Expect A Call From HR | Seinfeld

foreign ER hey buddy hey it's eight o'clock in the morning what the hell is going on breakfast gotta be in at Brandt Leland by nine why because I'm working there that's why how long have I been asleep what years Jerry I don't know if you've noticed but lately I've been drifting aimlessly in my life structure and at Brandt Leland I'm getting things done and I love the people I'm working with how much are they paying no no no I don't want anything I'm doing this just for me clearly so uh what do you do down there all day GCB you know taking care of business yep I gotta go I'll see you tonight huh I forget my briefings [Music] people takes me [Music] and then assuming the strike is resolved on April 14th we play the Angels so let's clear a floor at the Anaheim Hotel Anaheim Hotel you may want to reconsider I believe they only have room service until 10 pm and then it's only finger foods Haley you're a Wonder okay now I projected some of those figures for you regarding me switch to canola oil for the stadium popcorn and surprisingly it will only cost a half a cent more per bag so it is definitely doable and I have to tell you I I have never met anybody so efficient well thank you I'm flattered you're just a Marvel of organization well I'm just doing my job it's like I'm I'm thinking of something and you know one step ahead of me what can I say I'm I'm good at what I do do you uh do you know what I'm thinking about now yes I think I do is it doable it's definitely doable [Laughter] this pen smells really bad so why do I keep smelling it is it too late for me to go to law school what is this you were out sick yesterday so we got you a get well cake it's carrot it's good for you too that's not even a song I mean now we're celebrating a sick day I think it's nice what what is nice trying to fill the void in your life with flour and sugar and egg and vanilla I mean we are all unhappy do we have to be fat too not you Becky I know you have a slow metabolism I don't want one more piece of cake in my office get well get well sick it's not happening can we still eat it [Music] anybody here Peter boy it's a cake walk get well get well soon we wish you to get well oh what a stirring Little Anthem of Wellness Elaine now we missed you went to get well party poor old Walters are polyp and not do one it's benign but who still a bastard Elaine no sir I can't inside that small college boy mini fridge is my latest acquisition a slice of cake from the wedding of king Edward the eighth to Wallace Simpsons Circle 1937 the price 29 000. little off the side perfect huh no point in wasting 1200 bucks [Music] oh Commander isn't the wedding marvelous okay oh I shouldn't I mustn't yeah what the hell to replace an antique piece of cake do you have anything that's been you know laying around for a while something pre-war would be just great oh you got the munchies I'm in big big big trouble I need a cake that looks like this Sotheby's yeah they make good cake do any of these look close no but I know I've seen cake just like that oh elements yeah well no they're not really in the supermarket yeah they got their own case at the end of the aisle Elaine excellent I'd like you to meet a friend of mine Erwin Lubeck hello Charmed all right brace yourself flew back you are about to be launched via pastry back to the wedding of one of the most dashing in romantic Nazi sympathizers of the entire British royal family I guess I'll just oh no Elaine stay back here is the world's foremost appraisal of vintage bass train all right low back how much is she worth I'd say about 219. 209 and glorious tip Willow you just made me a prophet of 190 000 no 2.19 it's sentiments do they have a castle at Windsor no they have a display case at the end of the aisle oh my God you're all right Peter when you look ill yeah well get well soon we want you to get well good well get well soon we want you to get well there you go big father that's big for me now I'm so key no on beaverino what a delicious Casino I got 34 more cats nice night for a handsome cab ride hey George you know George we haven't done anything romantic like this and years [Music] God it's 701 what have I done my whole plan is depending on Crema have I learned nothing how could I have made such a stupid mistake you'll never show up there he is right on time as usual yeah Mr Ross Mrs Ross my name is Cosmo and I'll be your driver for this evening we have blankets for your comfort I also have hot chocolate if the mood should strike you my favorite smell if we're all set to go why don't you two hop aboard and let me show you a little taste of old New York the way it once was happy anniversary Andres what up what is that I think it's the horse oh my God hey how's everything you need anything horrible excuse me what do you feed this animal well you know Olson hey yeah they like that stuff I can't take this all right turn this thing around we've had it we can't breathe right here hurry it up Rusty Rusty what happened what are you doing back so soon that's Rusty look I'm terribly sorry Mr Ross one never knows how the gastrointestinal workings of the equine are going to function thanks for nothing come on George let's go upstairs what the hell happened the horse is gassy must have been the beefarino beef Arena well I overbought hey check this out I Gotta Give the Christmas presents to everyone down at Kruger someone pulling a wattley a donation has been made in your name to The Human Fund what is that made it up The Human Fund money for people what do you think it has a certain understated stupidity [Music] oh Andy here is a little something for you oh thanks Phil loved us cigars incoming ow now Mr Kruger sir Merry Christmas not if you could see our books what is this The Human Fund whatever exactly George I got something for you I'm supposed to find a charity and throw some of the company's money at it they all seem the same to me so what's the difference twenty thousand dollars made out to The Human Fund oh damn I've locked myself out of my office again all right I'm going home take a look at this twenty thousand dollars from Kroger you're not keeping this I don't know excuse me I've been doing a lot of thinking this might be my chance to start giving something back if you want to give something back start with the twenty thousand dollars I'm serious you're gonna start your own charity I think I could be a philanthropist I Kick-Ass philanthropist I would have all this money and people would love me then they would come to me and beg and if I felt like it I would help them out and then they would all meet big time I'm gonna need as a driver George we've got a problem there's a memo here from accounting telling me there's no such thing as The Human Fund well there could be but there isn't well I I could I could give the money back yeah George I don't get it there's no Human Fund those donation cards were fake you better have a damn good reason why you gave me a fake Christmas gift well sir I I gave out the fake Cod because um I don't really celebrate Christmas I um I celebrate Festivus feminist Festivus and I was afraid that I would be persecuted for my beliefs they drove my family out of Bayside sir you making all this up too oh no sir Festivus is all too real and I could prove it if I have to yeah you probably should well Mr Kramer your list of shortcuts is most impressive yeah and this is just the Upper West Side wait until I get to the Village then you're going to see a magic show Mr Kramer just about every week some brass young hot head like yourself Saunders in here talking about faster routes and uh snazzier colors for the trucks the fact is we feel things are fine the way they are together [Applause] fire leaving Fire Supplies Warehouse there hey that's up top you gotta take Amsterdam stay out of this framer all right man [Music] are you okay cowboy where do you need to go I try to be back in the truck [Music] all right 48 let's go let's go we're gonna make a left onto Broadway now I want to advise against that who is this it's Kramer Kramer what the hell are you doing back there but Cosmo's got the Caboose thank you how did it start beats me what the hell's the fire department I'm gonna lose the whole store [Music] try the scanner see if you can pick up and Kramer you're all over the road [Applause] oh [Music] still here you're a Dynamo I can't believe I get paid for this I'll see you tomorrow how you doing hello [Music] you had sex with the cleaning woman on your desk who are who are you how did you do that I was sitting there in the office and the cleaning woman comes in I've always been attracted to cleaning women cleaning women chamber Maids yeah chamber Maids I'm attracted to them too is that it's a woman in your room so go ahead so uh she starts vacuuming back and forth back and forth her hips swiveling her breasts uh convulsing convulsing I don't know I'm trying to help you so then I asked her if she wanted a drink you don't drink I know but I couldn't think of anything else to say to her so you started drinking so we started drinking and uh I'll tell you I don't know if it was the alcohol or the ammonia but the next thing I knew she was mopping the flow with me and how was it well the sex was okay but uh I threw up from the hennigans good thing the cleaning lady was there [Applause] I'm gonna get right to the point uh it's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office is that correct who said that she did was that wrong should I not have done that I tell you I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon you know because I I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you people do that all the time you're fired well you didn't have to say it like that I I want you out of here by the end of the day what about the whole Christmas spirit thing any flexibility there nah wait she wanted me to give you this [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Seinfeld

Views: 1,539,159

Keywords: seinfeld, seinfeld theme, seinfeld bloopers, jerry seinfeld, seinfeld full episodes, jerry seinfeld stand up, seinfeld the contest, seinfeld stand up, best of seinfeld, larry david, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander, Michael Richards, Patrick Warburton, seinfeld best moments, Workplace, Work, J Peterman, Mr Lippman, Fire Engine, Cleaning Lady, Cleaning woman, Sex, Secretary, Kruger, John George O'Hurley Jr, Richard Fancy, Daniel von Bargen, Fire Brigade, Cake, Antique

Id: SvgYfX5STCk

Length: 19min 31sec (1171 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 25 2023