When Did You Know Your Ex Was Insane?

at what point did you realize your ex was crazy first girl i ever dated with any seriousness she'd broken it off with her aches carl a few days before we started dating i would later find out i was number three in a steady stream of rebounds this girl couldn't survive without being attached to someone like a parasite one day a few weeks into our being together i notice she's a little preoccupied looking at one of the rings she's wearing so just to strike up some conversation i ask her about it she shoots me an accusatory look to start as if i wasn't supposed to notice her blatant disregard for everything else going on around her finally she held the hand with the ring up to my face so i could get a good look at it and said don't ever wear this ring promise me i asked why not as she explained she took off the ring and placed it in my hand so i could spend more time looking at it and presumably understand the weight of the situation because carl gave this ring his personal blessing and he was a person of tremendous darkness i thought it meant he loved me but last night the archangel gabriel came to me in a vision to warn me that if you ever wear this ring you'll die i put on an incredibly serious expression held the ring up between index finger and thumb then murmured you mean like this while slipping it on my finger a few days later she was latched on to someone else he had a temper tantrum and bit me the argument was about how i felt he was too selfish and immature to have kids she slept with another guy because i changed my shirt in front of a mixed group of girls and guys uw witch x one attempted to elicit sympathy from me when she cheated on me with her boss because he did her in the butt four slit her wrists when i broke up with her while i was there downed a bottle of pills when i broke up with her after reneging on the first break up so that she wouldn't kill herself i forced my hand down her throat to save her faked a pregnancy to get me to stay with her when i freaked out that she was pregnant she became enraged and said we should break up when i agreed she then locked herself in the bathroom with a knife called her mother asking what to do her mother didn't believe me when i told her what was happening i checked her into a mental hospital after i got her out of the bathroom her mom then believed me five when i was robbed at gunpoint she got p at me for being where i was on the street my brother lived on she stayed p off at me for days six she freaked out after meeting my twin brother because of how happy my brother and i were when we hung out she then said she didn't even know me anymore this quickly escalated into a breakup scenario she had bipolar disorder seven broke into the locked bathroom with my phone in her hand furious that an xgf had texted me merry christmas said i had to move out that night if i didn't swear to never speak with an xgf ever again this was part of a pattern of her checking my phone and computer whenever i wasn't looking that escalated quickly when i was at work she called me up enraged that she'd found a chat session on my computer where i told my brother about her going up a [ __ ] on me about the xgf situation when i came home she'd thrown all of my belongings into the foyer of the house and said she was going to set them on fire she then told me we're finished when i said okay and started packing my things she flipped out and started punching me over and over again but the thing that really got to me is when she spit up the omelette i'd made right in front of me because it was disgusting everybody loves my omelets she was just a crazy bee everybody loves my omelets she was just a crazy bee awesome one tried to obtain a 50 share of my house my house my mortgage my bills etc and she thought she could have half because we had been dating and she had lived here despite paying nothing two then accuse me of domestic violence to my parents and the police three tried to blackmail me to pay her ten thousand pounds to make her go away four sent anonymous letters to my government workplace alleging that i was taking drugs and stealing equipment from work five reported me to the police for smashing up her car after she freaked it up i was on a three-day it course for work 250 miles away at a time thank goodness yep dodge a bullet with that one i don't think dodger bullet begins to cover it sir my ex-boyfriend had many crazy moments i would say one of the most what the frick just happened moments was one morning when we were cuddling he asked me to give him a [ __ ] i asked him if we could maybe kiss a little if he could maybe finger me just to warm me up a little he said forget it i don't want to do anything to you i just want a [ __ ] don't talk to me anymore he turned away from me and ignored me for the next half hour despite my trying to talk to him and apologize yes i found myself apologizing he turned to me and asked me to leave his house when i said no he took out his phone and started to call the cops so i left this man was mind games at their worst i hate how those really crazy ones can do something horrible and at the end you're the one apologizing she dumped me because i ordered her food and she got weirded out by me knowing what she liked this was nine months into the relationship said she loved me before our first date had my space stalk me for about a year before we met had a tattoo of me as a voodoo doll with the date of our first date get pissy whenever i mentioned an actress i liked but would get gaga over actors she liked threw a tantrum on the vegas strip when some girl looked at me and fantasized about me killing her and cooking her body i feel so sane right now when she would call me drunk at 2 am i should point out she was 15 at the time i was 16 pretending to be a different woman trying to seduce me to prove i would cheat on her i would like to also point out that she was calling my cell phone from her cell phone it told me who she was before i even answered i believe that might be evidence that she's [ __ ] actually i was slow to realize she was nutty she told me she wasn't taking her meds because cause i was more of her true personality i didn't even know she was supposed to be on meds but i wasn't surprised in the least to find out went on a camping water skiing trip she called the night i got back before i was even home accusing me of messing around with pretty much everyone there after we broke up she threatened to come to my house and steal my cat to be fair my cat is awesome a week or so after we broke up she sent me a text saying she thinks we should get back together i just sent sorry back she flew off the handle and went off attacking me calling me names and accusing me of something else i wish i could remember the specifics because it was amusing to me but also sad for her as if that was going to make me want to get back together with her after we broke up she threatened to come to my house and steal my cat that's crossing the line nobody steals kitty he sent me anagrams and korean phrases to translate because i had to prove how much i still loved him after he wanted to break up with me one night as a joke he closed my mouth and nose for 15 seconds telling me goodbye it was nice he slept and ate with leather gloves same as op he told me to hang up i did he called me one moment later how could you and refused to answer me on the phone for hours while he sent me dying notes on my cell phone he told me that we will face a world war three caused by china and i had to believe him otherwise i would be doomed when i asked him to tell me what went through his mind he told me that i could find the answers in the black book i still don't know what it meant he pretended to have another personality for two months the other personality was a very skilled pianist who was a ghost and came when he had panic attacks when i started to believe it he told me that wasn't true because i liked better the other personality sorry for my bad english i have tons of other stories about this but i can't remember at the moment if you want to know something else just tell me i know it looks like freaking twilight but i swear that's the truth but if you hadn't said otherwise i wouldn't have known english wasn't your first language we were dating less than a month when she told me she loved me i told her i didn't feel the same that's not the crazy part she then gave me the ultimatum that i had until the end of the summer to love her when i did break up with her she attempted suicide her suicide note said she was leaving me the money in her mutual fund because she wanted me to go to college that was the sweetest and most insane thing i will ever read i'm going to go out on a limb here and say that end of the summer thing wouldn't have been all the way insane had she parted with you amicably when your time was up in order to find someone as infatuation-wise she was rather than attempting to kill herself when i read the chat logs stating he had been doing see and cheating on me with multiple women the entire time we were living together and that he was never a student at all while i was under the impression he went to college for mechanics he was actually just leaving the house in the morning and skateboarding all day you should probably get an std test first ever girlfriend told me that she was abused by her cousin as a child i took this very seriously consoled her and asked her if she had ever done anything about this or told her parents she said yes he was put to death by electric cher we live in ireland i got sick and went to the dock and found out i was being poisoned by household cleaning agents little bits at a time from my scumbag wife she is now my crazy ex-wife she got a real bad case of postpartum a week after my son was born my wife started acting very strange she became really manic depressive she was also very ocd about cleaning the house so about a month later i started getting really sick i was very fatigued throwing up unexplained pain mental changes squirts my doc ran all kinds of tests he found that my thyroid was acting strange from hormone levels but other side effects didn't explain it he checked my other organs my other test showed signs of poisoning so they tested for chemicals they found traces of cleaning chemicals they were fancy chemical names i cannot pronounce them my doctor acted as if i was doing it to myself so i immediately went home and confronted my wife because i started to put two and two together my wife denied but would say crazy crap to me to frick with my head as if she did i immediately left the house with my son i wasn't thinking clearly and i didn't collect any evidence to prove it because of my government job my lawyer said the media would eat this crap up so i decided to just divorce her he has done a great job so far of keeping her away from me and whenever she decides to pursue after my son he does what he has to to make her go away her family is getting her help she wasn't really in her right mind while doing this to me i will probably never trust another woman again the same this crap scars you for life i think if i ever saw her i would probably rage and karate chop her in the neck and rip her nipples off i'm better now but i'm left with a hypothyroid and it will have to be removed i have went from 250 pounds down to 180 pounds reminds me of that ama by that girl whose boyfriend slipped her steroids except he was trying to make her fat rather than dead argument on the phone until 4am about if we ever broke up would you date someone else well yeah we'd be broken up in this scenario with the following several hours filled by her explanation of why she would not and why my options in life array to stay with her forever or be to die alone epilogue we broke up about a year later she was engaged to someone else before i had another girlfriend he yelled at me for timing my contractions wrong when i was about to give birth to our daughter ahahaha sounds like a real butt no you're doing it all wrong here just let me do it i had to fake crying to get her to finish me off classic possibly one of the most pathetic things i've ever read right around that time he shoved my head into a syndra black wall i've kissed a lot of frogs bachelor number one pulled a knife on me because he had a dream i slept with his friend luckily i was more mystified than scared and simply took it from him and said seriously worth noting his mom once threw a bunch of plates of my head and then offered to buy me a plane ticket to make up for it the crazy didn't fall far from the tree bachelor number two was actually referred to by my friends as crazy eric which should have been my first clue i could go on about this one he frequently thought he was the budder he was pretty sure i was sleeping with everyone this included a jewish friend of mine that prompted him to send me a full-on crazy person letter with bizarro auntie semitic ramblings such as you'll never be able to get the smell of burning jew off your body he thought i was placing ads in the paper to flaunt my other relationships he gave me a box of dirt as a gift at an art show he thought i had fricked one of the painters because i looked at his work with him he cut up his face once to prove something to me and i don't even remember what it was after i finally broke up with him he tried to get back together for a long time he still occasionally sends me emails telling me he forgives me bachelor number three was actually just kind of clingy and annoying while we were dating he didn't go for the glory until i broke up with him we had been living together for a few months but it had been his place before that so i went to stay with friends that night and said i'd be back tomorrow to clear out i left my cats there because like i said he didn't seem that crazy when i came back the next day he had changed the locks at first i still didn't get it it seemed like a reasonable thing to change the locks when your partner moves out i rang the doorbell no answer so i called him that's when i noticed him peering out the top story window like the hunchback of notre dame he answered the phone and informed me that my cat was locked in a room where he was not going to give it any food or water so he hoped breaking up with him was worth it because my cat was going to die i calmly stated that i was calling the police but that he had better hope they showed up before i finished bashing in the window because if i got in that way i was going to take the glass i knocked out of the window and stabbed him with it when the police did arrive he tried to spin it like he was barricaded in because of those threats the officer actually told him not to be a pee and that girls wouldn't threaten to stab him if he didn't steal their cats have an upvote the officer actually told him not to be a pee and that girls wouldn't threaten to stab him if he didn't steal their cats i was freaking my ex via the cowgirl position she was sort of frog-legged squatting on me next thing i know she plops off my dong moves up my torso and takes a crap right on my chest she then scooches her butt cheeks up down and all around smearing it all over the place i had little time to react the poop flew out of her in less than a second like stepping on a tube of toothpaste i sat in shock for which seemed like an eternity but must have been about 5-10 seconds i literally bucked her off me bolted to the shower and cleaned off i contemplated the strange noises she was making while holding her tea and smearing the crap all over my chest kinda like a h n n ng sound the kind you make when pooping i decided to end the relationship right then and there after i dried off of course when y'all gotta go you gotta go if you loved me you would steal things for me like petty crap from hot topic you just works all the time at that time i was working a part-time job at a gas station she got really into drugs and asked me to try a bunch of different drugs with her when i refused she called the police and told them i hit her i didn't leave because the cops would think i tried to flee or some other rationalization i made up at the time they ended up finally getting in and seeing that she was fine i said i wanted to leave because i didn't want to be with her anymore and they said i could go home the best part was that her dad didn't know she called the police and he thought they were there to boost him for all his coke in his room so he gave them a real hard time getting in the house they got a warrant later and came back and arrested him i stopped reading at hot topic when she mixed up a pill dude my wife's friend's ex was pretty freaked up we noticed it when he tried to get my wife to deliver his message to her friend on facebook she had blocked him and my wife refused he then sent a message back where he said that he would word for word freaking execute all of your bastard pets something about the fact that he berated animals for being conceived out of wedlock made me laugh uncontrollably when she decided to dump me so she could date a homeless man her entire family was on my side as they literally watched her throw her life away this sounds remarkably like my ex-stepmother when he threw down all his groceries made a scene and walked out of the grocery store because he didn't like the way i said no to orange juice with pulp i knew my ex was crazy way before we started dating or else i never would have considered it sanity is for the weak a you want people who act goofy and somewhat crazy but deep down hold on to enough rationality not to snap there are people who believe in magic and pretend to be baby unicorns and there are people who will cut you while you're sleeping and drink your blood you want to be close to the line without going over she admitted to using blackmail extortion manipulation and other dirty tricks to become an admin on a psychology forum she accused me of using her as a practice relationship she accused me of not loving her breasts and that i loved her but too much which was complete bulls i loved all of her but she hated it when i touched her stomach or breasts she tried to get me to kill myself and after we broke up she spread nasty lies about me to her friends and made up these i am conversations to have me and the person i dated after her breakup what a wonderful psychology for and that must have been he held me by the shoulders and said if you ever left me i would kill myself broke up with him maybe a month or two later he's still alive though i'm making a note here huge success when she manually scooped my depleted spunk into her while crying about how she wanted a baby we were 17. well you see son mommy was crying and trying to shove daddy's sperm inside of her with her pointer fingers and that's how we got the blessing that you are i flew my hot little 19 year old at a time self down to virginia to see him with a suitcase full of lingerie he ignored me to play wow all weekend and when i got upset and cried because my boyfriend who i'd been with for three years suddenly didn't seem to care about me at all he explained that he was going to surprise me with my own wow account so we could spend more time together omg i think we dated the same guy expect i did play with him for a little and he even ignored me in the game when she suddenly stopped returning my calls and told her roommates not to let me in without explanation or warning i passed a message through them to try to meet her in a public place to ask her what was up she phoned me up and agreed then called the cops and told them i was threatening to kill her that was a tip off one gf decided i'd given her an std and demanded i go get a chlamydia test despite having not slept with anyone for many months before her and being completely faithful for men this means a metal q-tip down the dong her std turned out to be a yeast infection two gf told me she'd been violated insisted on telling me a very elaborate story in which she and a friend of hers were dragged to the basement of city hall on new year's eve and repeatedly assaulted a year later she tells me while we were both on lsd that this had been a lie she said she felt weird about freaking and decided that the best way to explain this to others was to say she'd been violated this despite our active and very good private life three gf thought she heard me say some girl's name in my sleep hit me as hard as she could with a pillow waking me up i instinctively backhand her before i realize what i'm doing she'd hit me really hard and i'd been dead asleep yes i know that's a crappy excuse and then had me kicked out of her dorm for striking her called me an hour later to apologize for a female friend sent me a get well card gf demanded i call her and tell her off i refused and said she should call herself and tell my friend it wasn't appropriate dumb idea because she calls looks me in the eye and says frick off you freaking see the fighters caused involved kicks and a thrown glass five we broke it off in 1993 in 2009 she contacts me from out of the blue and says she's still got a bunch of the flyers and newspaper columns i did in college and did i want them back i googled her email addie and discovered she was a member of some pro anorexia groups i asked wtf what's up with that and she flips out decides i'm a stalker i say oxby and she gets even angrier sending a bunch of emails saying i am a huge liar and phony etc calls me the next day saying i think we got off on the wrong foot can we be friendzoned no i instinctively backhand her before i realize what i'm doing she'd hit me really hard and i'd been dead asleep yes i know that's a crappy excuse actually that's one of the very few valid excuses given that it's a primal instinct to beat an attacker if hit while sleeping there was nothing you could do about it long long time ago married a lovely smart reasonable woman after a few years i realized that every holiday long weekend drop of a hat we ended up at her parents house we never had time as just us i arranged a long weekend on labor day three nights reservations fun stuff to do she said i was so romantic two days before the event to her mother calls not a big deal her mom often called she gets on the phone with mom tells mom we are going away for the long weekend just the two of us i could hear mom screaming through the telephone all the way across the room wife was crying begging to be allowed time with my husband mom does not relent wife says that we have to go to moms and we did forfeiting reservation deposits much discussion negotiating therapy after the long weekend she owns up that she cannot disobey her mother my employer offers me a promotion big raise but i have transfer all the way across the country when i tell her to pack she says no there is no negotiation no discussion just no i take the job and move we divorced the only saving grace is that we had no kids jesus i'm sorry dude this takes me a few years back i had to buy a pregnancy test for her before we had fricked and she was a virgin she wouldn't eat any food that she hadn't bought and literally held in her possession because she was afraid that someone would poison her including her entire family and myself but i think the end all was when i turned 17 and got my license she cried and ran away from home because she said that i was going to use it to pick up women and frick them in my car yeah it was an interesting time i had too crazy excess that hated each other they would constantly compete for my attention one night while at my local watering hole singing karaoke with my buddies both crazies walk in they started talking to each other in the corner like they were best friends the next thing i know the two of them are singing a duet together what sing might you ask brandy and monica the boy is mine bonus one of these girls was a cutter who would punch mirrors and cut the insides of her thighs with the glass shards extra bonus the other girl while riding on top of me during freaking proceeded to start crying and tell me how much she loved me oddly she never got out of rhythm there's no shame in crimexing on the phone with my then girlfriend her so what books do you like me oh well right now i'm liking the harry potter series her the book is full of witchcraft that involves the devil jk rowling is satan thankfully it didn't get too serious before i found this out next book on my reading list is the necromonican after five months of dating my ex-boyfriend was talking about getting married and having kids he said he wanted five or more mind you we were still in high school i know the frick out of that relationship her friend was going down on me at her suggestion she grabs the back of the girl's head and forces her down until she gags and comes up coughing her friend looks a bit confused and is trying to breath and my ex slaps her across the face and goes that's not how you please daddy broke up with one guy after he got particularly clingy and as a means to win me back wrote a pretty extreme and long love letter i'll die without you etc in his own blood on a large piece of white fabric one said i love you after two weeks of knowing each other not dating just knowing each other i said no you don't two said anyone who believes in evolution is an idiot three got really drunk fell through a glass table then ate chicken parmesan entirely with his hands no plate nothing in bed i have so many more so so many but these are some highlights of the relationship forks and plates are not necessary when that's drunk she didn't like the fifth element after we broke up with the icing on the cake she walked into a party stone sober within a half hour she had finished a bottle and pee on a chair wait i mean she used a chair in the living room where everyone was partying as a toilet i mean she literally pulled her pants down and pee an entire pee on this chair she thought was a toilet that's one classy dame thinking back on it i have no idea how i stayed with him after even one of these he cheated on me while i was pregnant with two different girls his ex showed up at our house and told me that she had lost 100 pounds because of his mind games he stole 10k from his own mother he stole my atm card in the middle of the night and would go buy a bunch of boost to sell to college kids to get money for coke he spent our rent money on coke anytime i made a friend he would find a way to sabotage it i got fired from several jobs because he would show up while i was working and act psycho every time i tried to leave he would threaten to kill himself take my car keys not let me leave the house punch me in the face he got fired from a really good job for stealing from his work i tried to kill myself and he lay down in bed with me and didn't even notice all the blood yes i have left him now and have a restraining order but crap should have done it so much sooner i don't see how spending money on soda is a problem you have been visited by the it lizard upvote or experience bad internet for a month like and subscribe you magnificent person

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Keywords: crazy ex, crazy ex girlfriend reaction, crazy ex girlfriend, realize, the moment, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: E6UTurGQh4U

Length: 28min 17sec (1697 seconds)

Published: Sun May 03 2020