Trump Complains About Cancel Culture, Wants EVERYONE Canceled

welcome i'm jimmy i'm the host of the show thank you for watching thanks for thanks for everything i hope you had a good weekend our weekend uh really ended with a bang you feel the earthquake guillermo no i did not feel you didn't feel it at all oh i was asleep wow we got a nice little jolt early this morning when we went to bed this is interesting when we went to bed it was april 4th 4 4 the earthquake happened at 4 44 a.m exactly and it was measured at a four on the richter scale that has to mean something right could this be how the four horsemen of the apocalypse show up the good news is my precious moments figurines are fine no damage you know they always say you should have a plan for when the earthquake hits turns out my plan is to wake up grab my phone look at twitter and then put it down that's my plan earthquakes are the only thing twitter is good for there were no reports of significant damage although they did have to close the etch-a-sketch museum that was supposed to open today [Applause] everything was just ruined but i have to say after 13 months of worrying about inhaling a deadly virus it was kind of nice to worry about the earth opening up and swallowing us whole for a change i was back asleep within six minutes of the earthquake i was asleep uh until our three-year-old ran into the room at 6 20 saying did the easter bunny hide more stuff which no he did not yesterday as i'm sure you know from the uh instagram posts was easter it was my pastel pink shirts time to shine every year it comes out and then goes right back in we mixed it up this year instead of easter eggs we had the kids go on the cvs website and hunt for the vaccine that was fun we did we did have an easter egg hunt we hid 24 eggs in the house and once we got 24 in the basket we're like okay kids that's it that's all the eggs and the kids are like oh how do you know that's all the eggs and we're like we just know this is the kind of thing we know the easter bunny has a very weak backstory by the way much weaker than santa claus we had to make up a lot of details on the spot about where he lives what his motivation is we told him he lives in florida and he hates chickens is why he gathers the eggs but yesterday my wife tried to explain the meaning of easter to our daughter who's six she wanted to know what was going on so molly said well jesus died and jane goes oh no this was news to her she said don't worry he rose from the dead which is a lot for a child to digest and uh then we gave her a handful of jelly beans and she seemed fine sometimes i remember that jesus only lived to be 33 years old think about that that would be like zac efron rising again 33. you understand yeah a lot of um a lot of churches held services on zoom again this year these virtual services which i don't know brings up an interesting theoretical and theological question can god hear your prayers if you're muted i say no i don't think he can the white house easter egg roll was virtual this year because of covet and also because of the risk of the biden's dog major ripping some toddler's arm off he's just playful but the white house they made special eggs for easter they're actually selling them featuring the president's dogs champ and major who even on the egg it looks like major's making a mess at the white house president mrs biden offered their well wishes for the holiday via twitter they wrote from our family to yours we wish you health hope joy and peace happy easter everyone president obama wrote this easter i hope we can all take some time to reflect on the blessings we enjoy and i hope we have for a brighter future from our family to yours have a safe and happy easter and even the easter dummy himself donald trump issued a magnanimous statement he wrote happy easter to all including the radical left crazies who rigged our presidential election and want to destroy our country he's still got it he doesn't have twitter but he's still got it that message would have been better over a picture of jesus like this right i guess we're lucky that we even had easter this year because remember when trump said if biden won there will be no holidays ever again under biden there will be no school no graduations no weddings no thanksgiving no easter no christmas no fourth of july no nothing there will be no school no graduations no weddings no thanksgivings no easter's no christmases no thanksgiving no easter no christmas no thanksgiving no christmas no easter there will be no school no graduations no weddings no thanksgiving no christmas no fourth of july no easter no nothing no christmas no easter no fourth of july and no future no i mean no future that's the same thing he wrote on don jr's graduation card in high school but kentucky fried chicken little was he held an easter egg hunt of his own at mar-a-lago yesterday danny don jr was there with his girlfriend karen i mean kimberly and together together they shared a sweet anecdote from the trump family memory book in the trump family the easter egg hunt is really competitive i remember knockout drag out fights with ivanka especially uh you know back in the day because i may have uh you know gotten on the security camera system and figured out where they hid uh the proverbial golden egg so i got it oh when she found out what i did it was uh it was brutal but uh you'd probably expect nothing less you had a lot of kind of alpha personalities in there even a cute family anecdote makes them sound like the reign of caligula doesn't it you know my brother daniel do you have her brother daniel not anymore we killed him in the in the egg hunt it's so then dj tj tried to pitch in and give his daughter an easter leg up on the competition take a look at this chloe chloe pick up here no no no no no okay we're gonna steal an egg stop the steal hey let's watch it again because it's fascinating and uh here we go his daughter snatches an egg from another kid's clutches so daddy decides i like that i'll throw her another rig to reward her for her cunning and speed but then there not only does she fumble the inheritance she drops all her other eggs some of which get scooped up by the other kids it's another accident at the intersection of privilege and ineptitude but i really think that might be the the perfect metaphor for growing up trump march madness is almost done as we tape our show right now number one seed gonzaga is playing number one seed baylor for the ncaa men's basketball title so by the time you see this message i may already be dead but gonzaga as you know has been the subject of a lot of controversy because there are imaginary there's no there's no school named gonzaga but somehow they managed to bluff their way into the ncaa finals with this crazy last second buzzer beater against underdog ucla again with the ball in his hands in the paint floater short got it back ties it with three gonzaga has time to do something socks [Applause] the clapping you hear is from usc fans but i want you to i want you to listen to what jim nance said again here [Applause] unbelievable unbelievable on one of the most respected names in sports journalism a five-time sportscast of the year jim nance calls gonzaga what unbelievable because he doesn't believe they exist either i mean look at this if gonzaga is a real school why aren't there any students in the arena to see this game look at this game after game win after win in this tournament look at the stands there's nobody in them you mean to tell me there was a final four game and no one showed up for it could that be because they have no alumni because no one ever went there think about this here's your bottom line if gonzaga isn't fake why do i keep saying it is this is the other sports drama that's going on major league baseball has decided not to have the all-star game in atlanta this summer in response to the new law they passed in georgia that tries to discourage people of color from voting baseball did the right thing and pulled the game and now the red hatters are mad at them including tani ramirez who released this strongly worded statement baseball's already losing tremendous numbers of fans and now they leave atlanta with their all-star game because they're afraid of the radical left democrats who do not want voter id which is desperately needed to have anything to do with our elections boycott baseball and all of the woke companies that are interfering with free and fair elections are you listening coke delta and all now donald trump calling for a boycott of coca-cola is beautiful he had a diet coke button on his desk in the oval office the man urinates aspartame okay and it's especially funny because with all his complaining about cancer culture this guy has tried to cancel more culture than anybody ever if you listen to donald trump you'd have to cancel baseball coke delta airlines viacom cbs citigroup cisco ups apple macy's univision hbo oreo rolling stone fox news starbucks geico goodyear amazon att the nfl t-mobile harley-davidson nike comcast and merc which happens to make propecia the drug donald trump takes the slowest balding down what are the chances that donald trump actually gives up diet coke or his bald head medicine none but he wants you to and in fact because because it always goes like this this is something stephen miller tweeted today i just had a terrific meeting with the president not president trump uh steve miller is not using propecia but donald trump is drinking a diet coke hidden behind the phone on his desk isn't that the best cheer up republicans you can't watch football baseball or basketball or nascar anymore but you can still watch trump play golf and drink coke florida congresswoman matt gates is the talk of the town in washington right now he is reported to be under investigation by the justice department for potentially sex trafficking of a 17-year-old girl he of course claims this is a deep state conspiracy but here's how you know it's not going well for matt one of his few defenders marjorie taylor green aka clan mom uh appears to have deleted all her photos with matt gates on twitter let's put that up again because what a cue couple they are she erased them just like 9 11. gates wrote an op-ed for the washington examiner today he wrote my personal life is and always has been conducted on my own time and my own dime in other words my dad never paid for my sex i pay for all of it but this is a weird detail about matt gates not only did he grow up in the house where they filmed the movie the truman show his family appears to be so desperate for attention they have a sign out front letting everyone who passes by no it's the house from the truman show and the home of matt gates i bet at least one of those signs comes down very very soon one of the stories that's been circulating over the weekend is that gates used to brag to colleagues about women he slept with and he'd go around they say and show people videos of naked lady friends and he made no secret of this at all [Applause] okay fine are personal checks from my dad okay he's just proud of himself he's a proud boy speaking of monsters we have a new number one movie in america godzilla versus kong was tops at the box office over the weekend it got made 30 million dollars which is a good sign for movies in theaters overall and my kids are very interested in this the other day i had to show them the trailer because they want to know what godzilla is what king kong is so this morning we decided to get him on tape watching it and here they are you will hear them with some dvd type commentary jane and billy watching the trailer for godzilla versus kong mom something's happening i'm just scared to watch it i'm scared this looks crazy but it was coming i see his tail oh my god it's godzilla it's godzilla gonna eat corn godzilla is coming it's godzilla and they're all talking about it and everything is oh king kong punched him in the face oh kahn threw godzilla in the water spiderman's not in this movie silly what the heck and he's fighting i keep reaching for greatness because i'm built from it one a baby will take purple ball kong vows to no one i don't love godzilla because he's bad godzilla versus khan in theaters can i make some paw patrol oh yes they're on a roll why not hi i'm jimmy kimmel click below to subscribe to our youtube channel or if you want to be that way about it don't

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,485,026

Rating: 4.7878928 out of 5

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, Earthquake, Guillermo, Easter, Easter Eggs, Vaccine, Jesus, Zoom, Joe Biden, White House, Major Biden, Obama, Donald Trump, DJTJ, Don Jr, March Madness, NCAA, Baylor, Gonzaga, Final Four, UCLA, MLB, All-Star Game, Atlanta, Georgia, Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Godzilla vs Kong, Coke, Jane and Billy

Id: 7L4mLA9L3c8

Length: 15min 6sec (906 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 05 2021