Bryan Callen & The Act of Faith | TigerBelly 88

[Music] I got [ __ ] hammer head goes up five four three two [Music] hey Mexican stop playing with my dog you [ __ ] Island Mexican Puerto Rico let's start over do the countdown again I can't [ __ ] five for your street too [Music] Oh welcome to I'm this I'm the king of it I'm the smut King everyone knows that every when I walk I leave golden footprints you can't see them but they're there we have um today we got my girlfriend Khalil Oh kalila we got Dilbert we got Richard Marie Ramirez the [ __ ] serial killer back here on [ __ ] camera but we have a very special guest today I've been look don't say anything yet [ __ ] don't OD I know that's the music is that in your head but just let me just write don't then the viewing chick took what anyway god yeah don't jump the gun to guns junk here's a Balkan birth everything that everything at comedy oh yeah what'd I say man let me introduce you first okay it's got a did would I or at home on am you out of all the comedian's I've ever met my life there's people that are great on stage there's a lot of those this guy's one of them but he is the most intrinsically funny guys I've ever met offstage he's so funny nice handsome his body is off the [ __ ] chain and he comes from family money family money the Kalends are like the Rockefeller that's right you [ __ ] poppers happen people um you went today because the medical community went to analyze his body and his bones are made of adamantium steel that's right and I came back and maltose yeah um he died and came back immortal I'm never gonna die yeah he's a great guy Bryan Callen everybody give him a round of applause to top the beer I just gave you a series of compliments can you give me a couple please thank you um I think you are I honestly is the best the best student to come out of my workshop in the Batman Rock your classes were so expensive yeah but I mean I may be a batter and a pop Wow he didn't even show up so for the first three when out there there's no one at each it online but today yeah there's a lot of hands-on Ross County where I level and I took it's like Scientology get to be in there for a year I am right there's levels right and I finally got to meet him after the eighth year of teaching the class and it came in in April cloak no I'm right and much taller in person everybody yeah he was completely naked super approachable yeah and there was like a layer of crystals or something on a dick so everyone's called venereal warts ah bobbin anyway those are good classes but you are so what about the compliments you gave me nothing I think you're thank you come on I keep my what I'm saying I know but I can do it fixable I know well you know I love to some of them bit of an Imagine so I look over II are those commenters that the Truitt's some of its hidden truth there's no truth in which news dude yeah thank you you know I I it's rare that you're astonished by a comedian and I was at Moontower and I watched Dana Gould do a seven-minute set and I ran up to when I went you're the best comic in the world and he goes oh that's not so I don't know it is true and I'm right about this he writes the greatest like jokes will you go [ __ ] yeah like it's a sty it's nice to be astonished at my age like I appreciate it in 1989 when I was high school we had gotten cable and at like 2:00 in the morning Dana Gould is his first special on Showtime it was about suicide and how he wants to kill himself it literally was he's amazing and I ran into him at the Burbank Airport and he had no idea where the [ __ ] I was but that's fine you know who I was I've been in the business a long time he didn't know who you were he'll think so but it doesn't matter he's just oh yeah he cares he's just so good he shouldn't know who I am he's just keep writing and being the savant that I know but Brian you're good to friends yeah I guess people laugh super hard but you know what like how do you feel about this like oh it seems to me that like I watched Dave Chappelle right yeah who's very gutsy and been doing it forever and and he's got something to say but I don't know that I laugh as hard at Dave Chappelle as I do it as say it you or say as well I don't know if I enjoy Dave Chappelle as much as I enjoy and laugh at Dov Davidoff well you know so really it comes down to this weird thing where I was like what were do you delineate between truth and satire and observation and then just plain [ __ ] hilarity yeah when I go to comedy and I laugh really hard that's my favorite I love when I hear you laugh yeah it feels good yeah do you hear me left when you're on stage yeah yeah you have a great laugh you're one of the few comic can actually be moved by other people who are funny yes cackle and that's the compliment on the comment I'd like to give you a do laugh at me and that's so that's that's a nice thank you that's really and that's all I want really from you yeah that's one of the signs of narcissism - yeah yeah you we were like I've been googling narcissism all day yeah okay I think I might Nile I've been denied I'm like I don't think you are I don't think I'm gonna show you a questionnaire or let's just you want to go through it like okay I've known you forever I don't think you're in our specific - yeah exactly I think you're the opposite I think that you are you may be self-destructive and you may have set low self esteem all the good things in the comic need yeah but I don't think that you're a narcissist all in fact and I'll tell you you always go out of your way to try to empower other people that's what I saw always thought about myself I know I've always thought that about myself but she disagrees with you I not only do I disagree I think you are the prototype for narcissism like you are the exact if you just read the book Bobby your phone so why is my goat why is my Steve's girlfriend calling me because your thing is attached to her yeah I don't want I don't want to [ __ ] but here's the questions alright let me go to the questions all right the first one is you like to be the center of attention that's that that just means you're a performer it means you're a [ __ ] comic and you and you love the sensation of you happen to have a skill set that's very rare which is you can make people double over in laughter okay right so they're really good at it I make a point yeah narcissists are very good in their work field they're charming they're well-liked from from from a distance but they're very difficult to live with that's okay but that's not the way to define a narcissist narcissist is the hero or the victim of every story he tells okay okay there we go and that man Bobby tells plenty of stories about other people in fact we focus is usually on other people so it's a two miscalculate I am at I'm a doctor and everybody in this original did I ever got what the first thing he already answered it so I I don't doesn't apply to me all right cuz I'm a comic and I need to make people laugh yeah you have a habit of giving unsolicited advice I'm dumb that's ridiculous yeah that's a radical notion though to say that somebody's that narcissistic that I don't I reject that yeah yeah yeah because you're trying to help people right so let's say uh Gilbert and I right you're wearing a comedy club and you're listening in right let's talk about something about our line okay okay yes so that rash you have I mean killing me man yeah it's like been bleeding and I keep scratching it right well maybe enough and then would you say now you're already listening right and I like the way you're listening and I saw your your brow not which means you're actually concerned for him so you know what yeah so that you care about it I thought about now here's another one here here's another one my friends you to test waiting in line oh [ __ ] off digit where's this from go [ __ ] yourself I don't wait in line to [ __ ] you you know what I do my dad was waiting in line we had to get a holiday twelve of us and I was like I'm not waiting the size of LaGuardia it was observed JFK with his line with delivery around the block oh yeah I'll [ __ ] you guys I gotta go 300 bucks when I go give me an hour bucks right now yeah I cut bucks I go to the guy who's the front line ago bro listen I got a question for shake his hand first of all it's good to see you a phenomenal yeah $100 I can't physically wait in this line that's all people he goes give me a second and that was it we got on the plane so shut the [ __ ] up right call that that's call just getting people on planes Thanks exactly right right I was on the plane from Baltimore to here yesterday all right I paid I don't I didn't tell you this but I paid for a first-class 350 or something that's how I do it yeah if it's available why I took it right I apply privately but keep going doesn't matter I don't know yeah I don't have a plane yet doesn't matter right it doesn't matter right so I'm sitting there and this actually happened um there was a group they go you know who goes before out first class who goes on the plank before I think they belong to cap handicap right so a couple of kids went on it's fine a couple of military guys thank you for your service and then a whole baseball team goes on that would annoy me right they're wearing red hoodies and their kids are high school and I sit out loud what the hell is this right and then the coach looks at me because they're hearing impaired right and I go oh [ __ ] right yeah and so that I had a red hoodie to the fan bases but as I was next rise first awesome so I'm behind them and then the stewardess looks at me she goes welcome good and I bursted the laughter like I've been a part of them I'm not a partner yeah I can hear you I do these guys these two thugs got really mad at me cuz I cut him off and they were in pickup and they wanted to fight they were young and they were they were just ready to go and I was like these guys are [ __ ] tough I can't fight these two guys and they go they made the guy lose me because that's your ass you [ __ ] or something like that yeah and I went I just looked at man I'm done I can hear you very well but I can't see any time oh my god you poppin ego yeah yeah sorry that's a good one all right go afraid yeah I believe I can do it they've come up with something different hey man you double parked in my spot oh god that's so bad you're upsetting us your digital palace acting class yes I did write my first I don't blame you look ah I don't believe you yeah yeah how much beyond you you did it again you idiot faking an impairment to do this huh hey man you parked your car two spots is so stereotypical girl I didn't know I could [ __ ] and [ __ ] Asian Oh guys Asian I felt like you had been you had been like you were trapped under rubble yes I got the third man telling my buzz all right well you demolished something I got to take more classes from your buddy okay here's some work things then your ambition knows no bounds oh that's that's your nostalgia yeah I'll say your noggin is know I'm doing this list [ __ ] I mean lady I love unlike you I don't like team I love I don't want to say that you're in the National Center zone I lie yes you was yeah yeah I'm sorry baby I'm going to play that equator do about the dog barking I don't know just leave it there you know how to turn on the charm this is the worst at school this could be buzzy the first neurosis is some yoga how about this no I want to finish these one this is more my thing because I say no to all of these ones yours yours I say yes to all right go go to your list babe okay yeah um shame sir humiliates those who agree disagree with him and often goes in the attack when hurt or frustrated exploding with rage this is a particular how about throwing tantrums or even breaking laws with minimal consequences okay here's the thing you're saying that because I don't pay for parking tickets or like if I get one I'll just speed up and let the fly off I know that's not true what sir if you rack up a lot of parking tickets have and yeah and they told my car toilet you don't wanna had no money I just go into it because I always feel like regular rules on applies know that I understand here caught your comic yeah so what do you do then just pay the huge fine when they yeah like I didn't pay taxes until I was like 35 and then I owed them like the winner gets $2,000 why I just I take it to that limit oh yeah and then I go oh I don't want to go to jail so then I'll pay that's not a narcissist yeah that's a selfish one more I have one more I have one more wiser distorts the truth for personal gain blames others or makes excuse yeah I'm I'll tell you what is my job as a comedian yeah I have to exaggerate story embellish embellish when I tell jokes onstage right it's not the complete and utter truth then it wouldn't be funny right you you you lie a little bit you exaggerate and what not for entertainment purposes get away from you know the consequences that's what it's saying we mean I don't have what do you mean consequent onstage now my final Jules paper over yeah I said I can't see I did it back yes I ever committed a crime before I don't think I I ran over I went you know do I ever tell you that I ran over somebody yeah you said no we haven't talked about it I got a story for you you ran over somebody well no I didn't oh I killed a drifter but that was me yeah who hasn't no I was with Andy Kindler and bunch of guys loved it and I go I said I was like this is awkward story guy was like you guys will appreciate the story my friends and I killed drifter and he goes Brian Brian it was me anything it was ok it was an easy but uh but to tell your story then I'll tell you sorry I won't hear you're through well my friend his ex-girlfriend called him crying and in fact I swear to god I'm not just saying this I think he lived I'm right oh ok I swear to god it wasn't me no he didn't live at anyway it doesn't matter no he's lived the next block over but um so and I know that because I just driving here you know I would go to South aware is so boring but anyway this one is dropping a disco ball she's crying she can't stop crying she's so depressed because well look relax because I don't know I find my [ __ ] up because would it's not like you killed anybody and she's just crying harder oh she was walking her golden retriever out in the street yeah and a homeless guy came up and said hide the dog the dog jumped up on him and pushed him back he kind of jumped back and got hit by a car killed order it's not murder but he was killed and then she killed herself oh yeah like a week later no it's not a terrible story I said I always hesitate about telling me that better capper it's a little dog oh yeah I really do we changed the punchline okay hey the story end but she was like I'm coming up and he goes don't she goes okay another [ __ ] happy they got my dad her and they're so much better have three kids the better movie Wow really she killed herself yeah because her dog clothes to homeless I guess it was the final straw you know things weren't going well was it a hound she had been an actress calm and that this town huh no like how about that what about what's-her-name of just died if they think stays for cancer but they found her in her trailer park she was Joanie or chopped Joanie I ever happy then she we all do deed but oh yeah what's her name again is 56 years old what were the Joanie know she'd had so many problem there yeah she'd said too many problems she went broken and then she was in a trailer park oh my god I know this town my manager right I'm not gonna name the name had a client who was like this actress she booked a pilot Erin Lauren yeah that's her name yeah about Joanie yeah this girl had didn't work for years she finally booked a pilot for HBO they do the pilot and in a week before they go into serious she got replaced yeah and then like three or four months later she's driving on the street in a shitty car and she sees billboards for it Sex in the City oh quit and she loved she left town what was your name I'm gonna to me I think I know who you're talking about to say hi dad was this town does that to people yeah it does and I've so many times I wanted to UM quit why I just go you know what I think about the corner maybe there's a brighter day I don't know what I would do other than what I'm doing that was my problem yeah yeah yeah yeah [ __ ] what am I going to do but here's what here's the thing that we made for sports obviously but yeah well let me male model let me finish my story Mike running over a guy story and then we're gonna go to I'm gonna go to Brian and what he did which was inspirational okay when I was a kid I was 17 and I I got sober and I was in AAA and I had my senior in high school I had a white truck and I was going to an a meeting at Mira Mesa which is part of the San Diego and it was on this hill and on the bottom of the hill you take a left but the stop sign was just gone so I just thought you could just merge onto it but the hill was steep right so I turned left it's late at night and then I hear Coco Kong and that's your body flying over my [ __ ] car ah over yeah and then I run over a couple times pop up pump pumps right and I stop and I look through my rearview mint window and I see just a motorcycle just in nineteen pieces I got the problem Ellen for insurance purposes are you allowed to tell this story alright this Ben this is like 20 we've already settled are you sure I sort of got it sometimes they don't stop asking this is 25 years later I don't you [ __ ] it you're fine I mean only like a million people listen not usually but now that I'm on yeah keep going yeah yeah I walk out of the car and I just start laughing because yeah you're in shock I'm in such shock and I thought I'd murdered somebody I go that's the end em this is the end but then I go to the guy I lift him up utilize how could I thank God okay yeah baby I'm not a murderer okay I did pull them to the side of the street take his money United to conquer and then next thing I know I'm in court I'm going on I'm in trial I have a lawyer and um there was no stop sign think the cop can they know they took the photo and but apparently this guy was a record right but they still gave him like a half a million dollars or something like that really yeah who who gave math night it got in the settlement because the city didn't have a stop sign there possibly unlockable yeah you don't have to bet any of its might insurance did but then I had a case so much more after that but that's what happened to me at but I ran over pedophile and I read about it and I'd obviously this air because I'm kind of a hero in many ways yes heard his dick I heard it I am being abusive anyway and I think I'm yeah I'm kind of like a good dude yeah yeah it would be like much more really like if you killed somebody oh my god well he had a rap sheet for touching two kids you'd be like that's fine [Laughter] is it fun I mean what do you think about the dr. Dow the guy who got dragged out of the plane well he was not had a father was he here so yeah he was just for him he was just [ __ ] giving like guys he wanted to bang pills [ __ ] aw it's no big deal I mean it doesn't make it to me doesn't make him a bad guy - the next morning just like what you mean Hills for sex right guys right yeah I guess right of pretensions first does he not have his license anymore or he can play guy revoked and then a he he got reinstated but he could only practice limited didn't likely get out it's gonna get a lot of money I think from yeah right I see it when I look back at that United thing I don't know I think I would have left well here's the thing I should have stayed you should that the thing was to stay that's where you get the money we're just wait till I sweeten the deal you know they can give you cash no but I don't know if I would've done what doctor doubted and just go I'm not leaving refused outright well I think that if you are sitting on a plane and they've allowed you to take your seat that you've paid for yeah [ __ ] you you know I yell I I'm standing on over twenty-two and I really feel that way like Matt if you if you stop me from getting on the plane now you have a case but if I'm on the plane sitting down you want to get me out of my seat yeah go [ __ ] you said whether the first two guys leave because a lot of people don't want to deal a lot of people I but I get the rage you would feel if you really wanted to get home yeah I hate traveling I travel all the time yeah you know if you it was like it was like so so I with American Airlines I flew JetBlue first-class to Boston and I had my own pod my own room basically my only [ __ ] bed yeah and then of course I spend the same amount of money to come back on American and American was an old plane and the [ __ ] seats weren't even as good as coach in JetBlue and I lost my [ __ ] mind I lost my mind they gave me a sweater dollar voucher but yeah $500 [ __ ] right yeah made me mad and I'm sorry I'm not much money on some yeah see Brian has the same thing I do baby well look you guys I don't know well I get it if I'm a headliner look it's a different that's different it no I'm in any kind of line if I'm at that line at McDonald's right it's long I'm not gonna cut but I think they should let me go three or four head hey man you're a narcissist oh my heard Yuri he just doesn't take the path of least resistance if he can throw a fit he'll throw a fit normal very visibly so then I have more in the airport is the [ __ ] driver there a different security line because I don't even want to be able streaming but don't they'll recognize you inside above all y'all but no they don't it's like ice now like if they go off it's all the more reason you can show your ID and your [ __ ] right after that part yeah no more questions so if somebody comes up to me and goes where are you going don't be a [ __ ] business growth well they probably want to talk to the great Bobby Lee you narcissist and if they go I love hair look Kumar though I go all right sorry about that yeah all right yeah yeah you know yeah well here's a lot of talk about you BB ya BB ya near times does that like you know I you know you you and I are similar in many ways right very different but similar that we both came from mad that was rewarding first jobs is my first job naturally me too and um when I feel like and you didn't movies I mean what movie we when I watched a movie that you were in that we were amazing it was that the fight the warrior you were great in that thank you right and I seen you in old school remember your unmasked movie a bunch of movies hangovers Yeah right over ride along alright nice to listen I understand that I thought some stuff option is weird higher than I do but I forget I forget how talented I am it well when you guys started talking and I walk on but what really puts you on a different level I think is your podcast fight on the kid right I mean that name is making you good money yeah and now you have a name i over showered here yeah we I don't know I mean I shot the certainly shot that's been off you know it's funny because because it was a it's been a good three years right where I've been doing this TV and I've been did podcast has become this monster and then stand up and all that and I won number one comic of all time and Wow yeah and I don't give a [ __ ] that's what the International Council of comedic experts to give me the award and it was on that [ __ ] of help with your priority said yeah series I and they contacted this girl yeah yeah Kim Carlin dad right once all a lot of idiot not yeah Sid Caesar Caesar yeah I read Cotton's but yeah I know but but like I kind of like it's funny cuz I kind of gave up on acting right I hate acting so much because it hurt me so much like it broke my heart so all in this business yeah so I gave up I was like I don't care and then long comes this podcast and you know it's kind of all of a sudden all I guess when you become well I guess when things are successful like you're doing lots of TV and you you don't even realize it you get when I gave up a bunch of [ __ ] started happening I guess is what I'm saying well I didn't expect to make money on the podcast yeah I did expect this podcast to be like that I wanted to just do a podcast because it was the only way I could sell tickets on the [ __ ] Road like cuz I did your podcast before you did fire this the one that you did but yeah yeah it was like Sanford himself right I had six bliss exactly exactly yeah and I got tired of going to the you know do Townsend on Thursday and Friday and not being able to tell ticket yeah I got tired of having clubs have to paper the room so I was only doing it so I could sell tickets right but you know I just wanted to stand up to big crowds that's all I wanted right and that's you guys that you dis which is but yeah yeah but again when it happens it happens it sneaks up on you we are like oh I still don't believe it and I still keep waiting for it to go away yeah for me it's similar in many ways where I feel like this podcast has I too did a pilot and I think that it's all a part of the different choices that I've made like I but you know I remember this but when Ken was getting a lot of like parts and I wasn't working you gave me a pep talk at The Comedy Store and you said it's gonna work out you're so funny you know I mean like you really like because I was on the verge of little Ramona I remember that's like I was gonna kill myself well I saw you yeah I didn't like what I saw because you seemed very broken at that moment I was broken like you just didn't care and I and III don't like that kind of apathy that worries me you know it does yeah yeah I was like because I always said you I've seen you if you can do what I've seen you do in just 20 minutes you can do anything right anything and I think that you should look at and I think especially for you I think you should look at comedy as a process of discovery in other words what the [ __ ] is what the [ __ ] is left inside of you a lot of greatness I think you could be one the greatest comics period but and I'm not talking about I hate to say this because I don't even like the idea of work hard I don't like the idea focus I don't like those words and I don't like the idea of I don't even like saying to a grown man you know you could be this I think that's ridiculous I do think that you could put yourself in a mindset that says I'm gonna wake up every morning and just sit and see what shows up what am I going to discover so you know Flannery O'Connor of a great writer who died of MS at 39 years almost in the 30s now she's amazing writer and you people are not literary say whoa what was that this book but but no no that she's a great writer and and she she said I sit at my typewriter every morning not to write but in case something happens and it's an active okay III told the story a thousand times of tell a thousand one when there's a guy from [ __ ] a Russian guy won the Fields Medal of mathematics and and that's like the Nobel Prize in mathematics and he had figured out that there was a theorem a mathematical theorem that they didn't even know existed they weren't sure if it was actually a legitimate question but he answered the question and proved that it existed and the answer was I think three hundred and fifty seven pages long okay you [ __ ] so a handful of mathematicians looked at it and went holy [ __ ] this guy this has been floating around since the 1800s and and they said this guy is one of the great mathematicians of all time let's give him the million dollar prize he rejected it why he disappeared why because he said you know they found him in a cabin living with his aunt in Siberia a year later and he said why are you giving me the award I am just a receiver I happen to have a certain genetic makeup maybe wiring my brain that was able to channel that theorem the theorem has always existed in the great template model oh my god so there's a very important way to look at life you'll write a very important way to look at life because he just kept showing up he kept showing up it's an act of faith so why don't you do that with your stand to be son of a bi addition to my hey did something you write right all right when you get out good I don't like your [ __ ] tone right now okay and let me say this right now I've never been [ __ ] afraid of you baby I'll paint brush your face I understand that and I know you think that you're stronger you could destroy me do you might as well I do it I kinda know you heard me Bob stop sir all right but let me see something ever talk to me like that and number two I can't put your fingers don't point fingers at me all right how about one that's all right I know exactly what you're [ __ ] talking about yeah all right because I am the laziest guy right ever to show up in this town right that's what I am a [ __ ] receiver also friend that's okay that every seeds in the ass oh man you missed my whole point you saying about Steve dicks in my ass exactly no no house talking right I'm sorry I receive all the time Oh Brian and every party hold on never selling right I had another thought in a cart yeah [ __ ] I had another thought about this that was brilliant yeah go ahead sorry no I really got we stink here that was good no there's something else um I'll forget it not asked it oh man all right keep going just please having a process of discovery yeah yeah how did you meet a Brendan's job I mean because I went and spoke to the The Ultimate Fighter they brought me in to talk to the fighters and I realized when I was there these guys are all killers and don't know who I am Nate Marcos he's with a Strikeforce champion brought me in to talk to them about mindset like competitive mindset because with Nate I noticed that he was listening to I like I hate reviews right I don't believe in listening to good or bad reviews because they define you and so what happens is it they find you and I say Bobby you're so funny you're so physical or whatever you're going to try to be physical and funny you're going to try to fulfill whatever it is people tell you so you have to be very careful of that as a performer you have to be very careful as an athlete so if you're a fighter and people call you a knockout artist what they were calling my friend you're gonna keep looking for them you're going to be trying to knock somebody out instead of fighting the guy's funny maybe Rumble Johnson yeah we went through that last fight maybe well yeah they're not a huge part searching for it though that was a huge part of being good at anything especially something physical but if you get to the higher levels of things is not getting in your own way is the idea that you you know you you can't allow other people to define you and you kind of have to be you you know it's like look [ __ ] come on like acting okay when you go in there and the job there's a million dollars on the line okay and you push a little or you don't push enough and you're not in that you're not in that zone what that delicate zone yeah you're not Nadal with its own because you're trying to get in your own head I mean I did that did I almost quit the business cuz that you know yeah and I went crazy I have ever 17 times and I denied Wow 17 that's a real number I get jobs it doesn't let a up but let me ask you this have you ever had a job like an acting job where you just blank uh we're like you could even say the words yeah I would I would panic because I I would kill it all the way to the test and then I would panic yeah I mean and so I the point is that I just learned to no longer listen to all these people telling me that I was going to be famous and I was I was a great actor I stopped listening don't tell me anything about anything else and I'll do it yeah it dampens your instincts when you're hearing other people tell you what you are you're you're losing all your instincts naturally it even got you there to beginner right and a huge part of love being good at something is probably learning what not to think about not what to think about it's a process of deletion you got to delete the instead of like you know we always walk around thinking that we have to do we have to add stuff to our personality or to our persona or to our character you probably have to subtract get the [ __ ] out of your own way yeah with the people that you know they do I would do that [ __ ] my whole life I thought a man was a tough guy I'm not tough guy I even thought that that was something to esteem I'm not in sitting tough I don't care if you can run a marathon I care how creative you are yeah that's what's interesting to me goddamnit I feel like singing a song do it do it who's out here in the fields my money you yeah I'll get my back into my living I just wrote that ice you Wow yeah I like a sort of a woman oh that was epic it's out there right and you handled it can I be honest with you yeah that's right like the Russian mathematician [ __ ] me that's right right that's right I saw you do um I don't know what it was I think Saab had it on his Instagram you were singing that mother hang me I did that a goddamn Comedy Jam really yeah where which one in Austin oh I did the televised one okay sorry that's enough I'm all right don't you know I'm not you didn't love when you do I did on national TV but unless I told him that I won't do it and mr. Khan daschle I know yeah that was super mean of you and I was about nothing about the bragging you cut my line oh I thought it was good I think I go that's good for that if I ran it 150 people that watch if we're gonna [ __ ] oh my god like what were you people to watch mine by the way we're in a boxing match and you sweep my leg yeah I did that's a whole pairs well I mean we would be fighting because I'm at a higher level what a hey bro yeah this is not a competition go holy God you're kind of Satan what song did you sing I don't even remember that's how a little I Carolina game yeah I just did it Yerevan I you know it crystal weird that to me what he'll just send a picture of just a brick of hundreds yeah and I'll get high hill right here right your poor Allah you know what he did was he sent me a photo of his dogs right but they're all on a pile of money he goes for the dunk you my god yeah the Leah's life he wrapped his hard-on in a sheet and he goes dude it goes tonight yeah yeah I love that [ __ ] but um so that was good I saw that you know man I'm gonna fight you why weight class I think I don't know one baby time oh they both wrestle in high school college Thanks how much you want 73 we went 67 was it good well today even country and now you have to what sweetie you're not [ __ ] an attack are legit 125 he's a DJ doc yeah you had to fight you have to talk to 25 yeah I would I'm just I don't have a fight schedule I have to talk to 45 and maybe even 35 yeah I still win but you know but do you like the UFC I make you a fan of it yeah I'm a huge fan you are good I'm a huge fan of like mixed martial arts it's so hard yeah yeah you know when you did that warrior movie did you ever meet Tom Hardy yeah I spent two months with a he's a great guy he seemed he was not famous when I know why but I we knew he was going to be yeah you could tell though well there's also buzz CAA was like he's the prince Wow but believe me the Machine was already working and we knew yeah they had about six movies lined up so that guy yeah after Bronson but he's our guy yeah well he's a great guy but he I saw him for some that Star Trek movie well yeah with bald really played off young more as a young man he just [ __ ] really good little way better than even Leo in that movie the Reverend asked well it was a great congratulations Leo we don't actually on the show hey come on sit isolated euro I'm not bashing one of the best actors of our generation right dude who you talkin do you know honest maybe is listening him I don't know about that man okay anyway it's not you yet Tommy how hard you have nothing on you you could to stop talking to him like your friend another guy that was it I like him too joel edgerton that his name [ __ ] Australian actor yeah really good to buy you nice gray Ken Jones just a real great guy I don't you know what disrespect somebody everyone stop who else you're not stop thinking right now I don't like your [ __ ] attitude what dude you invited me in your own I know but you get introspective and you're like all cool and then you know what two fingers here you know what [ __ ] man that's the thing you'd the mathematician [ __ ] and the [ __ ] coming to you ain't going into a lock at away mom Reebok you read read I know but you know what come on what your old friend yeah but you know what you need to be educated and can I ask you another question yeah go [ __ ] is with your house I too many cars way too many colors in boy who bro you're becoming a skinhead I might let us in man don't you do that to me let me see zoom it right mate you look like shut the [ __ ] up for a second I okay you don't ever make fun of a man's house all right I did all right all right dude your alpha like the [ __ ] alpha dog in the [ __ ] I crossed the [ __ ] line do you have hon all right I think he does but he does she does baby baby baby hey don't put your girl oh yeah listen I'll put your hands on my girl all right bro bro man are you sure in Korea no nobody knows me that really bad at all are you a [ __ ] superstar in [ __ ] Norway or you're [ __ ] people from from the doorway he's for the Norway I'm southern Italian and Irish [ __ ] and yes the answer is yes kanya I went to your house you probably different house we used to live in Venice or Santa Monica which would the one the mansion or the other mess the other magic this is before you know what man Santa Monica yeah but I were you invited me to that Super Bowl party to remember yeah you do now yeah you did you did you come I didn't come did you like it I said but that's what hurts that you don't remember part now yeah but I remember going I don't know you that well but you invited me and I what's your house I think I left about 15 minutes why because I don't know how footballs played you little [ __ ] non-american yeah so I was like I can't do that I didn't know who the team you should be vetted a better for what for your citizenry I don't know yeah I was born your [ __ ] up you want me to stand up again call me a [ __ ] loser agent hold are you with I just got goose be a right really a movie great thanks it's amazing how quickly they're your ca2 right yeah you know Jeremy Piven just asked if I still have his credit card friends of him I know that's another thing no big deal that's another thing because I see sometimes I'm at The Comedy Store and you'll be with Jeremy Piven yeah but you guys will be off in the corner yeah that time we are whispering about things yeah about Bible is about no I always wonder what are you whispering about really um like what to do with our money and how to keep people of Asian descent out of the business whoa good one come on do you know Gilbert and sweet because you listen to now are you Asian yeah yeah what's your nationality like your [ __ ] business or nationality so far gorgeous Thanks I'm just I was looking at you and I said that you know when I'm on the road baby what do I say when I'm on the road I call I go like I gotta spend in Shaba River now you are you attracted to Brennan it's okay no I know but I think that there's something going on so I always like colouring a job over what do you think he would know if there was something going on you look at my eyes I wonder I don't trust that guy because you know I trust him but it's just like that women love him they look at him and they went on with him immediately I know yeah there you [ __ ] go you can handsome board I don't know innocent well after we did the fight companion together yeah I think at we exchanged messages on Twitter one and that was it and you know you saw that and all it just grew in your head to be something here well it should can I say another thing though that happened right I did the by companion and then I didn't seen him in a while last time at The Comedy Store and I said hey Brendan and then he goes uh you prefer Todd anyway that was an opening line yeah she is what's up yeah you know and it was planning a CNN you know get it she said could I see something um oh no no ah [ __ ] I didn't to say something um if you if I was on the road and Brendan sharp came over here and grilled you and stuff like gosh now just listen to say drilled again it's drilled very sick is really different I would be really angry with you but I think that I I don't know what I would do because I think you could crush it no you betta you also be a little understanding huh oh god you're exactly dude you hear about the launch let me get you right now ATZ Korean missile take it easy I have hrf dad Han no he didn't [ __ ] strength hey yes I do haha I'm stronger they're not hold me down cause I will break your cheekbones with my I don't do it alright don't ever talk to me like that man I'm not a [ __ ] pansy dude how much am I getting paid for this [ __ ] point okay not seriously no publish boys it cost publicity publish public I have the square possible okay yeah you want a decent Tiger belly yeah y'all regular on the tiger bail [ __ ] alright bro you know how this happens that is so so good I see I know it was a great sticker look like a you ever seen my good heavy have you ever seen like yeah you do you do alright let me show to you again I hate that song hold up on cameras inside well take care I mean you know yeah it's alright that's that bit dude now hold on well you have to deal with that now would it kill him to trim a little bit no no what I really like the whole animalistic look of it oh yeah you know women don't give a [ __ ] I don't like the trimming it chafes it's a anytime a guy is very very well-groomed he's spending way too much time on himself and that's unattractive to me yeah yeah I like the dirty kind of disheveled just rolled out of bed I have a little machetes I give girls to get through to the you know minute well you have a little machete that I give girls and they get to the promised land right they have to [ __ ] cut to it a pronounced isn't it promised much yet much the Monica Santa Monica yeah yeah Santa Monica how's your day um I got a [ __ ] angry piece yeah he's got a bend to him no what's it like being a dad and stuff um I watched my daughter play tennis I think she could be your kid kids right yeah you have a daughter uh I've been thinking the one's loud I read a book about it I read a book about parenting cuz I was on the raw state I was not on the same page as my wife and I was kind of like she had read all the books and I have to say that if you want to make your kids self-reliant there's one thing say well you think you can parent but you can't unless you [ __ ] unless you they're people that can help you I'm flailing the kid doesn't want to do something you're in your instinct is to bully them and say no you're going to do it because I said so yeah promise that just really work it doesn't foster creativity there's a lot of different ways you can go about it so I guess it's been challenging because I've had to kind of rethink how I so let's say arm of your daughter yeah and you say clingy aesthetically by Rome I would say hey are we going to live in this where everything is all over the place how do you find things yeah I just like it this way you do yeah well do you think that maybe I could help you clean things up so it's a little better organized so this way you can find things faster so we don't have to wait for a long time were you ready no no okay so I'll tell you what in that case I don't think we're going to be able to go to the beach because we just don't have the time for you to find all your stuff so I guess the choice is yours but you can make your own choice and then I go downstairs oh really I try to do is like to active Lily good got to give them a choice so when my son today he couldn't his shirt was trying it was inside out and he was cold and I go so so why don't you just take your shirt and turn it inside I can't go well you can because no I can't ago would you like me to help you try and then I'll so so so you could you build sort of self relief life here's the other thing but here's the other thing I will my daughter is really good at tennis right problem is the I have to resist the instinctive thing of correcting her telling her coaching her what the best thing a father can do is go guy I love watching you play I just love it and then I'll say stuff like this I'll talk about her so so I'll say stuff like this when she she thinks I'm not that I don't think she's listening I go listen man I'm telling you she can focus the way she focuses and and when she misses a shot she doesn't freak out the way I used to as a kid she's just like she's like nothing and she just goes back to doing it again life and I brag about it to our mother or somebody I talk about her like she's my here like she's the hero so what happens they'll fulfill that that's that destiny yeah kids do that they don't human beings have they resist being even an infant or a toddler when you they have a spoon and you try to pull out of the hand they're going to squeeze harder human beings want their own serenity their own their own autonomy I like using words like serenity on autonomy now hold it your daughter call your daughter I'm not worried about her at all I can just get out in high school though like the 1i school when she goes on a date give me a scenario and she comes home from the day with a black eye what would you do um that's not something I can talk about on Nobel oh geez I wouldn't know it specifically I'll say this I'm ready for it what what do you mean I'm ready so I so I I say I'm a high school kid yeah guy I took your daughter on a date yeah I drop her off and I punched her eye out oh yeah right she comes in the house hanging right okay so this is a hypothetical yeah I don't know what you're getting in I'm already ready flat all right would you co come front me dude you're gonna end up it's gonna be bad for you like I'm going to do it alone I understand that so just verbally confront me I'm not going to say anything you're like I say they know well but I have a reason why I'm just gonna show up no I have a reason why I understand that you can tell me the Nabataean ejected Asian baby but you can tell me all about it tell me babe you tell me all about it when you're bound and gagged in my trunk and going over here my other foot of you Wow I would have pretend to be a dad to let me see what I can do the psychological thing okay Gilbert okay oh it's an area would you like whatever senior you're myself what's your name I'll make it up the most oh that's a bad pretty good job it closes tomato but it's like the muscle come on Tom yeah tomahto all right what did holy [ __ ] - ZJ here puberty I didn't really know super 28 he has a disease yes sir - Dan in these seven years wrong for cancer did you adopt it again I ain't let go your dude no all right let me do it again how much one at the left that voice is very good though and I'm gonna give him credit for that the second city wants their opinion but okay tomato you did yeah um what wipe your brooms messy what do you do about it I think much that I can do about it really on you know it's fine you don't have to clean it but um you're just not gonna eat for the UFC dad you can't threaten the starters kid that doesn't really work yeah but he's gonna want to eat a dead I know child services what you're not gonna have a phone okay watch how you do it yeah so be rude to me watch I'm okay I'm gonna say something and I want you to say shut up [ __ ] you dad silent oh he's getting up right now he's getting up he goes to the bathroom close to the door what do you do you're on the punching a tree in the backyard I'm back then I come back then I come back about 15 minutes later yeah what's going on hey um I want to talk to you about something what that you know when you said [ __ ] you to me yeah very disrespectful and if you do that again I'm just not gonna deal with you anymore I'm just going to do the same thing so we have to talk about how you can be a little bit more respectful that's why you're a good dad I'm not going to be able to do it if I have to read books about it I had to read books about because I used to be like what did you say what used to be like this do it again do it again right say [ __ ] here again [ __ ] you dad all right what did you say to me say again I dare you say to go out again toilet for you look at me Kyo you okay da and now and now you okay now you don't get to now you don't get to do anything and I allow me to grab your face okay yeah and get in your face yeah hard stand and yell at you and tell you that you're grounded for the rest of your life and I'm sending you to Guantanamo Bay oh cool okay well double [ __ ] you and the coming mom yeah and then I would I would I would there we go I would duct tape your mouth yeah there we go so that's what you would do you'd walk away though I've had to read the books now dude it's so effective yeah I'm not just silence just gone that's really good you what you're over that dog look what about on stage it does hecklers yeah it's because I one night I was those hecklers in the orders a years ago and I just raised my voice he goes no next time just whisper because in the room will quiet down to listen to saying yeah so sometimes being quiet is the best of all still no no no no no no your thoughts he's gone I'm not talking about always even I've never seen him follow that [ __ ] yeah well we had timewise we're at over 50 that's great what the timing was so good on that uh how good was I huh you were so [ __ ] good oh no they promised I mean I think Jordan Peele was good yeah yeah and then we had D'Elia some other people but you're in the top five we've only had six guests anyway uh oh top notch oh yeah yeah how are you on this [ __ ] thing how many episodes oh maybe some eighty something how are your ratings we cannot like you're not like well I mean yeah we get a million dollars a month iPad at all giving really [ __ ] a million dollar I'm on it so one one one a week only only weaker that's really good we talking about in Kondos a million downloads a month that's [ __ ] rude that's that's like a tender when I get that's a big deal huh Darryl I see a million dollars a million dollars a month is not bad at all are you sponsored yeah alright well don't be don't go yeah because I'm an evil with a question but anymore because your [ __ ] attitude I'll give you Welman and can I just say this right we're gonna grow to man just I know you know that be quiet let me just see what else to say and I'm not afraid anymore dude i dude I'm not saying you are you don't have listened to us I want to want to drive my Tesla he really has a nice head laughs ah oh yeah yeah whatever it what do you mean whatever doesn't matter you get a self-driving one yeah so quickly yes at the end of every week we have we read emails people asking for our advice it's called unhelpful advice okay and can you just do the segment and then I will walk you to the car here test to your Tesla go ahead I mean okay I'm hopeful vice will Barbie kilala and Santa Monica this question is from Stephen hey friends I am a twenty year old male for the last year and a half I've been clean and working out and motivated my dream is to move to LA to do stand-up the kicker is my fiance and I just had a beautiful baby boy so being a provider I am stuck delivering Red Bull which is an okay job and it pays the bills but I [ __ ] hate it I would be able to go for it but if I wasn't a father or provider I don't want to leave my family and be that deadbeat dad but continuing the shitty job makes me die inside I feel like a waste of a human and potential any ideas yeah we put the kid up for adoption so bring the kid and the wife with you to Los Angeles obviously and of course and I know you're way too young to be having a kid but that's the reality 23 years old it's fine it's fine so have that kid and let that motivate you but bring your child and your wife to your dream to Los Angeles where you can follow your dream yeah but did you start here no New York yeah so you know I would whoever he lives he should go up for three years yeah you know like yeah four or five right you can write they do when you're delivering Red Bull there is zero reason why you can't be writing jokes all the time yeah that's a lot of time to write so it's actually a perfect job for you to think and write and you know who was a single father who raised I think what [ __ ] is Josh Wolfman yeah Josh wolf had four kids and he raised them by himself yeah and Adam young T right yeah he's an amazing look great love you guys because energy is young yeah so no excuses bro yeah in terms of white dudes are funnies and my top three for sure yeah you're my top five hey anyway is that it yeah it's at any shows yeah you want to plug it shows you have done meter shows that youth will copy it the comedy mix in Vancouver um May 4th 5th and 6th you'll be doing a hundred seat venue with a comedy don't be that's have not an exam or something don't say that it'll be great no that's quite wrong yeah yeah and um yeah so that's what I'll be doing what do I have a bit coming up yeah nothing no you do you have a few I have to update your website go to my lovely her Grasso succeed as she does all my GT she does everything I change his band just daily yeah this is all the stuff she bought she brought cheap started this whole thing she does know I gradually you're an effective woman thank you thank you very what what do you do know that this that's it that's it yeah we're not allowed to know what are you doing extra long time on your way hahahahaha sweetie he's in cahoots with the [ __ ] the guy Brandon there includes together and they're not going to do this this isn't going on for two years every weekend a job with you yeah yeah every week every text but you know shabu put the jealousy in a man he's a beautiful Boswell because like yes you you were you cried on this part i ha ha ha there you go again right Barisan I know but I'll just do the bit that can oh poor thing face your fears videotape it and watch it over and over there's no effect is Ryan we've had some good guess but I think you were like one of the bathroom I really do it you're so just funny and I love you I love you too Bobby all right Bryan Callen everybody that was amazing thank you we'll be back guys it's not cleaning a house yeah hey dude a million downloads if you only do four in a month is a lot hey guys and we're back for some housecleaning mr. George Kimmel alright uh big news is a eskimo [ __ ] has been found I asked a couple uh I'm gonna do another Nicole Kidman clef Botox I said um she just got down her account because she has to concentrate on school and them stuff I really am yeah I'm glad she's oh I'm glad we didn't I'll be back once a runner off a cliff that's marked only Mart decision I was like no i focus on school okay I'd be like man I'm going to stop drawing pictures of these dumbasses yeah I hear you girl you're doing the right thing then I'm very happy to announce we have over a thousand reviews on iTunes yeah laughs everybody finally so thank you guys I was a little whiny last time I think so I'm a little embarrassed but I appreciate everybody's me away nation foundation oh that's right go to nation - foundation.org donate money to our friend Cody named Kobe : oh I said Kony our friend Kobe's organization it helps it helps kids in Uganda with all their scholastic needs so go there donate and it's for a really good cause and thank you in advance and I wouldn't promote anything that I wouldn't do myself so I gave $50 and I helped out a kid for a year Oh long way yeah the promo year $50 yeah that's amazing everyone $50 yes and if you have an extra $50 t-shirt I are almost sold out the king t-shirts yeah we only have last time I checked a little bit under a fifty yeah sure it's less taken away while we're doing this podcast so uh they're gonna wear yeah don't miss out because I don't think that we're going to have another run of these these are the only times that we're going to make them no get ahold of them now so yeah make sure get you're black or you're white slap King shirt and represent your supreme leader the tiger belly calm at their website hmm and then I did check our note our mailbox the other day and what is this what is this prepared oh no I just I just dear mr. Kimmel uh we're uh Connor Carlson thinks I am super cool so that's just uh if he eight years old let me read the whole thing retail right now [ __ ] beer mr. Kimmel I am a huge fan of you and Tiger bellies seemed like such a nice and genu of George's a genuine person and so I feel bad whenever Bobo is it is to hash on you harsh I'm going to add the arm myself it's too harsh on it even though it's quite entertaining that's what I love it it's just it's a little bad for you but like yeah we keep it happen yeah I agree with you I do feel bad sometimes but also it's so odd you than you laughs great but we're not all hug after keep this short yeah you're super cool enjoyed all this guy's this kid's so sweet on illness Oh Eddie gave a sub tomato seeds I laughed so hard at everything I was like he's like what's the thing most farmer very appropriate for the role playing you did earlier tomahto Oh my name is tomahto tomahto and tomahto funny to make sure those that still made us what was this kid's name again Connor thanks Connor thanks Thanks for writing George specifically Connor you guys wait how old every day I didn't realize the handwriting is so that was on purpose no he writes like Bobby exactly how Bobby writes really yeah even if there are lines on a paper he's going to go off of it oh my god yeah it's cute though yeah so be free be free with your writing Connor I got a message from a fan as well hey Gilbert go die you [ __ ] I got also a package and it's a picture of a dick okay thank you so much Jason I leave you get one liners yeah those are pretty good I hate the brevity oh yeah but speaking of packages and sending letters you can also send us anything and we can put on the we'll put on the vlog and you can send them too yeah we got a lot this week's team 26 North Wilcox Avenue number 161 Hollywood California nine zero zero two eight um the live show oh yeah do not send any more emails yes we are at capacity even you did right and not we haven't responded you know give it another go on the next time on the next live show we just can't take as many people as we like unfortunately and I we tried to choose initially we tried to choose the first 75 and then after that we I think that's what we did mostly I was like there are 75 yeah first-come person I made a few exceptions here and there no it filled up fast yeah there were so far people that wrote really compelling email Wow dissertation yeah so thank you guys for writing in much appreciated and for all of you guys that we will see on Thursday we're excited I'm going to be sweating a lot you're welcome to shake my sweaty hands and see my sweat mustache in the flesh bring a kerchief yeah bring Hank worthwhile oh and for your hands wear gloves wear gloves either latex you want to be wet so uh George anything else oh we're also on tune in for Android users but I'm not sure how they're going to be listening to this if they're only listen to people on tuned in without knowing so if you know any friends who might be YouTube listener right now yeah wanted to listen to this on tuned in we're on tuned and I might try a few other things simpler so as of right now and we star on iTunes we're on all things comedy comm which is a SoundCloud and we're also on stitcher which was recommended to us a long time ago for Android users and now we're on tune in yeah and we had received an email from Spotify as well then they want to add us on Spotify I'll be 5 million dollars and then we also on YouTube and you make sure some I don't know why people are still messing just messaging us about that we're like where's the video like before the audio comes up looks random comments I think you barn you just for refresher audio first on Wednesday and then now Thursday we moved it up a day Thank You George mr. George Kimmel we have YouTube videos now on Thursday and in vlogs we're going to vlog tomorrow morning afternoon baby Nanda maybe we'll see mama's been busy you know yeah trying to juggle [ __ ] yeah she's getting her first amateur find em inmates right oh okay worth it are you vlogging Matt all right make sure you keep up with us and follow us on instagram at tiger belly on twitter at tiger belly and email us any questions so many questions so keep us any more on helpful advice at the tiger belly at gmail.com and if you bought a shirt and you mail the customer service we will get on that all right guys that's it right or not five shout out to stock official for running began thank ya oh wait no one more section shout out now shout out to [ __ ] I've been working with a Steve a while of course I'm doing shout out now shout out decision I'm not a more important a more important shout out is the Armenian Genocide and if we live in off at Los Angeles and you can see all the flags flown in Glendale and 1915 never again I think it's 1915 think so yeah that's right yeah so hashtag 1950 never again see George my shoutouts actually you know so I'm just got out to step up next time interval I've been ever do that ever you are forgiven forgiven for all i cud [ __ ] [Music] Oh [Music] [Music]

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 673,870

Rating: 4.8695922 out of 5

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, khalyla, gilbert galon, podcast, khalyla kuhn, tgrbly, bryan callen, the fighter and the kid, tfatk, brendan and bryan, vodcast, podcasting, ufc, mma, ultimate fighting, stand up

Id: 8xSg9U-Ck5c

Length: 67min 44sec (4064 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 27 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/apro187]

Good episode!

[u/BigBobo2017]

When is Khalyla going to make an appearance on The Fighter and the Kid?

[u/GeorgeHasAPinkDick]

I like how Callen counter-trolled Bob in this whole ep., it was glorious. He should step up and do the same on JRE.