7 Horrifying Lessons Hidden in Famous Movies About Childhood - After Hours

[Music] twenty-two tough because I know I'm supposed to subtract four and a half years from what I actually think it is but I also really want to be right so 28 37 37 I don't know normal human aging is confusing I'm 25 years old you are terrible friends oh we got you present yeah right the pen with no cap three dollars and a hard candy from the free hard candy jar on the counter thank you wise men for bestowing upon me this wonderful [ __ ] compare yourself to Jesus I don't know why you're mad you people should only celebrate their birthday until they're 12 tops after that you're old enough to realize that for everyone else it's just another awful day that we have to slog through happy birthday by the way did I not say that yes it's weird that there are more coming-of-age stories about dealing with the fact that your birthday stops being a celebration of every year that you're alive in stress of just being inconvenience for everybody around you okay I think we can all agree that it is the responsibility of coming-of-age movies to remind kids that while growing up is yes no piece of cake at the end it is necessary and a good is this a segue to cake are you guys surprising me with cake except in neverending story the creators got so wrapped up in the fantasy world they were building in their universe that they forgot to remind kids that there's a bright side to this inevitable march towards death we're all know if it counts as a coming-of-age story it's more of a long-winded ad for reading who's the primary antagonist in neverending story that's right the noting the entire intangible concept of death it is slowly wiping out every living thing in Fantasia and we are powerless to stop it every day that you were alive is another day that the nothing is closer to consuming you happy birthday Katie I also forgot to say I think I will just sit here and let it take me away - and if you actually take a second to process how awful that all is you get swallowed up by a literal swamp of sadness right it's clearly meant to be helping kids face the fear of growing up and death but it offers no solution when bastion goes to visit his moon child she gives him the real lesson of the movie keep the fantasy alive stay a kid forever embrace Fantasia cuz you are not cut out for the real world book work the kid gets a happy ending in the real world I mean Bastion and Falkor they get some sweet bully vengeance is it real life you see a bunch of lüt dragons flying around weedy kids get revenge in your everyday life no that's Bastian giving up on real life and embracing the delusion in which he's the only person powerful enough to stop death that's not a solution that's basically telling kids hey the real world go and live in this strange MMO Neverland right and that is why I choose Peter Pan because it's a similar message but way worse so the neverending story but nothing yeah it could be death but the evil wolf says that it's like a lack of childhood whimsy or an adult citizen that's destroying Fantasia I've become to lose their hopes but in Peter Pan you know what the threat is the progression of time no Sauron the real threat is the pirate that wants to murder children even Captain Hook is susceptible to time it's one of the only Disney movies where they give the villain a humanizing fear in the name of that fear is tick-tock the croc time manifested in the gaping unfathomable jaws of a killer crocodile and even sounds like a clock it's just waiting for you to slip up but the real protagonist in that movie gwendy learns the right lessons she goes back to the real world where people grow up because she knows it's the right thing to do sort of but in Hook we see that Wendy can miss Peter Pan to go back with her and what happens thirty plus years of him for getting everything and becoming this dick who doesn't have time to play with his own kids aka every kid's fear of what adulthood is like and that happens to Peter Pan not even he is safe from the ravages of time and he was the coolest kid of them all point of order he wears tights the point of the two movies is we were wrong growing up sucks don't do it stay a kid forever even if it's in your own mind which by the way is pretty much the thesis of every Robin Williams movie ever made patch Adams Jumanji mrs. Doubtfire every single one of those movies he deliberately solves his problems by not growing up he shirks adult responsibility and it works oh he's right what do you do for a living someone pays you to write essays about how Rocko's Modern Life was secretly a postmodern one permanent childhood and that's why the real right answer can't be any movie with that nurture your inner child forever [ __ ] ah that's not enough it has to be a movie where a child hates the idea of growing up so much that he's straight up physically murders every adult version of himself yes that movie exists its called gremlins oh grandma isn't a coming-of-age story maybe not for the humans what about the Mogwai okay at its core the gremlins franchise is about a species that starts off cute curious and adorable and then matures in Slippery sin loving awesome monsters that is the natural life cycle of the gremlin if your little kid watching that movie that metamorphosis looks an awful lot like all your fears about puberty can't be the natural life cycle of the gremlin it was a mistake that they turn into gorillas in the first place why because they fed him after midnight okay so you become a gremlin when you finally start dictating your own bedtime and when you get to eat dinner are you seriously if humans had to live by Mogwai rules you think we patiently sit around this table chatting an empty table and pregnant exactly it's too easy every mug why would eventually Pew best into a monster that loves drinking smoking and porn oh look you think of a better metaphor for growing up then turning into a girl okay a newborn baby horse it's all gooey and sweaty standing up for the first night over mayonnaise the gross four Hawk taking flight at don't rhetorical and incidentally gizmo should fear turning into a gremlin it seems awful but does he give up and ship off to some Mogwai neverland no he systematically exterminates all the adult gremlins you know gremlin Holocaust gremlins run and in gremlins too he doesn't using remote-control cars and by playing dress-up this is a stubborn child who hates adulthood so much that he kills it with toys you strip about Phoebe Cates and her boyfriend and all the humans gizmos lesson is basically that it's better to be dead than to get any older than you are right now maybe he was right happy birthday [Music] so I got you cake by the way oh they were telling me they don't do free cake here Katie didn't use him she'd cover the cake it's her birthday yeah hey YouTube thanks for watching make sure you watch our other videos and subscribe if you want to find out if you not find out you want to tell us what the next episode should be about right in the comments don't do that we're not going actually there that we win the next episodes or T you don't know what you're doing week you were no power and secession else we know which and you are just you're here to watch thanks for watching [Music]

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,775,107

Rating: 4.9033871 out of 5

Keywords: The Nothing, Swamp of Sadness, The Neverending Story, Moonchild, After Hours, Sketch, comedy, luck dragons, humor, parody, funny, Peter Pan, hilarious, Captain Hook, Sketch Comedy (TV Genre), cracked, Tik Tok, spoof, satire, Robin Williams, Cracked.com, Daniel O'Brien, Gremlins, Mogwai, Gizmo

Id: jRSTCP0Gvis

Length: 7min 50sec (470 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 17 2014