Hi, I'm Dave from Boyinaband, and I'm here with my friend Mikey. So you know when people are like, "ah, there's like a 5 in a million chance of being killed by a dishwasher each year!" like those kind of weird statistics? Today, we're going to take a look at some of those and find out our chances of death from various things. [Mikey] Hurray! There's actually a metric for measuring your likelihood of death called the 'micromort'. "A micromort, from 'micro' and 'mortality', is a unit of risk defined as a one-in-a-million chance of death." Examples here would be like, "Death from all causes in England and Wales," there's a 24 micromort chance of dying every day. [Dave] It's not that bad-
[Mikey] Why is it lower in America? Oh crap it is! That's not fair. [Mikey] haha I thought you guys had guns and everything as well, what's going on with that? like, it's 800 extra per year. ..English people popping their clogs. [Mikey] laughs
What does that mean? You don't have that expression?
[Mikey] Is that like kicking the bucket? Yeah, you pop your clogs.
[Mikey] Pop your clogs? *Dave laughs*
When you say it in that accent it's hilar- (american accent) PoP UR claaaugs?! [Mikey] What the fluff is a clog? *More laughter* A Clog - like a shoe [Mikey] What, how do you pop a clog??? Well, when you're dead you just fall over and your shoes are still there... [Mikey] And that's called popping? When you fall? (Unsure) Sure. What kind of things come to mind when you think of stupid ways to die? [Mikey] Ummm [Mikey] Getting electrocuted. [Mikey] It seems like the risk of getting electrocuted is everywhere, [Dave] Right. [Mikey] Like toaster in the tub! How easy is it to do that?
[Dave] (laughs) Don't advertise it! [Mikey] No! don't do that. Oh, here they've got a murder/homicide rate. Ge-- Oh, Did you see that?
[Mikey] No I didn't. No why?
[Dave] Okay, take a guess: What in a million chance do you think there is every year- [Mikey] every year... -of being killed... [Mikey] in America?
[Dave] Uh-huh. *technological blooping* [Mikey] A thousand. You are wwway over. [Mikey] I'm gonna go with 2. You are way under! it's 48 per year! Whereas overall, you, uh-
over in the States have a lower chance of dying.. you have a wwwwway higher chance of being murdered like by-
[Mikey] That is true..
[Dave] -almost five times! [Mikey] One could argue that perhaps... [Mikey] PERHAPS we could speculate that maybe having guns is an issue? I-if you care about dying.. [Mikey] Do people murder people because it's easier via gun? or.. would they do it anyway, [Mikey] You know? Like why- wha- (quiet) What's the correlation?
[Dave] Yeah, maybe Americans, just just love to murder. Do you ever have urges? [Mikey] No? [Mikey] Did it look like I was about to murder you? This is interesting; what do people actually worry about? 'Kay. Being killed by a refugee [Mikey] Why is that the first one? Why is a cow in this list at all? Like uh- the- [Mikey] Cows be dangerous! [Mikey] Vending machine under that. [Mikey] Most of these are about terror attacks.
Man, Mass shootings, terrorists and cows... *snorts* The three big ones. Oh, we've got a leisure and sport here [Mikey] "Leh-zure".. [Mikey] I love how you say that How do you say it?
[Mikey] "Lee-zure"
[Dave] "Leee-zure"?? This is just turning it into one of those-
[Mikey] Sorry!
-slang and stuff type videos? [Mikey] Ssslaang That stuff's always fun! [Mikey] Shhhhlaang Shhluh *almost laughter* [Mikey] I didn't say shlong.
[Dave] It dosen't, it- ahhh
[Mikey] Now I did. [Mikey] (Brittish accent) SKOIYdiving *laughs*
[Mikey] (mumbled) eheh ohmygod-here [Mikey] Running a Marathon? Seven per run! "Recently a young male Runner DIED from the complications of severe EAH after crossing the finish line of the London Marathon." Imagine finishing a marathon and then just dying. That would be so gutting, like you just waiting to celebrate and then before you get a chance to boast to anyone You're just dead. [Dave] That's unfortunate..
[Mikey] You can boast to Jesus! *Laughter* We're gonna need some more synonyms for death [Mikey] Um. [Mikey] Buying the farm [Mikey] You know that one? Buying the f- I've heard of something to do with the farm I didn't know it was buying-
[Mikey] You gotta buy that shit like monopoly. "To assume room temperature"?! [Mikey] (laughing) What?!
[Dave] That's a great one! [Mikey] "Buy the farm". What up [Mikey] "Bite the dust" [Mikey] "Come to a sticky end"? *mind = gutter* Don't you dare-
[Mikey] I know a few people who've died that way.
(quietly) Oh my god... [Mikey] Cinnabun.. [Mikey] What were you thinking of? "Counting worms", "at peace"- "SHADE"?
[Mikey] "Counting worms..." Just SHADE?
[Mikey] SHAAADDEEE So if you're throwing shade, you're throwing-
[Mikey] If you're throwing...
-the STATE OF DEATH Okay, whenever we discuss death from now We have to come back to this time [Mikey] "Ride the pale horse"? That's racist. *Snorts* Alright, what else we got here, what we got.
Where's the shark stuff? [Mikey] Dun Dun Dun Dun... Dun Dun Dun Dun... [Mikey] DUN DUN DUN DUN Sha- (unenthusiastic) ahhhhhhhhh Well now that I've died to a shark attack, that's unfortunate 'cause it was a, uh, 0.125 Micromort per year risk. So it's one of the tiniest likelihoods that we've come across so far "It's nearly a hundred times less than the risk of drowning when you go swimming". Oh here's one interesting one, um.. Motorbikes versus cars. I heard that expression that's like, "if you- if you love your family, don't ride a motorbike." So let's check whether that's true! [Mikey] I kinda agree with that one [Mikey] I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I'm gonna agree They're going to go out on a limb as well from the looks of things. "Driving a car 400 kilometers, exposes you to one Micromort of risk. You would only have to ride the motorcycle for 10 kilometres to expose you to the same risk of dying". [Mikey] Wow Jesus Christ. I didn't know is that much, like I knew it was more but I didn't really- realize it was 40 times more deadly [Mikey] Is that because people who drive motorcycles also tend to drive more... [Mikey] Risky? Yeah, maybe it's the type of person [Mikey] I want to know about-
I suppose you'd have to force people to drive motorbikes against their will to test that [Mikey] Right which is unethical. So there's no real way to- to [Mikey] Compare it without confounding variables Yeah, so if you're the type of person that would ride a motorbike Then you're 40 times more likely when you ride a motorbike to die than the type of person who drives a car- *Inhales* It gets way less fun when you start to clarify the science
[Mikey] You gotta think about all these things! One in ninety-eight chance of suicide? Isn't that weird to think about? [Mikey] I think that's... one of the #1 leading causes of death among-
[Dave] Well, clearly..
[Mikey] -the lower age range.. [Mikey] Which is really sad.
Oh right for younger people [Mikey] Don't kill yourselves. It's illegal (snorts) That's the only reason not to kill yourself.
[Mikey] No. It's just one. You'll get fined. (chuckles) Yea, if you do you gotta to do it right *facial reaction of feelings* *Dave did you actually just say that* [Mikey] (awkwardly) By not doing it at all! Yeaaah I won't include it don't worry (oh really?) [Mikey] Killed by?
[Dave] "Killed by a serial killer" [Mikey] Ohhh? [Mikey] That's a fun one,
"Chance of being a serial killer victim." People are just about to go and 'meet their maker' and 'join the great majority' and 'hop on the rast- last rattler' and 'go to your reward'. That's a weird one.
[Mikey] All these killers are just trying to get their KiX [Mikey] And Lucky Charms *?????* [Mikey] Wait for it (we believe in u Dave) It's a cereal- ugh oh my god I'm ashamed it took me that long to get that.
*Mikey laughs* Got a point zero zero ZERO three nine percent chance of being a serial killer victim. Less than .01 percent of murders are classified as serial incident [Mikey] It's pretty tiny- that's what she said *judging* *chair creaks in awkward silence* [Mikey] Oh, I wonder if there's like a state death toll I prefer a country death toll A map of death
[Mikey] A map of death, that's what I wanna see You're pretty safe here in uh... Californ-i-A [Mikey] Why is Arizona so intense? Is that like a... Whirlwind territory and stuff [Mikey] No this is whirlwind territory
[Dave] Tornado territory Where's the global map? I want that.
[Mikey] There's only one map- and it's of America. Because America is the universe. (old country voice) I don't know about you but I want to know about 'Murca [Mikey] (high pitched) AmrOWricuhh What the hell was that? That was the highest pitched- America
[Mikey] No I did higher earlier today *high pitched ear murder* (whispers) ...Jesus Christ Leading causes of "lost years of life" That's one way of phrasing it.
[Mikey] That IS one way of phrasing it. So this is the thing that's gonna kill you firs- [Mikey] DIARRHEA?! As the number one cause?
Ah, that's freaking deadly [Mikey] That's so sad cuz it's so-
[Dave] Preventable?
[Mikey] Preventable, yeah.. :( It's pretty shitty way to die. [Mikey] And violence, just in general - violence [Mikey] Imagine. Imagine having more death from violence than from heart disease-
[Dave] Isn't that due to like Drug Cartels and stuff-
[Mikey] Probably..
-in South America? [Mikey] Is that Colombia? (accent) Colombia? OH? Oh? Now that's interesting Well the heart disease rates-
[Mikey] You know why?
[Dave] Why? [Mikey] You should also try to look up a map of highest obesity rates in America and see if they overlap Ooooh [Mikey] See Hah [Mikey] Ding ding ding You're a genius.
[Mikey] I'm a JAINius! That's really cool. Well- well thought I was just looking to see if I could find a smiley face There's two little eyes. HEHEHEHE Let's look at what people were caring about, right [Mikey] A COW! [Mikey] We never figured out the cow
Yeah! Why d-the chance of being killed by a cow
[Mikey] Hey man, they're threatening [Mikey] There you go. That's why. That one cartoon [Mikey] ..could be it
Yeah, that's a pretty strong source. Memes equals facts. [Mikey] Yes *Sore-throated cow noises*
[Mikey] Bwhooohhh [Mikey] I'm like a- I'm like a cow with a sore throat A 1 in 250 million chance of getting hit by a falling coconut Killed by the escape of radiation from a nuclear power station. [Mikey] Oh shiiiiit That's a nice rhyme
[Mikey] Look at this one Left-Handed people killed using a right-handed product. [Mikey] (sad) Awww
"More than 2500 left-handed people are killed every year-
[Mikey] what?! -around the world from using equipment meant for right-handed people. The right-handed power saw is the most deadly item." [Mikey] Wow. Wow. Dying after falling out of bed.
[Dave] Are you left or right handed? *Holds up right hand* *Holds up right hand* *Misses high five* (nice) *laughter* Drowning in the bath! [Mikey] In the bath! Drowning in the bath! ..you said that like you were announcing a giveaway prize or something. *Burst of laughter* [Mikey] This one's interesting- [Mikey] Being killed in an accident at work
[Dave] Killed in an accident at work [Mikey] Apparently, most of those are men.
Like 93 percent or something Oh right [Mikey] Of people killed at work are men because they tend to take-
[Both] take the more dangerous jobs [Mikey] Yeah Lumberjacks and [Mikey] Electricians up in the-
[Dave] Mine-mine workers, gladiators
[Mikey] Yeah, Did you find- We didn't find the cow! Dude. [Mikey] (singing) ba ba ba~
[Dave] This is our- this is our quest at this point [Mikey] De cow quest.
Chance of being killed by a cow COWS YES, COWS Cattle slay an average of 20 Americans every year [Mikey] Slaay. Slay cow slaaaay
*Laughter*
(muffled) Oh my god You realize these people are dying.
[Mikey] This is, I can't. Sorry, I'm SAHrry!
[Dave] Do you think at this point, like- it's such a Darwin Award that it's like yeah, you can make fun of them. [Mikey] I didn't say that, yOU SAID THAT *Laughter* Oh, well, "these deaths occur MOSTLY among farm workers." Again, meaning there's a couple of random-ass people who just got killed by a cow. ( [Mikey] Funny.)
If I got killed by a cow, I would hope people laughed. I'd hope that at least I could have that legacy that like, a couple of people would say, "did you hear about that random, frickin, WEIRDO YouTuber who got killed by a cow?" Wha- Oh, there's something pretty interesting here, Hah. I Just know there's one- "OOH!" [Mikey] OOH. Dying this way, hmm Assault by gun is 1 in 358 but accidental gunshot is one in 7,945 I thought it was way more common for like, toddlers to get... guns and just kill people in their houses I thought it was like more comparable to being shot intentionally... Well, apparently not! Choking is 2,500 people killed.. [Mikey] "Hot dogs are particularly menacing"
*Laughing* [Mikey] That should be the name of a metal band. 'Hot [both] -dogs are particularly menacing' *scared squabbling noises?*
AHH, AHH. NO! [Mikey] Competitive eating, that makes sense Oh God "2006 newsletter for gastroenterologists sa-" First of all, Wow, that's got to be a dull newsletter. "-said there have been two deaths during competitive eating contests at the time - both from choking. But it didn't cite its source." Good on you- callin' it out. Everyone that doesn't cite their sources should be called out. [Mikey] Yeah, says me [Mikey] I'm the source!
[Dave] You were being my hypeman just then YEAH. WHAT HE SAID Let's have a look at ooone more. Chance of being killed by a what? [Mikey] A woman. (laughs) By a woman, interesting! "Congratulations, if you are reading this then you are not one of the 437,000 people whose lives ended as statistics In a grisly report on murder. The average person had roughly a 1 in 16,000 chance of being bumped off that year." [Mikey] "Bumped off", that's a new one
[Dave] "Bumped off", there's another one Huh [Mikey] What? It says, "First, don't live in the Americas or Africa, where murder rates are more than four times as high as the rest of the world, Next, be a woman. Your chance of being murdered will be barely a quarter what it would be if you were a man." *tugs at hair* I'm trying as hard as I can. "If you are killed, chances are no one will be convicted Worldwide, only 43 percent of murders result in someone being put behind bars." [Mikey] That's worldwide though Yeah, yeah. "Europe's police solve 8 out of 10 murders," [Mikey] There you go. "Asia clearing up nearly half-"
[Dave] "Three-quarters of killers In the Americas Escaped justice" [Mikey] THREE-QUARTERS? [Dave] Apparently..
[Mikey] Three-quarters? [Mikey] So I could kill you right now, and I have a 75 percent chance of getting away with it. *thriller build up music*
Yeah, you have a better chance of getting... away with it than- *Dun dun dun!* *pets hair* [Mikey] Oh! I'll strangle you with your own hair. No one will ever know, they'll think it was a sad accident Or like a j- a video that went wrong Or went right [Mikey] Yeah, If I was going to commit suicide that would be a good way to do it [Mikey] (concerned) How? Like strangle ( [Mikey] Be a video?) myself with my own hair? It'll be such an on-brand suicide. [Mikey] I guess mine would be like slitting my own throat on camera and being like "Instant gore!" [Dave] (muffled) I love that we're having this conversation
[Mikey] Ah yes, slit throat effects Maybe that should be the video. [Mikey] On-brand!
[Dave] Hah- On brand Youtuber deaths [Mikey] How would they do it? How Roomie do it? [Dave] I'm trying to think of some singing thing...
[Mikey] I feel like he'd have to kill- I feel like he'd have to try to kill himself 37 times [Mikey] "One man, 37 attempts" *questionable laughter*
That's great- [Mikey] This is 100% serious. Take it completely seriously - BE offended. (Serious voice) To clarify, suicide is BAD, all right?
[Mikey] Very bad. Okay, we've covered our asses. We gotta be really careful with these jokes [Mikey] Yeea Probably should have thought about that the start [Mikey] We joke the way most friends joke probably [Mikey] In the privacy of their own (home) but-
Yeah, yeah, (raps) we just got the ball to say it in front of y'all (raps) Then I just got it before the sugar coated dough *snaps* [Both rap] I'm just getting a mic and spit it and whether you like to admit- *alright, back to..*
-This "woman versus men" murder thing "Although women comprise more than half the U.S. population, They committed only 14.7% of the homicides.
In 80% of cases, women killed their spouse." [Mikey] Wow. Wow! "Murder/homicide," and then if we assume it's like 15% roughly... from that previous thing. That would be... (quieter) That would be... *muttering + technological blooping* Three per year. Would be women
[Mikey] Are by women? [Mikey] And two of those three are on the spouse So don't get married and you- you're way less likely to ever- In fact just, just avoid people...
In fact, *pushes glasses* just, jus- [Mikey] Just kill yourself
[Dave] You can never be killed if you kill yourself That's the lesson [Mikey] That is the lesson (rip) *Laughter* That's the- Let's do another ending just in case [Mikey] Oh definitely I'm so sick of like conventional YouTube outros. Can we come up with like a funny one [Mikey] Yup, so (claps) make sure to like and subscribe
*look of betrayal*
