What is the most embarrassing thing you could admit about yourself? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

what is the most embarrassing thing you could admit about yourself on reddit but never in real life my girlfriend and I got this nice hotel room in a major downtown city for a mutual friend's wedding open bar reception blue Illawarra til it's time to head up for some sexy time iced tea myself bad as I slide the room key I say I'll just be a minute as I walk to the bathroom panic I remove boxer briefs clean myself up best I can without running a shower I hide a shitty wet underwear under the garbage can liner and compose myself I returned to my GF and she is all about jumping me my tuxedo pants sobbing earnestly taken off and she sees I'm without underwear she thinks it's for her and responds quite positively she can never know those poor maids update 1gf became my wife nine years ago sometimes when I see a hot lady on the street I take as many mental pictures of her body then before I go to bed I pop a bunch of melatonin to enhance my dreams then I try and hunt her down in my dream and f ck her in the ass I thought I was bit by a deadly spider conveniently on my bag I had a panic attack and went to the ER because I was obviously dying so I'm laying on a bed in the ER with my legs spread and no pants and the nurses like yup definitely an ingrown hair edit thanks for the gold when hiding during hide-and-seek I used to wet my pants from excitement that the game was about to start it might still do so to this day I haven't played hide and seek in a long time but I've used this to my advantage to actually pee when I'm in a public restroom just start counting down from five works like a charm edit law can't believe I lost my gold unity because of this thank you very much though I hope it made you chuckle or maybe want to make the best of a bad situation I just found out that the fetus I'm pregnant with never developed a brain and will die upon birth heart still beats because it has brain stem I can't terminate because I'm past 20 weeks now I just hope everyday that it will die so I don't have to feel it move anymore when I was about seven or eight years old I was having some entertainment once while my grandfather was sleeping after the lunch I tried to be funny and farted in front of his nose karma exists as I tried to fart as many times as possible into his sleeping face I accidentally shat my pants I'm married to someone who was a virgin in supernova an innocent when we met she has no idea how terrible I am in the sack and thinks it's normal that guys can't last more than a couple minutes maximum it's bad edit a lot of folks are stealing she talks to her friends about s ex and knows sadly for her I feel pretty safe saying that's not the case she doesn't have any female friends she is close with she spends most of her time at home with the children and hates going anywhere without me but that's a whole different set of issues we won't get into and when I say she was now very innocent that's an understatement her parents were raised Amish before leaving the community and they raised her like Amish only with electricity other than that some good things for me else to try thanks all the first time I had sex I ended up f king her bellybutton I was just getting my groove on and grunting and I hear in oculi that's my belly button instant boner killer didn't have SX again for two years she was very very overweight her name was Betsy edit also to set the scene she was on her back but her belly hung low for all I know I could have started in the right place but with a bad thrust just ended up there and kept going : Open bracket I'm a 37 year old female virgin I've never even had a boyfriend edit to weed out repeat questions it's mostly on me since I am overweight and have body issues that prevent me from being okay enough to share it with one else it's also part no one that I know it has ever been intrusted but here's the good news gang I just asked my magic 8-ball if I would ever get laid and it stuck pretty solidly on that line between all signs point to yes and yes guys magic 8-ball caps lock is never wrong edit - okay I tried to be a cool redditor and respond to everyone but this has been going on for hours and I am going to sleep thank you to everyone who had positive messages and a special thank you to all of you who were helpful enough to point out that I should lose weight and that whatever I am currently doing to lose weight is wrong and that whatever I have tried in the past to lose weight was wrong and that I just don't understand how to lose weight and that I shouldn't take my disability into account and that I'm just not trying hard enough and that you know my body better than I do and how I'm a big fat fatty despite the fact I was never asking for any advice I was just honestly answering the question as to why I was still a virgin where would I be without you kind Souls to remind me I'm fat oh wait I have a mirror and that mirror doesn't treat me like an [ __ ] thanks mirror I once jerked off to a friend's panties we were sharing a room in a hospital and I came back drunk one night and saw her panties on her bed she's a stone-cold Fox and I couldn't help myself I took a picture of her panties position on the bed snagged them and went to town on myself in the bathroom I returned them as perfectly I could and she was none the wiser it's probably the most pathetic thing I've ever done I live with the mother of my child and sleep in the same bed with her I basically spend all my time with her we act like a perfect family and nobody would even suspect that we weren't in love but we haven't had SX or even kissed since my son was born six years ago edit we did love each other very much at one time now we're more like friends but not like really good friends I think we're only still together from son he's an awesome little gentleman and we did a kick-ass job raising him neither of us could disappoint him by splitting up we're happy as parents but neither of us are happy at a couple I'm not happy but it's the life I chose to live a couple months ago I decided to take on the challenge of orgasming without touching I was doing pretty good and who was on the verge of coming but then I just pissed myself instead my doctor thinks I may have Asperger's given that my family seems to think Asperger's and mentally [ __ ] are synonyms are I'm not sure I'm going to ever follow up on it or mention it to them for that matter edit I should have mentioned my age I'm in my early 30s so this isn't so much about my parents finding out from my doctor I have a large tight-knit family parents many siblings and huge extended family I can't tell one person without everyone else finding out everyone knows everything about everyone there's almost four no secrets policy with us and while I think in the end they'd all be supportive it'll be a huge hassle having to teach everyone about it and explain that I haven't suddenly become Forrest Gump not confirming the Asperger's just seems like the simpler route edit - for the record my family aren't terrible people just misinformed about it like many other Americans so let's stop talking about my mama up until I was 18 I believe that if your hand was bigger than your face you had cancer because my cousin never finished the prank on me he told me this when I was 9 I'm a guy and I pluck my pubes with my fingers it's so f king addicting my groin looks smooth as f ck but I have to pluck the tiniest of hairs if I spot one my index finger has like a permanent dent hard skin because of it edit low everyone thinks I have OCD which is funny because I couldn't disagree more I might have exaggerated when I said I have to pluck the tiniest of hairs if I spot one it's just that when I'm sitting laying around doing nothing my hand naturally gravitates towards that area and I just start plucking whatever's there which by now are all very tiny hairs that are starting to grow back because I keep plucking them one time in college I really liked this girl and wanted to tell her as much on Wednesdays we went to the on campus Club to dance and I was going to tell her there and ask her out I told her I wanted to talk to her that night I told her friends I was going to tell her I got dressed to the nines then I lost my nerve I kept running back to the dorm and making a screwdriver then again then two then three more and I passed the hell out into the dorm common room one of my friends came and got me cleaned me up and walked me to my room to put me to bed the next morning when I went downstairs to nurse a hangover and play Mario Kart with people everyone tried to dance around telling me something finally her best friend kind of blurted it out the friend who put me to bed and didn't know I had feelings for the girl made out with her on the dance floor that night because she was really lonely they've been together since throw away here eleven five years ago my father died in the middle of the night probably due to a burst cerebral aneurysm there was no effort to discover the true cause because there really wasn't any point to it it was over in about 15 minutes I'm a single child so it was me and my mum left the next year or so I would get up during the middle of the night and quietly go to my mom's room and stand near her bed and watch her chest if she's breathing essentially if she is alive I would stand there motionless Lee in the pitch-black night for like three five minutes until I was sure she is okay and then I would go back to bed I was really scared of losing her to edit one thanks for the kind words not that I'm embarrassed about this but it's not something I would like heartedly share edit to Internet hugs to all of you kind caring strangers three I used to hunt the floor as a kid before I knew what masturbation was I had no idea why it felt so good I was shocked and concerned the first time Jews came out but that didn't slow me down my ex and I have been broken up for eight months I just saw on Facebook he was in a new relationship and his visiting her in North Carolina right now he's from Ontario one of the reasons we broke up was because of long distance I'm from Michigan and when I saw that update I pretty much immediately burst into tears and I've been devastated the rest of the day and that is what I won't tell anyone in real life despite it often feeling very very good it's difficult for me to finish during sex my ex used to think it was their fault but I'm pretty sure it's my anxiety medicine which just makes me not want to take it anymore up until a while ago I believed frogs weren't real because my parents told me it was a conspiracy when I really young I never questioned them and always thought the teachers were stupid for buying into that frogs are real but they aren't a conspiracy and my parents played a long evil joke I'm a ref King doormat no matter what anyone does to me I'll always help them I will give the last dollar in my bank account to the guy who just shanked me in the kidney to get out of prison it's really embarrassing to have the constant feeling that I'm nothing and I need to give everyone everything to feel even kind of validated when I was twenty I had a dream a really really long one I've dreamt of a girl my age I met her at a bar we talked we liked each other over time it grew into something bigger and I was really happy with her I woke up suddenly like seriously in my dream it all took months looking back at him I'm still not sure how it worked because it's as hazy as memories but it influenced me more than a dream shirt to this day three years later whenever in public I look around hoping I might just meet her it made me cynical and sad pretty much overnight whenever I'm out in public making small talk with a stranger I II cashier waiter fellow customer I will spread a false yet believable rumor about something in our area to see if it will spread around town I've had about a dozen people emphatic ly tell me about a [ __ ] rumor that I myself have started I guess I could tell people about it but it's just too much dang fun I feel like a lame version of the Joker I was 14 and was on my period during a week at camp I was still embarrassed about the whole menstrual cycle thing so I never made it to the bathroom discreetly to change my pad my friend's mom drove a bunch of us home and on the way I noticed I had leaked all over the seat I was also the first one dropped off at home I got out of the van and didn't look back when I was younger and one of my TV shows would come on kalau Berenstein bears Tom and Jerry etc common I'd strip down naked no matter who was watching and do laps in my house screaming the name of the show this lasted until I was 8 throw away account for even more secrecy I like to plan very carefully and I work best when that plan is laid out in paper when I met my boyfriend I decided that I liked him and did a lot of research about him I created dossiers on each of his previous girlfriends trying to discern what his type is no one who knows me would imagine that I do something like that I'm a totally normal appearing person I try to rationalize what I did as a way to deal with the nervousness that comes with a crush we've been together for a year now and obviously what I did is totally irrelevant at this point it's hard to explain it's not as though I wanted to emulate his exes I simply wanted to be informed I've never pretended to be anything I'm not but I've also never mentioned this to him I've destroyed the files in the hard core pays and I'd be absolutely f king mortified if he somehow found out I know it seems creepy but I promise that it's totally harmless all I did was stalk Facebook and do some giggling which is normal but the creation of document still isn't was pretty weird I imagine this will get buried in all the responses so that's good old co-workers and family know my reddit account I pooped my pants when I was 21 I was at work I trusted a fart and I shouldn't have I ran to the bathroom locked the door and first tried to clean my underwear in the sink in utter desperation I then tried to flush my underwear down the toilet as I didn't want to throw it in the trash lest someone see it I ripped it into shreds and flushed a piece at a time someone knocked by I said the bathroom was busy after I cleaned my pants as best I could I left the bathroom and just went home I went back the next day and told them I was sick but I felt like they knew edit at the time this happened I never thought I could have gotten gold for it or any recompense thanks for the gold I have a huge man crush on Patrick Dempsey I've been to quite a few of the same race weekends that he's been at with his race team and I've gotten to talk to him one-on-one a few times he's so down-to-earth and approachable and dreamy I'm 28 and just figured out what I want to do with my life I don't think most of my friends and family would believe I've been scared shitless trying to figure it out since I was probably 18 in high school I was good friends with a girl who was a bit of an attention W a tree okay a lot of one but was kind of pretty one night when she slept over at my house we decided to explore and I went down on her I'm a stray female now happily engaged to a dude but I've never been afraid of testing boundaries , at the time she praised my skills and seemed rather pleased and no she did not reciprocate nbsp that is not the embarrassing part the embarrassing part is that now she is married with a kid and is an anti-gay bible-thumper who really just gets on my nerves if I didn't think it would give close family members a heart attack I would call her out on it and then BSB didn't hate the gay so much when you were getting your carpet munched did you sweetie double-quote my penis is an average six inches when erect but when flaccidity down to crazy small like receding into my pelvic cavity small I have these intense and weird as f ck visions in my head for certain thoughts think J D from Scrubs like earlier today my mom and I were heading to a family reunion that's about an 11 hour drive she was talking about something when she realized that she forgot something she said [ __ ] it just bide there I immediately imagined the wicked style musical number including dancers in costume with these lines did I bring the shampoo no did I bring the sheets no did I bring the pillow no did I remember to bring my favorite blue jeans hell no lead actress collapses and cries should I go back or should I just forget without these items I just cannot be wrong loud Orchestra clash and the dancers jump up so f ck I T just by eyeteeth ee ee this all happened within a few seconds in my head and was quite unexpected would never tell anyone else I think like this I had a post go to the top of Reddit once I felt quite the sense of achievement until I realized that all I had done was post a cute picture I found in a news article and for all the deflation that went with that realization I'm still kind of excessively pleased with myself about it I didn't know what a V Gena looked like until I was 20 and watched porn for the first time this comment will be so buried that it'll still be a secret at the time I was 17 and I'm with my first girlfriend we knew each other for three months home alone invite her over thinking I was getting laid so far so good things go according to plan we play fight when she by mistake really Commerce scratches my eyelid I feel a sharp pain and react I throw her off of me she hits the table and goes unconscious you should know I'm the burly type after what she didn't remember what happened to my defense I told her didn't get laid in a long long time because she told others sometimes for a midnight snack I still like to pour the ramen package straight into a bowl sprinkle it with the yummy dust and eat it hard the crunchy saltiness is so satisfying it's my secret shame edit I appreciate the support I am still unable to admit the most embarrassing part of my indulgence which I left out I'm still too ashamed edit - okay fine here we go I don't even know how to explain it but when I was a kid I found it satisfying to not swallow the hard stuff after I chew it up and make a ball of dough I guess from that sprinkle it with yummy dust inserts and fresh crunches and it becomes this warm ball of soft and crunchy dough and I still do it I know it's f king disgusting I'm a monster seems like something or f king bird would do but it's really good and it's not entirely regurgitated just spat out I can't justify it anymore it's horrific but it's also delicious and I eat it in the dark in my basement in the middle of the night a few times a year then I chug a huge glass of water and figure that to my stomach it's all the same and I just hates a bowl of soup like a normal human being dot judge away one time at a dinner I saw menu item that had peppercorns steak and peppercorns sounded good I was out with my husband and I said that sounds good and ordered it it came out and the steak was covered in these hard type beads I tried one it was spicy like pepper I asked the server who had come back what the hell was on my steak Marlo the pepper counts double quote my response was where the hell is the corn these tastes like pure pepper double quote my husband started laughing so hard he was crying the server kindly explained what peppercorns were I was so embarrassed when I'm alone sometimes I get really emotional about my grandmother who was like a mother to me my dad raised me and my bro on his own she died about two months ago there are nights where I just sit there and just listen to the motional songs non-stop and cry a little bit I miss her so much when I was a kid my brother convinced me aunts make you grow faster I was obsessed with being tall when I was little dot I must have ate well over 1,000 ants from age 5-7 my mother caught me eating one once and informed me that they do not make you taller in that I was in fact a huge f king idiot I am 6 feet 3 now go so maybe they do work I have never been more nervous and scared in my life than when I accidentally walked into the woman's washroom at the end of a lease game before the final buzzer I walked into an empty room grabbed a stool and started my business buzzer sounds and the surge of high heels starts bombarding the floor around me I quickly realize my mistake yet thought to myself should I wait them out comma maybe I should just run I remembered my wife had to use a bathroom as well she was most likely in the room with me as I sat I decided I had to run for it I finished my task swung open the stall door to the site of a massive line right out the door head down the hallway I was so scared so nervous I would get arrested or beat up or found by my wife the worst part came as I was almost clear of the line a woman yelled at me as loud as she could you forgot to wash double-quote don't tell anyone I'm going to preface this with two things one I'm on my phone so formatting maybe if a - I have diagnosed crippling social anxiety issues almost a year ago I lived out of my car for two weeks because I was afraid to ask for help I missed a rent payment by two days and then for two months was too embarrassed doesn't feel like the right word but it gets the point across to fix it when the notice got posted to my door it just got worse and worse I was too panicky to be in the apartment too panicky to ask for help and definitely too panicky to let anyone know I had f ked up at this point I had been off my meds for three months it was worse than it had ever been I had already told my parents that I wasn't planning on renewing the lease and was going to stay with them until I found somewhere slightly nicer and so I killed two weeks living in my car showering at my cousin's when I went over there to hang out and generally doing nothing is for moral of the story being sleepy occasionally is an acceptable side effect of anxiety meds also don't go off your meds if they're working even if your friends all swear by the power of recreational drug use it's not the same adverse reactions may apply I don't know how to maths I can do basic addition subtraction and multiplication but that's it I learned it of course throughout all of school but I seriously forgot it all I don't even know how to divide I have to use a calculator and if decimals are involved I'm completely [ __ ] I'm 31 when I was about 22 I got too drunk to drive once like really really drunk and I couldn't find a ride or take a taxi because I was with parents at the time who lived 15 miles outside of town in the middle of nowhere instead of calling them for a ride like normal human being I hid my wallet cell phone and keys in an alley and then I punched myself in the face like six times really really hard I walked like four blocks to a gas station and had them call the police and tell them that I was mugged like 15 cops showed up and even had dogs to try and get a scent off of the fictitious attackers they were even looking for footprints and said that they thought they might have a lead a cop gave me a ride home and told my parents what happened I never admitted to anyone what really happened because I became impregnated by the sympathy party I got free drinks from everywhere around town for like a month I bought an electric guitar with every intention of learning how to play instead when I'm home alone I just turned my music up super loud and stronger sh t out of it I rock my bedroom mirror at ii'm for me reddit is more than just a diversion for all my years of mandatory schooling remaining silent in the classroom this is like finally being able to raise my hand being able to express myself and have my existence acknowledged brief exchange by brief exchange is thrilling and new to me I love ASMR but I don't think that's something I could talk to my friends and family about in public masturbating to the picture is not embarrassing I see no mention of you acting on what was a blatant signal that she wanted to get pounded while wearing the socks if that's how it happened that's what should embarrass you I was talking to this girl and our conversation went to fetishes and I told her I had a semi fetish with long socks we laughed it off until the next day where she texted me guess what I found it was her legs and feet in red long socks I saved that picture and told her it looked good the real truth I don't think I'd ever gotten as aroused as I did at that moment I saved that picture and jerked off to that picture for such a long time um um so I guess I'd admit that I have masturbated frequently to a picture of feet inside of read long socks you broke my heart for as long as it took me to read this that's an impact you don't realize the impact you make daily I'm sorry you are going through this you can always PM me I'm up always here on reddit Hannah so feel free if you ever just want to shoot the [ __ ] talk about your day whatever dude edit this is an open invitation for anyone feeling shitty ever for like a month I followed that pacifier necklace fad in school it arrived to my school much later than everywhere else and my group of friends started doing it and I followed I found it a couple of months ago and realized I had completely blocked it from my mind when I was about six years old f my sister ate and I used to play massage and then just like the pornos it transitioned into sexy time it was consensual on both ends and it happened for about two years until she started going through puberty I'm now sixteen she is 18 and has a fiance he's the only other person in the world besides us that knows about this I will never tell a living soul besides y'all [Music]

Channel: Reddit Jar

Views: 77,182

Keywords: reddit, r/AskReddit, ask reddit, askreddit, updoot, toadfilms, sir reddit, reddit jar, askreddit funny, askreddit dumb, reddit ama, reddit ask me anything, r/askreddit, reddit stories, reddit story, askreddit scary, askreddit stupid, scary stories, askreddit new, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, askreddit top posts, subreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, askreddit stories, best of reddit, reddit best, funny askreddit, storytime with reddit, r/

Id: 9nfzrgTKC1k

Length: 30min 34sec (1834 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 22 2020