"Copypasta Theatre"

hello everyone welcome to a transformative night of theater graduating class in the navy seals might be you and me but that's okay because do you really need anyone else this is art it took shakespeare years to plagiarize a sonnet but any 13 year old with an internet connection can create the next best copy pasta and i find that to be beautiful to be or not to be may have come off as profound centuries ago but it doesn't quite hit home in the same vein as say i don't know among us [ __ ] does copy pastas have historically dominated twitch chats but have always been met with a power hungry moderator silencing what i like to call art so this is what we're doing hosting a night of theater dedicated to dramatic readings of twitch coffee pastas we started looking around at venues but none of these theaters had availability on such short notice the only place i could find was doing a performance of rent during the week and our compromise that we've just used this set as well i suppose we could squeeze in a sunday show because rent was going on monday through friday and i would like to mention this was not rent this was rent junior it was performed by kids in elementary school and i just want to say this is an actual snl skit look i'm not trying to tell anyone how to parent but i i just don't think they know what rent is about so this was our set and they told us to take it or leave it thank you when we applied for it online it gave us an option to use their sound engineers production assistants and even left a mysterious option for gophers like a gopher is one thing but it was a it was a gopher with a picture and everything so with the venue locked all i needed was a cast selling this to the creators is going to be a little difficult so i hosted a dinner party and invited everyone over for pizza little did they know they have all been cast in my latest project hey everyone i have an announcement to make i have been working on this huge project since 11 00 am today and tomorrow i am hosting a theater where we're going to recite twitch coffee pastas thank you and you're all in it congratulations they were thrilled if i learned anything about the american education system it's that you can convince people to do anything as long as you throw a pizza party and despite our incredible cast i realized that the branding was probably not strong enough on its own to draw a crowd with less than 24 hours remaining so i left the party to go look for that extra amount of star power if we could get a celebrity attached to this event we would be able to sell out this 99 person venue easily it was popping hooligans event wedding planners moms and dads book me now for your next event and let me help you take it to our next level whether you got a wedding coming up and you want me to sing it's a beautiful night we're looking for something he's perfect so we got a bruno mars impersonator on the phone and he was surprisingly cooperative all he asked for was a script and a paycheck he has yet to earn since he asked for the money up front i decided to test him by providing him bruno mars lyrics to read but intentionally messing them up and sure enough he passed the test as he responded with the correction immediately and the last thing i really needed was to put together a poster to advertise the event as well as make some programs to make it feel like an authentic theater experience so instead of using the gophers to hand out posters i simply tweeted it out a singular time and hoped for the best and with a great night behind me i went to bed knowing that the future of theater was just about to change the copy pasta theater may be primed and ready for opening night but we haven't even had our first rehearsal yet it didn't help that literally zero percent of our cash showed up on time to practice lines but a crowd sure did which wasn't a terrifying realization at all the day may have started with technical difficulties in a room with no air conditioning but at least we have the set of rent jr and bruno mars so with everyone in our cast finally in attendance it was time for our first and only dress rehearsal and welcome to a transformative night of theater yeah or whatever and i'll just yeah i'll do that and i'll i'll i'll go into whatever i will [ __ ] fury all over you i'm not saying this to be funny i genuinely mean it when i say this is bottom barrel embarrassment at comedy so yeah you're gonna get it by now and for some reason the dress rehearsal went perfect even though it shouldn't have nobody messed up their lines not even a single person so there i was about to close out a game of league of legends so there i was i did my absolute best to look like i've put a lot of thought into this event so i was pretty surprised when everyone just believed me and the same goes for the audience i didn't even mention what this event was i just said it was a pop-up theater and nobody questioned it so not even the crowd knew exactly what they were getting themselves into [Applause] hello everyone welcome to a transformative map here i have collected some of the most talented people i know to help me plagiarize several other works this night will be a night of emotion of rage of intimacy and i hope at least one of these pieces will speak to you tonight so give a round of applause for our incredible cast that consists of your favorite youtubers starving actors and most importantly bruno mars the first piece of the night will be spoken by yours truly i picked it out myself as it spoke to me when i was in a in a dark place so he's lost me reading it before all of you this is uh grandpa's cigarettes i was my grandfather smoked his entire life i was about 10 years old when my mom told him if you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate you have to stop immediately tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake he gave it up immediately three years later he passed away due to lung cancer my mom asked me please don't ever smoke please do not do to your family what your grandfather did to us and i agree at age 25 i've never touched a cigarette but i have the slightest sense of regret never having done it because your post gave me cancer anyways and welcome to copy pasta theater what the [ __ ] did you just [ __ ] say to me you little [ __ ] [Applause] i'll do it i'll have you know that i graduated top of my class in the navy seals oh my god i guess we're doing this now i've been involved in numerous secret raids on al qaeda i have over 300 confirmed kills i am trained in guerrilla warfare [Applause] i'm the top sniper in the entire us armed forces so you are nothing to me but just another target i will wipe you the [ __ ] out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this earth you can mark my [ __ ] words so this performance is what we like to call a one player game you know what i mean you can mark my [ __ ] words you think you can get away with saying that [ __ ] about me on the internet we'll think again give me that god damn give me that mom yeah as we speak i am contacting my secret network of spies all across the usa and your ip is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm a maggot the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing that you call your life you're [ __ ] dead kid what are your thoughts on that angle right there i can be anywhere anytime and i can kill you in over 700 different ways and that's just with my bare hands not only am i extensively trained in unarmed combat but i have access to the entire arsenal of the united states marine corps and i will use it to its fullest extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent a little [ __ ] if only you could have known what unholy retribution your clever little comment was about to bring down upon you maybe you would held your [ __ ] tongue but you couldn't and you didn't and now you're paying the price you goddamn idiot let's go back to you [Laughter] no it's good i'm good here i will [ __ ] fury all over you and you will drown in it one more time you're [ __ ] dead kid i don't think [Applause] not funny i didn't laugh your joke was so bad that i would have preferred the joke flew over my head and you've given up on retelling me the joke to be honest this is a horrid attempt at trying to get a laugh out of me not a chuckle not a it's not even a subtle burst of air of my esophagus science says that before you laugh your brain preps your face muscles but i didn't even feel a single twitch 0 out of 10. your joke was so bad that i cannot believe anyone legally allowed you to be creative at all the amount of brain power it must have taken you to come up with that joke has the ability to power every single house on earth get a personality and learn how to make jokes write a book i'm not saying this to be funny i genuinely mean it when i say this is a horrid bottom barrel attempt at comedy [Applause] oh okay do it just do it don't let your dreams be dreams yesterday you said tomorrow so just do it make your dreams come true some people dream of you're success to wake up and make it happen nothing is impossible you should get to the point where anyone else would quit and you're not going to stop there now what are you waiting for do it just do it yes you can just do it if you're tired of starting over stop giving up [Applause] so how is everyone enjoying the show it's just that easy who likes saving money [Applause] so who here likes tonight's sponsor honey that's that's what i expected so honey is like a winter's kiss on a summer's day and by that i mean it's it's a browser extension dedicated dedicated you know dedicated to saving you money hypothetically speaking if you were to i don't know buy a pack of pokemon cards on amazon it would cost about eight dollars i know but with honey if you have it installed it will scour the internet for money saving coupons and save you three dollars per pack of pokemon cards which which saves you three hundred dollars if you buy a hundred packs and if you look around we have 100 people in the audience tonight so if you look under your seats everyone has a pack of pokemon cards taped underneath [Applause] and if you're watching from home and if you're watching from home and if you're watching from home feel free to click the link in the description or go to joinhoney.com alpharam to simply stop being poor so y'all get some good [ __ ] [Applause] attention all fortnite gamers john wick is in great danger and he needs your help to wipe out all the squads in the tilted towers to do this he needs a gold scar and a couple of chug jugs to help him all he needs is your credit card number the three little numbers on the back and the expiration month and date but you gotta be quick so john can secure the bag and achieve the epic victory royale [Applause] i was uh i was only 9 years old i loved shrek oh seriously i had all the merchandise all the movies i even prayed to shrek every night shrek is love shrek is life my dad hears me and calls me a gamer he hit me and sent me to sleep my face hurts and i'm crying now [Laughter] i lay in bed and i'm so cold but i feel something warm it's shrek i was so happy he whispers in my ear this is my swamp he picks me up with his ogre hands puts me on my hands and knees i am ready it hurts so much but i do it for shrek my dad walks in shrek looks at him in the eye and says it's all ogre now shrek leaves through the window shrek is love shrek is to light everyone that this is an 18 plus event for a reason and and we're going to talk later brother because but i got to talk to you right now baby because it's it's kind of over i and i don't want you to mistake this it's not your fault you're parkers it's me i'm a little a mega lol i'm not gonna lie to you and this moment right now it might feel a little pepe hands but it has to be done it just has to be done and i'm i'm a bit you know paper with everything going on but let's be honest the last couple of months this relationship in general has been a little weird chance when i tell you it's over i mean it no kappa to be fair you have to have a very high iq to understand rick and morty the humor is extremely subtle and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go right over the typical viewer's head there's also rick's nihilistic outlook which is deftly woven into his characterization his personal philosophy draws heavily from madagalia literature all the fans understand this stuff they have the intellectual capacity to truly realize that these jokes aren't just funny they say something deep as a consequence people who dislike rick and morty truly are idiots how could they possibly appreciate the humor in rick's existential catchphrase wubba lubba dub dub which itself is a cryptic reference to turknave's russian epic fathers and sons but you already knew that of course i'm smirking just thinking about those adult-pated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as dan harmon's genius wit unfolds itself upon their television screams such fools how i pity them and yes i do have a rick and morty tattoo and no you cannot see it it is for the ladies eyes only but even then they have to demonstrate that they're within five iq points of my own preferably lower nothing personnel kid i'm coming back for my 10-minute ban and i wanted to say that i think it was [ __ ] yes i wrote a funny paragraph which was turned into copy pasta which has turned into coffee pasta which happened to bring a laugh or a smile to a few people if you mods wanted to stop you could have just said so there's probably some ego driven mod in here and he's the one who banned me anyway glad to be back hey everyone how's it going um so sorry um i'm gonna actually i was told to do a monologue but i'm gonna switch it up a little bit if that's okay um um so i'm gonna be reading something from uh one of my favorite artists of the late 1900s um and if i can get a little personal my father uh this was his favorite poem he he did recently passed from cancer um yeah pretty emotional but let's just try it out okay so here we go we are no strangers to love you know the rules and so do i a full commitments one i'm thinking of you wouldn't get this from any other guy i just want to tell you how i'm feeling got to make you understand never going to give you up never going to let you down never going to run around and desert you never going to make you cry never gonna say goodbye i miss you dad i'm never gonna tell a lion to sergey [Applause] this is probably the worst thing i've ever seen a hundred years from now when i'm dying on a hospital bed and i am asked what my biggest regret was it will be that i turned on my computer and scrolled through the internet on that faithful day no amount of therapy can save me no amount of prescription pills will help me recover i am a shell i mean this memory is already so bad that my brain is physically rejecting it i get a headache any time i even think about it why did you post this what made you think that this was a good idea you have permanently ruined my life because of this i hope you're happy no no i hope that one day this gets branded as a war crime and you will be hauled off to prison never to see the light of day again i mean the fact that he's not already in a psych ward for insanity is so baffling to me that i have lost all faith in any kind of justice system if you subscribe to any religion i suggest that you spend the rest of your days atoning for this ultimate sin have a terrible day i hope this creation of yours haunts you in your dreams my name is bruno mars i was asked where to go oh i was asked by a special friend over here to read a copy pasta but i actually asked them if i could read a couple lyrics from a new song i have out i don't know if you've heard it uh it's a new group silk sonic anderson pack you guys don't know him the song is called leave the door open it's in fortnite i ain't playing no games because every single word that i say is coming straight from the heart so if you're trying to lay in these arms i'm gonna leave the door open i believe that they're open and i'm hoping that you feel the way i feel i want you like i want you tonight baby just tell me that you're coming through thank you about what you expected [Applause] well thank you for everyone coming out this was uh puts together pretty fast and we announced it today and somehow we sold out so i would just like to say that this is a special event for us we all get to reunite after something and give a just give a round of applause for our incredible cast and give a round of applause for our incredible crew filming this turning the show [Applause] give a round of applause for me for making this happen [Applause] miscellaneous ninja tweets the phrase it's just a game it's such a weak mindset you're okay with what happened losing imperfection of a craft there's always something to learn there's always room for improvement never settle [Applause] i will never understand why nfl and college football teams simply allow kickers who miss kicks [Music] i feel like there should be pools of kickers in the united states of america who will simply not [Applause] [Applause] this is cheapest reply ever [Applause] fortnite requires movement editing building rotating and hitting shots there are not positions in fortnite a kicker's job is literally to kick terrible kind of embarrassing [Applause] so there i was carrying a game of league of legends about to close it out when my brawless wife that's some nip yeah you get it brings me a sandwich not asked for with chips as i get a double kill bot lane so how's your day going what i love about twitch is i get to be myself i do get to be myself i get to be a very very um uh different part of myself it's really interesting whenever people come into chat and accuse me of being fake i don't disagree with you i don't know who my authentic self is on stream yet every single day that i come on here i discover new things about myself that i feel willing to share with you and new things about myself that feel important to share with you and and i love sharing them with you guys i really really do i surprised myself and i surprised you i had another streamer recently say i surprised them as well and discovering that i have the ability to surprise even old pros at this game really really makes me feel like i'm where i'm supposed to be wishlist destroyer you're not fake you're just crazy yes of course i'm crazy i am crazy in love i am crazy happy i am crazy high on life i really really like being where i am i like the people that i'm with and i have felt this way for my entire life when it was in high school when it was in elementary school when it was in university when it was in college when i worked at the summer camp when i worked at the hot dog factory when i worked at the bikini store when i worked as a disney princess when i'm on twitch i find people that i love i find people that i like and i keep them close to me the people who come back each and every day are the people that i want to see each and every day and the haters can come every day if they want to but i'll be happy to see you too because at least you're showing me that i'm important to you with your consistency and if i can be nothing else it is consistent because i will come back each and every day and i will give you new reasons to love me and i will give you new reasons to hate me because that's what you deserve and that's what i deserve i'm going to see how far i can go i'm going to see what i can do on this platform i want to see how far the blanket fork can expand i want to understand the best parts of myself and i'm not saying that i'm going to find them on twitch but i think that i can find the best parts of myself if i keep going and i keep saying yes and i discover the parts inside of me that i've been too afraid too ashamed of too apologetic do you know how many times i want to send a boy a picture of my fully exposed volva and the first instinct is first to apologize for even messaging him in the first place i want to say i'm sorry that i'm bothering you i'm sorry that i'm messaging you i'm sorry that i'm texting you i'm sorry i'm dming you i'm sorry that i'm talking to you i'm sorry that i'm caring about you i'm sorry that i'm trying to figure out who you are because all i want to do is open up enough dialogue so that i can expose everything about myself the only thing i want to do is expose who i truly am to you but i feel self-conscious because people tell me that i'm fake and people tell me that i'm faking these things and they tell me that i'm psychotic that i'm adhd that i'm on drugs and i'm all these horrible things but i'm not what is actually happening here is i love being on twitch this has been a dream of mine for so many years so many years that i'm embarrassed to talk about it can you imagine meeting a boy that you wanna [ __ ] and the first words out of your mouth or all you wanna do is be a famous twitch streamer he's never heard of twitch he just wants to put his dick in you when you're talking about twitch well guess what [ __ ] sometimes it works out i [ __ ] that [ __ ] and he bought me this great big toy because i became a famous twitch streamer that [ __ ] believed in my dream and he had never even heard of twitch before and each and every one of you believes in my dream because i think we can go even further even higher even more into the blanket fort and i can only do it with each and every one of you i know i can't do it by myself i can literally only do it with each and every one of you and i think that we can this channel has grown bigger and faster and more intensely than any other channel on twitch has ever before the clips are good make sure the titles are sexy make sure you do me good guys because i come in here every day covered in glitter covered in sequins covered in booty shorts covered in nylons so that i do not violate the terms of service so that each and every one of you can have both hands on the keyboard so that you can enjoy the stream so that you can have a good time listening to me playing with me singing with me smiling with me enjoying your life what you do you do deserve to enjoy every moment of your life you enjoy and every moment of your life is worthy you guys you can do it you can be the best that you can be and we can do it together it's gonna take effort it's gonna take patience it's gonna take a lot a lot a lot a lot of work but if we don't try then what the [ __ ] is stopping us from just throwing ourselves off a bridge and giving up and saying yeah the planet is dying the government hates us the animals are leaving the aliens are contacting us we might be alone it just might be you and me but that's okay because do you really need anyone else [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] um once again i'd like to thank today's sponsor honey this was such a weird sponsor integration i'm glad they were down with it well if you got anything good uh and i know we kind of mentioned this earlier but honey is an incredible browser extension that searches the internet for promo codes coupons and money-saving offers to save you as much as possible while shopping it saves you money on all sorts of things from shoes to food delivery to video games to even pokemon cards the best part is it most likely works on all the sites you're already shopping on so you're just leaving money on the table so all you have to do is download the extension shop around and when you're checking out honey will take any coupons i can find and automatically apply them to your cart so just go ahead and make online shopping easier today by going to joinhoney.com alpharet or by clicking the link in my description and if you're still watching this video thank you so much and also we have brand new merch at please buy mymerch.com yep so that was the coffee pasta theater [Applause] thank you everyone for coming out we did not rehearse this part so they're going to awkwardly stand behind me but this uh turned out great again thank you all for coming out and uh i'm sure a lot of you guys would like pictures or something like that um we're gonna stay around here on the stage for a little while we don't really have time for conversation or like signing anything so we're just going to be in and out but you want to run up get pictures with any of us you're welcome too has a little token i can't sign the back of all the programs so you have that and you got pokemon cards be grateful so i hope you enjoyed the event and we'll try to send you a video soon [Applause]

Channel: Alpharad

Views: 1,597,938

Keywords: alpharad, super smash bros ultimate, smash bros, not, not alpharad, alpharad smash, nintendo, nintendo switch, alpharad theatre, theatre, copypasta, copypasta theatre, alpharad copypasta, daniel thrasher, cristina vee, adriana figueroa, family jules, familyjules, adrisaurus, jules conroy, drumsy, eevisu, ross o'donovan, rubberross, rubberninja, cjya, bruno mars, johnny rico, deanna gowland

Id: GWnoJav4Rs0

Length: 39min 38sec (2378 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 12 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/FlamezOfGamez]

Man, the Rick and Morty copypasta feels all the weirder after last night’s horrendous episode.

[u/Riadla_arerreh]

I like how Alpharad doesn’t realize that all his viewers are me on different accounts. Don’t believe me? Watch me post this on my other accounts.

[u/Tbanks93]

Yo which Streamer is responsible for the copypasta rendition performed by the radiant redhead?