Ali Siddiq ‐ The Trip: Downing a Bag of Mushrooms - This Is Not Happening

i say billy all right billy the mushrooms i'm about to be a white man billy the mushrooms take it off my collar wash them with hello billy bill i got the michael jackson welcome to um [Music] this is not happening i'm your host roy wood jr oh [Music] tonight's episode is all about you know this brother from his comedy central album damaged goods he's my friend from texas give it up for ali siddique [Music] okay this will happen so i was taping this exact show last season and ari comes into the green room and he's giving out bags of mushrooms and i'm thinking okay art knows i'm a vegetarian so i'm like okay mushrooms perfect love mushrooms but i'm being very naive because i'm thinking california has everything vegetarian like ooh mushroom chips never had them before so i just see the bag mushrooms i just gobbled them down boom mushrooms gone ari comes back like yo ali with your mushrooms like i ate them they would they needed some salt but they was you know all right and he was like no no it's not gonna be all right i'm like [Laughter] and and and i'm very like really naive to this i'm like yo man it's mushrooms how bad could it be it's like just mushrooms like i had mushrooms before he's like not like this i'm like you crazy i eat mushrooms all the time in meatloaf and pizzas mushrooms dude what are we talking about here and aria's looking at me like yo dude listen and this is what i knew it was bad that's when i knew that was different because i'm a grown man and if you grab my head i'm probably going to beat you up but alright grab my he like listen to me was very intense it was like a lot of eye contact like i'm like what he's like do not use your phone cause something's going to happen to you later and be in a safe place and i was like your damn hands off me why you got to be in a safe place after you eat mushrooms dude get out of here so being very juvenile so i leave the show with this comic named billy sorrells he's like yo you going to get something to eat i'm like nah i just ate some mushroom chips i'm good [Laughter] but i go with you so we leave and he goes to get some chicken and i'm he's like he wants i'm like no i'm just sitting the car and just sitting and i'm wait on you to come back and as i'm sitting there the mushrooms are back and i didn't really know what was happening and like i was sitting in this car and the city took a picture of me i was sitting there minding my own business i was like what nah [Laughter] i don't think that's supposed to happen but it's going to be two times in this story that i'm being very very arrogant and this is the first time this is the first time being very cause i'm thinking well i did just finish taping a tv show maybe the paparazzi is after me so another flash i look out the window there's no people so if there's no people there's no paparazzi so i'm like nah that's crazy it's too much flashing going on and then the car shook and i guess when you're on mushrooms your mind never does anything like low to the ground it everything is expand so i'm thinking okay the car shook i said oh i'm in california it's an earthquake so i jump out the car so i'm out the car and usually i don't i know i don't stand up straight most of the time because this is me standing up straight i don't know why this feels uncomfortable to me standing straight up so i usually slouch a little bit and that's probably what happened but this is what my mind was at so i'm standing there and i'm like maybe like this and i'm like i'm getting smaller for somebody it's very tiny so mushroom mine says you ain't quicksand so i jump back in the car because i don't want to go down in the quick state with my regular body i'd rather go down in a car okay so i call billy i say hey billy [Music] listen to me man the paparazzi is after me there's an earthquake happening and apparently you parked your car by quicksand [Laughter] billy says stay where you are i'm coming i'm saying i'm in quicksand not going anywhere [Laughter] so i'm gonna tell you if you have a friend that's on mushrooms let me tell you how not to approach your vehicle billy's coming to the car like this bad move billy because he's looking in the window and i keep turning away like is somebody trying to kidnap me i call billy i say billy hurry up someone's trying to take me he said it is me i said who is me we could have left long time ago he prolonged this about 15 minutes 15 minutes i let billy in his car and he's like yo look i'ma get you back to your hotel when you get to the hotel don't talk to nobody just go to your room so i'm staying at the lows so he pulls into the lows i get out and walk straight into the lows straight into the elevator i'm in the elevator for 20 minutes it's a painting in the elevator and i'm just so interested it's nice i'm it's so it's i'm like this is crazy so i'm in the elevator and the door opens because i don't realize that i'm in elevate so the door opens i turn around and see this lady i say hey ma'am what are you doing in my room she said this is the elevator what floor are you going to i say i'm on six she was on four i was on six she gets off the elevator she said are you gonna be okay i say ma'am i'm going to six i get to the sixth floor i'm in the elevator for another eight minutes because i don't know if you know at the lows the the um the carpet is real colorful and it's stitched in a wavy pattern and when you own mushrooms you don't need no more colors and you don't need nothing wavy so i got the door open i'm doing this for eight minutes that's wet that's wet i know that's wet it is wet so now i got mad cause i'm like what type of establishment puts a damn [ __ ] pool on the sixth floor i get back on the elevator go back to the front desk and say hey what type of establishment puts a [ __ ] pool on the sixth floor the lady said are you high i said no and got right back because i've decided that i'm gonna swim to my room [ __ ] it so i'm on the sixth floor doing one of the most amazing freestyles you ever want to see so right before my flip turn i end up at my room [Laughter] so i get into my room and i know the mushrooms are affecting me because it's how i close the door i close the door like this in my mind if the mushrooms on the other side of the door they cannot get in to keep bothering me so i'm in my room and i'm thinking okay this this this mushroom thing got to be over got to be over soon got to be over oh no it's just starting so i'm in my room and i'm trying to be cool i'm like okay all right all right it's a lot going on in my head so i'm watching tv and this and this is this beautiful lawn on tv just catches my eye i'm like oh look at the grass and then this evil lawnmower comes and mows all the grass down like oh no don't do that to the grass i'm going through a lot i'm going through a lot i'm like yo man i gotta man it's crazy yo i'm talking to myself i'm like yo listen listen calm down this is when you know that you're too high when you're trying to get yourself together like this [ __ ] get it together i'm like i kept telling myself get together like no i'm too weak to get it together y'all say you know something this is what this is what always works i'm gonna go i'm gonna wash my face wash my face what i'm gonna do wash my face cause washing your face always gets you together but that's that's a mushroom mistake that's a mushroom mistake because i went into the bathroom and cut the light on and that a mirror [ __ ] attacked me so i'm looking in the mirror and it's too much man cause my face one side of my face is like it was slumped down like i had bell palsy and the other side was normal i kept doing this look at that oh look at that so i say you know something i gotta calm i gotta calm down i'ma wash my face let me let me let me go back in the store i left the recording and they put makeup on your face to make it look smooth and whatnot didn't wash my face before i left but i don't remember that because i'm on mushrooms so i washed my face and looked down at that towel and saw all that brown in that towel i called bill i say billy all right billy the mushrooms i'm about to be a white man billy mushroom was taking out my color i'm washing my hell out billy bill i got the michael jackson i'm in the middle i'm in the mirror for 30 minutes doing this [ __ ] [Laughter] i'm going through a lot man and i knew i was going through too much because i got scared got scared and when you get scared you got to call on person that you think care about you i call my mama i called mama called my mom this was this is the second time that i was being arrogant i called my mom and said hey listen to me do not judge me i am in california in a hotel room and i'm on mushrooms and she say why what's wrong i say i'm scared mama listen cause a lot of famous people that died in hotel rooms in california okay mama pimp c died in the hotel room i said mama whitney houston died in a hotel room in california my momma said well you ain't got nothing to worry about cause you ain't famous i said whatever lady and this is when you start to learn things about your parents my mama said with the calmest voice she said i told her i said hey i need to calm down she said well you need to drink some milk [Laughter] and i hung up on my mama i said you don't know and i hung up then i called ari the person who gave me the mushrooms i said all right i'm in a hotel room and i'm losing it i said i need to calm down and with the calmest voice i already said you need to drink some milk so i called my mama back as soon as she answered the phone i said hey junkie that's it that was my story on mushrooms everybody

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 5,658,436

Rating: 4.9189639 out of 5

Keywords: Ali Siddiq, This Is Not Happening, Ali Siddiq stand up, Ali Siddiq comedian, Ali Siddiq this is not happening, comedy central, This isn't happening, roy wood jr, storytelling, Ari Shaffir, mushrooms, shrooms, drugs, high, psychedelic, Billy Sorrells, hallucinations, quicksand, earthquake, elevator, mirror, white people, moms, famous, stand up comedy, Comedy Central stand up, stand up comedians, funny stand up comedians, comedians, best stand up comedians, bad trip stories, hotel

Id: v1fsR4inAhg

Length: 15min 21sec (921 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 30 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Why does no one remember joey diaz dosing ppl? That cock sucka used to dose everyone with edibles. I think he gave yoshi 5 edible Banana breads one time.

[u/Bywater]

So fucking good.

[u/Wyattlightning87]

HAHAHA I DID TOO MABY DRUGS ONE TIME I'M A COMIC