7 Achievements We Got for Being a Dumb Jerk

when microsoft first devised the concept known as achievements the idea was to reward exemplary behavior in video games such as heroic feats of excellence or getting out of a chair hey what's that you guys tracking my every move now as time went on though a darker side of achievements started to emerge with the arrival of achievements that rewarded players for going out of their way to act like a big dumb jerk thankfully for us we act like big dumb jerks all the time so at least now we're getting rewarded for it with achievements and also trophies here are seven such times we were rewarded for our failures and misdeeds enjoy and beware spoilers for the following games [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] what have you got looks like a drug overdose get away from him phelps this is my case shut your mouth since when does a batman work a case i knew this creep wasn't on the morphine heist a victim of his own product hey detective can we back it off a notch in eleanor you play as detective cole phelps who solves crimes by going to the crime scene picking up random objects and rotating them until someone nearby confesses to the crime proximity to the scene plus the blood stains no way is this coincidence or if that fails yelling at people until the piano plays the you got it right to you a nosey old hag like you knows everything about the people who live under her roof where did she go but those weren't the only things you had to do in l.a noire you also had to transport yourself to and from crime scenes by driving the mean streets of los angeles in a series of period appropriate cars if you played anything like the way we did this was a great opportunity to mess with your partner [Applause] it was also a great opportunity to earn the achievement called public menace in which gritty story driven detective game la noire asks you to go absolutely buck wild on downtown los angeles and in a single mission caused forty seven thousand dollars worth of damage went to college this is no small ask 47 000 back then in 1947 would be worth over half a million dollars in today's money and so to rack up this much property damage you're going to need to act like even more of a joke than usual wrecking expensive cars smashing into public property and of course almost killing pedestrians although the game only rates that as a hundred dollars worth of damage so it's barely worth bothering slow down before someone gets hurt i said barely worth bothering i didn't say not worth bothering also there's no way of actually tracking your progress towards this achievement in game and the achievement won't pop until the end of the case so really you're going to have to absolutely destroy downtown los angeles to be sure of unlocking it and now to investigate that purse snatching i'm too good to this city [Music] here we are miss you mind the glass on the way out good luck to you truly the people of prey's alternative timeline live in a futuristic wonderland what with their advanced space stations taking helicopters to work and spacious apartments that they don't have to share with a roommate who never cleans out the rice cooker after they use it no rachel i won't let it go like i say this is a perfect society as long as you don't mind being murdered by the occasional nightmare alien monster [Music] [Applause] still better than sharing a rice cooker yet more evidence as if it's needed that talos one is a high-tech utopia is the way scientists have perfected environmentally friendly recycling technology see they've harnessed the powerful reyes field theory to create material recycler machines that take unwanted objects and break them down at a molecular level to transform junk into actually useful resources [Applause] even better than that they've miniaturized that technology into a single use handheld format known as a recycler charge when thrown these steampunk pokeballs create a teeny weeny gravitational singularity that gobbles up whatever items are within range and spits out chunks of crafting materials in this way nothing is wasted not even the corpses left behind by the nightmare alien monsters which can be recycled into useful resources it's what they would have wanted it's certainly what i wanted of course a grenade that makes a black hole is potentially as dangerous as a grenade that makes a black hole but you are a qualified science doer with degrees and stuff and there's no way you'd be so dumb as to let yourself get sucked into a quantum singularity and ripped apart into your component molecules she said wrongly [Music] oops at least if you do muck up and accidentally recycle yourself into a clump of organic matter the clump of organic matter will receive an achievement called intrinsic value and 10 gamer points by way of compensation for the embarrassing self-recycling snafu then probably a smarter better scientist will come along and use your clump of organic matter to i don't know invent a clean renewable biofuel again nothing is wasted except you you're dead where are you i'm in the nomad where else i'll be watching you through the mark too wish i was good with gadgets hey i'll be with you in spirit the debates about video games as arts lumbers on but if there's one creator in the video game space who has come close to achieving the mainstream respect and critical acclaim afforded to the most significant author filmmakers it's the visionary game director behind the metal gear series hideo kojima with that in mind i'm now going to talk about an achievement in metal gear solid 4 where you break off a statue's penis what tickles so long at the very start of metal gear solid force snake is in the middle east heading to meet otakon in an area called the red zone of course a covertop specialist like solid snake is always looking for the perfect place to hide like this statue plinth for instance with a spot for a missing third statue all that remains is to adopt a convincing elegant artistically appropriate statue pose all that that works too at this point you could jump down and carry on with your incredibly important mission or you could goof around with this statue's junk because it's funny but do it too many times and that junk snaps off the bad news is you've ruined what is no doubt a centuries-old treasure the good news is that you the vandalizing jerk are awarded a bronze trophy for your art crime this is a knob gag previously seen in lowbrow comedy movie the naked gun and yet put it in a video game and you get a bafta fellowship i'm just saying yes [Music] some of the achievements in this list could be accomplished by being a legitimate dummy whereas others require you to be a deliberately reckless jerk while you go about your jerk business [Music] in surgeon simulator the achievement known as hammer time could technically land in either camp but only if you are genuinely the worst unluckiest least extra surgeon to ever live and you have vowed for some reason to only ever operate with a hammer [Music] this achievement is awarded for losing a total of 50 000 milliliters of blood from your victims i mean patience with the hammer as your weapon i mean precision surgical instrument [Music] for those unacquainted with the metric system or the typical volume of blood in what surgeons call the human body 50 000 milliliters is all the blood inside nine whole human people [Music] so to crack this achievement you'll need to apply your hammer to several patients just to let out enough blood [Music] i'm no doctor but surely hippocrates had something to say about not smashing your patients with a hammer to get a chivo then again i don't know i don't speak ancient greek [Music] [Music] to be quite honest if the authorities didn't revoke your medical license after you hammered all the blood out of your first patient it's sort of on them nine ass i'm really screwed up the android johar number 9 type s is one of the main characters in melancholy action rpg near automata 9s as he's known to his friends is a kind of overly earnest blindfolded robot modeled after a 1940s schoolboy looks like it's time this being a game with weighty philosophical themes the android protagonists are naturally treated with the utmost solemnity and respect and oh oh wait though i did just remember there's an achievement for looking up 2b's dress 10 times [Music] it's not only skirt wearing 2b on the receiving end of dubiously heroic achievements there's also an achievement by the name of knots that i mind which rewards you for i quote one hour played with 9s in a certain state you might well be wondering what certain state to which the description is referring could it be a state of very low health a state of emotional distress perhaps the game is tracking your location and they mean the state of idaho the answer in fact is none of the above because the certain state to which the game is referring is pantsless you see in near automata the androids are equipped with a self-destruct feature if you were to activate this self-destruct on 9s you would discover that it actually doesn't destruct himself but it does destruct his shorts sure 9s has lost a lot of health but only his leg wear has been fully destroyed revealing his android underpants if you were feeling guilty about nearly murdering your robot schoolboy avatar and costing him a pair of shorts you could replace them almost immediately so at least he doesn't have to spend too long running around pantsless [Music] if you're terrible though you can maintain his pantslessness for a full earth hour at which point the developers will outright straight up condone your actions by presenting you with a 15g achievement or a bronze trophy now that i think about it near automata you probably should mind a bit you have five minutes to cut off the last section of one of your fingers in front of the camera if you succeed you will get your reward not many people know this but the working title for heavy rain was ethan mars suffering simulator 2010 on account of all the suffering endured by protagonist ethan mars this is after all a game in which ethan loses one of his sons in a car accident his other son in a kidnapping and his finger when he has to cut it off on camera like it's the grimmest tiktok challenge of all time and in all of that misery ethan only gets it on with one other protagonist on one occasion and that's with his finger freshly cut off which it's got to be a mood killer even if you can still undo a bra therefore this unsettling scene in a crowded train station only ranks somewhere in the middle of ethan's most harrowing experiences in heavy rain i can't can't take crowds just can't handle it in this sequence ethan has a panic attack brought on by the crowded station [Music] then he enters a kind of traumatic flashback to the time his son wandered off and was hit by a car you know the kid with the red balloon what was his name jason right yes in this spooky hallucination ethan suddenly finds himself surrounded by frozen passers-by these living statues would be freaky enough if they didn't also go down like a sack of spuds whenever you accidentally brush up against them i say accidentally brush up against them which might be the case if you're sincerely trying to steer poor desperate ethan after his son but if you're out to bag the playstation trophy named agrophobia then more likely you're deliberately bashing ethan into these folks with purpose and gusto because you have to knock down at least 50 of the innocent bystanders to score the trophy in the fiction of the game ethan might be frantically trying to reach the vision of his dead son but you meanwhile are frantically trying to topple 50 frozen commuters with your weird not very good new superpower we have to assume all this aggressive shoulder barging only took place in ethan's troubled mind because when he emerges from the hallucination there aren't 50 people giving him the stink eye so chalk up one bit of good news for ethan and one sweet bronze trophy for you that's the depot you know what you need to do but keep it quiet if the alarm goes i'll have to prove you out if you know a little bit about me and the way i like to play the video games you'll know that stealthiness isn't exactly my brand in fact i firmly believe stealth is for quiet cowards oops that's a good sorry that was me so i can only imagine the foolishness of attempting the stealthy payday 2 achievement by the name of i have no idea what i'm containers are doing best bet for this achievement you must complete the stealth focused shadow raid heist in which evading detection is critical because setting off the alarm will send the whole job sideways here's the catch you have to complete the job with a loadout of the supremely unstealthy vulcan minigun and the hrl7 rocket launcher [Music] neither of these weapons is going to help you maintain a low profile because there's nothing mini about the minigun and the rocket launcher is a rocket launcher i.e better for taking out tanks than cameras [Music] therefore for this achievement you have to go about your sneaky heist business without carrying an actually useful gun like anything with a silencer for instance and instead stubbornly packing two useless noisy mega weapons freeze help [Applause] [Music] um uh nah um i don't i don't the fact that you've committed to the sheer bloody-mindedness of lugging around 50 kilos of unusable hardware in the face of common sense professionalism and regard for your fellow heist crew members is sort of an achievement i suppose at least you can skip the gym tonight all right that'll keep gage sweet you guys can test if you somehow manage to pull off this stealth heist while equipped this ridiculously then the chivo is yours i almost can't believe we did it i just have too much respect for myself to sneak around carrying all of these bad boys i don't know what happened those were seven achievements we got for being dumb or a jerk or a big dumb jerk we hope you enjoyed this video from outside xbox that's us if you'd like to see more videos from outside xbox that's us then there are so many to choose from but might i recommend you start with this one on screen right now and if not that why not check out this video from outside extra our sister channel over here on youtube that's luke and ellen who are quite excellent people if i do say so myself and i would because they're my friends hi luke hi ellen

Channel: outsidexbox

Views: 421,489

Rating: 4.9612637 out of 5

Keywords: outsidexbox, andy farrant, jane douglas, mike channell, achievements, trophies, achievement, trophy, 7 things, list, top ten, top 10, top 5, top five, countdown, LA Noire, L.A. Noire, cole phelps, public menace, instrinsic value, prey, recycle, handle with caution, metal gear solid 4, guns of the patriots, statue, mgs4, hammer time, surgeon simulator, not that i mind, nier automata, agoraphobia, heavy rain, ethan mars, i have no idea what i'm doing, payday 2, prey intrinsic value

Id: M_RCqOXi7Q4

Length: 17min 14sec (1034 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 12 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/goater10]

Jane saying Hi to Luke and Ellen at the end is just so wholesome.