So, I just saw The Amazing Spider-Man 2,
and like its title, it really was amazing... ..ly shitty. So shitty, in fact, that it was hilarious,
and I can't wait to see it again. I never once thought that it would be possible for a film to
be farted into existence, but today, I was proven wrong. Now, I didn't think The Amazing Spider-Man
1 was as bad as everybody was saying it was: the majority of it didn't seem like it was trying to be
taken too seriously, and it had a good sense of humor. And as someone who's a fan of the Spider-Man
character, I thought it was right about fucking time that they started using perspective shots
to show him swinging around the city. Not only that, but I was more than okay with Andrew Garfield
being Peter Parker, and I thought he fit the character very well. Sure, yeah, there was stupid shit
like 'Property of Peter Parker', but it generally seemed as though there was a
decent amount of effort being put into the film. After letting the first movie sit for a while, I'd probably give it a
six out of ten, but I definitely enjoyed myself while watching it. I mean, come on, as soon as I figured out that he'd
be wrestling around with a muscly lizard dude, I thought, "I could get behind that. Literally!" The Spider-Man films have had quite the
variation of quality over the years, but I can't think of a single one that
I didn't at least enjoy watching. And boy, is that ever reaffirmed with this movie, because it was so
fucking bad, that it turned into an unintentional parody of itself. Like, someone could release this exact same movie, and call
it a Spider-Man spoof, and it would actually fucking work. Now, for movies I enjoy, I generally try
to keep my reviews to be spoiler-free, but not only is a pretty much impossible to explain what's
wrong with this movie without just explaining the whole plot, but I pretty much guarantee you that your movie
watching experience will be much better if you're thinking about these things during it. Because, boy,
does this ever make one fucking hilarious unintentional comedy. At the beginning at the film, you see two dudes duking it out
in a plane, and somebody shoots a window, and it's like, "Oh, no. The air pressure. I'm getting sucked out." So the one guy fucking grabs onto the other, but the expelling
force is so strong that he gets sucked out, anyway, with the remaining man now holding his
laptop with one hand and typing on it. Yeah, don't worry, the laptop's
not gonna fly out on the plane. It's important to the plot. This needs to
happen. You need to upload your thing. Plus, if he lost his laptop, the audience
wouldn't be able to see that it's a Sony Vaio. This is just the beginning of the film that is essentially
one giant advertisement for Sony products. We see at least three different laptops
in the film and they're all Sony Vaios. We see at least three different phones in the
film and they're all Sony Ericsson Xperias. Every time you see a Sony product in
the film, it's like a fucking punchline. So, Paul Giamatti hijacks a truck filled with
plutonium, and so Spider-Man saves the day. and at the end of that, we get introduced
to Max, played by Jamie Foxx. Each scene, and especially the story scenes, make it
extremely apparent that nobody really wants to be there. Yep. This is the obligatory sequel. Nobody really wants
to do it, but we're gonna do it. Let's get some money! So, then we get a cheesy montage of Spider-Man
saving the day in various scenarios. Nothing wrong with a little bit of cheese, especially in a Spider-
Man film, but one of those scenarios was really, really stupid. Like, he goes into a convenience store as Peter Parker, picking
up some cold medication, then sees a crime happening, and then, changes into his Spider-Man costume, and
saves the day, and buys the same cold medication. Nobody's gonna fucking touch on the
fact, that he's clearly on security cameras, assuming that that place, which is a gas station, has
security cameras, which they're kinda fucking supposed to. All you needed to do to fix that, was show five extra
seconds of Spider-Man stealing or destroying that footage, but they really wanted to show Spider-Man
stumble out of the building being, like, "Oh, no. I'm so sick." and this is so funny, because you're supposed
to laugh, because he's sick. Aww, don't you bad for him? At several points throughout the film, he cheesily hallucinates
seeing Gwen Stacy's father; and it's funny every single time. So then, we get to Max's apartment, and we
see that he's very obsessed with Spider-Man. He's clearly deranged, and wants to be his best friend. And when I saw the trailer, and
how stupid Electro's design looks, I thought that Jamie Foxx's character would be the worst part in
this movie for me, and although I can't really say he did a great job, Jamie Foxx came across to me as the only fucking
person in the entire movie that even gave a shit. When he's acting in the film, you
can tell that he's at least trying, but watching literally any other character in the film gives me the
impression that they all knew it was going to be a giant piece of shit. The entire time I watched this movie, I felt like I was
watching a crew full of people that just wanted to go home. So Max gets told to stay at work later, cuz there's
something with the power grid that he needs to fix, and, oh no, he has a workplace accident
that set things up for his superpowers later. He gets electrocuted by a cable, and then falls
into an inexplicably placed tub of electric eels. I dunno. It's there for science, or something. And as he's getting electrocuted inside the container of eels, it shows
a close-up shot of the gap in his front teeth closing and fixing itself, and that was fucking hilarious. Like, OK,
you wanna do the whole clichéd, like, "Oh, it's fixing his wounds" sorta thing, even
though it looks like he is dying. Uhh! But why the fuck want to close the gap between
his teeth, and what's the point of that? Meanwhile, Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy have a
completely fucking unbearable romance sub-plot. [clip] She's gotten some information that she gets to be accepted to
an Oxford scholars program, so she's thinking about leaving. I have to go to England, Peter. It's important to me. It's very complicated for Gwen and for him.
You cannot always happens what you want. - I'm moving to England
- Wha? I'm up for a scholarship to Oxford. [YMS] "I hate you, but now I love you again,
but now I hate you, but now I love you. Now I hate you. But I have to go to
England. But I hate you, but I love you." I kid you not, there was a scene where Gwen Stacy
said, "I break up with you, Peter. I break up with you." Not like, "I'm breaking up with you." or something
that a normal human being would say, and instead leaving, or going home, or something, she
just walks into a Chinese restaurant, and sits down. Like, I don't know she was expecting
him to come inside, or leave, or what. [clip] We were just...going different way... I don't... Gotta go. God, their horribly written romantic dialogue
made me feel like I was watching Birdemic again. "Ha ha! You're laugh isn't annoying yet,
you should have a more annoying laugh." "Like this? Hee hee hee! I'm gonna make an ugly
face and have an intentionally annoying laugh" And this is how people communicate with each other. The stupid fucking obligatory love interest character bullshit
takes up so much of the movie, that after a certain point, every time I see her on-screen, I
just wanna punch her in her face. But only assuming she has a sex change operation
in the time it takes for my fist to connect. Because making jokes that include
violence against women is wrong. So, we see Max's body on a gurney, in a crematorium, not actually in the fire, yet, just in the middle of the open,
just, I d... As though somebody left the room, or something? For whatever reason, he's got a thick crust covering his skin,
cuz that's what happens when you get electrocuted? He breaks through the crust and
leaves the building, wearing a hoodie. I guess if he started walking around naked,
he'd look too much like Doctor Manhattan. So, he slowly walks down the street, being compelled by, wha,
I dunno, unintentionally setting off car alarms as he's walking. Just because electricity... So he gets to Times Square, and for whatever reason, all the people that are clearly using cell phones
in front of him don't have that affected as well. Like, what exactly could he be emitting that setting off
car alarms, but not affecting people's phones at all? Maybe they'd written it into the script, and
Sony was like, "Nah, our phones are the best." So, he pulls up a grate, and decides to stick his
hand into some electricity, like fucking Crank 2. It's implied that this is what guided him
here, but it doesn't really explain why. Like, was he running low on juice? Is he like a battery? [clip] When Electro wakes, he's thirsty for power, and
course, he wants to go to the most electric part of the city, so that takes him to Times Square. [YMS] The most electrical part of the city is Times Square? Not that massive fucking power plant with all those electrical transformers near the end of the film? I think we really means to say is that, "He went to Times
Square, because this is where we can sell the most ad space." So people start freaking out and he's like, "I'm sorry" except he doesn't know his own powers and
strength, so he accidentally destroys a buncha shit. Like, I think he accidentally flipped over a car or something. So in the midst of the implied chaos, we get the
stereotypical shot of people running around, except the directing is so fucking bad, that you can literally
imagine point A and point B of where he told them to run. Zero effort was made to make it look
natural, and even the least bit chaotic. You can almost imagine Marc Webb saying, "OK, you ten people,
stand over here, and then just run to that point right there. OK, g... no, ju.. no, just go already, I need
to go home. I don't want to be here. OK, good. We got the shot. Nah,
nah, it looks fine, we're good." And Spider-Man just happens to observe this from
about a mile away, so he decides to come help. And as soon as Spider-Man shows up, he knows fucking
everything about this guy and his powers, for no reason. He's like, "Whoa, buddy. Watch where you step, if you step on
that grate, you might accidentally electrocute people over there." Yep, makes sense to me! I mean, he does
have computer-generated blue all over him. That's what electricity looks like, right? Now, Max fucking loves Spider-Man, but in about
30 seconds, his mind will be changed completely. The script needs him to hate Spider-Man, so that there's a villain,
but clearly nobody there gives enough a shit to bother developing it. [clip] You don't remember me? Course I remember you, you're my eyes
and ears. Uh, what's your name again? Uh, dude, I know it, I know it, don't tell me. - [Electro] It's Max
- Is it Max? Yes. - How could you forget me? You lied to me.
- No, I'm trying to help you. Let me help you. [YMS] It's like they replaced the script
with the Wikipedia plot summary: "Max becomes angry and confused, making
them no longer friends anymore." Aw, man. This is intense. Fucking time slowing
down, and stopping, man, cuz of his Spidey Sense. except everybody looks like
they're in a fucking computer. ♪ Jizzed in my pants ♪ Aw, man. That was a close call, he just barely
saved those people from being electrocuted. It's a good thing electricity is being visually
represented by tiny blue lightning bolts, otherwise he might not have been able
to interpret that as audience members. Now out of all the villains they possibly could have chosen,
why the fuck did they make this movie about Electro? Well, if the villain's made out of electricity, then that gives an excuse
for the soundtrack during his scenes to be pretend dubstep. That's what kids are into these days, right? ♪ (pretend dubstep) ♪ Yeah! Our superhero movie can
be cool and hip with the youth. Honestly, this is one other cringiest soundtracks
to a movie I've heard in my entire life. No, let's not get anybody familiar with the
genre, let's just throw in Pharrell Williams. [clip] Hi, I'm Pharrell Williams, and I was
given the luckiest, luckiest job in the world, which was to work with this guy, Hans
Zimmer, composer extraordinaire. Dude, if you could only imagine what Hans
and I got to do musically, I'm telling you. Riveting? That's an understatement. And it's
not because I had anything to do with it, but it's just because we had such
motivation from what's in the actual film. This film is gonna grab you by the edge of your seat, it's gonna be
very tough to get up, so use the bathroom before you sit down. Spider-Man 2: Hold on to your seat. This band I put together with Johnny Marr and Pharrell.
You know, I didn't pick them because they're famous, I picked them because they're really good,
and because they're really famous. I picked them because they're really
famous, and because they're really good. Part of the reason I picked all these
people, is because they're really famous. This band I put together with Johnny Marr and Pharrell, I didn't pick them because they're really good,
I picked them because they're famous. Somehow, one of them thought it would be a really fucking good
idea to throw in some obnoxiously distracting rhythmical whispering. [these words being whispered] Fragility
[these words being whispered] [these words being whispered] Like, this shit is all happening during the movie. ♪ (song we just heard) ♪ - You're so selfish
- Stay with me, Max. - You set me up.
- No, I didn't set you up. - You lied to me.
- No, I'm trying to help you. Let me help you. [music gets louder] [YMS imitating song] There's this Spider-Man,
Spider, Spider-Man, Spider, paranoia, Spider-Man. So they have a really tame fight scene, and it ends with
Spider-Man spraying him down with a fucking fire hose. OK, so the defining feature of this villain is that he can harness
the power of electricity, and you just beat him with water? And not only that, but the way he beats
him, he just literally knocks him over. Like, the guy's still conscious and breathing
and saying shit under his breath, like, "I hate Spider-Man, gar!" But Spider-Man just fucks off over to Gwen
Stacy and has a conversation with her. Like, job well done. Looks like the cops
can just apprehend him from here. It's not like he's a super villain made of fucking electricity that we've
been given no reason to assume is not able to still use his powers. No, fuck it. That's not important. Let's cut to the
next scene. Come on guys, we gotta finish this up. So, at some point, this stupid fucking drama
starts with Harry Osborn and his father. His father's on his deathbed and he's like,
"Hey, you know what? There's this... Actually, there's a genetic disease that runs in our family, that
started affecting me at the exact age you are. How convenient." And so despite this guy being in his sixties and Harry being in his
twenties, Harry starts to deteriorate over the next fucking week. Like, was the disease part placebo effect, or something? It's almost like he wouldn't be dying
from it, if you didn't say anything. So, Harry decides he needs Spider-Man's
blood, so that he can be self regenerating. So they add in another stupid fucking sub-plot of
Peter Parker just hanging out with Harry Osborn. Here in this movie, even the characters'
relationships are obligatory. Like, there's no real fucking reason why Peter
Parker even tries to hang out with him. It's just like, "Oh, these guys have gotta hang out with each
other, cuz otherwise the plot device wouldn't work." So, eventually Harry tells him "I need the Spider-Man blood" And Peter's like, "I don't know if that's a really good idea,
cuz we don't really know what the blood will do to you." But why the fuck is he telling Peter this anyway? Like,
Harry doesn't even know that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Literally, the only reason he expects Peter
Parker to be able to do anything about it, is because they saw a picture that he took of Spider-Man in
the newspaper, with the picture being from like a mile away. Like, a) How did you get that shot? and b) How the fuck would that make Harry think
that you have some sort of relationship with him? Like, obviously, it would make sense if we were still in the
Sam Raimi trilogy, but that didn't really get developed here. Like, the only mention of his photography at all is near the
beginning of the film, where he sends an email to Jameson. And Jameson is never shown. I guess they know better than to try and top J.K. Simmons,
but even if they weren't gonna try and replace his character, if you're gonna throw in his photography to affect the plot like
that, then you think you should have just developed it a little? You know, like a photograph? The only scenes we get of Peter Parker,
outside of being Spider-Man, are these repetitive, contrived, bullshitty conversations with
any one of these three side characters throughout the film. We get some annoying-ass
relationship bullshit with Gwen Stacy, we get some forced 'Hey, let's pretend like we're
friends, so this plot device works' with Harry Osborn, and a third is with Aunt May, so that you can
feel sad for Peter Parker's lack of parents. What I noticed about the scenes with Aunt May,
is that the dialogue is written in such a way that it could be a very good excuse for an actor
to show an emotionally powerful performance, but unfortunately, nobody on set gave a
shit, and everybody wanted to go home. Like, the dialogue is there, and you could make
a good scene out of it, if you really fucking tried. I mean, for Christ's sake, she's talking about
being unable to cope with Uncle Ben's death, she should be choking through shaky
words, not zoned out and bored. "Nah, guys. Don't worry about it,
let's do the bare minimum." Just talk like you're reading your grocery list,
and tear up your eyes a little. That'll be fine." So, somewhere in her drony conversation, she
talks about how his dad used to ride some train? So, later in the film, when Peter Parker's pissed off about
Gwen Stacy, and throws his calculator for no fucking reason, a bunch of secretly hidden train
tokens fall out of it, and he's like, "Oh! I gotta go check it out, cuz it'll
reveal something about my dad." And, oh my God! When Peter Parker's putting all this shit
together, the music is the worst fucking choice, ever. ♪ (Gone, Gone, Gone - Phillip Phillips) ♪ "Why should the song accurately reflect
the tone of what's being shown, when we can just use it as ad
space for a song we want to sell?" So, somehow, Electro's now apprehended in high-level
security facility, where he's being contained in water. Some randy scientist dude pulls him out of the water
with the machine he's connected to, and Electro's like, "Why do you think you can contain me here?
This entire facility is run on electricity." And the guy's, like, "So it is." So Electro tries to zap
him, and just manages to break a frame on his glasses? But they're not going to explain why he can't
control all of the electrical equipment here, at all. "Yeah, we could explain it, but I wanna go home." So meanwhile, Spider-Man pays Harry a visit, and is like, "Yo, I know it really doesn't make any sense why you would
assume that Peter Parker knows me, but let's just say he does. I just came here to your house to tell you that, yeah, it's probably
not a good idea that I give you my blood. I'm sorry. Goodbye!" Like, if that's what you were gonna do, you think you
should have just not even showed up anyway? "Nope, we gotta create another villain,
guys. This guy's gotta hate Spider-Man." So later, Harry's got this fucking iPod Shuffle sized
computer thing, that his dad gave him on his deathbed, he just, like, had it in his hand, the whole time. So, he controls it by using touchscreen gestures on the glass table,
looking through files and videos, and resizing them with his fingers, and there's a point where you can see that the
area where he continued to resize the video to, is not being accurately reflected by the hologram, at all. Like, nobody even gave a shit, and fuck,
is this guy's performance ever terrible. He didn't do that bad of a job in Chronicle, and
I thought he fit his character very well in that, but somehow, he was particularly
terrible in this terrible movie. Maybe he just wanted to go home. So somehow, someone at Oscorp frames him
for covering up Max's workplace accident, so they're, like, kicking him out of the company,
somehow, cuz that, that's how it works, I guess? So, I guess it's all really convenient that they're kicking
him out to the company, and revoking his access now, because there was only ten fucking seconds
earlier that his assistant came in and said, "Oh, we actually have some of that spider venom that
you need, so you don't actually need Spider-Man's blood" Even more convenient that he literally just
watched a video feed of Electro going, like, "Ah, I hate Spider-Man. I wanna live
in a world without Spider-Man." So, this fucking skinny dying 20-year-old goes to the maximum
security facility, and beats up and Tases two security officers. So, Harry goes up to Electro and is like, "You hate Spider-Man, right? Well, I also hate
Spider-Man now. Let's both hate Spider-Man. And also, you can help me get access to this place
where I can get this venom, so that I don't die." So he frees Electro, and then Electro
kills everybody in the room, except Harry, and at this point we can see that Electro doesn't
really need to take physical form any more. Like, he just disintegrates into electrical
equipment, and then comes back. And thanks to them putting so much emphasis on his
teeth earlier, it's making me wonder why he still has them. Like, are your teeth turning into
electricity, and then regenerating? So Peter Parker goes to this
abandoned fucking subway station, he puts in one of the tokens, and then a fucking train just
appears out of fucking ground from underneath the tracks. Like, somehow that got built, and it remained a secret. So, he goes inside this train, which
is apparently his dad's secret lab, at which point, he conveniently discovers a
video of him talking about the spider venom. He talks about how he used his own blood for the
projects, and then says that it'll only work for his blood. And then directly after saying that, he clarifies by saying "My
bloodline". Like, just in case you're really that fucking stupid. So, Electro starts to inexplicably spawn a
full body suit every time he regenerates. Can't have nudity, this is PG13. So he helps Harry break into the place
where he can get that spider venom shit, then Electro fucks off, while Harry hold a gun to some
dude's head, telling him to inject him with that shit. And so, the guy injects Harry on the exact same arm that
he is holding the gun that's pointed at him, with. Like, I get it, that arm is closer to you already, but you don't think
that you should inject the one that's not holding the gun at you? Well, apparently, it didn't matter, cuz he injects him, and then he just starts fucking spazzing out
on the floor with some horribly edited bullshit. Like, all they did was flash some lights, and
get this skinny guy to contort his shoulders. And then, for absolutely no fucking reason, he just
starts crawling towards the Green Goblin suit. There were several suits in the room; is it possible that if he just started crawling towards the Doc Ock
suit, that he would be that instead, and not the Green Goblin? There is no reason or logic to any of this. Also, his teeth got really, really fucked up, somehow. So we get back to Peter and Gwen Stacy bitching
about how she has to go to England, cuz she's like, "I am pursuing my dreams, and going to Awks-ford." So she goes to an interview at the New York headquarters for
Oxford. She gets accepted and then goes right in a cab to the airport. So Spider-Man decides to vandalize public property to appease her,
and then picks her up and then stands with her on top of that bridge. Apparently for what must be a very long time,
because it's night-time by the end of it. Aren't you gonna miss your flight? So Electro decides to start terrorizing
people again, and Gwen Stacy's like, "Hey, if we magnetize your wrist things,
they won't fail if he zaps you this time." So they, like, magnetized it, somehow, with a car battery? And Gwen Stacy's like, "Let me come with you,
even though this guy can fucking kill me in an instant." And he's like, "No, sorry. I'm gonna
save the day by myself. Goodbye." So he goes to fight Electro at that massive electrical power plant,
and Electro keeps warping himself between transformer, and, like, somehow hurting Spider-Man. It's not really clear where
the damage is coming from. He's just getting electrocuted, I guess. Every time he warps from one transformer to the other,
it makes a fucking dubstep sound, like "Bwoum!" And like, apparently, that's the sound that actually happening in the
film's universe, and not just an exaggerated sound for the audience. Because it starts to play the melody to Itsy
Bitsy Spider, and Spider-Man acknowledges this. So Electro suspends Spider-Man in electricity, and his suit starts
to darken, implying that he is, like, being cooked, or something, and I kid you not, Gwen Stacy shows up
driving a police car, and hits Electro with it. Never mind the fact that she was able to steal a police car,
but she also got to the crime scene faster then the police. So, if she's able to hit Electro with the police car, we have
to assume that his physical representation isn't just visual. That although he's made of electricity,
and can disintegrate into power grids, he can actually be damaged in his physical form, somehow. Like there's no real reason why he even
needs to take a physical form at this point. So then some really fucking confusing
and hard-to-follow shit happens, Gwen Stacy goes to a thing and turns on
a switch, and then it somehow kills Electro. Like, I think that all the power went out in the city because of him,
and, like, she turned it back on, or something, and then he died? There's a little chip indicator on Electro's head that says he was
overcharged, and when Electro dies, it just fall onto the ground. So, was this physical chip on his head the entire time when
he was not even in physical form, and literally electricity? Like, I'm pretty sure it was given
to him by that randy scientist. [distant] It doesn't make any fucking sense. So, after Electro dies, Harry shows up as the Green Goblin. Like, there was no reason why they couldn't
just double team to kill Spider-Man? He was just biding his time. He starts
spouting off on some fucking bullshit, like, "Aw, Spider-Man, you don't actually
help people. I hate you." And at this point, not even Spider-Man
himself is going to question the logic of that. Like, sorry I didn't give you my blood before, and kick-start
what you have now learned to be a horrible mistake. So he steals Gwen Stacy, and takes her over top
of a clock tower with an easily breakable roof, and then we get the whole cliché "Drop
her!", "OK!" and then he drops her. So Spider-Man catches her, they crashed through the
roof of the clock tower, and then land on a steel grate. At which point Harry drops down a bomb that completely demolishes the steel grate that they were lying on, and the bomb went off right next to her
fucking face, and they're both okay. "It's a good thing my makeup remains unscathed!" So Spidey grabs onto her with his web,
and then has to fight the Green Goblin, who comes down next to him
and they start wrestling for a bit. And the web that's holding her is also on a moving gear, so when it gets to the point where it connects
with another gear, it fucking gets cut? Like, there are two large solid objects. And I swear to God,
I even remember hearing a fucking scissors sound effect. But isn't his web supposed to be super fucking strong
and sticky? How the fuck did it get cut like that? So Gwen Stacy falls in slow motion, and when Spidey uses his web
to try and save her, the camera zooms in on the tip of his web. And somebody thought it would be a great fucking idea to
animate the strings of his web forming a hand shape, like, "Oh, I'm reaching out my hand to try to save you." He manages a catch her within the very inch of her
smashing her head onto the fuckin concrete below, and I accidentally burst out laughing in the theater. Yep, she's dead now. No blood or anything,
maybe just a tiny, tiny bit coming out of her nose, but no puddle or fucking anything on the ground. So Peter Parker goes to her funeral, and then it's five months
later, and there's news reports of Spider-Man being absent. Everybody's like, "Where's Spidey, and why has he left us?" But then, Paul Giamatti gets in the
Rhino suit, and start terrorizing the city. Like it's a giant rhino mecha suit. I
kinda feel bad for the Rhino fans. He's in a fucking shoot-out with the police, and then
he decides to open up the head part of his suit, so the audience can tell who's inside. Like,
he just opens and then closes it again. Like, those cops clearly don't play enough video games - you're
supposed to take your shot when the boss exposes its weak point. And then some fucking little kid from earlier in
the movie decides to run out into the gunfire. Like, literally, he was just with his mom
watching behind a police barricade. That's some fucking Grade A parenting, right there. I can understand if you wanna ogle at a spectacle,
but there's literally a guy in a fucking mecha suit, shooting police officers and firing missiles, and you decide that you're just gonna
fucking hang out and watch with your kid? So, Spider-Man shows up in the
nick of time to save this kid. Did he end his five-month hiatus to take care of Rhino?
Well, that would make a little bit a sense, so no. In the previous scene, it shows him finding a
USB drive, with 'Gwen's Speech' written on it. He plugs it into his Sony Viao computer, and then gets so inspired,
that he decides he's gonna continue being Spider-Man. And this all just so happened to perfectly
coincide with Rhino destroying the city. Like, literally, if Rhino decided to do this a
day earlier, then nobody would've stopped him. So, Spider-Man does a couple of fucking backflips and winds up for a
roundhouse kick or something, and then the movie just fucking ends. I feel really, really bad for Rhino fans. Like, I get it. You wanted to end the movie on a punch. But wouldn't doing that be better suited for Spider-Man fighting some random fucking-ass criminals, that you know are gonna die anyway. Didn't you publish photographic images of Rhino
before the trailer for the film was even released? Did it not occur to you, that there are people in the audience
that only came to see this movie, just because Rhino is in it? And that ending the film before his fucking
fight scene might piss a few people off? They literally ended the film with the exact
same shot they ended the trailer with. When you end the trailer like that, it implies
that if you buy a ticket to the movie, you'll be able to see the fight scene that got abruptly
interrupted by the title in the fucking trailer. "Nah, let's just have the Rhino fans
imagine the fight scene, instead." So the end credits start, and I'm
patiently waiting for the typical Marvel 'Oh, look. This connects to something in the next movie' scene, and
as expected, about 30 seconds into the credits, a new scene starts. And my first thoughts are, "This doesn't
even look like the same fucking movie." And I kid you fucking not, it was just
a clip from the next X-Men movie. I was like, what the fuck? Jennifer
Lawrence? Mystique? What? Sony doesn't even own X-Men. They
put such little effort into this movie, that instead of filming something that might relate
to the third one that you're probably gonna release, they literally just sold ad space in
the middle of the fucking credits. And that was the only clip there was after the credits
started. This entire movie did not even give a shit. So, as you can tell by how long this video turned
out to be, this movie was a whole new level of shit. If you wanna watch it as a comedy, be my
guest, because it was pretty fucking funny, but if you were hoping to take this movie seriously
at all, I would suggest you avoid it like the plague. I was thoroughly impressed by just how bad this movie is. And I'm giving this one a three out of ten. Subtitles by JorWat.
Jeez...
and I didn't think I liked the movie very much.
"And then she goes back into a Chinese restaurant."
Yeah dummy she was with her family. They were expecting Peter, it was mentioned and important to the scene.
I actually think this one was better than the first one.
Looks like a lot of fanboys who won't accept criticism comment here
I loved this movie a lot, considering I'm a huge fan of Spidey, but he has damn good and funny points in this review. Two of the most frustrating scenes in the movie had to be where Harry infiltrates Ravencroft, and Rhino was only in the last 2 fucking minutes of the movie. How do you show the fight starting but never finish the fight with Rhino in action?
There where a few parts in this I disagreed with him on, but he is spot on about the Rhino that was bullshit.
I like Adam from YourMovieSucks. I think he makes valid points about films, and has a GREAT fucking taste in films. You guys should check out the films that he does appreciate. They range from pretty well-known stuff like Her and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to foreign and pretty obscure stuff like Haneke's work, The Holy Mountain, and Kid with a Bike.
That being said, I did think this movie had a lot of stupid stuff that kept it from being a really good film, but other times, I felt like he was being nitpicky.
I disagree with the actors not wanting to be there. I thought they did a good job, and I even enjoyed Dane DeHaan. I do think that the filmmakers were the ones who just wanted to finish it quickly because so much of it was underdeveloped. I mean come on, that subway scene? It gets you excited to see more about Peter's father's secrets, and you wonder what the whole big thing is about, but it was just his lab and him talking about the spider venom. Maybe this will lead into something big in the third film, but it felt so unnecessary to the plot that was happening. His points about advertisements in the film were correct. Come on, that fucking song? Really? And I know people like the voice in that dubstep track, because it is kind of a neat technique to bring out Electro's thoughts, but I am one of the people who think it was silly.
I do think the fight scenes were pretty underwhelming, Green Goblin was underused, the tie-ins were weak, Rhino was COMPLETELY underused, music was bad, and the biggest effort in the plot was Gwen's death.
I truly believe that Spider-Man 3 was way more fun than this.
I thought the soundtrack was incredible. I'm not really big on dubstep either but even Max's schizophrenic voices in the background were cool.
This guys is usually on point with his reviews and this review is no different, product placements immediately remove me from a movie's atmosphere no matter what and overall just a stupid movie.