Don Jr. Angry at Biden and Tucker Carlson Attacks Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion

thank you for watching on um st patrick's day eve are you ready for a guillermo i'm ready jimmy what are you gonna do for st patrick's day uh drink and eat drinkity yes what are you gonna eat you know the traditional foods uh i just gonna eat tacos and spaghetti tacos and spaghetti that's it that's right very irish this will not be the usual beer-soaked parade st patrick's day this year the cdc is urging americans to engage in virtual celebrations in an official statement today the cdc said they quote recommend all americans stay home to st patrick's day and get blackout drunk alone like real irishmen and i for one am offended but we must remain vigilant the fear is that a fourth wave of the virus is coming the white house is trying to get as many people vaccinated before the new more contagious variants lead to another surge it's a really it's a race against time and stupidity people keep saying they're over the pandemic which you know it's a virus it's not words with friends you can't just be over it every expert says another wave can be prevented and we can actually put an end to this if we're smart and wear masks but the problem is we're not smart and we don't wear masks we're dumb we're dumb people it's interesting i read the other day that among our many problems the planet is facing a shortage of sand there's a sand shortage because of demand for construction which means we'll soon have nothing to stick our heads in and over at fox news where their nostrils are just full of sand they are having a very hard time trying to convince us that joe biden's behind the wheel of a runaway truck or something tucker carlson pulled a tired old rabbit out of his hood last night going on and on about cardi b and megan the stallion at the grammys on sunday night what do they consider art that's the question well we learned last night the grammy awards here's a clip of the only portion we could play when i make it rain no more dumbo it's too filthy why if this elvis presley keeps rotating his hips like that satan will impregnate our of american daughters american principles and it's terrifying i think parents should be terrified that this is the direction that our society is heading towards and again we are weakening america that's that's really what we should be talking about this is a weakening of american society we are setting the stage and it feels like we are looking at corrosion like we are about to see the end of an empire america cannot survive it cannot be sustained under these sorts of values and principles right right right deadly attack on our nation's capital understandable two black women with the dirty pop song the end of an empire they i'm pretty sure they said the same thing about madonna and george michael in the 80s but i guess they have nothing real to complain about even marjorie taylor green is running out of topics clan mom was on newsmax yesterday where she sounded an alarm at the border you see the greatest thing about america is this country is the place everyone wants to be and joe biden has ripped our borders open and invited over a hundred different countries to come here and that's exactly what they're finding he's taken away all of trump's strong border security executive orders and now we even have terrorists possibly coming into our country terrorist and coven by the way a lot of coveted too oh well wait i i thought we didn't have to worry about covenant now covet is real i guess you two idiots should be wearing masks then huh don jr is also workshopping some new joe biden material dj tj is angry that biden hasn't weighed in on the sexual misconduct allegations against new york governor andrew cuomo who is getting close to breaking presidenti's all-time record for sexual misconduct by an american politician your reaction to all of this it's my listen it doesn't surprise me i wrote the book liberal privilege because that's exactly what this is joe biden won't even comment on it didn't stop joe biden from commenting on brett kavanaugh or any other republican that's been accused of these things joe biden probably not the best person to talk about these things given his history of sniffing children etc but that's what it is sniffing snipping children we want to know what you are sniffing that's what we would like to know if i was you donny i'd stuff the word sniffing back into the family thesaurus and then the fraudical son gave us a review of the work his father's conqueror has done so far i think it's probably the most disastrous first 60 days uh in the history of american politics and certainly the presidency okay all right name 10 presidents go ahead please sit wait i'm working on a new game show for donald trump jr it's called name 10 presidents and pee in this cup meanwhile north korea has no plans to make nice with the biden administration soon after a long period of silence kim jong-un's sister chloe jong-un la i mean or is it courtney courtney jong-un lashed out she wanted she warned the biden administration that if it wants peace it had better quote refrain from causing a stink at its first step we take this opportunity to warn the new u.s administration trying hard to give off powder smell in our land i'm sure it sounds more threatening in korean but it's funny because north korea thinks these statements they make are sick burns but they always sound like riddles instead it's like if you wish to cross the bridge be wise not to anger us like the cat who swallowed mushrooms unwashed and by the way it's rare that a dictator's sibling speaks out i don't remember reading about any stern warnings from lois hitler but president biden has been trying to reach out to north korea for weeks kim jong-un isn't having it i don't know if he's tried sending a love letter i hear kim is really into those but we haven't heard much from kim jong-un at all since trump left office i hel i really hope the little fella is okay i wonder how he's doing [Music] i will always give you my love just a little rocket man standing in front of a former president asking him to love him that's all oh well they'll always have singapore trump may be out of office but he's still doing a lot of heavy grifting big money republican donors have been pouring into mar-a-lago for fundraisers and photo ops putting cash into trump's candy corn colored coffers over the past few years conservative groups have spent around 12 million dollars on events at trump owned properties now they go straight to mar-a-lago where they can maybe catch a glimpse of trump shuffling by it's like disneyland but the only character is dopey airlines right now are busy and cracking down on what they say is a rise of unruly passengers specifically passengers who refuse to wear masks which that's some logic you trust the engineers who built the plane you trust the people who operate the plane you put your seatbelt on you know that's going to make you safer you know where the oxygen is and that you will use it if you need it he trusts the air traffic controllers who watch the radar and tell the planes where to go but then they ask you to put a napkin over your face you're like no way i do not believe the science i do not the funny thing about these most of these people who won't wear a mask the vast majority of them look better in the mask this is an odd business story out of the uk there's a chain of footwear stores uh over there called shoe zone they have 500 stores in england and ireland and shoe zone recently got a new boss this is real we did not make this up uh terry boot replaces peter foote at shoe zone and there they are boot and foot i guess foot got the boot i i don't know but i enjoy stuff like this i'm amused by people whose names match their occupations so we did a little bit of digging a lot of digging actually and we found four perfectly named people who i am pleased to introduce you to tonight and first we go to olympia washington to meet a state supreme court judge and frequent wedding officiant hello there how are you thank you for taking the time to join us hi jimmy hi but before i reveal your name how long have you been a judge well i've been a judge now for 21 years and the last seven have been on the state supreme court and how many weddings have you officiated in that time oh just a little over 650. 650 weddings and what is your name mary you marry you so when you when you do preside over a wedding do you say i marry you marry you that that's a good line that i might try oh you haven't oh can marry you legally divorce you too is that in your wheelhouse oh we judges have a lot of power overall would you say this name has been a a good thing for you or a nuisance no it's been wonderful and i just have to say jimmy you know having this name actually gave me the opportunity to preside over the first same-sex marriage in the state of washington oh wow that's a pretty big deal wow do you have any siblings is there an f maybe a kill i have one lovely sibling with the right name okay well thank you very much mary it was nice to meet you let's marry you everyone and next week we journey all the way to surrey england to meet a nutritionist and a vegetarian cookbook author um hello there i will ask you first how long have you been working in the field of nutrition well i've been a nutritionist for over 30 years about 36 years you are a long time nutritionist you are a vegetarian what are some of your favorite vegetarian foods oh i love i do cook a lot with beans garbanzo beans i love them all i love lima beans i cook with black beans i make bean burgers i make chickpeas stews um so yeah i do a lot of cooking with beans and lentils i notice you mentioned garbanzo beans and chickpeas aren't they the same thing they're exactly the same thing jimmy thank you now it's time to reveal your name go ahead my name's anita bean ninabean is there a mr bean definitely any beanie babies i'm married i'm married to simon bean and i've got two beautiful daughters their names are chloe and lucy bean chloe and lucy bean wow yeah anita really could it's a risky name to give well i guess you know it the last name but yeah it's a risky name to give a girl who might one day ch like you could have married andy dick and it would have been a problem [Applause] i mean not just because of the last name either [Laughter] well thank you for staying up so late anita i appreciate it yeah no thanks for having me on thanks for being on go crack a window we go next to jackson georgia to say hello to a correctional officer in jackson hello there how are you i'm great how are you jimmy i'm doing well how are things in jackson right now uh cold and wet cold and wet yes we're experiencing some wet weather all day now your job i think we got a clue as to what you do based on your uniform you are oh and also the words are right up there on the screen you're a correctional officer i'm not too bright and where do you do your correctional officer ring right here in jackson i am a sergeant over our uh high max facility here in georgia oh that's kind of you must see some crazy stuff there huh you would not believe [Applause] i would like like three hours of your time to get involved i really want no problem and would you be so kind as to share your name with everyone my name is sergeant robin banks robin banks is that are you married robin i am yes i am what was your maiden name my maiden name was wine glass wine glass that would have been a good name for anita i need a wine glass right i need a wine glass every day yes yes do you ever have problems like when you're trying to make a withdrawal well not normally because when i'm in public i'm usually armed oh okay [Applause] so normally i don't have a problem well thank you very much sergeant sergeant robin banks thank you and last but not least we we go to austin texas to meet a retired urologist which i'm already excited about this how long did you work as a urologist well jamie first of all thanks for having me on this is really great fun so um i've been in austin texas for 37 years y'all 37 years yeah and as a urologist you had a particular specialty correct well yeah i was actually trained in urologic oncology but uh since being in austin i've become the vasectomy machine after 16 000 vasectomies plus wow i think i've earned the honor and wow you have handled a lot of penises and may i ask what is your name doctor my name is dr dick chop i earned that name sir and and never once did you think maybe i'll go with richard huh well you know that's my real name but uh everybody calls me dick now so that's the way that whether they like me or not you know [Applause] please tell me you have a son named karate i don't i don't wow and does it scare your patients ever when you come in and dick chop shows up at the door well not really you know most of them come in to uh see me for their vasectomies and uh yeah all the the past 20 years all the gentlemen that come in uh get a t-shirt oh that says i've been chopped at urology austin so it's a good marketing tool yeah fun great fun has this been good for your business overall being the job yeah certainly you know certainly the interesting thing is i retired in december of 2020 and in the in the month prior to my retirement guys were coming out of the woodwork to come in and get their vasectomies by yours truly in retrospect i think a lot of them just wanted a t-shirt but yeah right yeah sure i would love one of those well thank you dr shop my pleasure give our best to pork thanks to all of our perfectly named people hi i'm jimmy kimmel i hope you enjoyed that video hit subscribe and all your dreams will come true assuming your dreams are to watch more youtube videos

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 2,129,177

Rating: 4.6418304 out of 5

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, St. Patricks day, Guillermo, CDC, Fourth Wave, Sand, Facemasks, Grammys, Fox News, Megan Thee Stallion, Tucker Carlson, Candace Owens, Marjorie Taylor Greene, DJTJ, Joe Biden, North Korea, Kim Jong Un, Trump, Mar-A-Lago, Airlines, Shoe Zone, Funny Names

Id: 4FkU9fF_NLY

Length: 17min 15sec (1035 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 16 2021