[Vinesauce] Vinny's Cousin: The Full Story

so I've determined that I have a cousin I guess I guess he's technically my cousin but I have a relative that is pretty much conservative Stefan from Saturday Night Live allow me to explain it's a weird fella these of this guy is very weird first of all he has no neck and he's very wide the neck is non-existent very very wide he used to be a bodybuilder now he's just he's Punxsutawney Phil down in afraid of no lizards so I'll tell you the story of what happened because I found it to be bizarre and amusing a few nights ago I get a phone call I didn't recognize the number it's my cousin right and I barely ever see this guy like seriously I don't even it's been years it's been asked it's been so long and I pick up the phone like hello he's like hello it's your cousin I won't say his name come outside I'm outside so I said okay what item did I just get by the way did I get the compass it did so I'm like all right so I guess he's outside sure fair enough so I go outside sure enough he's outside I haven't seen the guy in years and suddenly he's just outside my house like completely nonchalant completely you know just like it's normal like oh okay I haven't seen you in a while so we're talking you know and we're having a conversation about something or other and and then he's like you know he's telling me like okay how's the family blah blah blah and he's like a really conservative like he's he every day there's a new article about how Obama is is basically ruining everyone's lives so he's one of those you know it's it's like regardless of political beliefs it's it's so much that you just don't want to hear it like I'm not a political person by nature I don't want to hear it I don't care so I just avoid anyway he then switched as he tells me like hey he's like this is the best part you got to come down to my cousin's club it's called push or whatever it is I don't remember the name of it I'm like oh okay and now keep in mind guys for the past seven years he's been trying to get me to go to his cousin club and I tell him every time I don't Club I don't go clubbing he's like come on you got to go you got any friends that have girls like you can bring them anyway it's in Manhattan we got to go he's like it's they got everything and it's just like Stefan he's like New York's hottest club is push there's midgets there's Frank footers there's Frankenstein's there's Frank and beans everything but the way he says it every time he's got his own twist and this club has gone through so many different names he was you know are you Ben you got to come to my cousin's club with me we'll get some women he's married by the will get some women you know it's called status quo or something stupid like something stupidly edgy and I'm just like thinking to myself I I can't convince this man that I don't club he's like I know but you got come anyway I'll take you I haven't seen this guy in years and he's trying to get me to go to this club now years ago he would tell me all the B Lister's that would come to the club all right this is where it gets good so I remember years ago he was like then the club is great it was called like ecstasy at this point or something stupid you got to come to ecstasy Eva Mendes I'm like who's that it's like Ava Mendes was at the club Oh gorgeous beautiful like who the [ __ ] is Ava Mendes so he tells me who Ava Mendes is and I'm like okay I guess I guess that's cool I don't really give a [ __ ] about these people I don't you know I'm not starstruck just because someone's good-looking you know I don't know what else she's done she is she a model I still don't know to this day I don't care point is I'm not impressed and then then he rattles off over the next few years every time I hear about this club it's got a new name you know but often you got to come to spaceship it's amazing and like he rattles off these B Lister's and like these models and I'm just like dude I'm not impressed like seriously I don't care you know so finally um you know after all the be Lister's finally finally he tells me this is the end of the story so I'll get back to Zelda in a second finally he tells me the other day he's like then the club is going great it's called fairy tale or whatever he's like Madonna was there and he was like I'm like white really Madonna I was like wow she's actually got talent I said that like cuz I remembered the years of the Ava Mendez's and the various other be Lister's and he's like come on Madonna's beautiful she's still gorgeous alright so he's not talking about her singing he's talking about the way she looks fine fair enough and then he shows me an article and I'm not going to get into too much detail but let's just say the article was not very flattering for the club it was something about how Madonna was trying to like like it was just she was telling them to stop doing something and they wouldn't stop doing it and he's showing me this like it's a badge of honor I don't think Madonna is ever going back to that Club but yet it didn't stop him from bragging about it so finally he ends the night and he tells me well you know again he's like vind if you got any hot friends you know bring them to the club I'm like again dude you know it's not going to happen thank you though I appreciate it anyway I got to get going it's great to see you I wish you well tell your family I said hello so I get going I'm headed over to trivia night is the night I did trivia and he calls me up again and he says hey VIN are you still uh you still into Star Wars I'm like I guess I'm into Star Wars he's like you got to come over you got to see my action figures that I custom-built he was like I custom-built Han Solo with a bacta tank and I'm just like I'm I'm I'm driving and I'm talking to this man on speakerphone trying really hard not to laugh like I'm trying so hard not to laugh about this but I can't help it so I'm like okay it's a back tank and this is real I'm not making this up this is a real [ __ ] story by the way so I'm like okay so he's like yeah I got a Millennium Falcon custom Lando Calrissian I did the painting and everything he's like oh you gotta come over you would love this I'm like you know yeah yeah all right okay you know Star Wars I still like Star Wars and I do you know but I'm not that obsessive about it and then he tells me finally that that we got to go into business he's like working we're gonna go into a business together by the way this man has proposed more business plans to me then I've ever heard in my entire life from one person and they've all gone nowhere but the one that he proposed to me was that we would go business partners specifically to sell custom Star Wars figures he's like oh you know you can help me make them I'm like no dude I really don't I was like listen I don't have any experience you know making models I was like that's all you I was like if you need someone to you know like deliver them maybe I can do that and I'm just trying really hard not to make this awkward because it already is awkward and that was the end of it like I just was like okay you're driving or I'll let you go and that was it that's what my cousin he's he's he's insane he is absolutely insane he's in his 40s by the way anyone was curious but um yeah so that's that's my story that's the end of it I I to this day I have decided not to go into business with him you know it just doesn't seem like a particularly lucrative field my my other cousin and I pretty much we always had a laugh about him he's a good guy I mean don't get me wrong he's got a good heart you know he cares about his family he's not a he's not a horrible person he's funny you know I mean I've known this for years and my other cousin who was actually my real first cousin and I always used to have jokes about the club like Ava Mendez that was the thing that we used to say to each other every now and then just just to remind ourselves of how ridiculous this club thing was but I mean the club is real supposedly I mean I don't know I guess it's not real until I see it but yeah I guess stuff pretty pretty uneventful story ole and all but there do cares about his family married let's go pick up chicks um yeah well when I say his family I think I'm more mean his relatives let's put it let's put it in that in that in those terms what if I finally said yes and there was no Club oh my god that would be I'll be devastating guys what if after all these years I give him a call out of nowhere and I get some of my best looking female friends and I say to him I'm ready let's go let's do this dude I'm ready for the club do you think he would backtrack like cuz he says he would hook me up and give me all kind of deals and [ __ ] but I don't think that would happen between between you and I Vinnie you have no female friends I have a few female friends Kip gosh it's like you're know me or something Vinnie you got to come to my club it's called erection New York's hottest club is erection it's got blood flowing through the veins it's got little white wooden soldiers it's got everything VIN you got to come to my cousin's club it's called fake it's called it's not real it's called I made this up for attention there's what electro squid said there's nothing worse than someone being outside your house saying come see me I don't mind it and you know if I'm getting in advance notice like then I'll be by your house in 15 minutes great you know I'll see you in 15 minutes I'm okay with that I have time to put on some pants I don't have to feel guilty for making you wait outside yeah if you give me if you give me a little bit of warning I am happy to accommodate but if you're just going to show up at my house and you're just gonna say hey hey Star Wars figures then I'm gonna have a problem because I am going to feel guilty that you're out there in the cold you know now it's cold but you know I'm going to feel guilty that I'm making you wait while I'm trying to get pants on like what if I'm doing something important what if I'm like you know what if I'm spending some alone time with the Buffon's and then like you know but no you don't show up with people's houses you don't do that I'm sorry I'm getting distracted by my stories so if I'm doing extra horrible at this and people are getting pissed I'm sorry if I refuse I think you would leave but you know this isn't someone that understands life like this is a man who is not once thought about his own mortality not that that defines a person but you know like I don't think anything I don't think he's ever been anything other than a follower and some people are are very difficult you know like there's some people that don't pick up on social cues like I'm gonna show up at your house and if you don't like show up I'm gonna get offended but you know he's always been like that that's just how some people are I guess I don't let me let me ask a question I am thinking about little too deep into this you are correct but let me ask you guys a question would anyone here in either chat just randomly show up at a friend's house and then call them on the phone and say hey I'm here I guess the answer is kind of loaded considering in a way you would probably want to get to know if you know someone really well you might do that most people don't do that but I see a few people saying like they might if they really know the person I mean you know it depends I guess if it's like your boyfriend or your girlfriend maybe you would do that I guess custom custom-made figures exacto knife hot glue paint maroon maroon color number seventeen marooned Bespin Cloud City odd-looking duck am i okay no I'm I'm not all right uh I will be okay but the dungeon is doing this at this moment the longer I'm stuck in this dungeon the worse my commentary is going to get just be aware of that best bint Lobot Lando Calrissian right-hand man low boss custom-made custom-made to order Lobot Dexter jettster Star Wars [ __ ] hell sorry I'll stop that costume I'm stopping now for real like he asked he asked me if Empire Strikes Back he was like do you like that movie like yeah man that's only the best one oh that's good I made Luke Skywalker you know the funny thing about it is at this point in time there is like a figure of everything like he doesn't need to make customs anymore he can he can just buy them there's the Black Series there's tons of different series that have been released and yes I just said serieses I have an English degree it's fine I can do these things but you know then I'm thinking about it more and he enjoys it that's the that's the best thing in the world if you can find a hobby that you enjoy and you want to share with someone then who's better than you me guys maybe he he in fact it is maybe he has the key to happiness maybe deep down like all his clubbing and his custom Star Wars figuring maybe he knows something we don't know

Channel: Vaporeon

Views: 178,455

Rating: 4.9608212 out of 5

Keywords: Vinesauce, Vinesauce Vinny, Vinesauce Vinnys Cousin, Vinesauce Cousin story, Vinesauce story, Vinesauce compilation, Vinesauce Vaporeon, Vinesauce compilations, Vinesauce stories, Vinesauce Story Time, Vinesauce Ava Mendez, Ava Mendez, Vinesauce Joel, Vinesauce Jen, vinny's cousin, vinnies story, vinny story

Id: XSNi5UbDU6A

Length: 17min 37sec (1057 seconds)

Published: Sun May 14 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

That was god damn beautiful.