[GRUNTING] >>GREETINGS ONCE AGAIN, SIR TOM, IT IS I, KING WARRICK OF COUCHVILLE, AND ME WIFE, QUEEN AYUNA. >>RIGHT, THE KINGDOM THAT LIVES IN MY COUCH. LOOK IF YOU'RE HERE ABOUT LAST NIGHT, I'M SORRY, OKAY, I HAD A LOT OF TACO BELL AND I- >>NO TOM! I'M AFRAID WE'VE COME ON MUCH MORE URGENT BUSINESS. >>ARE YOU HERE TO RETURN MY IPHONE? BECAUSE I DROPPED IT IN THE COUCH AND NOW
I CAN'T FIND IT. >>I'M AFRAID WE'VE GROWN RATHER ATTACHED TO IT. >>WHAT? ARE YOU EVER GOING TO GIVE IT BACK? >>WELL THAT DEPENDS, DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL STOP PUTTING CAT VIDEOS UP ON YOUTUBE? >>NO. >>THEN WE'LL NEVER GIVE IT BACK TO YOU. >>SO, YOU HAVE DECIDED TO SHOW YOUR COWARDLY FACE AFTER ALL, WARRICK. >>WHAT IS GOING ON? >>SILENCE, KNAVE! YOU HAVE NO PART IN THIS WAR COUNCIL. >>WAR? >>THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE WILL NEVER BE ALLOWED TO RULE SO LONG AS I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. >>YOU DON'T. I'VE ALREADY STRUCK AN ALLIANCE WITH THE PERSIANS UNDER THE RUG. [GASP] >>WHAT? HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME, PERSIAN? >>I'M SORRY KING WARRICK, HE PROMISED US TASSELS. BEAUTIFUL GOLDEN TASSELS. YOU KNOW I CAN'T RESIST A GOOD TASSEL. >>STOP SAYING TASSEL. >>TASSEL. >>YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO CALL ON OUR OTHER ALLIES. >>HA! AND SCOFF! YOU THINK I AM AFRAID OF THE PEASANTS FROM DOORMAT. >>WE'RE PEOPLE TOO! JUST BECAUSE OUR KINGDOM LIES BENEATH THE PLACE WHERE PEOPLE WIPE THEIR FEET, AND SOMETIMES LEAVE BURNING PAPER BAGS FILLED WITH UNSPEAKABLE THINGS, IT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE WORTHLESS. IT JUST MEANS WE'RE EXTREMELY GROSS. >>BOTH OF YOUR KINGDOMS WILL FALL BEFORE OUR COLLECTIVE MIGHT. THE CARPETS WILL RUN RED WITH- WHEN DID YOU GET HARDWOOD? >>LAST WEEK. >>IT LOOKS REALLY NICE. >>THANK YOU. >>IS THAT MAPLE? >>IT'S OAK ACTUALLY. >>OAK, THAT'S REALLY NICE. I ALMOST DON'T WANT TO GET ANYBODY'S BLOOD ON IT. BUT I WILL! >>THE PEOPLE OF THE LOVE SACK THINK EVERYONE SHOULD GIVE PEACE A CHANCE. DIFFERENT FURNITURE CAN LIVE TOGETHER IN HARMONY. EXCEPT FOR FUTONS. FUTONS ARE THE WORST. >>RIGHT. >>I'M AFRAID YOU DO NOT KNOW THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE AS I DO, DEAR HIPPIE. I WAS THERE, I WAS THERE 50 YEARS AGO. ARE WE NOT DOING A FLASHBACK? BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT WE WOULD- >>NO. >>OKAY, SORRY. >>THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE'S REIGN WAS DARK AND CORRUPT, WITH MANY SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET BECAUSE OF THE BATTLE IN THE CLOSET. >>WE SHOULD GO BURY THOSE GUYS. >>SERIOUSLY. >>BUT HOW MANY PEOPLE COULD POSSIBLY BE IN ONE- HOLY MOSES! >>YOU SEE WE HAVE GROWN STRONG ONCE MORE. STRONGER IN FACT FOR I HAVE STRUCK A DEAL
WITH THE DWARVES OF THE KITCHEN DRAWERS. >>THE DRAWERS? >>THE DWARVES OF THE KITCHEN DRAWERS. >>IMPOSSIBLE, THE DRAWER DWARVES ARE LOYAL TO ME. >>NO LONGER, WARRICK, THEY HAVE BEEN SELLING ME BLADES UNDER THE TABLE, FIGURATIVELY AND LITERALLY. >>MY CUTCO KNIVES. >>PREPARE FOR SIEGE! >>I SHALL RUN FOR THE FRIDGELANDS AND >>OFFER THEM THE IPHONE IF YOU HAVE TO. >>WHAT? NO, COME ON. >>THERE'S NO TIME TO ARGUE, WE MUST CALL ON OUR OTHER ALLIES. AND WHERE IS THE ARMY PROMISED TO ME BY THE FRENCH DOORS? >>YOUR GRACE. >>THANK GOODNESS, I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK- >>WE SURRENDER. >>WHAT? BUT THE WAR HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET. >>WE DON'T TAKE CHANCES. AU REVOIR. TOO DA LOO. >>OUR FORCES ARE DWINDLING RAPIDLY. AND WHERE ARE THE DEFENSES WE ORDERED WEEKS AGO BY THE PEOPLE OF LAZY BOY, OKAY I SEE OUR MISTAKE. >>YOU SEE NOW, KING OF COUCHVILLE? YOUR FRIENDS HAVE ALL LEFT YOU, YOU CANNOT WIN THIS WAR. SURRENDER OR PERISH. >>WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER. >>NO, MAYBE- WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER! >>SO BE IT, COUCH SWINE. THIS COUNCIL HAS NO FURTHER PURPOSE. ON THE MORROW, DEATH AWAITS. OW, MY KNEE. >>PEOPLE OF COUCHVILLE, PREPARE YOUR WEAPONS AND PRAY TO IKEA, MAKER OF WORLDS, FOR TOMORROW WE GO TO WAR. >>WAR! >>I NEED TO HAVE A YARD SALE.
