Disclaimer: There are horrible things that
happen in this review, and if you are a child you should not be watching this. Cool Cat Saves the Kids is about as
amazing as you'd expect from a trailer like this. [Erik Estrada] Wow, Vivica.
SUCH a beautiful day! [Vivica A. Fox] Oh it sure is, Erik. And where is Cool Cat? [Erik] DERE HE IS! [Cool Cat] HI EVERYBODY-- [YMS] And don't think I'm not aware
that this is an easy target, but I feel like I needed to even
out my channel a little bit while I'm in the middle of
analyzing an intelligent art film. So here's a nice and
healthy dose of stupid. [Cool Cat] He's about to
graffiti our neighbor's wall! And it's not cool to... [pauses] ... paint on someone's wall! [YMS] Cool Cat is the creation
of a man named Derek Savage, the writer of such classic
pieces of literature like Sweet Revenge, The Dancer: A Male Stripper Story and God's Thunder, an "Awesome story that
will amaze you at every page," and one that LA review calls
"Stephen King meets Left Behind." His website features his various works of
literature for both adults and children. The same website also proudly displays
his history in Playgirl magazine. I dunno, you'd think that you wouldn't
want something like that so easy to click to from the same place that you
can play Cool Cat's fun match game and watch a cartoon of Trolly the Trout. It was last year that my good
friends at Everything is Terrible terrible shared a link to the film's
trailer on their Facebook page, and as soon as I watched it all I could think
was "Oh god I have to see this movie." So I quickly bought the Cool Cat movie and
book package and I even bought a t-shirt. And let me tell you, if you're
looking to pick up girls, this shirt is quite the pussy magnet! [wind blowing] Now unfortunately, whenever adhesive
he used to stick on the label wore off pretty quick. So I just peeled the whole thing
off and drew my own, fuck it! With this new interactive
Cool Cat DVD, your child now gets to have fun drawing
the label! So you pop the DVD in and hey look
it's everyone's favorite font. The way he presented these opening
credits makes it seem as though Erik Estrada is playing Cool Cat, but
nope Erik Estrada is playing himself and Cool Cat is played by Cool Cat. Can't forget to plug the book! [Derek] Hello everybody. Hi, I'm Derek, and this is... [Cool Cat] Hey everybody! I'm Cool Cat! [Derek] And what would you like to
start off with first, Cool Cat? [Cool Cat] Daddy Derek,
let's show 'em our books! [Derek] Boy, that is just a great idear. This is our- our- our 8 Cool Cat books, and you know, when you get the whole
entire collection, It's just like having a [demonic]
BIG OL' STACK OF PLAYING CARDS. And this is "Cool Cat Stops Bullying," "Cool Cat Loves Baseball!" Here's another one, and this
is "Cool Cat Loves Wrastling." Hey, here's "Cool Cat
Loves Alternatul Fuels." And this one right here is
"Cool Cat Loves the Soldiers," and this particular book stars every branch
of our United States-- States military. What you think about the
soldiers, my friend? [Cool Cat] The soldiers are awesome!
They help keep us safe! [Derek, as narrator] This is a special
news report. We have terrible news! Bullies have been pickin' on children
everywhere and it is tragic! There has to be a way
to stop the bullies! [Girl, horribly echoing] Help! Help!
It's everywhere! I'm being bullied! [YMS] Well if you didn't wanna get bullied
then why'd you go to Bully's Diner? So right at the beginning of the film,
it would appear as though Cool Cat's already solved the bullying crisis. Maybe these newspapers should have
appeared at the end of the movie and not the beginning of the movie. Unless there's some non-chronological
art film. Bravo, Savage. Hey, it's a suburban Los
Angeles neighborhood. You might wanna get your door checked. Somebody tell Cool Cat there's a man
that's trying to break into his house! [90's-sounding stock music] [Cool Cat] Wow... this looks great!! There's the finishing touches, and... Another one done! Haha! [YMS] According to Cool Cat, last
crucial step of constructing each sign is rubbing it all over with your paw. Get it? Finishing touches? Ha ha ha ha HA! I am a child and I like to skip, I don't
walk normally because I'm a child. [doorbell rings] [Derek] I'll get it! [Cool Cat] Thanks! My hands are full! Haha! [YMS] No they're not! Remember kids, Cool Cat says it's
okay to be a lying little shit! I guess whoever broke into
the house was polite enough close the door behind them. [Derek] Hi Maria! Cool
Cat's in the kitchen. [Maria] Hi Cool Cat!
It's a beautiful day! [Cool Cat] Hi Maria! I love
it when it's pretty outside! [Maria] I made a work area with the
blankey ass 'em morse heinz plies! [??] [YMS] The fuck you
just say to me bitch? [Maria] Now we can make more
signs for the neighborhood! [Cool Cat] AWESOOOME! [ominous music plays] [Child] Boy, I feel like picking
on someone! And look over there. If it's not Cool Cat and Maria.
They think they're sooo cool. Well I'm gonna pawn gum. [??] Maria has pretty hair, so
I'll text her it's ugly! [evil laugh] [YMS] Yeah if her hair were
actually ugly I wouldn't say it. If a bully picks on you
for wearing glasses, it's actually because
you're not wearing glasses. [Maria] Hey Cool Cat, I just got a text.
But I don't know who it is! [Cool Cat] Well, there's
only one way to find out! So? See what it says! [YMS] Are you sure that encouraging kids to
open unsolicited texts from strangers is the best idea? You know some creep might've sent
them something really inappropriate. [Male voice] Don't leave our conversations
open when you leave the computer. [Female voice] Oh. That's a good idea. [Male voice] Just using my noodle. I'll use this noodle so that
you can use my other noodle. [YMS] Like, if you're going to
incorporate modern technology into a film that's marketed towards children, and
also you're trying to teach them life lessons, this might not be the
best advice you could give them. [Cool Cat] Could be good news!
I love to get good news! [Maria] Yeah, me too! What if it's a secret contest, and
I just won a whole bunch of money! [Cool Cat] Then we could take
a nice trip togetheeerrr!! [Maria] That's a splendid idea! [YMS] Okay so now you're encouraging kids
open unsolicited messages that say they've won a bunch of money? Isn't that how you get personal
information stolen? Or a virus? You know, there's a lot of people that
cater towards a younger demographic because they feel like kids won't notice
if they're watching something bad, but should you not at least put a little bit
an effort into making sure you're not giving them horrible advice? Like not just out of
obligation, but maybe from a marketing perspective? You are trying to sell Cool Cat to people
outside your group of friends, right? [Anchor] I'm joined live with
Derek Savage, he is the author of a brand new series of books called
"Cool Cat." Tell us about this, how did you come up with this concept, "Cool Cat?" [Derek] Well--[stutters] If you read a lot
of kid's books, I saw that there wasn't rel'anything out there that taught
children about goin' grink and being nice to the environment.
[Anchor] Okay. [Derek] Like in "Cool Cat
Goes Ethanol" right here, is-- it's a story that teaches
quotin' [??] children about... ...about bein' nice and
friendly to the environment [Anchor] Okay. [Maria] Listen to what
someone just texted me! "You're ugly and your hair looks like
rat hair." Why would somebody say that? [Cool Cat] I don't know! But
that's really really mean! [frustrated groaning] That
person's just a big, big bully! Rrrr... gah!! [Demonic voice] I'll fuckin'
strangle that shit! [Maria] Hey, Cool Cat. I just got
a text from the same person. Should I open it? [Cool Cat] Sure! You know, maybe they
feel bad about that really mean text, and now they wanna apologize. So see what it says! [YMS] Yeah come on, don't worry about it.
Just keep enabling it to happen and then maybe you could capitalize on being a
victim later. [Maria] You're right Cool Cat, and always
look at the best out of everything. I love you for that. [Cool Cat] Thanks Maria.
And I love you too. And I'm Cool Cat, and I love all kids! [Camera shutter] [Dramatic music] [Chris Hanson] What kind of
a guy has a screen name... "Can I Rape You Anally?" [Cool Cat] Oh no, you got it wrong!
That's not the truth! [Chris Hanson] But remember,
we have his chat logs. Where he writes to someone who
says she's a 13-year-old female "...I like rape." [Maria] Oh no! This text
says that I'm fat an ugly! Am I fat and ugly? [Cool Cat] No, and that's terrible!
You're very, very pretty! [YMS] You know what
Maria, I take that back, the anonymous texter is not who you
should be worrying about right now. [Bully] Why do they call you Cool Cat?
They should call you Dumb Cat. [Cool Cat] Who is this?! [Bully] You heard me! You might look
like a cat, but you stink like a dog. [Cool Cat] Dogs are my friends!
Identify yourself! It's Butch the bully!
And he's running away! What's the matter with him?
He's always bullying somebody. And he has no friends. That's not fun! [Maria] Yeah, he doesn't
have fun like we do. [YMS] Remember kids, if you don't have any
friends it's because you're a miserable, overweight bully. You know, if you're
catering towards an audience of children who are being bullied, you might
want to acknowledge that oftentimes the ones being bullied are the ones that
don't have any friends, and oftentimes the bullies themselves travel in packs. Like, way to rub it into some
lonely, friendless child who might be watching this. So since I got the movie and book
package, I decided I would entertain myself by going through the book.
And entertaining it was. There is no discernible difference
between Cool Cat and his dad. There are several illustrations in which you
can see the reflection of windows outside. And Cool Cat looks like more of a creepy
pedo than ever before. Swiggity swoody. The most notable feature of
this book is that it solidifies just how intentional the casting
of the bully was in the film. Like, the bully's the only character
that's even slightly overweight in both the book and the film. Fuckin' chubby people with no
friends, you show 'em cool cat. So now Butch the bully's spray
painting over the top of their signs but the wind blows some
paint in his face. [Maria] That's what he gets.
My daddy calls that "Payback." [Cool Cat] So does my daddy.
In fact, my daddy says, "What goes around, comes around!" [YMS] Uhh... so I guess the appropriate
question to ask right now is "How old is Cool Cat?" Who is your daddy, and what does he do? So either you're old enough to have a
driver's license, or you're encouraging children to go on joyrides. So now Butch rounds up some other
kids that are bullies I guess? [Kid 1] What do you want, butch? [Kid 2] Yeah, what is it? [Butch] Look at this! Let's go have fun. [Kid 1] What're you talkin' about? [Kid 2] Yeah, lay it out man. [Butch] What I'm talking
about is having some FUN! [Cool Cat] He's about to
graffiti our neighbor's wall! And it's not cool to... [pauses] ... paint on someone's wall! [Girl] Cool Cat's so brave. [Maria] Yeah, he's a real crime fighter. [Cool Cat] Why do you wanna
paint the wall like that? It looks like Butch left you holdin' the can! [Kid 1] Yeah... I guess so. [Cool Cat] You know, my parents have
a saying: with friends like that you better not have any enemies! [??] So why do you wanna paint the wall? [Kid 1] Because nobody loves us!
We tag on other people's things so that they know we were there. [Kid 2] Nobody cares for us.
That's why we do it. [YMS] I thought this was Butch's idea! So anyway Cool Cat solves the problem
by spreading his love all over them. [Cool Cat] There's a lot of people
that love you, and care for you! I know because [mic tap] I love you! [Kid 1] Let's have some integrity, and
clean up the sandboxes that we tagged. [Kid 2] I'm down with that, man! [Cool Cat] That's groovy! [Maria] I bet those kids have never
been shown so much love before! [Cool Cat] Thanks, Maria! And it's
all true. You see, I think every kid has something special inside of them.
They just have to discover what it is! [YMS] You know it's getting real weird when
the cameraman starts his heavy breathing. [Cool Cat] Have a seat! [audible breathing from behind camera] [Derek] Hi, Cool Cat and Maria! You guys having fun today? [Cool Cat] Yeah, but...
it's been a wild one today! [Maria] Yeah, it's been crazy. [Derek] Well hey, I hope that's a great
thing, and come inside, lunch is ready. [YMS] Alright, I guess just don't tell your
parents that there's a kid going around spray-painting your neighbor's property. Like maybe that would be an appropriate
response that you'd wanna teach the audience. So now we get introduced
to Cool Cat's mom. [Mrs. Cat] And someone is home. Hello, this is the
Cat residence? [George] Mac
wants the flamethrower!! [Childs] Mac wants the what? [George] That's what he said.
Now move! [Childs grumbles] Damn it! [YMS] I guess Daddy Derek's fuckin a cat? There's a lot of implications here... [Derek] Hey, come on over here honey, look how clean we got
everything going right here. [Mrs. Cat] It looks great! Thanks
for your help in the kitchen. [Derek] Oh you know I love
to help you all the time. Get over n' gimme a hug. Mm-mm! [slowed down] Mmmm-mmmmm! [Cool Cat] Wow! Look
at this cool webpage! Ooh, look at that one! [Cool Cat gasps] Look at me! I'm sufin' the web! [Cool Cat breaks into musical "Ba-ba-bas,"
matching percussion of background music] [YMS] So now Cool Cat starts
getting cyberbullied. [Cool Cat] I'm getting
bullied in my own house? I could write something really mean... But I don't wanna do that. Plus, whatever I write could stay...
on the internet for a long, long time! If you were nice, you would have more
friends. And friends are coo-ool! [YMS] Again, you probably shouldn't be
implying that people that don't have friends are just horrible people. [Cool Cat] "I'm a bully and
I'm gonna get you tomorrow!" Oh Noo!!! What should I doooo?! Oooooh!! [Cool Cat makes distressed noises] [YMS] Well apparently Cool Cat
decided to take a fuckton of LSD, and is now having crazy hallucinations. You know, in most movies when you wanna
make a puppet or mask look like it's sleeping, you just construct small pieces
of fabric to imitate eyelids. Because right now, Cool Cat looks like
he's trippin' the fuck out. Remember, this is the movie's
font choice, not mine. [Cool Cat] What should I do?
[Ghostly Butch laughs in the background] [Cool Cat] Now I get mad
when someone bullies me... [Ghostly Butch re-emerges] [Cool Cat] The brats...
I'll just punch 'em! But wait! You'll get in
trouble if you hit someone! And that's not cool! [YMS] Remember kids, if you find a way to
hit someone without getting in trouble, then by all means use it as a solution
to your problems. Also what is this, I Heart Huckabees? What the fuck is going on? [Cool Cat] Huh!? Huh?! [YMS] So at some point through
Cool Cat's spirit journey, he comes up with a
solution to his problems. [Cool Cat] I'm gonna learn
to stand up for myself! [Cool Cat makes increasingly
distressed noises] [YMS] Man, I'm so glad I took all these
hallucinogens it really helped put this situation into perspective. "All right now run down the stairs like
you're really excited!" "I can't run that fast Daddy Derrek, I've
got freaking tunnel vision in this thing!" So Cool Cat and his sugar daddy Derek go
for a ride to Hollywood for some reason. [Cool Cat] Hi everybody! It's me, Cool Cat! And I've got a GRR-
FAAAAAANTASTIC story to tell you! [YMS] Now they're back at home again. So if you haven't guessed already,
they've only got one suit between Cool Cat and Cool Cat's mom. You can see the lines separating the takes
shift over when Cool Cat enters the room. Like why didn't you just adjust the line to
be in that spot before the shot started? Fuck it! [Cool Cat] When we were in Hollywood, Someone asked ME to be
in the Hollywood Parade! [Mrs. Cat] What? What's he talking about? [Derek] I know honey, but I was
there and it's the real deal. The Hollywood Parade wants Cool Cat to be
in the parade, to bring happiness to the kids! [YMS] You know with all three of
them in the same shot... frame? I can't help but wonder the
specifics towards their family structure. Alright, so here's what it looks like to
me: Cool Cat and his mom are just extreme furry role play enthusiasts. See, Cool Cat is secretly a twenty-nine
year old unemployed computer technician that just really likes to pretend
he's a child, and also a cat. And Mrs. Cat is likely a man who likes to
pretend he's a cat lady who is also a mom. Daddy Derek entertains
their fantasies while maintaining an intimate
relationship with Mrs. Cat. He's always wanted children, so he's
just as happy to have a grown man pretend to be his child, and also a cat. Occasionally, Cool Cat takes powerful
psychedelic drugs to help put him in a state where he more easily believes
he is his animal fursona. They're so committed to acting out their
crazy fantasies that they never take off or wash their costumes. [whispered] You can tell they're fursuits
because they have to wear clothes over them. I mean, it's only logical that this
is how their family unit functions. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure Daddy
Derek's breaking California state law. [Cool Cat] Nngggah... I've
had a really long day! Can I call you tomorrow? [Maria] Sure, Cool Cat.
See you tomorrow, bye! [Cool Cat] Ngah, yup, it's beddie-bye time. [dramatic stretching noises] Doesn't really seem like it's late. I guess your crazy drug binges are
catching up to you a little, huh? So Cool Cat decides he wants to
spice up the Hollywood parade by writing a new song
and bringing a new car. [Cool Cat] I wanna jazz it up with a...
new car and a new song! [Derek] Wow, that's a great idea.
And you know... We- we could call the car the... The Cool Cat Convertible! [Cool Cat] Oh, that sounds super-duper! [YMS] So they upstairs and shit out some
lyrics and then come back down to perform it. And at this point we get to
hear Cool Cat's singing voice. [Cool Cat, sung] Cool Cat
likes to rock and roll! Cool Cat likes to love and sing! [YMS] So either the actor playing Cool Cat
can't sing, or there really is that much of a dramatic difference when he's not
yelling inside a helmet. Also nothing's plugged in. [Cool Cat] You sound so awesome
on that Van Halen guitar! [Derek] Hey, thanks man, but it wasn't me.
This is a special gih-tar. Hey, check it out, it's autographed
by the Van Halen band, and it was autographed back in the 1980's! [Cool Cat] W- Wow! [YMS] I'm starting to think
this entire scene only exists so you can show off
your autographed guitar. So if that whole song wasn't painful and
repetitive enough, they've got another song for us. [Rapper] Yo yo yo! My name is Cool
Cat and I'm the coolest cat there is I love to play and have fun,
and I'm always on the run The sun in shinin' and I'm feelin' fine, so
everybody listen to the words I'm sayin' [YMS] You know, if you're going to
incorporate song breaks into the film, you may want to organize them so they're
not all at once. After the first song ends, you'd think that
they'd get back to the movie for a bit. But nope, they just start another one! [Cool Cat] But wait! There's more to come! [Death Grips] To get all of the
above in a limited amount of time I can do this and it's done,
like that we're on our way Be it acid on the tongue,
cocaine in your brain Or some weed that hits your lungs
Like a runaway train Hell yeah, from DMT to MDMA Got all that shit and more
So 'til dawn we're okay... but anyway.. [Cool Cat] Wow, that was fun!
I hope the kids llllove it! [Mrs. Cat] Oh, I bet the kids
will boogie to that song! [Derek] Hey, it was cool, Cool Cat! [Cool Cat] I didn't know you guys were
standing there! And thanks! [laughs] [Mrs. Cat] And you better get ready, Cool Cat!
It's almost time for the Hollywood parade! [Cool Cat] That's right! And it's time
to pick up the Cool Cat Convertible! Yaaa-aa-aa-aaa-aa-aay yay!! [Derek] Have fun, son! All right! [Subtitles by R]
Man, Adam is putting a ton of work into these videos now.
Next time someone's an asshole to me on reddit that's how I'm going to respond:
"If you were nice you'd have more friends! And friends are keewwwwll!"
I love how YMS zooms in on the most hilarious small details
I'd like to meet the guy at 10:30
/u/anUnkindness, I don't know how you managed to sit through so much of this, let alone the whole thing and then edit through it later on... But god bless you man, that was fantastic. Can't wait for part 2
Derek Savage is Doug Stanhope's evil twin.
http://www.gfycat.com/AridPointlessAnhinga
I cannot get enough of YMS's videos. Whether it's super smart or stupid, it's hard not to enjoy the fuck out of these videos.
I admire a mother fucker with this kind of wit, skill and insight.
This is all a joke right....I mean "Cool Cat" can't possibly be a serious thing.
Just look at the fucking website...
http://www.dereksavage.com/coolcat.htm