Age of Empires II, But I Build NO UNITS

I know I know you're in a lot of distress right now stop retreating just build it just build it your families will remember you for this just build the [ __ ] car tower so when it comes to strategy games I'm a hell of a turtle especially in Age of Empires where my Sanders strategy was always to build myself into a nice little walled off section of the map where I could easily fool myself into thinking I was safe which I was until someone who actually knew how to play the game came along with a real army and oh no that wall wasn't as strong as I thought it was however all this wall building has got me wondering what if I was able to win a game of Age of Empires without actually building any real units at all well that's what we're here to find out now there is going to be one exception to the no units rule and that would of course be the villagers after all I think you'd be pretty hard pressed to win at this game if you couldn't even build buildings or collect resources so I'm gonna say they don't count however outside of the villagers the only thing I'm gonna be using this game are towers and castles and rest assured I'm going to absolutely coat the map in these things now since I will be almost entirely reliant on watchtowers I think the choice of who I'm gonna play is pretty simple it has to be the Koreans these guys get a ton of extra bonuses to their towers which is just gonna make my life a lot easier we'll be playing on a normal-sized map since I don't want to be here all day against five hard alright we're gonna say hard hey I honestly I'm so trash at this game that these five Jorge I would probably beat me if I was playing normally so I'm gonna have to hope that this tactic is confusing enough of the AI gets thrown off but right without any further ado let's get started a [ __ ] how do I play this game again [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] you know in hindsight a warm-up game might have been in order it's been a while since I've had to do any of this Oh what is this map oh I put it on random map didn't I oh [ __ ] well I'm seeing some bamboo around here so I'm guessing this is some kind of China themed map I'm sure this will be fine you know it'll be fine ah there we go there's the stone we're gonna we're gonna need quite a lot of stone for this tactic so I really hope we're not gonna run [ __ ] what happens if we run out of stone yes if we run out we just have to can we buy it from the market oh god oh god oh I've also just realized we have the Scout cavalry but I said no units and I just delete him no I don't think so okay well we'll put him on autoscout and hopefully he'll run into someone and die I'm not allowed to have him he's not allowed it's only villagers I said and I'm gonna stick to that verse the scoreboard I'm missing the scoreboard there it is oh great I'm already last Oh fantastic oh I better get used to it because I'm gonna be seeing that for a while where's my Scout oh he's all the way over here now oh there's somebody here okay okay here's what we do stop okay you stop Otto exploring you're gonna go over here and you're just gonna stand next to their town center and you're gonna die ah there we go oh my god what is that with those arrows if they already got like a decent sized army no [ __ ] oh I think I'm [ __ ] I think I'm royally [ __ ] here I need to get to the next stage I can't even build watchtowers yeah there we go okay we can get to the feudal age all right we are now 200 points behind second to last place I'm sure this is fine it's just fine you know I used to used to play this game professionally that's a fact well I guess on the bright side I don't need to research any of this stuff since this only helps units I'm building fishing ships aren't I that allowed under the rules that I set up for myself [ __ ] he's in the castle age oh [ __ ] yeah I'm someone competent the AI are so far ahead oh [ __ ] a scout oh no they found me they found me we need to build a watchtower there he came from that direction so we're gonna build a watchtower there it's fine it's fine it's fine it's fine see we crossed a thousand store were only 700 points behind the lead AI it's five now you know what it's the AI is just clearly cheating you know I'm not incompetent all right let's just build a little surrounding smattering of watchtowers okay now we need we need gold okay okay so you guys go we need a gold camp we should have felt this earlier yeah I probably should have been mining this gold a little bit earlier but you know it's it's fine all part of the meta you know this is all part of my master plan I'm gonna load the AI into a false sense of security by being [ __ ] at the economy so that they won't see the the watchtowers suddenly spring up all around them all right our little a defensive field is uh nearly finished now and now we can upgrade to the castle age okay good good ah [ __ ] we almost have stone as well [ __ ] I'm gonna have to send a villager to go find more stone we need more stone oh [ __ ] there people there holy [ __ ] they're so close uh okay uh watchtower time let's go let's go all right all right all right we're gonna very quietly build a watchtower about here invisible they don't they don't see a thing they don't see a thing I hit them from here I can I can't hit them from here aha that's right get out of here he little [ __ ] this is my territory now it's quickly build a second guard tower in case he decides to come by okay I'm clearly impeding on this guy's territory now I need to start building lots more towers around here because he's coming he's coming with steppe lancers I don't like it too many of them okay we need it we need to build a castle and I'm thinking we build the castle like here since this is clearly like the front line now right do it build the castle quick the towers are still holding I haven't lost any of the towers yet despite his his best efforts with horsemen see if we can't build this castle fast enough yeah there we go oh you guys are [ __ ] now okay let's go repair this tower before it falls it's working it's working oh [ __ ] that looks like a real night oh my God he's got bows back up back up draw him into the castle yes there we go alright we're gonna slowly start pushing towards and we're gonna encroach oh [ __ ] that looks like troops I'm out in the open stay there stay there don't come towards me go go yeah go over here go attack yes perfect I need more time oh there we go I think his base must be down here cuz I keep seeing ya the cavalry keeps coming from that direction we need to cut off I'm gonna try and cut off all of his resources by just building guard towers next to his lumber sports tactics guys eSports tactics I'm being attacked by green no no oh [ __ ] quick emergency build work guard towers quick oh [ __ ] I'm losing these guys as well so this is his base his base is in fact over here okay he's gonna take them a long time to kill that guard tower so if we just hurry up and build more we should be okay he's got a catapult oh now that's the true enemy right there aim at the catapult aim at the catapult oh we killed it though we did kill it going on over here oh he's still trying oh he's got trebuchet oh [ __ ] he's got trebuchet see he's figured it out he's really figured it out now this is a mistake this is not this is not gonna work there stone over here why are these guys coming over here oh there is stone over here hello you know whose stone this is it's my stone and there's gold here as well we're gonna get rid of that oK we've driven them off successfully we need to go deal with the other people now how are we gonna beat the trebuchet I don't know he is just gonna systematically destroy my towers of that trebuchet I got to figure out a way to stop him the only way I can think of is literally just running up to him with the villagers and building a guard tower like next to him that is doing so much damage let's see if I can't just walk up to it and put the lugar tower wait can I just attack it with the villagers does that do a lot of damage no [ __ ] these guys horse archers we need to build this guard tower and fast build it faster faster stop running away build the guard tower come on you cowards build the guards hell yeah there we go guard tower killed the trebuchet killed the trebuchet this thing isn't the greatest threat to our existence is this [ __ ] oh he's always gonna try and build in the kill the guard tower your lives will not be in vain we have to kill the trebuchet no but it does not do nearly enough damage oh [ __ ] we just need to [ __ ] vomit out villagers at top speed the one thing I didn't count on heavy siege weapons hmm oh this is tough this is really really tough the game is not supposed to be played like this thing get away with it [ __ ] it we're going in build it oh [ __ ] he's got a unit no just oh can we build this in time he's hitting the castle instead of the villagers The Fool no keep building you're so close 85 90 just a little bit more come on a little bit more it's built back up back up back up you fools you fools you let me do it I don't see the trebuchet though there it is I see it he is trebuchet his trebuchet attack it villagers sacrifice I'll [ __ ] know they're all gonna die way too soon I need to get rid of these units he's lost a huge number of units to this [ __ ] castle I think we can go for the trebuchet oh my god oh he's got a castle here as a valiant effort but I think those villagers might be dead well it was a good effort we did destroy quite a lot of his units by doing that sadly unless we kill this trebuchet it's at 14 health I had literally any other unit we would be fine but sadly the villager is completely worthless he's too slow where is he trebuchet he's gone again I don't know where oh my god I would be the most annoying player in the world to play against I'd hate myself for this trebuchet is gone oh no there it is I see it I see it we're gonna build the guard tower and we're gonna rush it I go for it right click let's go come on you just need to do a tiny amount of damage to it yes yes a little bit more 6 HP please 4 yeah we did it we did it okay get out of there rod one woman remains oh my god she gonna get out she is she's actually she survived I can't believe she did it she actually survived she has no health left though oh yes and the new the new villages were ready to repair this guard tower focus the seizure workshop I don't want him building another trebuchet what I'm not last he resigned he was wait why did he resign so by the looks of it the AI and the current version of the game surrenders way too easily which is very good news for me since I really need that to be the case we have defeated an AI we've actually defeated one of the AI is using this tactic okay oh wait oh no I'm an idiot this guy didn't resign the other guy he resigned oh [ __ ] I'm such an idiot I was so excited for a second there in reality it was this guy I I have more score than him I wonder if I build a guard tower here oh [ __ ] one of the calfs resigned green resigned this guy just resigned oh [ __ ] I don't like this is blue that far ahead are these guys just getting killed right now I don't get it where am I gonna get stoned I'm nearly out of stone I could come by some stone I do actually have like 4,000 gold yeah at whatever we don't need to get Sun we can just buy stone it doesn't matter one two three four five six seven eight no no [ __ ] I [ __ ] it up [ __ ] 11 12 so there it has to be there let's go let's go that should be out of there yet his keep only has a range of 10 but my towers should be able to hit him from there so we'll just build a line of towers hold it build it even if your lives depend on it cuz they really really do okay now correct me if I'm wrong it can it can hit the castle from here yeah look at it it's getting damaged we could do this we could do this alright we're just gonna build more I'm just gonna build more like next to each other like they're opera treating I know I know you're in a lot of distress right now stop for treating just build it just build it your families will remember you for this just build the [ __ ] car tower we're gathered here today to mourn the passing a villager number 182 who just like his and sisters asked away during construction of yet another guard tower slowly but surely he is going to lose this castle and I will be able to push into the heart of his settlement and because green has now resigned we are now safe from this side over here no stop or treating build not one step back build that guard tower most of you may die but that is a sacrifice that I'm willing to make oh they lost another AI yet another one has resigned we're down to three AI it's me the yellow player who for some reason is still clinging into this game and then the blue guy who has 20,000 score well send this this villager out we're gonna go find out where the Visigoths are cuz once this yellow guys surrenders he will be the only target remaining being attacked by the Visigoths oh [ __ ] I was a guy here not a guy here trebuchet no there's a trebuchet emergency halt gold units attack that trebuchet I'm not ready to fight the war on another front yet I'm gonna trust that these towers will be fine we're gonna have to turn south for a little bit here oh [ __ ] no we're okay we killed the trebuchet that's the second trip ishe hears more than one trebuchet oh no [ __ ] I'm not ready holy [ __ ] he's three trebuchet --zz this can't be allowed destroy the trebuchet at all costs we might have to evacuate in a moment here alright prepare prepare the boats we might be evacuating very shortly I [ __ ] there is zero chance of me propelling these guys all units at the base prepare to evacuate you're getting out of there transport shifts build transport ships we're gonna evacuate to another corner of the map this castle over here will survive along with these three villagers I still want to try and kill yellow but for now we're gonna just try and evacuate it's fine though we have all the upgrades we need all we need now are just raw resources and more Town Center's I think I'm gonna get all my villagers out at least just too many trebuchet is just way too many and oh no it's also got bum it's got cannons as well look I might lose that castle actually I don't think I'll be able to keep it I really I really just want to kill this castle even if the the Visigoths end up killing the yellow player I will be satisfied knowing that I was close I was very close now my plan here I'm gonna leave this transport with two villagers in it on the corner of the map just in case I ever need villager to fall back on those three will remain the rest of the transports are gonna move out and we're gonna hope that I don't run into any boats or else I'm [ __ ] and we're gonna try and defend this keep to the last I can see the battering rams they're coming oh [ __ ] I got attacked by one of his boats oh [ __ ] I only have one that no [ __ ] oh [ __ ] I lost all of the villagers which means I have those villagers and these villagers these villagers need to escape oh [ __ ] he's walking through kill the trebuchet all the keeps aim at the trebuchet yes yes yes yes kill the trebuchet oh there we go all right battering rams focus battering rams okay this is merely a disaster we're gonna build an emergency town keep up here and then I'm good I got to turn this into a little island fortress I gotta build up like a wall I'm gonna just try and protect it he is doing the the rookie mistake of not really knowing what to attack he's just sort of flipping back and forth between the towers we got the castle yeah [ __ ] yeah oh we got the castle right well if there's anything any good news yellow is definitely dead we'll be fine we'll be fine I'm gonna have to cheese the [ __ ] out of this to win but we're gonna I don't care this this entire strategy was dumb and cheesy as [ __ ] I don't care at all what's my score looked like now Oh yellows out yellow has resigned I didn't even notice it's just me and the blue player now I'm gonna win this game don't worry I'm gonna win this game I need to defend this town centre cuz this is probably this is gonna be like our lasts not our last stand but nearly family doesn't know where I am yet he's probably confused as to how I've not resigned just like all those stupid eyes but you know it's fine this is fine we can come back from this guys it's fine alright now I want a doc and we're gonna use this doc to build a transport ship and we're gonna go down at this side and I still have I still have my backup villagers so I've got at least one more try before I get eliminated all slowed up the villagers we have there we go and let's get out of here oh oh [ __ ] oh this is just an inland sea I'll [ __ ] okay well I really hope there's somewhere to go from here oh and there's woods there okay I will have to go around that like [ __ ] this guy's surrendered we can just sort of walk through them without getting [ __ ] I walked into castles you may be out the game but those Castle if why does he have two castles there find a way to go around oh [ __ ] no no he's found me no he's building trebuchet x' can I hit the trebuchet from here no I can't go around those castles get away get away get away get away get away from me oh [ __ ] what am I gonna do yeah there's no hope for us I think we might actually be [ __ ] we were second to last we were second place second place though we're not out yet I'm not giving up I just built another town center in here yeah [ __ ] it he'll never he'll never notice I'm disguised I'm hiding it's the damn trebuchet they're just too far away he has too many of them yeah I think he's wandering around trying to figure out where I find is no idea cuz I'm just pink a tick you guys over here okay we're gonna use this for houses I guess cuz he seems incapable of figuring out that we're hiding inside somebody else's base I'm down to a thousand gold once we run out of gold it really will be over alright it's d-day time we're gonna make a landing let's go take him down Semper Fi Lance uh-oh where can we Lance I want to build a castle here yeah here oh you've got to be [ __ ] me there's a battering where I'm there kill it he's got a castle here get out goodie imagine if it was like real d-day and the moment the Americans landed of the beasts they're like Oh [ __ ] side of pillbox here I guess we'd better retreat turn around just get back on the landing craft and [ __ ] back into the English Channel off with your battering ram are you [ __ ] me if there's a trebuchet there as well cancel the castle back on the boat and a minute what if I built a wonder it's right now right he seems it's like he can't he doesn't understand what I'm doing like or where I am so what if I just cut all this down and just built a Wonder in this space what's the Wonder cost again I need a thousand stone but I could afford that I know and a thousand gold as well alright I'll just sell all my food then when the time comes all right then let's clear the oats clear space it's cut down all these trees must bring back the invasion force this is what we're gonna do we're gonna build a wonder we're gonna win this game I see no way to win this by actually attacking him but I maybe we can get away with building a wonder I'm not sure all right well with 25 villagers which is our current max pop this should be cut down fairly quickly I think oh [ __ ] we're being attacked oh yeah we are oh [ __ ] he's not actually gonna come and attack me now is he this is how this game is supposed to end I'm supposed to win hell I have I have a way out if push comes to shove I do have this transport ship I could try and flee back up to here oh yeah okay time to select ten ten villagers and get out of here again yeah he has arrived he's just gonna get the rest of my stuff now I was really hopeful I really thought maybe we could get away with it because the AI seemed a little glitched but no it'll be fine I'm gonna build a wander up here I don't have the resources Maya my bank is running dry so what are my options how can I get some gold and fast it was for the lumber camp we're gonna we're gonna just mine wood and sell the wood that's the only way I can think of getting away with this at this point the only way we can do it is if we mine enough woods to not only get the 250 gold we need but we also need to build a market as well Oh we'll see it we'll see how this goes but where are we gonna build it right I think we should build it somewhere the AI is gonna have trouble dealing with like I'm thinking inside somebody's base yeah you know what I think I am gonna build it down here somewhere since with any luck the AI may try to fight the castle before if I still wonder maybe I'll be able to win on a time constraint I don't know AI has now crossed into 40,000 points you can also probably see where I am now cuz there's a lumber camp there which means I need to hurry it's a monk get away from there alright well he's clearly found us so we need to evacuate now I'm not playing games I'm not playing any more games with these monks all right on the boat we're evacuating to the south all right let's see if this is suitable I'm gonna leave I'm gonna love one worker off is there a suitable location for us here I just don't know how big it is we clear out these woods yeah yeah we're gonna do it here okay okay okay I'd really do with more villagers how much was a cost for a town center it costs a stone no okay I can't do that so it was just way way too expensive I can't can't afford to build anything now but the wonder all right we have the resources we need can we build the wonder I think rich is gonna do it right here we go this is it's all or nothing there's no way this is gonna work right I'm gonna get caught in five seconds when I try this just gonna take so long to build he's gonna turn up well before this thing is done I just gotta see a trebuchet bolt arc across the sky and slam into this thing where is he we're up to 12% on the Wunder construction and there's he should be here by now it's not exactly subtle I know he can see this through the fog of war he knows I'm doing this what the [ __ ] is he doing where is he well I guess I'll just pull up read it it's like take a gander okay where is he come on I've been I've been sitting here for like several minutes at this point he has not shown up I'm a third of the way there to constructing this wonder what the [ __ ] is he doing why isn't he here yet what is going on we're a 50-percent why is he tried to stop me I feel like I'm being given like some false hope here right as he's not attacking it while this thing is being constructed but I bet once this thing is done he's just gonna turn up in [ __ ] demolish it but he's leaving he's leaving a little sense of hope like that I might actually get away with this there's no way no way absolutely no way what's gonna happen is the fog of war is just gonna be lifted and I'm gonna find out he has like 12 trebuchet surrounding me he's just waiting waiting for me to find out they're there huh what the [ __ ] we're done I just got an achievement but okay the [ __ ] do I do now I feel maybe I shouldn't do anything as if I do something maybe the AI will wake up ah and so I won't do anything I will sit here with my arms folded we'll see if I could get away with this [ __ ] oh no no we're not getting away with it that's gotta be why look there's a castle there that's why he's taking so long to get here because he actually has been demolishing every building in his path first genius genius rushed the trebuchet please stop the trebuchet undefended it's undefended right now except for that bombard cannon he's hitting his own trebuchet all right back up okay hit it one more time easy money easy money leave the lender alone we're gonna distract them as long as possible we only need to do another 250 years right that is what it is yeah he's been pushing through all these castles that were trapped in the way so if I had more villagers right and I had actually built that at a decent speed I might have been able to get away with this [ __ ] and it delay them I can't let them get to the Wunder yet they'll destroy it [ __ ] I'll [ __ ] the trebuchet Tsar setting up as well I just got to get away from that one guy this way guys over here this way follow me even if I do lead their siege engines away it's only a matter of time okay the jig is up boys it was a valiant effort but the jig is up hey at least we got to second on the scoreboard right uh kite kite them kite them you could do it no he got stabbed [ __ ] I could have gotten away with it I really could have it's a valiant effort but the game is over it said I'm gonna have to I have to I'm gonna make like an AI and I'm gonna throw in the towel here it's it's done well I think the answer to the question can you win by only using towers and castles is it yes I think it is possible if you know maybe I had decided to do a practice run and work things out beforehand then maybe just maybe I might have not been so [ __ ] but alas AI is at forty eight thousand score so I'm just gonna have to be content with second thank you guys for watching and I'll see you next time [Music]

Channel: Valefisk

Views: 160,612

Rating: 4.9479709 out of 5

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Id: 82Cxx6APRmg

Length: 23min 47sec (1427 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 27 2020