- All right, how about this? I will bet you that by midnight tonight I can steal the Medal of
Valor from your office. - And this won't interfere
with you doing your job? - You mean my job as an
amazing detective/genius? No it will not, I'll do
all of my work guaranteed. - I'm considering, I'm interested,
I agree to participate. (bell rings)
- All right, there's the robot I fell in love with. - You have five minutes
until your deadline. And here you are, handcuffed
to a table, in a locked room. - Which is precisely
where I planned on being. Captain, let me tell you a little story. You remember when I fell
through your celing? - Yes, that was six hours ago. - It was, I admit, a disastrous failure. But it gave me the idea for Herman, the friendly janitor you met. With Herman I commenced the perfect crime. - I caught you as Herman. - But you didn't catch Rosa. - [Raymond] Come out of there! (Jake sighs) - [Jake] As it turns out, our friend Rosa is great at picking locks. - That does not surprise me. - No, me neither. Of course I had to find
a way to get her out of your office without you seeing her. So I created a diversion. Not mistimed, perfectly timed.
(explosion booms) So she could escape unseen. - What about the pigeons? - Oh, the gray pigeons? They were a red herring, thank you. Their only purpose was to
draw you into the copy room while two members of my team
broke into your locked office. So now I had a way into your
office, and an open cabinet. All that was left was for the Royal babies to steal your keys. - Yes, but you didn't need the keys. The cabinet was already unlocked. You needed a way into the safe. - And I got it. You were so concerned with
getting your keys back, you didn't even notice the
Sergeant steal your phone. That's right, even the
Sergeant's on my side. I then had Charles dust your
screen cover for prints. The greasiest smudges revealed the four numbers you use the most. The four numbers in your passcode. Based on your advanced age I assume that you use the same
passcode for everything. Your phone, your email,
and of course, your safe. - That would be a fair assumption. - And as you walked over
here, Charles awkwardly stuffed himself through your
window and opened your safe. We had the four numbers of your code, which meant there were
24 possible combinations for Charles to try. That could take up to four minutes, which is why I really
dragged out this explanation. I mean really stretched it. I don't know if you noticed,
but there were times where I was like, "What
am I even talking about? "This isn't a," oh!
(watch beeps) But, now, four minutes is up. Which means Boyle is
either on the other side of that door holding
your medal, or I've lost. - Well Captain, it seems that Jake isn't the only person you underest-- (bell rings) - But now it's time for round
two of our Halloween bet. This year I believe I'll make things more difficult for myself. Let's say, what, I'll steal
the watch right off your wrist. - My watch is right here. - No, I made a switch, that's a fake. - No, this one's a fake. - What? No! What? No! What? No! You were behind all this. You played me! - Like Franz Bluheim plays the flute. - But how could you possibly have known I was gonna try and steal your watch? - I knew you would try to take
something important to me. During the year I drew
your attention to my watch You're eight minutes late. You're 14 minutes late. You're three minutes early. In Chicago. - You annoyed me into stealing it. - Exactly, now you had a
target, but you needed a plan. Fortunately it walked through the door, handcuffed to Diaz. - Scumbag pickpocket is Stan McCreary. He can take anything off of anyone. - Anything, anyone? - The look on your face, priceless. I put McCreary into my employ immediately. Fast-forward to this morning. You commenced your plan. McCreary stole my watch
and then replaced it with a replica, and while you celebrated, McCreary put my watch back in my pocket. The watch never left my person. Dun-dun-dun! (bell rings)
- Today is the most important day in the
history of this precinct. For today is Halloween Heist
3: the Heistening, tagline: - This year we both attempt
to steal the same object instead of Jake attempt
to to steal one from me. - I gave you one direction
on the tagline, snappy. But yes, we will be attempting
to steal the same item, this. (funky music) - I don't understand what is happening. - Allow me to explain. Amy and I were ahead
of you the whole time. - No, you weren't part of this. Get back over to the loser side, loser. - All right, worth a shot. - Remember when you set off the witch? (witch cackles) You made Captain Holt
flinch, which was weird, since his door was closed, but not weird, since he actually heard it over a bug he planted at your desk. It was in an old muffin that
you never threw in the trash. - That's why people throw away garbage. - How are we together? - Eh. - Anyway, I tapped into
the bug's frequencies, so I had ears on Jake. I needed to know what Holt was up to. That's where Hitchcock came in. - I masterminded the entire plan. - You did one small thing, and I had to explain it
to you, like, 45 times. He left a tiny crack in the blind, so I could read the Captain's lips. "Sharon and your kids will distract Jake. "They'll be here at 9:30 sharp. "My waffle xylophone on the cheese man." - What? - My lip-reading is not flawless. Now that I knew your plan,
it was simple to disrupt. While Scully gracefully moved the witch, I got into character. Holt triggered the witch, which
brought Jake into the room. - And I threw the crown in the trash can. - Exactly as I planned. - All hail the crown of destiny. (crowd cheers) This year's Halloween Heist
is a three-way tiebreaker to determine the champion of champions. We'll be playing for
this: a plaque that reads, "The Ultimate Detective/Genius". (dramatic music)
- 'Sup, losers? I have the real plaque, unh, unh! It was all me. Three weeks ago, Captain Holt
asked me to order a plaque that read, "The Ultimate
Detective/Genius". I did it, and I ordered three copies and a statue of Tyrese riding a dolphin. - Is that relevant? - To my life, yes. - Once I had the plaques,
I manipulated Captain Holt into choosing Boyle as his partner. All it took was six bottles of dish soap. See, this is what happens when Jake tries to wash dishes by himself. It's like he's helpless without Boyle. - Yes, he is helpless without Boyle. - And you fell for my trap
like a greedy little rat. - Easy. - Yes, it was easy. And the next phase of my plan, a quote unquote, skating accident. - But you knocked out
your two front teeth. - False teeth. Fake blood. I lost my real teeth at Jen Sutton's birthday party in fourth grade. Once I had faked the skating mishap, I swapped out a dummy
plaque for the real one. I came back, wearing the perfect disguise to make sure I was
never noticed by anyone. Something so drab and uninspiring-- - This feels like it's
gonna be a dig on me. - I wore Amy's clothes. - There it is. - This is your doing, you
and your male prostitute. - [Jake] Bill is not a male
prostitute, I don't think. - That suit is not drab. It has a fun salmon lining. - No, Amy, it made me invisible. And now that I had that
power, every time one of you stole a plaque, I replaced it with a fake. And no one had any idea
until the lights went out, revealing a secret
message, "Heists are dumb". And now here you all are, locked up behind the glass like
a bunch of loser fish. - [All] Gina Linetti is
the ultimate human/genius. - Thank you.
(bell dings) - This year, we compete for the most elegant and regal of all prizes. - A championship cummerbund. - Or belt, as normal people call it. This heist, the belt will not
be locked up or hidden away. It will be suspended from
the ceiling in plain sight for all to see. - How poetic, it will
hang just out of reach, like Tantalus's fruit. - [Jake] What's going
on, what's happening? - [Charles] I can't see! - [Hitchcock] Everybody
just grab something random. - [Rosa] Back off Hitchcock. - Silence! It's gone, the cummerbund is gone! - Hello, Jacob. - (yells) What, Ames,
what are you doing here? Why aren't you out looking for the belt? - You and I both know the
belt never left the precinct. - I don't know that, nobody knows that. - I kept thinking, "How
did anyone swap my key?" And then it hit me, they didn't. They swapped the safe. One of the handmaids, I'm
assuming fake Charles, took my safe, and then
Ofamy deposited a lookalike. What did you give fake
Charles so he'd help you? - Nothing, in fact, he gave me something, the power of financial freedom. I invested in a pyramid scheme. No time to go into it right now. - Okay so, while we
all tried to figure out who had the real key, fake
Charles broke into the safe, removed the tracker, and led
Terry and the whole squad on a wild goose chase. My only question is,
which box is the belt in? - Well, good luck figuring it out, because the clock is tick-tick-tocking. - It's that one. - No! - The dust pattern on top
doesn't match its neighbors. You see, Jake, I'm always
gonna be one step ahead of you. You've lost the ability to surprise me. Ya just plain boring. - Again, weird take on a
very loving relationship. - And it's midnight, so I guess
I'm an amazing human/genius. - You might wanna read the
inscription on that there belt. - Why, oh, no, what does it say? "Amy Santiago, will you marry me?" - Will you marry me? - Jake Peralta, I will marry you. (Jake sighs in relief)
(gentle music) - Jake and Amy. - [All] To Jake and Amy! - Great stuff, great stuff. So, since Peralta altered the cummerbund, no one really won the heist this year. Is that what everyone's thinking? - Captain. - Right, right, sorry, not the time. I'm so happy for you both. Technically, there was no winner. (bell rings)
