Who's At Your Table ? // Dr. Dharius Daniels

what's up family Darius Daniels do not fast for with this I know you I know you I know you I'm getting right to this word but please don't do me like that don't fail I got two quick things I want to share with you and I want to let you get right into this message you're gonna enjoy this message I pray you do it's from a series I'm doing at our church called listen to this put people in their place so you're gonna be blessed in a minute but listen to things really quickly I just need like 45 seconds the first is this if you're watching this before January 19th 2020 I want you to join me for change night ATL what's that it's when I come to a city I bring our worship team with us and we bring a night of transformation to the people in that city the address is on the screen if you're anywhere in the Atlanta area or if you know someone would you please do me a favor it's all I'm asking of you spread the word because we want to help as many people as possible that's it the second thing don't fast-forward it I know you second thing I'm excited to announce is I got a brand new book that's being released January the 28th 2020 so if you're watching this before January 28th 2020 this is what I want you to do I want you to go to my website darius daniels r:q calm and I want you to pre-order this book I tell you what I want you to pre-order it because I did a sit-down eCourse where I taught the principles of this book relational intelligence is the people skills you need for the life of purpose that you want people in your life have a place and you got to put the right people in the right place your purpose demands it your peace requires it and your productivity will be blessed because of it I'm telling you this book about relationships the content changed my life I believe it's gonna change yours now if you're watching this video after the book is released you can go anywhere books are sold Barnes & Noble Amazon you can get this book but telling you this is a resource I believe is going to change your life speaking of relationships enjoy this message put people in their place I believe this series is gonna help position us for it it's called put people in their place and so Matthew chapter number 26 verse number 20 says when evening came Jesus was reclining at the table with the twelve while they were eating he said truly I tell you one of you will betray me they were very sad and begin to say to one another surely you don't mean me Lord jesus replied the one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me the Son of Man will go just as it was written about him but woe to the man who betrays us on a man it would be better for him if he had not been born then Judas the one who would betray him said surely you don't mean me rabbi jesus answered you have said so I want to talk from this subject in our time together the subject is a question the question comes from verse 20 which says Jesus is reclining at the table here it is family who's at your table ladies and gentlemen boys and girls children of all ages is the first Sunday of the year and I think we need to talk we need to have a dialogue about your destiny we need to have a pep talk about your purpose we need to have a critical conversation about the single greatest contributor to you living a flourishing fulfilling and fruitful life we need to talk about your relationships we need to talk about your relationships because this is an essential area that most people underestimate they are unaware of the implications of who they have in their life and who they allow to have influence over their life they are oblivious to the reality that their spiritual emotional professional and financial well-being is impacted by who is in their life the Bible puts it this way in proverbs chapter 13 verse number 20 proverbs is a a book of the Bible situated in a section of the Bible called wisdom literature it's a literature that God wants to use to make us wise because it's possible to live righteous and not live well walk with the wise and become wise for a companion of fools suffers harm Solomon is saying he wrote this proverb we evolved into who we are around he says in another place in proverbs 27:17 as iron sharpens iron so one person sharpens another in other words family there are no neutral relationships no casual relationships they either push us forward or pull us backward they push us into purpose or push us into pain they bring us joy or they bring us sorrow people are sent from God or sent by the devil so we must not only evaluate who comes into our life we must also ask ourselves who sent them were they sent by God for my advancement and my development or were they sit by the adversary to be a destruction that ultimately leads to my destruction relationships matter friend of mine once a at this I never forgot it there's no such thing as a neutral relationship it may feel neutral but it's not neutral there's no such thing as a neutral relationship our relationships either move us forward or they move us backward they are helping us they're hurting us they are getting us closer to God's plan and purpose for us or they're moving us further away now this is what's scary about this there's a scripture that says don't be mislead bad company corrupts good character so here's the thought the thought he leads with is don't be misled which means it's possible to be unaware of the impact that a relationship is having on you yeah right so this is I mean look a little bit later we're gonna talk about assessment because in the book we give some tools on how to actually assess the impact that relationships are having on you and I'm kind of jumping ahead here but one of those is being able to act your self non-judgmental feeling questions about how do I really feel when I interact with this people with this person you know especially when you're a person of faith sometimes we're so busy filtering our feelings we don't feel our feelings when asking should I feel this way or it's wrong for me to feel this way or is this judgmental when the truth of the matter is our emotions our emotions our messengers they're the equivalent of a check engine light on a coffee it's telling you like hey you need to pay attention to this they matter they matter God would not have invented them if they did not matter when God created the human species you and me he created us to be relational as long as I've got King Jesus I don't need anybody else great song I know the intent of the heart it means very well great song not great theology we need of the people that's not what this the song is it's saying we don't need other people I get the point of the song but I think at times we can under we can be so bruised and burned by betrayal we adopt an attitude that suggests I don't need what God designed me to operate with relationships are you here family somebody say relationships matter they matter family God created them we created the human species Adam he looked at his creation evaluated the creation and say it's not good that man be alone here's the trip y'all he wasn't alone animals were there so the fact that he said I need to create another aspect of the human species the female is God recognizing that I don't need it more than company he needed someone to compliment him so he could carry out the calling that God had for the human species so the creation of the woman was not God's intention just to give a man a wife the creation of the woman was God's intention to give humanity females he's saying that the human species can't do what I called it to do with just one gender I need the female gender because she is a helper she adds value when she walks in the room and she's functioning in purpose it's addition not subtraction it's multiplication not division is there any sister in the room that can holler at your boy if you add value if you know when I walk in the room help just showed up are you here this is why it's important for people to have the spiritual life right because then you get your sense of identity from your Creator and not from culture and so you're not struggling with issues about whether or not I have the right curves and what's my weight and what's my checking account looks like it am I too old I'm older now and I'll have a ring on my finger listen it's better to be single and lonely they married and miserable let me find somebody over here that will talk back to me I'm telling you right now God sends people to help us carry out our calling relationship therefore relationship management is life management because relationships are purpose partners and I believe the ability to manage relationships is a kingdom life skill anyone that is going to experience God's best live like the Kings Way anybody that's gonna experience more has to master the life skill of relationship management now remember relationships are about pursuing our calling not just company so when I talk about relationship management I'm not talking about pain avoidance you know if I say put people in their place some people like that's right cuz people messy if for some time II know how your business Oh Facebook that's right pastor you tell a pastor I'm not talking about the avoidance of pain I'm talking about the pursuit of purpose you got me I'm saying the right people need to be in the right place not not so that bad things won't happen the right people need to be in the right place so that good things can happen see the difference right so that if I am pouring my life into someone I'm pouring my life into somebody that's a sponge and not a rock come on because whenever you make a decision to invest your life into somebody you are investing an irreplaceable asset you can't get back and that's time you will never be as young as you are right now y'all are talking to me this is as young as you will ever be and each day you spend time on something you are spending something you cannot get back and if you're going to make investments into people it is important to know if they're sponge or Iraq if you're gonna submit yourself to be mentored and coached by someone you want to make sure they have more than an anointing you want to make sure they have a mantle what's the difference and anointing empowers them to do it a mantle empowers them to teach it just cuz they can do it for themselves doesn't mean they can or want to teach you because some people have great gifts big gifts but small hearts and if their heart is small they're so intimidated by your potential they won't share what they know it's one thing for them to know it it's another thing for them to be willing to share it and some time you give me and so a mentor has to have more than a big gift a mentor has to have a big heart and be willing to share with you what they know and what they've learned and not be intimidated by your advancement some of you are wanting to be mentored by people who don't want you to win and that's why they're not exposing you to the information that's why when you're asking them to help they are not happy helping cuz they need more than big gifts they need big hearts and when you submit yourself to someone with a big gift and a small heart you are making an appointment for abuse and exploitation I need relational intelligence because intelligence doesn't transfer areas I can be competent in an area to make resources but not intelligent to manage them I could be competent in my job but bad at relationships I need relational intelligence what is that pass Adair's relational intelligence is the ability to define and align your relationships relational intelligence is the ability to define and Ally your relationship pasady is what does that mean are you all ready for this come on this day 11:30 y'all it now come on this delet cry I said are y'all ready for this just because you call them something don't make them that this y'all the real side over here K did you hear what I just said just because you call them something don't make them bad we we need to define and align our relationships I'm defining not to judge I'm defining to a line I'm defining Saul know where to where to put you so I know what to expect of you right so if I know you or take her I know not to treat you like a friend does that make sure it it because if you're a taker and I treat you like a friend with a friend I'm expecting reciprocity but if I know that's not in you I'm not gonna judge you I'm just not gonna give you more than I can stay in the loose so when you call my line if it a in me i'ma say that ain't in me today I got a headache I don't feel like it I'm tired I'm ready to take an out not today it's this not today it's the ability to define and align our relationships because when I look at the way Jesus managed he is he's the prototype for how to do life the best way right the King's way that's the prototype when I look at the way he manage scenes this is what I see in Jesus's relationship management he's the model he's the epitome he's the example of relationship tells us this is what it is Jesus Jesus life teaches us this everyone is to be loved biblically valued equally but treat it differently love biblically that means I'm gonna love you without conditions your age your race your gender your socioeconomic status your educational level has no bearing on whether or not you should get love valued equally your age or race your gender your socioeconomic status your educational level none of that should determine if you are more valuable in the eyes of God but treat it differently because treating everybody right does not mean you treat everybody the same Jesus had 12 disciples apostles apprentices mentees but he treated three of them different than the rest he treated all of them right but he didn't treat all of them the same there were three of them that historians called the inner circle that's what they were called the inner circle they were Peter James and John and so there was some places Jesus went he took the inner circle he and take everybody and watch this he took the inner circle and then didn't give an explanation because when you have relation on intelligence you release yourself from the obligation to explain to everybody why they don't meet the criteria to have access to a certain place in your life when you get relational intelligence sometimes I can't make it is enough [Applause] when Jesus went to the Mount of Transfiguration he didn't take all of the twelve he took Peter James and John when he went to the Garden of Gethsemane he didn't take all of the twelve he took Peter James and John when he was at his height he took Peter James and John when he was at his lowest took Peter James and John because people that are in your inner circle of people that can handle you when you're at your best and they can also handle you when you are at your lips [Applause] everybody gets love everybody doesn't get access why why pastor Darris here's another I know I may be shaking your theological treat a little bit although everyone is equally valuable everyone does not add equal value to you I'm not saying treat people like commodity that's not what I'm saying I'm not saying throwaway people that you deem to be useless that's not what I'm saying but I am saying everyone doesn't have the same level of value to your life there are some people that are in your relational orbit if y'all are no longer in relationship with each other nothing really is effective but there are some relationships if something happens relationally your life is impacted in a different kind of way see there are some people that are hard to replace and those people that are hard to replace are expressions of favor from God I'm not gonna bother this cuz this is this is not that kind of series but I do have to throw it in there for your mind one time here it is that's why the Bible says whoever finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord woo a wife is favored on two legs you look at I say look at the favor of God God you gave me that oh you must love me come on I need somebody to talk to me I want the main man it changed Church when your wife walk in the room to say favor favor favor favor favor favor favor cuz when you get something that's unique that it'll take you your whole life to replace if you can find it do you understand that how hard it is to have people in your life who genuinely love you with a self sacrificial love who really want you to win who are loyal who are supportive who arrived do you know how rare that is but if we don't live with relational intelligence it's not that we will harm those people to be dishonorable or disrespectful to those people but without relational intelligence the people that mean the most to you will get the least from you because relational intelligence is living with intentionality okay can I give you all an example huh all right here it is right here in second Samuel I think it's chapter 9 that's what I want right who was here the 9 o'clock help me I'm getting old some yes second step 19 second Samuel chapter 19 all right here it is second Samuel 19 my man you invited it right yeah get him a seat right here by her with the Eco stuff y'all figure it out that's my man right there when I get there with these weights I'm gonna be like him on y'all I'm tryin to get old huh vanity all benefit I don't have pure motives when I walk in the room I want my wife to say [Applause] oh great for me right now I'm back I'm better there's a man named David who was spiritually passionate but he did live with relational intelligence when you look at what disrupted the fruitfulness of David's life it was all relationships think about it Absalon let's just think about all of that Amnon Tamar all of that relationships one time the Bible says one of his military advisors his friend we will talk about that next week cuz friends have these kind of conversations with you you understand what I'm saying they've earned enough they've earned enough relational equity with you that you trust them enough to have the hard conversations cuz you know cuz they proven they have your best interest at heart right see some people try to spend what they hadn't earned with you is I don't have enough history for you to talk to me like that I don't know your mom okay verse 5 says then Joab went to the house to the king and said today you have humiliated all your men who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines and this is where it says in verse 6 you love those who hate you and hate those who love you and I tell y'all what's happening here you had David had a group of men that are literally fighting and risking their life to save his because his life is in jeopardy by a son named Absalon who's trying to kill him but David so wants people who have blood to act like family I said again he wants people who have his same blood to act like family that he is missing out on the people who don't have his blood better treating him like that do y'all see this he said listen he say the people that love you the most he says you treat them the worst and he says you running behind people who have already come to a conclusion about you you can't change Epsilon's mind about you but you ignoring people who already see you for who you are that was an intentional on Davis part but that can happen without intentionality and I think all of us at some point or another are guilty of that taking people for granted not intentional but I think I think we all people like that don't come around make sense so this is an area we want to improve I know I do and Jesus gives us a blueprint on how to do it because Jesus is the model of what it means to live with relational intelligence and here in our foundational checks text Jesus is sitting at this table I love this because the Bible there's a Jesus and Christians here and then there's a Jesus of the Bible and sometimes those things beyond match because we just like think Jesus is sitting his legs crossed like he's always praying they at the dinner table Jesus is reclining at the table he chilling and while they were eating just everybody's eating out of the blue this is so gangster out of the blue they eat good you can like this y'all like this one of y'all don't betray me no warning goodness somebody at the table so the disciples start asking okay is it me is it me is it me now remember three ways you can live your life church's way cultures way King's way in the church's way a cultures way the response will be something like this they know who they are I'm not gonna say anything they know who they are God knows who they are Jesus is built different they like who is it Jesus like the one whose hand is in the bowl with me right now Judas I want you to know I know Jesus knew this I believe not just because he could see with his spiritual eyes he knew this because he Darko's could also see with his natural eyes he saw signs he didn't judge but he didn't ignore he's like yeah I believe you're gonna be the one that betrayed me because earlier when we were together and we was at this house and his woman had an alabaster box with expensive ointment and she broke it and came and put it on my feet and started washing my feet with her hair everybody was complimentary and supportive but you were sitting over there in the corner sucking your teeth talking talking about we could have taken that and we could have given at it up or and he's like I didn't judge that but I remembered I remembered and now I've been with you long enough to see what has always been in you so I'm hurt but not surprised cuz I saw this in you and you were probably upset with me Judas when I took Peter James and John to the Mount of Transfiguration and I didn't take you but you didn't know I saw this in you and you were probably upset when I took them to the Garden of Gethsemane and I didn't take you but you didn't know I saw this in you Judas so Judas you know what whatever you're going to do do it quickly meaning I know that you have already made up your mind that you're gonna be who you are so I know I know that I'm getting ready to wash your feet and you're gonna leave here after I wash your feet and betray me because I recognize my goodness will not change your character no matter how much I wash your feet when you've determined to be who you are there is nothing I can do to change your mind about a decision you made about your character and some of us keep watching people feed because of you you think if I'm so good to them then maybe they'll be good to me their goodness is not based on your character their goodness is based on their character I'm saying somebody free I hope the Holy Spirit it said it someone free here cuz some of you looking at could I have done more should I should have done more I wasn't enough and he said if I were to did more and she said about I did more there's not enough foot washing in the world to make Judas not Judas when somebody is a taker giving a in them you just know how to position you see that said whatever you do quickly I'm not gonna delay the inevitable he didn't remove him from the table see some of us we pity like that like and I'll be sitting here in my fool even somebody take his plate I know what you get ready to do sit up here either with me like I don't know I know where's my real they not they I lost the realness somebody get me my give me my food here it is family Judas was the only imperfect personality Jesus had to manage when you're doing relation when there's relational intelligence you're managing imperfect people so there has to be a non-judgmental awareness I'm aware but not judging so that I know where to put your favor favor favor favor favor [Applause] favor favor favor they [Applause] what was I preaching about somebody non-judgmental no no non judgmental awareness right so here it is cuz watch this you know who else is that Jesus table Thomas who's Thomas that's the supportive skeptic the dollar right he was that Thomas doubted Jesus's resurrection for those who may not be familiar with that part of the story he was like unless I see the holes in his head in his feet in his side unbeliever Thomas is that supportive skeptic that's your friend they supportive and skeptical at the same time you don't think about starting a business for real well girl you can do it I think I don't know I'm praying for you go ahead I would do I wouldn't do it but you go ahead you don't judge them you just know you that's not your first call when you dream it when you struggling with a dream you don't call somebody who's gonna help you struggle you got James and John they were at his table they were competitors even with the Jesus one time and say Jesus listen now when you get to your throne I know it's 12 of us it's not it's not gonna be that many chairs up there yeah but I know you're gonna have one on your right hand and one on the left it's two of us me and James don't tell Peter cuz you know how you get with them sorts of people's ears and stuff like that I don't want no drama I'm not trying to be messy but but but I listen listen we just want to sit on your right hand and on your left they're competitors they wanted to to feel like they had a relationship with Jesus that was unique from the other twelve it wasn't enough for them to be in the twelve they wanted to be different from the twelve and they were already in the inner circle that was different and Jesus had already given them a name they were called the sons of thunder but when people are needy enough is never enough [Music] [Applause] see they represent good pig friends they just draining is that alright he's just like oh they're a nice person they just drained me though okay you there was somebody else at the table Nathan you Nathan you was Jesus son Nathan no he said behold one in Israel in whom there is no guile no cap he just he see just honest he's the blunt buddy not that kind of blunt right buddy that's in the bud what's this number I'm trying to see something real quick try to see something no that's the person that's truthful but not tactful it's the friend that says anything in front of anyone you like listen you can't say that Pete Peter was at that at that table Peter represents the temperamental team member I'm with you for life beat for life own life I'm with you my own life I'm with you fun life I'm with you BFF best friends forever you know Jesus I don't know it you know Jesus I told you all knowing you know Jesus I told you don't ask me anymore I don't know one moment he's like super spiritual and performing exorcisms then the next moment he's taking out a sword and cutting all people ears he's the one that's hard to live with but you can't live without right he cutting off people's ears you you taking the ear putting it back on the person saying Peter I can't believe you did that but you ride for me like that you know this is so wrong but you my man you shouldn't have did that but he had it commented me up here's the person you're going in a certain room you pull up in the parking lot you put the car in park you look over at Peter you take a deep breath now listen we get ready to go in here Peter please I don't feel like fighting the night I don't feel I lost them they're not real okay oh I don't feel like fighting the night I don't I'm just I'm just trying to have a good time don't embarrass me please Judas is at that table Judas Judas is the Judas is the blind betrayer he betrays and he's blind y'all missed that then so he hurt you but he feel like the victim he heard you he feel like the victim he man you should be mad he mad at you you betrayed me but I'm wrong it's the one that can see everybody else but then all of them are at the table and Jesus had to manage all of them differently he treated all of them right but he didn't treat him the same cuz you gotta know where to put him you see that you understand what I'm saying so you gotta know who to put where where to who to take where knowing the tree not judging it but knowing it by the fruit that it bears and this is something people have to get right because if not you're waste time investing in people who you think are sponges but they're rocks if not you'll neglect real friends hanging with associates I'm gonna tell you i'ma show you the difference in this series if not you will miss out on acceleration in your life because you're you have to keep learning everything by experience experience is the most effective teacher but it is also the most expensive one cuz cuz it costs you time see cuz see the mistake cost you time when you got to clean it up have you ever heard something in church or a podcast or YouTube you ever learned the principle and you're like I needed that five years ago why because not knowing that cost me five years sometimes some mistakes cost you more than that because of the cleanup you have to do so when you learn everything by experience your life is not a it's not a progression where you're up is not not a consistent season of progressions its seasons of starting over and cleaning up so this cycle of I'm always fixing stuff from the last season and not advancing and God knows a God wants us to know I'm done that he's not just a need meter he's a need Assessor what's that mean pastor he assesses our he knows what we need even if we don't and this is what's scary about relational intelligence most people don't know they need to improve it because they think as long as they not in pain they doing a good job but relational intelligence in just about managing pain it's about pursuing purpose God wants to increase our awareness and there are three things that need to happen number one we need to open our eyes Jesus didn't ignore what he didn't judge what he saw but he didn't ignore it and if our eyes are open we'll see patterns not judge issues but just know what issues can assassinate me if I don't manage it right number two we need God to open our heart because the Holy Spirit is our sixth sense I'm not saying everything we feel is God but some things we feel are God and there are times that sixth sense is telling you don't tell them that don't share that with them that's too soon don't do that and when we ignored that it can cost us may God open our heart and last but not least may God open our ears the Bible says the mouth speaks what the heart is full of and no one is perfect even people who love you will need some work and there are times where people's mouth is telling off on their heart and they don't the heart is deceptive God knows our heart we don't always know it so if you listen carefully sometimes you can see I think that's my best friend but I think I think they competitive if your ears are open you can hear that you say you know every time I talk about me we don't keep talking about me we start we start talking about them see if your ears are open you won't pay attention to that and then I mean they're a bad person that I mean that they're evil it may mean that when they grow up grew up they didn't get the emotional affirmation needs met so they're in adulthood with insecurity and the insecurity is playing yourself out with competitiveness so it means that you don't judge their jealousy you just love them enough to stop triggering it you know I know it is you know I realized I think when I start talking about what God is doing in me and through men for me it triggers something in them so even though they I love me with all of I love them with all of me they can't handle all of me yet because this isn't just about having good relationships or having good friendships it's about being one cuz that's part of your purpose I'm gonna talk to you about that next week father I pray for three things open our eyes that we could see open our heart that we can sense open our ears that we could hear in Jesus name Amen clap your hands on this first Sunday of 2020 everybody how many excited about this series hey I hope you were blessed by that message it's a part of a series called put people in their place I'm gonna let you go but as always there's one thing I always ask of you I hope this content is blessing you I only ask one thing if this content is adding value to your life I want you to share it with someone else email it text it our mission is to help as many people as possible change their and we can't do that without your help thank you I meet so many of you who tell me you share these videos it means the world to me and I pray it's a great blessing to us now also from time to time many of you ask how can we reciprocate right how can we sew back into the field that we're harvesting from we've never actually you for that but there are times where people ask us how they can do that well if you want to be a blessing to finance a financial blessing to change church you can go to life change.org and you can do that there and support the work that we're doing through change church or if you want to sew into dearest Danielle's ministries which is the teaching ministry God has given me outside the context of our local church you can go to dairy stainless calm and do that we don't pressure you on our and we do believe in the principle of reciprocity but we're on this platform because we want to be a greater blessing to you thank you so much we'll see you next week take care

Channel: Dharius Daniels TV

Views: 172,287

Rating: 4.9282432 out of 5

Keywords: dharius Daniels, change church, td jakes, Steven furtick, ed young, John gray, Mike Todd, Devon Franklin, Keion Henderson, Joel Osteen, Criag Groeschel, Judah Smith, Levi Lusko, Chad Veach, Chris Durso, Rich Wilkerson Jr, Trent Shelton, Eric The Hip Hop Preacher Thomas, Dr. Matthew Stevenson, Pastor Ron Carpenter, Pastor Samuel Rodriquez, Bishop Tony Evans, Jamal Bryant, Toure Roberts, Pastor Chris Hodges

Id: ugYJNOsHTxA

Length: 45min 10sec (2710 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 06 2020