YMS: Was there ever a show you watched as a child that left you absolutely traumatized? YMS: Perhaps it was a movie that gave you recurring nightmares for several years YMS: Was there ever a seemingly normal and child-friendly TV show that you trusted YMS: That all of a sudden produced something that was terrifying to watch? YMS: Well, welcome to the club, 'cos I've got a video full of this bullshit! "Arnold, NOOOOOOOO!" YMS: Now, with some of these you might be thinking "Adam, that's not scary" "Man, I didn't know baby Adam was such a beta PUSSY! YMS: But with other items featured in this video I think you'll get a pretty good understanding of just why they affected me in this way YMS: The shows that made it onto this video are ones that kept me up at night when I was just a little, baby boi YMS: So, this is not one of my more seriously tones recommendation videos where I avoid spoilers and tell you to go see it YMS: Consider this to be more like a bunch of mini-YMS reviews all centered around the same theme YMS: So without further ado, allow me to revisit the dark and painful repressed memories YMS: that I buried deep down so very long ago, YMS: starting with 'Jumanji' YMS: starring Robin Williams YMS: This PG rated family, fantasy, adventure film was a lot better in my memory than revisiting it as an adult YMS: I mean, I like the concept and Robin Williams definitely helped make things a lot better, YMS: But, overall it's just kind of... dumb? YMS: And the over abundance of 1995 computer generated effects YMS: doesn't really help the movie age all that well either. YMS: Now how exactly this film wound up giving me nightmares is actually pretty simple. YMS: It planted terrifying fantasy concepts into my fragile, little brain. YMS: Pretty much, no matter what number you role in this board game YMS: spawns something in your immediate vicinity YMS: that only has interest in fucking murdering you. YMS: Yep, that's a family movie if I've ever seen one YMS: Here in Jumanji, we've got fun for the whole family! YMS: Your kids are gonna love it so much they'll be screaming "Mom, dad please help me, I don't wanna die!" (Robin Williams laughs maniacally) (Screams) YMS: Alright, so let's see YMS: We've got ominous, creepy drums that lure children to the board game, YMS: followed by a child screaming for his life as he gets sucked into a fucking vortex YMS: Then we've got giant, killer mosquitos which we later learn can send you YMS: into a permanent seizure with just one bite. (Squeak) YMS: Then we've got creepy CG monkeys YMS: that want to murder you YMS: Then we've got a lion Timon: Run Pumbaa, move it! Pumbaa: HEY! YMS: Then, we learn that the mosquito's YMS: could easily pierce through your fucking skull YMS: Then we've got someone's fetish (Robin screams) YMS: This thing fucking terrified me YMS: Then we've got gun-wielding psychopath YMS: who immediately wants to kill you YMS: Apparently you can't even reason with him YMS: Then we've got "Stampede!" YMS: Then the boy turns into an ugly monkey-child YMS: and nearly gets crushed to death YMS: Now, this whole next sequence is a lot less scary and a lot more stupid YMS: Like, all of a sudden this movie YMS: just really wants to be Home Alone for some reason (Gun-wielding psychopath screams) YMS: Can someone please explain to me why these characters YMS: feel as though they need to go back to the house to continue playing the game? YMS: There is no such rule that says you need to go back to that house YMS: Didn't you leave a bunch of things that can easily kill you there? YMS: For what reason have you decided that this house is the best place to finish the game? YMS: Also isn't the only thing you have to do to beat the game just get to the last space? "Roll the dice to move your token, doubles get another turn, the first player to reach the end wins" YMS: If you all just rolled really quickly one after the other, you could beat the game in like 30 seconds Why don't you do that? YMS: Whatever, I guess they're going back to the house for some reason. YMS: "Let's not think strategically about this in any way whatsoever! YMS: "It's only OUR LIVES." "Shouldn't we play someplace else?" "No, I grew up in this. It's out there that scares me." YMS: Literally on the very next roll, they are already facing consequences for that decision. -"What do we do now?"
-"We get to higher ground!"
-"Okay!" YMS: Yeah don't break any of the windows or anything (screaming) YMS: So the police officer conveniently kicks down the door YMS: and they just hop right off this extremely low chandelier YMS: and then we get to the one that gave me fuck-tons of nightmares as a child. YMS: I don't know what it is about the thought of sinking through the floor, YMS: but something about it was absolutely terrifying to me. YMS: Perhaps it has to do with how absolutely helpless you would be YMS: and if that wasn't bad enough, now you've got giant spiders to bite your fucking face off YMS: Absolute nightmare fuel. YMS: Anyway, the house splits in two, they finish the game, and everything goes back to normal. YMS: And for some reason, they dispose of the board game in the most irresponsible way they possibly could. YMS: Anyway, that's about all I have to say about why this movie made me shit my pants, so let's move on. YMS: Next on this list is Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. YMS: Now I have absolutely no idea how old I was when my parents decided to put this movie on, YMS: but however old I was, it certainly left an impression on me. YMS: This movie is kind of awful. Its only redeemable qualities are that of a time capsule to the 1970s YMS: Like yeah it's pretty fuckin obvious that it's a joke and you're not supposed to take it all that seriously, YMS: but it's not funny at all and none of it is impressive in the slightest. YMS: Basically the joke is that it's tomatoes that are killing people. YMS: Ya get it? Cuz it's tomatoes and they're killing people, but in real life tomatoes don't kill people YMS: unless you choke or have some sort of bizarre allergy? Ha ha! YMS: Man, it's so funny that tomatoes are killing people. I mean at first I didn't get the joke, YMS: but then I was like, "Oh yeah! They're tomatoes." YMS: Now, to the average viewer, there's nothing really scary about this film at all. YMS: The concept of killer tomatoes is so ridiculous and absurd that it's hard to take any of it seriously at all. YMS: That is, for the mind of an adult at least. (Synechdoche New York part 5 WHEN) YMS: When it comes to the mind of a developing brain that is yet to distinguish between YMS: implausible and laughably-implausible fantasy-horror, YMS: It might just scare the shit out of them and induce several nightmares. YMS: I dunno, killer tomatoes seemed about as plausible as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, so why not? YMS: When you're taught to believe things like 'making a stupid face too often will make it stuck that way' YMS: It makes otherwise preposterous concepts a lot more believable. YMS: Especially when my face DID get stuck that way. YMS: The mind of a child is not only manipulable to begin with but it is conditioned to believe the unbelievable. YMS: There's a fat man that breaks into your house every year and leaves you presents YMS: There's a lady that breaks into your house to steal your teeth in exchange for Canadian currency YMS: There's a goddamn bunny that breaks into your house to leave you candy YMS: When you grow up, you can be anything you want. (You can do anything if you set your mind to it) YMS: You will understand one day when you have children. (If you pray hard enough, it will come true.) YMS: One day you will find the right person. (You will find someone that makes you happy.) YMS: The skills you learn in school will help you later in life. (The government is not reading your emails.) YMS: KILLER TOMATOES! YMS: THERE ARE GODDAMN KILLER TOMATOES WAITING FOR YOU TO LET YOUR GUARD DOWN FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND YMS: SO THEY CAN END YOUR LIFE! YMS: Ehh, seems plausible. YMS: What's funny with this movie is I'm pretty sure my parents turned it off within like five minutes anyway. YMS: All I remember is this opening scene: (grumbling) *plop* *screams* YMS: All it took was this one, poorly-filmed scene to leave me absolutely horrified. YMS: You can't even tell exactly what happened, but I guess my brain filled in the rest. YMS: I guess my brain didn't manage to figure out that this is just a reversed shot YMS: of someone pushing a tomato into the sink with their fucking finger. YMS: Kinda funny how that works out, isn't it? YMS: Next on my list is an episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" YMS: A Canadian TV show for kids who actually wanted to shit their pants. YMS: and let me tell you, although I did wind up getting traumatized here and there, I did enjoy a good scare. YMS: Now when JonTron covered this show, he mentioned that the episode that particularly haunted him YMS: was "The Tale of the Dead Man's Float" YMS: I guess I probably didn't even see that one as a kid cuz I don't really remember it. YMS: However, there is one episode that I do remember giving me nightmares called "The Tale of the Captured Souls" YMS: Now this is something where more or less the concept freaked me out for whatever reason YMS: Basically, this family goes to some weird hotel for their summer vacation YMS: Upon arrival, things get comically weird. "It's locked!" "Ouch!" "Well. Hello." YMS: So this creeper shows them their rooms, YMS: and our main character starts to wonder why there are mirrors everywhere. YMS: Then they start asking about his parents. "Oh, they're not here. Actually, they're off on a cruise. "You're here all alone?" "Not anymore." *sniff* Mmm! YMS: Then she finds a photo of him from the 1920s YMS: and he's like 'nah, that's my grandfather, we just look very similar' YMS: Then she finds his "transference of energy" project. "It's natural selection, with a little help." "Don't!" "You'll ruin it!" YMS: Then he starts creepily staring at her face. "I think you're breaking out!" YMS: So if you haven't guessed, this guy's using an elaborate setup to steal their youth YMS: using the mirrors in the house, and her parents are frustratingly oblivious. YMS: I think what freaked me out the most about this YMS: was the idea of something slowly killing you and your family, YMS: mixed with them being too fuckin stupid YMS: to do anything about it when you try to tell them what's going on. YMS: I mean, watching this episode now, it's all pretty fuckin laughable. YMS: But hey, it gave me recurring nightmares, so it's on this list. "Look, there's something really weird going on here!" "It's just the old wiring." "In a mirror?!" "What happened here? Get this cleaned up before somebody gets hurt!" "I'm gonna take a nap." *zap* *coughing* YMS: So naturally she discovers his evil plot, YMS: and her parents are pretty much about to die of old age. YMS: She forces him back into his contraption by pointing a mirror at him, YMS: which, for some reason, he built with the ability to lock himself inside. YMS: Also, for some reason, he built the machine with the ability to reverse the whole process. "Nooooo!" [DMX - Party Up]
♪Y'all gon' make me lose my mind♪ ♪Up in here, up in here♪ ♪Y'all gon' make me go all out♪ ♪Up in here, up in here♪ YMS: Well, it looks like the day is saved. Everyone can go home now. "I just found this out front. Any idea who it is?" "No. Just looks like some sad old man." YMS: Wow. YMS: Next up on this list is Goosebumps, YMS: another Canadian TV show aimed at children looking to shit their pants. *barks on time with the song* YMS: Now when I was a kid, I absolutely loved the Goosebumps series, YMS: whether it was the books or the show. YMS: I have vivid memories of watching "The Haunted Mask" on VHS about a million times. YMS: Rewatching it was an adult was easily the most nostalgic experience of this list. YMS: Now for the most part, this episode is pretty tame. YMS: Girl gets bullied, she decides she wants to scare people for Halloween, YMS: she winds up stealing a really scary mask but then she can't take it off, YMS: the mask starts making her act like a little bitch. "Hehehehe" "Listen, don't frighten her like that. She's just a little girl." "Oooh. Well isn't that too bad." "Hey, cut it out!" "If you don't stop talking, heh, you'll get what's comin' to ya too!" YMS: But then right around the end of the episode, we get into the real nightmare fuel. "Shh, shh! Quiet, quiet." "You'll awaken them." YMS: *unintelligible* YMS: These things are fucking terrifying. YMS: and the way they're presented with ghosting frames doesn't really help all that much either. YMS: Now despite how terrifying as these things are, this isn't even the episode that really fucked with me. YMS: What wound up giving me the worst recurring nightmares from Goosebumps YMS: was "Monster Blood" and "More Monster Blood" YMS: Allow me to explain. YMS: So basically this kid winds up having to stay at his great aunt's house for a while. YMS: So naturally he starts snoopin around and his aunt's like 'yo stop doin that' YMS: so later he comes back with his friend and snoops around. YMS: They find a jar labeled "monster blood" with some green goop in it and decide to open it up. YMS: This spawns a cat for some reason. YMS: and like the little shits that they are, they decide it's so cool that they're gonna steal it. "This jar hasn't been opened in years. It's not like we're stealing it. We're just playing with it and then putting it back." YMS: "Yeah officer, I didn't steal this phone, I was only borrowing it until the new model comes out!" YMS: They then discover that it can be used as the most epic bouncy ball of all times. "Hey, let's see how high it'll bounce!" "Okay." (fly buzzing) "I wonder if Mikey sees that car!" "I hope he does!" "Watch out, Mikey, there's a car!!" [Sarah McLachlan - Fallen]
♪Though I've tried, I've fallen♪ ♪I have sunk so low♪ ♪I've messed up. Better I should know♪ "Whoa! It went into orbit!" "Trigger, no!" YMS: So not only did you steal this shit, but you're so irresponsible that you let your dog eat it. YMS: Great. YMS: The next day, this find out that the monster blood has been growing with no signs of stopping. YMS: They then try to get it all gathered it up, but they seem to be doing a really shit job. YMS: Like, do you have a lid for that bathtub or what? YMS: "Hmm, this shit's growin like crazy, oh wait maybe I should check on my dog" YMS: "Oops." "Looks like we've got a 10-foot Trigger running around the neighborhood." "Hugh Mungus." "Should we go look for him?" "No, no, first we contain the monster blood." YMS: Yeah, that's right, fuck it. YMS: On the list of priorities, trying to make sure my dog isn't eating someone YMS: is not as important as collecting the green goo. YMS: So now they're starting to fill up this bath, so they take a bit of a break. YMS: and the monster blood is now trying to eat our main character. YMS: They decide to get the fuck outta there and realize that they screwed up real bad. YMS: Then the plot takes kind of a weird turn. YMS: Evan's great-aunt comes back home and she's like 'what the fuck I told you not to go in that room' YMS: By the way, this cat is actually some witch lady. YMS: Does that make sense? No? Ah, whatever. Fuck it. "It was almost 30 years ago." "It was about midnight, and I smelled something coming from her room. "if I'd known she was practicing dark magic..." "right when she had me, she stepped into the monster blood." *screams* "I scooped up the monster blood and put it back in the jar." "Then I locked it up and hoped that no one would ever find it." "Oooh, but someone DID find it." "Take them, my monster blood, take them all!" "Crush them and consume them." "Heavens! What's that!" *barks* YMS: *laughs* Oh my god! YMS: This is awesome. "Get her, Trigger!" "Nice puppy!" *barks* *hisses* YMS: So the dog barks at her and she hisses like a cat cuz she was a cat YMS: but the dog keeps barking at her and then she steps in the monster blood YMS: and she gets sucked right into it yay! "Nooo! Not again!" YMS: "heheeehehe." YMS: Looks like everything is back to normal. "Trigger!" YMS: So now he's on a plane to go visit his parents YMS: and he's just finished telling his friend that highly-implausible story. "Once we got it back in the jar, we buried it where no one would ever find it." "I hope you got it all. Can you imagine if a little piece had stuck to your shoe or something? That would be a disaster." "Well, it wouldn't be good." YMS: Oh no! Oh shit! No no no! YMS: That is not good! Uh no! YMS: Now that episode alone was enough to freak me out over the concept, YMS: but this next episode was the one that really sealed the deal. YMS: If "Monster Blood" was "The Blob" for kids, then YMS: "More Monster Blood" is "The Blob" for kids but also "Snakes on a Plane" for kids! "Enough is enough! I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday-to-Friday plane! Everybody strap in! I'm 'bout to open some freakin windows." YMS: So the flight attendants start giving out food, YMS: and we learn that this kid is allergic to practically everything. YMS: Meanwhile, the monster blood is doing... shit (rumbling) "Did you feel that?" "Sure did!" "We better check this out." YMS: "Yeah that's right, turbulence isn't a thing, we gotta check this one out." YMS: Scratch that, I looked it up, and apparently pilots can almost always see turbulence before they run into it. YMS: I learned something new today! YMS: "I read books about smart things because I have glasses." "A giraffe? That's pretty good!" "Thanks!" "Today's my dad's birthday too." "Cool." YMS: So this guy goes to investigate the disturbance. YMS: Hey, check it out, apparently Goosebumps isn't even free from the YMS: "black guys always die first" trope. "Ahhhh!!" YMS: So now we're introduced to this character whose only motivation appears to be going to the bathroom. *dramatic sound effect* YMS: Guys, I think we're gonna need an instant replay on that jumpscare. YMS: "Ah!" YMS: "Ah!" YMS: "Aah!" YMS: "Ah!" YMS: "Aaah!" YMS: So instead of taking a piss like a normal human being, YMS: he immediately starts rubbing soap into his eyes. YMS: "Man that hurts, I better get some water on my face." YMS: Just how he didn't notice that isn't water before rubbing it all over his face is beyond me. YMS: So now there's a pretty big lineup, he's probably dead. "He's been in there 10 minutes!" YMS: Our main character shows up, and he's like 'oh shit' YMS: but apparently it was a hallucination? YMS: Whatever, it doesn't matter, feels over reals, fuck it. "Monster blood!" "What?" "It's here! Monster blood, you gotta believe me! Tell the captain to land the plane!" "Just relax, ladies and gentlemen, nothing to worry a-bat!" YMS: A-BAT?? "Nothing to worry a-bat!" (about) YMS: A-bat. YMS: You retard, it's pronounced a-boot! YMS: The flight attendant knocks on the door, there's no response, she uses a key to unlock the door, YMS: and it turns out there's nobody inside. YMS: "Yeah, you dummy, we're not dealing with monster blood, YMS: we're dealing with a mutant who can disappear in an instant!" YMS: Wow, get a load of this lady. YMS: "Well, I have been standing here this whole time and definitely would've noticed if he came out of the YMS: bathroom, but I'm just gonna take it and run before the runs run down my pants." YMS: So now she finally starts wondering where the other flight attendant went. YMS: Oops! *slurping* YMS: "Hey, what was that noise behind this curtain YMS: that sounded like a gelatinous blob digesting and entire human bei- oh shit." YMS: "Who's smokin?" YMS: Alright, so shit's actually starting to get real now. YMS: No more cutaway bullshit leaving you wondering what happened, YMS: now we are actually witnessing people getting sucked into and consumed by the monster blood. YMS: I mean, sure, a lot of the action is still out-of-frame and implied, YMS: but holy shit did this ever terrify me when I was a little boy. *slurping* YMS: So pretty soon, literally every passenger on the plane has been eaten except these kids. YMS: Was there no one sitting in front of you? "There's nothing rational about this stuff. I mean, last time it stayed runny. This time, it's more blobby." (applause, Full House ending music) YMS: So they start throwin a bunch of shit at it cuz I guess nobody's got any better ideas. "Something's happening!" YMS: Uh, okay wait a minute. YMS: Is this Goosebumps episode really just one big joke about airline food? "It's an incredible discovery! Airline food makes the monster blood sick!" "I THINK I PREFER THE SMOOTH TO THE CHUNKY STYLE" (applause, Full House ending music) YMS: Yeah, it'll eat someone's laptop, but airline food? EUGHH YMS: So now they figure that if they feed it enough airline food, they might just kill it, YMS: and wouldn't you know it, the food cart is on the other end of the plane. YMS: So this kid crawls through the overhead baggage compartments. YMS: Is it just me, or do these things not usually connect seamlessly from one end of the plane to the other? YMS: Also, apparently everyone on the plane didn't really feel like bringing all that much with them. YMS: So now this thing tries to go after Curtis, but CO-nan jumps in to save the day. "CO-nan!" "No! Augh!" "Conan!!" "Ahh!" "Conan!" YMS: So now these two are trying to figure out how to get the cart unstuck, YMS: and Julia comes up with a brilliant distraction. (matador music) "Come and get me! Yeah you!" YMS: Why?? YMS: I should probably mention that that trumpet was from the show and not from me. YMS: Anyway, they push the cart into the monster blood, and it throws up all the airline food yay! YMS: Hey, this shot is just a mirror image of that shot from a few minutes ago. YMS: Anyway the monster blood's dead and I guess everybody's okay now. YMS: "Let's not even acknowledge that thing that just happened." YMS: Oh, look! a DAWG! "Call me if you feel like it. I know what it's like to be the new kid in town." "Thanks." YMS: "Oh wait, hold on guys, I almost forgot my jacket!" "AaAaaaAaAhAH!" YMS: "Aaaaaaahahah." YMS: So all-in-all, these two episodes of Goosebumps were cheesy as shit, YMS: especially when comparing to episodes like "The Haunted Mask," YMS: but when you have the brain of a young and impressionable child, YMS: no amount of cheesiness can make these fantasy horror concepts any less terrifying. YMS: If I had a nickel for every monster blood-themed nightmare I had when I was a kid, YMS: I'd... have a lot a nickels. YMS: That's it, that's all I got. [Goosebumps Theme, slowed down]
Is it just me or is Adam a lot more Canadian in this video?
Here's one thing that gave me nightmares as a child. Plus, everybody I know who ever saw this as a child got nightmares too.
There's something really unsettling about the clouds in the sky suddenly speeding up, then going back to normal.
"I THINK I PREFER THE SMOOTH TO THE CHUNKY STYLE"
Oh my god, this may be one of my new favorite YMS video since Nanalan. This is fucking hilarious. With this and the 2014 list and the awesome quickies, I'm loving the new content from Adum. Keep up the great work!
Also, does anyone know the song he plays for the fake closing of a sitcom, I've been trying to figure it out since Samurai Cop.
This felt like more of a Jontron video than a YMS, but I think that's better for the actual content matter.
tenouttaten
Adam have you ever seen The Langoliers? It's a Stephen King made for tv movie and it traumatized me as a kid. It's like Goosebumps aimed at adults. I rewatched it a few years ago and it's laughably bad and it's all shot like a documentary reenactment. I feel it could fit in this series, but if you haven't seen it I'd recommend it.
It's also on Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaILamlcOqw
Holy shit, Arnold's head freezing on Pluto is a lot creepier-looking than I remember
I got fucked over by the movie "Jack" Because Robin Williams ages 4x faster than normal and it made me realize as a child how short a life is. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116669/
this shit right here made me sleep in my parents bed for like a year or some shit! Mars Attack