Lord of the Manor: Best of Cosmo Kramer

Kramer Kramer hold on a second I don't get this this woman has never been with a man her entire life I'm Kramer you're big trouble son sir very grand marseille possession of stolen conscience and murder so keep your spread just make love to that wall pervert so what do you do down there all day TCB no taking care of business okay you're checked in thank you here's your AIDS repot no effect you don't want to wear an AIDS ribbon uh no no but you have to burn aids rivet I have to yes yeah see that's why I don't want to but everyone wears the ribbon you must wear the ribbon what you are you're a ribbon bully it's routine surgery oh yeah my friend Bob Sakamoto he came in here for a birdie operation oh yeah routine surgery now he's sitting around in a chair by a window gone look at this sandwich is terrible where you go they always give you this miss shaped shoddy meats look likely this food was in the shower with you maybe I prepared it as I bathed you know when I first met your creamy used to wear jeans all the time yeah well I was a different man then with a different body hey I got the body of a tought preteen Swedish boy hey we're ordering Chinese food if you want anything let me know what No well what if it's an emergency so there's no emergency Jay come on it's an emergency you want food don't you it's not for me it's for Hildy the waitress I was telling you about she's hungry she wants food if I go back in there without any food so I got out of the seat and I started walking towards him he says where do you think you're going Cracker Jack I says well I got a little prize for you buddy Wow yeah knock him out cold how could you do that then everybody is screaming because the driver he's passed out because all the commotion the bus is out of control so I grabbed him by the collar I take him out of the seat I get behind the wheel now I'm driving the bus you're Batman yeah yeah I am Batman then the mugger he comes to and he starts choking me so I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other you know then I managed to open up the door and I kicked them out the door you know with my foot you know what the next stop you can't make it all the stops well people kept ringing the bell you see smart constant motion hey oh yeah yeah I'm watching YouTube but this guy's really showing me something you think that dentists are so different from me and you they came to this country just like everybody else in search of a dream Wally's from Jersey yes and now he's a full-fledged America Kramer he's just a dentist yeah and you're an anti den tight yes you see isn't that better than fighting animosity I mean you want to fight with somebody you fight with me oh by the way George you know those condoms I gave you they're defective don't use them defective defective and even think you were gonna use yeah I'm on first in first in the same street and her sit with itself must be at the Nexus of the universe what are you doing I'm thinking the board with me see the beauty of my book is if you don't have a coffee table it turns into a coffee table you're swimming in the East River the most heavily trafficked overly contaminated waterway on the eastern seaboard technically Norfolk has more gross tonnage could you swim in that water that's a couple other guys out there swimming well floating they weren't moving much but they were out there well that report was about one very specific type of retractor and I can assure you we do not use that retractor in your friends procedure but you will use a retractor we have to tell you what you're obviously concerned about your friends welfare a few of my students will be observing tomorrow's operation from the viewing gallery how would you like to watch it with them I'd love to watch the operation yeah I don't know oh come on Jerry you got to see the operation you're gonna cut him open his guts will be all over the place you're not sure they'll solve through bone we'll see what's inside bone hello and welcome to Moviefone if you know the name of the movie you'd like to see press one come on using your touch-tone keypad please into the first three letters of the movie title now you've selected agent zero if that's correct press one what you selected brown-eyed girl if this is correct press one why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you sir someone's in a life-and-death situation and we're thinking well sorry buddy should have thought of that when you're eating cheese omelets and sausages for breakfast every morning for the last 30 years so you gotta use it I don't think so it's funny I like to do my helmet era that's as good as anything you do I mean what are you thinking about Jerry marriage family well the prisons man-made prisons you're doing time you get up in the morning she's there you go to sleep at night she's there it's like you got to ask permission to to use the bathroom is it alright if I use the bathroom yeah and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating I can oh yeah you know what because it's dinnertime have you know what you do at dinner what you talk about your day how was your day today did you have a good day to day or a bad day today yeah what kind of day was it I mean how could you to keep this a secret from me it's not true enough life the line is through come on Jerry the masquerade is over you're thin late thirties single so are you yeah we don't good yep good change topless yo-yo ma Vidya you gotta pass it over now yeah come on I get upset a lot of that she did I say what's wrong these are not doing it she could give me that phone I like it too much it's why I can't make a move you put her on a pedestal I put them on a dental chair he puts him on a dental chair I'm not her boyfriend I want to be a boyfriend it's like a sauna in here l know that this relationship isn't working so Allison and I think that the best thing to do is just make a clean break we're gonna discuss this we just don't think you're ready for a serious relationship I didn't even know you wanted to get serious so what am I in this for no I'm getting to a point in my life where I need something more than just a good time Gerry you don't understand that's the way they talk in Italy they sing to one another may I have one of those Madame what I mean breasts big breasts why a lot of older men have that not these these were real hooters now look at this mind you this is just a prototype you want me to wear a bra no no a bra is for ladies me the bro I knew something was there so I reached my hand then cut around and about the obstruction what what is that a Titleist hole-in-one it's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York I actually find it kind of intimidating oh you're as pretty as any of them just need a nose job just see what's going on here nobody there's no jockeys the only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine Kramer say it isn't so we'd be so I'm out there cheering I'm a minute look at you why don't you do something with your life sit around here all day you contribute nothing to society you just taking up space how could I be with someone like you and respect myself prey I take it all back everything I take it all back everywhere I love you so what did Tim say well hey I got a car after skills looks like he gave me some novocaine oh I'm Wars so what about the penthouse to jaska well he said that you know helps his patients relax a little bit he's got a new policy adults only adults only yeah the hell is going on with it you know it's great you know you don't know kids allowed you don't have to walk your language you find the need to use a lot of obscenities at the dentist when they pull that Neil out I like to export it I'm out what gamma I'm out of the contest Cosmo Kramer yes man help you oh yeah doctor Cosmo Kramer proctology why did you force that mint on me I told you I didn't want the big but I didn't believe you how could you not believe me who's gonna turn down a junior men it's chocolate it's peppermint it's delicious that's true it's very refreshing cigarette no no I never touch me well I suck him down like coca-cola well here's to feeling good all the time looks like you got yourself a little cold there I don't think so me neither

Channel: License to Review

Views: 6,187,232

Keywords: seinfeld, lord, manor, cosmo, kramer, costanza, newman, best, scenes, moments, quotes

Id: JtA8gqWA6PE

Length: 13min 51sec (831 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 22 2013

Reddit Comments

[u/thesohoriots]

His physical comedy is great. Also funny in UHF.

[u/[deleted]]

What’s the deal with politics?