Who Was The Dumbest Person You Ever Met? (r/AskReddit)

who was the dumbest person you ever met how did you know I was a cook a few years ago in this particular busy night we ran out of lobster mac and cheese this one waitress could not understand how this was possible and just kept nagging and nagging in disbelief I got annoyed to the point that I told her the reason for this was that there was a shortage of people with small enough hands to milk lobsters tiny nipples hens a worldwide shortage of lobster milk to make that dish I had to come clean with her when she started telling this to customers and they demanded to speak with a manager I went to high school with this guy who probably had about three brain cells he was a stereotypical redneck here's a list of the stupid crap he did that I can name off the top of my head during a music class where we had a work period foursome project he asked the teacher if he could go make up a test he had missed earlier that week for a different class the teacher said yes he left the room went into the bands instrument storage room took a nap then got really peed at the teacher for not letting him make up the test in the same music class we had to use GarageBand to create a soundtrack for something and there were some guidelines we had to follow instead of following the guidelines this kid just filled the timeline with random loops admitted to doing that then tried to argue with the teacher about his grade for the project 20% tried to become a SoundCloud rapper he recorded his mixtape in the school bathroom then deleted it about three weeks later because everyone made fun of him for it the only line I actually remember was from a diss track way he said roasted in a pan of ovens started fights with four different people and got his butt kicked three times the one guy who didn't beat him up was two years younger 6in 15cm shorter and probably about 80 lbs 36 kg lighter one fight was started because someone made an incest joke about him and his cousin one was because someone made fun of him for the previously-mentioned line from his mixtape one was because someone was calling him by his rapper name his initials which apparently was disrespectful because the other guy didn't know his middle name and one was because he was flirting with a girl who already had a boyfriend bragged about getting his very own tractor but refused to show anyone any pictures of it a few weeks later someone finally convinced him to show pictures it was a frickin lawn mower got caught watching Peter in class on his school laptop responded by punching it into breaking the screen tried out for the baseball team one year couldn't go back for a fly ball without falling on his butt Miss slavery pitch during batting practice and got mad at the coach for not letting him on the team my friend wanted me to try whole-wheat pasta I explained that I'm allergic to wheat she said to try it because it's not wheat it's whole wheat just say that you are whole allergic to whole wheat my former boss was worried that the island of Manhattan would sink with all the extra visitors for New Year's in the ball dropping she thought Islands float and when she found out that wasn't true she thought it was so funny that she told everyone the story she was later fired for withholding a pay raise from someone on her team because he didn't accept her romantic advances he had the texts to prove it I remember a guy I knew in middle school who put money into a vending machine and then his item didn't come out then he put more money into the machine and two of the item he wanted came out he then exclaimed alright two for one man I remember a guy in middle school who would put money in the vending machine and then sell the item for less money because he thought that what making a profit was one time my now ex-girlfriend was watching Maury Povich one of those paternity test episodes with the classical you are not the father moment and she turns to me and says if we ever have a baby and I found out I'm not the mother I'll kill you thankfully we didn't end up reproducing you just randomly bring home a baby congratulations dear we've had a child I was working retail at the time and this lady walks in and asks me to tell her when it is quarter after 10 a.m. she needs to catch a bus we were slow so I obliged 10:15 a.m. rolls around and I tell her so she drops her stuff and runs out to get the bus five minutes later she comes back at scowling and she then lectures me on how to tell time how much is the quarter twenty-five so why would you tell me a quarter after tenner is 1015 eh it's 10:25 a.m. tell her that her bus is late today it will be in at $3 to 11 I was taught 11th grade science by a teacher who believed tattoos were genetically inherited he had just purchased a new high-powered BB gun we had just finished shooting it in the backyard when he points the barrel at my face and pulls that trigger several times I tell him to stop being an idiot and he just laughs and says it's not loaded than the [ __ ] puts the barrel in his mouth and pop shoots a BB right through his tongue and into his uvula I asked a temp at work to weigh a couple of lever arch files for postage she came back and told me there were 65 kilograms I asked if it were possible that it was six point five kilograms but she insisted it wasn't we argued about it for a good five minutes it wasn't until I asked her how much she weighed 59 kg that did finally twiglet these two small folders couldn't possibly weigh more than her had a girl I worked with at McDonald's sweetest could be but denser than the concrete the store sat on two moments stand out to me one she thought the Great Wall of China was in Arizona two she firmly believed North was whatever direction you were looking at the moment I had a boss who told me that she never kept leftovers from a meal because that's how polio got started all that precooked food in the supermarket I teased all polio a girl in my class in middle school genuinely thought people had landed on the Sun her explanation for this belief was to insist that the Moon and Sun are made of the same stuff well yet protons neutrons and electrons you can build a lot of wacky crap with that though a friend of mine is a sweet guy but is overweight and balding and quite frankly not very attractive in the face well one day he lets us know that he has met a girl and she might be the one he's in his late 20s for reference well I've met some of the Jules he's hooked up with in the past so I wasn't expecting too much it finally meet this girl and she is drop-dead gorgeous and has a body that is incredible I talked to her for a while and she is super friendly and outgoing I'm stoked for my boy he found the best he's ever gonna find anyway the night progresses in the new couple starts talking about their plans for an upcoming trip to New Mexico and she starts telling us how excited she is because she has never gone to another country before I laughed a bit and realized she was dead serious my friend just looked at me and shook his head and I knew that he knew she was dumb as a fricking rat but she was his dumb frickin rock f wiw he helped her get her passport I worked with a woman who would be constantly on her phone but if she set it down she'd think it would be someone else's she legitimately spent 20 minutes looking for her phone believing that the phone in front of her was another co-workers then finally did it dawn on her that it was hers don't know how she survived 50 plus years when I was in the Air Force I was the lead trainer certifier in my unit when a new person would show up I'd watch them do the job answer any out-of-the-ordinary questions etc and when I felt they were ready I'd sign off saying they were qualified this all happened after they finished a six-week school learning the job the 73 troops I trained took on average three days to complete this phase then there was that one guy I took him under my wing non-stop for an entire month he'd messed something up one day and we correct it no big deal the next he'd get it right but get something else wrong then on the following day mess up on the first thing we had corrected bear in mind that he has a step-by-step checklist in his hand that lists everything to do and in what order to do it after a month of this I figured there was nothing I could do for him maybe it was my teaching method so I handed him over to my vizor they spent another three weeks together until he was finally certified a month and a half to learn what should have taken three days personally I really liked the guy had a good heart didn't give up after the setbacks and probably the funniest non comedian I've ever met he was just a bit dense when it came to the job the job was refueling jets which is really about two degrees harder than filling your car a chimp could do it and probably learn in less time Missy our buddy hope you're still doing well I like how nice you are about it and how you acknowledge that II was a good bloke at lot of people just disparage those who aren't as skilled as em good on you a girl in my art class in high school thought there was just a part of the cow called meat when we explained meat is the muscles she freaked out and became vegetarian a girl in my sophomore year of high school who thought there were six months in a year she was really nice but very surprised and confused when we tried to set her right white girl didn't think she could get pregnant because the guy was Mexican swear on my life car dashboard reads 40 miles to e my car says in 40 miles will be going east half of my science class thought that the International Space Station was just some building on the ground is the International land station my wife wanted to meet an old friend from school she hadn't seen for about twenty years we went to dinner and he brought his wife who he met two months ago who was a male entertainer and had two kids he was white she was black and he spent the whole night trying to start crap with people for making racist comments about their relationship behind their back they weren't when we finally got into talking he told me about nine jump points that exist to get off the earth I thought to myself oh boy a flat earther I've never met a real one before but no that's not what he was talking about that would have been so much better than what he was talking about he said there are nine jump points on earth that are essentially wormholes to other planets and that there is one in New York City that goes to Mars and that the American government has already colonized and is hiding it from the people and he was dead serious I know a guy who vaped mercury on a dare out of everything in this thread this one's the most flicked up my friend and ex run mate legitimately believed that cat only had one hole as in they peed and pooped and had intercourse et Cie through one hole I understand that some birds reptiles and fish had clicker but mammals he owns three cats he also refuses to neuter then because he thinks it's unhealthy they're constantly going in and out of heat miserably yelling and writhing all over the apartment which didn't allow pets they're inside casts do does no business owning a pet of any kind they thought dinosaurs were fictional I knew a grown woman who thought that dinosaurs never existed where are a hoax that is being perpetuated through time by scientists trying to be in on the joke her main argument for this point if dinosaur bones are real tell me why it's only ever a paleontologist that keeps finding the bones I know a guy who thinks the specialty he drinks negates the negative health effects off his Packard a smoking habit I remember proof reading a paper for a freshman my roommate had the hots for it was on Jonathan Swift's a modest proposal but somehow this freshman didn't catch that it was satire the opening lines of the paper are burned into my memory eating children would not be a good thing to do in fact we could say it would be bad girl in my class ask the professor if other countries have moons too my best friend asked me this when I moved to Europe she asked if I could see the moon there or if it only existed for the USA my first ever girlfriend thought you had to study for an STD test she was really pretty I currently worked with this person didn't know detergent existed other than tide was washing her clothes with downy and was wondering why stains weren't coming out made a legal right turn from left lane in front of two different co-workers at different times at the age of 20 had already totaled seven cars got customer complaints that she was constantly on phone and tried to hide it when manager was near left a nasty lint roller on the counter covered in fake hair I hate fish I've never had fish other than fish sticks asks how old I am the next day asked if I was alive in the 90s doesn't know own address or what city she lives in didn't believe me that California has snow described how she made tacos once and she put water in it and it turned into meat soup customers said they lived in the boondocks she handed her posted to co-worker that said why do people here live in the boom box Australia is part of the United States she got that in Alaska confused somehow thought Haitian was half asian half black coworker brought in a cake and he told new girl he made it she believed him despite the price tag and retail packaging these are all things she's said to me or within earshot of me I wish I were making this up a girl at my high school didn't know you could get pregnant from semen I had a guy at work tell me that Benjamin Franklin was the hundredth president because he's on the hundred dollar bill I mean we are only on the 45th so he could be right one day we hide a girl a couple years ago I told her where the manager's office was her first day second day she asked me where the manager's office was so I walked her to the door third day she asks me where it is again our manager chewed out the girl who trained our new recruits for not teaching the job properly the trainer pulled out her phone and showed the manager a picture of the girl wearing the uniform backwards and said look at this this is untrainable new girl got fired about three weeks later for stealing the product because she thought she got it for free because she was an employee a friend of mine still thinks cancer is made up by Big Pharma I live in southern Spain I once met a girl from the US who was here on some kind of exchange program when I asked her how did she like Spain so far she said I am loving it I just don't know why the plane took so long to get here I mean we are just a bit below Mexico I don't know where he the flight was too long then I told her that we were in Europe and she didn't believe me her reply with Europe it can't be everyone speaks Spanish so we must be somewhere near Mexico for sure she was in uni I still don't know how why I'm Spanish too the amount of times I've experienced this's stupid at least three people I've met thought Spain was in Mexico I have geography and third-period in this kid thinks there's two florida's Florida FlowRider it checks out my ex-sister-in-law is hands-down the dumbest person I've ever encountered there's literally a plethora of fricking insanely stupid things she's said over the years but I'm gonna use the one that almost made me slap the taste out of her her mouth I had my first son back in 2001 and while I was pregnant she asked me if I was going to breastfeed to which I replied that I was she then asked even if it's a girl and I said of course she then proceeded to tell me that it's perfectly fine to breastfeed boys but doing so with girls is creepy and could make the child a lesbian because they get the feel of her breasts and will remember it and want that intimately to say that I was stunned by her thought processes an understatement I asked her what she thought people did before formula was invented she said cow's milk and before bottles were invented it was a rag soaked in cow's milk sidenote she had three daughters and wouldn't allow her husband to change their diapers or bathe them I worked with a woman with one daughter not only did she not let her husband bathe her daughter or change diapers but she never left her alone with him she claimed all men were perverts by default they couldn't help it I've always wondered what happened to her in her past to make her think that it's sad while visiting the Lincoln Memorial I ran into an older couple discussing the inscription of the Gettysburg Address on the walls the woman asked the man what this was in reference to and if it was about America and the man said something to the effect of no this couldn't be about America we never had any slaves here in our country it must be about what happened in country X these were two Americans I went to school with a girl that legitimately thought nine stroke 11 was done by German Nazis someone asked me if Japanese was a real language in high school twice nah it was just made up by rarely dedicated weebs was working at a grocery store over a decade ago I wouldn't call the kid dumb because he just didn't know it's more of a funny thing he was new and the manager asked him to face the store when he asked what he could do facing means you make sure the aisles look nice and neat and that the product is pulled forward and visibly facing you as you walk down the aisle the kid couldn't be found until someone told the manager one of the workers was just standing in the parking lot facing the store I will never forget that to be fair he did follow instructions literally she had a mug from Disneyland with the name Ronald on it she thought you just picked a mug off the name you like and not your actual frickin name I love this and wanted to be a thing you have been visited by the snake of great corn he will be blessed with corns door eternities to come but only if you comment corn me up snake if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check out another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 110,748

Rating: 4.8875742 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, reddit dumbest, reddit dumbest people, reddit dumbest students, reddit dumbest person

Id: jeYv_x88Qpk

Length: 18min 37sec (1117 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 21 2019