East Coast Fever with Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas | TigerBelly 228

Bobby Lee here I have some dates to promote January 17th to the 19th this weekend I'll be at the Irvine improv please come and say hello please the next week after that I'm going to be in Omaha you know the 24th the weekend of the 24th I'm going to be in Omaha Nebraska at the funny money box I'm excited for that because um I've cancelled a couple times there but I've always heard that's a great club and I cannot wait to go so come see me there and then February 13th the 16th I'm going to be at the Chicago improv in Schaumburg and that's kinda it's one of my home clubs I hope you come I love it enjoy the show everything is on okay do the countdown 5 4 3 namaste Bonjour welcome to another episode of tea B I'm your captain your host some people call you I'm a prophet you mean I'm a vessel with the Lord I have my beautiful Filipino half white girl fur I have to put that white in it makes it fancier you know like half half-breed here my beautiful we got full filipino thank you your face is that flat today oh it more you're welcome contour thank your walk a little bit of me yeah yeah we got country white George everyone knows him he's got a pink dick it's translucent it's wonderful right we got high Asian the [ __ ] always high look at him you can barely open his eyes his eyes are Gucci as it is and then all of a sudden he gets high oh it's a struggle it's a real struggle you guys I want to say this you know I have dreams and I love meeting people and I love East Coast I do I love Jersey Mike's I do I love I love they have a lot of Nigerians over there in the streets you know I mean and I love different colors you know smells but I used to go to do Opie and Anthony a lot and then they broke up so the last time I was there I saw Opie and then um they had bull dick I ate some bull dick delicious by the way it is delicious lunch oh I ate it raw babe that's how I do it I eat it like sushi oh and I met you know there's there's different kinds of whites there's some kind of white people right there are white people country whites like this guy right here you know it's pretty good look but I met this guy Chris justif on though and didn't know much about him I knew he was a comic and you know I you know when I first did opening Anthony you know it was back when Patrice and all those guys and Greg and Norton and these two ripped me apart and but then I met this guy and this dude we had breakfast afterwards which like I think hope he took us to breakfast and when this guy smiles he shows all his teeth and you know like like a Freddie Mercury vibe here I mean yeah he shows all the teeth and I know that he has a podcast called history of the hyenas and he does it with my buddy right here Yanis boss and I wrote a song actually if you want to hear it and I wrote it for you guys and before I introduce you and say you can talk it listen to the song it's great so I you know I have GarageBand and I write these songs and I'm gonna sing over the the music that I wrote and maybe you like it maybe you won't wear it I ran it past mirror I ran it past I write so here we go uh-huh he's Coast fever it's called East Coast fever run applause guys are in town thank you for having us I want to know what kind of white is he yeah he's you know what he's the Schindler white why it's interesting you say that cuz I did to ancestry.com and I thought my whole life I was half Italian half Irish like every other white piece of [ __ ] from any big city but I found that I'm almost 80% German um so it is it you say the Schiller thing cuz I have a little bit of the Nazi thing you know I am for the wall and I you know I want to make sure everyone has their passport guys are looking at me and it's I'm getting a little you know I'm getting little feeling the walls because I want to say this I don't want to hurt any Jews I know you don't but you didn't even have to go right ancestry you could have just called me and I would have said you're a messenger you you know that face yeah yeah oh look like you bro I don't yeah that's what it is you're Greek I'm yeah yeah Hakan Aki I need second knocking eyebrows threader at all threaded now yeah I shouldn't have come now laughing I'm embarrassed by how I look yeah yeah but when I saw you last night at the Comedy Store I just want that's the honest because nobody looks like you yeah yeah like I look like John Stamos is like [ __ ] brother that's what they call me my we call need Stamos that's my and we also call and we also call him Yanni almost because he's you know he his his head is almost big enough he's almost handsome he's almost got a big enough dick he's almost had a career he's come close and yeah and he's almost gay that's the thing with us as I'll say that's about us is we're kappahd cast number one we're podcast it's on the run we're just feel like we say [ __ ] we're here for a good time not a long time history hyenas we are we can confidently confidently 100% tell you we are not gay we can also tell you we are not straight so I just don't know what it is it's a we're a couple of guys we fall in love with men we have sex with women that's how it wrong he's got to find a wife I'm into that I I'm also I have named Envy history of hyenas is possibly the best podcast I wish we had thought of that history you got a good name here you guys gotta take a little pry like you came in you thought he was being sarcastic about this being a nice house beautiful huh nice house well I forget that you guys are from New York yeah we live live in one Betty in the Tokyo yeah because you go you know when you go go on the road like you know you go on the road yeah Oklahoma where and you go you see like a compound sure how much is that they're like oh that's 9 grand yeah right right so it's like you know this you know it's are you sick it's hard it's real money yeah yeah yeah no but the thing is too and cuz out here because how the eastern hemmings do well out here just like in New York it's all about Eastern how many money that's they'll say eastern hemisphere yeah okay my fault we love the Eastern Hemis absolutely we yeah yeah but it's a lot about it's all about the Chinese money in New York you know the thing is it's like the buildings they don't want to sell you in a part like I'm trying to sell my apartment right now they like there ain't enough Chinese money in here Chinese money back at to new yorkese money is here too oh yeah yeah China's everywhere bro I know yeah I'm [ __ ] do you feel about the China China know the people the people buying all the properties and the my got no problem with them because I'm a property owner now I like the Chinese he ordered a day two Chinese I don't know I 100 someone had ordered a two [ __ ] Chinese kid because all the people I'm telling you I agree with that Chinese men are the best husband hundred percent because it's like it's like okay she goes to school to all these [ __ ] woke kids in Brooklyn and they're like are you vaccinated or like where the Chinese they don't give a [ __ ] the Chinese say they don't care it's like they'll give my kid whatever they don't ask about peanut allergies one of the Chinese grandmother gave my kid a live shrimp in a bag the other day and we don't know is this a toy food they're like MIT no I didn't [ __ ] know but I want worth they're playing on the abacus and [ __ ] they talk about the Sun they do full [ __ ] Chinese [ __ ] yeah I don't know if they're Korean or whatever but it's China I'll kiss you right in the [ __ ] lips that we are European you kissed my hand three times absolutely new you're confused I [ __ ] like you dude I've always liked I've been the fan you should stay won and we came in and you start eating that bull dick on the Opie and Anthony I was like I'm [ __ ] yeah yeah because every [ __ ] spirit your fun guy yeah we got good energy yeah I got great energy yeah I know you're not gonna look at now but yes don't [ __ ] lose it if you come in and you're wild and you're in your free spirit yeah and you're kind of like me cuz they call me Chrissy bug chase it because I like to chase buck and what I mean by that is you know guys homosexual community they go and they have the guys who don't have AIDS have sex with guys you do have AIDS because of the feeling of chasing the bug and I'm not a gay guy but but I do chase the bug I do go wrong I'm actually dealing with residual diarrhea right now from antibiotics I took the long term chlamydia yeah what's what's Shyvana now it's basically a prophylaxis for people who are let's say if you're in a relationship with a guy with HIV okay I am so to continually have to continue to have sex with them without getting the guy can't wear your no condom you can do it with no condom yeah I can do with no car that's a prophylaxis right but that's still I feel like that's still like playing Russian no because it's the bug chasing that's what it's about I don't do that who I've been celibate he's had chlamydia about three times recently like CVS is like his cheers he walks in they know is alright I'll just toss a bottle in and they know what's up but I've made a commitment now to my family and to myself to just you know I'm celibate I'm only gonna have sex with a woman who I think could potentially one day be my job yeah that's what I'm doing these guys on the side so you and guys yeah yeah but so then you um you had an addiction do you think I was a full full-blown sex addict a full sex addict you know just unprotected sex with everybody just wild yeah really living life Craig are you going are you treating that with meetings that whatnot like yeah up groups and stuff I went to one and the lady told me she was like you know you're not you're not as sick as you think yeah um she was like but you know try celibacy and it's been eight weeks besides someone blowing in Denver I've been celibate with women um no I don't know about guys yeah it's like you have so many ways had sex you so many women that like right if a couple raises slipped in that oatmeal yeah you wouldn't notice what so many women we call gay guys raise a guy if a couple guys slipped in there like raisins he wouldn't taste it no dude does our podcast I can't say his name that's just like you really yeah yeah handsome very funny like you right but is in knee-deep in puss puss yeah right I see for me guys like honest and I'm sorry for putting up no no I'm American I'm he's Yanni almost he's almost like yeah if you stretch my eyes a little farther apart yeah don't think everything's a little disproportionate right you know your you know people's faces are like one inch like away from being in cell yes in cell photos were like they just put the eyes it's like they look like in cells but they do this and their bread pan yeah right no that's just exactly all beautiful people are like that they just hinge on being really disgustingly ugly sure just one one millimeter away from that for that yeah yeah it's true because God didn't cause a trend when they were making us I don't know I don't know I I bought something though right I know where you're going I know where you're fishing tonight cuz I feel like he right when he made you yeah he took a day yeah like he's like get the chins in right right all that stuff right any concentrator right but with me he went like this does this guy need a billion of us yeah white dudes like you yeah he really cause well I think it's I think God's German that's why and I think the wrong people won the war don't mad about Pearl Harbor what yeah now I'll never eat sushi they're still the enemy I'm still an active Japanese army no my grandfather I swear to God my grandfather fought in World War two and he wouldn't eat sushi to the day he died he would say that he wouldn't you wouldn't eat it I'm tired of that just when Americans go it was a sneak attack they were angry about it right but that's war yeah it is Emperor Hirohito supposed to call Roosevelt and go yeah I'm head oh no it's me you know how's the family here either way I'm gonna take it tomorrow morning that's a good point yeah really good point its strategic ya know this they're sleeping in Pearl Harbor and they don't know we're coming yeah now listen babe it was a attack but it's like I get I get one that had to do what they had to do I get why the Japanese have to do what they have to do we're not treating them fairly treating them like second-class citizen since World War one and then they came in then we stopped [ __ ] paying for their oil we stopped the oil we said we're not giving you any more oil to take over for to China so they said listen babe the only way oh you're oh the Pacific feet out of the ocean it didn't work yeah and then the whole country got put in a microwave what's gonna happen you know and but I'm not but what I'm saying is mess with the boys Japanese yeah that's what the boys you woke up the boys yeah it's a situation it's unfortunate that that happened but I do not blame the Japanese for doing what they did and I also you know war is disgusting it's ugly and it sucks but it's not going anywhere but you know but do you think just it's a probably open for debate but do you think that nuclear bombs was a little too much I think I think the second one was a lot the second one and the first one is debatable I don't I wouldn't have chose to use it but but the other think about the other options from the from the allies point of view they said we're gonna lose a million soldiers if we invade Tokyo so or we can just drop some nuclear juice on these people and see what happens yeah and I don't I don't think it was right I don't think it was right what the United States did I do not don't call it juice but yeah all right I know they kept saying well listen you know Truman Truman kept saying he kept saying in Japan he said just give up your country sauce give up and the Japanese pride said we're not gonna do what we're not gonna do we're not gonna do it so he said you've given us no choice either you give up by today and we're not and or you're gonna be a bento box and then that's what happened you know what I mean and I and I know that everyone's gonna be a little traumatized up yeah I don't know and I'm saying it's wrong yeah I know it's wrong but it's like you know it's war you got to give up George Washington am i fascinate with George Washington one of the best books ever at 1776 about the start of our country they said the best thing about George Washington is what his number one quality was is he was able to see things as they were not as he wishes they were so he was very good at withdrawing and he would say when other generals would say no we have to attack them for the pride of our country saying you know we're gonna get [ __ ] smacked by these Redcoat cuties if we take one more step further so you'd say we will withdraw and then he constantly did that and played that game and then we want our independence where the Japanese were saying I want to I want to see things as I wish there I think we can beat them and it's like babe babe you can't with the United States of America we got the boys and we're charged up because you did a sneak attack you sneaky Fox well the problem also is is that they idolized Emperor Hirohito as a Sun God sure right sure and so when the people like Hitler right when people swallow that pill huh and many times you know you guys know I'm a trump supporter right so don't worry you're gonna get away you got the right look but if you're speaking our language right now yeah I think he's just making good choice after good choice and the [ __ ] cut down Hollywood wants to say something different that's a [ __ ] mansion right now and it's what it is [Music] that was about Zach here cosine now yeah yeah it was just cuz your brother your brother worked for the Obama missus everybody read a little Wikipedia before I got no I didn't Peter I know him you do know yeah Peter Pappas the gay guy he's the best in a list that kids are raising bad yeah well he's great you know my brother brought me to be like a morning show brought his brothers like a top-notch like DC lawyer like top-shelf gay like top-shelf gay kid and when we went when we but when the first time I met when the first time I met you honest his brother I was actually a back upset I was upset and offended that his brother wasn't sexually attracted to me I really wanted his brother think I was cute and he looked at me like I was the [ __ ] help he was like go throw the garbage cuz I'm just a Brooklyn MOOC I'm a talking job and I got really upset because I always thought it'd be funny if like if y'all walked in on me one day I was banging out his brother it's like I would do that for the patron it was funny he named brother at my engagement party my wife had a gaygent party at her parents house and they live in Long Island and her father's like a doctor and whatever and I had left the party I wasn't there and he showed up and nobody knew who he was so I actually my wife's father said to her like it is the air conditioner broken yeah yeah cuz he looked like he was there fixed yeah yeah he didn't look like he belonged I can't tell you how many times I have a Doctorate degree in physical therapy right so I would go I would go but I got my own caseload people would come in and I would say I walk in Ohio you you know whatever's going over their sheet you know medications whatever it is treating their injury and they would say okay great what am I gonna see the therapist and I said no it's me and they were like no that was just no and I would say no no it's me and they're like it can't be you and I'm like I'm multiple times I'd have to have my boss come in and show them my diploma and show them my passed the bar exam yeah and say here because because I understand it's not it was young-looking it's just I talk I sound like a [ __ ] idiot you said I sound like open yeah like I'm a garbage man you're an anomaly because you do look you're a good-looking guy I appreciate right but you have Woody Allen neuroses yes right because I follow him on you know things you know mean you always there's an ailment yeah or something going on right yeah so that's what's made that's what makes to endearing I feel I appreciate ya it's all real you know did you ever suck dick I've never sucked a dick well I've never sucked a dick oh I didn't black out while you were doing willingly but I did get face [ __ ] when I was 12 when you grow up in a neighborhood that I grew up in a deep trauma a deep brooklyn-queens neighbor what real [ __ ] tough guys you know they're all cops firemen criminals and I had a love of history implants so you're going to get skull [ __ ] yeah when that if you start to talk about your open love of history then unfortunately one of them and others it's gonna pop that's the way the cookie crumbles as they say you're talking to the right people we've been skull-fucked I feel out of place he raped yeah sorry Ani have fun with your by a guy with Down syndrome interesting yeah a full-blown you know upper body strength defense people with Down's have very they're like chimpanzees I call the hrs he didn't retort string yeah and I knew that is a little kids and you let them molest you like that yeah is this how you guys usually drive this actually sucked probably five or six days have you had your dick suck though by man yeah um no did you know I've had why are you talking about a man who identifies as a man or a man like a woman or that I identify as a woman while they were doing like a man like a gay man I've never had my dick sucked by a gay man but I have I got the skull [ __ ] when I was a kid but never in my adult life willingly with the guy I do I might from being a hundred cent honest with you I do fantasize quite often about sitting in men's laps but I don't know what that means he wants to get in like when he thinks that guy's really hot he wants to sit in her lap he has urges to go sitting there like Yanis Yanis is such a deep thinker and Yanis is such a motivated guy to read and learn and push the envelope forward and i can't tell you how many times when I was with my my kid's mom when we were together and every thing was going well I would have a deep beautiful conversation like looking at a tree about life in nature and that would get me so horny that I would have sex with my kids mom yeah that's so I get turned on by men but I have sex with women no conversation so in other words automatically I would say I'm emotionally gay physically straight that's how I would describe myself yeah or you could just I just grab it as just a fully gay man in the closet I mean he's waiting for his father to die to come out that's the true Irish Catholic and I pushed that's a rationalization a burr hood where it's like if you're not if you're not a cop a fireman or a criminal and you're especially pursuing an art form I mean you might as well just be sucking [ __ ] yeah it's like they just saw like dude where can your I know you're on Grindr and it's like nah guy I got a kid I'm just like I didn't want to be a cop or firemen but they're like this is the neighborhood where cops are but you know that the u.s. is really uptight about casual dick sucking because in the Philippines I can't think of one male family member of mine that didn't casually get their dick suck Duncan they don't identify as gay if family isn't a house but it's just casually at their dicks sexuality was way more prevalent in the ancient world than it is now I believe that it was less around upon people think oh now is the most um you know best time to be a homosexual it's a great time but it's like back in ancient Greece where Yanis can talk about that it was every it was way accepted nope Robin it was open yeah more open yeah he's a little more flexible yeah yeah yeah I've never even as a little kid had a problem even before the molestation I just always never thought about it but everyone really molested here you guys he wasn't all right that's all I was a really kids we play the best movie mu instead of shirts and skins who would be molested really good three-on-three I'm good sorry to interrupt guys but we want to share some amazing sponsors man's game that's game manscaped is how I shave my pubes it's so important to shave my pubes because I'm a swimmer and I want to cut down on the [ __ ] time yeah right men listen up hairy bushes are so 2019 all right if you are going to pick any new year's resolution this year let it to take care of your junk all right manscaped is making it easy for them to groom yeah their [ __ ] okay tell them more guys that's what their lawnmower 2.0 I use it by the way and it's so smooth go ahead you also use a ball butter I love the ball butter yeah he's one of those he's gonna go to Tokyo Olympics and win guys so get 20% off and free shipping with the code belly at manscape dot-com that's 20% off of free shipping at manscape dot-com and use the code belly Clell what do you enjoy about Bobbi's smooth body these days I feel like I'm [ __ ] a seal and that's that's all we have to say yeah that's little guys thank you rot the iraq-iran I love raw thise it's this company that's making stylish shoes for women and girls out of most this is the most important thing for me recycled plastic water bottles Oh comfortable and fully machine washable let me see one Bobbi with you these are raw the-- these are [ __ ] these are this is what's gonna save our planet guys what about the style you like it I love this table they have multiple sounds like they have the pointy toe shoes they have the Chelsea boots they have every every possible style and they have like the low you know like the the cute little more feminine ones but they're super stylish sustainable comfortable washable really all in one all in one pair of shoes they're the perfect flats for a life on the go honestly I actually absolutely love them look at the how cool they look and this is um recycled water bottles that's that's incredible thank you so much fun fact we got the Chelsea boots so check out all their amazing styles available right now at Rafi's comm slash belly go to Rafi's com ro th YS comm slash belly to get your Freight your new favorite flats comfort style sustainability these are the shoes you've been waiting for head to Rafi's comm slash belly today enjoy the rest of the show I wanna call [ __ ] to you and do you remember everything about him I remember I remember it was two brothers oh you got skull [ __ ] my brothers them help me down the other one the other one pumped me Road Warriors I was I was like the runt of the group I was 10 11 years old and I would hang out with 14 15 year old kids that's how I that's how I grew up I was always like the little one but they would hang out whatever so I would sit I was taking a [ __ ] and they were all in my house and I used to do all things I mean I remember one time they made me dress up that I got like butt naked and put on my mother's high heels in a Miami Dolphin Miami Dolphins hat and I went and open the door for the Chinese guy pushed me out and they locked the door and it was just me and him and the guy wouldn't you know the guy was like get away from me and I was just bought naked my mom's high heels on you know the middle of a summer day in New York City I'm sorry you know that thing they would do things like that to me which I was mistaken for love I was like oh it's just they're razzing me because they I didn't realize that they were abusing me you know you don't know so then I'm taking a [ __ ] one day and one of them held me down and just the other one [ __ ] pump me it wasn't a gay I mean it probably was a subconsciously gate thing but it was just to show Dom and it's over me yeah but in the long run I don't really regret it because you know and I'm not talking I don't I'm not disrespecting them oh they're still actually close friends of mine I'm totally over it but I've excelled in parts of my life where they have not because I was motivated to be like you guys did once I started to realize what was happening to me I was like I'm gonna destroy you now in every part of my life yeah that's what happened I have questions please we're taking a [ __ ] was the [ __ ] coming out at the time and you have any weird anal fetishes good question I don't have any weird anal fetishes I was [ __ ] I don't remember actually what if it was like mid turret of the turret at the ball or whatever but i but i but I do remember like I was [ __ ] like I was I'm in the toilet ordered you to [ __ ] quickly wait a second let me energy she's making a very good point that maybe you're not cognizant of ya tone because this is what he does yeah he runs the water while he shits and he but he leaves the door open which is a strange the same thing and you know what yeah I I was molested by brothers interesting what the [ __ ] is going on I have to ask him the water has to be a hint my body will not I can't pee or poop unless the water's on or the door open I hate the door the more sound there has to be sound I put the water on here when I just be you know in August I relapsed after 17 years of sobriety because my dad died right and I realized I had a lot of trauma growing up but I never even thought about it right I mean in all my life right right because he had changed over time but I had it go to I had to go to a institution and deal with you know this trauma sure that I endured so do you think that you felt any trauma from that at 12 I don't if I did feel it I haven't dealt with it yet but but i but I don't I I genuinely don't care like I don't want use there lad that's why even I won't even use their last names cuz I don't want to hurt them I'm not mad at them I generally I'm so happy I would not change one thing about my life because I see what they're go through in their life and how you know yet because now they're always at my shows and they're not you know I played basketball I excelled in sports past them and it was always like they're always at my events and the newspaper articles in the air but always about me and and and I'm not beating my chest about that but I'm just saying I I know like you know their mothers would ask my mother hey how can our kids be more like Chris he's doing well in these parts of his life and I'm like oh it's because you AB you I just used I in turn I used it I feel for positive but I I'm not totally convinced that one day I won't just blow my head off with a t-chart gun you know you can be like I have that same like pragmatism about just being molested and like yeah it doesn't affect me mentally it comes out through other ways of like excessive sweating and weird things that I didn't realize until I was like much older were like oh this [ __ ] me but in ways that don't involve I bite my nails about my fingernails yeah I toenails I scratch myself so how'd you love success revenge like when I was in high school when I was in high school right at the last year oh this the hottest girl at school went to my friend Craig goes I'll see you over the summer this and that and the shoot comes to me and she goes I'll never see you good luck I should just walked away I remember right and then I remember a couple years ago she was like in the third row of a sold-out show that I believe in right yeah and afterwards I hugged her how's life this and that yeah and when I drove to the hotel right I had such yeah right it's do it but it's like success revenge yeah it's so good it's so good yeah I'm so glad that I have only one skill set which is humor sure right and I was it I had all this drama and all that stuff but I want everyone to listen it's like if you could find that one thing right that one thing that you're obsessed about right and you do that one thing rigorously Haley you know yeah your life couldn't still even with the [ __ ] up background sure turn out good you know a lot of them you have a lot of people that you would want in the front seat oh my god I have like a list I have ends fantasy I have a lot of revenge fantasies I have a list of 1,200 1,200 public names on oh my god of people that I would sell a theater write them all give them free tickets yeah yeah that's like a [ __ ] Wilt Chamberlain number of people who I'm trying to even do the math and think how that's possible is that like three people a day you said [ __ ] you but it has to do with you know I have I have a mind that's a little delusional mm-hm and I perceive things that aren't really real right right like so if like a comic will walk by and you know regardless of what their day was like or what's going on their lives I don't know but if they don't say hello to me right I and I don't do this anymore but I used to write their little name in my heart right like Marc Maron didn't say hi to me today right right he gets into the revenge you know I mean baskets in but it's still out of my crazy delusional fantasy mind that does that and it's unhealthy and so I don't do it now but I've that's how I survived have those same sensitivities no we grow up with a lotta I think scar tissue because New York is such an honest raw place where your kids you need friends you're with when your kids everyone's just mean to each other and like so the way comics are everywhere they find like your worst characteristic and then they hold you down and [ __ ] you in the mouth in the bath yeah it's like you're growing up in a roast yeah we loved me that I was like it's not bad then we pumped it two or three times three taught it's just like I was I grew up where it's like if you're not being made fun of especially on my father's side if you're not you know they're not flicking you in the Hierro or abusing you it's like they don't care about you Brian you grow up with that where it's like that's the only way you get quick to come with comebacks cuz like that's how I was raised I want to say this it was because when I first went to New York to do a show there they made me do Opie and Anthony back when it was like yeah they were together huge and I remember it was greg Giraldo Patrice Norton it was a couple of other guys and as soon as I walked into they ripped me apart point where I literally left I don't know if you did take it Opie can tell you I got up and I just left right right because I could I didn't know because you know in California we don't behave I got a defend you there that's a little harsh like as soon as you walk in it's like especially Patrice O'Neal you gotta like you know meet a person first to really what did he say about you to remember anything about my baby arms you know how can I walk yeah whatever I just was relentless yeah and I remember sweating yes walking and walking away yeah and then the next year right I saw it back on the thing right but I said I mean I I went with my guns Yeah right I went click click click or sword whatever thing is yeah and I walked in and instead of attacking them I just started ripping myself apart good right and then they responded right in a very positive way right and it also taught me how to do podcast because you know when I was young I got MADtv you know and I did you know I memorize or whatever do characters it's not really this right so I didn't know how to I didn't know what my voice was I know what my point of view was I didn't even know who really I was right so and then when they forced you to go on the road and do these radio shows but then but I always think Opie and Anthony for doing that for me because it gave me a layer of skin and also it made me figure out how to do this right yes so I really thank them but you know eat the East Coast is very scary for sometimes for you know young guy from the west coast that goes there because it's like yeah we're both kind of like opposite extremes and I think we can learn a lot from each other because New York is like very like cutthroat and like me versus you who's the best is the best at what comedy who gives a [ __ ] yeah yeah I mean it's like not it's not a zero-sum game it's an art form that people have different tastes people are like and then here it's very collaborative and that's nice and supportive and those are two extremes I think that it but you guys have that now too because I know that Schulz was on here or like it got it now because we see how much [ __ ] money living in the hill okay yeah you know we got one betty's with bedbugs pick up the pace Rogen Rogen started that culture oh yeah I know right oh yeah and him bringing in people and then us all starting our own and then you know we all do our each each others and we were of our family no we want to get into this yeah yeah you're here yeah and the East Coast in the East Coast we see all that stuff now we're like a the I mean listen we know stand-up is important we know but now it's like you know the podcast is what it's about like we're not worried about doing the Tonight Show anymore we came we came at her specifically to do this like this is the biggest thing we'll do you know in weeks because of what how how many people your podcasts reaches so it's like we understand what it is now some of our peers back home are still like oh I did the Colbert show six times that good for your positive I mean I mean that good for you positive but it's got the room half sold in Cincinnati it's because you got grabs on the wrong thing yeah I'll take this and move tickets you got to come and out here and do this stuff it's so funny because when like he came over yesterday to put myself on tape for who do people say it looks like what what do you think who do you look like Bruno Mars or broom that's a good one thank you I would say I would say yeah Bruno Mars I would say Tiki statue Bruno Mars or Moana you know there was a big movie and we're on tape and I literally did not care like three years ago I would have been like do it again because it was my life was riding on that job right and now it's like I'll get caught and you want to go in and read for the women chill but it's like this big director I don't give a [ __ ] it's it's like like even like I got a show in developer right now a Comedy Central and it's a cartoon and I hope it gets on yeah I genuinely do but I'm aware that even if it does it's not I would never sacrifice my podcast or the stuff that we get to do with you guys for anything on TV never I would never even like I was on a development call with them a couple of days ago and they're you know it's like what's the subjective truth of the characters like I know [ __ ] it you know it's like I had on mute I'm like boxing and then they come in they come in and that Chris do you have anything to say I'm like whatever you want to do whoever you want me to voice I'll be transgender let me you can voice me [ __ ] Aquafina I don't give a [ __ ] yes give me the money because I'm just trying to get cash because the real art the real beauty isn't being able to do what we're doing not with all these [ __ ] you have to start you can't say this because of this sponsor that it's like that's not what people care about anyway yeah they care about us just being honestly real like I wish I could talk about oh yeah do a scene where I get [ __ ] and skull-fuck by the McLaury brothers he'll never allow it it's the funny [ __ ] you know it's the funniest [ __ ] and it's going to lead to much I have that freedom yeah to say who my perpetrators were because they're poor and in the Philippines when I was a physical therapist you know you work with a big Filipino Filipinos at least on the East Coast here you big in the physical therapy commune and they got the softest little hands that they can get a little there's little hands that can get in and be fine that they give the best massage no they got little baby they bind their feet to [ __ ] not yeah they got little baby [ __ ] hands look at these these are not baby yeah yeah no no this about wanna hands oh yeah what's with the white weight say you're white am Filipino yeah either I was born in Rio up max aqui I thought you were Mexican that's what happened but but you Barney how dare you man but in the pit what I mean people would think you were yeah but I was Mexican in high school yeah I didn't the Filipinos didn't like me and my school was predominantly black in Mexican so the Mexicans took me in and I speak Spanish and I get on Mexicans are I'm not even gonna lie to even over Filipinos my favorite people in the world now right they're my favorite people too as long as they're citizens [Laughter] coming over the wall from Juarez no I'm a person I think I live my life in the gray zone where it's like listen I got I I I'm all for the walls stupid I don't [ __ ] what that's a [ __ ] dumb idea but it's like you know yeah I want everybody to be safe so it's like you can't let everybody in without some type of nice you know system where we can verify things and just that's fine I don't of course but let everybody this is America I got no problem with that but it's like if you say that dog you [ __ ] Republican [ __ ] it's like nano baby I'm trying I got you UN stable you can sit because people with three four roommates you know that they [ __ ] that they're kids they're saying they're cats they're they're cat parents they're yelling about the politics it's like you don't know what you're talking about babe I pay taxes I own a home you don't [ __ ] know about you don't have any idea you're sitting around commiserating you're you telling me about I saw this one guy yelling on Twitter about what's gonna happen if the Supreme Court justice sways this way and all and like you're just regurgitating articles you [ __ ] googled and this thing is he works for FedEx it's like go [ __ ] and deliver the packages baby just mail me my [ __ ] okay take a seat hon yeah let the people we voted and just do their jobs and trust in the system and that's it yeah yeah Hitler came to power don't ask questions don't talk yeah that's it you know yeah Bo put some people in camps yeah the people that are the people that are most offended by it are people that live like in the middle of the country right that aren't affected as much as we are in the cities right and we don't make that big of a huge like what's the gang ms6 613 yeah yeah I've lived by ms-13 gang members in Silver Lake we all do this is LA but that's the thing when you were saying it's like the people in the middle of the country they everybody if it really affects you like people don't care we figure out ways to deal with it like even me like it happened to me I was on this show on Netflix and I got fired for a joke because there was an international like competition and the Chinese team was competing and they fell off the obstacle course into the water and they called it the Beast blood and say that I hit the competitors name was Ben Fung yeah and I said there goes Ben Fung into the duck sauce and the hypocrisy was I get fired whatever for that I got fired but Ben Fung Ben Fung retweeted the the clip of me saying that Ben Fung who I said it about was very Abby it's like hilarious it's so funny or whatever you want to come to my comic shows but I got fired by this fat white woman named Barbara yeah it's because Barbara has to [ __ ] stand up for China it's wonderful you're fat [ __ ] you have duck sauce on your fingertips so it's the same thing with the middle of the country about the it's like everybody wants to do the job for everybody else like relax man like yeah relax like you know we don't have to do all these things like you have to hire a black man and a woman that demeans them well equal that's yes yes you know like let everybody be fair and square rot we're 2020 it's like I understand there's still subtle racism in and or maybe major racism in parts of the country but it's like we get it like come on man like you know just show business it's hard for everyone right even in like in 1999 yeah when I got MADtv they didn't want an Asian right they'd never had one they even said he's not gonna get it right right and then when I did get it you know right it felt there was no movement or we I was you know Asia's weren't the it thing all right but I still had the opportunity yeah and I hit it out of the [ __ ] park yeah and I got it my god yeah that's America it's a it's a hard for everyone it's hard for everyone and even like even like where I come from like deep Brooklyn like I got a father like a [ __ ] father that was like in and out of jail like deep Brooklyn father I've never heard that man and you would see you would see this guy in a TV show and be like all that guy's the most racist guy ever I've never heard that man utter a racial slur unless his team didn't cover the spread but uh but you know but other than that he's just kind he's open his doors when there was a big flood uh hurricane sandy devastated New York in 2012 and Staten Island got ravaged and my father's house was a little inland so my father but the houses on the shore got destroyed mostly mostly Latino families and my dad went rented a u-haul truck every single day and went down and helped them and do all that and even had two different families live in his house for two weeks each took their kids to school and all that but my dad's just from a time so he's doing the right thing my gadgets from a time know where like he likes to have like little jokes like you forgot that the the leader of the family that the father his name was Juan my dad called him Jose he did just didn't give a [ __ ] he would be like Oh hide the silverware like old school dad hack jokes you know be like you know like are you in a gang you know kids three years old like [ __ ] like that you know but but he's the act was I'm gonna help because I love people so so when you try to take awake words now in comedy it's like somebody would call some like woke [ __ ] social justice where he would want to like tie my dad up and [ __ ] burn him at the stake cookies of which it's like he's doing more for the community in turn a claim to push racism back and push progress forward than you ever could it's amazing you just want to hurt people sorry to interrupt but we have some amazing sponsors we want to share with him Tim Tim let's get back in the room no hymns is do it right man you gotta do it right and I you know I the most two important things to me in life is my head mm-hmm the hair on my head and my penis yep those are the two honestly if I got in a car accident and either one of those things are fine I'm fine okay and the reason why I say that is because when I was a young man I had no money I didn't couldn't afford you know anyone to go to to talk about my hair loss or how my penis didn't work and now in this new age 2020 men mm-hm have away tell them guys dive into 20/20 hair first right now our listeners can get started with their first month free go to for hanscom's slash belly that's four hams calm slash belly a prescription requires an online consultation with the position who real permanent physicians guys yeah and they will determine if a prescription is appropriate offer Val own if prescribed three month minimum subscription additional restrictions apply see website for full details and important safety information forty years ago you had Ron here Howard hair you had Ron Howard hair you're stuck with it you're stuck with it not anymore guys remember that's for hams Tom slash belly you can we'd love to have you on the podcast Ron Howard that's what it sounds like when quip is in my mouth Oh equip is the thing ask her and I used to I used to have I went to write eight years ago and I bought a fancy like electrical thing and when I press the button it would shock me Oh God yeah it would it would shock my body right oh and then in my mouth it didn't feel right bleed I'm 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get quip comm slash belly right now you'll get your first refill free that's your first refill free at get quip comm slash belly spelled GE tqu IP comm / belly quip the good habits company enjoy the rest of the show I don't believe right now that most people who call for all this social reform well I actually don't think they want at all I think they want more division because then they have a job if you don't have they don't have a job without us being divided a lot of these bloggers and all that then make money if what happens if we solve racism and solve the problems they're out because nobody gives a [ __ ] what they have to say unless they're inciting [ __ ] you but what you said about your dad right is I do the same thing with this guy frenzy he comes in right what's up ching ching sure right my dad and my dad and my dad would do the same right yeah I've always been like that right and yeah it's my way of like you know getting a laugh yeah I think it's funny when they say it to me right it's funny though when you think you've been offended in the past and like supermarket but yet when Sophia but when somebody I don't know does it yeah well that's messed that's different because I don't know what their intentions are right I don't know what you know maybe they don't call me ching chong and they are a part of the KKK I don't [ __ ] know that's not I think it's the irony that we're at like that's the irony of freedom is that we're so free here nobody wants to admit it what comes with that is you're free to complain yeah because like our complaints and these complaints these whoa complaints if you compare them to what our parents or grandparents had to complain about you bill our grandparents would be like what and you'd be like oh it's so bad here it's like it it is where we came from was really bad yeah and guess what the people who were treating us bad over there looked exactly like us so people are shitty America has nobody wants to admit the other side of America it's like yeah America has problems but what kind of the best place yeah my mother when she was nine years old she grew up in the Korean War she was walking her sister to school just cut to the chase her sister got hit by a military truck entrails on the streets there was no ambulance so I get a run up and get hurt my uncle's right it took rice bags picked up my it's my mom's don't do that what my mom write was raised with right so it's like we have it so good here right if that ever happened we'd get an ambulance you know and there are also laws in terms of driving and stuff in this country that probably does that prohibits something like that from happening it does happen you know even by but yeah we have it so good here and you're right at that point is like that's like this I've said it so many times on this podcast there's this woman I think her name is like Diana Brooke and she says lofty ideas are a privilege of the well-fed nothing rings truer that privilege where you complain it's like the split that that's the ones who complain about the privilege yeah I'm coming from the because if you talk to your grandparents wherever they're like yeah nothing's a problem I didn't have shoes but you know what we ate yeah yeah I had a little food and it's like look you know you think like some of the problems of our youth right now whatever they complain about this is an injustice that's an injustice it's an American or western world problem because the same kids who are 19 20 21 22 years old in Syria and war-torn countries the Middle East they don't complain about that because they're getting bombed and acid attacks well like Yemen is a starving kid in Yemen right doesn't give have an opinion about transgender or what to call them right they don't think I have to call Eskimos Inuits now they don't have those issues cuz I want to [ __ ] eat also rate was overblown I really do I think people are shitty because when you look up like who kills the most Asian people in history Asians who kills the most white people white people who's killed the most black people black people who kill whatever's closest to you so if people come into contact of course it can be racist cuz people are skinny and they want a note I would I would even go as far as to say that the most racist towards Asians are Asians parable to each other like on our podcast history hyenas plug it in is yeah we we cover the ranked The Rape of Nanking where you know what the Japanese did to the Chinese is as brutal if there are Batum ways abies to be brutal brutal brutal yeah I dad told me that when the Japanese occupied Korea these to hang Koreans by their ankles upside down in a tree and then dump them in boiling water they didn't do that right do that yeah yeah we're talking about people who have the same DNA I mean they're different countries different which is a little bit but this is the same DNA you say if you take the people that there's no difficult Pot was a good guy some good points but I mean you know you look at crow acts and Serbs what they do to each other you know the list goes on and on and on the Irish and the British it's like people kill whatever's closest we're just we're still evolving you know and it's like you know we didn't get we're not the apex predator cuz we were nice to the other animals we destroyed and killed the killing is in our DNA as a human being I mean for millions of years we were just another animal on the on the desert plane and we would get eaten alive by lions and hyenas in the same [ __ ] but then we does we have the most killer and we've killed 99% of all living things as human being so what do you think of course we're gonna be [ __ ] horrible to each other that's why it's a little mind book I don't think I think most people don't want to do the research they don't want to do the work they just want to say it's easier for me to plain and [ __ ] and get something I really don't deserve by shouting and injustice as opposed to saying let's try to fix this and help like it's very interesting how like you know you like in Hollywood like Shane Gillis gets fired for saying [ __ ] read what he say try a [ __ ] which is not on that saying that's right but he gets fired is inaccurate description yeah yeah yeah I'm not saying it's right but the guy didn't [ __ ] deliver the food but it's like Shane Gillis right is gonna lose his job because of the outcry because of these you know social justice worse and blah blah blah blah blah and gets fired right okay for doing a comedy piece whether you think it's funny or not I don't think that he really meant that he's doing a comedy bit and the joke missed but he gets fired just he's smollett and he gets dropped by his agency UTA story gets dropped dropped his agency has to drop him Jessie small a who faked a hate crime right he faked hate crime but he's from a part of our community that like you know where they'll say oh you know what he did that and justices and and all that stuff is true they kid from Empire I faked ahead he faked a hate crime he's still he did not get dropped by his agency that's why so one guy gets dropped Jesse Smollett stays there's not fair right there not I know it's like whatever and also he didn't lose the support of a lot of his captors it's all [ __ ] yeah but in the context of this though right there is a cider to it where minorities in this business I can really talk about this business where they didn't use this at all I agree with you're a pioneer in a lot of ways because yeah you were one of the first to kind of open the door a lot yeah yeah but they but then it's swung the extreme the other way right we just have to find the middle ground here right I think that's what we're gonna get to yes all right the middle ground eventually yeah because you know it's like I know a lot of white dudes who are angry who are actors and they complain to me all the units all minorities now it's a [ __ ] for 50 years 60 years of this business we couldn't even [ __ ] Genghis Khan John Wayne yeah yeah just call you [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah yeah and that's what John Wayne sells tickets you know pronounce his name yeah yeah imagine the Asian actors who audition for that part oh my god who got it all right yeah no but I absolutely especially in this business minorities have it's it's it's all fine and fair but it's like you know like you said the over correctness it gets to a point where it's like we're now you're over correcting so much that you're hurting more people like they say the oppressors become the oppressed that's that's the oldest added that's what happens we always see it with humans just always swing extremes it's like because it's just more fun yeah yeah it's more fun to be extreme yeah it was kind of boring I wanted like I want to have some soup but not too much yeah we just want to go off the rails or abstinent you know you really like [ __ ] not the other yeah that's fun I don't want what I do my stand-up or any my comedy the last thing I would ever want an audience to do is to clap at some political statement I made either lat if you laugh and it goes into clap dirt great but I'd rather you just laugh or not laugh because when these comedians get out there and they get a [ __ ] cent to my I'm getting clapping it's like you ain't dude like this isn't a TED talk you're supposed to be doing comedy like I don't care about your political statement it's what the politics this hyper inflated egos that they use now right now for specials you know yeah oh no dude go ahead sorry I don't know I'm gonna say this okay you always look like you're sneezing you're right because New York are kind of we're we come to most diverse city in the world so we're exposed to everybody so it's like you kind of get this if we don't really mean it's kind of joke but that but the country white guys yeah they mean a place of like yeah [Music] but the whoa comics that they're using for specials and whatnot all this stuff are people that couldn't survive in comedy class no no right I mean I've seen them at open mikes I've seen them at like you know coffee shop gigs or whatever right and so I think that's at that really because then as a guy that does the clubs and I like you know I'm playing the Irvine this weekend I'll sell out I think you but it'll you know the whole audience would be sitting on the floor Indian style yeah I mean it's like you know now specials or whatnot are going to work people who get they say like these you know mean yeah these political thing [ __ ] right and people clap right but they're not I mean this whole thing where you're supposed to say the right thing in comedy but that's sort of the opposite of what comedy is you know nobody when did comedy like saying hey racism is bad it's like yeah of course it is yeah is that fun it's like if Larry David was a good guy on his show like how would that be funny like when you got in trouble in school for being the class clown it wasn't because you said the right thing at the right time our job is to say the wrong thing with charisma as a politician yeah if I treat something out funny why why cuz I said that I made fun of a group yeah I'm a comedian it says it in my bio you know I'm Acadian yeah that's our job that we're trying to define a joke out of existence jokes are not the right thing because it's the only way that they have power now some of these writers that go after these convenience they only have that power like you were saying earlier because of this canceled culture where if you start to say you know what [ __ ] like you can't cancel that's what I love about well you guys have you can't cancel this podcast you could say whatever you want you could you could piss off one yeah maybe some people will chop off but the the power is in the fans hands which is where it should have always been and now it feels like it's going that way so the podcast I think does give us power back to say we want to be funny I'm not saying I'm gonna say so I don't mean I don't want to hurt a group of people with words I'm not racist against anybody what you're joking do you think they'll come after - eventually no I don't think Wow maybe ads and whatnot we'll go go we cannot now sponsor put on your patron how are you gonna tell your did two three four million fans like if they all want to give you five bucks adhere the pockets they would do it in a heart because they love you down something else will pop up yes how can they know right no unless it goes back unless it's like becomes like China where like you they cancel the internet then it's a problem people come to find funny people need funny because they need relief from life and life is tough that's what comedy does and they get it now from the podcast because the mainstream is going the walk route and they're doing that because like Chris said it supports a whole infrastructure of [ __ ] it's like if I'm gonna review a comedy special my if I need purpose as a writer I got a review a bad one and tell you it was good and that's where I find purpose cuz if I'm telling you a good one was good I have no purpose because you already know that because you [ __ ] laugh and that's why I mean reviewing comedy specials is hilarious it's like guy we know yeah it's we review it in real time by laughing watch yeah I knew I knew that that comedy special suckers I used to put my daughter to sleep okay that's why I know it sucks it was a [ __ ] and that's why guys give themselves meaning like on look it wasn't exactly funny but here's why it was needed say that are you gonna get kissed I'll kiss you right on the [ __ ] thirty Greek mouth so he said cuz what he says what he said what we [ __ ] have done now he's like you know what these [ __ ] you know these magazines want to lie and say this person got the number one County Treasurer go see these comedy specials and then [ __ ] lie because it's an hour long snooze fest then guess what we do Jana sits in his bathtub and he writes articles from the New York Times we just been in a building bill burger because guys congratulations on the New York home and I went yeah I went I wrote that Yanis tourism is [ __ ] bathtub so and that's just the truth you yeah so it's like if they can guess what if they can [ __ ] then it's like you do it we can do it too I can write an article and say guess I'm [ __ ] quoted by saying this because you're [ __ ] lying so now so are we yeah yeah because so write it is a [ __ ] lie the lie they're lying you they're lying to you when they tell you that that comedy special is fine it wasn't going like Bobby's just funny it's just you just don't even need a joke you're just born to be funny yeah and like that's what comedians used to be like yeah you are you we're walking to do a triple kiss like it's spring break in a second yeah yeah because it's like I was and I pitched the show with Jo koy and Howie Mandel about a month ago I was at Netflix and how it goes jo does stand-up and service Bobby and they looked at me in the room they go you do stand-up yeah [ __ ] right and for a split second I was gonna let these people dictate how I feel about me no in my work and what I do right but I just want you know what they just don't welcome welcome how much of that conference did you get from having this like your own show where you can just be as funny and wild as you want well I mean I I mean when I met her six years ago I had nothing in my career I couldn't get auditions I didn't have a podcast I was selling maybe a hundred seats at a club at most right you still everybody Comics comic yeah yeah babe I knew a lot of comics I wanna yeah I could go to both coasts and meet people and have and with the best and whatever but I literally now I'm having a resurgence in all of it right yeah because of this and what I love about this too is is that you know my agents and my managers they didn't help they don't get a cut good right don't give it to him yeah and um I have nobody telling me what to say but I mean there are things if I see the N word which I never have by the way you know me but suppose I do that wheel cut maybe when you start drinking but what I love about this too is is that because I know that you and Schultz you know mean you guys remind me of what we have going on in here no it is it's obvious it's it's just that's why I was telling Georgia eat them on you know because um you know we feel that way about you guys you guys and that's and that's what I also love about this community is is that hopefully we can do go even more high coastal and connect in that way because now it's at a time where it's like you know I don't know like what the the show was or whatever that you're doing with Joel coin howie mandel but it's like it's actually probably gonna cost you money to do TV now because you're doing so well with this podcast and with your ticket sales that it's like it'll cost you money to do TV so it's like why is it even worth it like you can't convince these youtube stars like the logan paul's of the world when we're talking to Tim Dylan yesterday it's like you can't convince those guys to do TV they make too much money it's like you want me to lose money to [ __ ] go through your dumb development process [ __ ] you yeah do this ya know and it's like and more to the point with like our us being a community now it's like it makes me feel good us feel good because we're like you know what like we're gonna keep trying and keep you know doing it but if like if it doesn't work like we feel like none of us will go broke anymore because we can always help each other it's like if I really needed help I know you would let me open for you and and vice versa and whatever we're used to be like like you said six years ago you just didn't have any gigs there's no money we're now it's like I need help help me and the comedians will help each other I used to allow Hollywood and these gatekeepers to dictate how I feel about my you want to say Jude just say juice and I was auditioning for the president of some Network and I and it was I was testing for a show right and I remember opening my mouth and him he did this as soon as I open my mouth then I my mind starts spinning right when I drove away from that I knew I didn't get it sure I missed cuz I was spinning and I was probably in a depression for six months after this sure right I let them dictate how I feel and that's why this is everything yes this is I dictate this dictate how I feel about my this is the best form comedians have ever had I think in history right now it's the best time to be a comedian because the things we like the most are laughing with our friends having a good time for as long as we want and absolutely nobody telling us what to do ever yeah and it's like that isn't that the worst part of moving committee going to meeting they're like we love it but yeah like what are you what did you do you know working in the [ __ ] accounting department yeah we do go every night and we figure out how in a vacuum to make people laugh strangers laugh we test it in real time I know if it's good or not guy the [ __ ] are you and what do you do are you talking right now it's like all these where we talk about the agents these people in the industry is like they just come from some [ __ ] rich family where they're they're an embarrassment to their own [ __ ] like yeah yeah you're gonna tell me what's [ __ ] funny let the comedians go there's lettuce you know what we do if you know and this isn't we're able to let go here and that's and that's why I think you're seeing the movement all over it's like you know all the everybody who's got a nose got hit podcast is selling the tickets over I mean you sure we have some of our peers who are doing sitcoms but and they're making money and good for them but they're not selling tickets cuz nobody cares yeah they want to come see you cuz you're in there cuz you're in their ear for an hour at least every week with raw unfiltered unedited comedy and it's beautiful there is a good feeling because I was young on a sitcom for two years yeah and there is a good feeling about driving onto a lot and having your parking space no it feels it does feel because I still have romance I have romances about old-school Hollywood yeah and all that stuff so it is I treat myself I do because I do magnum p.i so I go to Hawaii in two weeks to do another episode awesome yeah it doesn't pay well but I like the people in the cast so it I do like acting you know but I know it's just it's not how I'm paying for this house that's what I'm saying I would do a sitcom tomorrow and I would do anything call me central does greenlight what I have well they will they will hey guys they will thank you you'll do it yeah but it's like my point is like I'm never gonna let that sacrifice the earlier because it's like so I don't mind doing it I'm not saying on the anti that I'm still but it's like they don't have my attention like they used to because they can really do less I could do more for myself than they can do for me you know a weird time it's like yeah funnies funny it's like he's been making a lot of Asian jokes in here with the Asians here yeah and you guys are laughing cuz it's funny and you know it's not meant like what's happened now is like there's people who are move from that context going like wow that's wrong you're going like it's jokes man folks come I'm doing it because I love you guys yeah yeah I'm not doing cuz I hate you guys I'm doing cuz I'm I feel honored to be here I haven't yeah yeah I had a character that was a Puerto Rican so gendered character and like Puerto Ricans loved it yeah loved it yeah people who would come to pay to see it reporter Ricans but then when I would go it's like meeting and Pitt to a meeting and pitch it as a show they looked at me like I was they were like what are you crazy like this could never ever be on television I'm going why you know I was actually just looking through the comments of Chet Hanks after he started speaking yeah and so a lot of people were really like riled up they were like oh that's like absolute appropriation right but everyone from Jamaica was putting Jamaican flags out moments like they were so happy he was speaking about who's getting offended it's like the people who think you're not supposed to say that yeah it's like I said before it's like it's like did you make it don't care and even cultural appropriation you know I read this book sapiens and it was like and it's like that's another thing if the McLaren Brothers heard that I get skull-fuck though and it's like I read I read that book and it's like you know he had a whole chapter about cultural appropriation and what that really means it's like whatever you think your culture is a thousand years ago those people who are in your family your great-great-great grandmother's grandfathers would be going nuts if they saw you doing what you think your culture is now because it was raped into you and conquered into that's what culture is it's one culture coming over through an ocean or through land and dominating and then making that culture your culture so it's like when you say you can't do that's like human beings is one shared culture like it's not it's a little ridiculous but when somebody says to elevate ourselves as human beings and evolve a little bit and not do that or do you think that that's always gonna be part of our DNA to take actually land to take over oh yeah that I think I I think I think you don't have because I think that what I said earlier I think that's why we are the apex predator because we because you want if we want to dominate and it's subconscious you know I don't want to do that because we have society's rules and you know the new neocortex part of my brain has my limbic system and I'm emotional and I don't want to hurt you or see you in pain but it's like deep deep deep deep deep in my core if you start to strip things away and it starts to become fight or flight it's like yeah we'll kill each other to survive I think it's ingrained in us it's just how you were raised and what happened to you in your life well I I don't like Lord of the Flies situation of us would you eat first yeah which one about which one about a gay guy so I'm eating you first penis I'm not touching you yeah what's wrong what I eat first mallanna I did George first because I like my own taste yeah I would eat him first because he's always hi he wouldn't even know what's going on yeah oh yeah army wouldn't even I would eat you first why you've been through a lot he has rhino hide foreskin it's a difficult time right we would hide in a tree for two weeks with a banana right we're survivors I don't know why the tall gene is dominant when shorter people live longer yeah it doesn't make sense like why did what is that why does that happen women like it so people stretch themselves out cuz chicks like tall dudes chicks do like you know like a hominins yeah except you yeah personality right yeah cuz he's all pods because you know what he gives off he gives off like a life he gives off like a vitality that I think what you see you Kennison ya know it gives off this vitality this life force well you I think subconsciously you're head are saying you know you find him attractive and you love all these things about vitality you say he would give me he's a fun [ __ ] now yeah he's jumping around the room he flies down the tree I think it goes deeper than that I think present Filipino and colonial mentality of always having like seeing like praising the colonists and I think deep down inside I think that you're an oppressor and a colonizer and somehow gets my [ __ ] wet very portable over an hour yeah so here's what we do at the end okay by the way I want to say because I want to say it that way this was a pleasure both of you together thank you it was a real pleasure for me I we got a lot out I botched your podcast name earlier it's really how you history hyenas hi hi II history hyenas we say it's hyenas but I put the extra agent for marketing hi he but it's when you smell it on itunes it's just hyenas yes Bob Laura's already said the extra H is for homos yeah Ari Shaffir yeah interesting but um I want to say that this cat calling the no you know he used to beat the [ __ ] out I know physically oh he kicked my face in 20 times once where I was like why really it just a long story but that was probably my fault but but yeah but you're better now I'm better now we're very good friends but what I want to say is is that the peer and utter pleasure because you know we get a lot we get some comics on the show that I had to pull mm it's like pulling teeth sometimes you know but I know I'm just new instinctual II with you too that I wouldn't have to do that there's so much more that we can talk about we could have done this for 10 hours I think I feel really inspired I think I want to start a podcast called Scialfa and we just bring in really downtrodden sexually abused people yes yeah either one of you if you ever need this to promote anything thank you if you're ever in town you need I swear to God I swear to God on my sobriety on my mother's life that if you ever need anything we've got every God is Chinese god but I will do anything for you guys I don't know if that's a two-way street totus we're gonna ask you if I don't know if you're you're busy but we're gonna ask you if you want to be a guest on our podcast tomorrow morning it's at 10:00 a.m. 9:00 a.m. I have to do per Chrysler's Netflix show tomorrow that's the [ __ ] that happens in LA I love to do podcasts but I got a dude a tomorrow big day tomorrow but thanks for asking but at the end of hours we do think this thing called unhelpful advice people email us and hopefully you can you mean he doesn't have to be helpful it can be unhelpful but we'll just read it go ahead unhelpful bias with the history he knows what the [ __ ] hey my boy friend I've been together for a little over a year but we've been close friends for five plus years everything's been great recently but on Christmas Eve I had a gut feeling to go through his phone I never go through his phone but something in my back of my mind was telling me - I used his sleeping face to unlock his phone with face ID and I found out he was exchanging naked photos with 15 transgender women on [ __ ] I ended the relationship but now I would left with the insecurities that I look like a man I know has everything to do with him but his fetish but my insecurities are now down to zero I still in love with him yet hate him at the same time any good advice first of all that is a genius move to use his sleep on events there's so many women listening this right now going yeah I'm doing that tonight you know what I think I think that if she's saying that she still feels positive or is it a guy or girl I was in a gay relationship no it's a girl girl I was saying if she still feels positive around him maybe that's just a part of his brain sexually that it's got nothing to do with her where he's like you know what I love you I'm not gonna cheat on you but in this other realm in this [ __ ] you know cyberspace realm I want to do that and that's okay let his mind do that but as long as he's still respecting you and making you feel secure than I I don't see there's any reason to break up with him I I agree I think that when I was younger I felt this like incessant need to know everything about my partner and that's so unrealistic there are just some things that will never be explained to me and you're right about the feeling positive where that's what drove me to not feel a certain type of jealousy that I felt in my 20s it's just like you know what if it's over if it feels good at home if I'm receiving the love if he's kind to me I'm cool yeah yeah that's it I mean years ago I was jerking off to a porn it was a close-up shot of this woman blowing this guy I was going yeah you know it panned out and it was a dude okay right I still came I don't feel guilty about it was also a kind of erotic you know that way right I didn't feel any kind of shame about it and maybe that's just a fetish thing that he has but I don't think it has nothing to do with he views you as a dude that's I think I think there's no I don't mean I don't mean this in a disrespectful way I think we're all guilty of this but I think that there's narcissism in her point I'm not [ __ ] on her for it I'm just saying it's like this is not about you at all this is all about him it has to for you to internalize that it's like that's that's the problem there it's like don't how does he make you feel because that's got nothing to do with you yeah and I think like you know if it's always made me feel closer to Bobbie to know that he has some thick and it's a weird thing that a lot of people don't dad do to Ellie I'll bring the McClaren brothers like I was I like that it sees Li feel he's elevated in that way where he's not some [ __ ] bro so scared of his love his sexuality like I'm into it and I I think this girl thing you're right about the narcissism thing like it goes back to how she feels about herself immediately Bobby's always dated chicks with like androgynous features and yeah there's there's a part of me that believe he does like like me because I'm flat-chested and kind of buff but but you know it goes back to the dick but it's not it's I don't think it's gay at all if that's what you're worried about also and also it's like yeah with all women jerk off to lesbian porn like almost all doesn't mean they're not straight it's like it's a fantasy thing and you know a lot of transgender women are more feminine than than actual women so it's like you know the piece down there what's the diff we watch the neuroscience the North scientists said the number one thing that excites men heterosexual straight men is transgender porn when they have really big dicks and really big tits because that's the thing and we'll we'll fast forward ahead well fast-forward through porn with a man of except for the woman if the guy's got a little dick off he's not Rocking the signals in your back what she should be worried about her question was do I look like a man versus Mike I feel deceived that he is exchanging messages with another human rather than a transgender thing doesn't [ __ ] matter right the fact that he might be cheating on you that's what Matt dishonest that's what matters but it far as the jerking off thing it's like hey I've jerked up some weird stuff yeah it's like one of those if you have to send those pics by way like I'm not I I I'm you know I'm a chick I'm not supposed to talk about or enjoy rape but do I love like rape porn and seeing Ken do it's just [ __ ] cream pie one chick strapped down [ __ ] yeah yes I have a special called blowing the light which is on YouTube please check it out and most importantly history hyenas with me at Christmas Stefano 1 when does this episode come out she Wednesday oh [ __ ] ok and I'll be a Gotham I'm sorry Gotham February 21st to 22nd in New York City and uncle Vinny's February 27th 28th in New Jersey get tickets so I'm Kristy comedy calm I got January 24th Hamden Connecticut Spaceland Ballroom celebrity theatre January 25th Atlantic City and February 8th Kennedy Center Washington DC Christie Comicon for the tickets and I love [ __ ] so good hey guys we're here at housekeeping hope you guys enjoyed that episode I had a great time those guys were funny George that just kept on going and getting better I loved it fun fact I actually auditioned for Chris's show two years ago guys on that note we'd like to thank all our sponsors for sponsoring this show get 20% off and free shipping with the code belly at manscape dot-com also go to Rafi's comm ro t hy s comm slash belly to get your new favorite flats made out of water more comfortable stylish and sustainable I love that yeah let's Tiger belly all day and remember for all your hair and penis needs and just help as a man go online to for hems comm slash belly and if you want to avoid that Chernobyl mouth get quip go to get quip comm slash belly right now g-e-t qu i p.com slash belly and for all the bobbies tour dates you can go to Bobby Lee live.com and he vines this week this weekend is in Irvine are you gonna be there I don't know I'm trying to go there I'm trying to go there I will try but you'll prolly you're probably going for Bobby though if you're listening to this so are vine doors having a meet up at Kona grill next door so just assume all those plazas have kind of weird Hawaiian thing he's in Omaha Nebraska at the funny bone on the weekend of January 24th so 24th 25th and maybe the 26th check that out on or check that out the funny bones website in Omaha if you're in Omaha and then February 13 through 16 Schaumburg Illinois and Chicago Chicago improv Oh guys thank you for listening you can follow kalila at clam decay for all your tiger belly behind-the-scenes stuff as she posts things have Bobby there all the time you can follow Bobby at Bobby Lee live for all Bobby Lee related things you can follow George at I'll give this one to John John Nana follow and it's on nah-nah if you want some super cinematic postings and do you post up about your child see you guys get kids and cinematic footage and then you can follow Barack Obama at Gill bits one of the best presidents from what I hear um make sure you follow us on Tiger belly at Tiger belly on Instagram and then at that Tiger belly on Twitter and you can email us questions if you need some help at advice unhelpful at gmail.com and any business inquiries inquiry inquiries yeah business inquiries and curries at our old email which is that tiger belly at gmail.com um and that is it we love you we'll see you guys [Music]

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 759,121

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, podcast, khalyla, tgrbly, all things comedy, mad tv, stand up, comedy, tpw, ymh, tkats, tfatk, off the record, the fighter and the kid, chris distefano, yannis pappas, history hyenas, bill burr, your mom's house, comedian, stand up comedy, chris distefano comedy, ykwd, riotcast, charlemange, dvdasa, beawcast, opie and anthony, opie and anthony highlights, just kidding news, magnum pi, geniusbrain, high and tight, atc podcast, o&a, flagrant 2

Id: e53gwfiv6S8

Length: 87min 23sec (5243 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 16 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Drunk_hooker]

I saw Chris a few months back. I got hammered and was an asshole and my fiancé got super pissed. Not my proudest moment. He was super funny and I regret it.

[u/FiLthy_FranK21]

Phenomenal episode, east coast dudes are champs

[u/lmac187]

I’ve heard their names before but holy shit are they hilarious. Can’t wait to check out their podcast, which by the way has one of the best podcast names out there.

[u/Tyroneus]

Buncha cuzzie wuzzies

[u/Dummy_Detector]

They did Fighter and The Kid podcast right after this and it was insane . so funny !

[u/mediciii]

The song he made on the iPad sounded really good hahaha. I wish he showed them off more as a segment or something.

[u/gloomndoom]

Holy shit. I laughed so much through this!

[u/surrendertok]

The dude talks so fast.

[u/kindasfw]

are they good whites?