What is your "The univers is f*cking with me" story? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

what was your the universe is f king with me moment the evening of my first day without a cigarette in fifteen years I came across a full pack of smokes lying on a window ledge laughter ensued I never had found even one discarded cigarette before nor since I was really proud of myself because I didn't buy any on the way to a music festival guess what comes flying out of the sky during the first set break my favorite brand - also the source of one of the coolest hallucinations I've ever had end of the last night I was smoking and I felt a little girl grab the hand holding the smoke except it was midnight at a music festival so it wasn't a little girl I was feeling the smoke curling its way up my arm freaked me out good I stubbed it out and tossed the pack into a crowd easy come easy go one of our puppies got out and was hit by a car after digging the hole to bury the copy I tossed the pickaxe I was using to the side and accidentally killed another puppy that had got out - unbeknownst to me apparently he had been staying out of the way watching me bury his brother anyways right after I finished burying the second puppy my cat was run over in the same damn spot the first puppy was it I cried my heart out that day and cursed a universe many of my girlfriend's family members have died on the 27th of the month aunt uncle grandmother and grandfather in separate years fast forward a few years since the most recent death and she had to have emergency surgery due to an injury the date of that surgery the 27th luckily she was fine but was freaking out before then hug just on Saturday I was at work annoyingly late pushing on a project that had fallen behind with a looming deadline it was like 11 p.m. I'd been there for over 12 hours I was totally exhausted and stress out and I had one step left to complete before I was gonna leave for the night I get the piece of equipment ready for the step run the test cycles and cleaning to get it all set and it's working great I take it to the project pull the trigger to start send nothing the thing totally crapped out somehow between setup and use literally screamed and then just left f-ck it I was working for this place that had a job posting system they posted a job I thought I'd give a try I didn't like the job and went back to what I was originally doing cup to a while later and I get fired from the job career builder which I don't have an account for sends me an email full of job openings for the specific type of work I was doing that I didn't like I never at any point have listed this job in a resume or as experience on an application so yeah information gets around idk how I forgot about this but here goes the day I was gonna ask out my crush I find out she moved away to another country that same day I was playing soccer and someone kicked the hell out of my shin and fractured it dinner comes and me and my family go out to eat at a McDonald's because why not I get food poisoning him perhaps the end of a sh t day edit McDonald's was the next day on one memorable rainy cold Monday in early 1990s London I was evicted from my flat on no notice when the bailiffs turned up split up with my longtime girlfriend and then got fired from my job on Sunday evening everything in my life was running smoothly by Monday afternoon I was alone homeless and unemployed we were on a road trip and the kids are playing find a blue car then find a red car et Cie and since they were both boys it was getting loud I had a headache but didn't want to yell so I said why don't you make it hard and look for a golf cart or something no one's gonna drive a golf cart on i-95 just then an 18-wheeler holding dozens of golf carts pulls up next to us from the next on-ramp nothing but screams from the backseat they thought I was magic after a string of really bad luck not getting a promotion losing access to my medicine to my psychiatrist having to drop and retake a class and more I got into a small fender bender I was at fault but it was a very small collision with more damage to my vehicle in his and just the result of hydroplaning in the rain simple and clean cut no one was hurt everyone got to go home on time find out a few days later through the insurance company after denying an ambulance and medical assistance assuring the officer on the scene there was no injury the guy is suing Emmy for dollar sign 50000 for severe injuries sustained in the collision really asterisk it was my birthday weekend I helped someone jumpstart their car in the morning later on Ellie has the most rain it's had in six years the storm drain near my house get backed up my house gets flooded and was the only one on the block to be affected was with an ex a few years back that I was starting to wonder if I should break up with nothing crazy we were just at different places in our lives and I wasn't sure if I should keep trying to make it work she'd given me a watch as a gift and I came home from work one day and took it off before I was gonna start cooking dinner I put it on the counter at least two inches from the edge I turned around to get something out of the fridge and almost immediately heard something fall and hit the ground it was the watch that had somehow fallen off the counter it was busted up pretty good and I just didn't care my first instinct was to just chuck it in the trash that's when I realized that yep I needed to break up with her I've had three instances in my life where I've gotten decent raises at work coating home to share the news with my wife to find out she's accepted a new position at a new job for less money or decided to change careers that will require her to quit work altogether like within days of making a little extra money we take a large financial hit but she's the love of my life and she's doing what she wants now so it's all good whenever I get a raise or a bonus something breaks in the house taking a chunk of that maybe it just seems that way either way I'm grateful for the extra funds to address that expense cut off contact with a horrible ex around May of this year and last week I finally decided to clear all of her sh t out of my car some clothes and random junk got it all bagged up and tossed out the very next day I turned a corner at the store and there she was I haven't seen or spoken to her in six months and the day after I try to remove items that remind me of her I almost run right into her my ex dumped me in April this year it was really rough for me and it took a while to feel somewhat happy again by myself I was doing counseling and the day after my last session when I had expressed finally feeling in a good spot I get a surprise text from her and then three weeks ago I was in the shopping center with my new girlfriend who is so much better and lo and behold I see her working which I've not done since we split not as bad as others but it was last December I was head over heels in love with this girl and just had spent two five hundred dollars on a vacation for both of us and her parents the vacation wasn't what I expected cold-weather hotel was shitty etc dot about two weeks after we got back I started working a lot of OT as a carpenter in Minnesota in December it sucked but I had just spent most of my money on said vacation my girlfriend decides to go out for her friend's birthday she gets wasted and ends up in a threesome while I'm outside freezing to death building someone's multi-million dollar home TL DR spent most of my money on GF worked ot outside in December GF gets plowed by two dudes while I was working it was my 21st birthday I was enjoying a nice birthday breakfast when my neighbour buzzed the intercom and told me someone had run over my cat she survived but now she's blind and she was in a lot of pain for quite a while around a year or so later more or less in the same period it was like 1 or 2 months after my birthday she was poisoned with rat poison she survived but she was in a lot of well pain as last time for a few weeks in that moment I knew the universe hated my cat and me so the wife was in Newfoundland and I was in Ottawa we were moving and she went on ahead while I stay behind to finish my job and pack up the house board one night I went to a bar and started chatting with a couple of college girls I met one thing led to another and they invite me back to their place for a threesome so here I am thinking there's no way the wife could find out I'm leaving town in a few days so that no way this could ever blow back on me and these girls were hot and I turned them down even if my wife would never know I would I had too much respect for our marriage to do something like that three years later we were divorced because she was sleeping with five other men the building I work in has two one-person bathrooms in between them the wall is set back few feet from the rest of the hallway in that gap is a water fountain a couple of months ago I went to the drinking fountain to fill up my water bottle except there was no water fountain the wall between the bathroom doors was completely filled in I walked away from it looked around the hallway and then walked back to the area where the drinking fountain was supposed to be but it was still gone thinking I was crazy I ended up going back to my office and asking my co-workers if we'd ever had a drinking fountain there to begin with of course they said that there was I went back to the fountain a third time and it was there the same as always this hasn't happened since I'm still not sure what the hell was going on that day just yesterday we had a meeting about restructuring pay wages and titles I was the logistics team lead for six years before starting up our facilities departments two years ago the meeting is going a than they mentioned moving up in the company which piqued my interest I swapped departments because they didn't want a logistics manager at this site they then explained that after two years in a position they will be either moving people into manager positions or expert positions for people who don't have manager skills or our department of one like mine those positions will be expected to take on one project a year I'm sitting there dumbfounded I've been doing multiple projects every year while running the full logistics department I've completely built our facilities department from the ground up I've done back-to-back 500 Kahless projects this year alone after the meeting I met with HR and the GM to ask what does this mean for me how am I going to get bumped up I was told time doesn't stops until this year so I'm two years from a manager's position at the 20k that comes with it I just had my resume professionally done and I'm sending it out f-ck this company obligatory not me but my mother-in-law she claims she is cursed and ends up in the hospital every the first of April without fail it started when she was a child and every year something different gets her a dog mauling her a car accident the balcony security rail giving out and making her fall down three stories numerous wounds from other people's April Fool pranks going wrong etc she even has a bunch of scars and she can tell you which April first caused which scar complete with a full story one the first of April we were staying at her place and she made a pillow bunker in her bedroom and literally waited out the entire day in there she promised to herself that this would be the first the first of April in decades without a hospital visit midnight arrived and she triumphantly left her pillow fort unharmed and victorious to celebrate she decided to cook hamburgers for the whole family the pan full of burning hot oil somehow slipped from her hands in such a way that all the oil spilled on her arm an ambulance had to be called and she needed skin grafts my personal theory is that the universe got mad she tried to fight back and turn the 1st of april curse up to 11 right after moving I was in a car accident on the freeway during Russia back and if my car was crunched while it was sitting in the parking lot of a collision center waiting to be repaired a semi backed into the front end the collision sensor was right next to a trucking company when my husband called to tell me what had happened I thought he was joking when my dog ran out into the street and a car almost hit it but the car stopped looked at me back at my dog then slammed on the gas pedal running my dog over in the process what the [ __ ] did you call the cops tell them the number WTF seriously WTF I ran to my parents and got them outside but by then the guy was gone August 2019 first weekend in August I get mugged and punched on a night out lose my phone wallet keys the same weekend my dad and second mum split up after 15 years the weekend after my mum goes on holiday the first nights away and I'm watching the dogs the eldest passes away in the midnight vet as I'm holding her about three days before she comes home I get rushed into hospital with supposed sepsis and have surgery luckily I was in and out within a week the last weekend of August my car breaks down and costs me you acute 300 plus in repairs and x200 be August can f ck off I am NOT leaving the house next August as a kid I went to open up the blinds in the living room the thick part of the blinds at the very bottom maybe it has a name idk proceeds to hit a lampshade on the way up which causes the lamp to fall over towards the coffee table where it proceeds to knock over a full glass of Pepsi which I had conveniently placed right next to my powered on PS be thin never worked after that I accidentally invented a complex machine for the sole purpose ruining my favorite toy I was fixing up an old dirt bike bought a pair of spark plugs cut opened the clamshell pack and installed one through the pack in my toolbox with the other plug a couple weeks later I came back for the second plug and the package was completely sealed I spent a good 10 minutes turning it over pushing and poking every way I could to find the cut I'd made earlier it wasn't there I compared the gently used plug I pulled from the bike same part number so I didn't accidentally grab a different package I took German in high school had a good teacher went up to level 3 and she started assigning German books for me to read one was called Momo a small fiction novel some student had read it before apparently as there were a few underlined words and comments couple years later I was tutoring German and thought to email her about useful materials turns out she had passed away suddenly from cancer right after I finished her classes I ended up browsing thrift stores to find materials and happened to see a copy of Momo on the shelf brought it home started reading and there were underlined words and comments in the margins it was the same book I guess it's not too much of a coincidence she lived in the area and not many people would buy German books madam there was this one week where the radio station kept talking about mercury being in remission back in March of this year they kept saying that if you had a really good week something extremely bad will happen on the last day my co-workers were in all this and they kept blaming all their badge T on this mercury thing I didn't believe it and told them that nothing but good things were happening to me I got more money I was just moving into a new apartment everything was coming up to ku so the last day came and nothing bad happened at work I gloated to my co-workers about how this superstitious myth just gave me all of their good luck I went home and everything was fine then my sister called me to let me know that my dad had passed away happened in January this year first my wife's sister ends up in hospital having surgery to remove a cyst from her bile duct the surgery went badly she was in agony for two weeks and looked terrible then my wife's mother is hit by a car on her way back from visiting my wife's sister and ends up in a different hospital so for a few days we are driving between two different hospitals each day then my wife's grandma suddenly died my Sill and mill can't go to the funeral because they're still in hospital but my wife and I have to go the funeral was terrible and also happened to be at the exact date and time of a specialist medical appointment we'd been waiting six weeks for that we had to cancel and rebook for six weeks into the future that was on Thursday on Sunday I had to drive somewhere about an hour away for work on Saturday evening our new car broke down and I my wife and I had to desperately call around to friends to see if anyone could lend me their car for the day it was not a fun week for us I dropped a pound coin and for some dumb reason child me thought I should push it under a cabinet so I did pushed so far I couldn't get it back but I always knew it was there I couldn't lift it because it was filled with DVDs and no doors to keep them in nevertheless I knew there was always a pound there skipped forward ten years and I'm moving oh yay the ceilings in my flat fell on me and we moved the cabinet the damn coins gone how why screw you universe you only you a cute one went to Japan when I was 14 stayed with a host family mom had a mental breakdown and physically abused her husband and son in front of me had to leave to stay somewhere else went back when I was 17 different host family different part of the country mom has a mental breakdown tries to kill herself and gets hospitalized while I'm there watched an extremely emotional crying fit from the daughter directed at her dad had to leave to stay somewhere else again both times all the screaming was in Japanese so I have no idea what was going on the first time was kinda scary and depressing the second time was just welp don't know what I expected double-quote I was born under a meteor shower proposed to under a night with multiple shooting stars not on my birthday and the night I prayed for a sign I wouldn't die one of the biggest fireballs I've ever seen crossed the sky 30 seconds after I said are men right in the middle of my windshield as we drove home from MD Anderson Cancer Center a week later my bias II was back scar tissue no evidence of disease I don't believe in astrology but I believe in signs eater I read this as f king with me as in on my side not [ __ ] with me guess I'm an optimist now about two years ago I went to a lads place to play some Dungeons & Dragons never really played before but was excited and enthusiastic my character was an alcoholic loose cannon a detroit detective looking for his partner's killer at one point early on the DM brought a new character in I grabbed a dice and said I throw my shoe at him I Roland gets snake eyes the DM then says your shoe flies over his shoulder completely missing him and falling into a river for the rest of the game every character I met would be greeted with have you seen a shoe looks like this one but for the other foot two weeks ago I started playing disco Elysium RPG D&D style game where you play a loose-canon alcoholic detective who lost issue I pissed myself laughing when I connected the dots I thought it was odd I was on a flight home to California from Texas that stopped in Colorado to change planes the first leg of the trip was miserable i sat next to a drunk woman who dropped a pretzel my lap and reached between my legs for it hit me in the face while talking with her hands and would lean the full body weight on me when talking to the person on other side of her she even hit on the pilot when we landed during my plane switch I had an hour layover and I was talking to a friend on the phone about how I wished I knew someone on my next flight so I wouldn't risk being next to another person like that on my next one my wish was granted instantaneously I went to check my quran bag to make room on the full flight and I made eye contact with a guy who I hadn't seen since high school this particular guy just so happens to have told his whole family we were dating and shown them pictures of me when we hadn't even met in person it was an interesting three hours to say the least the universe was definitely messing with me just a little the worst person in the world lived near the DMV I avoided the whole neighborhood at all costs in case I ran into him one day I had to go to the DMV for an appointment and I woke up that day dreading the thought that I might run into him it sounds ridiculous it was a workday early afternoon the odds were high that he was at work and even if he wasn't he probably wasn't hanging out at the DMV we lived in a major city with about a million people in it nevertheless I was paranoid when I was making my way over to the DMV paranoid when I ate lunch at the restaurant next door what if he came in for lunch , and paranoid during when I was waiting in line and paranoid when I was walking out afterwards it wasn't until I'd traveled all the way across the city and made it to my downtown office that I exhaled I laughed at myself what a silly bit of scaredy-cat paranoia I made my way through the rest of the workday rolling my eyes at myself until it was time to leave for the gym at which point I stepped outside and guess who just happened to be walking down the sidewalk directly in front of my office at that moment my girlfriend cheated on me last fall which hit me really hard took a long time for me to feel low-key with myself and gain the confidence to start dating again and trust somebody else fast forward to last spring I met this amazing girl and been in a relationship with her for the last couple months and even admitting being in a relationship who is a huge step for me well who doesn't call me up five days ago but her boyfriend asking me if I've been with her while he was away working abroad conclusion I'm getting a dog I had a lucky star canvas bag and middle school lost it one day at home and I've never found it to this day we literally just emptied the house a few months ago because we moved and I still didn't go did it I am not even into the show anymore all have seen it in like 10 years this is just something that's frustrated me for years when I was a kid I lost a library book in my room I searched it up and down but ended up having to pay for the loss book at the library it never turned back up but I always thought it probably will once my family moves out one day years later we moved packed everything up left to clean and empty flat behind book never turned up my theory is that the universe were loaded up my wife and I found out we were chosen to adopt a newborn baby girl by the baby's birth parents a week or so after we suffered a miscarriage brought baby girl home after she was born she's the best thing in the world wife takes to being a mother like no one I've ever seen before it's what she's meant to do we know we want to have 2-3 more kids we start fertility treatments again doctors discover she has ovarian cancer she has to have a full hysterectomy good news is that's normally ovarian cancer isn't discovered that early because it's usually symptom free until it's spread so we have one perfect child but no chance ever of having any more we sometimes feel like the luckiest and unluckiest people in the world whenever I complain [ __ ] about someone that person always turn out in the hearing distance just today someone took almost 15 minutes to withdraw money from ATM and after 10 minutes people standing in the queue started to get frustrated and left to the other ATMs we were about to leave to but then the guy finally came out so my dad and I went in and I said what the hell was he doing in here for 15 minutes and not even withdraw something what an idiot I turn and voil ah there he was standing behind us waiting for his turn again I can count on something going wrong every single January for the past seven years or so I've been fired cheated on in one relationship broken up with in another car broken down and needing replaced knee surgery bank account hacked this is to name a few I typically have decent Stu good luck except for January my current girlfriend called me crazy while I braced for the worst this past January and then my bank informed me someone in Mobile Alabama took $300 from my account at a Shell gas station I will meet my arch nemesis in 56 days was 263 days free of suicidal thoughts finally decided it was time for me to be myself and then my best friend abandoned me my other great friend moved a few states away my social medias got hacked I got mugged my brother went to ER and spent two months in the hospital due to heart infection my cat passed away they sent me to a new school in which I was left alone always my parents business began failing thus no money or food my dad got from BOCES in his heart and lung yes there is more right now I have been two days happy and have finally asked for help since I was so afraid I was going to end my own life I developed feelings for one of my friends because we were spending too much time together and I was planning to end our friendship since I knew she didn't reciprocate and I needed space the day before I was planning to end things there was drama that resulted in her isolating herself from the rest of our friends so not wanting to leave her alone I had to postpone things so we ended up spending more time together and my feelings for her grew stronger things did not end well but the timing of it was so ridiculous that it still gives me and my other friend who I was talking to about my feelings a laugh last year I got hit by a car on my bike and broke my wrist in three places I'm sitting in the hospital bed and the nurse asked if I wanted to watch TV so I said sure and she handed me the remote the first thing to come on was the Tour de France I thought what are the odds lost so I changed a channel I go to the movie channel and they're playing premium rush where Joseph gordon-levitt get hit by a car on his bike I change the channel again and it's American Ninja Warrior and the first contestant starts taking about how he wanted to win to prove he was recovered from a biking accident eventually I got so taken aback and frustrated I just turned it off ten minutes later the doctor comes in to evaluate me and goes to shake my broken hand such as to his left and says hi i'm dr armstrong nice to meet you his name was armstrong TLDR i broke my wrist riding my bike and the universe relentlessly teased me for it dad's gots judge and syndrome and m/e i've got em e and p o t s mom just got diagnosed with vascular dementia can't keep getting worse right Doug got diagnosed with diabetes last year now he has an inoperable liver tumor it's beginning to take the pistol it'll I feel like that guy from the story about being pressed to death and just saying more weight every time I learn something the night before or the morning of it somehow appears throughout my day idk how why some things would even appear in daily conversation got invited to spend the night at his girl's dorm three nights in a row I'm thinking I'm gonna get lucky night one in the middle of us touching each other the fire alarm goes off it's cold and rainy outside by the time we get in the moods dead okay whatever goodnight night - in the middle of us touching each other we realized we're both very dehydrated she gets up to get us some water by the time she got back in bed she wasn't in the mood I'm not going to try to convince someone to do something they don't want to do okay whatever good night 9 3 in the middle of us touching each other my dck just decided to stop working didn't want to get up ok whatever good night no not November is real yo better luck next month my dad died of a sudden heart attack on the 18th of May 2016 three days before his 70th birthday my favorite musician of all time Chris Cornell died on the 18th of May 2017 the day before my sister and I were to fly to Denver to see Soundgarden I had seen Chris probably fifty sometimes in his different bands and solo but had missed their last show in my hometown because I was in Norway at the time so we planned that trip to make up for it I still f king hate the 18th of May it was two weeks after my birthday this year my wife bought me a pack of 100 jaffa cakes amazing british mini cake with chocolate and orange stuff in it i had opened some Moree and had three in my hand when the phone rang it was my doctor phoning to tell me I was really really by abetik hba1c of 118 613 percent I took my three jaffa cakes in them away never to eat them again ever I had a drug test coming up for a job I had stopped smoking weed weeks earlier but I have been a longtime smoker so I knew that wasn't enough time to pass this test so I drank a ton of water and was offered vitamins by my friend to help darken my urine so it wouldn't be rejected for looking too diluted after my second time taking the vitamins I realized they didn't quite taste right so I looked inside the bottle and turns out this vitamin bottle is where my buddy stored his blood for a trip he went on and there were a handful of small nug scattered inside I'm sure it didn't have an effect on my test but I certainly felt like the universe was laughing at me in that moment June 2018 started off with losing my wallet with $300 cash my license social security card etc then my girlfriend had her graduation and I was late because I had been tiled the wrong location then said girlfriend who was also one of my best friends broke up with me for a nonsensical reason and completely cut me out in her life three days later Father's Day yay except this is the first Father's Day since mine passed away unexpectedly in September 2018 so I had to deal with a fresh breakup and that pain all over again very very lucky I had one of my closest friends with me that night or idk what would have happened then my now acts is grandpa who I was also very close to died and I couldn't even go to the funeral cause my ex didn't want me there then I decided my life was a wreck so I went to join the army they told me I was too fat close bracket two days ago I was waiting for the train with a new friend from University just started there we had a small chat and I mentioned how my train line idk what you call it often runs a little late literally ten seconds later we hear the announcement that my trains gonna be delayed by five minutes but if it often runs late it's not much of a coincidence when I was on maternity leave my car had a minor problem but it took weeks for it to be prepared because they were waiting for a specific part that needed to be shipped in they didn't have a loaner at the time I could use so I was kind of pissed I was spending the last weeks I had left home bounded two weeks left I finally got my car back I was happy as can be parked it at the street in front of my house I kid you not two hours later some elder woman who was driving got unwell in her car rear end of my car after already hitting two cars on the side which made my car hit the one in front of me it totaled my car it was totally sandwiched female at that moment the lady ended up to be fine but I was so pissed off it was over the course of a year and a half while I was student teaching in a really intensive program my son was born prematurely then died a month later I was lucky to find a job because it was peak recession and at least in my state districts were broke then I lost my job that I had worked myself ragged for on the one-year anniversary of my son's death a few months later we learned that our other son had the same condition that killed our first son like getting struck by lightning twice said the doc fifth known case of it repeating in the world comma when we called my father-in-law to tell him we learned he had stage 4 lung cancer then we got treatment for our second son and it was successful but then the stent failed a week later and we lived in a hospital for two months until he passed it's been eight years and I'm still kinda raw [Music] [Music]

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Id: -NuSTDQ_mIw

Length: 36min 42sec (2202 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 11 2020