- She looked up, she was like, "Sorry if I ain't doin' a good job." "I don't even really suck dick.
I'm a lesbian." I was like, "Oh, shit. Crack is addictive." [dark electronic music] - Welcome to
"This Is Not Happening." I'm Roy Wood Jr. We all come from somewhere,
from someone, who nurtures us, protects us, and teaches us. - Ah! [silverware clattering] - Some are better at it
than others. ♪ ♪ [girl giggling] ♪ ♪ - Ow! [cheers and applause] ByronBowersLive.com
is his website. He is Byron Bowers. [cheers and applause] - I'ma tell you about a very
important day in my life. The day I found out my dad
smoked crack. So now I'm a young dude, couple years into my teens. Naive. I ain't even cursed then. I still prayed before every
meal. It's back when prayers
were short. Remember when you was young,
how short prayers were? Before life kicked in and you
needed to pray for more shit? Back then, you know? Wholesome young man. Went to visit my dad,
Athens, Georgia. I remember getting that
phone call. I got excited, 'cause I ain't seen my dad
in two years. He was in a mental institution. He just got out. He was about to put the world
on his ass. He was like, "Yo, I'm out.
Let's kick it." I got excited.
Went to Athens, Georgia. You know, we just got this
brand-new coupe, Cougar, blue. It was dope as fuck. Plush.
Smelled like cigarettes. It was used as hell. But it don't matter 'cause he
was fresh out of the mental home,
you know? I remember when I seen the
coupe, I was like, "This shit about to be dope." He made plans. Any time I make plans,
a man make plans to kick it with his kids,
that's special. "Hey, you want to go get
something to eat? "We're gonna go to the movies. "If you go to sleepy early, I'm
gonna go get my some [mumbles] You know?" You know when dudes talk low
like that, that's when all the fun shit
happens? Like, "I'ma drop you off,
'cause I'm about to go get me some [mumbles]" When dudes start
talking in Wingdings, you know when these...
[mumbles] "Let me tell you what the
fuck we about to get into, nigga." Went in his pocket, pulled out
$30, gave it to me. I was like, "Oh, shit.
This nigga doing it." I ain't never had $30 before.
You know what I mean? That's a lot of money for a
nigga to just give somebody. That's how I felt.
Just gave me $30. He doing it.
Two bills! A 20 and a 10! I was on top of the world. I put that shit in my pocket.
Poof! Gone, disappeared. We get in the car, about to go, all of a sudden, I see this
zombie walking down the street. Like, he just got bit.
Like, a fresh zombie bite. Like, he still walk a little
bit, but he's just got a limp. Not full zombie, but he like,
"Ehh." But, like, like,
you know, this was before I knew
what a drug fiend was. You know, a guys just was
stumbling like, "Uh, boy, help me.
Get off the street." He was one of those guys. "Hey, Don!"
Dad like, "Yo, what's up, man?" "Hey, run me up to the street!" "No, man, I can't run you up
to the street today. "I got my son with me. We supposed to go to
the movies." "Man, come on, man,
run me up the street "to shorty's house. "You know we going to get some of that motherfuckin'
[mumbles]." And I was like, "Oh, shit." Any time, you know, you were a
young kid and a adult come, you like, oh,
start to get a little jealous 'cause, you know whatever
they Wingdinging over there can get--throw me out the game. So we hop in the car, we go
around the corner, right, a place called Rock Springs. The projects.
But I ain't know at first. I saw the buildings, I was
like, "Nigga, is this the projects?" That's what my instincts said. And that's some real shit. Ain't nobody instincts
politically correct. That motherfucker tell you
straight like it is. "Nigga, is this the projects?" I don't care what nationality
you is. You see something sketchy, your
instincts are gonna be like, "Nigga, that motherfucker
a rapist." We went into this house
next to the projects. Scary house. One of the houses where
everything made noise when you got inside. Everything was scary. The door...
[imitates creaking] The floor...
[imitates creaking] The rug...
[imitates crunching] The light was dim; the light
was scared to go in that bitch. The light was creeping in like, "What y'all nigga doing in
here?" And I'm like,
"Man, get in there! I need you to see!" "Come on in!"
That's what the lady said. Come on in! The door...
[imitates creaking] Lady in the kitchen, cooking. Dope. Crack. I don't know if you ever
smelled crack before, but it smell like
aluminum foil tastes. You ever taste aluminum foil? Never? You never, like, tried to get,
like, a fake grill and put aluminum foil
in your mouth? So you can stunt on them hoes? Like, nigga.
Nigga. You ain't never did that? Just put that shit in your
mouth and be like, "Nigga." Okay. Anyway, you know what I mean,
you got that taste to it. You taste it in the air like,
"Oh, shit." You know something wrong, even as a youth. That lady turn around. She was like, what, all y'all
three of y'all want something? Dad was like, "No,
this is my son." And I was like, "Oh, shit, how
fucked up do I look... Where she think I'm one of
these dudes?" That's when I was over it. I'm like, "Man, I need to get
out of here." And I looked, and there was
a back door open, and it had a basketball
right outside. And in the projects, they had
a basketball court. So that was my excuse. It's like the universe was
telling me, "Get the fuck outta here." So I was like, "Hey, Dad, I'm
gonna go play basketball." He was like, "Hey, why don't
you go play basketball," like it was his idea,
like he thought of it. So I grabbed the ball,
and I go outside, and it was scary as shit, because I had to cross the
threshold into the projects. And if you don't live in the
projects, you don't got no business
in the goddamn projects. And the only people I knew that
lived in the projects, one of 'em died. So who the fuck I'ma yell for? So I tried to be tough,
walking in the projects to go shoot basketball,
but guess what. I can't play
goddamn basketball. I sucked at basketball! Got cut from everything
I tried out for. And people looking at me like,
"Who the fuck this nigga?" That's what they do
when you walk in any hood and they don't know you.
Like, "Who the fuck is this motherfucker with
these little ass shorts on?" I shoot a ball,
air ball, miss. I just watch
the ball just miss, and I'm like, "Oh, shit, I'm
about to get my ass whupped." I'm out there trying to shoot.
I'm nervous. Any time somebody make a move,
I'm doing this. All the sudden, my dad come
outside, "Hey, hey, "what's up, man?
Oh, you playing basketball. Let me see that ball."
Pang! He missed. But he didn't give a fuck
about playing basketball. He just turned to me and
I saw the look in his eyes and it was intense.
It was intense. I ain't even recognize him.
He was like, "Hey, man. You got that $20 I gave you?" And I was like, "Shit." Yeah, I got it, but that shit
was deep. I'm not used to having $30. I'm giving this dude 75%
of my money. I don't even know if it's 75%, 'cause I ain't never had 30
goddamn dollars before to even do the math! And I reached in; now that shit
was so folded so tight, like, them last two pieces
of toilet paper. You know how you fold
that shit? It was deep.
Like, I had to unfold it to see what it is. I was like, "Yeah, here it is
right here." And he was like,
"All right, I'll be back." And he just, like... Just danced his ass away.
You know what I mean? And I'm feeling bad now, 'cause I'm like,
"Man, I missed dinner." I was like, "All right,
we still go to the movies." You know what I mean? Still, I'm out there bricking
the ball, boom. People going around, I'm
talking to 'em a little bit, nervous as fuck. My dad come back
ten minutes later. "Hey, man, you got
that other ten?" I was like, "No. No, I must've dropped
that shit." You know what I mean?
[laughs] He's like, "All right,
all right. I'll be back.
You good? You good?" And then he left, right? He left, and I was like, "Man,"
it started to hit me, like, "Man, I think my dad
on drugs. Man, if he was on drugs,
that would be fucked up." Like, I'm about to miss
a movie now. I done drove an hour. Damn, I ain't going to get to
see "Addams Family Values." You know what I mean? I shoot a shot, just as I miss,
just as I air-ball it, you see the ball-- and I see the blue Cougar
just drive off. And I'm like, "Oh, fuck. "This nigga just left me in
the projects. By myself." And the loneliness and
the abandonment that came over me during that time, Fucked me up. Like, I'll never forget it. Life-changing, because that was
a moment for me where someone was like,
"You gotta do something with your life." You got to check the fuck
outta here. Whoever is responsible for you
is gone. It's up to you now. You got to do what the fuck you
gotta do to get out this situation. And... I ain't have no self-esteem because he just took it
to the pawn shop. Cut to four year later, partial basketball scholarship and I'm selling crack cocaine. Like, 18 years old. And I ain't the best coke
dealer, you know what I mean? 'Cause the person--my OG
keep calling, sending me on weird-ass jobs. Get a phone call, like,
"Hey, man, "this chick want some rocks,
but she ain't got no money, "so I want you take her and let
her suck your dick. Want you to give her
two rocks." I was like, "All right,
I'll do that shit." Fuck these junkies. But it was all out of anger,
because my dad was a junkie. You know what I mean? So I ain't give a fuck about
no other junkies out there. So I'm getting my dick sucked in a Honda Accord behind a grocery store. And it's weird. It's weird.
It's a weird moment. How the fuck did I get here? And it was even more weird
for her. You know what I mean?
She looked up, she was like, "Sorry if I ain't
doing a good job." "I don't even really suck dick.
I'm a lesbian." I was like, "Oh, shit. Crack is addictive." Crack is addictive. I thought it was on the person
that smoked the crack. No, this shits gets a hold on
you. That's a powerful ass drug. And I can't come. That's a tough situation. But I'ma tell you why, 'cause when I looked up,
it's a park right there. And at that park,
in that basketball court, is a father and son
playing basketball. And I'm getting
my dick sucked in this Honda Accord,
trying not to cry... A father and son playing
goddamn basketball! That could have been my life. And I can't even look up or
down, so I'm just looking out the
window, trying to find some inspiration
so I can finish. And seeing that father and son
play ball, I've recognized something
that no matter how much money I made selling crack
or how successful I got, I never could buy the thing
that I wanted, which was the bond of
a father and son, together. And that was one of
the last moments, you know what I mean, that I decided to sell crack. I came though. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ - Byron Bowers, everybody. Byron Bowers!
