<i> - So people stopped
that had no business.</i> There was a guy digging in the
trash. He was like, "Who the bitch?"
[laughter] There was somebody in the store
that popped his head out like, "Who the bitch?" One dude was riding a bike
minding his business. Scrrrr!
"Who the bitch? Hold on." "Let me get off the bike and
park this motherfucker. I need to see who the bitch
is." <i> [dark electronic music]</i> - [indistinct shouting]
- Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? - Come on. Move. Come on.
- What? What's going on? - Come on.
- This is not happening. [rapid gunfire] No, no. What... I'm--I'm your host. I'm your host, Roy Wood Jr. - Come on. - Ahh, ahh. - Augh! - [groans] [glass shattering] [panting] <i> ♪ ♪</i> Mm...ahh! <i> [bones crunching]</i> [cheers and applause] You can catch him on the
Netflix series "Disjointed." Give it up for Chris Redd. <i> [cheers and applause]</i> - I'm from Chicago, man,
you know, where I was raised mostly. There's a big gang culture,
don't know if you heard, and growing up, man, I looked
up to, like, the wrong kind of people,
'cause I was just, like, one of those guys who wanted to
fit in with what I thought was cool, and who I looked up
to was gangsters, man, gangsters and pimps. They were the coolest people to
me, man. They had, like, cars and shit,
right, with women, money. They the coolest outfits. Pimps had the limp, and I'm
like, "Are they hurtin'? "Naw, nigga. That's just swag." You know what I mean? And it was cool to me, man. I sort of looked up to that. My big cousin, he was, like,
the head of some gangsters, and it was so cool to watch
him do shit, and I was like, "I want to be
down with that," and I liked fighting too. I loved to watch fighting, but
I didn't know how. I had never been in a fight. The most I had ever done at
this point was be in the mirror like, "Whoa, whoa.." [laughter] If that fist come, I'm gonna be
like, "No." You're just stupid, 'cause you
don't know how fast fists move. Fists move fast. I don't know if anybody has
ever been hit. But it moves fast, and then
another one comes right after like, "This is my brother." You know what I mean?
Like, it's crazy. But I'm--this--my story is
about how I lost my first two fights trying to
be down. And I remember it like it was
yesterday, because, you know, we all remember the things that
depress us the most. [laughter] I remember when my cousins,
they parked their cars outside and walked up to my
house, and they were like, "Yo, Chris, you want to walk to
the corner store with us?" And my cousin, real thug, 6'5",
tattoos all over the place, tattoo tear in his face. He's not a killer.
He's just a crier. But the nigga is real, you
know. And he was hanging out with
so many gangsters, like, six other dudes, and they were
all gangsters that everybody knew, and they wanted me to
walk to the store with them. And I'm like, "Hell, yeah,
dawg; I'ma walk." And I was so excited and
terrified, because these were dangerous
people. And I don't know if you've
walked somewhere with somebody you scared of, but you don't walk
like a normal person. I know it's one foot in front
of the other. I know how walking works. But when you're around somebody
carrying a pistol bigger than your head, you
start thinking about shit, so I'm walking the streets,
like, one and two and one and two and one and two
and... "What's up, dawg?" I'm saying "What's up?"
to people I don't know. My cousin's smacking my head
now. "Stop speaking to people you
don't know, nigga. What's wrong with you?"
And then his friend was like, "Yo, what's wrong with your
cuz?" He's like, "He retarded.
He's only..." [laughter] So I finally got cool, right? I finally got comfortable. And it was a long--long walk,
so I finally, like, "Oh, man, I'm walking with the
coolest guys "in the neighborhood, man. I'm on my quest to be a
gangster." That's right.
I was on a quest... [laughter] To be a gangster.
That's what I wanted to be. And then as--right before we
get to the corner store, right, this guy--he was about 20 years
old; I was 14 at the time-- he walked right into me full
shoulder, pow, right in the middle of my
chest, boom, hit me, right? And I knew he did it on
purpose. But see, I have two parents. I was raised right, so
initially, I wanted to be like, "Excuse
me," but I... [laughter] I felt like this wasn't the
right environment for manners, motherfucker. So I--so I didn't say that, but
what I did say was, "Huh!" Which is not better. I was like a weak-ass James
Brown. You know what I'm saying? "Huh. You gonna push me?
Huh." [laughter] And--and that sound was very
loud. The guy was confused, and he
thought I had said something, so he turned around, and he
said, "What the hell you say, bitch?" Now, we're outside on the south
side of Chicago. There's a bunch of people all
around, and when somebody says "bitch"
like that in the hood, everyone stops to
see who the bitch is, you know? [laughter] 'Cause it--and so people
stopped that had no business. There was a guy digging in the
trash. He was like, "Who the bitch?" [laughter] There was somebody in the store
that popped his head out like, "Who the bitch?" One dude was riding a bike
minding his business. Scrrrr!
"Who the bitch? Hold on." "Let me get off the bike and
park this motherfucker. I need to see who the bitch
is." [laughter] My cousins, they were not
phased at all. They just looked at me, 'cause
all of those gangsters knew they weren't the bitch. [laughter] And I was like, "Holy shit. "I've never talked shit to
somebody "in front of people before in
public. This is my first time dealing
with this." So I was like, "That is not my name." [laughter] That is not the way to talk to
a grown gangster with an alligator tattooed on
his face. [laughter] I said that shit as if I was
gonna pull out my ID like, "Look, my name is Christopher
Jarell Redd. And ain't no 'bitch' in there,
so..." [laughter] I--I could tell it wasn't the
right way to respond to this man by his face. He was confused. He was like, "The fuck--what
the..." The alligator on his face was
confused with him. And he slapped my hand, right,
'cause I was pointing at him. And he smacked my hand. Now, what I wanted to do was
be like... You know what I'm saying? I wanted to do something cool,
but what came out was, "Mm." "That ain't hurt." Which it did. And you could visually tell it
hurt, because my face said, "Ohh." [laughter] And he was like, "Yo, never
mind all this shit, man. I'm about to fuck you up." And then I was like, "Oh, no,
no. No." [laughter] I say that in my head.
I was like, "No." But I realized I hadn't spoken
yet, and my cousin was like, "Dawg,
you got to prove yourself in front of all these
gangsters." So I knew I had to say
something, right, so I was like, "Ahh...
that is not the outcome," which is terrible. That is not how you respond to
people. I said that shit like I had some type of bar graph behind
me. "If you look here, this is you,
this is me, "this is the outcome,
and they're very different. Class dismissed." I knew it wasn't enough, 'cause
my cousin was looking at me like, "What the fuck is wrong
with you?" He didn't say that, but his
eyes said it. His eyes was like... [laughter] So I knew I had to follow it
up, so I was like, "You know what?
I'm not good at this. "I'm gonna just say what he
said, 'cause it sounded real
good, and..." So I was like, "No, I'ma fuck
you"-- and before I could say "up"... [laughter] He hit me directly in my
throat. [laughter] Like, direct--it was a direct
line to my throat. My Adam's apple checked out,
nigga. It--I don't know if you've been
hit directly in your throat, but a couple of things happen. For one, your throat says,
"Fuck it," and it just closes forever. Your spit is, like, gets
suicidal. It's like, "Good-bye, I don't
need to be in the mouth." Dawg, I got hit so hard in my
throat that I had a limp, and that is
not how science works. I was like, "Ooh, nigga, I'm a
pimp now. I'm halfway to my goal." [laughter] It made no sense, and I farted
a little bit. I did.
I farted... [laughter] Yo, I've never been hit so hard
I fart. I mean, but my throat was
closed, so the air had to go somewhere. I don't know. IT was very embarrassing, man. But what was more embarrassing
is, this was outside, man, so people from across the
street saw a very different fight than the fight that went
down. You know what I mean? They're like, "Yo, yo, dawg,
what happened over there, bro? That was crazy over there.
What happened?" "All right, so let me tell you. "So--so the bigger dude was
like, "'I'ma fuck you up,' right? And for whatever reason..." [laughter] "The little dude was like,
'I'ma fuck you.'" [laughter] "Like, why would you say that? "So the bigger dude hit him in
the throat, "saved his asshole for another
day. You know what I'm saying?" And that was the story that
went around the hood for, like, six months at least. And I was like, "That's not how
it went down." My cousin was very embarrassed. He had a reputation to
maintain. And I got my ass whupped before
the whole hood. He grabbed me and took me home
under my arm. There's no way to keep your
masculinity when you being grabbed under your arm by a
grown man." I'm like, "Let me go!"
He was like, "Make me." I'm like, "You know I can't,"
you know. [laughter] Don't be...
[laughs] So he threw me in the house.
You know what I mean? He was like "Chris, stay out
these goddamned streets. "This shit ain't for you, dawg,
all right? "Go to school
Be somebody. "But this shit ain't for you. "You got hit directly in your
throat, nigga, and you farted in front of
everybody." [laughter] And I was like, "Yo, keep it
down." "From who, nigga?
Everybody saw it." [laughter] And then he closed the door,
and I was like, "No, I've got to avenge
myself," but he was gone already. And usually, you know, when
something like that happens, you're like, "You know what?
This isn't for me. He's right. I'ma go--I'ma go do something
else." But I was a hardheaded kid with
goals. And I was like, "You know what? "I'm gonna learn how to fight. "I'm gonna redeem myself. This is what I'm about to do." So the whole year until they
asked me to fight again, I was practicing, or I was just
fighting friends. We would just be boxing and
wrestling in the yard and shit getting my hands up. I would watch Bruce Lee,
because I didn't know what a boxing class was yet. Bruce Lee was the baddest
motherfucker around, dawg. You watch his tapes, he was
beating 15 people at the same time, people waiting in line to get
their ass whupped by Bruce Lee, and I was like,
"Hell yeah. I want to be that good."
I would practice all his moves. And I was like, "Yo, whenever I
get in a fight again, I'm gonna be ready." And it was a year later when my
cousin asked me to come fight
with them, right? He was like, "Yo, I heard from
a couple people, man, "that you got some hands now;
you've been in some fights. "Listen, we've got to handle
some shit, man, "me and some other dudes;
you want to ride with us?" I was like, "Hell, yeah, man, 'cause I got to redeem
myself." And my cousin was like, "Don't
ever say that again." [laughter] "Nigga, you are not a coupon." [laughter] And he was right.
I'm not a coupon. I'm...he's very right about
that. [laughs] So I jumped in the truck,
and it was me, my cousin, and the five other
dudes that was with us when I got my ass whupped the
first time, so most of the conversation was
about how I got my ass whupped the first time, which sucks, 'cause they're like, "And this
bitch-ass nigga..." I'm like, "I'm right here,
and I have a name." At one point, I was like, "Hey,
y'all, this isn't good for morale,"
and they didn't know what... [laughter] And they didn't know what
"morale" meant. They...they thought it was a
chick that wasn't giving me no
pussy. So then they started talking
shit about that for ten minutes
like, "Oh, morale ain't givin' this
nigga no pussy. Ahh." I'm like, "Man, I wish y'all
didn't drop out of eighth grade." But I just let it happen. Wasn't nothing I could do. Now, in Chicago, we used to
fight in these, like, old lots or these old fields so
that police wouldn't lock you up for, you know,
extended amounts of time, like they do black people in
America, so we could fight and then go
home. You know what I'm saying?
It's before, like, shooting. Well, there was still shooting,
but these guys would fight it out, right? And so we rolled up to this
field. It was my first time being in
this field and shit, right? And I'm looking around.
He's like, "Get out the car." And the Sun is set, and there's
flowers. I'm like, "Yo, this is a
romantic place "to get your ass whupped. Why are we fighting on an R.
Kelly set? I don't want to get knocked out
and fall in love, nigga." I didn't say--this was all in
my head, though. I wasn't saying nothing.
I learned from my mistakes. I was like, "I'm not gonna--
I'm not gonna say nothing. I'm gonna be tough the whole
time." So I was grabbing my dick way
longer than I should. I'm just walking around like,
"Yo, what's good?" At one point, the gangsters was
like, "Yo, what's wrong with your
dick?" "Nothin', nigga." And I slowly...
[laughs] He was like, "You've got to
make sure it's there?" I'm like, "Shut the fuck up." [laughs] So we waited; it's me and six
other dudes, right? Now, two cars pull up, right,
two four-door Sedans. There was 20 dudes in these two
four-door Sedans. And I don't know if y'all do
math quick, but 20 dudes cannot fit
comfortably in two four-door Sedans. That meant that these gangsters
rolled to this gang fight lapped up, which is not a
gangster way to travel. That means that y'all were
riding like, "Yo, we gonna fuck 'em up. "You know what I'm saying,
dawg? You know what I'm saying?" And the dude's like, "Yeah,
yeah, but can you lift your butt, 'cause you thick, dawg. Why you twerkin' on me, cuz?" 20 dudes.
Y'all didn't have one more car? [laughter] But I ain't say nothin'. And they pulled up. 20 dudes clown-car'd out the
fuckin' cars. And they stretched along this
field. The Sun was behind them, and
for a split second, I was like, "Are these niggers
the heroes?" 'Cause..."
[laughter] "They look like the heroes of
the story." But I ain't sayin' nothin',
man. And as they walked towards us,
everybody was doing their-- whatever they do. I was sitting there holding
my dick. I think I was holding it with
two hands, which is so weird to do. [laughter] Like, "Don't kick me here,"
you know. Then the guy in the middle,
he was like, "Yeah, man, hey, yo, we about
to fuck y'all"-- and before he could say "up,"
I was like, "Not again." I ran. Which had to be weird for the
guys, here me say "Not again." 'Cause that--'cause who does
that? Who does that ever in life? "Not again." But I ran so fast. Everybody was shouting, like,
"Where's he going?" You know what I mean?
They all had questions. I ran up to the guy in the
middle. I jumped, and I realized he's
very tall. So I had to--so I had to bring
it up here, bow, and I swung, and I hit, and I
connected to his chin, right. Now, hitting somebody when they
don't deserve it, it's an asshole thing to do, but when you hit somebody
that's trying to kill you, ooh, it feels great, and I was
like, "Oh!" Fireworks went off in my head.
It was amazing. I was like, "I'm the king of
everything." I saw his spit fly. I was like, "I know what that's
like," you know? [laughter] It was a solid punch, man,
you know, It was great, and I was
celebrating. I'm like, "Yeah, I'm finally a
gangster." In my mind I'm saying this, and
as I'm saying this, four fists hit me at the same
time. And I don't know if you've been
hit in unison, but the shit hurts a lot. One felt like it came from God
like, "You shouldn't be here." You know, like...
[laughter] And as I got hit, at the same
time, I yelled out, "Y'all are supposed to wait,
like Bruce Lee." Like, that's... [laughter] Yeah, I yelled that dumb shit
out, yeah. Yeah. And I fell to the ground. I think I knocked out for about
30, 40 seconds, right? I came to, my face fuckin'
hurtin', pulsating everywhere,
but I looked around, and I noticed that nobody was
fighting, because everybody was laughing
at what the fuck I just said. [laughter] This grown gangsters holding
guns like, "This nigga thinks he's Bruce
Lee. Ahh!" Yo, they're reenacting what
just happened like, "Who am I? Ahh!" Have you ever seen a good
conversation, and you try to laugh your way
into it? That's what I did with this.
I'm like, "Ha-ha-ha, right? That was crazy, huh?" They pushed me away like, "Shut
your bitch-ass up. Ahh!" And after ten minutes of them
laughing at me, pointing, laughing, reenacting,
and laughing, the gangster from the other
gang was like, "You know what, dawg? Ooh, yo, that was--that was
funny as hell." [laughter] "Hey, dawg, you know what? I forgot what the fuck we was
fighting about." [laughter] "Hey, dawg, let's go to
McDonald's, grab some food, "go get some drinks, man, and
just chill, and let's talk about your
cousin some more, nigga." [laughter] And all I'm saying is, "I'm
bringing communities together, so what the fuck are y'all
doing?" [cheers and applause] My name is Chris Redd.
Thank y'all so much. <i> [dark electronic music]</i> <i> - Chris Redd.</i> <i> Oh, man.</i>
