Asmongold Reacts to "The Ridiculous Lore of Goblins" | By Platinum WoW

the ridiculous lore of the goblins warcraft can be a pretty serious universe there are tons of dramatic epic battles and harrowing stories of pain and climactic earth-shattering events which have immense effects on the world and trump when you have the goblins because they're stupid [Music] the history of the goblins the history of the goblins that's bobby kodek and behind him is blizzard and then the cup are the employees and the players tears and that's the way it goes that's life there it is is the absolute ant of the music i didn't even notice subjects in warcraft the [ __ ] talking about today is all cannon and is some of my favorite stories ever told on azeroth and most of it has to deal with the goblins and their immense love of gold but goblins weren't always at the top of the economic food chain no they weren't like most racists on azeroth they started out with very humble beginnings and dealt with a foe you might be familiar with ragnaros deathwing labor ain't free [Music] that depends on where you live the [ __ ] is this thousands of years ago the goblins were enslaved on the island of kazan by their zandalari master smart now when the trolls first arrived to the island they discovered an incredible ore called cagemite this valuable resource is something they would use for their shamanistic rituals so they paid the goblins with shiny trinkets another random i think that the chasmide if i remember right the chasmite literally made the goblins smarter and so the goblins used to be really smart and now the actual lore of the game is the goblins slowly get dumber and dumber because they have less of the crystals around things to put them to work as the goblins worked they realized that there was an incredibly immense amount of the ore under the island there sure was so they decided that maybe enslaving the goblins would be a much more practical i would just make for thousands of years the goblins were forced to suffer in the cagemite mines harvesting the precious green ore for their troll rulers good but little did the zandalari know cagemite was no regular ore the dust the goblins inhaled from the ore had the incredible ability to expand their intelligence it's cocaine deep within the mines the goblins it's called genius gadgets and gizmos what the futural [Music] oh my god jesus can you guys ever notice in every single troll storyline the trolls take the l like every single time that the trolls are like they're they're in control or of something somehow they they end up taking the l indirectly trolls are actually the dumbest they are the dumbest race on azeroth like they got taken over by the night elves now they're getting outplayed by a little green piece of [ __ ] that's that's all that's high on crack rocks they are stupid man i thought this was so funny when they added this into the game [Music] i feel like the way that goblins look and talk they just belong in a trailer park just like the the the way that they talk it's like just straight up like they belong in a [ __ ] trailer park man the battle was a decisive victory and now the intelligently emboldened goblins created a bustling city on the island of kazan they built their metropolis above ground but there was also an underground city called the undermined but we have never seen that one in game what's the same deal i'm waiting to see if they're gonna ever have that fled or enslaved the goblins started to turn on each other most of them split into various groups called cartels many rose and fell but the prominent ones that have stood the test of time are the venture company the steam wheedle and the bilgewater yeah coalitions i never thought of it during battles called the trade wars yeah these wars were not the traditional wars you'd expect it was messy and violent skirmishes all throughout the city oh it's a bomb say hello to my little friend i am the little friend i like how uh a lot of these this is probably the most realistic part of the story you know like if you were to translate any part of the warcraft story to real life that's pretty much it i'd say that that pretty much sums it up right there on screen say hello oh what the [ __ ] we know that there was i didn't notice what that was total trade wars and the final war was called the peace war which was actually the most violent one although there were many wars all of them had the same result that sounds really just like real life too you know name it something name it the exact opposite of what it is and that way you can't criticize it for being what it is because it's literally called the opposite of what it is makes sense it was all just needless violence in the pursuit for power eventually the cartels made a truce and decided to battle it out in the economic arena instead also the cashmite deposits under kazan did not last forever and as the supply ran out so did their intelligence leading their inventions to be rather unreliable which became a staple in goblin engineering they literally got dumber because they ran out of crack rocks i love it the cartel we know most about in warcraft lore is the bilgewater the former trade prince was called prince maldi but i don't believe that i don't i don't believe that i don't believe that's his [ __ ] name there's no way [ __ ] oh [ __ ] okay um all right all right great awesome this prince had gotten a bit soft over the years and started to let his guard down yeah a recipe for bankruptcy in goblin society true like a financial shark with razor sharp teeth an up-and-coming businessman named jaster gallywix exploited this weakness gallywix played the long game and bought out all of moldy's staff and replaced them with his own mercenaries he bought out his manor he bought the store mold he rented his jewelry from jesus and he also destroyed his fleet of trade ships you've got to be kidding me but wait maldi did have a daughter called nessa which gallywix had fallen madly in love with it's beautiful then asked her to marry him when they first met she refused you think you're better than me just yeah that's the first just as soon as they met man i like that like he didn't even he don't wait a minute as soon as they met he's like all right will you marry me that's it she refused yeah listen i mean the guy i mean is a little out of shape you think you're better than me so he subsequently exiled both of them from kazan and yo shout out to my boy gallywix he ain't he ain't on that simp [ __ ] he ain't gonna sit around chasing that girl for the next 10 years of the storyline he sent that [ __ ] to the moon he said [ __ ] that my man range from aldi's accidental oh my god this one wants to be the big boss sorry bob the position's been filled by me now gallywix isn't a monster he still keeps in contact with nessa by sending her paintings every year of him enjoying his oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] well no if he's making fun of her that's all right yeah that that's that's okay lavish riches he actually stole from her father and all this lore comes from gallywix's self-help book trade secrets of a trade prince really the book is just 15 pages of actual content in 300 pages of old newspapers but sorry okay no refunds that's one of the secrets the greatest trade prince on azeroth me for 20 years trade prince gallywix dominated the business landscape of bilgewater port gallywix ordered his workers to dig as deep as they could into the earth to rip out as much of the remaining cagemite as possible so they could make his new profitable drink cachacola drink while digging they were the first people to ever discover azerite on azeroth azerite being the literal crystallized blood of azeroth that is immensely powerful yeah that's always been a little bit to me galiwicz isn't a geologist so he just thought uh it was just a shiny rock and fashioned it into an orb on his cane and didn't bother telling anybody about it until the events of battle for azeroth thank you for your hard work i didn't know that unpaid overnight wow that's crazy but gallywix wasn't the only one making money moves one of his former proteges has been taking steps and stealing his position oh and that goblin is the player character you see how the player character is able to do this because they're able to disrupt gallywix's bottom line by cornering the market on aluminum manufacturing what this artificially is it degrades ultimately blew that [ __ ] up that's just erupted also there's a bunch of pirates here that gallywix hired to kill the player character the goblins of kazan took this a variety of ways many panicked some just kept partying but the smart ones took advantage of this travesty who's ready to make some money my favorite example of this is vinnie slapchop he is an entrepreneur who is trying to make a profit by selling rocks from the volcanic explosion the same explosion that is going to that's literally what i did in second grade i literally went to home depot and my mom got a bag of lava rocks and i went to my school and i sold the lava rocks because i told everybody that they could float and people thought it was really cool that you could have a rock that could float i mean i i'm a i'm a [ __ ] goblin man i i'm actually a [ __ ] goblin oh yeah i was a little i was like like i i don't even know if i was seven i could have been like five or six it was real i was really yeah i had to ask my mom i don't remember at all prince maldi yeah yeah to leave the island of kazan in ruin i see great profit possibility on the horizon all of bilgewater port's assets are about to flow to me but vinnie is small fish compared to what look at the picture dude look at the [ __ ] picture dude yep yep no i mean the one on the right come on guys you [ __ ] weirdos what do you mean no not the one on the left aliwix is brewed up conveniently there's only one ship in bilgewater port and it's gallywix's yacht how convenient he charged citizens a ludicrous amount of gold for a spot on the boat smart only the rich goblins were able to escape smart doom yeah and in a panic most of these goblins didn't read the fine print of the deal which stated that the survivors on the boat are now contractually obligated to be his slaves ready this is this as i said man this is so good it's so good how realistic this is because this is the exact [ __ ] that happened to andrew from all gas no breaks in real life in real life oh my god remember that holy [ __ ] man this is sad my yacht we ride with the tide and only the most wealthy and fit will be welcome to come with us yes we shall sail for distant destruction hot chicks and ridges i will forge a new trade empire one that will crush the steam weedle cartel and i shall carve my likeness upon that distant land's mountains mount rushmore all will pay tribute to me before gallywix and his i kind of dude this makes me like gallywix way more i i i originally didn't really have much of an opinion about him i just thought he was some weird weird dude but now dude i like this guy this guy's a well the reason why i like him is like it's not like i want to be friends with him you know what i mean but he's a good character because he's he's smart and he's shameless and if you ever have a character that's smart and shameless that's where you get to have the really good plot lines happen okay yeah smart and shameless at the same time realistic character yeah he gets [ __ ] done man and you gotta keep that in mind yeah this dude's getting work done slaved crew could reach the sandy shores of ashara they found themselves caught in a naval battle between the horde and the alliance and were utterly destroyed [ __ ] the lost narrative which one [Music] yeah which one so nice of you to rescue me no hard feelings right we'll be on our way to our new home in azara before you know it despite the bumbling interference of you-know-who the bilgewater goblins found themselves on the nearby conveniently named lost isles and yeah needed to find a way to this was part of the goblins the goblins weren't the only ones stranded on this island the horde had established a foothold on the lost isles and needed the bilgewater goblins help to find some sort of precious cargo the alliance had player character goes kills an alliance gets on a boat and yo what's up it's me thrall you know i love nothing more than when the horde and the alliance get together and are friendly because saving azeroth is much more important that being said have you ever turned into a tornado and electrocuted hundreds of alliance sailors before okay oh yeah oh this [ __ ] was [ __ ] fun this was a good it's a good time man i see the traitor is here to rescue you how convenient you think you're such a big shot saving everyone and making friends with these orc savages i'm gonna crush you i'm the trait with me i got a plan that's going to get me off this island nobody shoot his ass cause like if you got to deal with this [ __ ] why'd nobody just shoot him uh it's too rich well what that one that's not gonna help because they're dumb yeah it's it's a gold he's a golden vest yeah maybe that's it and then make me that king of a genre mark my words i'm glad you i'll get you all out of my way oh great hold on i think it's i don't remember that part so this is the part where the narrative of our story starts to fall apart for yeah what happens next is you blow up a bunch of explosives that turn into a town and then you control a giant shark with laser beams when you fight old god empowered naga then you fight pygmy people then you fight a bunch of zombified goblins then you use rocket boots to fly into the mouth of a volcano then you kill turtle god with an rpg which then erupts the volcano yeah trust me i wish i could give you guys context to all of these events dude the starting that the event the goblin starting thing was [ __ ] good it was really really [ __ ] good there is none and our story ends in the most perplexing way possible how it ends is the player liberates all the enslaved goblins and with the help of thrall we defeat gallywix i like this one i think that's really cool i remember i did this on stream uncle i give you guys are too much for me i'm beaten you've shown me the error of my ways now the incredibly confusing part is gallywix gives up and thrall just lets him continue to be the leader of the bilgewater you know after galiwicz hired mercenaries to kill his own people yup stole all their money and then enslaved them now i get it the lore and the goblin starting zone is not meant to be taken seriously it's kind of like a cartoon show yeah but when you incorporate serious characters like thrall into the mix it kind of just leaves the viewer to be it is kind of weird used and not really sure what's going on yeah it is kind of weird galiwicz got what he wanted and turned azshara into a bustling trade port and an industrial complex yeah the most notable things built are a giant cannon that still hasn't been shot yet a complex highway blizzard said that they were gonna shoot that cannon i remember uh couple things built are a giant i think like didn't hitler make like some massive [ __ ] gun or cannon like this in like world war ii and it just turned out to be like a huge pain in the ass and it was actually just it turned out to just be a complete waste of time because i think that the goose stop yeah yeah um i think that by the time they actually shoot it i can't imagine this actually working like i hope that if they do try to shoot this it just blows up like after all this [ __ ] all of this hype for like 10 years it's like oh my god they're finally shooting the gun and it just like [ __ ] blows up or it shoots the the missile like three feet and it just goes down and blows up the whole area it would be hilarious man cannon that still hasn't been shot yet a complex highway galileo's giant face carved into the side of a mountain and his lovely pleasure palace which includes a hot tub and a place to golf but my favorite addition is they just terraformed a whole bunch of azshara and turned it into the horde logo for no particular reason and it's just absolutely oh they wanted to show that you know it's like a gesture of good faith it's like hey we're going to destroy the world to let you know that you know we we care about it ridiculous but that's a good thing goblins are one of if not my favorite race in wow because they are the epitome of one of the reasons why i enjoy warcraft's lore so much this universe's lore is at its best when it lets unique races and characters yeah ham it up and do cool [ __ ] for the sake of doing cool [ __ ] it's like a comic book yes there is an underlying sense of logic that keeps things relatively grounded and cohesive but at the end of the day it's meant to be taken at face value like why do we still use swords and shields when there's magic in advanced technology yeah who cares accept it for what it is because it's a fantasy this is that makes me mad because like they don't have any logic for that and because of that the warriors always lose that's what i [ __ ] hate about it is it alway it makes the warriors always lose it it [ __ ] sucks man i i don't know what to do about it it's just disappointing it's just [ __ ] disappointing world to get lost in like how can you take this universe's lore seriously when there's a section where a bunch of little green people snort adderall ore which makes them suddenly learn how to craft a machine gun does that make sense yeah there's a movie on it it's limitless remember there's a movie on i mean did that make sense like kind of but like not really yeah sure why not oh not really but it's fun and unique and at the end of the day that is what really matters and what keeps me and many others captivated by the story that has been told so far but seriously what is going on at the end of the starting zone it makes no sense maybe thrall didn't know that could have been it now i'm going to hit the sauna for some r and r so bring me a frozen cocktail and some cocoa butter oh my god i just want to play goblin now i like goblins a lot i think they're really [ __ ] cool like goblins are one of the more interesting races like to me i think goblins like the light forged draenei like compare goblins like light forged draenite literally nobody cares about white forged draenei like they're so stupid it's just it's it's dumb right and then you have like void elves that are like kind of cool but goblins are way cooler than let's see um dwarfs are cool gnomes are cool uh trolls i guess are cool in their own way tauren are cool i think worgen are kind of dumb i do i think they're it's like they're werewolves like come on man it's just i think they're kinda dumb [Music] you

Channel: Asmongold TV

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Id: PmqWej338CE

Length: 25min 5sec (1505 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 05 2021