Aliens: Colonial Marines / Fish in a Barrel II

it's not based on a movie it's a sequel to a movie a series of movies aliens colonial marines is a merciful that's fast scary frightening badass badass the feel of all the weapons the presentation of the story badass I love aliens colonial Marines I love the story surrounding aliens colonial Marines I love that it took years before no man sky deep throat it is the king of false advertising of over-promising and not delivering of people lying their asses off and acting like some kind of cartoon caricature of a sleazy corporate executive tried to defend releasing a game as hilariously dub as aliens colonial marines I love me the Alien movies kids well like two of the alien movies I kind of take the assembly cut an alien three Alien Resurrection is a disaster a VP some people like a VP but some people just can't [ __ ] survive on this planet unless they have a dick in their eye a VP Requiem no nobody likes that one Prometheus stupid but it sure doesn't want to look smart an alien covenant was the funniest movie of the year you know I can't let you leave this place I want will ever love you like I do this the easiest episode I'm ever gonna make the flaws of aliens colonial Marines aren't really subtle like a texture missing or an object just floating in the air for no reason no they're right in your face forcing themselves into your brain if you ever start thinking during your playthrough of aliens colonial Marines that this game isn't so bad wait about 10 seconds and the game will remind you but you know it's not that bad according to Randy Pitchford gearbox CEO and a guy who started his career making maps for a couple of my favorite games Duke Nukem 3d and Shadow Warrior I didn't know he made any of these maps but I know those games like the back of my hand pretty much I can kind of judge these as they go by this is the best info I can find on map authors for these 20 year old games Shadow Warrior the first level started by Randy Pitchford finished and modified by Steven Cole at seppuku station a classic love it dark woods of the serpent finished modified by Keith Schuler started by Randy Pitchford pretty cool level to close out the first episode you get to shoot up this village ride a batch of carpet driving tag like the killer rabbit of caerbannog that's fine Lara Croft chained up fight the game's first boss good stuff the part with those moving platforms is kind of [ __ ] but there's so much their old shooters threw everything at the wall with secrets and easter eggs it was always fun to find this [ __ ] wheezing the moist air of it have a wonder you don't love it sumo sky palettes finished modified by George Broussard started by Randy Pitchford so I'm thinking there seems to be a pattern here of Randy Pitchford starting something and someone else finishing it maybe he [ __ ] off duke3d atomic to go work on Shadow Warrior but I'm betting he [ __ ] off good and proper during aliens colonial marines to work on Borderlands and Borderlands 2 because this game took 7 years to make team that worked on it kind of was going on one direction and then like Sega was running into some trouble and they just sort of stopped and so we had to just sort of sit there and wait for them and then another we had another team come in and they went in a completely different direction and then it was probably one of those seven and a half kind of games that came out right after we did Borderlands and so everybody wanted a 9 it had all this expectation it's one of those expectation management things so it was like a seven seven and a half game which I think was would have been fine for an aliens game so it was like a seven seven and a half four rules group where aliens fans these movies defined science fiction for so many people and it's humbling that my studio and I get to create a sequel to these films in video game form I'll be honest my expectations for aliens colonial marines were pretty low because a couple of years before gearbox had published another game that was in development held for a really long time on a broken Unreal tech that was [ __ ] disaster of modern shooter tropes and stupid let me explain to you why I find this game to be such a beautiful disaster a shouting froid extravaganza a damn sideshow where the freaks are every sin of shitty first-person shooter design and the place where they sell the fried dough is the attempt to tie it into a beloved franchise so aliens colonial marines is the canonical sequel to aliens yes yes it is they said so it was started in 2006 but then it got passed around between people who weren't gearbox because it wasn't Borderlands we could jump right into how this game looks in place like a gutted version of what was shown off before release and Randy Pitchford shading out excuses and trying to point the finger at Sega for advertising their game as if it was a thing people might want to pay money for instead of releasing something worth money let's start with the fact that with a sequel to aliens this movie everyone's seen but this time there's no Ripley and you're this grunt name winners and you get sent onto the ship from aliens the Sulaco to save some other Marines who ran into aliens you start with a pulse rifle and also the game is as I would expect kind of dark so using my ingrained FPS skills I press F to turn on the flashlight like every FPS game on a PC since 1998 like in half-life you remember half-life ready that game you made two expansions for hold on let me just turn up the brightness on this oh Jesus anyway f shoots a grenade F is your alternate fire because the left mouse button is for aiming down the sights because that's what's cool nowadays blur in half the goddamn screen and filling the other half with a gun I hate it and I hate that it's infested every goddamn shooter give me a crosshair and make the bullets go there that's all I want I'm getting ahead of myself because there's important story here like these Marines are all tough hombres attention chicks and dicks of the USS Sephora as of right this second Rhino to one and Rhino to three are fighting to get a hold of the situation we're in we don't leave Marines behind over the next two hours we're gonna send a series of drop ships over to aid with Kaiser back on the USS Sulaco sir the Sulaco was at port last seen over ferry 161 how is it back over this planet lieutenant breed thanks for the interruption we don't know how that boat got back here right now we're worried about what's killing our Marines in there oh sure you're gonna claim this as Canada and then reference the other can and you want it to ignore and then don't explain what the you know we've taken the risk to tell the story of what what happens next they board the Sulaco and you find one guy who got cocooned and you try to take him back right but first he has to do this incredibly stupid thing where he tosses a grenade at some clearly explosive stuff next to that dropship that might be useful at some point but I don't know the alien might be Dumber for staying there and so now we're gonna get our first taste of the Marines vs. the aliens the real meat of this game it's fun because sprinting is like a light jog and walking is like using an actual walker that's par for the course FPS games are like that now I just try to accept it when I die in aliens colonial Marines I'm not mad because I'm too busy deconstructing the events leading to it and how I can avoid further death the best way to win aliens colonial marines is to not shoot aliens too much I just got to stay out of the way once you hit an alien regardless of whether they're right in the face of someone wielding a smart gun that comically large aliens universe BFG that tracks its targets and [ __ ] liquefies them with bullets even when being shot in the face with that they will always make you a priority and why shouldn't they the Marines don't help you much they can't [ __ ] hit anything they kill xenomorphs like old people [ __ ] [Music] this is something you learn early in the game the gameplay doesn't change very much but every stupid plot development in the story kept me hooked I'll tell you what I got to see where the stories go at it's just so goddamn tom every storytelling decision in this game is the wrong one it's amazing so you're evacuating the ship and you get that guy halfway towards the rescue ship and the alien starts chest bursting from him and this guy in the middle of this pressurized hallway between two ships takes out of grenade and he blows up not only himself with the whole docking tunnel basically killing the other people trying to evacuate with him we don't leave Marines behind if he just let the thing eat through him it would have been fine I have a gun and a chest burster is such a non threat that they don't even appear anywhere in this game as an enemy it would have been okay but me and O'Neill are trapped on the Sulaco oh boy it's O'Neill the real star of this show he's there with you for most of the game and what a character well we're not dead so no was that he loves this girl in the squad Bella O'Neill what's wrong it sounded like Bella we had a failure okay what kind of thing oh my god Bella is that the thing that was on your face when you woke up are you sure you're okay it was already dead or Neil I'm fine all right I pulled it off when I woke up hold on I know what to do god damn it before you get too excited about fighting aliens we are under attack by human forces in the control room what the hell is happening out there being generous I'm gonna say that half this game is cover-based human shootin starting right now and lasted for quite a while and the cover system isn't so much a cover system as it is a duck behind this thing but they can still hit you system it was like a seven seven and a half it's not that any of this is really that difficult so it's not frustrating it's just boring let me summarize an encounter you and O'Neal and Bella walk into a room well no they usually run up to the next script trigger and wait for you so what's the script is triggered one of two things starts happening weyland-yutani mercenaries start pouring out of the doors or aliens start pouring out of the vents or holes in the floor but mostly completely black flat untextured surfaces don't try to move past where the game wants you to fight them don't do it because they'll always always overpower you just stay there sit back fire half a clip at something wait for things to stop appear and out of thin air and then go to the next room where all of that also happens fast and scary frightening badass badass you start off with a pistol which I only used occasionally when I was forced to and the pulse rifle which holds like 95 rounds in the movie and like 40 here because if you wanted to use the guns like the ones from the movie why not play any other aliens game ever you get shotguns and other rifles and you can put upgrades on all of these to give them better accuracy and most of the guns seemed to have an option for a suppressor which gives you better accuracy but less damage so that's the obvious choice since the guns are practically useless without accuracy upgrades [Music] but here's a problem you get a pump-action shotgun which is usually good but then when you rank up to level 5 you get a better shot gun so upgrading the old shotgun is pointless just like upgrading the pistol it's worthless because you get a better one level 5 is pretty early in the game so you've already wasted those upgrade points on the old shotgun you can find legendary weapons from the movie and some of them are hidden most of them are hidden but there are a couple that aren't it's uh you get Vasquez's smart gun Hicks's shotgun Hudson's pulse rifle frost flamethrower a pones glare they all take special ammo that sometimes drops from soldiers but Hudson's pulse rifle holds 95 bullets and even though it's burst fire instead of automatic it's infinitely more useful than the pulse rifle you start out with because it does go damage and you can actually hit things with it and it doesn't look like someone needlessly placed a bunch of stupid [ __ ] on top of it whose Hudsons rifle custom made why can't I have that from the start it's a pulse rifle and it's the same [ __ ] magazine as mine but it holds more than twice as much [ __ ] why just give me a good pulse rifle you're making it so that I have to find secrets in order to get weapons that are fun to shoot in your shooting game we're spending a lot of time on the authenticity the feel of all the weapons yeah [ __ ] you I see what the problem is I'm aiming where I want the bullets to go [Music] so it's like a forget try to use the scope or the iron sights whenever your surroundings are even remotely shaky the first third of this game takes place on the Sulaco where you mostly fight weyland-yutani mercenaries who are there because the company wants to do stupid things with the alien again and we need to stop them cuz they messed with the USMC core to the bone [ __ ] hoorah - ashes so the company uses the Solano's weapons to destroy your ship and so you're stuck on the Sulaco and all your buddies are dead except O'Neill and Bella for the moment you fight the company for a while escape the Sulaco but crash land on lv-426 the planet from the movie it's been 17 weeks since the events of the movie and I'm gonna play a few clips that I want you to completely disregard if you thought there might be some radioactive fallout from the nuclear blast from when the atmosphere processor exploded now it's fine there's some surface level lava flows now I don't remember those from the movie but really why not who cares I'm a little confused as to why the colony is still standing and still has lots of things up and running and power and all the stuff inside if it isn't burned to ash be a cloud of vapor the size of Nebraska okay Oh Bishop is in this game too because Lance Henriksen his class act it's not the same Bishop it's a different Bishop they all look the same just go with it mess we can tell the atmospheric process or blue like a 40 mega talking about what just happened I think it's safe to say that the United States colonial Marines are at war with weyland-yutani honestly I'm deeply invested in this story I need to see the end of it just so I can marvel at the terrible decisions the fanfiction level twists and turns okay we're in the colony we're holding down the use key five times to do a thing and then the aliens show up you guys remember the motion tracker cool right it's mostly useless in this game because the point of it is to track the movement of approaching aliens but the aliens don't really approach as much as they do spawn from a place nearby three or so seconds before you have to face them so it's mostly just there to point you towards the next objective and since the game is mostly a straight [ __ ] line you know point A to point B we're doing some kind of interesting things with the way that we're presenting objectives and and and how you make your way through the world speak of which the aliens kind of just run straight towards you and so the motion tracker using that to figure out where the it doesn't matter it's it's there cuz it was in the movie eventually you get to this one part of the game that tries to do a stealth section and is the closest to approaching being a game and not just a collection of badly implemented shooter tropes you have to sneak by these kind of spooky radioactive aliens that are also blind and just crouched through and don't mess with them the first time you played it's kind of creepy but I don't think they ever see you if you're crouched so you know whatever you know you're being stealthy you're sneaking by them but what you have to do is you have to press these buttons that start these loud engine things and they just explode ruins the mood I think then you're chased by this other bigger alien and without any of your weapons you have to evade it there's this part where you have to seal and break through several doors with the welding torch and it's not bad it's not great but it's not bad it's the high point of this game because I actually feel some tension and I'm somewhat invested but that it's back to the grind and one of the worst boss battles I've ever played you get the power loader like in the movie and you have some of the most awkward stilted delayed [ __ ] miserable combat I've ever seen I'm trying to hit a moving target with this power loader requires a [ __ ] time machine the fight actually turns out to be pretty easy because I pushed the boss into a corner and stun locked it with a steady stream of bitchslaps until it died so these two lunkheads come to me to authorize what amounts to a suicide mission into the heart of the way.you facility to try and extract that thing from your chest there's a manifest of all personnel in the facility send that back first and go get that thing out of them but as it turns out the embryo will extract fluid or nutrients from the host to construct a placenta but it's not like a human's the placenta is like a weed rooting itself into every organ in a chest cavity even if you could surgically remove the embryo the placenta is like a cancer your organs will begin shutting down one by one and then you guys remember when Cain was riddled with cancer in the first movie and don't tell me they didn't see that [ __ ] on all the scans they were doing her that he was [ __ ] filled with cancer and then he was just fine he got up he was laughing a joke and having a nosh and this guy you rescued earlier the game was running around shooting aliens well I guess dying of cancer you just tossed total body cancer along with the alien because if you aren't dead when the thing violently destroys your chest cavity you'll be super dead from alien cancer this is like learning that all the characters in rent also have lupus what's the [ __ ] point I guess Bella needs to die so O'Neill can be madder than he was before about the goddamn company promised get everyone off the planet hoorah - Isabel [Music] you've down to one AI partner walking into your shots so that's nice so you make your way through a billion more soldiers and you get into the derelict spaceship from the first movie which is also faring pretty well after an atomic explosion my god man isn't your gun whoa I'll be there give me a second I just are gonna see how this thing turns out [Music] all right wait for me in the elevator okay I'm on board man seriously but I got it I got to see how this adds it's fascinating damn right you are you give him he'll 18 I hope he makes it 18 good people there's a section where you get a smart gun and that's okay but you're gonna run out of ammo for it it's a good gun actually it's probably why it's a one-off weapon they don't let you carry it around with your other guns you got to get a special pick-up version there's three in the entire game as far as I can tell and when I got the second one it didn't let me carry it into the next level thanks for nothing [ __ ] don't let that fool you O'Neill is still terrible with the smart gun listen O'Neill short controlled bursts the gut is aiming for you watch me watch me do it watch me do it there you go Oh guess what Hicks is alive we just risked our lives to get this guy out of the way.you facility let's ignore the lion for a second why the hell was this marine so important to you what happened on the Sulaco don't buy me don't you dare lie to me get that bag off that soldier now [Music] yeah it turns out he put somebody else in his hypersleep pod in the dlc and then the company took him tortured him for a while but he's fine newts still dead though little girl is still super dead so here's Hicks he's joined the party and Michael Biehn sounds thrilled to be there we left lv-426 and sent out a distress call call you all responded too near fury the ship went into alert and I was pulled out of cryo as the ranking and only marine somebody wake up hit when the aliens attacked the colony again you got to deploy this sentry turret but don't move 10 feet down the road before killing all the aliens because they'll follow you and only you and your comrades can't hit them but I'm not sure that they can kill them so you'll be holding down the fire button to deploy this turret and they'll just [ __ ] kill you don't worry about getting your mission objective just sit here and kill some aliens you helpless baby once you get in and save these other Marines who don't follow you you know until they all teleport in from nowhere where you go to the objective and this one guy I could save him theoretically but I think he's lost that he's too shook up there's another boss great I love running around shooting charging bullet sponges here's the thing now I love cheeping them out even more let me stand on this piece of scenery where the aliens don't notice me and snipe it to death while it's stuck on that other piece of scenery if this game wanted me to do this properly it would make my weapons not terrible you know when Randy Pitchford gave this game a 7 out of 10 it means one of two things Randy Pitchford is lying or Randy Pitchford his terrible [ __ ] taste in video games the game plods along the Marines need to get to one of the company's ships in order to escape but the company is trying to get away with the Queen because they're [ __ ] morons you have to avoid the Queen the first time she escapes and she's only after you buddy just the player not before other Marines hanging around she doesn't like to look at you you're [ __ ] I guess you miss the ship but this is only so you can see in hold on I need extra strength air quotes you miss the ship but this is only see you can see an awesome thing happened in the cutscene that you have no direct control over and is stupid if you apply any thought to it so you all get on a dropship and decide the best way to get onto the company ship that's in the air is to shoot some missiles at it and then crash right into it this only severely injures one person get out of here kid once we breach that moment everyone in the hold is dead that's an order get out of here okay this game is just trolling me now I mean [Music] it was like a seven seven and a half I could dive right out the window but the Queen can't of God [ __ ] - I haven't even gotten to the Queen yet I'm sorry you're supposed to get that guy out but then I'm gonna find a way to get you out of there really curious how it got there for what I could tell it didn't get on with the dropship like the last time there was no cutscene or anything to show that so I don't I don't know you don't have to fight it in a power loader because that would be old hat it's been done we got to come up with something more exciting for your big final boss battle instead you run around press a bunch of switches to pull his cargo launch her back I don't know why he couldn't have done that with one switch there isn't just one switch that and then you use that to shoot the Queen out the giant hole you made in the ship with your missiles so you've finally killed the final boss and oh [ __ ] we're gonna have a real boss fight no sorry the captain has to do a heroic sacrifice for reasons miss event Gunnar thank you bro Roger that sir good hunting hoorah - Asha she was great man I know nothing about him except that he's in the Corps and he's commanding and he's a badass you know like O'Neil he's like O'Neill O'Neill's in the Corps he's like this guy - he's a Marine this chick was a Marine who got all the cancer this guy the guy from the movie I mean all of those fine people have character trait good huntin Marines I'm sad to see this guy go even though you know the dropship shouldn't work and the Queen is paying a lot of attention to it now before it wouldn't leave me alone it seemed to always know where I was and that didn't really make it a hard boss battle I just had to sprint some and hit some switches I mean I mean she wasn't getting out of that hangar and we were about to go into space so we could have just waited like a minute I say we have roughly eight minutes until Apple breeze this is a lamest boss fight I've ever played honestly you're not even the one who kills the boss you don't even really hurt it I know this is gonna sound like nitpicking but hear me out so you crash this drop ship into the hangar right just fly right into it and the drop ship in the time you've been knocked out has been able to turn about a hundred and eighty degrees so it's facing the hole that it came in through inside this hangar full all this [ __ ] not to mention this cargo launcher is fine and completely operational after the drop ship crashed into it all this impossible [ __ ] was done for the sole purpose to hammer the player not til the final boss and given this sergeant guy heroic death because he feels bad about stuff is that how it is okay just make it sure so you get in to see Michael Weyland who is also Lance Henriksen who in retrospect needs to stop doing this the kind of inbreeding required to make all the Whelan's look exactly the goddamn same would turn them into hills have eyes people but it turns out he's a synthetic so I mean that's an excuse he sees actually he's an Android Hicks knew just because bishop I can download any data he has this is a special model we might get lucky bishop are you okay please tell me we got something anything we really need a win here man we got everything and the game ends on a cliffhanger because you know you really need to continue this story this game didn't [ __ ] me over too badly it was maybe a seven maybe a seven and a half I expected it to be a nine aliens colonial Marines isn't the worst game ever made but it is a funny bad game it's the kind of game that tries so hard and in its best moments its mediocre it's almost a parody of itself none of it makes sense and I looked into getting the DLC stasis interrupted which tells a story of how Hicks didn't die and you know what I can't get it unless I pay $30 for a collector's edition of aliens colonial marines that includes all of the dlc for a game from 2013 for aliens colonial marines i paid 250 for this piece of [ __ ] on a Steam sale you think I'm gonna pay 30 cocking dollars for a mission pack and multiplayer content for a game no one plays how about you go [ __ ] yourself Randy say ve Len the guards are impressed with your behavior what you chose to remain here rather than a state with CB 18 oh [ __ ] how's he doing did he make it CB 18 has been selected for aggressive re-education do you leave the elevator open I'm just gonna the administrator has arranged for you to be rewarded for your cooperation that's what I'm talking about hoorah to ashes kids see you next time [Music] you

Channel: Civvie 11

Views: 679,519

Rating: 4.9164791 out of 5

Keywords: cv11, cv-11, civvie, civvie's dungeon, aliens, alien, alien 3, randy pitchford, gearbox, colonial marines, franchise autocannibalism, the little girl is still dead, aliens: colonial marines, review, game review, entertainment

Id: D3zA3zrgtqI

Length: 29min 53sec (1793 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 18 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/Taser-Face]

No, actually it’s not, and it kicked off with some deceptive advertising.