ARMORLOCKARMORLOCKARMORLOCK | Halo: Reach

this video was sponsored by guacamole gamer fart 9000 my brand new gamer subs flavor that's on sale now this is not a joke not a meme it's real i'll tell you more halfway through the video let's roll why i should throw this plastic six-pack ring into the river i don't want it the river is right there take it from somebody who wet his bed until he was like 14. i have a real tear list for diapers good nights cannot be topped they are asked here s tear dog you can down three two liters of mountain dew and you can go to sleep yo ass ain't wet in the bed that that's basically like wearing a mattress around your pelvis dog i don't think i was prepared for this conversation my words you're just kind of dropping that on us out of nowhere hold up badger 14 yes 1-4 i was well into junior high and i was still a threat to my parents they put the mansion chief in the show welcome to halo real truck welcome to halo reach a game so old it was actually designed to be fun they made this game by just saying this in the boardroom we need a good game okay so let's just take r6 extraction and do none of that hey lori and i'm gonna level with you this video is gonna be impossible to make just the thought of organizing this horse [ __ ] it's making my skull it's like being challenged to make a cool looking t-shirt but the only threat available to you is spaghetti like sure i could make the shirt but anyway i weave it it's still [ __ ] spaghetti welcome to five guys how can we absolutely scam the [ __ ] out of you today you may be able to speak coherently now with sentences like master chief is on the cover of that mountain dew bomb but by the end of this that will not be the case they put them into chief in the show but if you're okay with this video doing numbers and by that i mean a number on your brain cells yo it is doing numbers on everybody on everybody like mentally that is still my [ __ ] reaction image of the fat guy two likes one retweet [ __ ] just doing numbers here's my experience with halo reach as a mountain dew baptized veteran of halo 1 and halo 2 i wasn't completely new to the series but i didn't know [ __ ] about reach i was so clueless i didn't know if the campaign was 4 players or 40. we better have 16 gamers in the cafe 16 spartans doug you're the last brute you just see the clan tag of jello balling and can't get up running towards you we literally [ __ ] save reach we change the end of the game you're the final brute you see somebody running at you with a bts george lets us off the ship he's just throwing us off into space one by one don't forget reach or some [ __ ] i definitely knew where it took place no matter how many times jello lied to me i knew that reach was about reach you see metro area present day i definitely knew it took place in the future i don't know how it's been 500 years and the ships in the u.s navy still aren't accepting sponsorships that doesn't make any sense yo the uss cod is a real thing better than the uss tilapia to be honest the uss lobsterfest yo if they actually sponsor an aircraft carrier i like the uss fuddrucker and i definitely knew how the whole thing in which spoiler warning spoiler that's what i feel like anytime anybody asks me what i animate in is like damn that's some good graphics which is that it's like dog that is source from like 2007 everyone dies literally everyone dies i guess june technically just dips which is where the dying is gay i'm out meme comes from now that there's anything wrong with being gay but everyone died the game ends with an objective that just says survive and you cannot complete that objective so you're basically toast survive there it is and now after beating the game i feel like i know less about the story if that's even possible with every bite-sized explanation from my squad being either intentionally misleading or just flat out vague so does this planet reach even matter well yes but actually no is your clan tag no or is that like your general status towards orders just no yes even when i tried to grasp what was going on in cutscenes i either got a shitty summary from jello or a sudden death of one of the main characters what happens so no head this confusion got even worse when i dressed my spartan up like ronald the goddamn donald and was somehow simultaneously an active participant in cut scenes while also being a dead body in cut scenes i just don't get this anymore look at my smiley face i look like a walking [ __ ] happy meal wait my dead body was in the middle of that cutscene yeah it was split man that's it all the noble team all of noble's team is dead including you right there two times how does he do it oh you can't survive right no no no no it is actually impossible for you to survive ronald finishes the fight now i want to see ronald mcdonald with a [ __ ] bean sword are you feeling the spaghetti now are you feeling the spaghetti now because i can feel the marinara sauce coming out of my ears and it tastes like mountain dew [ __ ] it you want to know the best part of the halo reach campaign george literally george he's this giant ass behemoth of a character the size of a monster truck when every other spartan is like a mid-sized sedan and he's got to be one of my top five favorite characters of all time and he's straight up just named george this is a big boy it's like take your son to work today drank a lot of glue a lot of glue his name is [ __ ] george chat there's no way his name is george george bro they've really named the chalkiest dude in the campaign walking around with like a tank-sized minigun george oh depending on your language pack he might be jorge okay george's blood type is protein shake yo george george go first what did george doing why is george so damn big you need to use your mocap suit to make george cross up master chief and dunker i can do that that'd be lit [Music] objection badger [ __ ] george is the perfect encapsulation of the halo reach campaign in my brain because i don't really understand him he's got some confusing characteristics but i love him with all my heart just being in his presence is an unbelievable amount of fun and he dies just like everybody else yo what the george doing kill him heavenly oh kill him kill the hell is this ooh kilimanjaro oh i'm sure george dies no baby the only way of this slag heap is gravity damn that's that must be how skunker feels when his past is bedtime [ __ ] brook just picks skulker up and throws me she is taller than him right they're like an inch apart i think i'm glad we finally know who the round meal was designed to serve there is only one man dense enough to tackle this goliath of protein and calories and his name is george brown meal oh man on the label it says feeds three men like specifically hold up hold up round meal macaroni and beef serves three men [Laughter] speaking of which the campaign gameplay is a [ __ ] blast i mean you could be racist towards enemies without technically being racist according to youtube's terms of service because they're alien non-human fictional and the slurs are officially endorsed by bungie yeah yeah get [ __ ] split lift can we get a okay elite preferred species you've got enemies that are racist towards you that i had no idea existed until heavenly told me hold on are the jackals the ones that can like jump around like maniacs over here those are skirmishers they're like jackals but racist but i firmly believe that the two most dangerous enemies on reach are grunts and your own ai teammates everybody else is just cannon fights suicide grunt oh god are they that intelligent that was a grunt straight running at him with two grenades in his hand screaming that's like skulker running at me with two chicken nuggets at mcdonald's like oh my god it's scary oh what the [ __ ] just happened was that is that noble [Music] like why did i suddenly gain so much inertia what is that happening pointy physics be like ah another suicide group oh my boy badger was trying to do a back with long jump off the planet oh kill the pineapple get the pineapple oh the tag team combo jello it's like an alley-oop with a grudge don't even get me started about the weapons because the gravity hammer alone is enough to keep me happy it just scratches that same itch as the tire iron in fallout it's so crude it's so satisfying let me get the monkey let me get the monkey the only downside being that for giving the analogy if you put a literal hammer in my hands it makes everything look like a nail and i won't discriminate between friend and foe and swinging this thing around here [ __ ] [ __ ] you thought give me oh shut up you got to go way late oh you [ __ ] up [ __ ] [Laughter] it's obviously not your only option because gentle persuasion is quite the weapon in co-op games if you can cleverly convince someone to do something that's definitely a deadly skill are you making a machinima right now nah bro i'm [ __ ] i blasted some tunes in my helmet bro listen to that new dream song bro that's what's your that's what the mask is for yo can you throw him out yeah can you literally just like outdoors [Applause] [Laughter] you must hate that dream song you look so relieved just to unbuckle your seatbelt take a step right of course you can choose brawn over brain i don't know why the fellas don't find the halo mechanic i'm just punching something over and over until it explodes as funny as i do but i respect the brute force persistence all right i got the monkey gun damn you're just punching it a bunch that's how you deal with it he punched you so hard you exploded you know how hard you have to hit somebody the solution to anything bad that you don't want just punch it until it explodes another highlight of the campaign was his challenge involving a 200-foot jump off a cliff where the only way to survive is by executing an elite to break your fall and if you goof it up you snap your legs and die assassinate this [ __ ] to get this helmet all right [ __ ] it i'm going i got it oh you did it you son of a [ __ ] just [ __ ] do it running back you threw a grenade this is like watching the disabled kid run the hail mary knowing damn well he won't catch it oh and the rat easily the second best character in the game after george part of me wants to go back and ask george to yeet him off reach before he gets glass so he can live a long and cheese filled life and peace no this is the rat this is the rat in sfm wait wait wait let me let me get the detail graphics get the rat i don't i want to pick them up and squeeze them twice oh why didn't you kill the rat yeah what you [ __ ] deserve jealous pick them up and use them as a weapon oh he has jiggle physics after he dies i loved every bit of reach all the way down to the copyrighted music that i can't show you because i'll get glassed i mean sued by the composer shut up generic gamertag beethoven be real quiet since fart not mb3 and before we even get to the multiplayer i gotta thank the sponsor of this video me [ __ ] me yeah i'm gonna sponsor this [ __ ] [ __ ] you mobile game publishers i'll do it myself silence bran i can't believe i'm saying these words out loud but thanks to my sponsor gamer sups i now have my very own energy drink guacamole gamer fart 9000 the ultimate strawberry lime flavored gaming beverage that puts every other dumbass liquid on the planet to shame i'm not kidding either i'm dead ass it's my very own flavor and here's why it's different i've tried almost every energy drink you can imagine from red bull to rock star to game fuel i'm like a 10th prestige veteran of boomer ass white monster alone and all these drinks have one thing in common they're too much they're too much they spike your blood sugar with a heart racing head crushing blast of energy that makes you want to pick up a truck and throw it across a denny's parking lot teddy believe this is a walmart but you get the idea followed by an abrupt crash where your blood sugar tanks and you can barely sit up in your chair to continue [ __ ] posting on discord gamer subs is different because instead of dropping a nuclear bomb on your body's energy levels it's a light boost to your day with just a tiny scoop that you add to water featuring 100 milligrams of caffeine to keep you alert and focused but more importantly no racing heart no headaches and no sugar with a sweetener that has no impact on your blood sugar or insulin levels it's even diabetic friendly and over the past year you guys have guzzled so much of it they let me craft my own flavor guacamole gamer fart 9000 the perfect combination of strawberry and lime that i start every day with two scoops of and on that note that's what makes gamer steps beautiful if you're a 200 pound piece of [ __ ] like me and need two scoops go for it but if you're caffeine sensitive and need to go lighter and have one scoop or half a scoop or add a [ __ ] ton more water it's all up to you but whatever you do don't compare us to g-fuel g-fuel is garbage not even getting into their gigantic serving size that is over four times larger than gamer supps or the blood sugar spikes from maltodextrin just do this wake up one day have yourself some g-fuel and see how you feel wake up the next day have yourself some gamer subs and see how you feel then literally punch yourself in the [ __ ] face for even comparing the two because one makes you feel like garbage and the other is a light tail wind to your day grab yourself some guacamole gamer fart or any other flavor for that matter at the link below and use code badger for 10 off i feel like a whole new person after switching from regular energy drinks to gamer subs and i'm confident you'll feel the same guacamole gamer fart 9000 the official energy drink of [ __ ] now back on topic reach multiplayer is a special kind of fun that fun where even when you're getting your [ __ ] stunned by a bunch of flaming skull veterans that have a hundred times the hours you do it's still fun we're good we're good we're good it's even more fun once you discover one of its key features which requires absolutely no introduction armor lock [ __ ] the best practice [ __ ] i just love how much trash you talk while armor locking and then the red x this is just like was it really it was still worth it twitch chat was really out here trying to tell me that armor lock is in the strategy to which i responded carmelo carmala carmelo armor yes [ __ ] you other team i'm gonna armor lock in your ass hahaha armor lock it's okay how people can sleep standing up yes i turned around and pummeled this clown out [Laughter] oh my god literally just got robbed in the streets of baltimore armor lucky we literally just ran uncle ben for his foams right there thank god for my phone spiderman did you outsmart someone with armor lock i think if that guy dies his death is imminent yes hell yeah assisted if that guy dies in a rocky and even if you [ __ ] it up you still win because something hilarious is bound to happen when you pop out of it like getting blown up with a plasma grenade and smashed by the hood of a speeding vehicle simultaneously do it to me daddy damn i got what i [ __ ] deserved i a hundred percent deserve that that was the absolute worst time to have my armor lock expired the main feature of reach multiplayer that i love is the lack of customization which i know sounds impossible given the virtual requirement nowadays to pack every game with skins and charms and skills and perks and battle passes and i want to vomit like warzone is fun but getting torn to shreds every game by perfectly optimized character gets really old really quickly i am perfectly equipped to exterminate you i am blacker than the ace of spades impossible to see in shadows and all six of the attachments on my primary and secondary weapons are perfectly optimized to win every engagement regardless of distance everything about reach was so much fun because i more or less always felt the same as other characters around me and i wasn't getting cheesed by the sweatiest meta strategy that everyone copycats to try to gain an advantage of course there are seven armor abilities you can choose from to augment your experience but they came unlocked for everybody i really only saw sprint in armor lock and i never felt like it made a radically different opponent while running one versus the other the magic of reach is that everybody starts with the same battle rifle everybody can pick up the same weapons and everybody can commit cold-blooded vehicular homicide in the same ward let's run somebody over into warthog get ready we're going to get this [ __ ] [ __ ] this makes reach immediately fun unlike so many other titles nowadays that are definitely still fun but it takes hours and hours of grinding customization and optimization to get to that fun so again even when i was getting gaggle [ __ ] by half the enemy team i was still having fun because they didn't kill me by abusing the latest gimmick everyone's running to gain an unfair edge they killed me because they're better than me and i ain't even mad i'm about to stick some buckshot and this guy's schnutz wait oh god i did not know there was gonna be four [ __ ] in that room that quickly my basic strategy revolved around spam like beyond the obvious requirement of spamming armor lock at every opportunity my entire focus and any engagement was railing my w key to close the gap on my opponent so i can spam my melee key i'm a little bit too far away for a shotgun yeah got his ass shotgun blasted right into my elbow [ __ ] i love the double bubble you just turned into like a body meatball we were just eating our meat in the corner in a totally non-sexual way please do not educate this video jesus christ youtube please just give me the money just give me the damn cash oh [ __ ] i got the mcdonald's big mac mig mig back whoops then i just started spamming everything else i know the major complaint about reach is the bloom where your crosshair expands and becomes less accurate unless you take a nap between shots but if you rapid spam every bullet every grenade and every vehicle you have as fast as you can your accuracy doesn't seem to matter wait wait wait wait wait how do i hijack killing spring wait this thing has rockets that's good right hell yeah killjoy enjoy that grenade [ __ ] spaghetti yeah god is this got him that's what i'm doing that hurt that was it hit so hard he just goes lifeless in mid-air okay this is a good idea okay come back you don't have any gunners yeah i'm going to get this guy though my god is this hell yeah i'm gonna survive yes i survived oh [ __ ] god that's why actually built different and there is no spam like rafe spam [Music] w-r-a-i-f rafe it may be split lip technology it may be a giant alien magic school bus that looks like a [ __ ] plum but anything that allows me to get a running riot and a kill tacular with my iq is definitely worth spamming you up there yeah there was a dude up there what a straight line oh direct impacted boom [ __ ] got it yo big back is back yes i see your ass down there oh you gonna die boy double kill double kill let me shoot someone into cubby killing [ __ ] frenzy yo that's a scorpion wait i killed somebody i killed this turret oh [ __ ] overkill know where the balls at yes kill two [Music] i think the only thing that would have made reach more fun is if i played it on xbox because i definitely feel like the halo [ __ ] talking on xbox live is the only communication in the world more toxic than league of legends i developed a new toxic insult to use in league of legends can i can i test it here focus group sure all right i can tell by the way you type that you're fat what do you think [Laughter] congratulations you've successfully made it to the end of the video with enough brain cells to comprehend the words coming out of my mouth if you still understand what i'm saying you're officially a part of the elite i'm demanding she learned so much that set of texts is like so wrong like if it didn't start with m you didn't you wouldn't know what it's talking about ah i don't know what you're saying anymore what is going on you stole his execution i got a double i just asked jello what was wrong that i just heard his dna goes back like a hundred years dude's body but if all your brain's grey matter has melted into mountain dew and you no longer have the mental capacity to play the greatness that is halo reach rest assure that there are other halo titles out there that require far less cognition have i shown you top 10 halo games number six we have halo wars halo wars is better than starcraft because you could play it on your couch speaking of couches coming in at number five ikea wait a minute you made this entire [ __ ] video without a single rb and the chief reference that's [ __ ] stupid [ __ ] this shitty [ __ ] video [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] swash that's about it dawg halo reach do not forget to buy some guacamole gamer fart 9000 on your way out because that shit's gonna be gone i mean it's not like a limited edition merch drop from gucci or anything like that but we can only make so much of it at any point in time and i imagine you guys are just gonna be chomping at the bit to snort this off someone's ass don't actually do that that's that's not a good way to ingest anything let alone caffeine and i don't want this video to get age restricted by youtube just give me the money jesus christ i hope you had half as much fun watching this as i did making it because it was a blast and i will catch you guys next time when i make a rat plushie that i throw into outer space [Music] [Music] you

Channel: TheRussianBadger

Views: 1,823,604

Rating: 4.9722075 out of 5

Keywords: halo reach, halo, bungie, reach, armor lock, halo infinite, halo: reach, halo reach pc, halo reach mcc, 343 industries, 343, master chief collection, halo reach master chief collection, russian badger, the russian badger, therussianbadger, halo mcc, halo pc, halo mcc pc, halo reach pc gameplay, halo on pc, halo master chief collection, halo_1, halo steam, halo 2, mcc pc, halo 3 odst pc, master chief, arbiter, halo_reach, halo master chief collection pc, halo combat evolved

Id: KfBfL5Gdq_o

Length: 26min 44sec (1604 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 29 2021