What's The Dumbest Rule That Your Office Has Implemented?

what is the most idiotic office policy you've seen suggested and/or implemented in my office they decided to make us wear pins that have a giant eye on them that's all just an eye we are supposed to wear them to see if anyone asks what the eyes for the eye isn't actually for anything specific we are supposed to make up positive eye words on the spot I crapped you not somehow our motto is whatever we make up as long as it starts with eye I think this is [ __ ] two jobs ago it's the middle of summer during a heatwave our office building is four floors high an old building that just soaks up the heat no central air each office is equipped with a crappy ancient air conditioner they do the job okay but not great so we have customers coming in going up to the second floor to be counseled and they each leave complaining about how warm it is in the building the branch manager sends out a memo everyone on the first floor is now required to keep their doors open for the summer our idea was that since cold air rises it will make the upper floors cooler implemented equals yes that's the same principle that keeps those cold air balloons flying I used to work at a place that had so many idiotic policies I've forgotten half of them but this one comes to mind once they decided that they needed to keep tabs on employees productivity it was essential apparently that the company owner be informed every hour on the hour of what each of the 70 plus employees had accomplished to ensure that this could be achieved said company owner assigned six six people to check up on everyone no they were not assigned a certain portion of the employees to check on every one of the six people was assigned to check on all of the employees so employees had to report their progress six times every hour for eight or more hours per day production ceased I had a boss who wanted to implement a three dollar charge for any typing or other error made although I was his entire office staff and it all sales typing of invoices for hundreds of customers a month I quit reply that you'll happily pay a penalty of three dollars for any error above the average for others in your position as long as you get a three dollar bonus for every error you avoid versus that average boss you know how other website of music play when you go to them is it possible fo me number we're not doing that boss why not me we're a company that works in the construction trades when I send email to a certain co-worker a friend of the boss he demands I also print out a copy of the email and place it in his mailbox this way he can read the printed email before he decides if he wants to read the emailed email request he puts a printed read receipt in your mailbox actually implemented my old job was that a man and a woman could not ride in the car together alone on the way to a meeting lunch or other work function what happens in the car stays in the car for the sake of this story my name is Danny and I work at verses corporation I told my boss at our at aol.com email addresses were a little embarrassing I suggested we get business addresses like Danny at ziz dot-com or Danny at ziz dot org he said he'd work on it after a few weeks he issued new email addresses to everyone I'm now able to be reached at you guessed it Dan notices at aol.com how not to perform a general layoff one day the company decided to let a bunch of people go what I did was to use the PA system to call each person to the conference room after a couple people went in the secret was out from that point forward if you heard your name on the PA you and everybody else knew it was boots Ville and no I was never called but a couple good friends were we regret to announce the following layoffs in alphabetical order Simpson Homer that is all our office had a no pooping policy seriously we all got on them Oh from our bot and there was a notice tacked up in our bathroom the only bathroom was close to where we all worked and someone complained about noxious smells interfering with their work the letter was hilarious because my manager kept trying to use official sounding euphemisms for poke I guess if you really had to go then you would have to find another bathroom where my cell works they've implemented a raffle ticket system each morning when one arrives at work you receive three raffle tickets each at the end of every day there is a raffle usually the prizes sweets food et Cie however every time you leave your desk during the day to pee smoke get water stretch your legs kill a dog any reason you lose a raffle ticket so those who stay at their desks all day long are more likely to win oh and also you have to put your hand up and ask for permission to go to the toilet you have to put your hand up and ask for permission to go to the toilet that's frickin infantile I feel sorry for your so no adult should have to put up with crap like that interoffice email is strictly prohibited we could all use the exercise so basically when I ask a co-worker to do something and it fails to happen there is no electronic record of it email people for this exact reason documentation I worked in the supply room and we had to lock up whenever we left fine then the bosses decided to hand out keys to most of the employees so they could get in when we weren't there they could never understand why the hard inventory count never matched what was in the computer they made us take all documents including family pictures and work-related documents from our cube walls yup freaking clean desk policy when I worked at a local library the new management that was put there to clean up the place we'd make old management to quit retire banded staff from reading magazines somewhat understandable and books during slow times we're talking when there are no lines and all library is pretty much empty so in short if you worked in that library you were not allowed to read there will be no origami foldings in the office happened after I turned an old build sheet on extra-large paper into a very large crane where the boss came by smashed it demanded you know who did it co-worker covered thankfully and sent an email to the entire department informing us that paper cranes were strictly prohibited this policy makes perfect sense once I was working on a skyscraper construction site someone folded a crane out of paper one of the crane operators grabbed it in the morning instead of a real crane needless to say when he lifted his first 20-ton bar into position it came crashing down killing about 10 people I used to work at a call center surveys collections etc the IT department instituted a policy wherein all the computers must be locked when not in use to help enforce this policy after five minutes of inactivity all computers automatically lock meanwhile on the call center floor the director decided it would be a good use of money to buy two plasma TVs to hang on the wall ostensibly so the agents can see the how miracles are waiting on hold but mostly to look pretty when clients visit these televisions are connected to computers computers that automatically lock every five minutes my cubicle happened to be on the other side of a wall from one of these televisions so the computer for this television was in my cubicle with a mouse and keyboard no screen I was told my job duties now included shaking the mouse at least once every five minutes I may have successfully shaken the mouse as many as three times total for about a week every 15 minutes the call center director would barge into my cubicle shake the mouse and bang out the password on the keyboard and leave after that they bought a cordless keyboard mouse and gave someone who could see the screen the mouse shaking job to the best of my knowledge there is still someone whose job includes dropping what they are doing and shaking a mouse twelve times an hour tip take off your watch and put it under the mouse the second hand ticking around will register a tiny movement in the mouse's optical sensor our office dress code changes every month or so based on whatever this one fairly attractive girl wears the old ladies that manage the office end up banning anything that looks attractive on her even if they wear the same types of clothing of time we are getting too many complaints on the Corp complaint line stop giving the customers the number but please sleep faster we need the pillows if you need a calculator you have to buy it yourself it's not considered an office supply said to our warehouse manager yeah let's make him do math in his head and death happen from tree five dollars is just too much money one office I worked and has a separate blocked off section for HR while not unusual this section locked from the inside and known on HR person had access when I asked why this was they told me it was because they wanted to make sure people did not ask HR too many questions on office policy one place I works which shall remain nameless had a whole section of the office that was locked after hours only they were half walls not so much an idiotic policy but my dad managed a two-way radio shop for a city and required that if any of his employees were late mostly more than 15 minutes they had to stop and get doughnuts for everyone else like when they are already 20 minutes late they knew to stop at the grocery and get a box of doughnuts they brought in Donuts and he for the most part didn't do write-ups for people being late it seems like a good policy to me except that one guy who always was late and knew he always would be so he just kept a box of the cheaper day-old doughnuts in his car and brought in Donuts about every day I used to work at a movie theater with only one screen old school between movies we didn't have much we could do so we'd clean our little snack area clean the bathrooms and monitor the projector then kind of wait around for the movie to end the boss one day suggested that of the three staff members two would be sent home while the movie was playing then they would come back 15 minutes before I would end they would obviously have to clock out when they went home I laughed in her face another one but not a policy at one of my retail jobs there were cameras installed and a few employees got in trouble for standing at the counter for too long were no customers in the store but we needed to always be doing something management watched the video footage and wrote down warnings for the employees that were standing around now all employees stay in the camera blind spots we had to get rid of all plants because they fired a lot of the maintenance staff to save costs we were prohibited from using the company's water to keep the plants alive also all the washroom lights are on timers so when you're in the middle of a decent crap you have to finish in the dark they turn off after about thirty seconds I worked in a place with timers on the toilet lights but they worked on motion sensors yeah yeah motion to crap with the light on you had to flail your hands in the air like you were on fire we had an issue with an infected USB flash drive once so the office responded by closing all of the USB ports on all the computers with superglue genius tube of superglue is cheaper than software I guess kind of on the same subject we had a cheerleader type morale booster meeting and at the end of it the VP said he had a special treat for us upon which he brought out a container of kool-aid and proceeded to mix us all a batch of kool-aid so that we could drink the kool-aid TL DR kool-aid having to rain to view from my job that I interviewed for and got a few years ago because they changed my job title to give me a raise because they liked my work they told me I would get the job and they loved me but because it is a government job they have to interview for the new position so here they interviewed other people and got their hopes up only to hire me again my graduate school professor just told me a story of a health insurance company who decided to outsource and offshore their work to a company in India apparently they were handling their IT work a few months in the insurance company had some kind of huge volume of electronic files to process or be placed into a database anyways after getting a huge bulk load of work the company in India said this was too much work for the amount of money you guys are paying us we're going to have to charge you double our rate the company said no we have a contract it's bindings say you'll learn to deal the Indian company said fine we'll just upload all these private insurance and health documents all over the internet then the American company reminds them that according to HIPAA laws they aren't allowed to do that but the Indian then promptly reminds the insurance company that there is no HIPAA in India having to come dressed to work in a suit when you work in a cubicle and have little contact with anyone else throughout the day I'm with you however I was bonide a job at a Pizza Hut call center for whatever reason probably overqualified but looking through the premises I noticed people in pajamas sweatpants and bunny slippers it was like they weren't even trying he'll try to keep this short got stuck editing our exhaustive hundred page long emergency procedures manual itself abetik or I put zombie attack on it wrote up an entire procedure then put this is a satirical situation designed to test if you are actually reading this manual if you read this you are required to inform your supervisor you have done so mybottle cared didn't say anything the safety subcommittee Oh cared it didn't say anything it was passed at the Annual General Meeting by over fifty people who have three months to read if no one said a word i haven't-- worked there in three years and impulsive it's still in there that is freaking inspired I'm sure I can find the reason to use it I used to work for a cable company in central Alberta Canada that rhymes with Shore about three years ago all the security cameras were removed from the building and parking lot where we stored all the company vehicles overnight because some employee felt that big brother was watching the first night they'd remove them three vehicles including my personal vehicle were broken into I worked at a company where I would frequently be sending my boss files for review via email these were often Word documents she requested that I personally print them on the office printer in the middle of the wing far from my room and bring them to her for review she had a printer literally six inches away from for her monitor which she frequently used yet she would call me on the phone and make me get up walk across the entire office and hand her the document after I had already emailed it to her power tripping at its finest network her printer then printed from her printer ie6 as the only internet browser available protip you don't need admin privileges to install Chrome obviously your mileage may vary based on how good strict your admins are and even if it works this may violate your IT agreement so read the below comments and proceed with portion salary employees being required to clock in and out each day last job we had a meeting and my boss I use that term loosely said that in order to save the company money the staff needed to run in the halls to get where we were going faster freakin brilliant where I used to work we would go through a case off paper in a week this was too much paper the boss said so every time we needed a ream we had to sign one out with the office manager meanwhile in the warehouse thousands of dollars worth of company merchandise was left out in the open best part is about two years after I left one guy was arrested for embezzlement he was taking items little by little for years and then selling them on his own great job management I got it one piece at a time and it didn't cost me a dime you'll love this one guys I used to be in the US Air Force stationed at Kelly AFB in San Antonio TX our building was on a remote section of the base with a lawn outside that regularly needed watering we were to start the sprinkler every day of 3 p.m. and run it for two hours daily no matter what unfortunately this also applied to when rain was pouring down outside so imagine running outside in the pouring rain to start a series of water sprinklers and running back out two hours later again in the rain to turn it off and this continued after we pointed out the absurdity of it all ah there's days of youth this Ison her policy as such but definitely the most idiotic thing I've have said to me in an office I was working a seasonal data input job one summer around 1997 to 1998 can't remember exactly pallets of apples went to the warehouse was scanned on arrival and departure and our job at the office was to update all this there were three of his temps there doing this and the monitors were at such a small resolution that the database app would only show 13 rows at a time we were only allowed to copy the 13 that were on screen and shifts them to the next screen me being bored one day up the resolution to 1600 something and could fit about 60 rows on screen showed the other two temps how to do this and smash through our work so we all got chewed out for this only 13 rows at a time or we will not have enough work to keep us busy : I was clerking once and a managing partner made sure everyone received a stack of peel and stick labels to wear daily those hi my name is labels this was supposedly to ensure that all of the senior partners knew the Clarkes names which they did without trouble it was really for him and it never worked because he never once caught on to us changing the names on our labels every day I was even Bob for a few days combo I was even Bob for a few days I'm not sure but I'm making you a girl person in my head to make this story even funnier a uk-based company I worked for a few years back decided it needed to cut costs rather than starting small-scale it decided to offshore its IT and marketing departments to South Africa where the owners came from and we already had a small office they announced this to us in May and immediately laid off half the IT department myself and other senior developers were kept on to ensure a smooth handover they felt the move would be over by the end of July and we'd all be working elsewhere however in order to stop us from walking straight away they offered to pay us extra for those two months we said we didn't think they could perform the move that fast but they were sure they could our IT manager headed straight out to SAR to start setting things up leaving the department pretty much unwatched productivity died it became a competition to see who could take the longest lunches a friend and I got almost four hours we went to the cinema in the pub sure enough the end of July rolls round and no end is in sight we are offered a two-month extension on the increased pay also three others are picked to her go to sign August to train our replacements two weeks later I arrived out there to find my replacement is yet to be hired after a month of interviews we find someone but they can't start for another month I head back to the UK for that month before flying back out to surf for another five weeks stint being paid UK wages whilst working in South for ten weeks was an absolute riot in the end I finish up my job at the start of December four months later than planned a lot fatter and a lot richer TL DR a full management at my company spent a fortune trying to save money but I had a great time , a spur regional direction we will remove Mott sill of Firefox from all XXX systems effective today the software isn't supported due to various security vulnerabilities which present a security risk to the network c'mon xxx all installations of matza la products will be uninstalled from all workstations and laptops that have Firefox as an optional internet browser to ensure that all mudsill of authorities and settings are transferred to Internet Explorer we've provided the attached instructions please make sure that transfer is complete by Thursday cob as this information will be lost upon uninstall , as a reminder all users who are using xxx 6x and xxx are only authorized to use Internet 6 if you are using Lotus Notes 7x you may use Internet Explorer 7 at this time Internet Explorer 8 is not supported on the xxx Network and systems found with this package will have the browser removed and replaced with the appropriate browser please be advised that Internet Explorer is the only support browser on the xxx Network last time I read that the shared printer was spewing out resumes every chair must be kept at the same height as the boss's chair never mind the other five people this affects our six eight inches taller than said boss this is for the five minutes a month the boss might have to use your kiosk I'm going to develop a back problem ergonomics lawsuit in the making I worked for a company where my primary job was to feed athletes on an extended bicycle tour I was not allowed to socialize with the athletes but I was not allowed to tell them that I was not allowed to socialize with them we shared campgrounds and were essentially exposed to each other in close quarters for upwards of 10 hours a day I am a friendly guy too my manager was with us and watched us like a hawk if we were asked questions we were to dodge them if we were asked to go into town for a group event or for a drink or to go to a restaurant on a day off we were to lie and say we were doing something else my manager yelled at me on an almost daily basis for something as simple as maintaining a dialogue of small talk most people figured out on their own this ridiculous policy and most people who did figure it out said they won t be coming back to do another tour with our company for some weird tax quota reason an office sided temp work for a few years ago had a bird as an employee literally a parrot in a cage in a cubicle in accordance with whatever policy was in place it had its own email address at company name comm and someone made it business cards as a joke the boss always got really edgy when people brought it up and tried to shrug laugh it often between deliberately complicated explanations but yet I once knew a guy who had to spend a year dead for tax reasons PRNDL emails then frickin file them they're easier to search that way this thread is a scam perpetrated by Scott Adams looking for new material if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

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Keywords: idiotic office policy, office policy, worst office policy, office policy templates, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: QQ_4VLA8WUk

Length: 24min 23sec (1463 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 15 2020