Waiters Share Their Best Comebacks To A Rude Customer (AskReddit)

waiters slash servers of Reddit what is the best clap back you've delivered to a root customer way back in the day when I worked in foot service we had a customer who got a salad and when she was finished placed one of her hairs in the bowl in order to get it refunded and got the complimentary I'm sorry free bakery item she did this every day finally that he M sat down at her table and told her this was her last day eating in the cafe they would refuse her refund today and refused her service in the future she started to say something about the customer always being right and he just put up a hand to cut her off and said you caused us to lose money every day you're absolutely not our customer you are a liability and you are no longer welcome here live in a small town worked in a fish and chip shop one of two in the town we were a tourism town and one of the main attractions was the award-winning fish and chips top five in the county while I was there people in the town believed we were in massive competition with the other shop we weren't we had 25 plus staff they had around 7:00 to 8:00 and we were serving thousands more customers than them per week or even per day in summer so on the rare occasion whenever a customer got angry they would simply exclaim well I'm going to insert supposed competitors name here instead and I won't be back like it was a big deal and would really hurt our feelings Lash business we would simply tell them that we don't want them back and they should enjoy the food from the other shop we own both shops I was a witness to her son and owning that I get giddy thinking of buddy of mine serving a table and the kid is around 8 to 10 gives her an adult glass for her apple juice dad pipes up and says he doesn't want her having all that sugar so he needed to take it away and come back with a kid sized one my friend replied that the glasses are the same size the adult size just looks bigger because they have thick bottoms the dad responds that the adult glass is clearly bigger and like I said I don't want her to have all that sugar my buddy is an [ __ ] he gives a super deliberate exaggerated nod says nothing and marches to a little service alley behind the bar re-emerges with the kids cup said sit down beside the glass picks up the glass and pours the adult glass lifting it progressively higher until the last drops he drops from like a foot over the glass and adds the [ __ ] off to the kitchen without even looking at the guy like didn't even exist I died not at a restaurant but by their having education week lady snapping fingers - student employee tell me where the Marriott center is student employees snapping back try again bunch of drunks making a mess wasting our time and harrassing other tables me the manager has decided all off you need to leave we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone and your behavior warrants it loudest drunk [ __ ] it we are never gonna come back to this [ __ ] me that's exactly the point please leave served in Muskoka Ontario years ago lots of celebrities in the area for the summer served Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn burgers Martin Short dan Aykroyd etcetera had a local nobody who thought he was a big [ __ ] celebrity would never tip and would always crumpled up both copies of the visa bill into a tiny little ball even she wanted till it was the size of a spit ball so this asshat comes in with a bunch of friends and treats them all to supper six hundred dollar bill crumples up the visa bills again into the tiny little ball and flicks it at me with a grin on his face I swiftly kick it off the patio and into the lake our patio is on he sees this and says in front of the table guess you won't know what your tip is now I tell the table flat out he never tips anyway so no loss and walk away they leave I call the police on a dime and - because there is no evidence this guy paid it's in the lake now and I deleted the preauth from the debit machine cops go to this guy's house and make him return to the restaurant to pay he wasn't an [ __ ] ever again woman complained about her cocktail saying she couldn't taste the alcohol could we make it stronger it was already a double but we added a splash she still couldn't taste it could we add more she was obviously drunk when she arrived and angling to get more drunk as cheap as possible which is why I took her cocktail apologized that it wasn't to her liking and said I'd take it off her bill effectively cutting her off for the night work for a moving company customers always get mad when we don't have the equipment available for them when they show up last-minute with no reservation well I'll just go to competitors name would always reply with exact directions great they are a block north on the right side you can't miss em never failed to get a disgusted scoff but we would always see them again in an hour or so to set up a reservation when competitors didn't have any equipment either we have sweet biscuits with icing on top every weekend this lady comes in wants them fresh with extra icing but every time something is wrong the main complaint being it's too cold probably due to the extra rice and being on top of it which we have told her Oh Pete idli well this last time she came in we give her the biscuit fresh out the oven loaded down with icing and she still says it's cold the manager tells her the only way to get it any hotter would be to melt the icing in the microwave which we refused to do the lady has a conniption demanding to know why my manager got lover says because sugar is hotter than the seven sons of hell when it's heated up like that and no matter how much you deserved it I be damned if I give you an excuse to have a lawsuit against us table of ten Sunday brunch fancy restaurant I'm hung over a crowd swarms in an opening and my whole section is sat at once I'm efficient and cool I'm used to this I get to the big table and preface that water as being brought as we speak then begin taking everyone's drink order as I'm taking orders around the table one woman blurts out that she wants water and not to forget the water interrupting her friends and family as they make their requests I acknowledge her each time until after the fourth time saying if you ask for water again I'll make sure everyone here gets water but you she sinks back in her chair looking dumbfounded and I go put in the order then head to the I'm quite feminine for a guy I don't mind what people say or think about me so I get confused for gay sometimes that it's important for later as I was working as cashier a guy just went to me and started to say and I'm quoting him I don't understand how many gay people works in this restaurant I don't even know if I want to eat here anymore lots of my co-workers again the way he said was not exactly kindly so when his meal was ready nobody wanted to give it to him so I just did what any sane person would do in my position I took his meal and you bet I [ __ ] became a [ __ ] Disney Princess for like five minutes straight walking like a model calling him sweet names being extremely touching and giving him the best attention I could it was so fun I had more than one of these encounters since I worked as a waiter for quite a while I remember a Karen wanting a sincere apology after insulting and berating one of my best friends there and since I was the one in charge I had to do it so with the biggest smile I've had put on I went to her and said I'm so sorry for all the things my Kalka did to you we all here know a lady like you deserves different so let me help you she was smiling like the crazy but she was thinking she won but then I added let me go with you to the door so you could find a restaurant that serves your kind since you are not welcome here anymore she was funning I still remember his face law then as she was leaving I said something like I hope you have a day as wonderful as you deserve she complained to management but since I was always the good guy at work and my co-workers didn't say a thing they let it pass I worked at a restaurant in my hometown for years and the most common rude thing customers would pull was lifting their empty cup with ice in it and shaking it at me implying they needed a refill my response was always the same are you making music or did you need something use your words Schatz I am NOT your dog not at a restaurant but as a parking attendant at a ski resort I was allowed to clap back the best one went like this guy why can't I just park there me because we have a bunch of school buses full of kids coming later and we need to reserve this space for them guy but I'm a good drive at Mon there's no parking anywhere else me yes there is you'll just have to walk a little bit further from your car to the left guy but I don't want to me too bad leads for the bathroom and comes back finding guy and family getting ready where I told them not to part guy smirks at me me fills out a parking ticket and places it on his windshield in front of him guy hey what the hell man me move your car now or I'll tow it to not a server that I had a few when I worked at at the Comcast retail center one guy in particular came in heart and was adamant that we doubled his bill I look into his billing history and lo and behold he hasn't paid in two months I point this out to him and say let's be real you haven't paid in two months we are both white and I guess my use of the phrase be real triggered something in him because now he's complaining that I have shitty customer service and I should go work for McDonald's instead I immediately respond but then where would you work I know Comcast is evil and all but taking money from that [ __ ] made my entire [ __ ] week I once saw an extremely rude guy picking on waitresses and just being a total dick there was however one male waiter whom he promptly summoned guy another beer waiter sorry no more left guy horseshit bring me the [ __ ] beer waiter no more left for you he then walked off leaving the guy to himself the rude dude then left the place quietly to my great surprise maybe not the most powerful comeback but it was a mousse into watch I was working the counter at a ski resorts cafe this teenage douche came up with french fries and said that he didn't bring any money so could he just have them for free I said nope he said but I'm a good customer and I said okay but fries are for paying customers and proceeded to take them away from him and pop one in my mouth right in front of him he had nothing to say to that but his friend cracked and apologized for him when I turned around all of my co-workers were in awe of how perfect the moment was hosts add me a table with a couple and their toddler the two sat on the same side of the booth kissed etc so I knew they were a couple but the woman looked much older like she looked terrible I am sure it was drug abuse of some kind but it was noticeable so she's super rude to me the entire time she asked for her eggs over-easy hard our conversation went like this me ma'am your eggs can be over easy which is kind of runny or over hard where they're fully cooked Oh bless your heart you have no idea do you me ma'am huh why don't you get me a real server and he can make my eggs the way I like them me euhh ma'am I know how eggs are cooked over easy hard doesn't tell me anything do you want them over medium how hard is your job honestly how hard is it to just serve people eggs I've had it I gave her order to the cook and of course he asked me what she meant I told him to just make them over medium as I felt like that was what she meant I gave her the eggs and she sighed real heavy I'm sorry was my order too hard did ya not understand me what the hell kind of place is this that nobody can make me eggs I took a deep breath and said this ma'am I apologize to you your son and your grandson let me go ahead and comp your meal her face twisted up and got so red I thought it was going to pop off of her face this is my husband and that's my son Oh HH boy it was so worth it where is your manager I need your manager right now I got my manager he yelled at me in the office but couldn't prove that I was purposefully disingenuous so I didn't even get written up it was awesome kind of a long one working in a resort guest is a type of [ __ ] that thinks he's fat loss' you know the type obviously has to be the group leader of a table full of 4 to 5 other dudes during my spiel I tell the table we are out of a certain thing I don't remember or why I start taking the tables order and get to him tars I'll have the thing me as I said sir we are out of thing tars maybe I'll just call my good friend general manager and they'll find some for me me you're more than welcome to do so but the number on the business card you picked up at the front is an office number not their personal phone also they are the one that just told me we are out of thing maybe if you call general manager in advance to let your good friend know you were coming we could have held some back specially for you now this may not seem all that destructive but to this guy at this table full of his colleagues it was [ __ ] brutal he tried to save face but it failed so [ __ ] hard tars well if you can't keep your food in stock then we probably should have gone somewhere else to eat the gauntlet has been thrown down me that's an excellent idea sir would you like me to check if there is a Table three a tarts teak house tars yes maybe then I can get some food he starts talking to the other guys in the group like somehow we are in the wrong here they are all just looking at him like he's a total [ __ ] [ __ ] because he is I go to the phone call the steakhouse and ask if they have space for one they do but back to the table me you'll be happy to know sir that our steek house is able to accommodate you and we'll have a table waiting when you arrive tars in the county Steve I see can muster which is nowhere near as kunti as I could be thank you for some kind of service he turns to the rest of the table let's go guys me I'm sorry sir I was under the impression you would be dining alone and didn't ask if they could take a party this size I assumed they'd be dining with us seeing as they all ordered items we have available the guide just looks dumbfounded and while he's standing there trying to process this [ __ ] one of the tubes at the table chimes in DT don't worry about it tarz head on down there we'll meet up at resort bar for drinks later tarz grabs his drink says nothing walks out he hits the door and the rest of the table goes into that quiet water [ __ ] laughs that only men of a certain agent income bracket are able to do properly the kind that lets you know this is funny now but come Monday that motherfucker's world is going to be slightly different in many many small ways the evening continues yes this should happened yes I have more stories yes I really [ __ ] miss that job anyway the evening continues and sometime after I take that table there desert my general manager pulls me aside GM what the hell happened I spent the last half hour getting yelled at by some guy that says you were super rude to him I give GM a quick rundown we did not have what the gentleman wanted so I made him a reservation at the steakhouse end of story I have no idea why he would possibly be upset his co-workers over a table number are having a great time GM goes over to their table and starts talking to them presumably starting with how their meal was and ending with what happened with the other guy that I saw with you it was [ __ ] beautiful they had my back the whole way they threw him so far under the bus for acting like a dick he rolled out the other side and got hit by a semi in the next Lane over they were nothing but complimentary to me which was a nice bonus GN came back over and told me everything seemed fine with them shrugged it off and went back to doing whatever GM's do for anyone had actually read this far just take this bit of information and carry it with you always nothing infuriates shitty humans more than someone doing exactly what they want done monkey poor style

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Views: 642,682

Rating: 4.9122987 out of 5

Keywords: best comebacks, rude customer, rude customers, rude customers get what they deserve, comebacks, best comebacks to rude customers, reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, emkay, ToadFilms

Id: yV6vYaaXVvQ

Length: 17min 5sec (1025 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 21 2019