Chris D'Elia - H3 Podcast #103

five hello and welcome everybody to the h3 podcast live here with the very funny incredible beautiful comedian Chris D'Elia back on the show today's sponsors are audible stamps calm kaptara thank you to them you can catch Chris on Netflix on comedians of the world what another a grit was a 30 minutes right yeah yeah terrific 30 minutes set and if you want to catch this beautiful man on tour go to Chris D'Elia calm / tour now before we get into anything Chris and yes I welcome you back and thank you for being thank you for having me back and there's something that I think is urgent that I need to show you so this is a trailer from 2003 for a movie called tiptoes okay all right and it's like I'm already in yeah well and so it's starring Matthew McConaughey Gary Oldman Peter Dinklage Kate Beckinsale this is a powerhouse yeah our power but back then they were big - right yeah for sure Peter Dinklage because that was before giving bronze right he was not big that no but he's not big now either is it he's not big now in certain ways but in other ways he's huge all right cool so here we go this is yeah right there now I don't know if you're ready for what you're about to see and I was in the first time pretty much game for anything Matthew McConaughey's in you be a judge she's real and Stevens life together was perfect I've got to get going all right a second [Music] there's one small it can tear them apart I think you're gonna let me know that everyone in your pansies a [ __ ] this is real duck gary oldman yes Bruno his mom Kathleen and over behind the bars students brothers off you could have prepared us for this dog you think if you embarrass me I'll never speak to you again so just get it together when the going gets rough it's only the size of your heart no you knocked up this great girl and you didn't tell her that her baby's probably gotta be live I'm not like you we're all so cute and cuddly don't discriminate against us I can do what he wants to do I'm ready for the dot relations what is this man doing a new buddy how does very open do that gay all the way the door I'll put you down the aisle fast Aaron's a very lucky guy just not enough time to screw it up is just a beginning they'll be wrapped package is no doubt about it can a loose and Langley productions proudly present command performances from Cape Anne man performing a fuel economy Patricia Arquette and in the role of a lifetime the role of a lifetime Wow ethos because then because the door whoa that's a real move yeah I never that's that's I mean Wow how times have changed yeah I mean I know I mean that really puts it in place doesn't it but how does Gary Oldman always place parts where it's like he was in a movie once and I mean I'm I know who he is I watched him in a lot of things he was in a movie once where I watched the whole movie and like 4/5 in I was like is that Gary Oldman like how does he the transformer yeah what did they do but they didn't have like CGI back then how did they make him look all short I must must do the walk around honestly she was shooting them it was his breakout role it was a his role of a lifetime yeah it was he'll never when he was on when he was shooting that he was like I'll never Eclipse this that's it's called yeah that's it it almost feels like a trailer you know in a Tropic Thunder yes it feels like a fake trailer yeah yes darling Gary Oldman it has a dwarf wait wait how did you fight people send this [ __ ] to you I thought I just thought it was on the Internet but how do so did this movie there's no way it really actually came out right no it came out its reviews Connie it was big back you can watch this online this movie exists these are star power this is a high budget film they were doing something really socially conscious they did I just looked it up it it screened at Sundance in 2004 and got pan so hard that they they just went straight to DVD come out and but it I think the intention was to come out and feed oh yeah and a cast include Chad said because he's very you know he's a dwarf yeah he said that originally it was meant to be something very socially yeah conscious but in the Edit it turned out to be some corny wrong like rom-com and they were Hugh he was shocked by how the but uh that's so see that's the thing about being an actor I like doing stand-up you're in control of it when you're an actor you're like okay the scripts good and then you shoot it but then the directors are you don't really know what they're doing hmm and then they edit it you don't know what they're doing and then the producers who got their cut you don't know what they're doing but the time you're like oh I was in a horror movie right yeah I always wonder how do you pick a good movie like you just guess I mean if you're at my level you just kind of gasp but I mean if your method conahey hopefully you're like you have the pick of the litter you know yeah I don't but like wow yeah I was wonder about that like like how did how the [ __ ] did Keanu Reeves like know that like you don't know the matrix is gonna be the matrix I mean let's be frank about Keanu Reeves not the best act he's my favorite he's my favorite movie I just I feel like he must have got lucky in the matrix right I don't know because no but he's good because that's who he is I'm not that guy but here's the thing about he goes that's his big life yeah whoa but here I think about counter Eve's oh there's so few movie stars it's like him Denzel Will Smith those like the last like there's no like new ones you know what I mean like even the guys who are really good like Jake Gyllenhaal and like Ryan who's that other one Gosling yeah like they're not like they're like actors do you know what I mean right Denzel when you go to Denzel movie when you go to Al Pacino movie you know what they're gonna be doing almost you know Keanu you for sure you know you know so you go to see because it's Keano it's almost a genre you know yeah yeah that's why I love him I love Denzel and-and-and John wick is a Keano genre it's fun it's basically the matrix part yeah you know the trilogy part of the same trilogy oh yeah so basically what you're trying to say is that tiptoes is probably oh I'm gonna watch it yeah I love they should have just called it we're all short I thought we have been less little you know it's funny at the time if they would have caught a little people that probably would have felt offensive but that's what you know buddy now is now yeah little people oh my even they even had a line just because they're little people doesn't mean they don't have big hearts something like that honestly they should have just called the movie we made this movie yeah yeah yeah we did this format don't forget this yeah you know I think around the time Leonardo DiCaprio did What's Eating Gilbert Grape where he had his breakout as a yeah I want to say [ __ ] but I don't really know what how yeah I don't know either I'm not sure how to say it not to offend people well I don't I never saw the movie so I don't even know what is mmm with the mentally mentally deficient what is the way to say that without offending like really I don't know what's the politically correct way there's an intellectual disability I don't okay so I can't keep up so Leonardo DiCaprio plays somebody with an intellectual disability that's a lot to say there's a lot but at any rate I feel like Oldman felt like he was doing that for the war because I think they came around the same time but also even if they made that movie now you would have to get real little pigs Apple couldn't carry open as good as he is exactly well you know what that's like batch to any given day if it's a slow slow news day like you guys like may have uncovered this today this may bury them and you're right yeah I'd be like well they did this please never forget I know this is this was 13 13 1990 16 years ago three nation a better [ __ ] no no so you may you may have women we may have when that being credited sure let's just make a call right now to to Matthew McConaughey Gary Oldman to who's there yeah Kate Beckinsale that game over what did they say party's over Oh party I like party's over let's have a nice day party / party's over you already here honey I don't know what's better though that are those commercials that Matthew McConaughey are you kidding yes I'm trying to find we didn't we do the last time we were like what [ __ ] with god Brooke yes you know what well okay we could play that the way that made it to one of our we did a an episode at the end of the year of our favor oh it's all that dude his Lincoln commercials are so insane okay so glad you aren't hey when he first I don't know how old you guys are but when he first came out in like a time to kill that was like his break out thing and he killed it he was like this you it was a time to kill yes it was yeah we thought everyone thought was gonna be next Paul Newman he handsome his [ __ ] a good actor and then he started me and then so he be busy big star and then he made these corny movies kind of fell off then kind of climbed his way back up was in the one the other year Dallas buyers club won the Academy Award and then was like alright [ __ ] it and then just did these and was like I'm back to being Matthew McConaughey yeah it's like you it was like the almost like John Travolta is the same way it was like he can get back on top but then he's not gonna he's like [ __ ] like with Pulp Fiction he's like you know I mean after pulp fiction yeah like I heard that Quentin Tarantino had to like convince him to do get shorty and couldn't turn dinner didn't do get shorty but he was like you got to do this it's a good movie and gentle it's like really I'd rather do some [ __ ] [ __ ] either do but I don't know what it is but you know it's a beautiful thing they they straddle that line between yeah great yeah yeah yeah and total ass yeah I think though that goes to like you got to take a shot you got to take a shot you got to take a chance cuz if you take a chance you can win big but you know Vail [ __ ] huge I want to pull up these Lincoln commercials now so yeah the topic there's one I couldn't find that's on there's so many of them there are but there's in a few yeah I'm gonna pull up the what the best ones I could find well there's one that's on TV right now or stuff oh yeah I don't know yeah he gets in his Lincoln he drives around there it's there's no dialogue and then at the end he goes no it doesn't it's not even a word he just goes and there's a voice over there or what no no that's my favorite one out he goes wow they're [ __ ] they're taking the piss out of the man no I don't think so he's like hitting the corners and then it shows him like playing pool at the same time but there's no dialogue no voiceover and then at the end he goes yeah I swear to Allah see that one god I would ride so hard to fight and maybe you guys back could find out well I am but yeah what the one where he just goes Dan because and YouTube man so this was the I hadn't seen this one before but this one's go wait no I think I've seen this one yeah this one is where that hard facing the bull quite epic no your that is the premise look at this [ __ ] guy he's acting he's trying so hard yeah I think the thing is if this move you know it's like do you have to like it's one of two things he knows he's [ __ ] with us okay you know take it if you maybe he knows maybe he doesn't but if he doesn't then he's buying all the [ __ ] that people are feeding him over then go it's like yo Matthew McConaughey you're the only guy who can sit in this [ __ ] car oh yeah yeah Johnny Depp Matthew McConaughey might be a secret Scientologist mmm I don't know the vibe I get when yeah but this move when you could sit like this move here yeah that's a real actor good I gotta do that right next like if I get a movie saying I've never done that in real life but it looks good as hell right hmm like you got to be a real that's a big quote try to pull that off you know it feels weird to do the luring that's a big bull I love it wow I wonder who wrote the dialogue for this you know let's enjoy this I'm not gonna be Gary Oldman and that's the area open by the way Gary Oldman as the dwarf you wrote the dialyzer bull let's enjoy this cinematic nice big ball that's a big bowl I guess all sorry Oh he knows the name 1,800 pounds and do whatever that woman what are you doing with your fingers you create vacuous thing this would be like a dream you have yeah like a [ __ ] terrifying dream that you have to explain to a therapist thank you sir thank you Sarah would that make me want to buy a car and I'm gonna say straight up that commercials [ __ ] stupid it's a [ __ ] stupid commercial I will never buy a Lincoln I wasn't gonna but guess what you do wait the over man yeah that's a [ __ ] stupidest commercial I just don't understand like the budget the writing the planning the execution the hiring of Matthew McConaughey goes in millions of dollars in effort and time and manpower goes into this uh well hey we're talking about it but but but nobody's listening spying that Lincoln yeah nobody also who what's a [ __ ] Lincoln to begin with that's kind of what was funny about the Matthew McConaughey thing trying to act like I guarantee you Matthew McConaughey a man as rich as that does not drive a [ __ ] link you know yeah I'm saying you know what they did they definitely were like they gave him one soon as I say you could say you're driving or probably gave it's in his [ __ ] ya garage I yeah that that does kind of ruin like like in the neck in the next movie where you'd be like oh he's playing the guy in the Lincoln commercials mm-hmm she'd make a full movie of the Lincoln commercial now now yeah yeah yeah now I'm buying a [ __ ] Lincoln you know how she kill did you notice that like Shaquille Rosen he's in [ __ ] movie trailers he's good like trying to be badass that's a very good point Gila and Shaq's a goofy [ __ ] in every commercial chakras I'll air shocks got the thing in his head where exact can't believe I'm in this commercial do not I mean and you're watching it and you're like yeah we're like this cream we're selling this cream you rub on his leg you don't need to tell me just I'll do it yeah you know well the end this is so bad that's a very good distinction but the only way it would be okay I think for me is if Matthew McConaughey was like new and he was like did interviews like on like late-night couches and he was like do you see those [ __ ] Lincoln commercials you know what I mean oh yeah I'm taking their money then I'm in right yeah that's not the case now in fact he's been doing these commercials for what I can only say decades yeah I mean really these Lincoln commercials I'll tell you they be go off for a living this time no thanks Dallas buyers club I think I think just Dallas I want to associated with AIDS no no but I think that I think that he did those movies and he was like so hot and then the next thing I was like what the [ __ ] is Lincoln commercials that year it was like in three just by the way I mean he's a phenomenal I oh yeah great yeah I mean lot have you seen true detective she didn't want oh yeah it's all awesome you yeah I mean I don't know I mean he kind of plays that guy yeah so let's see watch some other ones okay I think then one here about this one and then I'm gonna hopefully find the one that I was talking about you just need the living room within the car sleep he's in the car with like anything on the side that's a big family wouldn't he be great for cut to him doing a suicide in the garage and the way kid because he looks on the suicidal doesn't even sad well there's definitely like yeah why are we not pretending like he's the weird guy at the party hid like [ __ ] he's playing pull himself we're gonna hang out with the family like was he doing and he was like talking here's like saddest chair further away from everybody I'm was like taking chords as a [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah why don't they do it link in the car for [ __ ] are you alright yeah if I'm at that dinner I'm like amen are you are you alright - does this would this would be after we had the conversation you'd be like you know what he says like me this is gonna cut to him just breathing fumes that's Lincoln right what happens is dicks out look weird guy at the party that got in trouble everyone doesn't like this guy the lighting is real weird to look slightly car commercials are always so who's also who sang them look how close up here's of the wheel like this that's there that wasn't it I mean that was the line but not the commercial but this was the line actually about you [ __ ] off look you gotta learn this video they cut out the part where somebody yelled at him about how he like grabbed some lady's ass yeah really here but this is the line actually he goes here [Music] I left forever [Music] no he said I have no good play well he doesn't give a [ __ ] about staying the actual line huh he's like I'm gonna do it one two the director is that I'm doing time and I'm not gonna I'm not gonna clarify what it sounds like I've heard this 20 times and I've just no no he does Wow that was like the end of the sixth sense I don't I don't like that commercial no why is it the car commercials in general are such ass uh what the [ __ ] just tell me about the car I don't I don't know let me most well no hold on let's just say most commercials are just [ __ ] pieces of [ __ ] and there's honestly no excuse for that it's 30 [ __ ] seconds make it good there should be zero bad commercials hmm maybe 1% of commercials should be bad it's so [ __ ] easy they try so hard to get all these writers you have to check with [ __ ] it Lincoln it's okay although we do that it's so [ __ ] terror it's so bad you just get one guy be like this is a I'll talk about this on my podcast like if you're gonna if you have a commercial for pants or whatever the [ __ ] it is just have a guy coming to me like a these are the [ __ ] these are the pants these pants are great yeah go buy these pants if you want these pants if you don't want these pants then don't buy these pants well you're not gonna be the guy with these pants if I was in a commercial for pants and I did that it would be good yeah if you get somebody it don't have to be me if you get him to do it well he might [ __ ] no no he'll [ __ ] yeah and you're like why is he the Lincoln you still get a Lincoln there's no [ __ ] reason stand by this I'm gonna run for mayor on this platform there's no reason I have bad commercials well for about commercial my favorite bad commercials that stand out to me are Mentos you probably recall yeah because it's it's unforgettable how you probably haven't seen these yeah let me show you in fact yeah because they are so bad that they're unforgettable and at least in their case you know they're doing it on purpose right that's them that's what makes it forgivable I think though so but we say Mentos this is [ __ ] say Mentos wait Mentos commercial yeah wait they say men toss yeah there was a Mentos the freshmaker or whatever the [ __ ] they say is it not American it's not it might not be though technically but this is I love this I lost my virginity is [Music] whatup [ __ ] look at that would not work at all wow you were right very very very no hold on let me find another how about that Greg walks into the interview you'd be like what the [ __ ] dude are you insane yeah the song is incredible I can't forget it gets hit by a car what a day this goes back what am I gonna do this is like MacGyver basically [Music] go behind the car so much faster either go behind the car min George mentos it's so much faster walk behind the car men to us dude must be not America he should have [ __ ] got in the car strangled the guy killed him and then gotten back at right mentos for life I would eat what's up let's he'd put some Mentos on his corpse what really good idea actually got the car and it was Matthew McConaughey oh man people need that higher I think people need to hire you he's just like those are some big balls Dan said he was right what's real aright about one then it's not American yeah makes mentos Dan it's me it's too that's too far even for the Italian goes into the car the guy is on his phone and out of the car that makes so much my whole life makes so much no it [ __ ] pinstripe suit that's so Italian what's so wait so please tell me that Americans didn't make the link in commercial then showed up on set the Mentos commercial and they were like but what that was literally them it was like an inception inception thing about commercial than a commercial and [ __ ] they were like but why does he not have a pinstripe suit and they're like well they don't wear them in America he says he needs to have a pinstripe suit like let's change the whole commercial roll around and then they were like yeah he has a pinstripe suit wow dude Mentos what's with the Italians they their roots go deep in a lot of Industry they make great cars great clothing and now it turns out with their food or is a fantastic yeah but now I found out there making Mentos right why do you why are Jews being accused of conspiracies when really the Italians control everything the Pope yeah also pet they have a monopoly on pedophilia as well they they get the corner market area I mean I don't want that one but I'm saying they've done they do they love it yeah they're great at okay they're they they look good while doing it that's a bad commercial there was a bad there's no excuse for it now it's so true yeah and you know the Super Bowl is such a scheme to because they do it just for the commercials it's like [ __ ] you is the British trick I'm not why I didn't watch this it's the greatest trick anybody let me tell you something to anybody who says oh I watch this Super Bowl just for the commercials is the most boring person in the room okay okay don't first of all first of all those commercials [ __ ] suck right they're not good okay right maybe they used to be or something I don't know but they're not now you watch them and this I watch them like this hey okay you watch the Super Bowl for the Super Bowl okay right I don't watch the Super Bowl okay what about the halftime show I mean it just yeah it was fine I mean you know I don't feel good or bad I don't know how does even know anyone eight people like love to make fun of the halftime show unless it's Beyonce you know what it means because it's like Beyonce can't do no wrong but like you knew being maroon 5 that there was gonna be like oh they're gonna they're gonna make fun of them you know but what shocked me about getting Adam Levine is like of all the artists that are popular like who gives a [ __ ] about Adam Levine you know like nobody really he's not like on the rise I get it but he's so big though he has a lot of hit when I heard you know I mean he's got he's on that show right he's so big they're so big and they have some they have some [ __ ] hit yeah yeah but his tats I mean did you see his tats that kind of stuff to me yeah I knew that though I saw I saw he looked like it was photoshopped arm and as a gag yeah yeah it's weird they're very like spaced and like he's got like a butterfly California you know yeah he's cool he's a cool-looking dude though I think I think a lot of people give him [ __ ] just because he's who he is but like wouldn't leave them in the [ __ ] room with your federal help no [ __ ] the [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah yeah I get it yeah mmm yeah come on I saw ya what you and [ __ ] the [ __ ] of Adam Levine that's a big big I would eat his dirty [ __ ] nice nice yeah that's moves like Jagger dude but I do hate when he says I got moves like Jagger he doesn't dance does that bother you yeah he's um he's kind of he's got a great voice he's not that good at dancing though you know when he saw next to the ever oh I got like Travis Scott like doing his thing and driving me crazy he was telling me ether it's not a good point he's thinking I've got moves like Jagger yeah but he's not the even dancing yeah that's like the only it's literally like he's just like you would be like I'm a [ __ ] you know I'm a car salesman Lou and you're like no you're not you don't sell cars on the lot selling cars and you're like what I'm literally selling my job I'm not a singer all right let's take a break we'll be back with Chris D'Elia we've got so much more great things to watch the time is just flying by because we're having a great time so don't go away we'll be right back there's never been an easier time to start listening on audible listed on any device anytime anywhere at home at the gym on there on your commute while you're gaming or just on the go you also enjoy easy audio book exchanges rollover credits and an audiobook library you keep forever even if you 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that's fine and that's what I Erie is he he's back we joked with you man he came back is like they're on right now he just went in and killed bathroom Conner you know Lincoln's are cheap I looked up the price after that that's you were late yeah bye Lincoln real quick 77,000 for the one he was wow that's a low that's why I thought I didn't I would I knew they were not cheap but that's way more than I thought they were that's way way more than I thought it was you know what do you know why it's cuz that old people buy that [ __ ] they have money yeah that's why yeah kinda is young for them right like let's get somebody [ __ ] sprite and young right like who it's either between Matthew McConaughey or Abe Vigoda so now that we're back from the break there's now kind of another video I wanted to show you keep this our good choices of video thank you very much I appreciate you saying that so I think you're gonna really enjoy this next one as well let me just pop this baby I mean really good with it to the tiptoes one great and every way you segwayed into the Matthew McConaughey well we're on the same page all thank you appreciate you saying that they're cueing the stuff yeah this is fun this is track oh damn it okay yeah I don't think you really there's other foot - did you know that I mean this is this as far as I'm aware is the whole oh okay oh I got you it's the whole set yeah so [Music] that's my is it cool that's because that's hard and the Jesus you know first of all he's pretty good at pop and locking yeah dinner through the power I need this hydro close on it can you explain for the for the audio listeners just what we're seeing here so what you're seeing here is a little history I'm not he's a Hispanic gentleman he looks a little bit like a gang gangster gang banger with a shirt that says Jesus and he's pop-locking like real hardcore Jesus Christ we love you God and he's just yeah he's pop walking like crazy it's really good at it yeah I want to know if somebody is shooting this or if you set up a tripod it's a tripod it's way look there's the sort of truth where you lay the fight up all award just and everybody know Jesus points and all those who comes with eternal so what did he say Jesus Christ I love you dog at one point I think he I think he's saying I love you God because that I prefer dog me too I love you dog Jesus that guy is that guy that God loves Jesus Christ oh yeah of course I thought he was Australian because he's always a cloister but I don't think they got him to do a sermon or something like they brought him onstage and I was doing it yeah for white people yeah so [ __ ] had somebody pull that up please it was like a bunch of white people were like old wife you were like this is what's this is what's hot for some you know you're serious oh yeah I saw someone pull that up please just course we love God will love you I like the Hat I love the idea that God's up and having like yeah Oh get it yeah get it yeah yeah yeah he's making it happen yeah this guy at the pearly gates he's like he's like breakdancing yeah or he's just like he gets when you get that guy's kiss to heaven Jesus is gonna be like hey man I really didn't approve that [ __ ] Wow dude that guy is that guy's probably I'm gonna go out on a limb he's probably the most [ __ ] annoying person you can be around that guy mmm imagine just sitting at a koala fate with that guy you'd be like Oh God you know okay I can't imagine it as much else to talk about right and even if he does it's probably the same thing or like he's like Oh Rison and you're just like I don't it doesn't matter that much and he's like no I got bet they got a bit of family play you could have a baby you know that's how he is and you're just like oh okay and you're like you just say okay because you know you know he's gonna stop talking about it but not gonna switch to Verizon yeah and then later eyes it I guarantee that's what that guy's laughs yeah I didn't get a chance to a man you wasting valuable food sort of crude sort of you know are you finding that clip of him Dan yeah I'm looking for it right now I don't know where I saw on the right keyword for sure alright I'm gonna keep looking moving forward keep this things flowing I mean I really want to see that though yeah so what else we got here today shall we talk oh of course the but well first of all I saw that you tweeted out your biggest show you've ever gone took place recently yeah in Chicago not only that but the [ __ ] yeah in a row how many people did you perform for so that's 3,500 show so I sold that out in it I don't know what's up with Chicago just I sold out in a day and then I had to add another one I couldn't I couldn't it was supposed to be the next day the next it was a Super Bowl mmm sounds like I had to redo it so reschedule it so I put it for in a few months and then that sold out in a day so I had a third Wow yeah it's crazy Chicago we love you dogs course you love this girl congratulations yeah the trip for me even yeah you think about adding a for show really listen up well it's not the third one there's still tickets left so I don't know I still in a foreign away all you [ __ ] in Chicago yeah we love you dog we'd love your door they buy tickets at Crystal yeah yeah yeah it's it's awesome man I mean I have this tour has been the biggest I mean I'm doing so many cities I didn't even know existed I just because I'm having fun with it man you go like as a comedian like I love my job I love going onstage I was weird to even call it a job but like to go you know sometimes like you fall in and out of love with like touring you know it's a lot you go to [ __ ] is really hard yeah and you're at a different city every night if you're you know and so sometimes doing two shows sometimes doing three shows a night which is just like that's rude I've so I've done that a few times yeah it's brutal I got to do that third one as good as the first ah that's a good question sometimes it's you're tired but I mean like I'm doing in Huntington New York I have three shows in one day coming up and I'm gonna do one at like 5:00 7:30 and then like 10 something but I've done it the other way we're in Atlanta I added a late show and it was like seven nine thirty seven nine thirty and then like 11:30 and it was just like I do that one you're just like boom boom you do this bit yet I don't even know I do the part with you and they're like yeah no it's it's a lot but I like I like I my whole thing is like I don't like sit down and write I have ideas that I come up with during the day and then when I get super bored of my material which is the more and more shows that I do I'll just like throw out this idea that I have on stage and that yeah most well in the beginning it is yeah and when I went to cut when I start talking about a bit I'm just kind of like feeling it out because I I've realized for me I'm good in front of people and and because I feel the energy and I'm like and when I'm sitting down writing I think I know it's funny but I I need somebody to be you know me and like to bounce it to like yeah to see the reaction when I'm saying it you know so while you're touring you're experimenting with I mean it's it the the tour one now to follow the delete the follow the leader tour is pretty much my hour set but I do get bored of it I mean I'm doing you know [ __ ] City after City after City I'm doing show after show I mean I don't know how many times I've performed this act now yeah I'll start adding to it but it all will fit within the confines of what I'm talking about you know I won't just start being like like if I think like if we're talking about the linking hammer so be like oh that's a funny thing to make fun of like I'm not just gonna start talking about that it needs to fit with an adage usually it usually grows off of the what I'm talking about well it seems like you've been having an incredible last year and already this year it's like you're I'm really fortunate and I'm really it's just it's just really [ __ ] cool people give a [ __ ] back do you know that mean like in that they want to come out and it's just it's just you know I sit and I think about it sometimes and I'm just really fortunate and I'm really thankful and I I think it's [ __ ] awesome and I mean I mean just people listen to this podcast it's like it's crazy you guys start you one day you started doing it do you know what I mean I still don't believe that real people are talented have you ever done a live podcast yeah yeah we did want to his phone on Cooper fun and we sold out it was where was it it was oh yeah but it was like so stressful and so much work I was like it's a lot of work through that again technically complicated we brought all of our equipment so it was so fun though I was like buzzing yes fun when you're on the stage doing it federal but then yeah so we haven't done it since then I always wonder do you have like a pre-show ritual do you eat between shows or do you not you drink you don't drink I don't drink but I usually eat right before it's just from added to shows so I can just because I are so definitely the middle but like what I would I what I do before my show is just relax now now I don't get nervous anymore because I've done it so much and but like so I just it's weird it's like you get to the venue and you just sometimes I fall asleep beforehand really yeah it's amazing yeah yeah yeah you wake up feeling good yeah ands ORS not too close to the show start you know it's like wake up girl go on how do you relax I'm good at it now I I used to buzz off of the show just like but I'm good at just kind of I'm good at not thinking about anything and just chilling you know just like when I get back in town on you know a Sunday or Monday whether it is any but it just being like I used to feel guilty about like not doing anything I'll just go um you know I'll get a coffee I'll [ __ ] chill and not think about anything and it feels good man mmm that's hard to do it is it's hard to learn how to do yeah you just gotta make yourself to it it's like like when you guys when you guys are you good as good about sleeping hand no no okay so I wake up at like 7:30 and I'm wide awake and I [ __ ] make myself stay in bed til I fall asleep again even if it takes an hour plus and you need that man it's like you you need that if you're on the go and if your sleep is the is is arguably the most important thing happens and like I make myself do it I know I have to because I'm gonna be on the road I'm gonna be I sometimes I only get you know three hours of sleep a night so doesn't get no sleep cuz I gotta get take an early show early flight to Albany I gotta [ __ ] show it you know 8:00 p.m. and I'm gonna get in at like 5:00 with the time difference I go right to the show I got no sleep I make myself sleep I'm a male [ __ ] that's such an important yeah and it's frustrating but when you wake up after that second time you fall asleep it's [ __ ] what we're like alright I used to feel guilty you know awake even if ya mean I don't wake up at like 1:00 you know but if I even if I were to I wouldn't feel bad about it I I think it's just from like you get this source of satisfaction when you complete what is it called dopamine or whatever and so yeah from being productive and and and when do you work a lot you know and you're working all the time yeah then when you stop and you're like oh I'm finally gonna take a day off because I've been working for 10 days straight that all the sudden you're not getting that dopamine in feeling guilty because you feel so on but like it's [ __ ] up yeah and you guys love your love what you do right yeah so and I do too but it's like what are you doing it for what are you doing it all for to just keep doing it I mean yeah but also what about you guys hang out what about you know you're gonna have a baby what about you know whatever it is it's like you got you got a like I had one of the heart what am I on best friends wouldn't he coming just like oh she did she's better at it now but like six years ago like I'm like what are you doing all this for she would work work work work work and it's just like well but what about hang out have a life yeah usually good at it now but like but it's like you know oh you take it you gotta you have to let yourself feel okay about that yeah you have to yeah III that's occurred to me a lot recently too that's I think in the beginning to like when you're coming up it's so much about the grind yeah and so much about just being focused and working all the time that when you achieve that success but the grind yeah going and you need to learn to be like I have to have a life too right well not only that is up with your grinding because you're trying to get the work and then you get the work and then you keep getting more work and you're still in that grinding mentality you're like oh I got to take this [ __ ] work now that I'm getting it but it's late it like I got to grind this day off yeah yeah you don't have to you know it's hard to say no though you know it's hard to like it's hard to say no to work it's hard to say no to money yes yeah you know it's are like yeah but what are you doing it all for is was what I try to think of and it's like you know that's good but um I think one man does have the answer who's that and who might that be is what I saw [Applause] [Music] with this place I can beat a college lab [Applause] another one no idea what he's doing [ __ ] [Applause] [Music] white people in the audience are just like okay like they don't let me get a look at this let's do a spread they're all way and old by the way that's like his friend right there it's just hilarious that these people by the way if they saw this guy on the street they'd be like walk to the other side yeah you know I mean that's sort of got enough Wow these old people are so confused they're on the same team but yeah they're not real yeah it's like you know yeah sort of sort of sort of truth brother it's we're not violent it is but I know he's short holy war yeah ready to put all the war we were along but we didn't really do sure Lincoln yeah I just noticed the name of this channel where the stage as member Mike Christian hip-hop hits justice all wow just as hard as what but it does say that's a gang member Mike servant so he is a hex gang member oh yeah we knew that though huh because of the teardrop tattoos yeah that's a little bad I felt like some people might be angry that I said well it's a gang member you're right so we'll suck my [ __ ] boner of Justice yeah a boner of truth I mean thank you hit that that is so fierce with the bop lot it's violent yeah you know the only the thing I say is if you're gonna do something like people who that's my favorite move by the way there's no way I don't like a move better though he breaks the chain like a mo better than I love any breakout change the ultimate flex is the best look at him getting it coming out of the womb look at the worst technique of all time yo we just play I don't know but he dropped the whole [Applause] Wow man I hate to say it you know I I don't you know I those [ __ ] are insane those [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah yeah any time a group of people get together and are believing something is pretty [ __ ] crazy really crazy it's pretty like I wonder what how can you stretch the limit of that like there's almost no exception to them now there's nah a bunch of people come together believing in something yeah right crazy yeah yeah it's to do people are too different you can't if you all believe in one thing founding fathers yeah founding fathers yeah they came together yeah Constitution mm-hmm crazy they did have slaves yeah but also how many were there of those people well there was 13 founding fathers I thought many that's not a group isn't it saying like if you have like 100 200 people mm-hmm and they're all believing in one thing let me tell you something and you're about to chime in eventually something I think there's more than 13 well they sign they signed right I guess if you just signed what the declaration you know what Dan I don't know what I'm talking about stop yeah thank you no it's thank ya if you you know I mean I I joke about in my podcast how I have a cult and I really want one yeah yeah and and if we're all together at least it's it's like we'll yeah crazy but at least like we're all believing in my [ __ ] you know I mean well yeah if you're the guy it's not so bad for you it's great for you it's good for everybody apparently that's what yeah that's cold big-time cold thing is poison everybody force a lot of people on you poisoned some people want to get [ __ ] and poisoned you love you got the sword of Liu yeah that sounds good and they pay you yeah yeah yeah so yeah it's a it's a [ __ ] they're crazy yeah what else we got here so oh my goodness Eminem has finally ignored yeah that was [ __ ] wild I mean I saw that I was so happy for you because Chris if you guys don't know it was it absolutely has this incredible mmm and impression I can't I mean this was the second one I guess they went kind of viral right yeah I did a first one a few months ago when his album came out the first one with the BAP game yeah yeah yeah thanks yeah I was just in my driveway and I was just like I did it and I posted I didn't think of it and it went viral heavy and then and then like a few rappers hit me up and like we're like aw it's funny but I was like rappers don't really like take rappers take them so seriously you know I mean even Eminem like as funny as he is it's like you don't it's like they're worried about looking stupid you know so so are you're a fan a minute oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure yeah and so I did so I did this so he came out with that 11 minute freestyle yes and that was like I was like I should make fun I should do that but then I was like I don't like to do [ __ ] again I don't like to do it I feel like people if something becomes viral then they'll they want more of it and it's like it that turns me off but I was just like cleaning out my garage and I was like be funny to do it here and I just I just did it and then so Eminem tweeted it out he said this is incredible I like how it keeps it real though and he said he uses the number for you I respected that I was like Marshall Mathers still gotta be story for second actually guy it was me incredible and even tags you were sweet guy that's cool so without further ado I love how you're out of breath that's why two minutes you saw he was we need to deliver funny can I not like what the is going on my screen damn what the government what is that on the YouTube thing or on the screen trike just click on the YouTube I'm intrigued then concern it's the yeah you're getting hacked we're being hacked its anything just like you what are you doing right this I didn't realize how very mmm it was to like probably throw it at the camera that's a good one so I mean when you first saw the heat did you find that out when he tweeted it out how did you find out my so I got a bunch of text but I was on my phone and he my buddy texted me and was like dude hmmm and I was like oh he's texting me because it's like two days ago I did that you know yeah and I was like yeah bro and he was like oh my god and I was like yeah what and they sent me the screenshot and I was like why I thought he made it up and I was and I looked at the Twitter Eminem's Twitter and I was like are you [ __ ] kidding me and then my phone just struggling Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing yeah I was [ __ ] crazy I mean people went back that's like you know I mean he's like top all over the news yeah yeah yeah there were so many articles about it and [ __ ] it was so funny because it was like you realize how famous he is right you know cuz like I I have fans and [ __ ] but it's like you know nobody was like I mean people it went viral but and and some people would write about it but like once he recognized it everyone was like Eminem recognizes crystally is impression I was like oh that's [ __ ] Fame yeah that guy still sound like fifty thousand I know he's incredible man he's ridiculous yeah and I you know but I don't get is when I before he recognized it people were like [ __ ] off you know you know I'm most people like positive about it but the people the fans the stands or whatever we're like you're a [ __ ] like you don't even sound like him he's like the people were literally like though the lyrics aren't even good I'm like yeah that's what comedy is you know what I mean and then and then then he thought it was funny so then a lot of the guys thought a lot of his fans thought it was funny and but people still were like I don't give a [ __ ] if em and I'm like dude that's disrespectful my same dude the only other time I felt that was with Justin Bieber when I did the Bieber roast and then I also I made fun of Selena Gomez on Seth Meyers show once and I got a lot of hate from from Brazil like but it's like Brazil or like poor Portuguese people like you they're like you know Bibi you don't know what the [ __ ] you're talking about baby yeah did you ever speak with Eminem did you guys ever connect no I just retweeted it and I figured I figured you knew you that might have been in like a slide into the dams moment but did he follow you on twitter I don't think so no I don't think he's too big yeah he's like I like this but I don't follow but here's the thing though like for him like like make no mistake he's top five or whatever they say you know what I mean like but hip-hop has changed and a lot of people think that rapping is out of fashion yeah because he's trying too hard or whatever the he's actually good and talented and doing some [ __ ] he's not mumble rap but but so so the younger generation thinks that's corny so what what he should do is something like what he did there is retweet that no saying like look I know what you guys think I do this is this is you know this is me taking the piss out of myself saying like oh I thought this was me obviously joking and and and saying but this is what I do and your mother like it's he's still [ __ ] good at it yeah do you know what I mean and so like that I was always like you know it didn't have to be me but he should he should have like address that somehow and he did there but like because like you know [ __ ] changes comedy changes to hip-hop is like that comedies like that you know it's just like you know if you go back and you listen to like Bill Cosby like in the early 80s it's like it's not funny you know anymore like boy yeah it's like we're doing different [ __ ] now you know so you guys need a collab me and Bill cuz I said maccann is fantastic he wrote I love it so you said some rappers reached out anyone yeah wale said it was Tommy Tommy was really [ __ ] funny and Royce the five nine who was Eminem's boy one love I love while I - but Bruce five nine commented on it I can't remember if DJ premier said something or not he said something on something I signed another one of my post he's my favorite producer of all time yeah I mean yeah it's it's a trip it's cool it's cool yeah it's amazing it's amazing I love to see that it's just this this silly little meme has gone all the way up it went all the way yeah the man himself yeah yeah and then I saw you talking about this on the podcast on your podcast I'm fascinated by our Kelly oh yeah I love everything our Kelly related yeah and you mean daddy I sorry I mean that you have to call him daddy you might be too old to call him daddy but daddy can I get a sandwich daddy no but I saw a clip that that you open my eyes do that Pulu no this thing in the oh you can see that until you saw me talk about it oh yeah oh my God he's so steel rap about anything the way he raps is so weird I'm getting a sandwich yeah just like yeah I'm taking a piss and I'm wet my [ __ ] and and and like enough people will be like but that's really how it is that's like I got so are Kelly I'm have to wrap this up soon because my I'm dying I don't know if you guys could tell but I'm literally dying it's okay there's been an hour right yeah we must in a terrific hour let me say as long I like coming on here man I wish I could stay longer than having so much fun with you but what car come back yeah so are Kelly's in Ethiopia of all places yes Nate Ford you know I don't know when this was or anything like that but I guess we should watch it before he probably did a free show just to groom it is new year so it says Happy New Year so so listen to our Kelly sing to his fans I got it you have your passport did you get your shots back this is an actual invitation he's not getting no sex slave yeah I'll pee on you but but here's the thing though like R&B is known to be the sexiest music you can't make it less sexy then what he's saying do you have your passport is just so functional right and then to be like did you get your shots like it's just not only functional it's gross you're like wait for what for typhoid fever like what I don't want you sick bringing stuff back to America you know exactly because first of all if you migrate to Larry have you been vaccinated do you have your passport it seems like I'm seeing in a song but I'm actually inviting you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah with the context of like what actually oh yeah that is it's also like the kind of thing where before you knew this [ __ ] was going down you'd be like that's really funny it's funny it's I get it he's singing about actual things you have to do to you know it's not just he's not beating around the bush like they used to with R&B music you know what I mean but now and so it's its own but now it's like but like oh [ __ ] he really brought people back and he pissed on him I bet you met girls backstage yeah dead okay like I said I'll do you have yeah and yeah let's go it was like oh so we're going it's just like yeah and then they get to the thing they get to the thing and then they're like we're leaving and then like oh this she can't go she doesn't have her passport or her shots and he's he literally was like did you heard the song yeah what did I say did you not understand when I was singing that's why I sing it that way that's way right that's why our Kelly songs are so fantastic because he's not really singing he's just talking no I don't think he's like Paul Simon AHA Paul Simon you should do it he's like I went to the market and then I am and Anna he's doing it way Rocher and worse rape the girl yeah I mean I mean that's amazing I mean trapped in the closet was it like 50 minutes long it's about him being in the closet yeah yeah trapped in the closet incredible unreal I mean he came out with a new one trying to defend himself I heard that yeah is real awful he's such a legend any worse way you know what I mean yeah yeah did you get your shots keep listening so with this rehearse before cuz then he says Rob yeah with Robbie's name first name basis yeah that's actually that's how he grooms up he's like Oh Rob we're close when all sudden yeah call me daddy yeah that's what have we learned in the our Kelly documentary on lifetime I said he made the girls seen it no I don't man my girl said it was [ __ ] it's fantastic if you read articles about it and so on it's all real and like everyone says it's great oh it's fantastic I mean it's weird to say something like that's great you know it's like the Holocaust was like oh fantastic this documentary about the whole [ __ ] phenomenal no but it it keeps getting away with [ __ ] so it's like well because he he what he does is he really tortures these girls that he torments them and emotion he's almost like methodical and skilled at torque tormenting them to the point where they don't want to leave right so and so it's not a Lee go what he's doing but like they go undercover and the girls are very scared they're very scared of leaving like a mom clothes to try to get her daughter back and she is terrify her de bout this and eventually she that she comes down with the mom but like he grooms these girl like why he's like a cult yes yeah it's a cult book it really has this phases like it's like he's got this like 10 step to make you a slave the kids really perfectly how to do it like it starts with like I'm gonna be your mentor and then they talk for a while and then they're like why don't you come live with us in our studio and then it's like why don't you call me daddy and then I have to call me Dad and let me take your phone you don't need to talk to all these outside people that's true you have to ask permission to do anything like this again go to the bathroom and out for me how annoying is that they have to peek outside and ask for food to go to the bathroom the score was like I hadn't eaten for days and I was pounding on the floor to get permission to eat food and then each girl has a room and then there was like this one room where he were yet sex with other girls and they were doing a tour of this house and the girl was started crying when she saw this room and she's like I can't even oh I can't even tell you about the girls were there doesn't it's a lot and then to make it even worse some of the girls are really young like 15 oh well alia and oh she was long she was starting oh [ __ ] dude what more do you need to know about the guy is that alia was like 14 when he started yeah I remember that and she started singing that love is just our age is just a number oh [ __ ] it's cuz she was [ __ ] r.kelly someone had her passports and chaozhong yeah wait is that the one that died yeah r.i.p yeah [ __ ] man definitely watch that yeah well there's a couple of things I don't get it like did they actually rehearse it cuz there's backup singers and they like they know yeah they're just like passport get your shots I saw this I was like yeah give you joy he's like Aladdin on the carpet right now he's literally like this is working like that yes this was probably before the internet was big is like nobody's having like this is a Disney ride potentially oh oh wow yeah that's my real Andy Don as you can by say daddy this is the ultimate now yeah look at the guy right there just think of what though [ __ ] that's hilarious you can see his face from behind he's so passionate if you're gonna do something I was gonna say that earlier on stop because we start talking with some else if you're gonna do something like the geez kroy's like be passionate about a man there's too much [ __ ] out there do that if you don't want to be [ __ ] doing what you're doing be the [ __ ] just cross guys that's what do it thou papers out getting a whole fight the holy war and and there's the enemy over there and get him gotta keep going I'm having too much fun I should stop but like I just saw this yeah this was [ __ ] stupidest [ __ ] okay so my theory okay so what we're looking at is the Monterey Bay Aquarium poster with a meme about a fat water no I think we've shown it here before no Dan have we talked about this before this is the first time I'm seeing that no I don't usually pay well so what happened was the Monterey Bay Bay Aquarium put this posted this they wrote a B as a thick girl they did this she chunk by the way is my favorite yeah especially that they pasted out that they [ __ ] space it out she Chah okay now and then they got heat because they were saying that it was like ethnic slang its Chong I don't know about that but I guess oh load she'd coming in thick girl I guess that's an F I think they I don't know I don't know but so and then so now they're apologizing so but it's all part of the same thread right but fascinates we said they never erased the original tweet yeah and body positivity positivity seriously though Abby's looking fit for one seriously though Abby really his chunk yeah she's chocolate spaced that out real a lot and then now here it begins this is the best come on I can't read it my throat is [ __ ] hey everyone it has come to our attention that some of the references in this tweet are problematic and insensitive we're posting here in the threads so that people who have engaged with this tweet will join us in our learning moment [ __ ] off if our tweet alienated you please know that we are deeply sorry and that we offer our sincerest apologies if you follow our food feed we often reference popular memes to talk about the ocean I mean in this case the memes used had connotations we were unaware of until now in particular seven terms look at this [ __ ] originated from african-american vernacular English hey V and specific reference black woman's bodies using them in a sea otter meme with that too it's making it worse you're making it worse we need to do better no you don't you're a [ __ ] aquarium you're an aquarium how about be better and let the animals go don't [ __ ] cage up lives Jesus Christ this is so [ __ ] stupid [ __ ] you Monterey Bay Aquarium I like you for apologizing our mission is to inspire conservation of the ocean we're thankful for your support as we try to advance that mission on social media we're also thankful for those pointing out our blind spots and how we can improve so here's my theory because they didn't erase the original tweet yeah it's the same person having a laugh yeah I I think that there's a notion that if you delete the tweet you're trying to cover up what you actually did and you need learn from it I think that's what it is it's erasing evidence yeah so I think that what they're doing I think some people think all you raised it you [ __ ] you know what I mean no matter what they do they're [ __ ] they even did like one of four to eight boards I like this is a novel yeah I'm gonna need you to I just like like is this the point where people are actually getting offended also sheet chunk yeah and let's let's let's not forget this she is charge think I mean she is chunk dude oh load she comes what I mean I love the fact that they were like they also how about if you care so much don't make your animals obese how about give them healthy there's a lot of before this happened other things should have happened all over the place but Lord is she karma did you see the PETA thing how they how they yeah we watch them can we show it because there's dicks no but it's okay here's what I want to do here's what I'm Nydia just tell somebody to blur it out I'm gonna make one I want to you watch it and then comment okay so it'll be like a reaction video yeah so we're not gonna show it come yeah did I close this word we're at the end here anyway so you know we've been to them link me that Dan you're talking about the the V the veggie dicks yes okay and it's so weird to see them tweeting like what has happened like the museum or an aquarium everyone's gotta have this sort of truth man all right so Chris here it is Aguila oh [ __ ] no no I can't show this I can't show this I can't show this really well take it off I can't buy my mouse huh Sheila show it on your laptop that's gonna be in dick you're gonna love this yeah I believe to convert people with this video yeah oh you don't have sound good time down you can play South Africa beer okay this is a PETA commercial yeah is it working oh yeah it's working on me Duke food I want to be in this Marshall but that guys look like such grease but like what guys I mean I guess hey guys what guys gonna do like eat a banana instead of that steak how many views is this kind of a big job probably a lot because of the half a million on the Facebook version I'm sure there's a ton on the YouTube - hey it's well done but I really like how they had the cilantro look at like pubes yeah that's how the same thing yeah very compel you know you're not gonna you're not gonna mean it's not gonna work people are gonna eat meat I want to eat meat when I watch that yeah you know what I literally was like okay I should eat something like that okay and then I thought oh but you know we'll be really good at burger right food makes me just think I'm the food yeah all right I'm done thank you for coming in yeah I warned Chris I said you know what dude I'm sick so if you don't want none of this aids you know I give you fair warning but Chris was a soldier he took the sword of truth he went on a holy war I said that enemies over there doesn't get his cross let's get him and he came in and I think I had such a great time yeah I was fun I'm such a huge fan so I love you guys man I'll come back whenever I'm Chris and your latest baby fantastic always on Netflix comedians of the world he's part of that series don't want you anyone else watch Chris first will say is the man on fire or in it's all there and of course please go watch him on tour he's hilarious you're gonna love have such a great time Chris D'Elia dot-com slash tour he's added shows because he's just sell him tickets like crazy because he's not eminem has recognized this man he's on a holy war booth the justices out and god his mom his side so get those tickets quick at crystally a.com slash tortfeasor salad out and right after this podcast it's the weekend go to Netflix or watching the damn [ __ ] Chris D'Elia or or Rob is to get in the papers on Nick and getting you your shot get your shot and get your passports there's a case to you are gonna travel but now yak with our Kelly Chris thank you for joining I had such a great time yeah yeah yeah sure I wish I could go longer I'm dying we'll do it again thank you guys for watching I hope you have a terrific weekend and a great week ahead and we will see you on Friday at our usual time regular which is now 1100 that's right is it now 11 about that about that time that is strange all right I'm gonna now not talk for the next few days thanks for watching I love you [Music] you

Channel: H3 Podcast

Views: 862,150

Rating: 4.8305459 out of 5

Keywords: chris delia, chris d'elia, delia, d'elia, h3h3productions, h3h3, h3, h3 podcast, h3h3 podcast, ethan klein, hila klein, ethan, hila

Id: hWauSy4epQM

Length: 87min 6sec (5226 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 10 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/Herrohansblix]

People can think he’s unfunny, there’s a difference between being offended by something or just think something isnt that funny. I didn’t think he was that funny and he didn’t sound like him

[u/exBossxe]

of course he gets on his knees, you know how much free publicity he got from that tweet?