Your Mom's House Podcast - Ep. 446 w/ Bobby Lee & Khalyla

this episode of your mom's house is brought to you by sattva luxury mattress the only online mattress company that provides free delivery setup and mattress removal [Music] here we are yeah we are face to face do you know the song a couple of silver spoons hmm there's a really exciting episode we got great guests coming I don't want to go you sound excited that's my level of excitement you guys that is so true that I think that is your general level of excitement you've never really gone off the rails like I said before that during the the ads like tell him you sold out the will turn you're like yeah that's cool it's how I'm having a baby yeah it's great Tom watch this video of a guy getting his legs crushed what then you're excited well that's good stuff ya know I've seen you get excited watching football like that's probably the most I've seen you yeah go go nuts yeah I mean I get excited about like free candy free candies exciting all right cheeseburger all right oh my goodness you know yeah is you keep it inside I mean I think what happens is I'm comfortable in a certain in a certain bandwidth event of excitement and I don't allow myself to get excited in fear of maybe what that will feel like or maybe being disappointed by that feeling I'm sure that's healthy right no no there's your joy as long as you know it gives you joy I know as long as something gives you joy for sure yeah [Laughter] Tom we're having another baby looks flat as a pancake and yeah qe good stuff about right that's interesting yeah well I know what makes me excited I know what helps murder what were you watching last night it was another Spanish show no it was just no no no okay I watched remember we played it a long time ago these poor girls in Belize who were like I watched that documentary oh cool it's about John McAfee the guy who started the McAfee Antivirus office crazy cuz he doesn't look like a programmer like does this guy work for vice like he looks like that photographer that takes pictures of ya guys you know I'm talking about like a cool photographers yeah I know he's got like six different hair colors in his hair and he's got crazy shoulder tats and yeah he's having to go [ __ ] in his mouth was that oh gosh why did I forget that that's what we just said in his mouth I just thought like just [ __ ] through a hammock and then just kind of [ __ ] on and around his mouth no in and around not know I just thought it went around the mouth I didn't really think he ate they said they said in his mouth and he eats the poopoo or he just and by the way that's the only thing he wanted with them that's a deep fetish yeah because they ask the girl like did they ever have traditional I like how that's offensive sex with this guy crazy she was talking about how it's her first time yeah they were doing something like that and then one lady was like I was really turned off by that but what an easy gig I mean if you're gonna be a prostitute I figure that's kind of one of the kosher gigs I think so yeah I think so Wow see if I can pull it up yeah that's a very specific fetish my goodness I mean talk about the level of self-awareness you'd have to have to really figure that one out for yourself yeah you mean you really have to be brave to be like you know what I think I want to I think I want people to [ __ ] in my mouth yeah I mean that for me would be so deeply repressed sexually in my mouth yeah like why don't you just repress that impulse like your whole life and never allow it to happen I would never let my self-indulgent that one it's real crazy let's see if I can get this ready for you yeah I don't think I could indulge it I don't think it's safe it's definitely not safe home they're beautiful and the right stuff the girls wanna hear hmm I think they will stay there for the money at first and most of them eventually had real true feelings for him no they're young - it was exciting for them living in this big house and having troops and stuff that they wouldn't normally would have if there didn't meet mr. John yeah Mr ever lives like that before no had you ever had sex for money prior to that or no the first time I was ashamed but then I got used to it good girl sit down this hummock they have my card is a hold you pretending hummock and after that he lays something out there huh mock man he know he won't be shy now you would sit there that's why he used it for because he he wanted to have like Scott sex and then I didn't agree with that what is Scott sex and then you depends on one note he used to make you [ __ ] in his mouth there she goes she loves it literally she's accepted it yeah she's never done that before and yeah most people haven't experienced oh man yeah yes you did [ __ ] in his mouth did he ever have regular intercourse vaginal nose Wow easy kid I hope that that was the only thing I did kiss girls are lucky I think I was grateful because I wanted to finish school I wanted to take a [ __ ] he was helping so I didn't care about what he did I had to go anyway so I figure why not going behind me a nice man but you know what I want to know from us cat person how do you stop how do you keep from vomiting they know how does that um that trigger not the right right like they must enjoy the smells and the the hotness of it and the you know it's so funny this reminds me of the piss on me beat me try it out guy yeah this is the same principle it's like do you want free rent free rent all you have to do is sit in this hammock is something beat me yeah it's kind of a great deal I mean if I were one of these girls and I ran this country I had no options and some white guys like do you want to [ __ ] in this hammock in my mouth like yeah absolutely by the way start if you want to watch the fool that's a good documentary it's called gringo the dangerous life of John McAfee it's on Netflix wait but if you were troubled you know like a girl who needed would I do this yeah of course of course I would with silly questions the only thing I think would be really hard for me is the first time when you you're trying to relax and doing it yeah and then like by the tenth time its second nature mm-hmm but that first dumps got to be the hardest oh yeah what if you have a real slopper coming out the first time even better I don't know do you think he needs a certain like a bristled number you're him to be into it like I think I think he probably wants like a four yes good time most people do like an easy yeah you know if you really grind one out and you look good and you grinding your teeth and he's like he's like wolf and he can see it slowly coming out and it's like a you know like a like an old play-doh yeah hard yeah but if you have a real blaster like it just well yeah diarrhea and this is what country oh this isn't Belize did you see that all the time that that tweet people sent it to me and this girl's tweet went viral where she is in the bathroom and she's just like trying to look sexy in the mirror and she's in the women's bathroom she's filming herself and as she like does this and is looking her hair a woman takes a ferocious it's so ferocious it's a woman's dump I love it yesterday at the airport I had the experience of I landed LAX and the woman in the stall next to me had a full speakerphone conversation in Spanish what she was taking she really crazy thing while she was taking a dump a full on speakerphone no less it's really crazy I'm I'm amazed at people's audacity of course can hide aren't you [ __ ] I mean to quote Sebastian aren't you embarrassed oh my life let me see if I can I want to pull this up for you because I laughed so hard and thought about you John I'm leaving the house and all I have to do is poop in the hammock for women it's a it's a big deal for guys they're like what's the big deal I see that like crazy yeah well most women don't let it go like that really no you kind of you clench and you let it out piece by piece so that it doesn't make sound your cut you're embarrassed women are embarrassed of their bodies yeah and their body functions not like dudes why are you guys so open that's I want to know what the difference is why is it testosterone maybe it was just less shame let's open the show properly only we haven't done that you know mr. John he's down me through boner sandwich if you've had any kind of erectile discounted outside let's forget that dick and plants and all that stuff I don't know if you believe me or not Beth you like to see me smoke Smith with a small limp dick they didn't get hardening it away watching a harder and harder the more I smoke harder my dick [Laughter] so did you hear that part I don't know III heard smoking meth yeah yeah he's like forget about viagra yeah that's what you heard yeah if you wanna really get hard he's like smoked meth I've never heard that you can watch me watch my little limp dick get super hard with the more meth I smoked believe me or not if you like to see me smoke Smith with a small limp dick they don't get hardening it away watch it you're harder and harder than Nora smoke no harder my dick Gibbs it's unbelievable you're gay you won't believe how good it feels if you're straight you won't believe how great it feels your dick head becomes so sensitive that you don't need Lube you don't need spit you just throw this up and down four times is this how better to do it and you'll shoot an enormous theory come on dick hot barf Jesus this guy reminds me of the time the 12 benadryl remember it's headed south belly dragger his base coat is math that's what you said when we put this on the drool ish Lent what part what's your favorite part right now that you're super in the only just sharing his beauty tips sharing the story it's a nice story right can we just pause like I feel like no I can't I can't I can't but I can't my god can we just say one thing now look that he meets the criterion of a fantastic your mom's house video first of all the lighting is [ __ ] he's got the ceiling in the background the wife you can barely see his face because he's lit so poorly yeah he hits all the boxes for a perfect video no this guy's going to be in our world for a minute okay I don't like hearing about his calm do you I don't like to come at all that part really freaks me out what you like that part math dick guy and I've ever did in my life and I know okay I love to get [ __ ] yeah pay you like I cannot wait when I'm so backed up and hot horny hong-man hi Lane advice I can give me a [ __ ] nice thing the best part is right here though okay okay just know I know how doesn't believe me my brother didn't when he smoked with me put a his dick I couldn't believe how big his dick was he jacked off in four strokes and shot than those come here every time is like a thong at 49 and he's fine he has no neuropathy problems at all but his dick gets even harder and thicker and even more coming please me now his brother what a nice testimonial that's in you well my brother did it and then his Digga her and he jacked off in four strokes that's this guy's testimonial for smoking mess I mean you want to see some come watch my brother Jack his dick god it's terrible what kind of endorsement is this well he's saying like would you want a credible well my brother smokes back with me his dick it's so hard he can barely not come good he pulled his big babe his brother jerked off in front of him oh yeah and he came in four strokes it's so disgusting it's true oh this guy's so [ __ ] [ __ ] up this might be the most I don't know it's a close tie between the piss on me beat me guy and then watching your brother Jack his dick in front of you here's the difference I think the piss on me beat me guy why he Trump's this guy he's because he just smoked right before he made them so you're seeing a guy in his manic super high state he's a deal man this guy is actually not high right now which sucks and that kind of I mean that could take this video from an 8 to a 10 oh yeah is if he'd done this video hi I agree I wish he would've been more Hobbes up now this is a big problem in the gay community is smoking math and doing gay sex yeah yeah because they don't use protection in San Francisco it was a big might be our guest right it is our guest oh okay let's take a quick break oh my god in SF this is a big problem let's take a quick break okay you know I want to talk about it though all right our guess isn't here yet but false alarm we can yeah we can still play with this guy thankfully thank God thank God so what's the Hat he's wearing is that a it looks like the the rim that used to be snug is all open now right this has to be one of the weirdest ones we've ever gotten I just want to revisit would have his brother believe me but when he smoked with me put a his dick I can't believe how big his dick was hey Jack dogs and four-stroke the most company every time 49 no neuropathy problems at all but his dick it's even harder I see whispering and even more come even believes me now charm I think he's in a public place do you hear the background noise I think he locked himself in like a bathroom stall in a restaurant and he's like I gotta share this with the world I'm serious he's like telling you a sweet secret what a weird thing like my brother shot come and I watched it I couldn't believe that big his dick was he jerked off in four strokes yeah cuz like you realize too that his brother didn't give in on this request the first time his brothers like you know you keep asking me to smoke meth and jerk off with you and today's your birthday I'm 49 I'm gonna do it it's probably year something just beating him down dude are you gonna [ __ ] smoke nothing alright god damn it now here okay you do anything illegal I don't want you to do anything illegal I don't want you doing anything you don't feel tempted we're doing alright I promise you if you can find anybody you know that won't get you into trouble smokes and meth the more you smoke up that Bo the harder your dick will get your dick you'll award so if you want to start it from a limp dick to a hard dick I will do it this weekend and now the videotape it from just a small dick very limp and watch it and get harder and harder that's the freezing factor right let me know god I love me a bit if you say yes I'll show it to you yeah it's okay now blue band where is the where does the follow up video he's gonna send me this tees and not follow through dude so now it makes sense why this was a thing in the gay community when I lived in SF because they would have billboards like hey guys don't smoke my thumb but [ __ ] because what happens is you get all hopped up and then you don't have a condom you don't use condoms and it was like it was bad for them I think it's not just something bad for the gay community I think this is for the all deaf community anyone with a dick no matter where you want to put it could be it could make I mean if I smoke meth and I'm like this guy I feel like I could have problems too you know it's a lot it's a lot I wonder why I see this is a question for the doctor or like why does the math make your dick so hard that's what I love this [ __ ] yeah makes it so hard why the benadryl that guy loved it too much are you gonna try this now no I see that look in your eye like I could go there no I couldn't yeah you kind of want to to the mess no you wouldn't try it no just to see what would happen I mean it is appealing when you when you hear somebody say you know your decayed become so sensitive you know that's nice but you don't need Lube or not spit or nothing it's hot white come oh my god okay that's so [ __ ] up dude guys I've never seen the video of a woman doing something like that being like oh well we played one or two but they were real crazy look wait a minute I think all of them are crazy look yeah they're pretty bad whatever you won't believe how good it feels if you're straight you won't believe how great it feels your decayed becomes so sensitive that you don't need Lube we don't need spit you just disgusting I get it do it and you shoot an enormous amount dick he's so nasty is the nastiest [ __ ] yeah like why do guys they all have to go into explicit detail just like the Benadryl guy here's what I want to know though I don't want to know what I would like to ask dr. drew or any doctor listening is does this in fact cure erectile dysfunction well yeah what are we doing because we're talking about all these you know the silly parts of this yeah what about somebody who's like I'm really struggling tried viagra and tried cialis I've tried injections yeah it's not working my dick slip I wanted to get hard does meth actually help you out and then that would be one of the medicinal values to meth yeah we can bring it back bring it back man try it out is it possible I didn't know there was any part to math but I'm glad there's one at least that we know of I mean besides losing all your teeth which could be kind of good sexually to scabs scabs and they do like to pick on skin picking yeah yeah I've been around people that that have been picking at their skin it makes me wonder sometimes yeah math kind of went out a style I thought really well it was big in the 90s and you know I decided I know people still were into that [ __ ] we didn't member we played that one really aggressive woman one time yes like box that [ __ ] and she was like super aggro about she was a lesbian yes yes she was really good I want the girls to eat my pudding yeah [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah yeah I do remember that that was the anomaly that's not wrong with me but yeah yeah oh here she is here I think this is her [ __ ] my stoma so it's just so amazing that people's priorities in their lives like got guys I gotta tell you this I smoked [Laughter] well then there was kiss my [ __ ] in the Wells Fargo yeah now is it different totally different that was where she said I actually had a million dollars Bank of America you Chinese [ __ ] great that's really great kissing pussy's yeah Wells Fargo mmm its kissing [ __ ] since 1782 there's so many bushes around your presidential campaign on both sides that I prefer not to comment about yeah that's good yeah my tribe but yeah there's a mmm like this guy really went for it though mmm Wow the brother thing I don't think that's the first time they've jerked off in front of each other I'm gonna go with yeah you think so yeah it's kind of a that doesn't sound like a first time thing those two were you know you wanna um by the way talk about the fact that oh because the cause is locked up now not like that he's gonna be sent but he's got convicted that's fantastic news I wish they would get the other creeps I feel like wines Weinstein and Matt Lauer and Seacrest and who else Dustin Hoffman do you membrillo Spacey none of these guys get locked up was last time when he was walking out of court this crazy [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] real for those of you who are just listening to the show yeah so Tommy's playing a clip of Cosby walking this is out of court cities yeah so all day yeah and this is this one's from a while ago I mean the same trial but I think the the first time they had a trial that that resulted in a hung jury and he's walking out it's a very serious matter it's very serious oh my I mean you're coming out of court yeah and it's a sight you should look somber and worried okay that's kind of crazy but later so crazy is that he was convicted at least faked his killer you know he's facing 10 to 30 years in prison this is leaving the court house headed to his vehicle and I don't know just keep an eye on the cause Philadelphia home 14 years ago he's doing his stupid [ __ ] dance stick on the way you just got convicted in prison he said he's like I'm doing what the cosby thing yeah yeah I talked about three counts of aggravated indecent assault stemming from allegations that he drugged and molested andrea constand his suburban Philadelphia home 14 years ago unblameable talk about a true sociopath yeah he's crazy he is so removed emotionally from what's happening like he doesn't take this seriously at all I'm surprised he's not afraid of a judge saying that the judge yeah and being like okay that's really and it's a good point wouldn't you be worried like gosh maybe the judge will see me well because sentencing is still to come yeah and if a judge sees that they're gonna make I was this funny when you left yeah you have Hilaire he was making the crowd laugh yeah I yeah he's still playing with the audience he's sick and also I dug up we played this years ago my god yes PN had him on oh my god this is the best one and he was just supposed to kind of tease the clip like tease the fact that there was a match up that night between two teams one was his I think Oh mother this one's super weird it's this one so bizarre this is years ago in back football on a de temple most of the Bobcats of Ohio the call today from Bill Cosby football night on the five or six but and you know that the ESPN I'd be like thanks Bill for that uh completely insane renditions whatever [ __ ] you think that was because I don't know I don't know the actual team names I'm assuming chitlin legs that was a joke yeah yeah that was but also the bomb that was supposed to be I think horns yeah so the idea is that it's if you're alive high school or college right right have like the marching band so he's like the temple [ __ ] nonce I think I want to try to do that and make it my own if I get if I get allowed to do that on TV I'm going to do the same thing he did yeah his eyes are all [ __ ] up there too he just starts to get blind right around there yeah one eye this way one eye that when I goes this way when I goes that way this guy's like what do you want from me I mean he's checked smoke man nobody's just checked out as it's Bill Cosby I mean he's a total total jerk-off with that guy oh yeah absolutely drug him you like some sedated oh your dick who kiss so hard you have pudding pops coming out of the top it I don't like his Cadence's he's creepy she reminds me in the vegan vagina I didn't like him for the same reason mm-hmm can you believe it he's he's is checked out as OJ was remember when toj' got arrested he's like yeah well my mission from now on I'm gonna find the killer I'm gonna find the person who killed Nicole I think we did [ __ ] tell me what might have happened on the night of June 12th first of all this is very difficult for me to do this yeah very difficult for me because it's hypothetical I know and I accept the fact that people are gonna feel whatever were they gonna whatever I mean in a book the hypothetical is Charlie Charlie laughing this guy shows up the guy where we should become friends what and I don't know why you had been buying the Cole's house but it told me you wouldn't believe what's going on over and you put on a wool cap and gloves gloves and you reached under the seat for a knife I mean matically speaking yeah do you realize how much how difficult though it must be for him every day now that he's he's out of prison to know that his ex-wife's killers out there like that's torturing he's just trying to be like man I gotta get this guy and we've seen him devote his his finances his time yeah yeah yeah he imagined the sociopathy on this [ __ ] too it's checked out as he is oh yeah he's super Chuck he's the laughter and the the goofing off stuff that's the sign of a real psycho let's see those laughter prettier more hypothetical I would love to hear the hypothetical a knife or not car for the crazies and stuff cuz can't travel would have gone and I remember Charlie saying you ain't bringing that and I didn't write but I believe he took it Charlie took the knife jump in the book yeah yes so the back gate you go through the back gate realize it and it was open or broke his whole time he's little McCall he has to be gay like hypothetical I mean some people saw this as as a confession yeah that's what it is of course it is but I mean I don't know anyway yeah I go to the front and I'm looking to see what's going on and I can see that it appears like Nicole bad father I had candles on all the time she really did to keep her overhead out nothing and music was on and while I was there the guy shows up so Ron Goldman comes in the back yeah I mean he said she had candles to keep her overhead down not because she was [ __ ] that dude or cuz she liked candles yeah like people who have candles are all like man he's electric bills well good is that time you study sociopaths you loved these TV shows look what what is happening with with he and the cause where it's it's obvious they've done things they've been accused of and yet they're so like I don't know I just like what is that yeah I mean that they just they're shameless you know they're like they're they're ultra narcissists and they're shameless so they do the thing that they want to do at all times yeah and they don't process any feeling of empathy or guilt because they you know they they need to be number one they need to be the best they need to be adored and and they need to satisfy their own needs in his in his case it was more I think you know the jealousy and the rage that he had he had to satisfy that nobody else could have Nicole but him so he went there and [ __ ] them up and um and with Bill I think he excused his perverse really gross choice for like a sexual satisfaction because he drugged people yeah so they were comatose like they they weren't dead bodies they justified what he did he probably justified what he did more than one way meaning that you know if the woman showed up and his mind he's like first of all she knows what about she she wants a part of this just because she's here so that's part of his mentality of justifying what he does then when she has a drink is like I mean his mind is probably like they're taking lion yeah she's compliant because she's drinking the drink it's the same way that pedophiles convinced themselves maybe that like oh this child wants this because they're coming over here and there that he wanted it they're flirting with me they read the situation completely differently they'll probably thought there was you know I'm and he might even really believe it there's an unspoken agreement between him and everybody that he assaulted oh yeah I mean it's totally different obviously things that they did but they're definitely you know they definitely are not people that that feel badly about no it's true because narcissists can't take any responsibility even on the lesser scale like not the sociopathic types of narcissus maybe the ones that raised me they don't ever want to take responsibility for [ __ ] yeah so you can be like hey remember that time you did XY and Z and they're like I don't know you're talking about like they'll totally you know amnesia yeah and they'll find something in their mind great that they did and that's what they want to focus on right oh man isn't it fascinating at all this stuff fascinates me oh yeah it is fascinating I mean the cause to it was it's even it's different I didn't murder somebody but it's so calculated that he had developed over time the perfect cover to do juxtapose with what he was doing to do what he wanted to do in other words being America's dad being the oh it's even sicker that he's important yeah the suit-and-tie don't curse was always my tree people about cursing you're lecturing people about their language and you're drugging and assaulting people it's like yeah he's that he's the dad America's dad that was the sickest part well that's because IBM amis pushing away all the dark [ __ ] in his world right and becoming the moral compass for all of us he can't handle his own darkness oh yeah okay our guests guess it's really here this time okay let's take a quick break so we're back we were smoking meth we were dicks were so hard we came real hard and never done that before mommy well smoke meth yeah in high school you know I was you know I went to three drug rehabs in high school you did did you yeah I used to smoke math too as well wait you went to rehab because of meth marijuana meth LSD you know the suburban drugs that we got it yeah well three times we're three times I went to yeah yeah yeah where were you raised I was raised in a little um in Korea at San Diego South Korea so this is San Diego when you are raised in San Diego and yeah hurryin do you feel like oh like the world has a lot of Korean people no no no no because I'm older than I look Yeah right like okay so I grew up in Minnesota when I was a kid you did yeah and there was only one Asian his name was Tom Roche and and the reason why is the name was Tom Roche it was the goddag he was it adopted yeah come on and he was in full Korean because he was adopted what are you looking at a goal I'm looking at the screen I'm getting a pranked or something okay sorry so Tom Roach what was Korean he looked like us but he behaved white that's when I knew me about his white behavior oh my god he played baseball oh right and then like why people you go to his house it smelled like three things coffee baseball Nimitz and @pi some sort of pie rhubarb probably okay yeah it was he adopted he was adopted I don't see adopted I say abandoned done a proper introduction because we've been rolling we've been rolling for a while okay I'm sorry no no that's how we we like to do a little bit pregame and then here you have the great podcast tiger Belle Lincoln with you your name is Bobby Lee and you're lovely kalila kalila you want you have a last name Oh clown is fine thank you and you also have your team at my team yeah you tiger belly but they're not here I know but the main but I wanted to shout out we're like Paul and John you don't want Ringo and George Wow alright so that we got the two songwriters I feel like you need George George was essential see Ringo could have [ __ ] off and well George wrote like five or six solid songs from the Beatles but you know we were the main your yesterday let it be come on Mary the classic yeah Paul and John yeah you guys are like that happen of course thank you so much for saying so Tom I enjoyed coming on Tiger belly I had a good time you know what I enjoy you I'll tell you why can I tell you why I enjoy you yes I didn't know who you were for a while you know yeah talking about I know before though you know he was coming up like a years ago oh yeah you know I know who he is now yeah yeah yeah famous Tom Segura but for years I was like who the [ __ ] is this guy that's where Cosby's in trouble again what happened no we sorry this is him leaving court yeah leaving court where you've been convicted of sexual assault yeah okay just keep your eyes on him okay so he knows all that's coming up is sentencing yeah that he's gonna do a minimum in prison yeah for assault just keep your eye on molested andrea constand in his suburban Philadelphia home 14 years ago [Laughter] yeah its Cosby dance yeah I have a story about him you do yeah tell us and then I want to know about smoking meth we gotta go welcome back to that but um one of my first jobs I ever had an acting job this is back in like the late 90s yeah I had a makeup artist and she goes my first job was at The Cosby Show I was an intern as a makeup artist oh I'm a big fan I love Bill Cosby himself and ghost dad yeah great this is why you guys are great yeah and then she goes you know he did to me he took his hand he clawed my breast to the point where it was almost bleeding cool right and he goes nah that's what she says she said that happened seriously yeah and this has she told you this story years ago this is back in the 90s wow that's not a made-up story yeah no I don't maybe but it's like the [ __ ] would somebody make up that's alright but I I knew about his vibe yeah then yeah you hear things alright on the streets so it's like you know whenever I got like if I got an audition for ghost dad too you know me or what I wouldn't even show up I know would you have not worked with him after that at that point no no really no I I can't do crazy yeah no neither can I I got offered a show with Christie I don't say her name just say that it was Christie mm-hmm Ali and I got offered a part in like a regular on her shell for us I can't do it really yeah because I know that she's crazy and I can't be around but wouldn't you want to bear witness to that crazy in real life not every day another good question it's a very good question baby the very good question don't worry yeah but I don't want to bear witness to nothing like I want to be a witness to like tragedy my mind a hundred percent goes where yours went no because have you ever worked for crazy I work for crazy I know and it's a roller coaster you don't want to be on because you don't know what to expect every day person impressed just by your confidence and boldness and integrity to make that choice I also feel like being in this business if somebody was like hey do you want a job on a show where you're working with a lunatic my instinct would be like yes job yeah and I don't have the you know the the benefit of saying like yeah but I think you do and I'm gonna correct you on that okay I think you do I'm going to correct you on that your Tom Segura right I saw you on a late night show the other day yeah what was it Colbert Colbert yeah one of the biggest ones yeah and when I see you on there I go look at he's handsome he's one of the funniest guys in the nation this guy's gonna work forever so you can make those choices all right if you were like some sort of like open my car and you were just coming into the business yeah that's one thing but you are a franchisee right and you're a little racist when that Bruce Lee sweatshirt but that's fine no I just really know this look roots of fight who I'm a big fan of sent a whole bunch you saw those boxes this is an unconscious thing on Thomas no mr. Bruce Lee we had all the other Muhammad Ali you had a usually I should go change Alan I ever sinned and you picked out the Bruce I think a lot of you conscious decision maybe because you know the leaves come here's Billy Billy yeah is this should I change it no no you're fine with it I like it I think I think you are trying to make me feel comfortable I think that's like you're going out of your way to make me feel good that's what this is a perfect segue first of all I'm not gonna forget that meth gets your dick hard okay if you've had any kind of talk about Natal disorder problems I'm here to tell you forget that bag or forget about South let's forget that dick and plants and all that stuff yeah I don't know if you believe me or not yeah that you like this see me smoke Smith with a small limp dick they don't get hardening it away watch it you're harder and harder the more I smoke harder my big Gibbs is that was that your experience yes Wow 11 it doesn't matter let's talk about the first time we talked about the firt highs one how does one procure mad smoke it the first time how'd it happen okay here we go okay yeah I want to go down memory lion yes I'll go down memory lane okay to you yeah number one when I was in my late well hi childhood it may eight nine years old when eight nine years old oh wait that's lame yeah I was on Glee an adult I was molested okay what 89 I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome I do it in my act no he's serious okay and then my dad's a guy I'm sorry I don't mean his 20s I'm over a [ __ ] man it didn't bother me at the time yeah I don't think I don't really find your story to be like a real molestation I feel like it was like a barter a trade system because you kept going back to the same guy yeah yeah you're right well that's how they caught you I mean I understand like you got something like I got something return leg Andy Andy but see my dad my parents wouldn't give me the other dips yeah they dip stick ones yeah they wouldn't get me at Warner's right they don't foreigners don't do it now yeah [ __ ] that and so I thought to myself he has the dip candy right and I said to myself if I just you know all how to do is like touches junk yeah you're right I didn't have to kiss it or anything like that just touch it yeah and I get the good candy yeah so I went by like every day during the summers and how did it get disrupted my god we moved that's it yeah you had been still going that was really sad that's a good buy the dip candy I did [ __ ] yes so and then my dad was an alcoholic he was very violent really rageaholic as well a man is he dead maybe barely alive and then so with those two events as a young man or kid it drove me into doing early drug use yeah that's we moved at San Diego and you know that I was maybe 11 and I walked outside my house I lived in this place called Green Valley the suburbs and this kid was riding a skateboard and he just parked it in front of my house it just happens to be he was there he flipped his skateboard over and he rolled a joint mhm and I walked outside my house and I go can i huh and go yeah I did and I smoked pot and then I met a guy named Julio Romero are you pointing at me Julio Romero okay thanks yeah it wasn't you you're proved you're him yeah that's right yeah yeah Julio remember goes a dude I know what's up bro he goes dude I gotta go to lose his house Lucy I told you about this lady Lucy she lived in a Rancho Bernardo it's it's fine yeah yeah it's fancy it's pretty fancy and you walk in no couches in the middle of the living room cool was a baby crawling amongst a meth lab how are you again at this point eleven twelve Jesus Christ man and then that's when I did meth for the first time and what so that you smoked it yeah and does it hurt when you inhale it no didn't hurt at all no doesn't hurt because the high is so good that immediate oh yeah and you don't sleep for days Dave yeah you don't eat you don't sleep for days and you know but the guy was right you do get erect yeah you get horny but you're the things that you the only way you can can I say come you can say that yeah I can yeah it Jack you lations huh is you have to think of like really [ __ ] up things even at that age really so yeah just straight up sex you're thinking so it starts off with like okay a regular woman whatever in your hand right and then she's missing a breast right right she has no arms and then like six hours later you're just masturbating to a foot yeah yeah yeah yeah so it gets crazier and crazier and then did you do it or did twisted broken foot with blood cushion yeah yeah yeah yes and that yeah so that was a one-off and then oh I did it I did it constantly i stoled like 15 grand from my parents save don't mention that here so you don't mention that you're a second Dix - don't mention that don't want do that here baby I don't know but I wasn't even gonna bring that [ __ ] Bible I was saying some tell me if this is true or not yeah okay you won't believe how good it feels that you're straight you won't believe how great it feels your [ __ ] becomes so sensitive that you don't need Lube you don't need spit you just stroke that [ __ ] just up and down four times is this how better to do it Nene oh shoot an enormous amount a very thick thick hot white gun okay that's disgusting was that sent to you I have never heard of like meth making your [ __ ] thick you're glad hummus thick from not ejaculating a lot right he might go you know what I'm gonna do month in May ya know it's January right so I'm not gonna masturbate until May yeah and then two days on that and there's all explosions in the sky but it does now did you ever um did you partake in crazy sexual activity because of meth see that's the problem with your mouth sometimes well the problem with your mouth sometimes is blame it on the meth instead you're admitting to actually wanting to suck dick that's okay but I don't even know right now who listens to this podcast is the demographic of your people might don't get dope don't judge me I'm not and I'm just asking you know are they children No okay well then yeah I did yeah our audience is actually very empathetic very sweet very nice people well you know here's here's the thing here's the thing can I just say this and I just want to justify my behave yeah you're gonna mess yeah you I mean I'm not on meth every day but once a month an event all right okay yeah I should get drunk a lot but my point is you're not as uh you're not of sound mind so you don't have your responsible and you're a child you don't have the don't feel responsibility well thank you yeah that's what it is then why would you but also when you're traumatized I swear to God when you're when you start doing drugs and you're traumatized your development stops at that age level stunted so you actually are going into the world as an eight or nine or whatever 11 year old for like a decade did I listen to [ __ ] dr. drew no you hang out with Bobby for ten minutes you're like yeah emotionally yeah but can I just say something to your fans or what not sure is is that I'm 16 years sober now congratulations and I was when I was 17 I got sober for 12 years so big chunks of my life I've been in sobriety that's great and I've done God's work Yeah right no gay yeah am I just not doing gay thing Graham what no shrimp no shrimp yeah no yeah I've been I've been I try to give as much as I can you're a giving guy yeah and I want to be spiritual you know so people can listen to me right now and gamma heathen that's fine no but you know what one can repent and one can change his behavior it's not your fault your parents weren't on the listen let me tell you think my kid doesn't take a dump for a day and I'm all over him if your parent doesn't know that you're smoking math and you're out in the streets and you're doing stuff that's on them and they should have had an eye on you yeah it's not your responsibility oh my god were you naturally good at it because I feel like oh my god I feel like I feel like yeah as a guy you're like I know what I like so you have like certain skills right well silly I just want to say this to you and I'm not gonna go into detail about it okay but when you're young you don't know what you like yeah so I think it was pretty much amateur hour okay you know I mean I would probably like I wouldn't go down to the sack or the taint yeah right and go you like that right I think it was more like you know licking the tip and going yeah like if I if I was never a gay man yeah and I was in you were gay and you and I were having sexual out sexualities with each other uh-huh you and I would probably be like um we probably know what we liked you know of course and we would do extra things you know yeah to please ourselves sure I would like to please you Thanks yeah you like that yeah he was a kid babe you know the kids don't know how to give [ __ ] in case you're wondering this out this guy with his brother something cool happens when you smoke with me put a his dick I can't believe how big his dick was eject off and for throat and shot from those coming every time problems at all yeah it's even harder they and even more coming it's a pretty good ad for method thing right yeah yeah but it's it's a dangerous job because you can go fast yeah you start losing teeth really quickly yeah no because I didn't do it I mean when you're in middle school like 40th no I can't do it no if I showed you the inside of my mouth it's crazy maybe I don't know what the [ __ ] you're doing right now but you're calling me out and you're like exposing things I don't want people to know I can't you say this ok yeah I can I just say this now I'm defensive yes yes right that I have a bunch of teeth missing and I can't chew steak but I don't think that's from the math and then that's because I don't floss oh you know when did those teeth get removed it's been years of deterioration do you go to a dentist at all ever I did to get him removed yes what if they're in pain well you know Steve Simone yeah his brother did it yeah we have you thought about replacing the teeth that are missing they wanted to do metal rods into my arm bone of your jaw you know how they did implants yeah and they screw it in but I just wrote life is better with molars yeah you should choose stay I'll tell you why no because I'm fine okay because you can chew with gums I don't if you know that no mistake yeah but you can too Brussels sprouts yeah you guys you do everything up front everything's yeah you go to Korean barbecue and you get your kalbi and you're chewing in the front in the front yeah and I have a couple of like rogue teeth in the back that you that you know like I'll have gums on top bone yeah yeah well yeah I have that but you know what I'm on a sitcom right now they can't they can't tell can I see our teeth I smile like this me see open your mouth okay I'll show you but can I not doing camera yeah you're gonna look down here okay oh my god I don't end up here no wow you definitely can't tell no you can't tell but I'm surprised it just you just why don't you just know being around being real I don't know what's wrong with you right now but like it just whisper into my ear and then tell me you're gonna be saying stuff and I'll go no don't do that it's like now you know me you know I mean there's so much going on right now that I can I'm being offensive by the way okay Asians listen I love them he thinks my people are garbage what are you people Filipino no interest I don't late third world country colonial people we know in colonial eyes we never really got our true independence we're sovereign but not really so he thinks Koreans generally think Filipinos are [ __ ] yeah no yes you do no we don't and even the Koreans in my island all think we're [ __ ] sweetie I'm dating you why would I think I'm dating you I don't think that you're a mud person there you go if I'm dating you if I'm eating in a me doing it sexualities with you you know why because he has a colonial mentality you're like the spanish conqueror that likes to [ __ ] the poor peasant Filipino girl I could see that yeah you could see that you could see that I'm saying that that's that's a viable idea that she threw out I'm not saying it's true I'm saying it's it's plausible okay I say this song yeah yeah you know okay you two together right right you know that you know you know deep down inside right cuz you're out here in the country yeah all right you're on which a cut like a lane road whatever that thing is yeah I've never heard of that road by the way yeah right and you know that this is real love because you guys you know have your character defects and you're able to like you know forgive and you just love each other right this is the same thing how could it be a colonization kind of a situation because you tell me every day my people are garbage what's wrong what do you think is wrong with you as a joke I know that what's wrong with them I don't know cuz I've never heard anything negative about Filipinos like what are the stereotypes well they're intense within Asian cultures right like well they can I just say this I want your props probably the most talented out of the Asians really - and what woxing yeah oh that's really singing yeah right dancing yes billiards billiards yeah all kinds of stuff okay you know and what are the negative stereotypes about Filipinos we really don't know yeah I think that we have any true innovation in terms of like creating electronics because that's what's that's what Koreans do apparently ungood yogurt but what if that's just a Koreans thing and not you know what I'm saying like I have a stroke can I hear my theory yeah yeah okay I think that groups of people that they have climate like that their seasons change what would they go from summer to winter Yeah right that they have to create more technology to survive okay so they're constantly in a a mode of creating things out of survival right and when you're in a jungle place right which is beautiful yeah right why Aloha yeah to you my problem holla to you right yeah it's just that they don't really have to do that so they don't create that's why you don't you go your logic is skewed okay what about like the inner wits and [ __ ] I mean they don't have technology they live in like igloos and they either nobody saying me is she saying they don't have they don't have a Samsung right and I'm [ __ ] but yeah cold weather is conducive to people creating - he's saying that the people that don't have a necessity oh you're saying Eskimos correct they don't have [ __ ] I understand that right but there's six of them we need more there was hundreds and thousands of them I think they would compete there no one would live on the tundra like that that's a little ridiculous that's a little extreme so do you feel like when you're done with him you'll move on to like a Japanese guy or just like I told you that I would probably get with like East Coast Indian that's right yeah Indian from India no no he's Coast New York Indian like New York Indian okay Native American know like from India India okay sorry Jersey guy or something oh that's interesting max I don't know if I've ever met that max that's interesting yeah they're good yeah what's what do you like there is a different swag about this but not the LA Indian will you tell me again cuz I want Christina day here what was it again you said your game was you're like when I when I started dating when you guys went out a few dates you said my game was what was it like I pretend like he didn't know if where things are something remember the whole tender thing where you're like is this working oh yeah that's funny yeah you pretend that you don't know cuz I did it every day yeah yeah but I pretended I always pretend like you're the first one yeah I don't know how it works that's kind of a machine or I would I would say hi twice and then the third thing was they did you see hi twice right to make it like yummy like funny yeah that was my style I like it yeah I like that that's endearing let me go to my agent question now for generations so did you follow the controversy over the prom dress yes I know what I know about it yeah all right so I could show our audience yeah so here's the the dress this girl what's your take on it is it well I I'm gonna I'm gonna throw this out there explain the drama so yes sorry the drama is that a girl went to prom and she bought a white girl a white girl yes a white girl buddy I guess you call it traditional Chinese dress she saw it was like I want to wear this to prom she posted her pictures like going to prom and anyways somebody else a Chinese guy to be specific did a tweet where he quoted it and was said my culture is not your goddamn Nam dress and that thing exploded then she's kind of in this this firestorm about whether you know it's cultural appropriation and all this stuff so anyways the all the white so we have to ask Asians let's ask an Asian oh I have two things to say about that okay number one the only thing that makes me mad about it is she would never [ __ ] an Asian guy oh but you wear our clothes interesting if she was knee-deep in a Asian dick yeah wear whatever you want oh really yeah the guy with her was Asian you'd be like oh I would be like yeah that's the key skill I just thought about it I just thought about this okay in Asia this is how we used to dress correct okay okay but this closing right here all the clothing I'm wearing right now right is more Western development that's right so essentially I'm wearing western clothing right which is why people clothing right right so why is this okay right ru culturally appropriating the white guys I know it bothers me I'll start with dressing like that but that's my thing and also on top of it it's like the only thing that I had a problem with like girls that were like look I got a tattoo of like a Chinese symbol on their body right yes and then they would never like fall cos oh they'll have you know me I get are riding on them permanently that's very would that would drive me crazy I get that right you're actually open to you that Asians perpetuate this you know they perpetuated they get angry when something like this is worn but they sell it to the masses right so if you were to go to Asia let's say for instance the my my Indian friend actually told me this she goes you know when they wear the jewel in the middle of the forehead she's like we sell them everywhere and then we you're suppose you get angry when people wear it yeah they're everywhere right so it's like aren't sure and we're supposed to I guess I mean to further that point it's like if you are if you the person are selling the thing and I buy it to wear it you're also you are profiting from it so you you have a win in other words I gave you money together she gave money for the dress so it's not a nice exchange but if she was if I found out that she was a Klux Klan member oh nice that'd be hot right then I yeah we've kind of hurt but that would ever probably be with that would you do you get off on the like what head did you ever sleep with somebody did you ever ask somebody to to like call you racial slurs as you had sex or anything like that or no yeah yeah yeah call me [ __ ] or whatever is that the only way Koreans are there other know you put some adjectives before it okay call me Panthers Google I put out there by the way that I hope everyone that's giving this girl [ __ ] gives Steven Seagal some [ __ ] too I met him once yeah and he said to me 12 times in a row and he didn't see any other words namaste oh my gosh this is Steven Seagal he goes namaste but there was other white people with me other comedians that want not is this at MADtv no it was at some sort of like Billboard Awards or something like that right I hosted it one year yeah then went back when I was on that TV yeah and he met all the other ones is hello how are you but he would look at me and go namaste yeah even your culture and also I don't know what the [ __ ] that means he's I used to make fun of him for this in my act yeah about cuz I used to watch that show a lawman which was the reality show followed him around oh yeah yeah it's like Jefferson Parish and he was so blatant about his how he would switch up for different races so when you know he'd pull over black he like what's up with John at night he would really really ham it up yeah hack it up for them Asian people I swear he was like bowing he would bring up martial arts and they're always like I called you about a [ __ ] there's a fire next door like I don't want conversation with you yeah it would happen and then you know with Latin be like Hispanic people he would start speaking like you know what and you I know those kind of whites yeah and those kind of whites their heart they mean they mean well that's a good point and you know that it's like I was right and there was this like southern Asian guy next to not a white guy mean southern white guy next to me and you could tell that he was a kind of wanting to talk to me but he didn't know how what angle because you can tell that he doesn't he's not around a lot of Asia yeah so he just said my daughter loves Hello Kitty he said that to me and you if I did I wouldn't be in the middle seat Southwest Airlines yeah yeah it's true because my father is that white guy yeah a hundred percent and you forgive it yeah I mean like I'm a rent like I get to observe him so I as and I'm also his kid so I get oh my god embarrassed and all you know I mean but I know his hearts in a good place if he were here right now meeting you you know he would only be able to bite his tongue for a few minutes right before he'd be like yeah japanese-occupied just try to get you to go off well that right there would be a you know a fresh of breath of fresh a breath of fresh air you would definitely bring up the current news yeah I like that that the Korean occupation of the Japanese occupation area because that's never brought up people don't even know about that so I would be I would be engaged oh then he'd be like Japs are nuts yeah yeah I've seen him do it it's but you you know as an ethnic person yeah and I want to tell people this you learn how to survive in the world sure and you know I'm not as sensitive about things as like other Asian people in show business you're also a comic yeah that's another thing you've been around [ __ ] yeah club owners I'm sure saying super crazy things yeah yeah but you know what um where's the can yeah you've heard of all kinds I mean [ __ ] in the parking lot of the store you've heard the wildest [ __ ] anyone will ever say yeah but you know what I give it out to of course you do you know it's like you know um like if a black eye kissed me on the cheek I go did I just get sickle-cell anemia it was just sounds like what happened yeah and then you would like um I'm also very touchy-feely with comics I would grab people's junk yeah but you can't do any more so I don't do it anymore but back in the day you would just [ __ ] around with comics and I'm pretty strong when it comes to stuff like that you know who are your parents the most racist about growing up what did they based known they based it on they owned a clothing store called fashion gal and it was basically like you know lame Brian for ethnic people so Samoans okay but every once in a while Indians would walk in and they wouldn't buy anything said I heard that a lot they don't buy nothing Bobby they come in they look around they look around you know I mean yeah and you hear it you're like all right yeah but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're you know cockroaches or he did do a list of like you know one time you get made a list of like who did the hierarchy of who's not who's at the top Koreans yeah well naturally and then whose second place the second were oddly enough Japanese yeah really Korean to give them because they give it in terms of like economic strength okay and their their position in the world and all that stuff yeah he was Chinese okay okay number four was um cuz snakes number five was Mexicans there were like animals in between it you know and then my black friends go what were we on the list I got it only list was up to a hundred you know but yeah but you know they're pretty racist but you know what my dad's on the verge of death yeah yeah but that's also generational like I feel like you know we can't we can't [ __ ] on them it's like that's the time they came up and yeah it's like what are you gonna do change a seven-year-old guy's life around his brain around you to this I know you're about to give birth I know you have a couple months I know what I'm saying like I know you're in this thing I know you're semi happy in a relationship let's say you're single all right take yourself to a single place oh yeah oh yeah it feels good right and this guy sends you a video would you [ __ ] would you go out was this would this play for you basically you know get your song section we call this outdoor [ __ ] [ __ ] Nate I'm out I'm tapped out oh yeah public school a lot like when I was in public school like dudes would just do this [ __ ] to you all the time right yeah it's [ __ ] I mean no one monitored it back in the day [ __ ] the ground I gotta say I'm just so nasty at the reaction I thought was gonna be real I thought you growth we're gonna be like what's his number let me get it yeah that never worked for him you don't think so no you don't know that move has never worked you don't know but then why isn't you doing it I don't know what because I don't know why he does it all just more oh my god here's a nice living room though it's a nice house yeah yeah oh my god like that eye contact yeah they're relentless sure yeah yeah that's exactly what guys did in high school yes there is a kid that would just run out of the bathroom at my school and he would rub his crotch and go oh I got a boner like just stuff like that like that probably probably no no I actually I'll be honest with you I was very um I very I was pretty Christian about my stuff really yeah because you have to understand in high school I was you know because I went through rehabs and stuff like that and I said to low self-esteem yeah that I would never behave that way I was more I would do all my sexual deviancy and stuff in private mmm but I was when I was out in public I was so shy and scared of the approval disapproval of just people in general yeah I just wouldn't you know I wasn't outlandish in that way right I think a game-time you're pretty um your pre square square yeah yeah it's only when I was 23 and I started doing stand-up is when the first time I go oh this girl wants to hook up with me really but it took that long I mean I you know aside from the couple of penises I sucked as a kid yeah yeah and then aside from you know I when I was in my last rehab in high school which is the McDonald's Center in La Jolla I met a Japanese man by the name of Donald Yasuo Chi and Donald yeah so ah he owned all this farm land in Oceanside California yeah and I work on his farm when I got sober my senior year in high school and then one day he goes hey you want to uh you want to [ __ ] I could not you know like you know I let's go to Mexico so he would rent out this hotel and laFonda I like Lafon Yeah right at the beach and he would have he would have clients from like Ralph's and Vaughn's that bought vegetables from him and I was invited and so I would sit there with these like CEOs and like these people that owned like with money and he would cattle in like just 20 women and I was able to choose and I was such a hard worker yeah they didn't have to pay for it yeah I knew that was sober too because I was diligent about my sobriety yeah there was like little gifts that he would get you shoutout to Daniel Donald he hooked it up he did hook it up so did you go to town I mean you were a young sober like a horny kid I mean were you just like like a rabbit oh yeah yeah yeah like that yeah and then um you're pretty straightforward lover is what you're saying right yeah yeah I'm pretty straightforward jump Christian about all of his deviance out of him well the reason why I fell in love with her is because she was violent what I was really well he was just really Christian about his [ __ ] and he he put out a completely different vibe in the beginning where I was like oh yeah but come game time he you know he asked permission can I kiss you all that [ __ ] yeah but you know what she did was she she goes she smacked me in the face as hard as you can and really and then she goes yeah then she goes put your arms around my neck just get me out and then she goes tell me what you want to kill me and this is like two weeks in right what do you expect Christina to be like red flag but for me it was like a spiritual revelation like an awakening I went wow this is new stuff yeah and then but it's so funny with her is in the beginning she was like that but then when she started falling in love with me now we're Christian now does she ever eat your booty you guys have offered really he's not into it I'm not into I just you know I'm not into giving it and Tom has been begging me for years and I won't play with you beggar well bag is probably he's always making his case but I'm like it's so gay me back there and I know you see how big of a guy he is yeah I'm sure just gnarly yeah yeah yeah I hear them through the wall you know and I just can't imagine putting a mouth on the because it'll be compromising cleaning the kitchen playing the rusty trombone analingus and cool Oh sex is actually pretty simple step one and as partner if you can any interested me licking your [ __ ] the next time I go down on you how would you feel if I made out with your butt while you masturbate I want that yeah right her specifically I in fact I only want her to eat my ass I don't think I'd ever want Bobby did yeah I think I'm with you on that it just doesn't seem hygienic it's not just a hygienic is that's where you know I mean disasters happen the ground comes out I think in the first year it seemed like a novel thing to do yeah but after five years together I don't think I'd ever but also yeah I'm a medical man either but like okay so even no matter how much they wash correct right yeah the rim the entrance right would be clean all right let's suppose they like do their little analysis and they found 1% poo in the ring there's 1% poop probably in the wrinkles in the fold yeah in the fold in the wrinkles in the fold right yeah the calamari part is what's right but inside the walls of the inside the tube maybe even a little bit of the entrance but if you go like maybe a quarter inch in right yeah it elevators now you're getting 60 50 percent of [ __ ] right and at that point it's to me it's like no thank you hey you turned down though you turned down an offer well she stuck her finger inside me one right she was like skinny like et fingers that's fine yeah I mean but if it was like you know Joe Rogan's the fingers be like oh my god it would have broke that's a dick pleasure diet I mean we had sushi he had sushi last night and it really affects his diet where he gets diarrhea and stuff said it was very runny no it was just farty and and they smelled bad do you go to an all-you-can-eat sushi crazy come on dude come on do you do that [ __ ] nowhere no we do we splurge we do we go to Hamas and little Tokyo and gari yeah like we spent some ducats yeah yeah well I mean you said you get runny and stuff I said maybe get like he would from like Nobu so it's just like you know it doesn't matter where I go I still go deep every time yeah it doesn't stop it never stop that can I tell your fans oh how I really fell in love with you okay yes is it weird no no so I didn't you know I knew you guys were married right but I didn't really know him Yeah right yeah and so I get invited to this thing called the what's it called oddball comedy comedy that's right and I look at the lineup it's Sebastian Dane Cook and then I see Tom on the line I'm not going that's cool I don't know him but I'm sure he's nice right so when I show up at the Burbank amp Airport of course we had to get our own tickets and I'm my a manager only got me a coach but everyone else got first class so I had to walk through the sea of like and Tom was so fun because he when I was in coach he would come back with a pillow from first class which in my head I'm like oh this guy's cool right and then apparently you were supposed to when you landed in I don't know what City Oh was Houston or whatever yeah you were supposed to have an arrangement a car arrangement for yourself beforehand of course my people didn't do that right and so when everyone got off the plane they just went straight to their cars and I walked out I'm like oh I didn't have a guy have to take a cab but didn't I see Tom standing there and he goes I just make I make an assumption that you didn't get a car arrangement and I go he goes well that's why I waited you want a ride and and and I'm about to cry but on who does that nice people on the man I married I know but it's a no but it's as a comic yeah that is very rare yes to do something like that but you know I I'm selfish because I I also did it because honestly because I was a fan and well that's ridiculous no it's true it's true I was like I'm a Bobby Lee fan so yeah but that was still like but also that you knew that I didn't have a ride when I also like clever of you yeah I put it together yeah but that's and that and then when he did that those gestures in my head I'm like wow this guy is legitimately a great guy yes he's the best you really he really is right yeah yeah yes as well I'm pretty great but dudes in this business especially in show biz we're just talking about this at the very top of the show how normal he is and how sweet he is and you know I want to say this about you too I I don't really recall people's sets ever but one time I was at the Ice House in Pasadena and I walked into the annex right yeah and you were on stage and I think you were doing his bids or whatever but I sat that I was you know when I walk into a room I just got here one Joe yeah but she was so [ __ ] funny yeah then I sat there for like 20 minutes and I had to go up in the other room I said [ __ ] it I gotta watch this girl she's [ __ ] amazing right so the you two together is wonderful yeah thanks buddy you guys want to take our dicks out yeah for stress my smokes a mess thank you guys are sweet people that's all thanks we try well you don't like compliments no I think it's very nice I think it's very I think you're a hundred percent accurate well I will say that I've never heard a bad word about you like there are people and this you hear stories like that guy's a [ __ ] douche bag have you ever heard anybody say anything bad about Bobby there so I have some enemies out there but no really if you just talking to the wrong people well I love first of all I'd love to find those people I could tell you who those people are give me their number yeah well I want to hear them talk [ __ ] but there are people out there that dentists they don't like me you know what it is though can you say this this is that what miss Mitzi always said to me you know you to become a star yeah you kind of have to have both people that love you and people that hate you Oh 100% right yeah and so I'm not really good at trolls and people like ripping me apart like I wanna show right and you know when the show premiered people on Twitter were like you're terrible after and as a comic you know you you're a little paranoid when you I do acting work yeah ask her I get really paranoid sure and I've done movies I've been on a lot of shows but still I don't really have the confidence yet to say I'm a good actor right I'm passable and I've been you know I've been series regular on things so it's fine I know how to do it but it's like so it's very like difficult for me to read bad things but you know in many ways it's just an Evelyn and I just got a I have to grow past it yeah it's it is tough to read horrible things about you I mean who likes that nobody don't you find that the longer you do this and you know I mean I'm sure you experience it too because you come into it from not having probably a lot of I think it's even worse for me because I don't I'm not trying to break in right the industry at all whatsoever and I just do a podcast with them so I'm a few weeks ago some guy decided to take something out of context about me and it became like the number one thing on Reddit and the headline was Bobby Lee's wife admits to being with him only for his money I'm not married to this [ __ ] but that's all I'll ever be reduced to is that because it's not like I could ever out credit that internet you know what I mean like thank you yeah you will you can and you will if you want to like it'll dissipate first of all it being not rooted in truth yeah means that you will out credit that that claim that's just internet gossip you know it's like it doesn't mean it does it's not like a valid source it's somebody saying something and right and so the guy ended up writing this long essay of an email apologizing for using clickbait tea headline and like you know but but she lost sleep over it yeah devastating time I should blood for a week over yeah yeah I really did terrible well no I know I listened in the beginning it's you very sensitive to it and then you'll get used to them in the poison don't you get used to it a little more do you guys get that I feel like yeah likable my thing is just not reading [ __ ] yeah it helps don't [ __ ] look like if someone had told me hey there's this reddit thing and I'd be like great I'm not looking I don't even read comments on like Instagram post you learn to do that I don't read anything so therefore I don't get hurt definitely stay away from YouTube comments don't even look at yeah I know you don't wanna know IMDB if you look it up there's like nine pages of how terrible I am oh my god I used to be you know and I used to read them oh no wonder I haven't checked in ten years or whatever but it's like what you know I was like a wipe subject myself - yeah exactly it was much easier but it was much easier in like the 80s and 90s or sixties you know course comedian because like you could be on a show you could be terrible but where are you gonna write no one says anything or they have to write a letter and send it to the network and you're never gonna see yeah yeah all the studio whatever much easier with that lovin so great if you realize these are people that are unhappy with their own lives whoever started that about you it's not about you they're just looking for a target somewhere to put their anger and rage and maybe this person's jealous of you and your beauty and you're happy or whatever the [ __ ] and I don't even adieu with you man yeah yes on them please think about it would you start a reddit about someone you didn't even know about a [ __ ] pot no because you're not you're not a miserable [ __ ] this person's a miserable [ __ ] yeah but what makes people I mean she said I know but it's you know you know it's gonna hurt somebody's feelings but they don't think that she's a person that's always like there's a level of disconnect right so you don't feel like like not talking about Bobby the guy sitting in front of me it's a guy who was on MADtv a big TV show they don't think of you as as a real person right and you think about you are not in a good place if you spend time creating that out there in other words if you're happy with like what you're doing your life you're dating you're yeah you don't go like I'm gonna take time out of my day life you know I mean like so it's people who are in a place that they're not happy you know channel energy into that it's like if you were happy you don't have time to do that you know any desire to do that yeah you didn't care for somebody's podcast or work you would just go I don't wanna listen to this doesn't make sense it's illogical and I think it would be easier also if we knew who they were - it's like it was the reality is you'd be like oh wow like this is a pathetic no but we figured out who it was she did research and we asked our fans to find him and they found him they found him and then he wanted to come on the pod you know he wanted to be plug his own youtube comedy channel was it because he's a trouble see he's trying to profit off of you that's right you know they they always say that thing that the person that espouses that hate is actually they love you and don't know how to say it you know somebody that that is obsessed with you saying negative [ __ ] is actually somebody it kind of has like a crush on you yeah I don't know how to channel it so they go negative you know right the Apple was saying like I think you're the best right like the opposite of love isn't hate its indifference so the same coin just haters gonna hate girl I got extorted for money on our podcast you actually like yelled you paid no but they said if you don't send us 15 grand we're gonna put this thing out that I already said on the podcast that's already out there right and so I just ignored it for weeks right we got a bunch of emails yeah yeah but then what happened was I got a commercial mm-hmm and I was on the commercial like just sitting there and the lawyers came out to me and said we talked to you a second and I'm sending that sitting next little Jane Lynch because it's her and I in the commercial right like some good money yeah and I go outside what's matter I guess so we got a complaint from you it was that same person that was how they went out of their way to call the ad agency right and to prohibit me from participating in the commercial well you give me that face for I'm not allowed to talk about it did it actually stop you from doing the commercial no they go you know what's so great they said you know what we're just kind of I mean we did get the complaint but we also want to say that we've vetted you we know that you see crazy things and that so you know you're doing a great job for a commercial we love you thank you oh great what's that I don't know what that is our nanny texting me back about our child yeah but people go to great lengths to [ __ ] you on this thing yeah man I feel like it should be a separate diagnosis I think that the whole science of trolls is really interesting yeah I think it should be like a new diagnosis and psychology because they're faceless but there are like dads and regular people really live in inside the internet there's somebody doing that right now who probably teaches at a school exactly oh my god right yeah taking it out well it's when you think about it's such an easy outlet I'm angry I'm pissed off I'm just gonna throw my hate towards the stranger of course was your baby we're inside oh your baby put him in the crate with the dogs right lock him up it was a baby okay it's this is not your first baby this your second baby right I think so no way don't be honest I he's in yeah well you have another baby right that means lunch pretty much yeah but does he speak English and stuff he does like most of Korean yes he's a boy yeah Christina Tom said that your ex was Asian yes Chinese was he like the handsome Asian or was he one of these how dare you I didn't even know what did she say she said one of these I'm broken that [ __ ] up yeah he's very bubbly item clearly yes he didn't have facial hair he couldn't grow it like that well there you go yeah are you yeah seriously yeah beard can you grow a full beard or not oh yeah yeah I wanted to look like him do it why I already told you my look right right in ten years yeah you're gonna do the full beat I'm gonna do a full beard right my hair is receding like yours yeah I've got I know but I'm gonna grow the sides out do my shoulders and have the beard and I'm gonna have these like weird like dr. Strangeglove glasses I like this idea actually right and I'm gonna wear Hawaiian shirts only open yeah and I want to be really tan you're gonna get your most I like your hair this length it's good god bless you it's quite nice you wanna see somebody trying to scare someone yeah and they scare the wrong person I think it's pretty great [Laughter] yeah that was that was me what would you do III go crazy yeah I hate that [ __ ] that would be a bit of a problem yeah can you do haunted houses I don't like it she used to do that on houses no she used to like hi like I'd come home and she'd hide and you jump out and then tape it I remember you did it like two or three times and post it did you post it ever one one time she poked yeah but she has a heart she has a heart problem so I can't do a bad oh that's not fair cuz if I do a bad she could die no sex nobody answered a merchant he was handsome very handsome Chinese guy he was I met him sweet guy super smart super girl friends are saying Chinese men are the way to go with husbands yeah yes I'm not saying she made the room Tom's the best but here's the problem with the Chinese guy I dated we were together for four years so we were serious we were living here and then there was the that whole idea of taking care of the whole family taking care of mom and dad and everybody so I think that that put a strain on him he was really stressed out and I knew that if we had a family together that like our children would never be number one you know what I mean he was always taking care of mom and dad the sisters in this part of the SMN culture again well how did you meet him though because I knew her when they were dating so we were oh that's right like opened my kurz and like and she would show up when she hears my Chinese boyfriend like it's a fetish do you like them but did they break up before you made the moves or did you yeah yeah I got like that I got a phone call like she's single move in there yeah but did you like him when you were getting the Chinese guy I wasn't I liked him as a person yeah I didn't have like crushes or nothing yeah but then I always liked Tom because he was so mature like when he meant when he was 23 and I was 26 yeah and he was just like a man like he he would carried himself like a grown-ass man and he was so funny at 23 like Tom Segar has never not been good at Stan oh yeah like the first time he did it he was [ __ ] amazing and so I always was like he's so special like you were so special I remember that I would go to your that you used to run your show yeah and Los Feliz yeah and like you were you were a boss lady at that Bosley yes you had I mean you weren't just doing I always felt like you know when you fart when you start doing when you fire you fart the first time when you park when you're doing stand-up it's funny ya know oh this lady is she's running shows and I was I was almost intimidated you know I mean then now yeah because yeah you go like oh you're like a gate keeper also yeah I was just trying to make a buck actually I was trying to get out of we're gonna we're gonna day job yeah was this after MTV and all that yeah that happened in like 98 or 99 I graduated and then yes it's so funny you and you know who's similar to that see oh yes yeah you guys it's so funny because you guys come from that world that was like earlier in your life thank God you guys are legitimately comedians and like legitimately funny it's so long it's hard to I can't I really it's difficult to reinvent yourself in that way yeah I need to break that history it's like for me I was on that TV so it's kind of along those same lines that stand-up right it's the same Lane but for you guys it's like wow you guys really trance I have a theory and I was only able to date her because I didn't watch if you had been on one of the shows like if you were on one of the real worlds that I watched and then I'm like oh that's you I think I would have so I would have kept my distance in other words what you're like oh this chicks but here's the thing I wasn't ever crazy I wasn't I wasn't like a puck Cara like I barely was on the [ __ ] thing I think I would have kept my distance weird just just feeling like oh yeah you know I feel like I know her it's weird like she not played out I knew you're out there second day yeah that's what it sounds like [Laughter] yeah and yeah I knew you had quite the resume when it came to that so I mean you're over there in Australia well you know what it's true though cuz I did really work against me when I tried to get an agent because I back then reality TV we were in the dumpster yeah people thought of us as like just used up [ __ ] porn stars really we were you were considered [ __ ] yeah now and now you can have an entire brand and be a reality personality but back then we were really bottom of the bear like that even with me - though it's yeah because when I got off a mad I remember the perfect segue nobody's not because I I remember there was a movie called dinner with Schmucks yeah yeah in Steve Carell right and so ken Jeong got offered a role yeah but then he couldn't do it scheduling-wise so in my head I'm like oh [ __ ] well he can't do it I'm gonna get in and the caster's are won't even see me when I go we'll tell them why and they go cuz he was on MADtv he's like a clown yeah he's that not real Wow right so um I had it I had to there was a bunch of movies like that or I couldn't even get in because of perception mmm they say it's a perception thing yeah it takes a while it takes a while and but what happened was because of the success of key & peele Barinholtz Will Sasso to a degree all these guys they've shaken in that MADtv mm-hmm you know so I think it's helped now things are great but it took me a little very long time do you feel like there's too many Asians working today well you know the thing let me say something to you I mean me too I do there's a reread say no but I'll just say this though is that you have a point there what do you mean what's my point in maybe I've never been threatened of other Asian actors I went Stephen Newman was on Walking Dead I was so happy because he's number one he doesn't have an accent number two he's handsome and he's dating a white girl in it or whatever I'm in and I know him he's a really nice guy you know I'm happy but you know when you have more Asians but you have the same amount of opportunity as you did 10 15 years ago oh then it becomes hard I see there's more yeah yeah same amount of slots but let the same amount of opportunity or more opportunity you think I think there's a little bit more opportunity for us there's a lot more of us right you know and also you're not I'm not getting younger right I'm getting old but um so isn't the answer there though or the solution to kind of get rid of some aging people how do you do is that what you're saying yeah how do you do that there's no way to do it and just kick them out I'm the more the merrier to be honest with you build that wall so here is two deaf people I think that's gasps real quick okay is this real why would you put this in here coming are you really just farted in the next room he really did you hear that stay there for a while I don't want to smell that I'm pregnant I'll [ __ ] barb no you do yeah you what are you eating you're eating kimchi all kinds of [ __ ] nasty [ __ ] you're eating your Korean food do you eat wild why you know I mean like beginners you know silkworms and [ __ ] you eat the silkworms no Korean food I go I go high class with that [ __ ] where do you go I'm a fancy Korean are you yeah I'm not like working-class correct you're gonna take us we talked about this yeah I take you wherever you want okay you guys have any good ones around the area but not with one in the valley that's decent yeah the Korean barbecue like dinner spot like fancy spa yeah I go to a place called wanna say what it's called you got a choice on ever yeah we've been there once it's okay try to tell them that we used to go we had that joint in k-town when we lived there on 6th Street I forget that Nate I forget what really grand yeah kimchi trough you know when I put the kimchi and then the meat juices go into the kimchi I really like is it that little mini mall where there's a 7-eleven and all that stuff yeah yeah I used to go there where the lady was like yeah yeah yeah all the flight attendants would go late at night yeah yeah I don't know if that's the same sorry yeah there's a lot I mean you know what parks you go there on Vermont no big chunks great late at night I guess she's great we go there a lot yeah you spit that [ __ ] when you're there what do you mean like if if it's an authentic Korean joint do you drop it on them do you well I can see like pop Dugas you see oh right yeah so can we have two rice I can say um dr. ki sio Oh get me stuff like that how about it's a damn it mother [ __ ] do you know I do all that no I only know how to do like sexual stuff like what like go chew what's that penis uncle monk butthole no shut is unpressed Boujis vagina bo g longest [ __ ] hyung goes far Oh Pongo and Chinese pee gu yeah yeah yeah yeah that's all I remember and then um I know Tom Dewey which is on the N word what's more please come to me [Laughter] [Music] all right the show is Tiger belly it is a weekly podcast it's on you can download it every thanks for having us on was it's of ice with great job chemistry's great no we get you guys need to come back and yeah yeah this is good we should go to three and dinner I wouldn't know let's let this be a couple's thing I think so let's do it again Cass for sure again let's give dinner and at dinner I want you to reveal more yeah yeah now I feel like I can really learn from you about being kind to your partner I feel like he is such an antagonistic type of person that if I swim hard or on the offense yeah he just rains down can I tell you something that's your dynamic you need to keep that provocation and antagonistic side to your absolutely and give them [ __ ] that is what makes this guy look you guys are happy he likes don't yeah he likes it I feel like if I were to be like a meek librarian he would have broken up with me four years ago absolutely I don't crunch his balls on a daily basis take on how long have you guys been together five years yeah so that makes her schmeckle hard that's that's it's whatever [ __ ] tickles I know with him if I get abrasive and shitty that's it's not good for us the bear likes nice pets and treats and Stroke my inclination is to be kind and nurturing but he doesn't know how to really do it he's a comic - there's a fair amount of Balbus don't forget talking about a real meth head here well comedians also don't like intimacy it's very hard for us to trust there's no cuddling there's no beg for it check out tiger belly I'm gonna plug a couple things yeah where else tiger belly I'm on a sitcom called splitting up together 9:30 ABC Tuesday night wonderful baby Lee and then on that's it you're gonna have to hook up to college football games you know that well is that me because we'll talk often okay so yeah Tiger belly what's the show called splitting up together putting up together thank you for coming a great time what a delight all right we'll we'll see you guys next week thanks for listening [Music] that way [Music] I have a vague idea what you're talking about [Music] [Music] crazy Bunch the one [ __ ] knock your mom's house she loves the [ __ ] knock out no say know what I mean you know what I'm saying know anything yet know what I mean you know what I'm saying when you see me in the streets for the phone with the top dog no big probably your mom's phone spitting all the times and all you are the mother [ __ ] falling off rocking dinner they're like what's it what the change with the jeans with the dream we hired tiny Louisville Lucy got [ __ ] up saves in my pocket steam try to stack this catch to my billfold won't fold twice as fast Bert Kreischer set for crazier bad we can't focalize to a local guy you got [ __ ] fried when you rap on the track like it ain't no surprise put the wax to the pig I mean feeling like a mother [ __ ] raped spec of my name once the bird man I don't window direction at all feeling like Stephen Segal say lengthens healthful [ __ ] in a bit helpful and all that state crime scene you know where I'm at right the funk why need we do you know that your mom's house any better watch out crazy bunch is the one [ __ ] knockout real women at your mom's house tell you better watch out loves the buff [ __ ] knock ya know know what I mean you know what I'm saying we know you ain't anything yet know what I mean you know what I'm saying what's your meet you [Music] when you see me in the streets [Music]

Channel: YourMomsHousePodcast

Views: 1,799,801

Rating: 4.8493528 out of 5

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast, bobby lee, khalyla, tiger belly, odd ball, becoming friends, comedians, comic, comics, comedian, stand up, podcasting, tiger belly podcast, mad tv, splitting up together, tv show, dating, airport, car

Id: yECJJvgseXU

Length: 112min 8sec (6728 seconds)

Published: Wed May 02 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/Son_of_Phoebus]

Start at 11:40.

[u/heyitsEnricoPallazzo]

I love YMH, but can’t stand Bobby Lee. So I’m bummed about having to skip this week’s episode