Comedians on CANADIANS

we are here to celebrate nominees for their wonderful work in canadian cinema and television which is a lot like celebrating the northern lights you probably haven't seen them but you've heard they're amazing you guys play enough hockey up here you get that violent tendency out oh yeah they make us try to play hockey and then based on that i'm a huge fan of hockey i love it and i love that people don't get it down in the states i love it i love them why do they make why do they let them fight i can't see the puck it's like music to my ears it's like good yeah get out of here do you just get out of here i mean let me let me watch it do you remember when they lit up the puck for a few years on tv oh yeah that was you guys you know no but yeah but the nhl well no no wait are you wait a minute wait a minute time out time out time out the nhl is you guys too so all the owners had to agree with that and you all had to be like we gotta we gotta like expand this thing we thought we'd funnel money into canada and keep it here but you guys took it over like you tend to do but well i'm not gonna apologize no i don't know you're big on the yeah that's just business dude you're acting like we came and knocked you on the head you know what we're about yeah we wait wait a minute oh yeah wait a second fellow white person not native to this country how did you guys get this up here to the native americans go oh well we like these white guys you can have all that land jesus christ no ah i get it your [ __ ] smells like maple syrup up here you know what you're telling me all right i'll go with it let's talk about you now let me ask you something another guy from canada has come and invaded show business here in the united states so many funny guys come out of canada what is it about canada that produces all these comedians what do you think it is um i don't know because when i'm in canada no one's funny do you think it's the long dark cold winters you just had to find something we don't have dark winters we don't live in the arctic circle but they're long aren't they they're long and cold and they're cold and really cold yeah they're cold so when you're a kid up and i want to put too fine a point on it but they're cold let me tell you something my parents now have been in uh canada 41 years they uh they moved from india to canada 41 years ago i don't know how they picked it or whatever but they were like grenada and i was like okay well maybe when you get there you'll be able to say it so um but when my dad first moved to canada he didn't just want to live here you know what i mean he didn't want to be a guy that just lived in canada he wanted to become a canadian and he thought that there was things that you could do to become a canadian like like you just do a couple of things and bang overnight you're a canadian you know what i mean i used to come up with these schemes when i was a kid i remember one time when i was a little kid he called me like son come here here's the thing with indian parents too they they never just um tell you directly to come and do something they uh this it's just not that kind of culture you know what i mean indian parents will not boss you around like hey come here because they they have salesmen built into them you know what i mean no matter what the situations they feel the need to convince you to do something you know what i mean and sometimes they'll just take one word and make it sound like a question to make you come they'll be like russell come come come so remember this one night right my dad was like son tonight we will become canadians i said dad um i was already born here i think i got it covered okay but what's your plan he goes son i have bought a barbecue i go what are you gonna do cook the rest of canada and we're the only ones left no canadians like to eat the barbecue i go dad they don't actually eat the barbecue but i think i know where you're going with this what's your plan he goes tonight we will have a barbecue in the backyard we will invite all the neighbors they will come over eat our food and think we are a canadian i said dad if they eat our food they're gonna know we're not canadian our food will have flavor [Applause] it's funny sometimes canadian white folks get mad at that joke hey you don't disarm boiled potatoes right sometimes i put salt in that water are you drunk because all you did was ride a cooler and you're sweating i am well it's no it's hot is it it's hotter than a two dollars it's got like 12 layers on it yeah i thought it was going to be really cold from canada this should be like it should be springtime no i know i'm from canada but you know i'm still a human being it's not like you revolve differently [Laughter] i'm from the frozen north yeah yeah it gets colder than uh it gets colder than here get your finger on the panic button no i think it gets colder than a vampire's demeanor wow well good evening ladies and gentlemen my name is jim carrey and how are you this evening alrighty then i grew up in canada is there anybody here from canada you know i used to get really upset when i told people where i came from down in los angeles because i always got the same response canada wow must have been cold now i just go along with them yes canada it was a frozen hostile wasteland [Music] and there was much work to be done if we were to survive the elements after boring a hole through the ice to find food my good friend nantuck and i would build an igloo to protect ourselves from polar bears and flying hockey pucks [Music] then we would drink a lot of beer and when man took was ready he would tell me the story of the great moose who said to the little squirrel hey rocky watch me pull a rabbit out of my [Applause] hat [Music] [Music] this past april i began a tour of your country uh i started out in ottawa and went all the way across canada uh on a tour bus and uh let me just say uh people ask me uh you know what kind of mileage do you get to a tour bus and it's actually negative miles we drove much of it backwards and and in parts of your country really doesn't matter if you do drive backwards and if you didn't laugh at that joke you haven't driven across your country i told many of my canadian friends that i was going to tour your entire country and they said to me why and i said because i want to see it and they went why and they were correct i mean from toronto to thunder bay there's nothing from thunder bay to winnipeg there's less there was no animals not one nary a moose i believe that your ancestors after they left the east coast and traveled west killed everything in sight in order to be able to put on enough fur to make it to the west coast in winnipeg this year i was told that for five months the temperature averaged between 30 and 50 below five months straight at what point don't you get it i was told that they had to cover every piece of skin in that kind of weather or it would freeze it's not jack frost nipping at your toes you idiot it's god saying get out of here even vampires can get out 12 hours a day i was about 40 days on the road and in that time i saw the sun for 36 hours every day it was gray rainy gray gray [ __ ] gray rain gray [ __ ] gray ring [ __ ] gray at what point don't you people look up in the sky and think hey maybe i should slip my wrist to see some color

Channel: LaughPlanet

Views: 184,400

Rating: 4.8485479 out of 5

Keywords: comedians on canadians, canada, comedy, standup, bill burr, norm macdonald, russell peters, jim carrey, lewis black, jokes, funny, canada people, hilarious, laugh planet

Id: 0lGE5ZGoYm4

Length: 12min 3sec (723 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 21 2021