The Best EVER Episodes - Chosen By You! | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Mosey forward naming lights but pop comb your hair now typing motion pull it back jump forward pelvic pump you got it now all we need to do is run it all together and do it at full speed I must say Jeffers this dancing is quite distracting I've completely forgotten that we're trapped here in this death box inspected by Bozo Beverly between clown shows you know what sir I don't think you are thrusting your butt enough before the naming lights yes yes I felt that that note back to the top Oklahoma soon five six seven eight NYPD hands in the air your under arrest we'll read you your rights on the Pedal Pub Charles come on put on the zip ties move move hey what's taking so long look I can do it safely or I can do it quickly do it quickly oh I can't do it quickly you call my bluff oh the lights are on spank the bottom spank this Bob we will never speak of this again now we stage a fight the sheriff comes in to break it up we take him down [Music] foreign [Applause] stop it what are you doing it's 2016 man this is on you Rosa do you need to listen to try and drown up a sound of Ellen in the chat Factory over there my daughter got me a juicer for Christmas did you know that you could juice nuts what I'm two seconds away from juicing Ellen I know it's tough but Sarge oh can you at least put her on a leash she's a medical professional okay would you keep a doctor on a leash that dog does not help you with your foot pain you just want an excuse to bring her everywhere your dog is a fraud come on draw a dog frog dog frog dog both of you outside now look there's the buyer or maybe he's just actually saying hi to the chef why isn't he making the handoff oh crap he's us ah excuse me oh hey we were just looking for a place to uh blink yep boink that's my preferred term for it as well I get it really engage kids enjoy good good good good kept our cover in Tech nice work click professional thinking out there very quick very professional detective Detective it's back on the case so how was the restaurant such an normal time are you being weird Amy and I kissed what what cover from being blown we didn't have a choice tell me Charles it was just a kiss okay it was for work it was nothing yeah who cares about a kiss call me if you grab each other's asses so here's how our thing is gonna go every Hotel safe has an override code in case guests leave them locked that code is kept on the concierge's computer do you know who this is this is Matt Daniel the most popular male ASMR performer on Twitch ASMR performer someone who speaks real soft I also we're trying to stream and the noise on the eighth floor is unacceptable I'm so sorry I can't hear you yes that's the point Georgina this is taking too long make a video tell your 25 million subscribers to never stay at this crap Hotel no no I'll take care of it let me talk to my general manager strain your beautiful voice Boyle Larkin I want you working the J Street ax murder oh we're the butcher bimbos no the butcher base nope detective Boyle and his little butcher buddy oh I like that now that that's been sorted are there any questions yes I have a question Captain Jeffords are you ready for the Halloween Heist what are you doing Peralta last year was the final heist we all agreed it was over ah Terry you Jolly simpleton that was obviously a ruse I mean did you really think I was gonna let Hitchcock win the last Heist that would be crazy Hitchcock it would have been unforgivable that's true it felt wrong I know someone who's in the old janitor which is actually me Deputy Commissioner Raymond Holmes and he's not the only one I'm in two [Music] me too as am I Gina linetti that's right Terry this is happening every year we're in each other's lives forever whether you like it or not so what do you say captain are we doing this what I say is nine I call the game Real Ray or fake Ray and joining us is a very special contestant Captain Ray Holt himself [Applause] all right here's how the game works I will say a phrase you tell me if I made it up or if it's something that Captain Holt actually said in real life to an actual human being I understand the logic of this game great phrase number one futility of lighting candles only to blow them out immediately is just one reason I find children's birthday parties impractical that's all fake I say fake too I don't remember saying it so it must be fake it was real Harry's kids at their birthday party oh I remember now do another one all right phrase number two any smile that lasts longer than a second and a half is a con man's ruse I said it and I meant it yeah why don't you get in there with them but what the heck not my kids just got me a digital picture frame all right everybody say nine nine nine nine Raymond I love the scowl but could you slump your shoulders a bit more remember you're a man who just lost everything and done we got it Peralta are they totally shocked is Kelly like what just happened what just happened you've been had John you see when you handed me your unlock phone just now to snap that photo I cloned it to a secure network when you handed once you're locked phone yes I already said that part sorry I can't see or hear anything I'll just be quiet from now on I might chime in with a yeah here and there to stay in the mix great the only way to get you to trust me is if you thought I was betraying cult yeah and now I have access to all your personal correspondence including all Stingray authorizations it's over Kelly you're done okay you may have won this round Madeline but you're going to live to regret it you are both so gonna live to regret it I agree with what was just said Hey Jake I'm just gonna hold this down yeah sounds good thank you when did you hatch this player Peralta thought of it when I tried to quit the mission hey what's holds expression right now would you describe it as proud daddy it's hard to tell he's still piecing it together this could take a while why didn't you just tell me what was actually happening I wanted to sir but it involved trusting Madeline once and I just didn't think you could handle it I'm sorry that I lied to you sir sir oh no is he mad I can't see anything did he storm out no I stormed in to tell you it was a great play and nice work Peralta and there it is Captain let me tell you a little story you remember when I fell through your ceiling yes that was six hours ago it was I admit a disastrous failure but it gave me the idea for Herman the friendly janitor you met with Herman I commenced The Perfect Crime I caught you as Herman but you didn't catch Rosa come out of there as it turns out our friend Rosa is great at picking locks does not surprise me no me neither of course I had to find a way to get her out of your office without you seeing her so I created a diversion not mistimed perfectly timed so she could Escape unseen what about the pigeons oh the gray pigeons they were a red herring thank you their only purpose was to draw you into the copy room while two members of my team broke into your locked office so now I had a way into your office and an open cabinet all that was left was for the Royal babies to steal your keys yes but you didn't need the keys the cabinet was already unlocked you needed a way into the safe and I got it you were so concerned with getting your keys back you didn't even notice the sergeant steal your phone that's right even the sergeants on my side I then had Charles dust your screen cover for Prince the greasiest smudges revealed the four numbers you used the most the four numbers in your passcode based on your Advanced age I assume that you use the same passcode for everything your phone your email and of course you're safe that would be uh their assumption it was at that point that I bumped into a girl dressed as a sexy robot and we got our flirt on hard what's up what's up Jake Peralta and how was flirting part of the plant oh it wasn't it just ruled and that brings us to five minutes ago when Amy came to your office and told you that I had been arrested I knew she's the only one you would believe because frankly she's usually too lame to take part in these kinds of things and as you walked over here Charles awkwardly stepped himself through your window and opened your safe we had the four numbers of your code which meant there were 24 possible combinations for Charles to try that could take up to four minutes which is why I really dragged out this explanation I mean really stretched it I don't know if you noticed but there were times where I was like what am I even talking about this isn't oh but now four minutes is up which means boil is either on the other side of that door holding your metal or I've lost it seems that Jake isn't the only person you underestimate okay security system talk to me what have I missed what's going on aha I'll use cheddar to steal the belt but that's not cheddar Halt and ched are always walking a perfect lock step which means someone took cheddar and that person has the belt but who who took cheddar where are you coming from why do you care I thought you weren't heisting I'm not I'm just interested in your comings and goings because I care about you as a friend okay friend I went to the bathroom you were gone a long time friend you feeling okay friend no it was number two and it was very intense friend bless you she sneezed dog allergies which means that Amy took shut up where is my dog aren't you standing right next to him this please watch Jake Jake idiot I know one of you took cheddar and you did it for the sake of the heist but if anything happens to him I will end you I couldn't bring myself to neuter cheddar but I will neuter you all uh being bad cheddar cheddar Shake oh good grip pristine coat that's my doggy you betrayed me you'll explain yourself later return to my office hey I found popsicles these should help cool us down oh thanks Jake you're welcome nards Peralta Balthazar has a sister meat Penelope yeah Mom saw Maps let's not dwell on it we should get back to work or we could fall asleep for five to seven days and see how we feel I will not rest till Justice is served there's no time to waste this case is urgent oh boy all right listen the SE may not be quite as urgent as once thought um I dug it up out of my desk so you'd have something to do on weekends because you seem so lonely you cited chatter from the streets that Garibaldi had resurfaced I did I did I did but said chatter may have been fudged so you lied to me not a penny you pity me I wouldn't put it that way I would I am offended I am angry I am very tired so I'm gonna take a nap and when I wake up oh you are in for it [Music] how dare you how dare me how dare you I was just trying to help wow your help feels an awful lot like pity so do me a favor and don't ever help me again wow well you didn't seem to mind me helping you when I got you your job back at the 99. I didn't ask you to do that oh you said we were out of peas you pea you're the PO no you you do [Music] yeah according to organized crime Murphy has gone to ground and there are no leads oh that's great if he's on the Run he probably won't be worrying about Kevin and if you coach yourself in chum and swim with sharks you probably won't be eaten said they have eaten Chum covered swimmer while Murphy is at large he's still a threat so I'm going to be stuck here forever following these over-the-top security precautions no thank God the security procedures are about to become much more over the top say goodbye to your one hour of open window time but sir the stench it needs some way to escape I already feel as though I'm trapped inside of what are those things you're always eating pizza Bagels no pizza rolls no pizza poppers no pizzerios no pizza pockets that's it how much longer will we be forced to live inside this pizza pocket look I could tell you that it'll just be a few more weeks but you don't want me to lie to you Raymond I beg of you give me two hours at the library to work on my book just two hours it will make all the difference yeah I could go with them keep him safe their Library Sheamus's men could be lurking in the stacks I find that unlikely I understand but I disagree well then we are in disagreement you'll have to excuse me I'm sorry you got the width of such a vicious fight oh is that a fight you're kidding he said you'll have to excuse me instead of please excuse me might as well spit my face your journey huh right ah or a woman uh well lady uh women two women they're holding hands uh friends um uh sisters oh business partners uh um oh oh oh co-owners of a chocolate shop oh love love what do women love that George Clooney it's a wedding they're Brides they're in love Mom Dad I know you don't want to talk about this but I do I might get married to a man like you so clearly want and I might not because this is not a phase and I need you to understand that I'm bisexual there's no such thing as being bisexual yes there is I know there is because that's who I am I'm attracted to both men and women I've known this about myself for a really long time and I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid you were going to react exactly like you are what do you want us to say and you accept me for who I am wow okay let's go we are here today to celebrate the marriage of Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago I've known you both for the last five years and it has been a true pleasure to watch your distracting childish rivalry evolve into a distracting childish courtship and now into what I'm sure will be a distracting childish marriage I'm proud of you and I love you both permission to say it back permission granted I love you too sir love you captain now I believe you've prepared your own battles yes I was going to do an Adams Family themed wrap but my beatboxer isn't here that's the only reason it's not happening so Ames today has been a crazy day but I shouldn't be surprised because we've had a lot of crazy days there was our first date our first kiss the first time you told me you loved me and the day you told me you would marry me also yesterday and the day before that and the day before that because every single day that I get to be with someone as amazing as you is crazy to me I love you and I'm worried about dancing in front of our friends I've been playing if you told me yesterday everything that was going to go wrong I would have had a panic attack that sent me into the ER but I got here and I've never been happier life is unpredictable not everything's in our control but as long as you're with the right people you can handle anything and you Jake Peralta the right person for me and I do have some bad news there is a bomb at this wedding as well what your butt your butt is the bomb there will be no survivors I love you so much you're my dream girl I love you too can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you so this is how it looks to me you relying in an attempt to frame my client no no no no look even if we were lying about having a witness which you are the name is dead no it could have been a squatter or a hunter or a squatting Hunter not all Hunters have homes Peralta's point is legally you can say whatever the hell he wants in an interrogation true but that doesn't play so well with juries you screwed up and my client's leaving now he can't leave until I dismiss him you've had him for 10 hours and 45 minutes 15 more and we file a harassment claim great then I'll just keep him for 14 minutes seriously just to be childish are you doing I told you not to lie what were you thinking I thought it would work and I wanted to be the one that got him is this about your ego are you that desperate for everyone to know how great you are it's not about everyone okay it's just I wanted you to know oh my God [Music] he's not answering any questions that's okay I have no questions that's right I'm about to monologue son better make it quick you only got eight minutes all right then let me paint you a picture I'm Phillip a successful periodontist that's become addicted to diazepam a sedative I take because I'm junkie scum also for real addiction is a disease I would be super empathetic if you hadn't murdered a man what is the point of this I'll get there so one day I'm working late when my boss Robert surprises me he found out I was stealing meds again junkie's gone also again not your fault there's a major genetic component to addiction he says he's going to file a police report I could lose my license we fight and something in me just snaps so I grab the first thing I can find and I hit him with it you still have no murder weapon I do now here's a pic I found on Yelp of the surgical Suite six months ago and here's a shot that our crime scene photographer took up the same room two weeks after the murder notice any differences we're not answering that that's all right I can just tell you myself the Yelp shot has six of these heavy Looking Glass awards from the Brooklyn periodontics Society in the background whereas this shot only has five what happened to number six you murdered Robert with him you lost all control and you bludgeoned him to death there must have been blood everywhere but you got lucky you were in the surgical Suite it can be sterilized you never would have gotten away with it in your carpeted office that's not what happened don't say anything more and your office manager would have heard all of the screaming but she was at her grandson's play lucky again you're wrong you put Robert's body into a wheelchair and shoved it in the elevator it's a miracle there wasn't blood everywhere that's not true now you're in the garage with a corpse you panicked and left your phone in your office and you don't have your car keys but Roberts are in his pocket so you put him in his car and you take off you can't believe what you've done no you're flustered you have no GPS so you just start driving no next thing you know you're in the Pine Barrens and it hits you your uncle's cabin he has a place there you're the luckiest son yes it was you got lucky at every turn I knew exactly where I was driving I left my phone in the office on purpose I was in a surgical Suite by Design and I didn't use some glass award that any idiot would clearly see what's missing I made a rod out of a special dental polymer killed him with it then melted it back down it's already in a patient's mouth son oh damn oh damn oh damn and that is 3-0 dams oh damn [Music] foreign

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 1,160,115

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, brooklyn 99, b99, Stephanie Beatriz, Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, Detective Charles Boyle, Melissa Fumero, Detective Amy Santiago, Detective Jake Peralta, NBC, Terry Jeffords, Amy Santiago, Sitcom, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Gina Linetti, Terry Crews, Joe Lo Truglio, brooklyn nine-nine full episodes, brooklyn nine nine, brooklyn nine-nine funny moments, brooklyn 99 funny moments, b99 funny moments

Id: ut1n7eXsflk

Length: 22min 11sec (1331 seconds)

Published: Sat May 27 2023