Michael Jr. - A Dude With a Limp That Wasn't a Pimp

hey hey so cool y'all gave me a standing ovation faster Robert never get a standing ovation just make sure you mention that I'm excited about beers gonna be so much there's a lot of cool stuff going on yo-o-ou're there's people an overflow and then you a double overflow man that's so cool get here early but anyway thanks for being here you just kind of this is a little tight a little snug where you at that's all it's cool so that's what fun is gonna be so good there's people getting baptized after this you can go out you can get baptized like even if you didn't plan to get baptized they're gonna dip you anyway if you want you just go back there they got clothes and they got all this stuff man if you see any black people getting baptized I want you to really to applaud a lot if you could because we don't like water I'm just gonna put that out there so I'm not gonna say all black people don't like water just gonna say all the black people I know don't like water I don't know what it is about water and I know what the black women is to hear black women do not want to get they here with you go rob a black woman with a squirt gun take it just take it just this thing it just thank you I remember getting baptized let me tell you how to learn how to swim before I tell you about my baptism right I'm 11 years old fishing off a bridge to fish and I bite and my dad comes over he's like well let's have some fun that's how learn how to swim fast-forward like 13 years ago I'm about to get baptized I'm standing in the water do gonna push me right I'm like you know what I'm not ready yet I'm not ready dude gonna push him again I'm like you know it's gonna be trouble in the water you push me one more time gonna be trouble in the water I'm all creative I'm like wait a minute so white dude you got on a white sheet I don't know if this is right are you gonna let me up are you gonna let me up this is not a eight-minute baptism and when they baptize you what did I say in the name of the son the father the Holy Spirit cook dunking you under water I was reading the Bible that Jesus got baptized I was like well what did I say to him things like just like you your daddy your best friend I love much man if I lived in Dallas I would go to this shirt just so happens I live here I love my church man so awesome oh let me say this before I forget I have a grip of merchandise in the back cause you guys can buy when I say a grip that means a lot no too much slain I'm sorry North Fort Worth you know I'm Dumbo so we got a we got a grip of mercy this is the thing I got my CD my book to comedy special that I filmed here is some really cool the children's book documentary this is the thing I do have a merchandise God told me to do this I'm starting here hopefully will continue I know we will the merchandise is really funny go ahead and buy some stuff if you can't afford it you walk up to my table you say can I please have whatever you want whichever item you want and we're gonna give it to you because that's how we roll now if you're in a position to go and buy the merchandise and then buy more and leave it there do that as well there's one more thing that I'm adding because God said to do this and is certainly not me another thing we're gonna do if you can't afford my merchandise this is what I want you to do if you can't afford it but you know you have an issue with receiving stuff I need you to walk up to the table and let me just say can I please have because if you can't receive some physical things right here on earth it's going to be that much harder for you to receive something from a guy that you can't even see Peppa's bonus Ella's extra I'm hanging around with pastor Robert a little too much I need to get some more need to get some selfish friends is what I got to do I better go back with my so I'm excited about being here let me tell you about me in case you don't know I've got five kids yeah and um and I travel a lot you know so I could see them all I'll just play a man I'll see you know we do we got five kids and it's awesome having five kids is first of all well when you got that mini you got to figure out ways to save money right and we like we wanted our pictures taken and having a family pet stuff is expensive man so what we did to save money is we all got in the front seat of the car look both ways and ran a red light and that stuff worked out two weeks later the picture came in the mail this is awesome I was doing a joke out of prison I do comedy at prison it wasn't like I was in prison like doing jokes hey get off me no no I go to I went to the prison I was doing a comma I did that joke and some of the prisoners laugh some of the other ones didn't and I realized they had been there so long the person next to him had to explain the joke there's like see what happened nowadays when you run a red light they take a picture and then he looked at to do next to him and he was like a red light is what they have when you travel down the road and then he was like a road is what they use man where am i right now so I love my family soku as a comedian you get to see different things that are funny and some people don't figure it out like we bought a toddler bed for my daughter and it came with a 20 year warranty I'm just gonna wait a few years I'm gonna take it back I'll be like I want my money back but what's wrong I like Yoshi 12 it don't fit my son at six years old he wanted a pet fish listen a fish and a six year old just not gonna work on foot a fish we get to the pet store and it's almost like the young small fish are showing out for my son like Oh pick me pick me pick me the owner wise fish they not even make an eye contact my son pics wonder two older why species like that I want that one right there and for real the veg goes like this my son was like dad is that fish doing that cuz he's close to death I was like I think he knows it comes like come on son let's go find another fish and I look back in the fishing like this I don't have a lot of pets as a kid I just didn't have a lot of remember one pet I had I had a pet fly there's my hat and I didn't want him to get away right so I put his wings off yeah and I named him Walker what's up Grand Prairie so that's what I do man we sit back and my kids they want a dog right they want a dog and I just think there's some people I think people give dogs more credit than they actually should have I don't think dogs are really as smart as we think they are we just amplified a story to make it seem all great like every year you hear the story of the dog that saves the owners life from like a fire this is the story the owner was sleep the house caught on fire the dog was inside so he kept barking and barking and barking till finally the owner wakes up and they're both safe it's almost as if the dog would not leave the owner side till they woke up I'm just saying I think the story have been a little different if the dog knew how to turn a doorknob a dog would rely chrysalis so we don't know what to name our dog if we get a dog we all know the name when people who name the dog different stuff like cocoa every time I do a show there's a white person in the room with a dog named Coco we got to talk about that I don't know what that's about so we want to name our dog something something useful at least I do I want to name my dog something like hear me out Oh my name my dog grandma no no because the dog named grandma is very useful your friend calls you up hey we need you to help if you could please we're moving to the fifth floor of our apartment building could you help us move to which I could reply oh I'd love to but I'm supposed to take grandma for a walk but you gotta be careful because people you'll forget that people don't know your dog name is grandma you'll get you'll be confusing people you get mad at a dog oh grandma shoot up my shoes up here on the couch she's getting old man I think I'm out to put her down yo the neighborhood I grew up here was kind of rough it was like it was rough like who's right like if you wanted a pizza deliver like the police had to bring it it was actually called Popo John's that was never to play poker Southlake don't know what Popo challenged me nor for work you probably know that's pretty cool nor person heals up maybe oh we used to play games in my neighborhood we play games just like anywhere else everybody else plays these games Frisco everybody play everybody plays games like this remember slug bug this is a game where if you see a Volkswagen you get the hit show Fran just because you saw a Volkswagen bug in my neighborhood they would take it a little too far we add it to the game we would also play a uppercut firetruck you ever played out well you ever played out minivan bodyslam what about towel you ever played that it was always one crazy dude in a group who would make up games like hit you in the throat all building dude they don't even rhyme play no I remember singing songs as a kid we would sing songs like Old MacDonald had a farm eieio do we realize y'all there's no farms around here so we changed the lyrics to better suit our situation it was the McDonald family lived in the hood the McDonald family lived in a hoodie ie I owe and in the hood there was a game yeah I owe wood a fool shut your mouth you don't know maybe the back of our bus a cab yo mama here URI I owe I've been trying new sports lay living adventuring off trying new sports trying to get to know about them I went and I did this one score call it's called a ball hunting you ever do this before ball hunting some people call it golf or whatever first of all that stuff takes all day and I'm like yo I heard there were some greens out here where are they I'm hungry there wasn't the one the greens I was looking for let me just say that Pastor David Muir Pastor David went to a Yankees game I've never really been to a baseball game before so we go to his Yankees game right and we get there there's some things I don't understand so from a comedic perspective I'm like yo let me adventure into this so we get to the game and first of all the 7th inning comes along and they start singing take me out to the ball game and I'm sitting here like um we're at the ball game what are you people doing and then this dude gets up on base right isn't this big dude it's just swollen dude he just saw slowly hit the ball and it's a base hit he runs to first base and apparently at this point he is done cuz he calls in what is referred to I learned from Pastor David as a pinch runner this dude is going wrong for him because he won't feel like finishing that will be awesome to have in real life right your wife asks you a complex question like does this dress make me look big like ooh you know what hey bring it in bro yeah she got a question for you bro I used to coach I used to coach my kids in sports teams they stood close to her basketball football until like so they got better at me I was like whatever but when you coach you say stuff coaches have said this players have hurtis all over the country all over the world they say this this phrase right here listen the stuff that I'm teaching right now it's not just about this game you can apply it to life ain't always true straight out high school I got a job I was parking cars for this fleet company one of the cars was really nice I took it for a little spin in my neighborhood the company found out my boss lost the account he was furious she was yelling at me screaming I don't know what to do or say thought back to my high school football coach I looked at my boss I was like you know what you win some you lose some the important thing is I went out there and I have fun you know then I got fired right after that here about a job that you want to quit and in your boss they wants you to give him like a two weeks notice I was like your boss two weeks from now he's gonna notice I'm beer in two weeks so we're having fun right we're laughing this is so cool right I was asking a question and I asked God I said why do we laugh what causes us to laugh you ever wonder what causes us to laugh so this is what happens when we laugh when we laugh we have expectations and then there's an alteration and we realize this has happened we have a revelation this is really what causes to laugh it also causes us to learn as well so when I named this series went on when I named the title of this teaching I named it the third act because in every movie there's a third act where there's a resolution where you figure it out you've seen everything else you saw the alterations you saw the expectation and now all of a sudden you have a third act so listen I'm not that complex when I mean God's gonna not make the things that are hard for me so I'm looking at third act and I was like huh let me go to acts 3 and I read this story in acts 3 because I look at things separate different sometimes my teachers try to tell me I was less distich I'm not going to explain I'm not going to explain so I'll get to this story in acts 3 and I realize all of these elements are there the expectation the alteration and the revelation so I express their Steve Doolin to reach this for you guys we're gonna kind of work together to read through this you can just grab hold of what this is so pastor Steve's gonna come out with Manas Buddhi so cool yeah a big laugh but you want to so so he's gonna read acts 3 1 through I don't know you don't wanna read it so so you could just read that'd be awesome this is the story so the story isn't me set it up real quick the story was a guy who was um he can't walk and his boys take him and they blame him there so he can beg for money outside the gates Peter and John come by and he asks him for some money and there's like y'all won't got no money and then a hill in Jesus name go ahead so Stuart let me read it you ain't telling I just don't mind either one like didn't they don't have them in brown I don't know what that's about like it's only a like cuz if I wear it it looks like I got cut right here look I got cut I don't know about trust that guy he's oh go ahead go ahead school gave me the black Mike you see how that work at school yeah you can read it marina I'm gonna stand in here Peter and John went to the temple one afternoon to take part in the three o'clock prayer service okay wait a second this is I'm gonna need you to do something different I forgot I got this right here it's actually a version of the Bible that I created what about what version are you reading this is a New Living Translation New Living Translation cool I got the new hood translation right here I'm gonna need you to read from the hood trance because some of my boys are probably watching online some of them locked up yo glad you got Internet in there man I need you to read from this translation too just so they can understand so you read that translation and then this one so they can understand more clearly go ahead okay start with chores and I mean ours it's not yours Peter and John went to the temple one afternoon to take part in the three o'clock prayer service okay we go Pete and John rolled up to the spot about three o'clock yeah yes that's that's what all right cool keep going but as they approached the temple a man lame from birth was being carried in each day he was putting beside the temple gate the one called the beautiful gate so he could beg from the people going into the temple cool cool next version a dude with a limp that wasn't a pimp right right right he had a limp but he wasn't a pimp it was just a natural unless I shouldn't have to explain this I shouldn't have to explain it go ahead go ahead I don't think you can say that in church mark but you just said it so that's why I didn't say it because pastor Robert is watching right now he's trippin man wonder why he read this stuff but a dude with a limp that wasn't a pimp was chillin on the flow you have no idea what flow is do you we're standing on the flow right now okay I'm gonna change this just a little bit I deal with a limp that wasn't a wimp was chillin on the flow looking to make some cheddar yeah exact center cheese money cash come on man you got the other version I'm just trying to read the Bible man just I thought I was supposed to be doing yeah I'm sorry that I made alteration to your expectations right now but if you could just really that'd be awesome quit when he saw Peter and John about to enter he asked them for some money Peter and John looked at him intently and Peter said look at us hmm all right go do the other version so they started mad dogging him why this is a mad dog you know what mad dog is just do is I'll show you the mad dog use right now you look at me like I don't know what mad dog it is I'm mad dog you right now if you'll stop talking for a second okay okay you got nervous I could tell you were scared and I was gonna do something I'm trying to get in the flow and you it's on the floor dude okay carry on so they started mad dog and I'm like what's up with you dog what is wrong with your leg right now what is that oh wow there is a hood anointing falling down right now all right so listen why do we do this why why did I have him come up here in regions other version listen because when he came up here and you know he's a pastor bona fide great man of God everyone had some expectations but then I made an alteration to your expectations and then we all laughed which was a revelation it's evidence of a revelation so now he's gonna read it for him just read through I love her you can Peter and John went okay let me give you a Bible back okay Peter and John went to the temple one afternoon to take part in the three o'clock prayer service as they approached the temple a man lame from birth was being carried in each day he was put beside the temple gate the one called the beautiful gate so he could beg from the people going into the temple expectation expectation expectation okay when he saw Peter and John about to enter he asked them for some money and Peter and John looked at him intently and Peter said look at us expectation expectation expectation the lame man looked at them eagerly expecting some money but God said he came right because the accident he just said it in the sentence oh good but Peter said I don't have any silver or gold for you but I'll give you what I have that is two bucks whenever you see one but there's about to be an alteration the next but is huge so it's got to be an altar is a lot of comedy jumping off right now I'm gonna leave that alone that there's an alteration he said but in the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene get up and walk this is still an alteration it's not a revelation till he actually does it then Peter took a lame man by the right hand and helped him up and as he did the man's feet and ankles were instantly healed and strengthened revelation now he know he sees it he realizes that he has the ability to do this he had an expectation then there was an alteration in a revelation here's the thing that's what comedy will do for you that's what life will do that's what learning will do but God does something even more when you allow him to he jumped up stood on his feet and begin to walk transformation God offers not just the first three but more than anyone else could ever possibly offer you which is transformation thanks a lot faster he's now standing on his feet and he's walking he was laying on the ground expecting to be on the ground all day but then there was an alteration in a revelation now transformation because he decided to stand up and walk only Jesus can offer this transformation that we're talking about that's it so the question becomes because everyone here everyone watched and you came here today with some expectations now I'm giving you a message which means there's an alteration to your expectations and we've laughed and had a great time which means you've had a revelation the question is now who wants transformation so when I talk about transformation what I mean is a relationship with Jesus Christ because that's the only way you're going to get this transformation we're talking about so to explain what a relationship with Jesus Christ is like I'm gonna tell you the story now this came about when I was up in the morning I was writing a joke I was literally up at like five o'clock in the morning writing a joke I always get up early because I got five kids you gotta do it some writing this joke about the good room you guys know what the good room is the good room is that room in your grandmother's house your aunt's house it came nobody go in that room is all clean and buttered up the plastic you sit on you're gonna get stuck can't nobody go in there it's the good room so I'm writing a joke about the good room and in the middle rightness joke God stops me and says I want you to tell this story to my people so that's what I'm gonna do and I'm talking to everybody every campus nor for instance Hills Frisco Grand Perry obviously so every single campus listen to me imagine that you're a house and outside of the house is Jesus Christ and he wants to come in but he'll never force his way in he wants you to invite them in and the reason some people won't invite Jesus into the house just because you're cool with the way things are right now if you need something you just walk over to the door crack it open say what you need close the door and go back in but that's not a relationship at all there's no room for transformation at all and the reason you won't invite Jesus into the house and there's a lot of people to listen to me watch me right now the reason you won't invite Jesus into the house is because your house is a mess you think you need to clean it up first how's that working out you've probably invited other people into the house you invited other things into the house pornography drugs you've all you've bought a lot of stuff in hopes that it could distract you from the mess when you invite other people into the house sometimes we're hoping that that person can help us clean it up but they can the only person who can clean it is standing outside the door wearing an apron with a bucket in his hand waiting on you to open the door then there's other people listening right now watching right now were you used to have Jesus in the entire house but for some reason or another you've tried to evict him you've moved them to one room in the house the good room have you ever noticed how the good room is normally the room right up front with the big window so when people walk by they look into the house and they're like wow that house is clean but the rest of the house is a mess wow that person really has Jesus in their life they go to church almost every Sunday they got a Bible in their car but Jesus doesn't have you he just got that one room but what you really need is transformation and no way to get that transformer is to open up the door and let them in this is what we're gonna do I want everyone at every single campus and overflow everywhere I want you to listen to my voice I want you to close your eyes bow your head if you know that I'm talking to you and you've been trying to tuck Jesus away into one room or maybe you've never had them in the house before ever I'm gonna want you on the count of three to raise your hand in the air I don't even want you to think about it you already know I don't want you to listen to any other voices right now it's telling you not to do this because the chances are there are some telling you not to but I'm telling you to do it on the count of three everyone every campus that needs to receive Jesus and invite him into your house on the count of three I want you to lift your hand in the air one two three nice and high nice and high nice and high praise God there's a lot of hands nice and high so I could see you nice and high nice and high Frisco nice and high North Fort Worth nice and high lift your hands up Grand Prairie lift your hands up North Richland Hills lift your hands up ok put your hands down there's something else I might actually to do and this is very very very very important you've just decided to reach for the doorknob now we're gonna twist the doorknob and push it over Jesus says this he says if you will take a stand for me before men I will stand for you before my father in heaven how do you take a stand for Jesus before men I'm going to give you the opportunity right now so everyone who raised their hand or wish they would have raised their hand or no that they should have raised their hand on the count of three I want you to stand to your feet and I want you to walk to the stage I'm proud of you I want to shake your hand we're going to pray now listen this is important it's very important that you do this because if you can't do it in here where we're proud of you you won't be able to do it out there and I know there's some people in some uncomfortable situations but you need to stand up you need to walk to the stage I noticed people an overflow I notice people I notice some of the seats are tight that's ok because when you get here sometimes you have to go through a little bit in order to get to where you need to be and we're going to be right here we're going to wait and everyone else is going to a clap as hard as they can possibly clap but it will not compare to the applause that the angels in heaven will be doing when you stand to your feet and walk to this stage so again everyone who raised their hand or should have raised their hand or wish they would have raised their hand at every single campus on the count of three stand to your feet walk to the stage and everyone else will applaud one two three let's go don't even think about it praise God praise God praise God praise God praise God stay here stay here stay here come on down come on down come on down one down praise God praise God praise God come on down North Fort Worth Frisco Grand Prairie North Richland Hills come on down praise God praise God here to come here he come all campuses here to come praise God praise God praise God yes yes stand up and walk stand up and walk get your transformation stand up and walk stand up and walk we will wait for you stand up and walk thank you for walking stand up and walk stand up and praise God I see you we're gonna wait we're gonna wait praise God yep stand up and walk stand up and walk stand up and walk in the name of Jesus stand up and walk this is awesome keep clapping keep clapping I am doing numbers stand in there you could clap they still come in so keep clapping this is awesome listen if you're in the overflow there's somebody there who's gonna lead you here they still coming home I need you to keep on flappin so awesome thank you for being I'm shaking hands yes praise God and still there's not too late y'all can still come yeah that's what I'm saying chu should've got here earlier you would already been down here I don't know why you so awesome hey yeah so awesome say it keep clapping I'll carry or whatever this 12:30 should've got here earlier to praise God I'm gonna be crying it's tough mainly okay okay so listen I'm gonna crying some ducks or something here's the thing we are laughing in the midst of a life-changing decision that you guys have made God is different than you think people say you shouldn't laugh in church what good father doesn't want to hear his kids laugh in his house okay I'm going to back and cry mom crying all right so listen we're gonna pray and after we pray you're not gonna grow some wings and be an angel all of a sudden it's not gonna happen there's some people here right here right now you're going to stop having sex with that person you're on sex with you will lose the taste for that and just trust God just you know you are not gonna make eye contact cause I don't know you is but I'm just saying so we're gonna pray and then what's gonna happen my man Pastor Dave is gonna come up you're not gonna take you to a Yankees game but he hits it these are gonna how you guys go to this room and it's not gonna be creepy but it's very important that you go because now you're going to get equipped okay I'm gonna pray you guys repeat after me and then please go to the room it's not gonna be creepy because some churches is creepy they got snakes and stuff is weird so let's pray repeat after me dear God thank you for sending your son Jesus Christ to this earth to die for me I believe it and I receive it coming to my house Lord come into my heart in Jesus name Amen don't move this is Pastor David you're gonna get y'all some instructions I love you I love you I love you thank you for having me you

Channel: EBC

Views: 1,859,455

Rating: 4.8146544 out of 5

Keywords: Michael Jr. - A Dude With a Limp That Wasn't a Pimp, Michael Jr., This is my hope, Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, Comedy, Comedian, Chrisitan Comedy

Id: tX1_5DzWNxw

Length: 37min 25sec (2245 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 26 2013