What's Your Funniest "I Get Paid For This?!" Moment? r/AskReddit Reddit Stories | Top Posts

what was your funniest i get paid for this moment [Music] my first job was at a struggling ice cream shop in an effort to recoup some losses of having to pay rent all winter my boss decided to keep the place open way late into the fall even when the customers stopped coming i was getting paid to sit on reddit and eat ice cream i work in a game store in this one time an old lady 70 plus came in looking very lost so i asked her if she needed help with anything she said she had recently started playing skyrim and didn't know how to get past a certain point ended up spending about an hour talking to her about her favorite games apparently she loves the mindless killing in gtav 10 stroke 10 would recommend i drove 4 hours round trip to point to something on a wiring diagram and leave edit i charge 1 600 last day before break a student walks into my third period class attendance is light and it looks for a moment like he might be the only student today if no one shows up can i just meditate in a horse mask sure horn i replied turned around and there he is on top a desk meditating in a horse mask i was asked to babysit a diabetic kid cause i'm also diabetic the kid was super on top of is it their house had an indoor movie theater and we basically just played overwatch in a movie theater for four hours before i got paid 100 edit spelling i was typing from my phone at 5 am the company i work for has a minimum 2 hours ot policy if i get called out after hours to fix something i'm a cable guy i get paid for two hours of work even if it only takes 30 minutes once an elderly called in and said her phone wasn't working with a life alert machine i got called out turns out her batteries and tv remote were dead and she light just to get me to put new batteries in remote 10 minutes to drive two minutes of work 75 dollars of otp person i have a problem me google's problem and read solution person it worked how did you know that used to work as a waitress and my boss would get it if i stood still would sometimes go hours just walking laps around the tables and calculating the average number of sugars on each one [Music] playing music for a deaf wedding was tempted to not even plug in my keyboard and just mind play it's not funny but nice as a truck driver in rural norway i get paid to drive around in the beautiful areas that are visited by several hundred thousand tourists each summer while they spend money to get here and drive around i get paid for doing it it's best exemplified when i'm waiting at the docks for the ferry in a fjord while all the tourists are in ore and taking pictures and stuff i'm half asleep while browsing reddit here is an album i've made that posted earlier on reddit should anyone be interested but if i were to pick a somewhat funny assignment it was driving out to a customer and picking up a pallet and drive it to the back side of their building due to snow they were unable to drive their forklift up a small slope oh and the time i was sent out to pick up a pallet and when i arrived it was a pallet with a dead sheep not wrapped or anything just laying on it that was heading to a veterinarian school i have been paid to go to the movies to a theme park the fair and a metal core show by the transitive property i have been paid to mosh it was a 65th wedding anniversary i was asked to stay after church one sunday morning to play 10 minutes of organ music as a couple in their late 80s renewed their wedding vows i offered to do it for free as they were so cute together after the brief ceremony was over the groom handed me a thank you envelope containing 500 in cash i felt as though i should have paid them for the privilege of witnessing something so special when i assisted by two 17 year olds tried to explain to an 80 year old former ceo of a big publishing company what snapchat is and how it works it was hilarious especially because he was genuinely interested i write erotica and romance for a living my wife brother and sil were talking about their problems in a workday and i started talking about how i had to look up bridal porn that day to figure out the mechanics of ducking in a wedding dress just another day at the office that time our workplace told us that we needed to empty our own trash cans from now on because instead of employing a janitor about 10 hr to go around emptying trash cans we're going to employ a bunch of programmer analysts software engineers and middle managers to empty out their own for 25.40 hr a clown bit me fan photographer at the circus seeing people on bad drug trips breaking up fights seeing a guy at his pants on a first date then you security guard standing near a wall while 5-7 male strippers are go go dancing and glitter confetti falls from the ceiling then you security guard on gay night singing songs with strangers for 12 hours while wearing ugly clothes extra in a music video hearing kanye tell a bad joke in an elevator everyone else there laughing politely current job for company with regular celebrity traffic walking by a naked woman laying on the floor with snakes crawling over her job at photo studio edit read it i am truly sorry but i don't remember the joke it was more specifically him saying something to be funny that was in poor taste not anything along the lines of a man walks into a bar i was building a popcorn rocket for alton brown so i needed to check the flight pattern of popcorn as the rocket would pop the popcorn then fire it i sat around in my shop firing packing peanuts with an air cannon i was a nurse's aide in college and had a very wealthy patient complaining of chest pain really nice guy but the kids were [ __ ] i went back and forth with the son who flew in last second on the family plane about why me doing an ekg was more important than having dad try on different dress shirts he even took the leads off at one point and i told him to leave working as a production lighting tech kneeling down metering the amperage of a power destro at an outdoor katy perry concert in a huge grassy field she runs off stage for a costume change looks around sees me shrugs and pees on the 480 volt feeder line i watch four year olds fall into the snow this was back in 2008 my uncle's call of duty world at war wasn't working so i reinstalled it and it worked he gave 50 dollars to me and my friend who did absolutely nothing he was just sitting next to me then my uncle proceeded to call me a i.t genius now in 2016 i quit computer science after two semesters damn you uncle and your fifty dollars false hopes oh god i'm a webcam girl i've gotten paid to watch a guy duck his vacuum cleaner i work at a tutoring center where we mostly focus on math one week before a break my senior nhs didn't have any math to do since she's a cosmetology student i let her give me a manicure personally my favorite tutoring session to date i make training materials for my company one of our tasks involves helping clients with their social media campaigns we have a team that will do posts update information and aggregate content for these clients making image macros memes is part of that service i was in a meeting with the manager over that team and we were discussing how they use them what they use and their strategy for virality when it comes to memes we discussed them for at least 15 minutes in a purely commercial educational way and i understood everything they were saying as i took notes and discussed this product i'm now a professional meme expert and i work with professional meme makers during my internship i explained to my supervisor how gambling and dota 2 works and we end up spending half the day watching clips of competitive matches i'm a consultant for a business services firm i'm mid-level so my time is billed out to clients at two hundred dollars hour i was on secondment to a multi-billion dollar market cap company who were in the middle of a business operations crisis so it was all hands on deck working evenings and weekends i was brought in for my expertise in a specific area of operations that they needed extra help with my first day lunch was being brought in and apparently they were rotating whose day it was to coordinate guess whose turn the team decided it was today i was kind of annoyed but hey part of my mandate was to be a team player and integrate myself so i'm like whatever i'll take the lunch order my first stop was the senior vice president's office i told her today was my day to take the lunch order and what would she like i knew exactly what her reaction would be we're not paying you 200 hours to take the ducking lunch order she grabs the notepad out of my hand and clearly angry and embarrassed apologizes to me and has one of the lower level department coordinators take over i was close to getting paid 200 hours to take a lunch order security guard work night shift 8 p.m to 8 a.m car thief was breaking into cars so they hire me to look after the car park everyone but one person drove their car home so i guarded an empty car park best 12 hours of paid movie watching and napping i ever got didn't get paid but i had to do community service when i was in college for an underage drinking charge they sentenced me to drive around campus in a golf cart and empty out cigarette receptacles about 20 minutes of that four hours was spent doing the assigned task the rest of the time was just cruising around campus in a golf cart like van wilder it was awesome gave a bunch of my friends rides to classes gave rides to random strangers neutral bombed a bunch of hills best community service ever not mine but we had a kid less than 10 years old boarding in our secure psych area for a few weeks he was really scared of course because we're where cops bring the people too violent for jail meth out tweakers etc whenever we have a pet pt waiting for placement we have a security guard on duty just for them 24 stroke 7 anyways after a rough night with multiple violent patients the kid was freaking out and we finally convinced dhs to take him but the placement wouldn't be open for 48 hours kid was still wetting the bed hysterics etc so we were buckling up for a rough two days the second guard change shifts and the guy coming on duty is in the best boba fett costume i have ever seen helmet voice and thingy everything tells the kid he is there to guard him from the rebel scum the kid just ate it up we the medical staff played along we have food for lord vader's honored guest etc the rest of the 48 hours the guards for his room were all in costume while i was on shift over the next few days i saw rey captain america and superman guarding the kid's room didn't have any more screaming and terror fits and i was told that captain america volunteered to ride with him in the secure transport to his placement when it arrived working at a pub in bath with a large beer garden directly next to the river next to the beer garden was a swans nest one big bull cop swan and his hiring about five females as far as i remember thing is in the uk you must be very careful dealing with swans you can't move their nest you can't frighten them away and you really can't hurt them problem is we were more of a restaurant than a pub and people like to eat outside swans get chips bread chucked to them often enough they stop being scared of humans and start seeing them as food delivery services after a while they would become bold enough to snatch food of people's plates even while they were eating so i ended up being asked to encourage the swans out of the garden bear in mind this was my first shift now i actually know something about swans if challenged you have to raise your arms and look big and if you have a bigger wingspan than the swan you win and the challenging swan will duck off problem is i'm 5'4 and this was a bigger swan so i improvised my moment came when i was stood in the beer garden on a beautiful summer day with an open pub umbrella yelling shoe and gently backing a swan through a fence headed for correct masculine nomenclature used to work on equipment that is fairly common in the dressing room in strip clubs very rarely could i get him during off hours so almost always the dressing room was occupied if i had been single it probably would have killed me testing go-karts in the parking lot as a team after restoring them at my summer job i worked as a salesman one holiday those salesmen that gives out candies the candies were famous for a long time and they came out a new product everyone was hyped all i did was stand there and bring out new sampling jars when they're close to empty twelve dollars each taking new two kilograms jar once per hour i had to go to a mental asylum as they used to be called to dig out and replace the wellhead it was a very locked down place so security had their eyes on me i was doing what was probably a two-man job on my own just luck of the draw that day i was using a mini jackhammer whipped up or a load of concrete pulled it out of the ground and watching them watching me i'm a small person probably don't look like i can do what i can do was hilarious and i do like causing destruction so that was fun too i'm an amateur actor only a hobby but once i got lucky and i landed a role for a tv pilot i got the role because i looked exactly like the guy the role was based on i was just dumb lucky all my travel expenses and lodgings paid for two weeks plus a salary to boot at one point during filming we had some tech problems late at night and had to take a break they didn't want us to go anywhere though so we had to remain on set which meant we were being paid to do nothing after a while they informed us that there would be at least an hour's wait filming was taking place in a nice mansion so several of us hopped into the hot tub we were laughing and joking around passing around jazz cigarettes and basically having a very good time when it suddenly hit me i'm getting paid to do this sadly the project fizzled out and died i did get to spend two weeks living the life of a minor celeb and it was a great deal of fun while it lasted i have the lovely privilege of introducing 14 year olds to shakespeare the only thing they know about shakespeare is that it's hard so instead of jumping in with going over the language or whatever i spend a day every year dropping some of his best six jokes on them and having shakespearean insult contests opens them up to the idea that maybe this won't be so bad and i almost always leave for the day with an aching stomach from laughing so much when i was a cart pusher bagger we were required to stay outside our whole car shift most weekdays when i primarily worked it was so slow i could just hide behind a car and read study for a test snack while waiting for more customers to come out i never understood why so many baggers eagerly jumped on promotions for 5x the work and maybe a quarter an hour raise i used to jailbreak kids iphones for 20 dollars it consisted of me going to jailbreak.com on their iphone and swiping and letting the program do the rest that was the greatest also when five separate kids approached me to do their hw from the same class i charged everyone 20 dollars and proceeded to do it once copy the responses down to all of the papers and made one hundred dollars for about 30 minutes of work the first time i took her it at work i repeated that in my head at least 10 times my friend used to pay me to heckle him at open mic nights our shtick went like this he would do a bit where the bus is standing room only and a pregnant woman gets on he attempts to get a punk college kid to give up his seats to the lady and the kid refuses he turns to the crowd and shakes his head whatever happened to common courtesy i shout back and whatever happened to keeping your legs crossed why should i have to give up my seat just because she got laid then he smacks me down with her that's more than i can say for you when the power goes out it's mandatory that we wait for two hours before being dismissed like an 145 into just hanging out at the lunchroom it powers back on groans all around basically my whole job i sit on a boat in foreign countries and get paid stupid money to say yep that data looks good boss client has just emailed me can you hop onto their website and add a full stop at the end of that sentence that made the company you acute 100 i once got a request to draw dinosaurs for team mascots of some inter firm contest in the tax department i made sure that took all day web dev built a six shop and had to resize hundreds of dildos etc pics in photoshop when i was a corrections officer we had to take tactical driving course it was a five-day course and on friday which was our last day we had to do not driving we were supposed to do all of our day stuff take an hour break and then do our night stuff well the person who made that schedule didn't take into account that during the summer time which is when we were doing this course it doesn't get dark until like 8 o'clock p.m that coupled with the fact that we got done extremely early around 1 pm meant that we didn't have anything else to do until night time we were getting paid from 8 a.m to 8 p.m and the instructor just said to just me back here at 8 00 p.m and we were free to do whatever as long as we were back by then i went home took a nap saw my girlfriend probably played some video games and then went back to do the night stuff so i got paid for seven hours just being around working for a daycare for kids between 6 and 12 during summer holidays was wearing a bikini sunbathing playing games with kids and eating ice cream ducking loved it when working as a machinist i was given the task of taking a newly fabricated part to a customer the drive was about two hours with traffic so four hours round trip and it just so happened to be the last four hours or so of my day boss said to make the delivery and go home which was closer to the delivery site than work was and he'd plugged me in for a full day turns out there was no traffic that day i made it home in just over three hours and surprised my girlfriend in the shower with some shower six for those who don't know shower six is akin to pairs figure skating except without skates and trying to have six i have her up against the wall holding her up by leg strength and a little friction and right as i'm about to finish i lost traction with my left side and dropped her right on her ass i maintained my balance and somehow kept climaxing during the distraction right onto her face which is now at boner height she's got a severely bruised butt a face full of my dna and i laughed thinking i just got paid for that due to the size of my building and the amount of people that work there whenever there is a quarterly fire drill i basically just stand outside for two hours or go to a local bar it always happens during work hours and peak work hours at that i am a social media manager i literally work and get paid in a meme economy my job success is directly tied to my ability to make dank memes not me but my cousin works for the city and was forced to water flowers in the rain because they ran out of things for him to do i once got paid two hundred dollars to among other things weight under a trap door of a raised set in a warehouse in houston while a few performers had 10 seconds to adorn themselves in all manner of heavy coats and helmets and sit around a board game after the time expires we start blasting german techno and i pop up with a bull whip on each hand and mercilessly whip them until they can each complete a turn of the game i think this time it was operation one time i had to order a puberty book because my boss said her 11 year old daughter has started masturbating this was one month into my job as an executive assistant but i work at my boss's home and she's a very open person two years into it now and i do a lot of personal errands appointments for her i love my job it's weird [Music] standing in a field watching cows chew cud waiting for the horny ones to jump each other write down their tag number on a piece of paper if they do 10 hr used to work security and was assigned to monitor security camera feeds the camera system was down for about a week and instead of having me do something else the company called in other officers to personally monitor the areas the cameras were supposed to watch i ended up spending almost 50 hours that week sitting in a room playing video games on my laptop for my entire shift pointing items out to customers when it's directly in front of them at eye level with big letters and numbers quiet day at the pub three of us on the bar friend from pizza place across the road came in with a pizza for us we went into the cellar each poured the drink from a fresh cask and chilled for 10-15 minutes no one noticed we were gone i answer surveys sometimes for a tech company who wants to know what people think of their products they can't pay money for legal reasons so they give gift cards as compensation for time it always works out to a nice amount per hour and their gift card selection gears toward thrill items i wouldn't normally buy for myself which makes it even more fun edit i don't want to say what company because i signed non-disclosure contracts but suffice it to say that when a company you know and trust has one of those messages that says we want your opinion it doesn't hurt to say sure our small agile team taking a break and starting a meme war between two university subreddits working in a grocery store in high school i was running the natural foods department and it was my last week of that before i left for college i got a pallet of frozen food that i worked to the shelf but in the middle of it i found two chunks of dry ice ordinarily the vendors remove it after they deliver it but i guess this guy didn't see them anyways i took the dry ice to the manager and asked him what to do with it and he said when we get that stuff we need to make dry ice bombs out back so we did i got paid for four glorious hours of playing with dry ice that stuff is fun i went on a cruise giving seniors medical oxygen got free food and a free cruise and oxygenated people saving lives over and over all day i work in a bar we have paid staff meetings most of our meetings involve tasting new food and alcohol basically we get paid to get drunk at least four times a year anytime i see a sunrise sunset aurora or shooting star from my corner office at 37 000 feet it i was webmaster for the small regional abc affiliate for 11 years it was late 2000 when the parent company sent out feelers to find people who know anything about html and building websites i was a newly hired broadcast engineer and i raised my hand i had worked with microsoft front page and dreamweaver way back then and build a few simple sites i was the first interactive media field tech the company's new division hired i spent the next 11 years building and maintaining websites for my and a few other stations by the time the bean counters figured out they could hire two or three new reporters for what they were paying me to surf the net all day i was 64 years old and happy to receive a severance package and retire i added code of hacked clients to change color text and sell them to 12 year old zoom in a craft i hate hackers though so i sometimes have a friend help me tamper with the hacks and make them less powerful useful [Music] you

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Id: mVPAy3-cbtM

Length: 26min 12sec (1572 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 19 2021