Best Of Seinfeld Season 3

there's nothing I could do it's part of the code all plans between men are tentative if one man should suddenly have an opportunity to pursue a woman it's like these two guys never met each other ever in life this is the male code and it doesn't matter how important the arrangements are I mean most of the time they scrub a space shuttle mission it's because one of the astronauts met someone on his way to the launch pad they hold that countdown he's leaning against a rocket talking to her so listen when I get back what do you say we get together for some time I saw them as you on the doughnut shop uh-huh Joe the magic you know this time I went in and I sat down across from him and I really watched I studied his every move for example he dunks Joe DiMaggio dunks his doughnuts right see now I know it's not him Joe DiMaggio could not be a dunker oh he's a dunker why couldn't he be a dunker and nothing diverts his attention like I might you know I like I'm sitting in there you know and I start banging on the table you know to it so that little look up you know like I'm sitting there you know and I he wouldn't move so then I started doing these yelping noises like no reaction because the guy is so focused to see you can just block out anything that's going on see that's how he played baseball he dunks like he hits so then what well then the waitress she comes up and she tells me to shut up I just call out his name you know what they do in there did you see Cuckoo's Nest they put those electrodes in your head it's not really a mental institution it's more like a depression clinic she went out the Woodhaven and checked herself in I'm sick over this who told you this her roommate I've driven women to lesbianism before with never get the whis slippers all day friends visit they pity you pity's very underrated I like it it's good the woman looking for companionship spinster maybe a virgin maybe she got hurt long time ago she's a schoolgirl there was a boy didn't work huh it's now she needs a little tenderness she needs a little understanding needs a little cream very rare boys are sick but what a girls do we just tease someone till they develop an eating disorder you wouldn't believe the women at this club oh man it's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York I actually find it kind of intimidating well you're as pretty as any of them just need a nose job please please Isabel she is the most despicable woman I have ever met in my life I have never been so repulsed by someone mentally and so attracted to them physically at the same time it's like my brain is facing my penis in a chess game and I'm letting them win that let them win he wins till you're 40 then what he still wins but it's not a blowout I'll tell you the sex it was like an atom it was just completely uninhibited it's like going to the bathroom in front of a lot of people and not caring it's not like that at all are we ready come on get this show on the road you sure you want us here for this yes she's a doctor do it no he said I could do it okay here goes thanks I'm very exciting is like watching a birth it looks good great job you got butchered we have no mid-sized available at the moment I don't understand I made a reservation do you have my reservation yes we do unfortunately we ran out of cars but the reservation keeps the car here that's why you have the reservation I know why we have reservation I don't think you do if you did I'd have a car so you know how to take the reservation you just don't know how to hold and that's really the most important part of the reservation the hold I just don't enjoy being with them I'm meeting him for lunch at Chad ways around the corner do I have to break up with him face-to-face or can I just wait and do it over the phone well how many times you've been out with him seven face-to-face seven dates is a face-to-face breakup if it was six I could have let you go but seven I'm afraid is over the limit unless of course there was no sex hmm how's the pasta over there that is damn good scotch I go to a commercial for this stuff mmm oh that Hennigan goes down smooth and afterwards you don't even smell that's right folks I just had three shots of any guns and I don't smell magic you can walk around drunk all day that's any case no smell no tell scotch I'm gonna tell you what I think oh I know you don't care what I think but I'm gonna tell you I think you are terrific thank you hey what's that it's an early Christmas present my Christmas presents really for help for you say you got a big job interview and you're a little nervous well throw back a couple of shots of Hennig uns and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time and because it's out of us why it'll be our little secret Hey Table nine yeah that'll do I'm gonna get right to the point uh it's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office is that correct who said that she did was that wrong should I not have done that I tell you I got a plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon you know cuz I've worked in a lot of offices and italia people do that all the time you realize of course you're right naked dressed I don't see any difference you want to sit here what's different about something against the naked body I got something against yours I've got a couple deep knee bends maybe some squat thrusts who's got time for squat thrusts all right how about skipping breakfast I'm guessing you're not a half grapefruit and black coffee back I like a good breakfast I understand I like a good breakfast long as you don't wind up trapped in a room in bib overalls and pigtails being counseled by Dick Gregory I'm not ashamed of my body exactly that's your problem we've gotten to the point I'm flirting with operators on the phone I almost made a date with one oh so there's still hope I don't know hope is telling me my dream is to become hopeless when you're hopeless you don't care and when you don't care that indifference makes you attractive huh so hopeless this is the camp well Leo I'll go on the date but that's that hey you know my friend Bob Kocher madam another guy from Jersey yeah he just got a job at a condom factory medicine look at this it gave me a gross what are you gonna do with all of them oh wow come on take some care grab no thanks it looks like they came out of a cereal box come on lay in here take half of that I got half a bag what am i a hooker anyway I looked at it cheap oh I'll take one yeah it's possible by the way when you see Jorge give him these these will work I knew those condoms were defective oh how did you know they were defective because she missed her period mister period oh my god I can't believe it skip Park in the garage why I don't know I just can't nobody my family can pay for parking it's a sickness father never paid for parking my mother and my brother and nobody we can't do it I'm a flirt you don't understand ROG you pull in there it's like going to a prostitute why should I pay when if I apply myself maybe I could get it for free

Channel: Best-Of Montages

Views: 2,630,461

Keywords: Seinfeld (TV Program), Seinfeld - Season 3 (TV Season), Comedy (Theater Genre)

Id: g7JPliFLgR8

Length: 10min 54sec (654 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 16 2014