Turning Watermelon Into Meat

hey hi it's me the ceo of catwarehouse.com we got items like this right here oh god can't forget this one right here that's a crowd pleaser crowd favorite my mind oh this is my personal favorite shirt right here i could wear this seven days straight without washing it and this is my wife's favorite god wrestler so she's still alive i just she's lost in the warehouse we've got fantastic deals for you when you run a business that's operated entire entirely by felines sometimes things go wrong and last week sharon in accounting put an extra zero in the spreadsheet maybe two hours in the spreadsheet we've got way too many t-shirts the fire marshal came in this morning and told us that we need to get rid of a lot of this inventory they're gonna shut us down we will oblige to your demands no matter how unreasonable according to him if the building catches on fire like there's no way to get out so we're having a fire safety sale please buy some stuff to commemorate the fire safety sale we've created a fire safety t-shirt so you can remember for the rest of your life this fire safety sale at catwarehouse.com oh we employ literal cats please come down to the cat warehouse and buy some stuff help us clear out the fire exit the intern at the bottom of the webpage has been trying to open a pickle jar for like the past three months he's having a lot of trouble if you can help him out help him open up that pickle job you might get yourself a body fine discount thank you guys for supporting the channel by buying shirts on catwarehouse.com i've been saving the money up to buy something really epic that's going to be in the next video meat you eat it with every meal but there's a problem look how damn cute they are they just startled them is it us i think it's your bright pink tank you probably already know this but in case you don't meat comes from animals not like milk where it comes out of the animal meat is the animal you can't extract meat without killing them has anyone actually tried this like i've seen dogs with three legs could you not cut like a part of the animal off and it survives your dog's missing a leg and it's doing totally fine right yes an animal can survive only with three legs i mean the saying is that dogs are three-legged animals with one leg extra so if you had an animal with four legs and you took one of the legs off it would be fine most likely depending on the size of the dog and what leg it is wait are you gonna take the leg could you imagine taking a slice one of those things and putting it between two pieces of bread and then eating it i can and i did for a long time maybe if they were less cute people would not feel as bad eating them you just can't eat one of god's fellow creatures what about plants do they scream when you kill them ian and i decided to shun meat for a couple of days to prove to ourselves and the world that animals can be our friends instead of food so we set up a picnic next to our new pals and prepared a vegan feast fit for a king to life unburdened by barbed wire fences cheers look at them out there mooing glomping the rules are simple no food that an animal died for so today's lunch is tofu blocks with soy sauce it's not the same as meat when you have flavor it really starts tasting like meat and as long as you get all your vitamins and minerals though like does it matter what it tastes like this really actually just makes me miss meat how do we get the flavor of meat without killing the animal i want a hamburger that nothing died for how to eat the meat without killing the meat no more soy i'm not going to eat you i'm not eating you eat queefs not meat yeah yeah what we need to find a meat alternative what can we use to replicate the meat flavor it's got like kind of irony blood maybe it's like what would be like a good blood alternative maybe chlorophyll chlorophyll that's like lettuce though straight from the plant if we keep doing this we really should get a second helmet mushrooms have meaty undertone yeah we're clear there's no cars coming you need any more of a push i didn't i'm not sure that's how these work we're still clear we're clear on the we're clear on the left and we're clear on the right [Music] i found this article the other day watermelon burgers must be seen and tasted to be believed that's kind of a stupid dinosaur but the thumbnail really caught my eye because this is just something i have never really seen before a piece of watermelon in between two pieces of bread is there any way that resembles meat i think it does if you didn't say watermelon burgers up at the top i'd be like oh that's sort of a fancy burger it looks like fish though it looks like a big yeah big slab i know some antsy readers out there simply can't wait to lecture me about how watermelons should never be grilled and called burgers that's myopic nonsense based on macho barbecue logic whoa what does myopic mean myopic nearsighted why don't you just say that just like beef burgers and hot dogs grilled watermelon is delicious on its own but becomes even more exciting when you play around with topping grilling watermelon is awesome the first time i tried it i was so astounded that my body filled up with the sort of wondrous glee i feel after seeing a magic trick she's full of [ __ ] it sounds like kind of someone like a high schooler middle school writing we're going to teach you about descriptive writing today in class right you just pick random just start you're comparing things that should never be compared you're out of school thank god i never have to do this [ __ ] again and you have to do it to pay your rent this time we're not flaming you allison we're we have empathizing allison robitussin we're gonna see if you are full of it or not on this episode of are you full of it or not are you a dirty lying journalist i guess there's only one way to find out grill it smoke it choke it we're moving our workstation to the backyard but now we have to come back for our second trip we're in the backyard now are you ready to prepare i'm ready to prepare watermelon oh whoa yours is so much bigger than mine it's like twice the length we should do what we'll have a cutting board we're going to use this table scary well listen we'll put down some freaking crap we'll put we'll wipe the watermelon juice not a single drop we compromised we're doing three experiments today we're gonna make the watermelon hamburgers from the the very good journalistic article we're gonna make watermelon glizzies and the finale is going to be watermelon pastrami which is currently sitting on that smoker right there we have high hopes for the watermelon pastrami the first thing we need to do for watermelon burgers is to remove the shell is it like what they say about potatoes like the crust is half the nutrition and slice the watermelon into thick burger-sized patties did you wash your hands cut no yeah [Music] is there a penis no it's a glitzy i uh ooh i mean just the fact that you're saying that has made me kind of ill to my stomach i know what venus looks like i know what penis looked like it kind of looked like that it's yeah yeah you're gonna have to blur this whole thing watermelon glizzies are a little more complicated since they need to be cylindrical you want to cut rectangular strips of watermelon out and feed them through the apple coring tool be careful so the watermelon doesn't break it's pretty fragile when cut this thin so you might need to support it okay okay i need to start supporting it with my mouth because i'm running out of hands yeah you get the hole on there you go there you go even jiggles like a hot dog melon glizzy i don't know how i thought this was going any other way this is awesome this is a disaster this is great hi i'm furious guy and i'm brown alton and today we put the soy bacon boy with our watermelon meat let's get the heat building up inside once we've got ourselves enough heat we'll be able to clean the grill we're going to scrape all the old crusty stuff off because you don't want those crusties on your barbecue right brown alton yes absolutely if there's krusty's on your girl i'm going to tell you right now take her to obgyn the grill crust now that we're up to about 500 degrees temperature we're gonna want to clean the grill grease it up and throw our meat alternative on there kelsey where's the grill brush we don't have one we don't have a grill brush okay we should throw it on there following allison's recipe we're going to want to start by cutting an orange in half and grilling don't apply the knife to the orange apply the orange to the knife this is gourmet have you ever cooked dinner for yourself i cook eggs in the microwave just like mcdonald's they don't use the skillet no they don't have the time for that i like big thick sausage oh i feel the same pop down the gullet and comes out of you just the same way it went in that sounds like america yeah burgers are on the grill that means it's time for chef charade everybody's favorite segment we are chefs we're gonna perform a series of charade poses that's one word one word curled up baby fetus fetal uh dehydrated cooked fetus no it's on the grill no you give up oh really tired broccoli oh well fiery guys in the kitchen preparing the other ingredients for the sliders were furious guys that's what i said fiery guy ketchup i got your mustache already you're fooled you're not even gonna be able to see the watermelon oh once it's covered in ketchup don't don't actually go that hard i want to taste i want to taste it oh god you're one of those people yeah put some water in it i asked if you had ketchup and mustard and he said yes he pulls out an empty bottle of ketchup and chunky brown mustard she looks like a like a bird cracked on it i'm going to take a normal bite um oh interesting interesting okay it's got a little bit of a skin to it oh i just realized how much of the hot dog taste comes from the chip and the mustard yeah i think you could just put the bread in the ketchup and mustard together yeah forget the hot dog i wouldn't call that bad it's not bad but you could eat like three or four of those and you'd still be hungry oh we've got a nice healthy char this is the watermelon burger from allison what was it pepto-bismol's recipe it has goat cheese garlic it has fennel white wine vinegar salt pepper it has watermelon and ciabatta bread it sounds good oh and toasted orange juice [Music] that's not a hamburger at all that's worse than the hot dog it's worse than the hot dog honestly i'm kind of disappointed i'm very disappointed this more feels like some weird fruit sandwich i brought no watermelon spit it out spit it out i don't like hot watermelon i don't want that much dangly baby things aren't looking great on our quest to find a murder-free hamburger it's better than the burger however there is still one chance we can shut down these meat factories forever we have our very own recipe involving watermelon watermelon pastrami it's been a week in the making starting with the brining we're to be the top of yahoo news [ __ ] hey guys today i'm going to show you how to burn a watermelon you're going to need to remove the crust of your watermelon next boil some water in a pot add sugar and salt once you realize you're missing pink salt go to ralphs and buy pink salt pick up some ice too to cool the hot brine down immediately drop your ice to tenderize the crystals for better flavor turns out pink salt isn't literally pink salt i got the wrong salt and then mix in celery flakes garlic ginger pepper allspice then dump that thing into the boiling water don't forget to add one bay leaf and the tinge of the fungus that causes athlete's flu which i conveniently have even though i'm not an athlete explain that scientists brine your watermelon for like five days or something and then the smoking last night pastrami look at that doesn't it feel like you like you like stuck your hand into like a cow's leg yes it actually feels like there's a skin on the outside and now the rest of it which we're gonna figure out as we go yeah i concur i'm not really sure what more you could have added to that i'm sorry i'm not giving you much oh it's all good take out the meat slicer chop it into fine little meaty strips is that just going in here oh it's that looks very much like sandwich meat yes and then we're gonna grill those strips like you would pastrami do they do that i don't know probably not actually they don't let's just do it stop bumbling around let's just do it i'm planning i'm a very methodic person i like to plan things that we make so few videos yes but then your d your discord tag says you're just on hearthstone all day i i don't play hearthstone all the day 90 of the day i do this is going to taste amazing the chest it is so salty i'm not looking forward to it oh my god neat if i'm going to be completely honest with you watermelon pastrami is not that good oh i hate it i hate it i hate it however it is interesting and unique and something new on its own i'm wondering what would go well with that because i think something would go well with it i want to describe it as like a pickle or kimchi or some kind of cured fish what about on a like a cream cheese bagel salmon yeah locks yeah that'd be pretty good i think cut your watermelon into very thin slices and the whole time imagine what would happen if you slammed your hand into the blade get a bagel and cut it in half hamburger style then seductively open your cream cheese seductively scoop some cream cheese seductively smear some cream cheese pile high with watermelon and sprinkle a generous portion of capers on top of the watermelon i have literally no idea what capers are they're like these little like little pickle balls what do you think this looks legit actually looks like baby locks i think it's good i think that's the best case for meat watermelon just kind of like a sad bagels it's not bad and if somebody gave this to me i'd be like yeah it's okay the watermelon does it burger no does it glizzy no does it bagels and locks no ridge wallet is the sponsor of this video ridge makes minimalist wallets this is the tiniest pocket you know the little the the pocket pocket side pocket butt pocket this is the little tiny pocket the whole wallet fits in this the little pocket it holds up to 12 cards and cash using a little clip or a little strap let me show you my daily carry the fact that the cards are so small means you have plenty of room in your pants for other stuff like gravel in your left pocket or eggs in your right pocket flavors include gunmetal carbon fiber actually i don't i don't know what this one is and burnt titanium which is my favorite color it's i mean titanium and it's burnt those are like two of my favorite things no that's not a duck yes it's got actual titanium on there the titanium is incredibly strong and incredibly light will that help you with the wallet no but it looks hecking cool get 10 off your ridge wallet order today by going to ridge.com william and using the code william at checkout uh can i get uh four single cheeseburgers thanks for tuning in that's the end of the video i hope it was a good video i have a feeling it wasn't

Channel: William Osman

Views: 2,644,351

Keywords: laser cutter, william osman, crappy science, peter sripol, simone giertz, allen pan, colin furze, thehacksmith, michael reeves

Id: xLh9tQ42cf8

Length: 17min 2sec (1022 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 01 2020