Trump and Biden Square Off at the Mexico Border, Don Jr’s Most Preposterous Lie Yet & Gimme Five!

thank you for watching us thank you for joining us on yet another uh big day for America that most Americans don't even know is a big day for America and I guess it isn't really because today was a primary election day in Michigan even though we already know who's going to win the primary in Michigan this primary election cycle has all the suspense of an episode of Blues Clues you just don't know the only question tonight was by how many points will Nikki Haley lose this one the real contest in Michigan is over who is running the voting for Republicans two different people a woman named Christina kuramo and a guy named Pete hru claim to be the chair of the state Republican party and they scheduled dueling events they're having two Republican nominating conventions at the same time remember when they released two different fire Festival documentaries at want it's like a dumber version of that but this woman Christina caramo she was voted out last month after Trump made it clear he wanted her gone but she refused to accept the results of the election voting GE I wonder where she got that idea when I left you I was but a learner now I am the master they say this is the biggest mess in Michigan since Eminem vomited up his mom's spaghetti but Joe Biden on the other is running essentially unopposed the president met with leaders from both parties at the white house today to see if they can again try to Stave off another last minute government shutdown if Congress doesn't pass a bill fund the government by the end of the day Friday we're in a big mess and I would imagine that days like this have Biden wondering why he ever even considered running for president again thank you all for coming that's what we're going to be talking [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] about thank you so we'll get a chance to talk after you so [Music] all right probably didn't need to sit on that quite that long yeah I'm sure that's nothing to worry about they got good people working there this is pretty crazy Biden and Trump are scheduled to visit the Border in Texas on Thursday both of them the they will both be at the border and if they can get two more Cedar citizens to go with them they got themselves a pickle ball match at the the president is um going to see what can be done to solve the Border crisis Trump is going to make sure he doesn't solve what's happening at the border Biden's planning to meet with us border agents um while Trump is planning to sell golden high Toops on the streets of harez Don fulio took to truth social yesterday to post not one but 15 endorsements for Texas lawmakers they were all pretty much Co copy and paste jobs but one name in particular stood out one of the people he endorsed is um stormy Bradley who another stormy who knows two stormies I wonder if he'll right this stormmy a check too I mean you know when Ted Cruz heard about this stormmy in Texas he immediately boarded a flight to Cancun he's Trump sees the Border as a key point of attack against Biden even going so far as to Strongarm republicans in Congress to reneg on a deal they made to help secure it Trump's funny because he goes from a topic like the border which plays very well for him even though he himself did nothing meaningful to the secur it he goes from screaming about issues Americans actually do care about to yelling about things that don't even exist for whatever reason he is fixated on water conservation he's against it by the way and every chance he gets now he's beating this drum about not having enough water in our faucets and washing machines they're destroying our country whether it's a water forcet that doesn't put out water or a shower that no water's or a washing machine where you can be in the middle of the greatest waterfall you know you have some states they can't get rid of their water the washing machines they don't give you enough water I made it so that great companies Whirlpool great companies Can Survive and Thrive I let them have water W thank you that's wow it's like Moses has risen to lead us again through the water for a man who has never done his own laundry is very concerned about this washing I mean seriously you think he's ever in his whole life you think this man of the people has ever loaded a washing machine or a dryer or washed a dish or rinsed anything other than his filthy boxers in a hotel sink to get the smell of hooker off not a chance not a chance I would love I would pay so much money to watch Donald Trump load a dishwasher I wanted a show called The Donald Trump challenge where every week he's tasked with a common household chore like um operate a vacuum make a bed find the button that resets the garbage disposal like every Tuesday he gets assigned a task and for the whole hour we watch him try to do it wouldn't that be the greatest may maybe we'll call it Donald do I think this could be this could be bigger than the Apprentice maybe if I pitch it he'll drop out of the race and do this instead garmo get vka on the phone stat okay I will yes thank you all right we could put the whole dumb family on the show you know the um the frudal son Donald Trump Jr had a little scary yesterday A Team wearing hazmat suits were dispatched to his home in Jupiter Florida because DJ TJ got a letter in the mail that contained an unidentified white powder uh usually when the HazMat team gets called to Don Junior's it's because his hair clogged the toilet but in this case they analyzed they found that the substance did not seem to be danger it's probably just something from his friends in the white powder movement but um I guess his job now is shouting at his computer because his big subject today was Google AI Google AI I don't know if you heard in the name of racial diversity has been creating ridiculous images of black and Latino Nazis if you tell it to make a picture of a Nazi it wants to include everyone so it create creates Nazis from every color of the rainbow and it also according to Junior does this with other his hisorical figures including uh black George Washington which as you will see bothers him a lot this this is what Google Gemini says the founding fathers look like black founding fathers Yes you heard that correct folks according to Google's AI Gemini program the founding fathers were actually black I don't know about you doesn't seem all that accurate I wonder why they would do something like this when did he turned into a morning radio DJ from 1989 is DJ DJ TJ the CU booing Zoo be ready with the fras of pace caller 98.5 goes home with 98550 stick with the winner after M the on the que last time I mentioned how daddy Trump has been desperately trying to woo black voters and the Apple doesn't fall far from the orange on that listen to this story this doof would have us believe is true but know it's sort of interesting as as someone you know I just I travel all over the country I fly commercial like I'm all you know I I have seen and witnessed now more than ever uh you know the amount of African-American men that have come up to me literally like hey man you're my hero I'm like what I like really like I I did not have that in my bingo card this poor man can't even go into a Cabellas without a mob of africanamerican men coming up to call them their here that that happened at most zero times okay of all the many lies this ad noal nepo baby child is spit up that might be the most Preposterous of all of them hi Mr Trump Jr want you to know I'm black you probably noticed that and I I love whatever it is that you do high five it's time to play um America's favorite new name game it's time to go out the Hollywood Boulevard to play Gimme Five here we go all right Lou is standing by uh Lou you've got three contestants there introduce us to them won't you of course we got Lexi Tony and Gabriella Lexi Tony and Gabriella thank you for coming thank you for playing you um do you know the rules of the games contestant do you know the rules of this game yeah you do okay Lou will you explain to our audience the rules of the game and also to me because I've forgotten them of course so Jimmy's going to give you a category and ask you to name five things that belong in that category you'll have 25 seconds to write your answers down on your whiteboard uh for each correct answer you get a point and whoever has the most points at the end of three rounds wins perfect you ready to do this yes do it all right again five things in a category give me give me the names of five things that are slippery you have 25 seconds begin Gabriella is really she knows her slippery stuff I would also accept things that are sidery basically it's a list of things that are gross that we're looking for I know well it's not time yet you still got oh okay all right yeah all right well Gabriella is really fast all right Gabriella we're going to start with you since you are very eager to show okay Gabriella you got slide okay yes high heels okay seal now are we talking about the singer or a the animal the animal the animal I think I would take both both tongue okay there's not there's a spelling area there but we will not count that against you and finally water slide which is also a slide how do we GMO how do we rule I think she get the point she gets it okay you got five points Gabriella all right all right now Tony all right Tony is objecting all right Tony what's that first word uh it is a wet ball you've been out on the boulevard for a while Tony a little bit all right a wet ball okay I'm going to give you that a cat a cat um all right uh GMA what do we say about cat a cat no I don't think no that is no we're not going to give you a cat next one is what does that say a slide a slide yes you get that for sure soap I think you get that for sure and me covered in soap oh wow all right that's a sexy image I think we'll give you that too so all right we're giving you four points Tony and finally Lexi Lexi what say you you have ground the ground is slippery that can be true yes a fish is yes slippery water is water slippery or does water make things slippery I'm going to say water is not slippery GMO uh I think I agree with you okay thank you okay and next we've got SL yes and slide yes you get four points all right Lexi we got a tight game here we got good contestants round two now we're going to reset the clock erase your boards if you would the next category five words that begin with a vowel go oh my God weirdly harder than you might guess on this game show vowels are free by the way we don't charge you for them like Pat sjck does fun fact vowels the vowel was invented in uh 1985 y GMA that's true right that's not true all right all right all right now let's start with Lexi Lexi what are you let's go for your answers here you've got eight yes eat Alpha Al well another spelling and elephant all right yes that's five for you Tony you've got AB but wait a minute hold on a second sometimes why but not in these cases hold on a minute yeah no why is no and not at the beginning I'm sorry but I'm not I'm going to have to give you only three points all right for that one and U finally Gabriella who is a owl outside umbrella ombre that is not spelled correctly ombre like like the hair thing like when you do your ombre when you what when you dye your hair and you do an ombre I need to help help on yeah I I I give her the point yeah yes wait is this a it is yeah wait is this a word in English yes yes and it's spelled om m b re e yes yes yes I don't buy it but okay somebody looked that up while we're an animal all right we're going to give you five now but I reserve the right to retract one if ombre is not ombre it is Ombre yeah ombre om ombre ombre it doesn't that yeah that doesn't change my mind at all all right we're still we got a game here we still let's put 25 seconds on the clock give me things that tickle all right go ahead let me see that ombre while they're doing this ombre that's a French word the blending of one color oh how do you know this guo thanks to my wife you can I keep this phone yeah all right all right and okay oh right they're having the game okay yes and we okay here we go let's check the scores and um we've got uh Tony has seven you have some catching up to do Lexi n Gabriella at 10 Tony we'll start with you Tony all right so I got Tony says I forgot what the category was what was it things that tickle okay uh feather yes baby H baby baby's more of a tickle than a tick yeah um Pillsbury Doughboy again same thing yeah your feet now okay I'm going to give you your feet cuz I could imagine you all soaped up with your feet tickling U and finally hyenas great wait Tony please explain hyenas we okay so you say things that are tickled I think hyenas because they laugh all the time so it's a tickle right yeah yeah yeah okay all right so we're not giving you that um going me give you a feather we're going it doesn't matter Tony you lost all right next let's go to Lexi Lexi what do you have uh Lexi says uh feather feet um yeah again well okay feet I have to give you that I give it to Tony and armpits yeah things that are tickled but no one has ever tickled anyone with their armpits which never happen all right so you get points there Lexi and Gabriella I think you're in good you're in the pole position feather a person pillows yeah okay kind of yarn cat yeah a cat wait what's with the cats I don't know it doesn't matter Gabriella you are the winner well Gabriella what she's won a bunch of junk from Five Below oh a basket of Five Below junk and what do we have for the losers Lou I'm sorry you didn't not survive the five but some 5our energy 5 Hour Energy drink all right enjoy uh wisely and safely thank you Lexi Tony and Gabriella our champion thanks for playing give me five there we [Applause] go

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,765,804

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Hollywood, Los Angeles, West Coast, Primary Election, Michigan, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Congress, Border, Republicans, Democrats, Washing Machine, Don Jr, Melania, Hollywood Blvd, Gimmie Five, Game show, Lou Wilson, Trump, Water Conservation, Google AI, Hooters

Id: _o29DguVzh4

Length: 16min 22sec (982 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 28 2024