- Oh. (giggles) Hello, Shane. It is me, your mental illness. (crowd laughing)
(harmonica ringing) (bell chiming) (splatting) - Have you ever had that feeling
where you try not to laugh? 'Cause that's what this is. This is "Try Not To Laugh." Good old fashioned, trying
not to laugh, with your boys. 30 seconds in the stool, if you
don't make the people laugh, You have to leave. - Forever. - Also, you gonna like
the way you subscribe, I guarantee it. All right.
- Do it, do it. - Let's do it. - Let's go! (yelling and clapping) (swooshing) - Hey Tommy, how you doin'? Oh, (beep) I'm gettin' a
call, I'm gonna pick this up and just put it on speaker,
let's see who it is. [Phone Kimmy] Hey, Kimmy. - Oh, hi. - [Phone Kimmy] It's me, Kimmy. - Oh, hi Kimmy. - [Phone Kimmy] So, listen girl. - Yeah, what's up? - [Phone Kimmy] I know
your self-esteem has been a little low, recently.
- yeah, that's private. - [Phone Kimmy] So, I
wrote you a super fire song - Aw.
- [Phone Kimmy] to hopefully help boost your self-confidence. - So sweet of me.
- [Phone Kimmy] And the song is about what makes
you, Kimmy Jimenez, so, - Yeah.
- [Phone Kimmy] sexy, but specifically you,
- Oh. - [Phone Kimmy] Kimmy Jimenez. - That's sweet. - [Phone Kimmy] And I hope you like it. - Yeah. - [Phone Kimmy] Bitch.
- Oh, bitch. (laughing) - [Phone Kimmy] You got big
ol' eyes, like a sexy fish, and your hair is horse-girl like - Oh, yeah. - [Phone Kimmy] I like that you're tall, and can reach stuff for me, and it's hot that your car
has those great windows. (harmonica rings)
(bell dinging) (crowd laughing) Literally don't have that
anymore, but yours does. - Yeah, it does, but- - [Phone Kimmy] You made your
left arm like super buff, but your right arm is just real sad. - Hey!
(crowd laughing) - Why are you still friends with her?! (crowd clapping)
- She's an asshole! - She's an ass! - You must be the new delivery boy. Listen up. This Tony's Pizzeria
is a (beep), God damn, tormenting hellscape. I should warn you, though. This phone is going to ring at least 600 times a day. Maybe 200 of those will
be people ordering pizzas. The other 400, is some frickin' douchebag who calls in to say it's
his favorite pizza place. (crowd laughing) He does it every day. I almost made a fool out
of myself by believing him, but then I heard that our
friends down the street at Peter Piper Pizza, they
get 400 calls from him too. He's told them the same (beep). (harmonica rings) They're his favorite pizza place. - [Man] That's time.
(bell dinging) - [crowd] It's time! - God dammit. God dammit. - That's a lot of calls, Shane! (crowd laughing) (necklace clinking) (suctioning) (crowd laughing) (harmonica ringing) (bell dinging) that was so dumb! (crowd laughing) - I get my peaches out in Georgia. (laughing) (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) Oh, yeah, shit. I get my weed in California. Yeah, that's it. (laughing) I'm Justin Bieber. (laughing) (crowd clapping) - That's a perfect impression. - Hello, it is me, Boris Lavich, and I am an American. And today, I'm going to
teach you about space. First, I'm going to name
the planets in space, so, we have Neptune, Uranus, (sighs) Saturn, Jupiter... (sighing) Earth... (sighs) Did I say Uranus? (crowd laughing) - [Man] It's time! (laughing)
(crowd clapping) (swooshing) Hey there. (chuckles) It's me, Andy Jackson. Now, I did get with
Brianna Balhel previously, but you know, she didn't work out, okay? She's back at home, she was just making those
sexy tiktoks all the time, and I need a swamp queen, and
I saw you for across the room, and I thought, please be
more wife, please ma'am. Will you please marry me? I just need a woman for my farm. That's all I need, I just need a woman, to go to my farm, and
take care of my crops- (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) (crowd laughing)
- [Man] Time! (crowd clapping) - (groaning) Uh, oh, society. (harmonica ringing) Uh, oh, society.
(bell dinging) - God dammit.
- Society. - You can't use me
favorite meme against me. - Uh, oh, society. (laughing) - Uh, oh, society! (laughing) - I'm Johnny Knoxteen, and
this is extreme farmin'! Come on, Betsy. Hop up on two legs. You're gonna squirt me in the mouth. (groaning)
(man laughing) oh, ow, oh, ooh, I'm pasteurized! Oh, I'm getting tonsillitis! Oh, ah! (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) Thank you, Jackie.
- Oh, my God. (chuckling) (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) (harmonica ringing)
(crowd laughing) - It's too real, it's
too weird. (laughing) - We have a winner. (crowd laughing and clapping) (snorts) - Okay, legally, you can look at me now. (harmonica ringing)
Where are we on that loan? (crowd laughing)
- No way! - It's been a while. (harmonica ringing) Okay. (crowd laughing and clapping)
- Oh, my God! (swooshing) - You're my favorite pizza place. Okay guys, I'm off to my other job. Thank you so much. All right, bye guys, I'll be
right back, I'll see you later. Barry Goldberg, what are you doing? (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) (crowd laughing) (laughing) - Ride for Jackie? (crowd laughing) (bell dinging) I hate you guys. - My mistake. (laughing) (high tea music) - Oh. (clapping) We have a winner. (crowd laughing) - Ahh, I was so down for that one! - Wait what, I didn't get it. - It's just a dog show,
but with people instead. - I thought it was
ventriloquism, and I was like... (eerie music) - I was on the Titanic. Not that funny. (crowd laughing) Oh, ah! That was in my pants. Kinda funny. (crowd laughing) You know, I learned this
move from a friend of mine. Oh no, wave. (crowd laughing and clapping) - So Jacqueline and I are both big fans of the Real Housewives series. And I, myself, would like to be recruited by a God damn Real Housewives Series. I don't give a (beep) which
one, I just wanna be there. I'll take any of them. So as you know, you wear your
best outfit, this is mine. And you have some taglines
associated with your person, your character, so here's mine. People say I'm tall,
but the truth is taller. 'Kay, another one, another one. I'm a baddie who cries all the time. (harmonica ringing)
- What? - You like that? (laughing)
(crowd clapping) They're so bad! (swooshing) - (sighs) it's just so
frustrating sometimes, you know, like, they have an entire chain and they didn't even give me any credit, you know what I mean? Like, I am the dairy queen,
but I don't get anything. I don't even get sales, I
don't even get royalties, I get nothing. (mumbling through sobs) (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) - What was that? - I'm alone on my farm! - (laughing) you're alone on your farm! - Yeah, and I'm the dairy queen! - Yeah! (sobbing) (high tea music) (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) (snorts laughing) Get out. - Ahh, winner. (crowd clapping and laughing) - Sorry I'm late, sorry I'm late. You're (beep) going to prison now. (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) (crowd laughing) Bumpus the clown, addressing the court. Your honor. My client, the defendant,
Pissy, the clown. (crowd laughing) (laughing) I sat down, I just said, "You're (beep), you're going to prison." - Ariel, oh, sweet Ariel, where are you? (woman singing) There she is! (fake machine noises) (woman screaming)
- Oh, God! It's like on Manatees, this is what they warned
about the manatees! (crowd laughing)
- Oh, no! - (beep) - Just get my...(sighs) instrument ready. (plays piano key) (clears throat) Why was Arnold from a, hey,
sorry, let me start over. (crowd laughing) Why was Arnold from "Hey, Arnold," so hot? (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) (crowd laughing) - That was never what I expected the rest of the sentence to be. (swooshing) - Hey, Shane. So, this thing happened the other day when we were all hanging
out in the green room, and Shane told me a
really cute skunk fact. And something happened to me
that happens to me sometimes, when I see really cute things. So I'm gonna try and
see if it happens again, and just like play the video with you. So, basically... (crowd laughing) Like, skunks, skunks when they're like, when they're pet skunks, They like, they don't
want to hurt their owners, and when they're sad,
they just do these, like, little stops instead of
like, spraying out stuff. (sobs) (harmonica ringing)
(crowd laughing) It's so cute! - You actually cry. You actually shed tears. - Oh. (chuckles) Hello, Shane. It is me, your mental illness. (harmonica ringing)
(crowd laughing) I see you're having a good day so far, but have you considered, not having one? (laughing) - Okay, see you once more. (groaning) - Hello, welcome back, to me. Hot girl summer? Nah, more like, hot because
it's the apocalypse, we're burning the Earth. Don't mind him, he gets
his peaches out in Georgia. Have you ever opened your
mouth in the nuclear rain and it tasted like cinnamon? I haven't asked that in a while. 'Cause I never got the
answer to that question. Sip, sip sip. Give me sippy, sippy. (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) (crowd clapping) - You ready for the game war? (harmonica ringing)
(crowd laughing) - What?! (laughing) What? - I brought this for when I get homesick. (laughing) (playing piano keys) - My name is Skipper Scotty,
and I sail the seven seas, with my illustrious seamates, it's the sea, and it's me. 'Cause we are seamen, and we are seamen. (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) We are sea- - Why aren't you playing the piano?! (laughing)
(crowd clapping) Why did you have all that
build up not to play it? (swooshing) Doc, what are you telling me? - Shane. We had to replace your
genitals with a Bop-It. (harmonica ringing)
Oh my God. Can I run to the restroom
and think this over? - Yeah, of course. - It already happened. (laughing) (Bop-It Machine plays) (Shane yelling) - [Shane] No, ah! - Oh, hello Kimmy. (harmonica ringing)
(laughing) I'm your mental illness! Brain, boot up. Analyze our body. Over-analyze our body. Okay, we don't like it. Have a good bad time! Goodbye! - Okay. Let's see, what is this. (groaning) Should've got that tool. Okay. This is stuck, this is not what I planned. (moaning) Okay. Okay, well, yeah, do you mind? (chuckling) Okay, what is.. (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) (laughing)
This isn't the bit. - I'm drooling on my- (laughs) - I can't take the point. - What was it, what was it supposed to be? - It doesn't matter.
- Oh, okay! - Okay, so I was having
trouble coming up with a joke, so I figured I would just do cardio. (groaning) - [Man] one. (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) That's twp, keep it up, Peloton! (screaming) - I just don't want her
to have to do it anymore. I know how much cardio pains us. No more! - No, I need... I need skinny! - You're good. (laughing)
(crowd clapping) - Whoa, whoa, hey, hey. We got a call for an emergency vibe check. - Yes. - Oh, the vibes seem off here. - Yo, my vibrator is picking up zero freaking positive vibes here. (harmonica ringing)
(bell dinging) - You gotta fix the vibes, we got an emergency vibe adjustment. Take these, you need
these, we need her vibe. We need to adjust the vibe. - You need to get those on, we need to get some corn hole put in here We need some King's Cob over there. - Everybody read their vibe. - We're shipping in some natty ice, we need natty ice now! - Trulys! We can we get some Trulys over here? - We need some Trulys,
get some White Claw. - Vibe secured, vibe secured. - Vibe secured. (crowd clapping) (cheering) - Fun times. - It was a good time. - Super fun time. Guys, if you thought
this episode was good, you gotta know, we do so much
of this stuff all the time, every time, every week. So subscribe so you
don't miss the next one, 'cause we upload so
much, you might miss it. Don't miss it. And you know, we have videos right here, so you can get started on studying up, and seeing what goodies we have. - Honestly, this is all a vibe. Let me vibrate these. - Vibrate, what's that? - Yo, what, oh shit, the
vibes are totally crazy off the charts! - Also merch, also merch! - Oh, let me vibrate this! (laughing)
