What's A Story You Always Wanted To Tell But Never Could? r/AskReddit Reddit Stories | Top Posts

what's a story you always wanted to tell on this sub but nobody ever asked the right question i always knew my great grandfather as the guy who lost his eye at an accident with a firecracker this christmas i found out that it saved his life twice once because he had tickets for the titanic which he then missed because of the accident in the second time when he was supposed to fight in world war one he went to the office where he was supposed to sign up for it told them that he was disabled which they did not believe so he took his glass eye out of the socket and placed it in front of the officers so yeah losing an eye isn't the worst that could happen my wife teaches kindergarten more or less my son attends kindergarten at the same school i brought them a tire the size of a monster truck tire to play on in their yard don't ask why weird idea but they loved it so we cleaned it up scrubbed it and i drilled holes in it so the water would drain when it rained few days ago it's just me and my son i ask how his day was and he says blah blah fun blah blah ate lunch blah blah fun blah blah zavir got his finger stuck in the tire blah blah fun comma so i asked him to back up and he just repeats that his friend zavir got his finger stuck in the tire in one of the holes we drilled for draining the water i told him that sounded sad and he said yes it was and it rained so i thought poor kid so i said whoa poor kid did you get him a raincoat and he said no daddy we didn't want to get near him cause he pooped himself so i'm thinking really poor kid so i said bro really poor kid did the teachers help him and he said something like he was out there a long time then it devolved and i really couldn't get any more information out of him so i felt guilty about this kid cause i did drill the holes in the tire but eventually it slips my mind wife gets home we have dinner etc but i forgot about it till i'm talking to her way after the kids have gone to bed then suddenly it pops into my head so i say to her so our son told me one of the kids got his finger stuck in the tire toda and she just bursts out laughing i sat there dumbfounded then she explained to me xavier isn't one of the kids he's a teaching assistant who is supposed to take care of the delayed kid in the class except his kid didn't show up so he just played with the other students all day apparently this 25 year old guy was sitting on the tire and thought it was a smart idea to try to jam his finger into one of the hulls which makes it crazy thinking a little kid could get their finger in almost made sense but for an adult finger it's almost a miracle he could get it in without breaking a bone anyways apparently he got his finger in there and couldn't pull it out and they couldn't pick up or move the tire and the guy was stuck out there for hours and yes it did rain and yes he really did it himself my wife said all the kids kept watching him out the window as it rained eventually they called emergency and she said she was gone at lunch when they arrived but xavier was gone when she got back and the guy didn't come back to school that week we still don't know how they got his finger out i noticed that whenever i'd order jimmy john's for delivery the drivers were either really uptight when i'd answer the door or seemed very uninterested and wouldn't look at me this was surprising because i tried to be really nice to service industry people i was doing a group order and wanted to make a note in the comments section to bring extra napkins when i finally pieced it all together my account had an old comment still in the special instructions tab saying do not make eye contact at the door i must have made it with my friends when we were drunk as a joke and forgotten that means the past dozen orders or so will have that attached to the order ticket without me knowing i was once hanging out outside a bar in a bad part of town my friend and i were just waiting for an uber when a group of sketchy duckers came up and started talking to us aggressively we were 90 sure we were going to get robbed i was just kinda over it i had a bad day already i just started making a string of d jokes in conversation until the guys said this guy's weird and left us alone my buddy and i went to the gym one night it was a 24-hour gym and we're introverts so we liked going late at night when it wasn't busy nobody else was there that night it was around 1am on a weekday i finished my workout first and hit the showers i'm washing up in my little shower stall and minding my own business then all of a sudden i feel cold water running down my back and my ass that sumitch buddy of mine filled up a bucket of freezing cold water snuck up behind the stall with his eyes closed obviously does not want to accidentally see my dior ass put it over the stall door and poured it i screamed in terror because it was so ducking cold and he was laughing his ass off i decided to get him back i was gonna flash my d at him i finish my shower and i overhear footsteps coming to the change room the change area and shower area were separated by a thin wall i decided this was the moment i run to the change area in my towel whip it out and yell wanna see my d it wasn't my buddy it was some random guy who showed up for a late night workout i was mortified i showed this dude my d my buddy was outside the locker room dying we never saw that guy at that gym again for good reason tldr my buddy poured cold water down my naked ass i decide to flash in my dongas payback flashed someone else by accident my family was once rescued from a hurricane by a colombian drug lord we lived aboard a boat and our engine went out while wilma was forming around us we ended up having to do an emergency attack into a hurricane hole that was in his territory he helped us fix our engine gave us advice on our next trek so we could avoid waters that were pirate infested and invited us to his house for dinner i wish i knew his name because my family would have been in serious danger were it not for his kindness drank two and a half glasses of uzo and some beer then got thirsty and drank a lot and i mean a lot of water next morning collapsed in the bathroom and ended up in a coma for one five days turned out i got water poisoning could have died because of the booze and later because of the water but survived both moral of the story with heavy booze use small glasses posted this before about how i accidentally pissed off the crows oh god it's a long story it started when these four boys around 10 or 11 would walk past my house every week to go swimming and every week four weeks in a row outside my house the same kid got shot on by a massive crow obviously we found this really funny and didn't make the connection at the time he must have done something to piss the crow off i was putting bird food out in my garden but i was getting loads of feral pigeons so i was trying to shoo them away which this crazy crow must have taken offense to soon after i noticed that i was getting caught at by crows all the time no matter where i went there was angry crows crying at me that's when i googled crows and saw that they can hold grudges recognize people tell other crows about oscar but people so i tried to make a peace offering by throwing food on my shed roof my kitchen window with the sink in front of it overlooks the shed roof after throwing food out i stood by the window doing the dishes this must have also pissed this crow off later that day crows started absolutely screeching and coin i went through to the kitchen to see what was going on when a huge bird had landed on my window in 20 years there has been no burden on that window because there is a big ledge above it so this crow must have hung its butt over the ledge just to do that i went to bed that night only to be woken up at 5am by screaming right outside my bedroom window i live on the first floor so it couldn't have been a human i googled crow screaming and sure enough that was the noise i heard it had chosen the only window with a light on to do that later on that day there was a big crew sitting on a tree near that window if anyone else went to the window it just stayed still but if it saw me it started bouncing on the branch like it thought it was funny obviously after the eating and screaming i wasn't going to give it any food that day i did give it food the next day and it must have taken the hint because it never shattered my windows or woke me up by screaming again however for about a year and a half every crow for a mile radius round my house would angrily cause me don't piss off the crows i was hanging out at the river with my friends drinking a capri sun when i was eight and a grown man we didn't know pointed at me and yelled a ye that kid drinking capri sun my friends started laughing and one of his friends yelled is it good to this day i can't drink capri sun around those friends without someone saying hey that kid drink in capri sun tldr not a story but one time i went to sleep drunk just after chugging three beers woke up with a boner while peeing straight up in the air yeah it rained down straight on my face i once got locked in the laundry room at my apartment complex and had to call the cops to get me out i had a dream where terrorists were in the mall i walked into a fast food chain and got shot the dream didn't just end there it ended with a wasted screen just like gta the most unexpected people i ever met under the least exciting circumstances i was a janitor at a truck stop big rig mechanic place they worked on semi-trucks rvs tour buses whatever sometimes a mechanic was working late and there'd be some joe blow trucker or midwestern family waiting to get their vehicle back so one night i'm be bopping around gathering trash or whatever and turn the corner to see six japanese men all wearing black leather studs eyeliner spiky hair and all the emma west guys i've ever seen of course i'm like what the duck but we got to talking and i find out they're a japanese heavy metal band called diren gray never heard of them they were on tour and heading to seattle when they had some issues with their bus while passing through my state idle ho they were nice as hell and encouraged me to look them up and i wish them a good tour and went about my work one of my favorite memories totally bananas sweet boys i worked at a hospital as a doctor's assistant in the orthopedics department this one time there was a patient who stole a bunch of sheep and when he was cornered by the police he grabbed one and jumped off of a bridge when asked why he said i thought sheep are soft like clouds so nothing will happen to me needless to say he broke every single bone in his body the second one i can't explain to this day i was 17 at the time i was lying in bed playing games on my phone with my door slightly open from my bed you can clearly see the corridor no matter what even if the door is almost closed my parents weren't home probably buying groceries or something like that after playing for a bit i got this weird feeling a feeling that unfortunately i'm very familiar with you know when you're alone but you can feel something staring at you that restless feeling in your neck back and arms you feel like something is waiting to meet your eyes that feeling at this point since i'm used to it i usually joke around and say things like welcome or hey what's up buddy but i didn't this time i was almost paralyzed so i just kept ignoring it i got so anxious that i glanced at my door and that was one of the worst mistakes of my life i saw a huge old man with no feet bluish long coat white hair and beard walking from one side to the other he was amazingly fast again i was alone 17 and i've never seen someone like this in my whole life i ran to the door and closed it as fast as i could sobbing in terror i didn't hear any noises and i didn't see his face i just know that i called my parents and they came back to find me crying no evidence of someone breaking in nothing missing front door of my apartment completely locked i destroy everything i touch eventually it's like a mutant power the kind i don't want so the story actually begins way back when my mother was pregnant with me our kitchen was tiny you could literally plant one hand on a wall lean over and plant the other on the opposite wall kind of deal well one day while she's heavily pregnant with me she's scrubbing something or the other at ground level and reaches up onto the sink to climb up when she says she got the daddy of static shocks hurt she didn't think nothing of it at the time but soon after i was born she started to consider it the catalyst for my weird superpower you see as i grew up things happened sharp tills which had been working fine all the way up until we got there would suddenly malfunction light bulbs would occasionally break whenever i tried to turn lights on it's entirely unpredictable as to when my mutant power will kick in i've gone through 12 laptops in my lifetime and i'm in my 30s in my adult life since leaving home i have broken six other elements eight kettles two tvs and just last week as i made christmas dinner i tried to open the oven to check on the turkey and somehow a handle that had been quite solid up until that very moment came off in my hand tl dr my mutant power is bad luck j-u-u-j-u i once got on the local news for selling pulled pork but they switched my name with someone else's i got my finger stuck in a door and i had to tear off my entire fingernail my dad brother and myself took our catamaran small two-hole sailboat kind of thing out at one of the florida keys we needed to cross under the seven mile bridge to get to the beach where the rest of the family was at we had the clearance according to my dad but apparently the tide was in our mass barely clipped the side of the bridge and started to capsize but it kind of settled and just sat there we decided the best thing to do was to just flip it the rest of the way and go with the current we all had great life jackets and were solid swimmers so we weren't worried drowning while we were trying to flip the catamaran back over it can be done a coast guard cutter pulled up and got my brother and i on board they tied the rope from the mast to the back of the boat and got it up eventually with the help of my dad they wrote my dad a ticket and we continued to the beach my dad made us swear not to tell my mom well that lasted about an hour because people had been fishing off of the old bridge and came to tell us at the beach that there were sharks circling us the entire time i'm really glad i didn't know that at the time this sounds like our i am very badass but my first house i lived that out of college had a bunch of guys above up we were really good friends with one night i'm home alone and there's a knock on the door i open it to a huge man in a clown mask painted black and grunting now i'm not a fighter or anything like that nonetheless i ripped off the mask and threw a punch only from me to pull my punch at the last moment it was one of the upstairs guys he went around for the rest of the night telling anyone who would listen do don't scare the chick downstairs probably the only baddest thing i've done in my life when i was young i had a job and one of the tasks was to drain car carboys of water the water collected from the ac drainage the nearest drain to dispose of it was in the men's room so once every two weeks i would drain these cowboys the bathroom was small one urinal one stole one sink i was pouring the carboy out in the sink when the big boss came in and goes right to the urinal since it was a small bathroom i thought i'd give him space and started to tip the bottle back up so i could get out of his way boss man has an accent i wasn't very familiar with he says no don't stop i thought it was kind of strange dart but maybe he has a hard time going and liked the sound of water pouring turns out he meant to say no don't stop why because the plumbing was backing up the urinal pulled old faithful and geysered a sweet combo of toilet water and urine all over him he looked like he got an answer wrong on a nickelodeon game show it was a good time i work as a housekeeper for the elderly once had a client who was 97 years old she was the youngest of 14 children had only one sister who was still alive but she lived in canada we live in the netherlands she had never been married never had kids and she was extremely lonely she lived in an apartment all the way at the end of the hall and couldn't walk to the entrance anymore so she usually just sat inside one of her hobbies had always been painting but then she got arthritis and couldn't hold the brushes so she stopped she started reading to keep the loneliness at bay but started going blind i was usually the only person to visit her i was there every week for two hours we talked a lot one time it was nearly christmas 2011. she told me 2012 was going to be her last year she was spot on and died the third of january the same day she told me that i was in her kitchen humming some kind of christmas tune now what you need to remember is that she was 97 pretty much blind couldn't really walk anymore etc suddenly she said you couldn't hold a tone to save your life i started laughing a little because she was so right and she said yes there's nothing wrong with my ears guess it's more one of those stories where you had to be there but still one of my favorite work encounters in 15 years when i was a kid we had a cabin on a boat access only lake we were the only cabin on the arm of the lake and the opposite side of the lake think long and narrow lake had a train trestle and a train that would pass by twice a day and honk at us and wave one day while we were fishing on the dock we noticed the train stop on the tracks and continue to sit there for a good hour we didn't realize why until we saw the conductor hop out and wave at us with both arms not knowing what was going on we hopped in our boat and headed across the lake once we arrived we realized what was wrong at the far end of the lake there was a cattle ranch the cows had gotten out and were now wandering the tracks and blocking the train behind them was the trestle over the water they didn't want to cross and in front of them was the train whose engine was loud and they didn't want to pass we had some colorful beach towels in the boat so my dad me and my twin sister jumped up to shore with our towels and proceeded to herd the cows pass the train engine back towards the farm apparently beach towels are more terrifying than a train engine eventually the train gets to move on and we spend the next hour or two herding cattle down the tracks to the farm we had to stop halfway and had a bit of trouble however as one of the cows had been hit by the train and had been dragged hundreds of feet down the tracks it wasn't pretty it smelled awful and my sister became a vegetarian for the next year eventually we got the calzo minus the one fatality this might sound crazy but it's totally true many weird things happen to me a lot so i'm always scared to tell most of my friends and family because they would just think i'm crazy or something so the first one might just be a type of condition that i'm not familiar with when i wake up i usually check my phone roll around for a bit and then get up but sometimes when i wake up i see hexagons like golden white hexagons that are transparent in the middle it's not only in the center of my vision but everywhere they are kind of shiny and then they fade one by one i'm 100 sure i wasn't sleeping and this already happened twice now they last for about 3-6 seconds but it is super weird i told my family about this one and i guess they didn't really believe me but when i googled it and found out that there's people like me out there i guess they did i was with a friend of mine depositing a bunch of checks one time he said careful someone is going to think you're a drug dealer with all of those checks i said i would not accept checks if i was selling drugs the teller said right it's hard enough to get drug dealers to accept u.s currency this was an ask but i couldn't find it i hated and still hate my kindergarten teacher i'm just gonna call her w for the sake of not revealing her name she was awful i had have an anxiety disorder i was nervous around new people and she would try to tell me to stop being nervous and just go talk with the other kids i was also afraid of the dark like most kids were however one time when she turned off the lights for movie time i cried because i was scared she called my mom and i cried even more she would call my mom every time my anxiety would get in the way of some group projects i also have arachnophobia and we had a lesson on bugs and she tossed a rubber spider into the group of children it landed on my head let's just say it was a lot of screaming we had a fire lesson every october she would always tell us to stop drop and roll we had to practice doing exactly that when it was my turn i stopped dropped and cried she called my mom for that too she had been teaching kindergarten since my mom and dad were teenagers i had always felt scared around her then i moved to a different town and my first grade teacher was a lot nicer so anyways thanks for listening to me rant when i was in middle school our math classroom had a window that had a perfect view of the side and part of the front of the school and one time while i was in class i saw the special needs kid hop the fence that surrounds the school and run there were so many teachers after him the police caught him and brought him back though funniest thing i've ever saw at that school one time as an innocent child i discovered i had no gag reflex how you ask well we had a freaking competition in year three in the class because we were so bored each person grabbed a pencil and slowly started putting it down their throat whoever got the most amount of pencil in their mouth won the teacher had just left the room to go make copies of something so she would be gone for ages i was the second person and immediately won when i put a 15-20 cm inside my mouth hole and didn't gag that recess break my friends and i played truth or dare and we all went around i chose dare and i was dared to eat my banana hole by a girl that was in my class and i obliged i just became that kid in third grade who had no gag reflex when i told my family of my amazing discovery they made the comment boys will love you and i didn't understand until a few years ago what they meant edit thanks for the upvotes kind strangers [Music] one time when i was 12 my mom took some of her friends my sister my brother and i to a crater type lake we rented a paddle board which my mom used first she bragged that she had gotten all the way across the lake in one go of course being 12 i wanted to beat her what i didn't know was that she'd said halfway across the lake so i took that paddle board and went at it i got so far across the lake that i couldn't see the shore of course i couldn't get lost it was just a big circle and had quite a few people who were also out on the lake ask me if i was okay capital i unaware of the oddness of a preteen by herself in the middle of a lake said yes i was perfectly okay when i was nearly across the lake a rescue boat pulled up beside me the teenage dude driving it said kid your family thinks you drowned they're freaking out they sent me out to make sure you were okay he offered me a ride back and i refused i turned my paddleboard around and went back to shore i checked my watch and realized holier ty was out there for four and a half hours my family yelled at me because my dumbass nearly gave them a heart attack by paddle boarding tl dr i paddle boarded for long enough that my family thought i was dead one time i was with my buddy at the mall christmas shopping and while we were sitting on a bench to take a break we are approached by four individuals they were telling us about their cult religion weird thing they had going on and invited us to their farm bc they wanted to teach indoctrinate us my buddy and i listened to the 20 minute long spiel and at the conclusion they asked so what do you say before i could say anything my friend just says pull my finger and extends it to him the four kind of them looked at each other confused and politely obliged as soon as they pulled my buddy at himself literally shat right then and there it was bad and we started crying and then they just left disgusted he said he had to go the whole time they were talking and just couldn't hold it anymore and since he just bought new clothes he went to the bathroom and changed i couldn't believe it but needless to say we didn't join a weird cult that day it was a rainy day in year 9 ages 13-14 and me and a few friends were stuck in a gazebo like 10 meters across at lunchtime because well rain also seeking shelter a group of year 10s and 11s also entered the gazebo occupying the east side of the structure naturally a standoff developed as there were two distinct factions vying for control of the gazebo mutually intolerant of each other everyone was standing sort of awkwardly desiring the whole space then the dispute escalated some of the year 10 started throwing water squash and other liquids at us in an attempt to evict us and being socially [ __ ] i suggested that i might throw my own liquids this caused a strange reaction and i realized that i could turn it to my advantage without thinking i slowly began to unzip my fly that raised a few laughs and the chavs called me a lad shook my hand and left almost instantly it was an oddly proud moment getting a handshake from someone i didn't know well or like for unzipping my fly in front of them still my most triumphant moment tldr made older kids leave by unzipping my fly ever since i was young i'd have vivid dreams sometimes i'd even experience lucid dreaming which i eventually learned to control sometimes i'd live for days months and as of recently years in my dreams when i was younger i didn't understand this waking up disoriented and wondering when i'd wake up from this dream i'd spend weeks questioning reality which looking back also took its toll on my social development whenever that happens now because i can dream up pretty much an entire life i spend a bit less time disoriented because i'm an adult that understands that they're only dreams but i'll occasionally become depressed if i dream up an entire fulfilling life and sometimes i dream that i've woken up only to realize the alarm isn't shutting off and i'm still asleep and you just keep waking up pretty much trapped in a dream that only lasted three minutes and not hours my dad went to a convenience store as a child and bought a bag of cheetos when he finished the bag he saw there was a scratch tag at the bottom so he scratched it and voila he'd won the second bag of the cheetahs of the day so he starts eating that one scratches the tag at the bottom and boom a third bag so my dad gets yet another bag and finishes it it happens again and again and again eventually he's too full and his cheetah streak eventually runs out but not before he ate seven to eight bags of cheetos he went home almost threw up and got rashes happy new year's eve everyone a couple years ago in university i had a girl in my sculpture class ask me what time it was i didn't have my phone on me or my glasses so i pointed her to the analog clock on the wall she looked me dead in the face and said she didn't know how to read analog clocks she could only understand digital i couldn't contain my reaction and stood there dumbfounded by that i still think about that sometimes she was at least 20 plus and never took a couple minutes to figure out how she graduated around the same time as me she has a bachelor's degree but can't read a ducking clock you

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Id: IAat7cN0x0U

Length: 29min 55sec (1795 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 21 2021