Andrew Santino, You Hit the Nail with the Nail | Bonus TigerBelly

[Music] [Music] well let's talk about that but okay let's look at the words that we can elevate we got um let's just start there yeah welcome to Tiger belly let's start there okay okay so we have all of the all the racial terms we have we have also adjectives adjectives make rate racial Asian terms much funner which ones well instead of saying um Guk you say pan faced Guk oh right yeah add extra flavors to it you elevate it you elevate it you know mean are any of them offensive to you know our all gooks pan face without it that's also that's true yeah you want to generalize some of them have some good shape who Gilbert Gilbert does yeah Gilbert is between me and John I want to do an experiment John honestly every time I see him no don't don't say it because I don't want to hurt his fin and the Joker just came out but I think about it when I see him every time I'm like I'm always nice I always smile at him because I think one day on the way out he's gonna be like nice seeing you and I'm like seeing you I get so nervous he's a scariest guy on planet Earth he scares me so [ __ ] much the last couple months I need him around I kept saying yeah they go who I go the shadow the dark yellow shadow the untrustworthy one he's got that sweaty hat thing or that hats been it's got the sweat marks from like [ __ ] three four five years of like sadness and loneliness yeah you know that hat you know where that's what comes from eating in your car alone same has that if you see any Godzilla movie yeah yeah a little style of hat of lobby right and you can't get that at normal stores you don't go to like you know gooks or us [Applause] whatever will you get your clothes cuz I want to go there oh well we'll create a line of clothing Fran that would sell really well yeah yeah see hats like that what else greasy hats and and and the same pair of shoes his whole life like he wore those when he was yeah he's nuts ex I've never seen him but they seemed like to me yeah that there is Chernobyl hair yeah on the sack where it's smooth like he went through chemotherapy but then there's a chunk of wild yeah but there's a sporadic patches what looks sick patches right barely working like 16 hairs coming out of one poor yeah that's right that's right no that's good no no you're okay Eric Griffin oh and my brother Steve called kalila last week oh my god now you're going to just throw me up we go right into the mic right here I'm not supposed to be relaying this information back to you you [ __ ] up your dead babe to you my brother I love you and I coddled you am I in my womb and I will take care of you for the rest of your [ __ ] life because without you there is no me but watch your [ __ ] mouth nice guy you know when it's dark at night and you look up at the sky as endless black sky right you know we're seeing that when I look in the sky yeah gigantic glasses guy I see floating gigantic glasses the size of nine satellites if you look at my text threat all my phone's not here he's um What did he say what did he fly low I want to know what he said - Kailah What did he say to you he said something you or or spot where's the I Bobby was at the Comedy Store and he must have been acting you know a little off because both Eric and his brother asked me like hey is he okay that's all he said ya know my brother got in my car because Bob how you been doing since that guy there I go I created a portal and that freaked him out because portal what do you mean like he would he I'm gonna say something to you right now Andrea yeah please don't make fun of me I won't because I want to be vulnerable in front of you okay let me hold on then hold on cute this is real just hold on you know how you get so getting that's okay I'm good I had to laugh something out I had to think about I thought about something I thought about your fake finger I honestly I'd to think about your fake finger real fast why because I had to laugh that out because that maybe if you're gonna say something full nerd when I saw your fake finger flash in front of your face I would have [ __ ] lost it show people that you put on a fake okay I put a fake finger because my fingernail fell off and it looks real and if I was a magician you wouldn't notice cuz I'm wasting this okay so okay tell me now it's gone okay so here we go I iced it to my brother I go I'm good I've I created a portal and goes Bob what is that sure and I don't know if I believe this or not but I think I do you do I was in Portland at the helium yep you like that room yeah yeah yeah I was completely naked on stage one stage but I was early and early show Late Show both but the second show I stood up there and it took my dick between my legs yeah typical yeah I stood on the stool right and the place is standing ovations yes and I stood there talked for three minutes as a closer without even saying anything completely naked like this on the stool like this and the place was though you could feel the wall like that shaking shaking and this has never happened before but I felt like there was a black hole I created the energy vortex created a black hole and that now do I believe that that happened no but I told that to Steve and when I dropped him off he called he got a nervous portal I'm worried about clampy he's a man he's gonna keep those portals what did you say I said no it's just classic Messiah Complex he thinks he's a god easy that's easy do you not think that's true do you not think that that's true when Carlos Mencia one day he comes a Abril like what's up he goes hey dude my comedy save lives bro Oh have your car receives live oh Carlos yeah I go what happened this before that you Carlos is that yeah bro it may Brody tell you what have a roll it was a guy in a coma bro you see what you're doing so way too much cholo he doesn't talk like that he's I know mobile yeah but I'm doing it that way for the story okay you're doing like hey-zeus Trejo doing a character of Carlos Mencia that's impressive normal voice yeah normally goes hey bro no I'll just do it under normal voice my normal voice do your normal voice characters apparently no no you can't hey that's close go ahead What did he say hey man uh there was a guy in a coma yeah I got yeah he goes he was a coma for a while uh-huh and he goes his sister would hot/cold see it which album though which one really saved life well I know which one um Paul Muniz one can I show you kidding can I show you a joke can I show you a clip you can everybody see a clip at home oh is that a Mencia Sukie clip yeah somebody shared this with me yeah but he's a friend of mine so I know I just want to show this we love you man I just wanna show this clip he posted this I thought this was funny happen the audio that's it wait is it just jumped with hey hey hey hey hey hey hey that is so for hosted that who did did Ned yes yeah yes but not with all the stuff cut out that is the very video from his Instagram he did that oh he keep only the funniest thing he's posted it was very funny yeah I don't know if he was being given okay so that's real yeah okay I have to talk to him I think I don't I don't I don't know him I didn't know if that was a big never met him never met him ever know a guy that I'm friends with and him have a weird history yeah this guy Joe Rogan who's that they have a weird I don't know the whole story yeah I don't know the whole story but what I was told is this is just me this is from what I hear say here I've been told Carlos I've been told Carlos and Joe were hanging out yeah Joe and Carlos have extremely similar briefcases they went to dinner and like in a movie Carlos took Joe's briefcase and walked home with it and and used the contents inside like it was his own everything inside the briefcase calculator a free calculator pencils notepads clothes slow clothes and Joe called him out on saying you stole my briefcase and everyone got so mad because people hold briefcases pretty safe that's what I was told I was told the specifics of it but I'll clear but can I take something yeah I know nothing about it can I tell you something when you were saying that yeah it's funny because one day well here's the crazy part hold on somebody else's oh uh other people it shows that that's what the dilemma was yeah yeah a lot of other people's briefcases hmm anyway but Ned told me when you were saying that mm-hmm he goes dude I'm gonna do the tacacs yeah hey dude hey dude my goats have egos forget I mean I feel like I'm making fun of my fave making fun of the guy he's your friend yeah but it's like already as it is hey what are we talking about before comedians make fun of each other if comedians can't take a joke why would why are you a comedian yeah but is it mean well you're about to say it's not just that this mean is this because of the just the whole direction of what we're talking about something the reason why I haven't asked Ned to be on the show because because when all that went down mm-hmm between Rogan and Ned a briefcase I was the police incident I was in the middle of it and what were you and what what well in terms of like the videos when Brian Redman put out a video I remember do you remember that with me saying that he did steal jokes I didn't know there was a camera on me and what did one say I just said yeah he stole a joke stole joke of me I was just kidding kind of all right I was just you know how you talk it for the comedy with yours no camera you just start saying saying [ __ ] he didn't want to at that time he didn't want to bite the hand that fed him for so long that's right you don't pick sides well Carlos Mencia gave him a car when he was an economic gave him a job gave him a lot of things I wouldn't have an agent without him I met bat Matt Blake through Ned he did a lot of good things for you bought me a car now do you still talk to him I do text him back his wife text me last the funniest thing you that is such a Bobby did you hear that he was I do text him back that's a big deal for me I trust me I [ __ ] know you don't initiate that means you text it that means you respond sometimes to him so every time either him or Amy call Texas me I respond to that only one other person he responds to besides me and I guess Ned it's Paul banks from Interpol no I know of course you would and you know what I do too you know Paul when he texts me in the middle than I'd always answer do you know Paul only through through through Internet yeah we're Internet buds but he did text me about 2:30 in the morning and guess what what do you Rahm tak my city I don't detect [ __ ] I don't attack Orange County San Diego are they the same place but you have you ever seen I don't you know melee a defend San Diego you talk like it's a you talk like it's a part of your life it's got to fit best weather on planet Earth that's what are the first four what are the first four probably somewhere along the equator you didn't know I knew know also do the equator is hotter humid yeah you would hate that yet you're wrong there of do you want to just ask kalila were the best four places are none she'll do it yeah where'd the four places a bit I'm guessing somewhere right in line with California so anywhere of like the Mediterranean climates right yeah yeah Sonne four of those places okay I hate when Aristotle gives notes Direction notes so I want to know what he just said what is it Aristotle what is the direction notes okay you know do you want to know what he really said it's not only that I think you know I'll tell you tell me he's not working he said no why don't you just get an iMac so you could cover up his whole [ __ ] face why a MacBook just get a nice well you can fix it in Pokhara fix it in post but um you know how I feel about him right Bobby do you think you're one of the funniest people on earth I'm being genuine do you really think you're one of the funniest people on earth in the top what five do you think you're one of the funniest people on earth the top 10,000 yes that's it don't be annoying on planet earth and that's ever lived I feel like I'm in the top 10,000 of all the money people that you know I had two dudes that were very very funny no first of all all most if not all the funny people are in either the United States or in parts of Europe and that's got to be almost it as far as professional comedians goes okay but in terms of natural instinct of being funny that's a natural you think you're one of the best and up comedians of right now do you think you're one of the best I think that no you don't think so no but I do believe that I there is I know what I do and I know what I serve and I know that I'm that I'm relevant in that way so you know you're one of the most beloved comedians right now I know that in culture right now culture your [ __ ] mind in comedy culture do you want me to blow up your spot right now yeah I tell you this is your second house you have two houses right now okay so don't even try I can try it he got you he did get me Gilbert but because you're because you're very beloved and you know that you're good go ahead why don't you want to put out a comedy special oh that's what it is that's great do you thought about that huh very clever why don't you want to put out a comedy special I'm gonna be that's assuming I'm gonna have to do the next the thing that I did last time see if you can recreate it I'm gonna have to create recreate the what is it last time what I'll give you an example what you see I don't want you to copy whatever you did but it's very good and wonderful I wanted to be organic it's a powerful presentation okay that's me similar-sized yeah fine round soft especially when it gets hot you get you got softer but when I'm on ice it's called wild violets no imagine me this okay right you're not right right you're wrong what's the pen for what that's why you can't do a special that's right it makes perfect sense my point honestly I'd say no more what's your interpretation what's my interpretation of what you just saw the more Bobby takes on the more he just falls to pieces the more that's on you the more you just then just [ __ ] the bed no the point I wanted to make is that if you did if you did ever do a special would you take your clothes off No why do you do it now then to kill time you genuinely do you you pull out your penis because you're like that's it I've got nothing left yeah what could I say this my openers huh ask any my openers I I don't talk to your owners that's fine no sir that's fine I don't I don't know who opens for you but um tell me home is my closing bit hmm it destroys the penis tuck go through the vortex yeah yeah the dick tuck get on the stool go through the vortex does club does destroy pretty good laughs what do you mean what do you you you don't close with your dick every time no do you get permission from the club no they don't they're not allowed to give me notes no no that's not a note yes I mean that's illegal it's not it didn't it's a legal thing no I go what are the legalities of the city you mean you don't think I go in and say what the laws are you think certain races were allowed to get naked on stage like Asians everyone's like sure that's what I that's why I do it I feel like it doesn't apply to me on Instagram because let's say for instance TiVo can put as many naked pictures of themselves Bobby does even one that might suggest nudity it's out and you get striked and you get a strike against you have two strikes right now one of them was me naked but my girlfriend covering my penis mm-hmm that flagged yanked but then I see like not steve-o but other comics like oh yeah Eric Andre huh full-on dick shot he put his dick out yeah put his dick on Instagram and he was fine right you got there you still have it I'll be somewhere yeah but there's a big very nice well then you should be able to post it that's what I'm saying like if you have a nice penis you should be able to show I think if you if yours the difference you either have a really nice penis you should be able to show it a free-will or you have your kind of penis and you should be able to show to free will if you have a regular penis nobody wants to see what's my kind of penis the opposite of a really nice no but what is it what is that what is my kind of penis that's [ __ ] rude you know what kind of penis your penis is it's it's it works it's a bit your penis is a bit you want me to say it your penis is a bit I have a regular run-of-the-mill penis your penis is a little tiny bit it's hilarious it a bit it's not small it's just funny you have a funny penis I'm not demeaning I'm not demeaning honestly you have a funny penis it's not small any things to make it funnier you do yeah it's more wrinkly the sack by the way the hairier your pubes get and the more defined your little nutsack gets yeah it I mean it looks like you know how statues have very like bushy you know like a you know Michael they have very bushy pubes and very smooth nuts and a smooth little penis of the little tiny head yeah that it's perfect you have a perfect little funny penis Wow that's it it's a funny penis and you should be proud you are funny I know but that's a nice compliment thank you you have a funny penis you have a funny brain you have a funny aura you're very you're very funny hey guys we're just taking a quick pause to tell you about some amazing sponsors honey giving holiday gifts is great overspending on all those gifts is definitely not so I spend more than you have to have to toe deep a finding the lowest price see see if you have pony for example like this Christmas since my best friend just gave birth yeah I [Music] wanted to buy her like a baby monitor hard and I'm sorry she's about to have a baby yeah buy her a baby monitor and with honey I can use honey to compare prices and find the cheapest site to buy that baby monitor yeah if you're buying gifts this holiday season then you 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them about it guys every month butcher box ships a curated selection of high-quality meats right to home all meat is free of antibiotics and added hormones each box has nine to eleven pounds of meat enough for 24 individual packed fresh and shipped frozen back I like that how you can customize which you want in that box say for instance if you're somebody that just eats strictly poultry then you can just ask to get received like chicken and like say no pork or no beef and things like that it goes right to your door as well I mean it was like literally right there and it was just extremely good we ate all of it and it's important to me is that it's a convenient way to get really healthy humanely raised meat because I am a mostly vegetarian eater but I have to cook for someone who is a meat-eater and for me it just feels better to know that this was humanely sourced yeah with Thanksgiving right around the corner guys now is the perfect time to get butcher box a try sign up today and get a free turkey plus $20 off your first box just go to butcher box.com slash belly or enter promo code belly at checkout that's butcher box.com slash belly or enter promo code belly a check out for a free turkey and $20 off your first box enjoy the rest of the show do you tip well as the took to the servers at the club lately I forget you should I know the worst is my pool because in Portland the last time I was there I almost never Bose banned forever but the pool what are you talking about you put you I put all over the green room all over the green yeah because I had diarrhea what's up I I mean there's that's what he does that's what Aristotle does it's not even pulls that camera look at he pulls look at this get out of here close the door I want to talk about this guy closed the door what the air stop turn about Aristotle yeah okay good this is gonna get good is he gonna kill something he's great yeah you know I talked nice about Aristotle recently on a popular podcast yeah did you hear it yeah you did I did talk very nice about him I don't think he gets I don't think he gets enough love both from just just a side thing talking about other comments there's a whole host of New York girls their comics mm-hmm that hate me and Jake and Preta they hate you and Jayde why because um when I was in Chicago Schaumburg yeah I had an MC who was a woman who was it I can't tell you what it is but she did talk about living in LA and she's killing it okay and she later I know how it is okay I bet I bet I know mr. cago I know it is a good home til nice girl 30 fun know who it is okay and she on a Saturday night came in in a ballroom gown shut up imagine her being she was wearing a beautiful like a kind of like a Cinderella a ballroom gown like she went to a [ __ ] dinner before like she went into a a woodcock with a carriage hair and a pumpkin yeah who is it Halloween no but that's what she looked like she came out of a carriage and she's missing a slipper like the story okay so I just looked at her and coz I you know I'm not like a headliner that that audience is my people right it's you ninety five percent I would even go long more almost people there from either tired or belly MADtv there they bought tickets to see me the whole crime is lucky show that's your show and if my one of my openers is saying grandma rape jokes as an MC hmm I'm gonna come up to him and go I don't want that yeah you can do this is my audience you you can do that I don't want you to wear that oh the wearing the wear things hard that's not hard yeah you can have their bodies bodily possession no no I don't want you to say this kind of material cuz it's not what I like and it's not my audience but the wearing thing unless it's [ __ ] it's serve it's it's like it's unless it's like a swastika shirt yeah no no how about this what if I'm doing a play yeah I wrote yeah and I want a character to wear that a person people you didn't want you can hire your own character you didn't the club hired her I should bring your own then didn't do do I have the right to fire her of course you do but that's what I'm saying is is that I told her that if you you can wear other but then you're not on the show and she complained that's [ __ ] up though Bobby coming from a woman to tell me what to how I should present myself on stage let's suppose because you know what I'm saying it sounds so wrong I'm really gonna still fight it I feel like I can win here's what you should've done first of all listen to what she just said did you hear what you just said you didn't pay attention say it again I heard what she said that to me before oh she yeah he tells a story all the time and every time like yeah what you did you cannot tell you can't yeah you can't do that you can't and on top of that if you felt uncomfortable with her clothing choices you could just tell the club I don't want to work with that person anymore and that's the end of it you made it about the clothes you should have just been like I don't like her vibe know that mrs. something and that's totally we would have found out that I without saying yeah without giving her a shot she knows now I know but if I would have went to the manager without even saying anything and said you know I just the full vibe of her I don't like I don't want the show and he'd be like what do you mean it's like she's wearing that ballroom gown and I you know I don't want to say I don't even get there alright well I just don't like her vibe I don't like her comedy it doesn't align with what I'm trying to present to my crowd if the you I would like I was like I didn't think that that was you have to cuz I've been stepped on I've at MC step on what's her name I forgot she's great yeah yeah yeah have you ever said anything face to face she when she moved to town she came up to me at the store she cuz I'm here now let's try to be cordial oh that she really hates you yeah that is okay to say that at the main room in the in the Comedy Store is [ __ ] crazy policy and I like that yeah it's but she's bald was like that about because infinite and she's real and I get it dude you know the times have changed I probably was in the wrong at the time I thought was right and I guess no one sees it on my side I just think that like if Morrissey's headlining and a band before him is doing something or even wearing like swastikas or you fire the mic he would fire the band he wouldn't say they like hey just don't wear that and go do your show we love you that mattered to you that much then what he said you don't just bring an opener bring an emcee yeah you should I'm gonna do from now on what's her name yeah sorry at the time you know in my head I'm like I don't like what she's wearing I should have not said anything I guess you know my point of view right now is I'm sorry I'll never do that again and I was in the wrong you know what I love about you is the one thing I love about you is you're very coachable athlete yeah you really are you really know how to take you really know how to take something think about it and then really go I'm in the wrong and I couldn't fight it and I'm the wrong and I [ __ ] up you're not in the wrong she hates me I can tell I bet you she doesn't hate you her friends how many won't talk to me who were her friends that don't like you you know her number I think you construct these things in your head more than anything all right go try but when you text her yeah don't say that you're near me just say do you hate Bobby Lee yeah go hey you know I was thinking about something about you know big day would you work with Bobby Lee I don't have her number yeah you being real yeah I don't know we're not close like that but I don't but I know her so here we go I'm just gonna I'm just gonna hit her up on Instagram okay hey ok hey at 6:55 Oh err I have a number right here oops never used it Oh hold on copy here we go and if her response is really deep and like long and personal well obviously we're not gonna air that do we have to this is like the time when Russell Peters like no this guy doesn't hate you you're like no oh yeah him right now why that's what a false so confident yeah there are people that hate me problem let me tell their people that what my dad did hey it's Santino okay yeah here we go Santino is Bobby Lee's friend we send it but I trust you I just you know why would I why would I hide it from you that's true it says hey it's auntie know when she hits me back I shouldn't have said hey let me remove the hey on Instagram it's so funny what you're doing isn't that so cool that you can get rid of a message oh yeah understand text I like errors really I like when people [ __ ] because they're human yeah but if I made a mistake if I mean if I said the wrong thing to you like I don't want to ever sometimes I say things to people that I text them and I go I don't need to say I don't need to tell them that or say that and then I have to I want to get rid of it that's you should have that in text as well imagine if Bobby could unsend what he did to Megan Bobby could have unsend the gallon thing I said to her face you can saying what if you could unsend a face that's the thing yeah there's probably no it's probably fifty on sons I wish I could take back hmm really yeah so you know what I do now when I tax I really do wait a minute before I send it I read it over I think about it especially if somebody's like Rogan or someone I'm like you know a little bit more political about I think about it hoody he has a meeting with me and he runs the text past me comments I also on posts I always run past her that's very smart because he has a problem with could've yeah its could of with an apostrophe ve not could of it's good it's so funny because it's funny when it's funny I'll tell you why it's funny because I have insecurities mm-hmm and I I'm not perfect at everything and the one thing that I'm not good at is a full grasp of the English language me neither I understand that and sometimes I find the immigrant yeah you were born here but here's what I learned over the years when you flub a line what does what I used to do if as I was talking to a young lady or my boss at panic and he's working a coffee shop you know which one the panic in right by the Comedy Store in La Jolla used to work there for years morning I would put the biscuits out there in the morning and uh me coffee and stuff yeah oh my god four years I also worked at their restaurant in the end the co four years as a waiter did you ever have any menial jobs not menial I mean like you know jobs that one's gonna hurt ya peasant jobs I had so many are you a good worker very I never let me say this I've never I never not had a job how about a job my whole life me too my parents never supported me financially like that so yeah I had a 15 years old I was McDonald's I was at before when I got a workers permit before I could even drive I did be dropped off I I worked at the YMCA is a lifeguard and than a swim instructor I was a babysitter I did tutoring I did I sold window watching power washing gotting gutter cleaners ooh yeah I learned from you you know what word I learned from you marionette look at I still have a gotten a text back from her by the way this says two things she doesn't like you or me did you see my name in the text no I just said hey it's Santino which hurts me more because I didn't mention you should I say I'm with Bobby Lee no no no why that's burying a lead yeah do you know is there anybody that doesn't like you your hands really out there George I mean grabby grab a lot of privilege oh man we can do it Mikey you leave it we can do it okay they're gonna be there tonight we can do it at the store thanks for coming by I think this is gonna work thank you for doing this you know I [ __ ] at that yesterday I won't even I don't want to this is not but no it doesn't matter I Irish goodbye gesture day I didn't want to be wrapped out you know how they wrap you out Oh on satin you mean these bounds in the woods so the you was your last scene and you usually the the assistant director goes that was last season trap Adam Santino you know he's around you know me and people clap and they'll and then other actors come up to you yeah Adam is really good to me and working with you man I saw you Andrew whatever don't don't don't start this right now Andrew and Randy Adam Bob yeah don't do it so what I'm saying is so they said rap and then you stayed longer no what happened was is I went up to the ad and I said to the executive Boozer I said do you mind not giving me a rap applause I don't makes me uncomfortable I don't like really mm-hmm so then what did you just walk away I went individually up to everybody and I thank them and I hugged them and I said it was great working with you and once when this scene is done I've got to go I just want to say thank you oh wow you know what I do but I don't but I because I don't like that thing and I bow I do a bow and I was like it I would a second clap you loved me I try to get a second clap I can encore performance the guy to say it again you love the attention love it yeah and I don't want it feels good I want to see the number one on the call she stand up I don't yeah Oliver Hudson stand up is that show back it's gone it's never coming back Wow Magnum baby but you made good money on it it were really good about two years good money to yours and that fun yeah I think I'm gonna sell it you're gonna sell the show I think we're gonna sell it really like a couple things going on it feels good guys I need an update on what's going on are we getting a Santino Bobby a podcast or not Bobby announcing I talked to outside that's right to pull them up on announcer right tell them right now I think Andrew and I think I know Andrew and I are gonna do a podcast and we're gonna do it in January 2020 called 2020 no it's coming because we're gonna go yeah we're gonna be guest driven guest driven we should have gas yeah but it's gonna be you and I to begin with let's do a couple with just you and I yeah okay you know what we did the last time well we did mock ones mm-hmm this what kind of feels like that - this one right here yeah but I think we should do a couple of those two you know and just bend in a room and we'll just figure it out and we'll let her wheel some up with a name you know that's tough but um we'll go 50-50 on it I think we good I think Harold people here the black sky said yes as long as black sky says yes I'm good do you know why he said yes yeah I threatened him not only that he wants to do one with her I know I heard but I haven't I know she's gonna what else what else you have notes what does you need a fight let's all just show it show it you to take your shirt off I want to see what's going on with your body isolation because this pudge going on in all the wrong places was just chest Pudge like in the chest you get Pudge in the chest that's that's pecs oh it's got pecs donkey go he works out he works out yes he does have you seen the movie parasite no don't react Bobby don't react late and your ass don't react don't react let's be natural organic okay go ahead okay let's start over have you seen the movie parasite it's a good movie you love it it's so called Orion Cannes I went to Cannes it's it's to where can't hands for confident keep telling Yukon Film Festival it went to Khan James Caan he invested you invented it you know that right oh you did yes who's his dad it's not yes it is it's okay okay if it is if it is uh if it is I will apologize to everybody James Evans father if there's a [ __ ] way yes it is Bob Cobb yes it is it's not spelled the same way I know what how Khan spelled how kitchen no no no no no see a and see a n NES thank you [ __ ] you know but Jane don't talk to me James done yes I'm saying in the minutes but but they had to make it [ __ ] friends alright yeah anyway it's a Korean movie parasite yeah yeah I didn't see it if you love it but do I need to see it yes so funny because you liked it you guys liked I'll tell what it is it's it's when you're watching it you you think it's not gonna be what you think it's gonna be like a weird drama it is surprisingly light and funny really there's so many scenes in it that kalila nice pushed pause and we laughed there's a scene where a man is on these couple of this couples sleeping right he's not supposed to be in the house he's underneath the couch so he decides to in the morning it's time they haven't moved in three hours so he starts crawling from the bottom that's right to the door but then one of them wakes up he doesn't know what to do so he just freezes like a worm like a worm was lays there they don't see him but you could see in the shot him his legs to kick of this wide it's so wait just they just missed it in editing no it just made it's funny though it's supposed to be like that yeah he's upset that sounds so dumb why it's funny I'm I have to visually see it because I'm lost I thought you're saying that was an accident you're an accident this is an accident I'm an accident let's move on hey guys we're gonna take a quick pause to tell you about some really great sponsors if you're buying sneakers online there's more than a coin flip stands that the shoe you're looking for is a fake how can you be sure it's real go calm is the safest way to buy and sell authentic sneakers online we've used it go ahead Gill they have the largest market place in the world for authentic Yeezys Jordans and over 600,000 sneakers they've made the whole process frictionless and trustworthy by doing this by only accepting sellers with the best reputation and by verifying all sneakers to ensure their authenticity for buyers go ahead every detail is expected from stitching and color to the sizing weight goes certifies every pair of sneakers on their site matches exactly specifications with over 100 million sneakers 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calm click on the microphone at the top of the page we get the last line play up and type and dices it's the laughs yeah okay there's a laugh here at the last line ship station make ship happen that shipstation that cop and through the code badly enjoy the rest of the show how much time do you do how much time do you do all right how much time do you do know I'm literally I swear to god Aris not everyone in the room you want to get serious you want to talk about it yeah I'll [ __ ] talk about it okay ask me the [ __ ] question how much time you do onstage it depends on what show but when you end up lying on the road when I head on the road it's generally 42 minutes when do you can you do an hour I have why don't you do an hour because the times I've done hours is I didn't know what time it was like I was on stage I was like kind of like in some improvised you could ask them to give you a light at 15 I can't and it can never know what and when it is I can't tell okay do you think I getting light in front I can't tell do you think the crowds deserve an hour I mean when I leave the show people say generally that's the greatest show we've ever seen or we've seen that same act ten times you didn't win a single joke we'll watch it for the rest of our lives so then if they say so when they say stuff like that and they keep coming back and every room was sold out I say to myself there's something going on that I'm doing that's right but if they say I've seen the jokes before why why don't you try to write new stuff so the next time they see you have new [ __ ] but what's the point aside from doing a special what's the point well there's a lot of points this afternoon a special girl want to hear him because writing new jokes even though they're tough when they work and it's something magic is that's the satisfaction of stanza Sunday I did a joke and he got a huge laugh and I it was a longer pit and it couldn't believe I got a laugh because it was one of those things I've been thinking about for three years every day and you finally let it out and went to the comedy store and I just go ahead duh and it was that it was hilarious to myself it got huge more laughs than any other of my other just so how come because it took three years for me to think about that [ __ ] bit to do it why do you think it's taking you three years to think about a new bit because when I'm following you know me daliyah are you in a packed bar main room and I'm going oh [ __ ] um uh Jeannie McCarthy and people are here they're not they have families they don't they definitely aren't there I promise not that's interesting cast mergers are not there on a Tuesday night that's interesting cuz I've seen Allison Jones there 9 times and she knows you extremely well it's not I'm saying my point though is is that if you're saying the cast directors don't go there is silly they barely go there and if they do they already know you're funny so you've already won the race so that's not a thing you should be worried about so what are you really worried you're bright what are you worried about failing failing I don't like bombing you you're not why I don't like I don't like trying because when I try new jokes I bomb every time and it's not true that's not true you've never seen it hey I know you don't do it enough that's tough I know but if you saw it and you saw me do it you would say oh I get what he's doing and it's he's a mess so you're saying you would ready takes a long time for me I would rather have a room that's 20 30 40 people that I can go in every night and try 10 15 20 minutes of new material without any pressure ok I'll give you a better example before kalila you remember before kalila yeah do you remember how like searching for someone that you wanted to really like not even just love maybe some of that you wanted to like hang with and have a relationship with was difficult and you thought I don't know if I [ __ ] want to hang out with someone all the time and be with someone or even move in with someone I mean [ __ ] that right right yeah ok so then when you met kalila and it worked and you went through a couple of struggles internally and with her about problems in the relationship moving in together growing as a couple buying [ __ ] together deciding on schedule and timing molding becoming one person and the satisfaction was way better than when you didn't have it right yes okay it's the same thing it's hard but good things are [ __ ] large [ __ ] it all right you [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] well don't do it you're gonna lose her you're gonna hit stuff now she's gonna walk away I'm gonna do it are you you hit the nail in the nail it's gonna that things are gonna come out open I think that should be the name of the special it's never gonna open okay I get it all right and I agree with you I'm sorry for the rage there no it was a little bit of a rage that's even for even when you get mad it's funny it's like the joke that's so [ __ ] [ __ ] right see so [ __ ] right not a piece of the right so um I gotta perform yeah we got to go I gotta go but um do this thing all right we'll do a quick one-eyed hopeful virus what I'm out yep because just I'd like cutting you off because people cut you off during that point all the time he hates it I want you for one time because I'm here in front of me instead of just throwing it to him like do the thing just lead him in a nice way give him like a nice hit the nail on the nail I want the nail the nail I want one time we do you rage us out like that yeah is there ever a point where you ever feel threatened not not threatened but I but I get scared for everyone involved it's great I will do it and you hit the nail and nail and that's never gonna open I mean when I look at you now Bobby yeah I can't even imagine what you'd be like on meth you've done muted meth for so long like what what was that even light what could that have been like miracles no that was it you like things built from it for me and you become a handyman I mean I'm the kind of guy who will build like little like figurines of human figurines out of the scabs so sure make a little figure in their [ __ ] ball oh okay don't you - but - I don't wanna throw up oh I wouldn't think about the ball grace might throw up I know disgusting thing so my left foot right mm-hmm has mold and fungi apparently from the doctor said that mm-hmm so um you know he gave me I went to the place you know the pharmacy I got the ointment this is off and it worked hmm but I stopped taking it because I realized I liked the itch so I right yeah so great really good company though the medicine works and the company should keep going because the people Edison tends to work did you yeah that's what it's there for so um and I missed the itch and what I used to do and my right foot is pure pure if I could be a foot model with my right foot uh-huh the left foot is um swampy is a little swampy okay yeah but what I used to do is when I used to date my girlfriend Christine Portillo hmm she used to go why is there a bowl in the path dub filled with all that dust oh man yeah I don't like mics I thought you're gonna go somewhere comedy song oh they do oh yeah my bad all right can I finish the story I don't want people's faces to do that cuz it makes me feel income no I'm not alright so but so and then she says why are there razors mm-hmm so what I I'm not gonna hear this and you know what I don't know why you're dating me I'm a [ __ ] flower listen creature of the of the the worst kind you're not the worst I've seen no no no there's way worse thank you so I stick the razor I would scrape the bottom of my left foot and I would get dead skin with it and you would peel it from the bottom right I'm gonna throw up oh good and I was taking the pole and so when you it's like you know what's like paper mashing no like the gold when they did the gold panning for gold that's what I do with it mm-hmm yes get the fungi the real fungi it's gone right no no I'm I'm waiting that's the gold no take the most in the photo I want to see I don't know what I did was I know I'm my obsession with look over the to know what I don't know look behind you don't these I won't finish unless you look behind you what you see there glue why do I tell you so what I did was even together not just goes together what I did was I'm bored I'm bored of this bowl of dead left foot skin mm-hmm not being used for anything you know be creative right so I wonder I just took a bunch of glue I just poured it in there mm-hmm and I made a ball mm-hmm and it was so compact it was a compact full of left dead skin ball it was like a truffle truffle no yeah but what happened was over the years yet this is science it's science scientist over the years I just add it to it it became a ball like this thick like it's a so big a solid skin left foot a left-foot ball no the one that you got was a smaller version of the big one I had it I sliced it in half Oh like a tree you know you take the tree tree and you could receive the rings yeah you could literally see fungi rings and it smelled deeper as it would you know what yeah erase that text from that latest Chicago lady I don't think she's gonna watch but that did that was the ball I'm a little worried my mom and I uncovered it when you were trying to move to the new place it's true over two balls remaining thank you and I took a picture of it and I tossed it out because there's no way in hell I'm bringing that demon over to the new place what thank you for calling CDC info a service of the Centers for Disease Control if you would like to continue in English [Laughter] okay so now turn it off I'm sorry your response was not understood please try again you know you are a medical or healthcare professional well your call is routed to the CDC Emergency Operations Center your call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance great turn it off I hope they record it turned up how many years I mean how many is a rowdy 17 no the ball my 48 officer Lewis I have just an honest question for you I'm being very genuine a friend of mine a friend of mine has collected foot skin a foot skin and a ball it's a I know this is an unusual thing it's a hobby I've a very genuine I'm being honest in this question he has collected dead skin cells for years for I would like almost five years he he has them in his home I'm told him I'm concerned about his health and safety is this something that could have bacteria and or disease in it that could potentially be fatal to himself or friends and family I know this is an extremely obscure question but it's dead serious I'm asking you I'd have no idea because I just it's dead skin cells and bacteria and fungus growing in his bathroom in his home and I'm genuinely concerned okay so that is no way for that to spread or create a new disease or like a like patient zero type of thing where that's a new thing that spreads because of him is that not possible I'm not this is not okay thank you it's good to know that the government doesn't give a [ __ ] we're all gonna die from it by the way she treated that like it was because it was a joke partially hmm but let's say that that did have bacteria that spread like could was fatal to you or family and friends hmm didn't care you know what you I'm guessing to get a lot of hypochondriasis care like that but isn't that how that's how crazy things start wait fungus no new diseases now your diseases can start that could easily no one's ever done that in the history Alvar rule and it should never happen again no it should you know that's what makes me creative them different okay okay we need to switch subjects you need all right I going to go so um I'm ganache so with the polar opposite of those two balls of glue those two balls a clue remind me of depravity sadness it reminds me of cockroach insect like just bottom-dwelling behavior in fact and the other half of the the polar opposite of that is the light correct yeah god yes right yes spirituality love and the only person that I think in my head that embodies that is my very good friend Gilbert Wow and I say this because when he does the countdown for the unhelpful advice yeah life you love it I love it Wow I just so um think will you please beat the honor the honor would be all mine sir Wow yes the honor on his knees praying the honor would be all mine sir if you could please do please be generous and yes by some Bobby kalila and Santino here's a quick one is a three parter first of all my boyfriend I love you guys main question what's the best unhelpful advice you can give to a long-distance relationship please don't say breakup second question how do I make my boyfriend comfortable with me eating his ass any tips part three can you say happy birthday to Nick it's his birthday November 7th happy birthday Nick move on I'm kidding Mike how do you make a long-distance relationship work I think that if you don't have a long-term plan to eventually be together it's not gonna work so if you're just going day by day screw it I would I would I would side with you and I would also say it's extremely age dependent that's true if these are 23 year olds it's [ __ ] never gonna last if these people are in their late 30s or 40s and they've been through relationships before it's gonna let something you can work it out much easier yeah I would put my entire bank account on somebody sub 25 doing a long-distance not working I bet my bank account every day of the week even someone 30 and younger I do probably 75% of my bank account you got a 75% chance of it not working 13 are over 30 I'll change my perspective get odds are way different I read a magazine a quote saying it's a fact probably I don't know but it says that um people are compatible with 42 billion other people in the world but that's how some people think I feel like you're in a situation where she was God made this is what's really scary about your psyche is that you've repeated this lie over and over again and then admitted to saying you made that fact up at least 11 times on to make up that for a billion things I made that up yeah yeah and then you you know that there's not 42 billion people on earth look at me in the face and guess guess how many billions of people do you think are on planet earth 12 billion No no less six billion around around yeah close there try out of the billions it's pretty good for me well do you know how many a billion is know there's a lot how many how many do you think are the United States of America 300 million about how do you know that you looked it up reason somebody did this to you recently and I think you're supposed to know that fact in like elementary school fifth grade right he thought there was 42 billion humans on yeah they're seven get over here Bob there's seven Bob we have to finish um I think that um it could work out long distance I know many lungs is a relationship that work out sometimes you just find somebody that you just isn't you know that is what I used to have intentional long distance relationships because you because you wanted you altima Lee couldn't commit I wanted a thrill of the muffin top oh I only wanted to eat the muffin top for so long I didn't care about anything else that initial feeling of like that big burst of emotion yes you love love at the top of the muffin yeah but now you have a muffin top no she's over my new look she told me today I think because I think I'm into like buff for bigger dudes you know I know I'm in okay shape listen to me I want to I want you guys to be locked in raw really that's silly I'm just being honest never [ __ ] silly what do you mean never and we went over [ __ ] silly I need your blacked out maybe yeah if we were both blacked out yeah party and having a good time yeah I probably do that with your question I have a question you know how we would say that that's crazy right no would I blow your dad party yes you would blow my dad alright well the great job give me another one what everyone all right I'll summarize this there is Hiva vacillate on this decision for years and I am seeking your perverse yet wise insights I'm an athletic 50 year old half asian father not considering performing employment porn born in porn my [ __ ] is 8x8 meaning eight inches long and H inches in circumference Jesus all right now [ __ ] I think that puts me in the bottom third the mail industry size-wise but I am no expert I don't even watch porn I think it's bad for the Soul and don't enjoy performing from men or unattractive women this [ __ ] guy but I feel but I do think this is he just wanted to tell us he has a big dick but I do think that the industry should be doing a better job of representing Asian men in porn so I feel like I should step up I'm willing to take one for the team and then he goes into thinking like should he do it no he doesn't want to he has a kid well my child think oh god he's got a savior complex there is a new Asian thinking Andrews thinking well I think what he was doing was extremely divisive right I don't think he wants it being porn at all I think he knows it's a hot topic and he knows that he might be well-endowed or he could be a liar and just wants to get on the show yeah but even more so I have know a few people that work in the sex industry that are porn stars or people that work in porn literally none of them have those debates yeah yeah they just do it and they've never gone well well well they just are in it or you're sorry but I'm a proficient Auto when it comes to porn oh yeah yeah we know and I saw an Asian man like you know I googled in pornhub Asian man with hot chick and I saw something that gave me a inspiration I'm gonna look this asian guy this asian guy was standing mm-hmm okay he grabbed her okay so stand up it oh no we're not gonna do it stand up what he did to stand up this one just says sit back down there I know we know is this it I was so proud of him he's so good is this it this is just the one Asian it good this one's called Asian guy [ __ ] a girl is that it yes I did okay yeah turn it off hold on again I just want to quickly defend myself when I said that I I miss being around buff dudes that's because he opened with I think I think I want to [ __ ] fat chicks again Oh yeah but I feelings and I said no good I said get more Pudge I go I need more Pudge in your stomach say I've been working out I go yeah I want Pudge cuz I'm getting into fat chicks again is that well you're you're very body conscious lately for something you commented about bodies what's your what's going on with you and your head with other people's bodies you commented about startle his body yeah your car your boys on that but you're thinking about bodies a lot right now I have been I don't know why I thought I've never really thought about what the week she texted me back but I do I'm gonna say any guys do it now what would you like me to say say hey I know this is weird just say this on with Bobby Lee okay with Bobby Lee and he feel and we were talking we we had talked about what he did do not apologize through him I'm not going to do it in person yeah he told me the story about Chicago yeah what what about when you and open for him how about this I just did a podcast my bud I love you Mike with Bobby Lee and he told me all the story about Chicago I never heard it I imagine you're not a fan but you have to say that was apologetic hold on here if you don't put that in there that is Bobby Lee Tommy start about the Chicago can I do it feels bad will you trust me he feels bad yeah do you hate him he feels bad did you him I got a no you know do you hate him yeah we awkward smiley face where's awkward smile authorities what's the awkward smile great this one oh okay that one yeah I do hmm here's an emoji babe that's do you don't have to do it oh you don't he walks up to her sorry [Music] alright do another unhelpful advice yeah why okay oh no do we gotta go we're all day long I bet you're all day long well let's let's sign off with this I sign it off let's sign off with this this is a very special very edited episode right and do it you and I can't go wrong ever no it's a very it's so much [ __ ] fun but I have one real question yeah go genuinely yeah oh I want to you three to look at me right now okay ready [Laughter] we don't generally dawn we did at one point in life recognize we recognize him talk to him there were some problems family okay and we've resolved that it's getting better don't he's waving you took the doors off right you know I love you okay you know that you're back I love them yeah price is back give it a rub prices back everybody do you know what prices you know what prices but Brice is George with out with Brice George is Brice with a little more confidence price is George with a few more Instagram followers drew actually George is Brice George's Brice George's Brice when he got like a couple of DMS do you know but Bryce he's better-looking and cool more walkable right right yeah Bryce is a cool-looking babe kind of guy George is like if diarrhea was a person yeah but oh so he would have been an actor in the 50s like Jimmy Stewart II cuz they love dudes that look like the park table yeah yeah yeah very handsome yeah no no yeah the suit no I know I said nothing with compliments I was cheating on him yeah no I know he would never in any in any time era would never be he knows I love him but you know that any time when Eric he was never considered to be handsome in any time like in medieval times plague when the plague and people root deformed he didn't have mote digger not even just mote digger mote cleaner no cleaner right you're like it's like a pool with you you have a pool thin you were getting all the leave yeah they're like clean dude [ __ ] mow that thing is made out of fire too because we wouldn't the attack we put it on fire he got down while this guy's in the house he's in the cast yeah yeah he's in the cast he's courting one of the why we did it thanks for listening Santino any dates any shows I love you any dates shows for us when are you guys when he was this coming out probably in two week okay great so this weekend I'm in San Francisco at cops yeah come see me at Cobbs and then next week on him at helium in Indianapolis I go Cobb's San Francisco Indianapolis and then I do to Brea and the Ice House are my only shows in December right now I do the ice house in Brea California come see me baby go to so much [ __ ] fun go to Andrew Santino do one night in your brain I'm gonna come by come by I'm gonna seriously let's do a show together let's do it you are you all are cute imagine do we wrap their weekend imagine if we do do it would do a podcast for a year hello sleepers of the slept Kingdom we'd like to thank our sponsors support them so you can support our show we have honey butcher box goat and ship stations honey can help make sure you're getting the best price for whatever you're buying get hunting for free and join honey calm slash belly now is the perfect time to get butcher box to try sign up today and get a free turkey not a paid one but a free turkey plus $20 off your first box just go to butcher box comm slash belly or enter the promo code belly and checkout find your perfect 100% authentic sneaker at Goat calm slash belly be like Bobbi and get that that Nike shoe and conjuncture with Kobe Bryant and take the hassle out and take out the hassle out of the holiday shipping this year let shipstation help you handle it with a ease with all these I don't know why I said it that way just use our offer code belly to get a 60 day free trial and get your tickets to see the slop king live Bobby will be in Cleveland Ohio Brad California San Francisco Colusa California Irvine in many other places so just check out those dates and to purchase those tickets before their gum go to Bobby Lee live.com and get your question on tiger by Elin emailing us at advice on helpful at gmail.com we're looking for interesting unusual non-typical problems and we need your help as much as you want ours that's advice unhelpful at gmail.com and if you already have not purchased get some merch guys go to our website that tiger belly and calm and grab a couple shirts some stickers and some mugs so that you guys have your holiday gifts for all your loved ones guys you can follow everything kalila at clam DK george at george underscore camel everything Bobby Lee at Bobby Lee live and check out some Gilbert stuff at Gill bits we love you follow us on Instagram [Music]

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 909,438

Rating: 4.8878584 out of 5

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, podcast, khalyla, tgrbly, all things comedy, comedy, andrew santino, stand up, this past weekend, whiskey ginger, whiskey ginger bobby lee, joe rogan, jre, jre clips, off the record, ymh, chris d'elia, comedian, tfatk, stand up comedy, all things comedy podcast, comedians, atc, funny

Id: ycje82IVIJM

Length: 73min 37sec (4417 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 10 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/junglepiehelmet]

Who was this about?

[u/henweigh]

Never outshine the master

[u/[deleted]]

I don’t think Bobby was in the wrong. If that’s his opener and he feels that the ball gown shit is not the vibe he wants then it’s going to throw him off. There’s more to comedy than just telling funny jokes. Even if it was a guy in a tuxedo and a tophat, you can’t act like that’s just a normal thing a person wears. It’s a gimmick.

[u/AintFrayNoGhost]

I don’t understand why this is an issue... if they’re funny.. then they’re funny. It shouldn’t matter wtf they’re wearing, or not wearing (if you’re Bobby of course).

[u/Gwarnage]

I still think it was an obvious power play by the MC, she was doing a focus pull for sure. I totally get why Bobby would be pissed when they make it that obvious. Still, you gotta respect a doer.

[u/Acid_In_My_Eyes]

Bobby was in the wrong

[u/ajit_maholtra]

I’ve seen Bobby live. He destroyed, but he also took off all his clothes except his underwear and gave a dude a lap dance. I didn’t see his skid marks but I knew they were there from the pod. I’m not sure Bobby is the one to be blowing up at people for what they choose to wear. I get that she’s the opener, but it sounds like he blew up at her in the green room after the show and then he has been trying to get people in showbiz to dislike her by talking shit for years afterwards, so essentially trying to sink her career. Bobby is so wrong in this scenario that I sometimes feel like a lot of this fanbase are like cult members.

[u/CampaignComfortable]

His MC wore a goofy dress to a comedy show... And this is how serious he took it... The irony XD

That being said, he has every right as the head liner/boss, to dictate the content of his. That includes wardrobe. There is no reason to turn that into anything more than that.

Bobby being mean to her or immediately trying to fire her, is just as unjustified as her saying that she is going to wear the gown anyways.