All right, we're checking
out the only game where you can skate so fast that you literally
get removed from existence. It's Skate 3. Yes, so, uh,
Jimmy Mumps is back fresh from the dollar store with a brand new skateboard,
and so you may say to yourself, "Gray, looks like you're going pretty
fast down that hill right there." Let me tell you something,
this speed, rookie numbers. Oh, concrete. [groans] I'm pretty sure part
of my pelvis is now stuck there. And I have found a way to get infinite speed, and so I shall terrorize
the people of this neighborhood and leave my DNA all over the place. Yiddily dee,
it's time to lose my teeth and the bail. [laughs] Okay, let's get infinite speed. 41 miles an hour is not good enough. I have found the land
that I shall make my home. This roadway is perfect for practicing trying to break the sound barrier on a skateboard. Look at everyone passing me. They're like, "Gray, you're so slow."
Oh, really? Okay, so what you got to do is find
a way to jump on the skateboard at just the right time,
and if you do it correctly, you'll know [laughs] and that's just minor. Oh, I think I just lost
both of my Achilles tendons and the full flip onto the forehead. What do we get there? 88 miles an hour, it's not bad. I'm not happy until I get
into the triple digits, though. I've only been skating for a few minutes and it already looks
like I've been bathing in concrete. Hey, first try. I really want to--- [groans] I need to jump a little bit earlier, but I could do the full fish
flop onto the skull, backflip, secondary backflip, and there's my best calamari impression. We got 94 miles an hour. Still not into triple digits. The other thing is, I can do this, like, anywhere I want in this entire board, and so I'm going to make this happen
in the most ridiculous of places. I want to catch up to that kid down there. There we go. All right, imagine-imagine you're skating-- Oh my God. [laughs] Oh, no, 109 miles an hour. I was going to say, imagine
you're skating and all of a sudden, this 52-year-old balding science teacher passes you going like 108 miles an hour. I'm just trying to figure
out where I want to die. That's that's what I'm spending my t-- All right,
I guess here is good a place as any. I need to do this off the-- Oh, Jesus. My incredible speed was
broken by that cliffside. I mean, my back was technically broken too. It almost happened again. Anyway, what I was gonna say
is I need to find like an epic jump so I can launch myself
into space through speed alone. The things I'm going to do to this skateboard have got to be felonies. I can hear the skateboard crying
every time I try and replicate this. It's like, "Please don't work." No, yeah, thank you. [laughs] Out of the way, plebs. Yay. Ah, yes. Any time you seen the full skull being broken, you know it's a good day. Okay, I found the perfect place. Right here. If I can get this to work
up this gigantic wall, I should be able to pretty much reach the sun. [laughs] I lost-I lost oxygen up there, I had to bail. All right, time to take the, uh,
skate-worthy Uber over here. I like-- The taxi guy is probably like,
"Where to, buddy?" Well, I'm probably going to die, so wherever gets me there the fastest,
good sir. And then he'd be like, "Do you want to die fast
or do you want to die slow?" And I'd be like,
"I don't just want to die fast, I want to die at lightspeed." Then he'll be like,
"I have no idea what the hell that means. I'm just gonna drop
you off over at the library." I'd be like, "Why?"
He'd be like, "Because at the library, you can die at the speed of imagination." Welcome to the library
where people go to learn and die. All right, that was not so good. It's always great
when I have an intent to make a joke, and then have something work in a game and it just won't work with me. I think the best thing I could
hope for is doing this right when some patron walks by, and then I come
vlog at them at lightspeed. I lost both of my ankles and my lower back, although my guy looks like someone [laughs] who would probably have lower back problems. I love how no one cares this is happening. Dude, at least pick up your garbage. Do you see the guy in the blue hat? He threw the thing into the trashcan
and he totally missed. [laughs] Yeah. [laughs] Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Just over here at the shark shack,
where more than likely the skate park is going to take a bite out of my rectum. Ah, tobogganing. See, I have real skill. All right, or I could lose all
my momentum in one second. I think what's really impressive is the amount of height that you can get not glitching, and then compare that to the amount
of height that you get by glitching. I felt like I was going to die
that entire time just then. All right, so here's the plan. This place looks really strong
for making this lightspeed glitch work. All right, it's time to shoot the gap. [laughs] [screams] My chins. I felt like my original
plan was to shoot the gap and all that happened was the gap shot me. Get ready, youngster, because yiddily dee, 52-year-old youth pastors
are bringing the skating heat. Come on, baby,
I wanna-I wanna go down this mega ramp. [laughs] Okay, I think I got the entire skeleton
that time, 108.9 miles an hour. All right, and ye-- [groans] Oh, God. Someone's gonna see some bloodstain
on that railing and be like, "What happened here? I thought these railings
were supposed to protect people." The only thing that the railings
are doing is protecting people from me. I feel like if I-- I was gonna say, I feel
like if I can bail it just the right time, I can caterwaul, like, feet over my head
a thousand times on that railing. All right, give me the bail. Ah, it happened so fast. I'm not gonna lie, I feel like this is faster
than a hundred miles an hour. I'm waiting to go so fast
that the top of my body and the bottom of my body
just end up separating. You wanna see something cool. Ooh. It's my Xmen power. [laughs] I love how when you get to be my age,
you develop telekinesis. Remember, everyone, eat plenty of iron. Like your-like your dad. There's actually a really good backstory. This is how I lost all of my hair. It's mostly because-- Oh, wow. I thought I could land that. I was haplessly mistaken. I was gonna say what happened was
my guy has broken the sound barrier so many times that his body
has evolved in order to become more and more aerodynamic. He's lost most of his hair
and most of his teeth. These kids don't even
know when I was your age, I was traveling to the moon like so. That was amazing. I don't think I broke one single bone. Okay, I need to do this into traffic. I wanna hit one of the car
or I'll just taste this shrubbery. [laughs] Your shrubbery tastes delicious. 111 miles an hour. I don't even know why I'm using
this car to get around because I can go faster than the car now. It almost seems like he's speeding up when he found out that I'm back there. He's like, "Oh, no, no, it's great." I love art. See, I have come to a place
with a touch of dignified artistry and it is here that I will probably
lose most of my spinal column. Look at me, I'm a skater. Actually, all I really do is try
and die in the worst ways possible. All right, here's the plan. This whole area not only has good jumps but it's also like entirely downhill. We're going for the full send,
okay, into the torpedo of death. That's my plan. All right, you ready for this? Hold on, and jump, grab,
pop, back on the board. [laughs] I feel like I would've lost
both of my ankles, but it was worth it. All right, now here's your plan,
I gotta make this work and squeeze through that tiny hole
underneath the bridge right there. Woo, yay. Oh, God. Oh, I didn't really use my right
arm that much, I'm a lefty. I love the taste of blood
in the morning and we have lift off. The fricking railing got in my way. Hey, railing, uh, suck it. The railing's probably like,
"I feel like I won that exchange." Okay, so I need to face more
to the-this way so I don't end up losing most of my skeletal
structure on the railing. Hey, and there it is, the full human torpedo. What's amazing,
that was only 72 miles an hour. Okay, I 100% feel like we can get
tons better air than that, though. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's hot. Here we go. Okay, a full flip and right there. I needed help being able to get
my forehead up my own anus. This right here looks incredibly dangerous. I like it. I feel like if I can launch right here,
and by launch right here, I mean, completely miss my own board,
and then break my neck. What I was going to say
is if I can launch right here, I feel like I can end up on top
of one of the buildings or in this wall. Everything here is completely under control. Okay, things are less under control now. Okay, ready? Going for the windows. There it is. It's a bull's eye. I was just checking the masonry. You have a crack in your wall. It could be because of me. [laughs] Okay, if I start down here,
I can probably get better air. I still want to get up a little bit higher. There it is, going to land it. I mean. [chuckles] That was awesome. Thank you, I'm glad you think so. I love how this kid just
watched a man die in front of him and he was like, "Oh, that was awesome." All right, my plan is to break
my fall with my pelvis, there it is. Okay, this is perfect. This is Florida's hell over here. I feel like I'm right back at home. So you can see that other individuals are already skating inside of the pool. Okay, here you go,
doing little FS grabs and whatnot. Little does anyone know
that the true value of these pools besides leaving my bicuspid
on the concrete is using them to launch into space and take out a satellite
with the power of skating. Okay, so-- [chuckles] I actually kind of li-- There's actually a few pools here. What I kind of wanna do is launch into space and land in another guy's pool. All right, kids,
let Jimmy Mumps show you how it's done. There we go. I think I can land this. And by land it,
I mean break every bone in my body. Okay, and up, there we go. Okay, into the next pool, great. I didn't want to actually come in on my-- [laughs] I did, I almost took him out. I didn't want to come in on the skateboard, I just want to faceplant in front of him and see what he had to say about it. These kids must have tough lives
because they constantly see an old man dying in front of them
and it's just like a normal Tuesday. All alright, the other thing I need to do is see if I can get a jump
that goes so far that I end up in, like, a different zip code that's the plan. And got it. Oh, I don't got it. I'm going to end up eating my own skateboard. Did that hurt? Did that kid just ask me if that hurt. You realize half of my skateboard is still inside of my digestive tract, right? Yeah, it hurt. I want the jump of a lifetime. I want to break records and okay. Every once in a while, there it is. [laughs] I almost got into the trash can. What'd you call me? Hey, idiot. Yeah. Keep that up I'll stuff
you into the recycling bin. Did he say he was gonna
stuff me in a recycling bin? I stuff myself in recycling bins. Hey, don't take it out of the recycling bin. [laughs] Anyway, folks,
hope you enjoyed this episode of Skate 3. Until next time, stay foxy. [groans] Adventure. [groans]
