Trump Begs for Immunity from Supreme Court, MyPillow Mike’s Crazy Life Stories & Hostel La Vista!

Jimmy on the host of the show thank you for watching thank you for joining us here at our um on our home court here in Hollywood are you ready for March Madness is it is it no not at all huh well my hope is that we get all the madness out in March so we don't have any left for November but um there were two uh college basketball playing games today there were 16 games tomorrow another 16 the day after that then eight games and another eight games and then four games four games two games two games two games one game and then we go back to working at work which is good we get no work done when the games are on I'm warning you now tomorrow night's show will be terrible so I just get some sleep or something tomorrow this is interesting Gonzaga tomorrow plays MCN state which not only do I not believe uh Gonzaga is a real place I don't think there's any such place as MCN State either I know for a fact there are 50 states MCN is not one of them okay this is a game between two AR teams they're putting on the AI is finally taken over well they say the odds of filling out a perfect bracket are one in 120.1 billion statistically speaking you are 455 times more likely to get killed and eaten by a shark true President Biden uh released his bracket today he picked Yukon to win whereas Donald Trump not only won't he release his bracket he won't fill one out at all because he's afraid of getting eaten by that shark but if I'm sitting down and that boat's going down and I'm on top of a battery and the water starts flooding in I'm getting concerned but then I look 10 yards to my left and there's a shark over there so I have a choice of electrocution or shark you know what I'm going to take electrocution I will take electrocution every single time do we agree yeah [Applause] yeah yeah we apparently there's a lot of agreement I can go either way the white supremacist has until Monday to come up with a $464 million Bond or the state may seize and sell his property Trump said nobody has ever heard of anything like this before Trump needs cash and yeah we never heard most of the crazy stuff you do before but I mean nobody ever heard of the president changing the weather with a sharpie before either something tells me over the weekend Trump's going to start talking about how strong Vladimir Putin is then suddenly a dump truck full of rubles will pull up and cover this for him but of course the real loser here is Melania she may end up with half of the nothing he owns now I hope she got Advance on that prenup because if you think she hates him now wait until he's poor that's going to but his excuses I will say are richer than ever Trump yesterday asked the Supreme Court to Grant him absolute immunity in the case related to the events of January 6th and he also wants immunity from cam just in case you know it's but his argument is that the threat of future imprisonment not for him it would prevent the president from doing uh potentially illegal things which I think is the point of prison in the first place but turns out the guy who bragged to Billy Bush he could do whatever he wants thinks he should be allowed to do whatever he wants his lawyers told the court denial of criminal immunity would incapacitate every future president with deao blackmail and extortion while in office and condemn him to years of post office trauma at the hands of political opponents which sounds bad right and yet somehow we've had 44 presents before him that never happened to any of them except for this one guy why do you think that is could it be because none of them tried to violently overthrow an election they lost I don't know maybe the appeals court by the way the appeals court took one look at this dumb argument and did the legal equivalent of when you drop a dictionary on a cockroach they're like but the Supreme Court was like hang on scrape those bug guts off the floor and let us take a look we want to make sure that wasn't a bald eagle you crushed with that book there's no reason for them to even be hearing this case and the fact that they are probably means there won't be a trial before the election and also you know the scariest thing about the office of President is you don't even need immunity to do bad things other people can do bad things for you anyone could do anything and if you like what they did you could just pardon them because you're president if any person decided to do something terrible to someone you hate as long as it's a federal crime you could just wave your magic president wand and they're free to go that's a that's like wizard power that's a lot of power for Father's Day Eric and Don JR could walk into a bank hand the teller a note that says give us all your money spelled wrong of course money would be spelled m o n IE but they then they could take that money they could go buy their father a gold statue of himself they could give him the statue and when the cops come to lock him up the wand comes out they go right back to their five-bedroom homes in a gated community near Daddy's Golf Course no penalty at all although he would probably have them arrested right I mean but a president could make some seriously crazy stuff happen if you're dumb and arrogant you commit the crimes yourself on television then you have a problem then you have to beg the Supreme Court for something Preposterous like immunity but if Donald Trump wants immunity he should drink bleach like he told us to do when we wanted to be that's and this had to be a punch in the truck nuts Trump scored five primary wins last night but not as bigly as he was hoping he would in Arizona he lost more than 20% of the Republican vote in Florida he lost more than 177% of the Republican vote to a pair of opponents who aren't even running anymore Nikki Haley dropped out two weeks ago I'm pretty sure Ronda santis choked on a meatball at Christmas but Trump did do well amongst voters who have accidentally shot their washing machines with a handgun he got almost 100% this is good in Ohio there's a Trumper named Derek Myers he was running for a congressional seat there he mistakenly sent out a concession email hours before the polls closed he the email said tonight did not go as we had hoped it wasn't even tonight yet and it didn't go as they hope and then he quickly sent out a followup that said disregard concession email and then he finished in 11th place in last place on second though don't disregard concession email this is uh by the way Derek Myers so tonight didn't go as we'd hoped but as we know this race is decided in the primary so I want to give my congratulations to the congressman elect I'm looking forward to uniting behind him and working with him to get president Trump reelected to the White House in November and evicting Joe Biden listen I'm in my 30s and as I've told everyone on this campaign Trail if I don't win this race that's okay because I've got 30 or 50 more years left in that's if I live a good life I'm looking forward to staying in the arena of Ohio politics and looking forward to working with all the Republicans to make Ohio great again yeah and also I would like to announce I am suing the guy who cuts my hair for $5 billion me that's one hell of a super cut that is he somehow looks like beas and Butthead all at once no magga faithful has fallen softer on harder times than the my pillow man Mike Lindell who Maybe out of money but he is not running low on crazy life stories but through all that time I had over 14year death experiences I'd be in Mexico on a family vacation and they're going to cut my head off uh uh the cartel and um the guy's cutting my head off he goes he ready to come go I go um I go I'm not going to buy this Sword and the other guy goes senior he doesn't want to sell your sword he wants to cut off your head and I go what's wrong with you you know and but they're going what's wrong this guy's locco he want you know and uh but it was just deflection and and um I what did I do when I got out of that I went and did another line of cocaine it's a family vacation that's that's how he got in the pillow business he needed some place to put his decapitated head and Mike has been promising to reveal bombshell evidence of voter fraud uh for the last couple of weeks he's been this is something he's been saying now for quite some time this evidence tonight is going to be so explosive and so it's going to shock the world you're going to see something else that will shock the world look at this most explosive shocking evidence the world has ever seen you're going to go W it's going to shock the world it's going to shock the world it's going to shock the world it's going to shock the world it's going to shock the world so shocking it should shock the world I mean it's going to shock the world Shock the World Shock the World Shock the World Shock the World shock the world World Shock the World shock the world no one's going to believe it it's going to shock the world well you know what he finally did release that evidence so you're not going to believe it it the world has gone unshocked the world it's completely unshocked would you rather shock the world or be eaten by a shark you know what I'm going to take electrocution I will take electrocution every single time do you agree so he pick shock the world I guess this doesn't this doesn't seem good according to the world happiness report for the first time ever the United States is not among the top 20 happiest countries out of 143 countries we came in 23rd Place this year we're only one spot ahead of Germany which of you know I don't know of course we're not Happ we've got an election coming up we're going to have to choose between a dinosaur and a Rutan what even Slovenia which came in 21st place is a happier country than America which is another slap in the face for Melania Iceland is the third happiest country Denmark is second you know the happiest country in the world is GMA you want to guess Mexico no no uh Italy no not Italy Finland is the H the fins are the happiest people which makes sense you ever Google a picture of Finland this is a you good this is what Happ it popped up people have reindeers for cars there of course so the to the people people of Finland I say onet which means uh that means go choke on licorice we have many visitors from many happy countries here in Hollywood spring has sprung and the Boulevard in our neighborhood is once again packed with sweaty visitors from afar and some of those visitors most of the young ones stay just a couple doors down from us at a youth hostel there's a youth hostel called the same Sun youth hostel right down the street here their beds go for around 30 bucks a night the accom are not glamorous but they are cheap and tonight we are going to give a pair of young Travelers the chance to compete to move into a luxurious suite at the Hollywood rosev vot Hotel it's time to play hosel Lavista thank you our announcer Lou is outside with our contestants tonight hi Lou hey what's going on Jimmy Lou were you told in advance you'd be wearing that you know no no and uh and it's been a while since I put it on so it's it's tight in here it's looking great uh let's meet our players here have you met the players will you introduce our players of course we have Jorge and Veronica Jorge and Veronica Jorge where are you from Jorge I'm from Mexico Mexico for guys a little bird told me it's the happiest country in the world yeah it is look at me I mean Veronica where are you from I live in Switzerland Switzerland oh very good all right and you're here are do you like our country so far well I just arrived yesterday and uh I like it yeah you do is this your first time here yeah how about you Jorge no it's my second time here actually okay so you may have a little bit of an advantage here Jorge in this game I don't know we was a long time ago okay well we're not going to fight about it I'm just saying you might this is what you're playing for tonight you're playing for a luxury room at the historic Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel you'll enjoy a 700 ft site with a KingSize bed hardwood floors pillows the whole thing all you have to do to win is know more than your opponent does about this place you are visiting hello people on sightseeing tour bus all right I'm going to ask some questions about our city and state and whichever of you answers more of them correctly gets the room are you ready yes we are all right question number one what stadium located in Pasadena hosts a famous New Year's Day college football game of the same name Veronica California Stadium no that's a really good guess but it's not California Stadium Jorge you want to take a shot no I don't know okay well the answer is the Rose bow have you ever heard of the Rose Ball no actually no I'm sorry well next time maybe it'll ring a bell all right um what does this machine take a look at your screen machine measure this machine what does it measure earthquakes that is exactly right J it measures the that's a RoR scale it measures the Tremors in the earth corge you're ahead with temp do you have earthquakes in Switzerland Veronica not that I know all right well it seems like if one happens you'll know yeah uh J you've got the lead next question what is this man's job this man on the screen right there what is his job bring in if you know Veronica Veronica are you okay um politician he looks well that is correct but we'll need more specificity or a he's the governor he is the governor of California was that just a guess yeah of course it was a guest all right it's a good guess all right all right you got the lead Jorge there's a question question number four there's a famous park in Los Angeles named after its benefactor Griffith J Griffith what is that Park called buzzing if you know park jge marter park no it's not marter park named after uh its benefactor Griffith J Griffith Veronica do you know Griffith with Jay Griffith well yeah that's the name of the park it's Griffith Park all right Veronica you're back in the game next question what is the name of the professional sports team named after big sailing ships it is a basketball team yeah yeah yeah oh la it is on the tip Jorge Lakers no oh it is not the Lakers that is not a ship but it was the LA Cru not Cruisers not Cruisers the Cruisers oh my God no it is not the Cruisers it is the Clippers is what we look all right we're not allowed to say that word on television here Veronica I want to streets that's true okay Ari make a really good point all right all right let's go uh this is the only US president who was born in Southern California can you name him Jorge nion that's right Jorge you nailed it Jorge that's very good Jorge holy moly you know what I think Jorge's got an insurmountable lead I think we have a winner here Lou what do you think I think so yes uh I do want to to say to Hy congratulations you are on your way to the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel congratulations a beautiful Suite there but don't worry Veronica you're not going back to that hustle empty-handed for you we've got a roll of toilet paper and a slanket enjoy give her regards to everyone back home we will help you with your bags all right H you go with Lou Veronica you go back yeah all right you know we all right very good have fun and thank you for playing hostile [Applause] Lista

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 2,464,918

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Hollywood, Los Angeles, West Coast, March Madness, Basketball, College Hoops, Gonzaga, Bracket, Joe Biden, Donald Trump, Trump, Eric Trump, Don Jr, 2024 election, Nikki Haley, Republicans, Democrats, Politics, Ohio, Derek Myers, My Pillow, Mike Lindell, Man on the street, Hostel La Vista

Id: 5-7Pw59YDLI

Length: 17min 10sec (1030 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 21 2024