What it's like to date a "nice guy"

serious girls who have been guilted into going out with a nice guy how did it go he was genuinely nice and i thought i was being too picky and maybe i could see this through if i took the effort of getting to know him but every time i offered a contradictory point of view on any generic topic of discussion he would proceed to casually mock my appearance attire and my personality in retaliation to my disagreement that was the last date obviously we were friends in high school and most of college it was one of those things where he was a friend of a friend but we always went to the same parties hung together in the same group and so on the guys in the group would always say things like a man you and kyle would be so great together you should give him a shot i'd kind of laugh it off because for a majority of the time i had a boyfriend eventually me and the boyfriend broke up and about a week later carl asked me out i wasn't really ready but i figured it was a first date and everyone had been pressuring me into giving this guy a chance so i went the whole evening was awkward we just ordered a pizza and watched movies which was what we did in our friend group anyways but this guy would not stop staring i felt like i couldn't even eat because i was under a microscope the evening ended uneventfully but then there was the aftermath we kept texting and seeing each other in the friend group and about a week later he asked when we can have another date i told him that maybe i had rushed into things too fast and i just wasn't feeling any connection with him i broke up with my girlfriend for you yup jude found out i was single dumped his girlfriend of eight months just so he could ask me out to an awkward pizza date in his bedroom the timely cherry on top is that they got back together and apparently i'm tearing their marriage apart because she found a bunch of texts from me from six years ago and he admitted that he kept them cause he still likes me i haven't seen him in four years the date wasn't too bad although he kept changing pretty much every single sentence he said so it would fit my interest something like i like ice cream cool i like frozen yogurt oh yeah that's what i meant ice cream is nice but frozen yogurt is amazing and so on for four hours straight at the end i had no idea what he was actually like he also kissed me in the most awkward way possible i guess he thought it was going to be romantic and spontaneous but it wasn't then kissed me again when he walked me to the train station he hugged me so hard i couldn't breath and started making weird noises kind of like what some people do during heavy pre-sex make-out sessions except it was a rather quick kiss in a public place started texting me before i even got home and when i didn't answer got upset told him he was nice but i don't think we'd work out said it's cool asked if we can stay friends silly me i said yes we kept talking for about a month during which he very friendly kept checking if i had slept with someone else and making sure i know how much of a sex god he is you know i once even made my lesbian friend come super hard this is also the time i met my current bf and was meeting a bunch of new people at uni so we'd talk less and less each week then one day he asked me out i said i wasn't sure if he was completely fine with us being just friends so that wouldn't be appropriate he went on this massive rant about how he'd actually been seeing someone else in that time but they broke up shortly before that how he's so over me and didn't even think i'm that hot anymore and how nothing would happen i said no because i was broke and couldn't fully enjoy myself while worrying about not spending too much we were supposed to go to a metallica concert apparently his best friend had spent ps 120 on his ticket but then last minute found something better to do but he promised he'd take care of everything and we could chill at his place with pizza and some films as friends i said i could consider the concert but there's no way i'd stay over i mentioned texting someone else to see if they would be fine with me sleeping over at this afterwards he jokingly asked if it's someone i'm sleeping with and i said it's none of his business then he told me how much of a [ __ ] i was for sleeping with other people and not sleeping with him said it's so unfair that he knew me so much better but he felt like other people had more rights to me than him and that weakest and he didn't expect me to be this btw i did not want to kiss him it was just so random i felt him making out with me before i even realized what his intentions were and stopped it rather quickly that he called me a few more names said he's such a nice guy and didn't deserve to be treated like that and we never spoke again fun times i was a college freshman first week of school i was in my dorm hangout area going through the calendar on my phone to add excellence to my schedule i didn't realize that nice guy was looking over my shoulder as i was doing so he goes i see you don't have plans on saturday we are going to breakfast i continually objected and said i just hadn't gotten around to adding anything to it yet he wouldn't leave me alone about it all week so eventually i agreed to go on saturday i was purposely on my worst behavior in an attempt to repulse him because clearly my opinion didn't matter otherwise he ended the date by calling his mom telling her that he met his future bride that we were going to give her grandchildren he handed the phone to me so i straight up told his mother that i had no interest and was only there because he wouldn't leave me be and apparently acting like a barnyard animal wasn't enough of a turn off mom laughed and said sounds like my boy he would sit on the couch outside my dorm daughter bombard me whenever i tried to go anywhere followed me to and from classes for two months and tried to befriend my roommate to get closer to me before moving on to a new target she ended up with a restraining order against him wasn't really a date i was at a hiking trip with my sister and other people from our village when we met a group of guys drinking and having fun was on german father's day so it wasn't an unusual sight for some reason my sister got into a talk with the guys and somehow got me and her invited for the party at one of the guy's house later no big deal we brought her boyfriend with us and we're expecting some good time my boyfriend was on a biking trip with his dad so he couldn't come we arrive and nobody else is there guy says they will all arrive later and we are early 30 minutes after the time he told us to be there and we start drinking having fun and everything he clearly has a thing for me invites me to go on festivals with him sister's boyfriend tells me i would be stupid if i say no and he would totally be going the others arrive and at some point the homier winner asks me to go out for a walk he needs some air we walk a bit and suddenly he turns around telling me i'm the love of his life the girl meant for him most beautiful smart etc he has ever seen i was shocked and didn't know what to say except i have a boyfriend you know he said he doesn't care we are clearly soulmates and then just kisses me out of nowhere tells me he will break up with his girlfriend for me he never mentioned her before and i should do the same luckily my sister blacked out on the toilet and someone shouted at him for help unlocking the door so we went back up i took care of my sister his girlfriend arrived he pulled me aside and told me he would do it now right here i said no and he told me to take my sister and leave what i did then he messaged me on facebook the next day that i was a [ __ ] and i lead him on and he almost broke up with his future wife for a btch like me i was that girl who loved the bad boys my nice guy had been my best friend for a number of years and i always knew he liked me but i was busy chasing ourselves nine years we were best friends and grew up together and he watched me pick all the wrong people and get hurt other friends kept telling me to give it a chance etc two years ago he asked me to come over for dinner it seemed fairly casual until i realized he'd asked me for valentine's day i can't say i was guilted as such but it still felt a little awkward i was megan nervous thinking it was gonna be so awkward but when i turned up it was fine he'd cooked me a meal bought flowers a bottle of wine and chocolates and lit candles on the table i don't drink much so he ended up getting through the whole bottle of wine because he was so nervous but it was a lovely evening and things felt very natural so i decided to give it a go we are now headed towards a second anniversary have a lovely home together a beautiful believable egyptian mayu cat and couldn't be happier because we were friends first we know we get on we finish each other's sentences and never run out of conversation yet to have one argument that goes beyond whose turn it is to wash up lol he is genuinely the best thing to happen to me ever sometimes the nice guy does win throwaway account for this as don't want my story tracing back to me i met him through online dating and after a couple of weeks of chatting online decided to cool things off as he was giving off a creepy needy vibe that frightened me he would ask about ex-boyfriends frequently and tell me that he would be good for me ask sexual questions without any encouragement and want to know intimate details i forgot all about him until he sent me a random message months later and apologized for his previous behavior which he blamed on a tricky breakup time passed and he seemed a new person so i gave him and met with him our first couple of dates seemed fine with just a few odd comments that i should have paid attention to then he started questioning where i was and who i was with but again i just foolishly ignored this the first time and last time i stayed at his we went out for a drink beforehand and he was judging me for having a couple of drinks when we got back to his i wasn't feeling up to anything sexual so told him firmly no and went to sleep later that night i woke up to him on top of me i never confronted him about this i just pretended i hadn't woke up and made my excuses the next day before blocking him from my life i've never told anyone this before i just wish i'd listened to my previous instinct and key edwell away well i might not be a girl i was the nice guy in my first relationship i was meeting a girl which i knew from a friend's girlfriend well at first everything was nice and we weren't having anything serious just meeting like friends playing paintball and billard and so on however i really liked her and she did recently break up and i tried to cheer her always up so then i asked her politely if she would consider trying a relationship and to my surprise she said yes i was the happiest guy on earth this day so we started dating seriously going to cinema and doing stuff alone but i don't know why however i really got clingy like i wanted to see her all the time i wanted her to come over to me and it ended up creeping her which in hindsight i really understand and she got continually creeped out until she broke up and i was devastated i didn't force her to anything but i was as i said clingy after that i was depressed for over a year and then got my crap together however i'm sorry that she had to experience me like that and i also apologized for that and now we are just normal friends not as good as before but well but all in all it ended up good for me since cause of that i ended up with my current girlfriend and without seeing my failures from past i wouldn't be able to hold this relationship i was in high school and figured i should give the guy a chance maybe i was just being snobby anyway we decided to go to the movies his older sister came along to chaperone and spent the movie sitting in my lap to make sure we didn't get up to anything funny after the movie i said i had to go home later that night he calls me crying to confess he'd snapped a picture of me and whacked off to it there was not a second date incidentally this was when i began to have an inkling that i may be like girls my story definitely isn't half as bad as what others have posted but my experience did send me into a hole of recluse crappiness he liked me based on my taste of music not actually for me at the time 15 years ago hard style slash trance was still underground and not like it is now in australia i happened to be the first girl he had met who liked this music so he thought i was cool and wanted to date me he guilted me into dating him by being depressed and sulking saying i wasn't even giving us a chance that it could be something fruitful but we would never know big red flag should have been when his idiot friends were contacting me on icq for you yunjins it was how us older communicated with each other back in the 1880s via instant messaging trying to sell him to me it was all the typical crap of he's a great guy he hasn't eaten since you turned him down he doesn't even laugh anymore and all of the usual crap being naive me i thought why not he didn't seem to make a good case when he said i was denying us a chance he definitely proved his worth after a week of dating he pulled out all of the romantic stuff no guy ever had even until this day we went to different high schools he skipped his final class of school every day to pick me up from my school and drove me home one slash two-hour drive to get to my house then another one-half hour drive for him to get to his home bought me no occasion flowers whined and dined me i really felt stupid for turning him down at first a month goes by and he ends a relationship over the phone but by this time i thought he was the best thing ever despite not actually having anything in common i didn't even find him funny but just the way he treated me made me feel like this is what love is meant to be he just said he wasn't feeling it anymore i found out the day after from a friend that there was a new girl at their school and he thought she was hot stuff so his thought process was to drop me will her and then live a happy life together turns out new girl didn't like him and he and his entourage tried the same guilt trip with her she was a lot smarter than me to continually turn him down at the time i felt like i had a huge hole in my heart i had never been so spoiled with love in my life i didn't know how to handle the pain so i wrote poems and listened to sad music i remember putting vertical horizon everything you want on repeat i felt stupid to tell my friends about the situation and fear of them saying wasn't that the creep who tried to win you over and you weren't interested in him anyway after a few months of the idiot failing to win the new girl over guess who came crawling back i never told him that i knew about his crush on the new girl and his failed attempts of winning her over he said crap like i realized how much i missed love you in the last few months i didn't know what i was thinking when i broke up with you it was at that moment i realized that it wasn't losing him that i was upset over it was the feeling of being love and being spoiled that i missed i just said well the last few months have made me lose feelings for you like you said you had for me it still sucked and took me a long time to get over the short-lived month of feeling loved took me even longer to get over the fact that i was hurt over a bloody con man who didn't even like me for me edit holy moly thank you for all of the messages i didn't think anyone would read my response being a massive long roll of text this was 15 years ago and this story no longer affects me but i still remember the emotional rollercoaster ride like it was yesterday it wasn't my first love but it was the first time i felt so extremely hurt and felt grown up even for a teenager i have dated since and i'm currently in a healthy long-term relationship we all live and learn there is a sequel to this event story number two after this breakup i confided in a nice guy friend fred not even going to hide his name because this guy is a stage 1000 weirdo i told fred how ripped off i felt and how i could not absolutely believe that i could not get over a relationship lasting only a month when i handled the breakup of my three-year relationship a lot better he listened to all of my sorrows and said that i will get back on my feet someday i didn't know he meant that he was the one to prop me back on my feet i told him of the dirty tactics ex-boyfriend used to get me and how uneasy it had made me knowing he was a wreck because of me denying our potential relationship so fred thought it would be genius to ask me out the exact same way ex-boyfriend did gee who would have thought that would work again fool me once am i right at first when i said no he said he was only joking he just wanted to see how i would react to his demands of dating me um yeah okay i'll just let that slide he got creepier by saying things like stripper pimpins how do you know when you love someone i can't remember how i dealt with that situation but i remember feeling very awkward anyway he would say these things and let me stew in it on the vry i i last day of school he wanted to hang out with me which sounded like fun little did i know he had plans to confess his undying love for me he lent him for a kiss which i blocked with my hand asking wtf he was doing he sat there tearfully weeping wanting to know why i would submit to one guy's demands of dating him but not his i had enough of his crap by this time told him not to talk to me anymore he did the exact opposite of that would call my home phone a lot send me a lot of emails yahoo days and rocked up to my house once or twice unannounced my mum played the role quite well of strip clipping prince is in trouble and can't talk to boys so he enlisted his female cousin to contact me instead i remember her telling me fred is really upset you won't give him a chance and said if you don't talk to him in the next 10 minutes he will drive off a glyph okay whatever jude i've got other things to do long story short he did not drive off a cliff and after he was done stalking my friends and i he eventually gave up and haven't heard from him since [Music] not outright guilted but more found myself in the situation and couldn't back out bit weird at first given the circumstances of me distinctly not wanting to be there but things gradually got more weirder as the night went on he made really intense eye contact and told me about how he doesn't smoke or drink just goes to club sober also told me about how he plans to stay in the country he was a foreign student but needs to settle down with someone here first then he told me he was really passionate my dumbass asked passionate about what and he just stared at me and repeated he was really passionate it was crap and i'm more vocal about whether or not i want to be somewhere slash do something now guilted into having a one-year relationship with one he was super nice at first and i was young and naive he flirted seemed nice and honest so i thought what the hell why not give it a go big mistake realized quite quickly that he just wasn't for me we had very different political views very different opinions on things he was very degrading of me made fun of my weight made me think i was fat i was not at all always had a healthy bmi always have been sporty but obviously being my young teenage invulnerable self that really crushed my self-esteem so when i finally decided i had the balls to say i don't wanna be with you anymore he guilted me into staying with him saying you'll never find a guy who'll love you like i love you or if you leave me i'll kill myself and all the rest of the typical reasons a nice guy will use to guilt you into staying in the end i ghosted him we were supposed to meet up but i never showed up i changed my number deleted social media for a couple of years moved out never heard from him again which i'm very pleased to say after a few years of tepid friendship something was always a bit off about him but i thought he was such a nice guy and i was just being a judgey bish plus he always claimed to be so in love with me i agreed to a few dates with my friend on one date we went out with a whole group of couples to this state park a few hours away and during the ride home i dozed off i woke up to him groping me under my clothes and when i told him off he twisted it around like i was being ridiculous and imagined his hand under my bra like we're on a date why was i being so weird etc etc etc when i told him i had to cancel out fourth date because i'd gotten grounded after accidentally setting the kitchen on fire he punched me mostly in the face punched me he spent the rest of high school periodically stalking me slash my sisters ranting and raving to literally everyone about how i just didn't understand and he loves me he's just so emotional with his true love for me that sometimes he acts without thinking he's not like those other guys that would make sexual comments about my appearance why did i have to be such a stassi he's the best friend i ever had until i ruined it all by willfully misunderstanding and refusing to hear him out or give him closure on and on what a nice guy guess he tried to break into my bedroom window out of love and concern huh this will get buried but i'll never forget that nice guy i had been homeless for two three months and i said frickit and started stripping at a local strip club i was able to make enough cash a week to finally get a place of my own instead i wanted roommates so i could use it to go back to school i found some guys looking for a roommate and i was able to get in there with them we all got along we were all nerds me and first room at got a long rate second rumored was very quiet and ignored me a lot after the third month of living together my second roommate was a complete creep he would text me all the time asking where i was who i was with he would tell me when he graduated he was two semesters away that we could get married and i would never have to strip again he texted me almost every day i fell asleep once on the couch and this dude groped me while i was asleep he kissed me without asking he would constantly take my purse and put it in his room so i had to talk to him and ask for my stuff was after about a month of that stuff i sort of started sleeping somewhere else at my boyfriend's house or i just wouldn't go home and stay out until 9 00 am i would work double shifts at the club so 2 p.m until 2 a.m just so i wouldn't be at the apartment i remember this one night i got out of work at 2am and decided to drive to the beach because i didn't want to go home yet i'm halfway there when another club calls and asks if i want to work an after hours shift i say okay and head back i leave at 5 00 am from that club and head again to the beach to watch the sunrise i'm about to hit the bridge to get to the island and creepy room at cause me tells me to come home that i need to be home and safe and that he really needs to talk to me i hang up after i tell him i don't care and i don't like him i call my other roommate and ask where creepy roommate is nice rumor tells me he's just playing lowell i flat outside and just hung up creepy rumored calls again and tells me he's going to kill himself if i don't go home to him i hang up and call other roommate again nice rumor tells me that creepy rumor took all the knives into the bathroom and locked himself in there i'm furious like this guy was 23 years freaking old acting like a high school girl having her first breakup i drive all the way back i run upstairs into my apartment and knock on the door he opens it slowly and i slam it open i was mad i asked him what was so important that i needed to be home he takes me downstairs to his car this dude kneels down and opens the trunk to his car and there's a bouquet of flowers and i'm like no no i don't like you he takes out a paper from his pocket and reads a poem he wrote i leave this dude there and just get in my car and take off like i had been telling him almost every day to leave alone that i don't like him that i do not want to date him and he just didn't get the point he reached out to me like two years after i left that apartment i told him to leave alone he then called me a dumpster i had a baby with someone and that i was trash and i was the worst thing that ever happened to him i hate nice guys i'm a guy and gave a nice girl a chance she was one of those i'm not like other girls girls we went out for a casual pizza and drink dinner this was in college roughly 12 15 years ago she kept repeating what we would now call men's like omg pizza is lifestyle choice awkwardly charming the first time but not funny and annoying the tenth time she talked about herself the entire time most of it was humble bragging about her faults like it's just that i care too much about my friends and i guess i'm just the type of person that's 100 honest and can't accept dishonesty in others i could have left for 10 minutes and it wouldn't have interrupted her conversation it was like watching a one-person episode of the gilmore girls afterwards we left separately and we didn't kiss or anything the next day over msn messenger she asked when our next date was and i polity said i didn't think we had a connection she messaged me for about two weeks after that with increasingly desperate things it started with pick any place and i'll buy to feeling lonely tonight want to come over for some fun to mutual friend who set us up and i are talking about threesomes and we need your opinion a total lie as i learned from the friend to a picture of her cleavage she started dating some other dude and the messages stopped not the kind of nice guy you're expecting here because he really was nice but i did guilt myself into the whole thing he was asperger autistic and i've known how much he loved me for more than two years at that point because he wrote me cringy over the top romantic poems every day and kept whining why i just didn't give him a chance one day at a party where i let him be my date he was my only male friend who was free on this day he just kissed me out of nowhere and well i felt like i invited him to because i had asked him to join me after all so i gave him and tried it with him but i had told him to quit all the cheesy stuff he didn't and i felt like crap it felt like i was using him because he kept wasting his money buying dumb gifts like daily roses for me even though i told him i didn't want him to spend only a single cent on me he refused to listen saying it would be impossible to dial down his behavior so i ended things after two weeks because of me he now hates women oh well nice guy story where i was the nice guy to this day i feel terrible for my actions this started 12 years ago when i was 19 years old met a girl at a club hit it off right away and she ended up being my girlfriend at the start everything was fantastic we were genuinely happy together and i was in a constant state of not believing my luck of having found a girl as awesome as her about one month in i did something very stupid i met another girl we had drinks and ended up sleeping together instead of coming clean with awesome girl in our one i decided to keep it to myself all was fine except for a little lingering voice which said that if i could do such a thing surely she could as well this voice grew louder over time i started joking about her seeing other guys you know those half jokes which aren't funny at all and mainly make the other person feel bad i started checking her phone reading her socials etc at some point i was certain she was cheating on me even though there were no signs of it whatsoever i started cutting her off from her friends especially male friends and getting angry if she did not respond to my texts inquiring where she was with who and why she was not home i started doing surprise visits and getting really angry with her if there happened to be male friends in her vicinity even if they were in big groups my reasoning with her was always that what we had was special and that she shouldn't want to spend her time with anyone else than just us manipulative as i was i'd change tactics in the span of minutes being real nice and friendly one moment only to catch her off guard and get furious an instant later i'd use my kindness to get information trapping her in a constant cycle of guilt fast forward a bit we've been together for a year now and she has gone to uni making new friends we are fighting every day now one time i leave her house after a fight and realize i forgot my phone i go back in i hate her keys and found her crying in her room a moment of clarity struck and i broke up with her justifying it to myself as a messiah act surely this would have been the end of it but nope what followed was three years of me texting her calling her trying to figure out if she was seeing anyone and getting real angry when she was it just did not stop even if we did not meet up for a few months and i had somehow convinced her i had changed i'd end up doing the same thing over again on the very same day that we met up as in surely if she saw how nice i was now she should want me back so why doesn't she insert guilt trip etc this went on for years and it killed me i saw what i was doing to her and felt horrible for it but that voice and entitlement kept popping up so every time she offered me friendship i'd unleash the guilt trip at some point it stopped i started analyzing my own actions in this and shut off all contact with her or any one of her friends which were also my friends i just forced it all away and every time i felt this voice popping up i'd try to analyze where this entitlement was coming from so that i could fight it i can't really explain how it ended up going away other than the fact that one day i noticed i did not feel these things anymore for a long time i refused any form of romance with anyone afraid that i would start the cycle again after some time i did meet someone else we've been very happily together for seven years now when we started dating i was very open about all this which i think helped a lot i rarely feel these pangs of jealousy pop up anymore when they do i know they are not rational and i can shrug it off with these now it's something that won't ever fully go away but i know it's all me and i know where to find help when needed i wanted to share this here not for sympathy or whatever maybe just to show how creepy the mind can act from a first-person perspective i feel terrible for what i have done to another person nobody is entitled to another person's love attention or affection to those who are currently in a situation like this on the receiving end walk away cease contact break it off people don't change overnight even after years it can still linger on buried deep in the mind and ultimately its personal responsibility to face your demons and do something about it don't get guilted into becoming the pillar of stability for another person to hang on to the best thing you can do for the both of you is walk away [Music] [Music] [Music] you

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Id: r5CfOBU7sMk

Length: 33min 39sec (2019 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 05 2020