Comedians on WHITE People

white people y'all don't even know how funny y'all are y'all chuckle a minute you don't say hey i got that against you i just think y'all funny people just the way y'all walk crack me the [ __ ] up you know just be all tight and [ __ ] how's it going jumping yo steve steve hey bob yeah [Applause] brothers we do everything with river you're saying brother be strolling hey you could talk to a brother men stride he won't miss a step hey leroy yeah what's up man try that with somebody white tom well what what what damn match i'm concentrating one two one two [Applause] i like to smoke weed and watch national geographic because i like the nature channel like i want to go to africa one day going to safari see the animals in their natural habitat but the difference between us and y'all is we stay in the truck white people y'all got some [ __ ] called up close and personal like it's just amazing too because that's what black people we just know certain [ __ ] you know like white people that's why i study all nvr i'm envious to y'all y'all a race y'all do whatever the [ __ ] you don't want to do y'all you know y'all are free you're only only racing people that could look at a wild lion and go i can be friends with that that's why y'all are always on when animals attack you will never see black people or when animals attack you might see us on when cops attack but you will never see us on an animal's attack y'all would do [ __ ] like tranquilize a lion and hold that [ __ ] tail he'd wake up and that'd be heavy [ __ ] to y'all y'all be in the camera [Music] well my partner bob and i we've been tracking this particular beast for quite some time her name is utulu she's six months old we just shot her with five cc's of tetra coeur d'alene darts when she gets up she's gonna be [ __ ] pissed oh my god bob do you feel your heart pounding this is amazing oh my god she's getting a plow oh she molded me what an experience the africans don't be out there [ __ ] with the lions they ask them mr matumbo why you don't play with the lion i'm not [ __ ] with that [ __ ] [ __ ] him and [ __ ] you that [ __ ] is not in the brochure i'm not doing that [ __ ] when my shift is over i want to go home to my children mangulu mangala and i can't do it [ __ ] with that when the [ __ ] you're out you better come i will leave you in the car it's rules ain't no african people here is it are you african dog my bad i want to piss you off and you [ __ ] i don't know what it is i don't know what the [ __ ] is going on but i think white women started it oh it's the worst the [ __ ] worst that's all they do is [ __ ] mother and complain i had no idea how difficult it was to be a white woman in the united states of america evidently it's it's really difficult yeah they're always bitching do you have any idea what it's like to be me well i imagine it would be slightly less awesome than my life what happened to you today sweetheart huh did they not chill your rose you know was the trolley not running down at the mall what happened no it's unreal i'm really [ __ ] annoyed how white women have the [ __ ] balls to throw my white privilege in my face you know start to separate themselves from these white males with their white male privilege it's like [ __ ] you're sitting in the jacuzzi with me what the [ __ ] are you talking about yeah put your [ __ ] whining look right out of the gate all right if you're [ __ ] if you live in some honey boo boo lifestyle on the appalachian trail you know your uncle just banged you in the dirt all right i can listen to you no one of my fantasies is i want to drive by like a woman's rally and just say the most sexist [ __ ] i can think of just to watch them lose their minds and i'll just drive by real slow like yeah why don't you get back in the kitchen where you belong just to look in the rearview mirror watching them flipping out in the road spinning around like leather face at the end of texas chainsaw massacre like [Applause] i could listen to that [ __ ] all night dude remember frank's last week it's [ __ ] smashed man and catalogs everything they drink two shots of jaeger kill four bong hits men [Applause] beer cheeseburger that [ __ ] is great the only bad part is you cannot pass out around white people every time white dudes pass out around each other they always do some borderline gay [ __ ] when the guy's asleep frank fell asleep so he like stuck a carrot in his ass and put shaving cream on his balls like why a [ __ ] why do you do that to a friend of yours he trusted you enough to sleep around you're gonna put a carrot in his ass that is that nice [Applause] i tell you right now if i put a carrot in a black dude that [ __ ] will kill you when he wakes up for some [ __ ] like that that is an automatic death sentence on the street it's a wrap for you i'm gonna kill that [ __ ] i thought y'all was friends baby what happened i fell asleep this house right we was drinking and i fell asleep to this house and and while i was sleeping right i'm just gonna kill that [ __ ] all right that's all you need to know [ __ ] carrots congratulations to you my friend look at that white woman you're with god damn [Applause] [ __ ] behind you going yeah son i'm with my girl but yo for real that white woman's amazing isn't she telling the truth he's with his black girl for like no oh no but that she's high level that's a high level white woman right there that white woman is that is man oh man oh man black women get mad at that but that is top shelf white woman right there [Applause] you know how you can tell how pretty a white woman is the value you look at her and then you wonder how long they would look for she was missing [Applause] come on take a look take a look look at that [ __ ] [Applause] i saw you look mad sweetie how long if you was missing how long do you think they were how long did they do exactly she don't even she went you know the deal i ain't saying nothing wrong white woman's life is valuable what's his name you're in uh vandersloot right we find out he was a serial killer man he kills women that's what he do he do it well you know what i mean we know the girl that he that he you know supposedly had uh what's girl in aruba natalie holloway right but the one he just killed a girl in peru what's her name um exactly look up as you said now you said natalie natalie holloway that angel y'all said that like family feud all right name a white girl been missing for five years in the river nearly highway survey [Applause] name a peruvian girl that was killed yesterday what is that big head third world peruvian bitch's name it has to be yotis or something goofy don't get mad at yourself i gave it to you you saw how fast you said natalie holloway diana ross right here said she knew her name that white guy with natalie holloway man you caught yourself uh whoa god bless you man that is high level right then don't be ashamed of it gorgeous she's mad as hell [ __ ] that white [ __ ] you know come on come on ain't nobody looking for you i might look for you but the news ain't you you think fox is reporting your mission let's be honest nancy grace she leads story on nancy grace for the next six months i look at her because she's mad as hell black we don't like that [ __ ] but it is what it is let's be i'm gonna be like that let's just let's be honest that little girl that went missing um she was sailing little girl was saying i forgot damn it but she was she went sailing went missing in the indian ocean okay and they spent good lord her mass broken she was floating around and she gave out her little signal her beacon they looked for they spent 500 000 like tax money to search for her now that's my daughter i want that to happen too but but if you go sailing let's be honest how long you think that they gonna spend five come on remember hey remember football players in miami went missing they went sailing they looked for them for eight minutes maybe they just sent somebody at the edge of the beach i don't i don't see him we have to call off the search because there's too much sun the sun the conditions are abnormally difficult if i go sailing i'm taking a white baby on a keychain with me if my boat go down they gonna find me i'm gonna have it hook right to the side of my belt and i'm gonna dress the baby real white too i'ma put sweatpants on it and a pair of ugg boots and i'm gonna take a picture

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Views: 883,401

Rating: 4.8693042 out of 5

Keywords: comedians on white people, white people, comedy, stand up comedy, comedians, bill burr white woman, white woman, aries spears white, dave chappelle white friend, eddie griffin white people, patrice o'neal white lady, funny, jokes, hilarious, laugh planet

Id: LzBBErHafQc

Length: 12min 19sec (739 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 30 2020