- I jump out of my car, and
I just had this moment where I look at him and said, "You
can't make me go to Mexico." (rock music) - Welcome to "This is Not Happening," presents "World of Blunder." If you've never been to the show before, this is a bunch of comics
telling fun stories about real shit that happened. Give it up for a very funny man, Mr. Trevor Moore
everybody, let him hear it. (audience applauding) - I went down with a bunch of friends to Comic-Con in San Diego. And it was fun, I did the
first day where you just go and you walk the floor and you
look at all the commercials for movies and stuff. But then by the second day, I was like, "All right, I've already seen it, "I want to do something else." So I thought it'd be fun to go to Tijuana, which is about 30 miles
south of San Diego. So I started telling people, "I think this is what
I'm going to do tomorrow. "I'm just gonna take the day "and go down to Tijuana for a
couple hours, and come back." And everybody that was
from San Diego was like, "Don't do that." (audience laughing) They were like, "Tijuana has changed a lot "in the last 10 years, there's
a giant drug war going on." And if you don't know what's happened, there's a drug cartel that
is basically completely paid off the army. And then there's another drug cartel that doesn't like the first drug cartel, and they've paid off the police. So, it's just constant war. And people disappear, they get kidnapped, and it's a very scary place. And so everybody was telling
me that, and I was like, "Eh, whatever." And, so I got one of
my friends to be like, "Yeah, I'll go down to Tijuana,
we'll go for a couple hours, "it'll be fun." And we're like, "Okay." So we got in the car, we
drive down, we're excited. We park the car on the American side, and we're walking through,
and there's no line. And we're like, "Terrific." So, we're going through
and there's this big wall that you can't see over, and
there's a building inside of it, and there's where
the Mexican customs is. So we walk through, we open the door to the other side, we're in Mexico, and the door shuts behind us. And the first thing we see,
is the longest goddamn line I have ever seen in my life to get back into the United States. It just, it went down a street,
came back, it went back, it was like, you couldn't
see the end of it. And we're just like, "Holy
shit, did we just make "a huge mistake? "Ah, what do we do?" And then there's another line
of cars, and the cars are all standstill, no one's moving. So, we start-- Oh, by the way, they're
right, Tijuana is terrifying. It's like a whole town that's
like that bar in Star Wars. (audience laughing) And, so like, you know,
we're just there, I try to buy a soda, and I swear to God, the guy selling me the soda was like, "Do you want to buy crystal?" And so is everybody, because
the only reason why people go down there anymore is to do illegal stuff. So everybody is trying
to sell illegal stuff. Someone offered us guns, it was crazy. So we're trying to find a way,
we're trying to figure out what we have to do. Do we
just get back in this line? Do we not see Tijuana at
all, just wait in this line? We start talking to people,
the line to get back into the United States is six hours. The car line is 10 hours. And it's because we came through on like the last Sunday of the month, and that's when everybody does
the going over, or something. I don't know. But they said... (audience laughs) That's when everybody does the going over. And ah, but they said it's like literally the worst day we could have
picked to go, so we're like freaking out, we don't know what to do. We talked to a guy who has a car, and he says he's a taxi guy. And we're like, "Okay." And he speaks a little
English, and he's saying, "Well, if you come back in a couple hours, "it dies down a little bit,
so just take a taxi ride. "Go to downtown, see some
stuff, and then come back." And we're like, "Okay, alright,
yeah maybe we'll do that." So then we get in the
taxi, and then he leaves, and he's not the guy
that's gonna drive us, some other guy gets in,
and then he takes off. And we're like, "What's going
on, where are we going?" And we're just driving
down this line of cars, and for the first time, we're
seeing how long this line of cars is, and it's miles. And we're like two miles
away from the border. We don't even know where
the border is anymore, because it's just a line of
cars, if you just follow that. And we're freaking out, and we're trying to get
the cab driver to stop, and he doesn't speak
any English whatsoever. We're like, we don't know
how hard it is to get a cab where we're going, we don't
know where we're going. So we're like, "Stop,"
and we're freaking out. And I'm trying to figure
out my high school Spanish, so, I know "coche" is "car",
and I'm saying like I think "alto" is "stop" 'cause
it sounds like alto. So I'm going like, "Alto!
Coche! Alto! Coche!" I find out later, "alto" means "tall," so I sound like a crazy person to him. And eventually we land on "No." Just where it's, "No, no,
no," we're just yelling "no no no no no" because
even "no" in Spanish is "no." (audience laughs) "No" means "no" universally. So he just stops the car,
we give him some money, and then we just start walking
back towards the border. And we're walking on
this elevated highway, with no sidewalk, and it's all these cars, they're all stopped, people are
just hanging out by the cars it's like one of those disaster
movies, where like the wave is gonna hit, or the
meteor hits, or something. And there's this whole
industry that's cropped up that's just people selling
stuff to everyone who's stuck in this day-long line. So people are like grilling meat, and there's all these little shops. There's this really weird
thing that's popular in Tijuana right now which
I don't understand, I tried to Google it,
and I still don't know. But we stop at this one guy's tent, and they all have this one thing, which is this giant framed velvet poster of Marilyn Monroe doing like that, "Oopsie, my dress is going up," pose. But she's also holding a
Tommy Gun and shooting people. (audience laughs) I don't know what that is, but that's huge in Tijuana right now. So, we're walking, it
takes us about two hours to get back to the border, and
so then we get to the border and we're talking to people,
and we find out that there's a guy who has a bus, and
if you give him some money, you can get on the bus, and
there's a special VIP bus lane to get over the border, and
that only takes two hours. So, we're like, "Okay, we
can do this whole thing "for four hours all together, fine." We pay the guy the money, and
we get on the bus, it takes two hours, we get over the
boarder, customs gets mad at us because my friend doesn't have a passport. But they let us through. We get through, and we're
like, just before kissing the ground, kind of,
like we're that excited. It feels so good to be back in
the United States of America, and you know, I've complained
about this country a lot, and I have my issues with it, but I've never been more
patriotic than coming back from four hours in Mexico. So we're celebrating,
and we're so excited, we get in our car, and
we're just like celebrating, we're like, "We did it, we did it! "We're gonna go back to
San Diego, this is awesome. "We're finally out of Mexico." And my car has a really shitty GPS system, where it likes to tell you to take a turn right as you're passing the turn. So we're driving, we're
celebrating, and my car's like, "Take a left," and the
left was back there. So I'm three lanes over,
I can't get over to it, so I'm like, "Oh no, I
just missed the left, "what's gonna happen?" And then the road that I was
on went right back into Mexico. (audience laughs) And, I went from being the
happiest I've ever been to the saddest I've ever been. I immediately we started freaking out, and he was like, "What did you do?" And I was like, "I was--
My GPS, it's a bad GPS. "I don't know, it's not my fault." And we're just driving towards-- and this Mexican flag
is just getting bigger as we're getting toward the border, and it's six lanes of traffic, one-way, and there's cement walls on the side so you can't pull over
on the curb or anything, and we're just getting
closer to this Mexican flag, we're freaking out, 'cause
now we have the car. And we can't even get, we
can't go back to the bus guy we gotta get in the 10 hour
line, and we're gonna be there til 4 in the morning,
and nothing good happens at four in the morning in Tijuana. So we're freaking out,
the sign's getting closer, I don't know what to do, so I panic. I just hit the brakes,
I jump out of my car. And the car just stops there, and the border patrol people go crazy. They don't like it when you do that. So, they're all yelling, they're like, "What is wrong with you? "Get back in your vehicle. "Get back in your vehicle." And I'm like, "I made a mistake, I don't want to go to Tijuana. "I was just there, and it's horrible, "and I don't want to go back." And, they're like, "Get
back in your vehicle." And I'm like, "I can't,
I just don't want to "go across the border." So then they're talking
on their walkie talkies, and they're all mad, and
there's this border patrol guy comes, and there's this metal fence that he can talk through at me, and he's like, "You have
to get back in your car, "and you have to go." And I'm like, I tell him the whole story. I'm like, "we were just there, "took all these hours to get back, "we're supposed to be back in San Diego, "I made a mistake with the GPS." He's like, "I don't care,
you're past the point, "you're in the lane of
traffic, you have to go, "get in your car and go." And I just had this moment
where I looked at him, and said, "You can't make me go to Mexico." (audience laughs and applauds) "I'm an American citizen,
you can't kick me "out of my country." And then he looked at me,
and then he started talking on his walkie talkie, and
everybody was like mad. I could see everybody
was upset about this, and then they all came out,
and they shut down six lanes of traffic to let our car go across. They shut down the whole border to Mexico. So, we got to the other
side, and they just descended on the car, and they were like
shinning lights in our eyes like, "Are you high, are you
drunk, what is wrong with you?" And I was like, "I, honestly,
we're just stupid, I'm sorry." And, they were like, "Get out of here." And we drove, and we
didn't celebrate this time, because, so I didn't want to jinx it. I thought if we like celebrated a little, the border would pop out of nowhere, and be like, "You're back in Mexico!" So, we got home, and that
was just the most traumatized I've ever been in my life. And the only thing that I learned
about it is that no matter how much you fuck up, and no
matter what you do in life, nobody can make you go to Mexico. (audience laughing and applauding) That's the only thing I learned. Thank you guys. (electronic music) - Trevor Moore everybody. Thank you very much Trevor Moore. If you want to, check out his sketch show Whitest Kids U'Know, it's great. And he also has some videos
up on YouTube right now. Founding Fathers is a
really good one, Pope, Tom Hank's an Asshole,
there's a bunch of good ones. Check out Founding Fathers. Last week, I asked you to post
the best videos of trouble with the law, from David Tecno's story, and you guys did some awesome ones, there were some great stories
there in the comments section. So here's one that I really liked. Next week, because of this story, When Trevor was trying to go around and everyone is yelling at him, and everyone got road rage on him, I want to hear your best
stories about road rage. So I want to see what you guys write. So write something awesome
in the comments section, we'll post the best one next week during the Fortune Feimster story. Don't forget to click on the Reddit link to join in the conversation
and hashtag us on Twitter, "This is Not Happening." And that's it, until next week everybody. I'll see you next Tuesday.
Hi guys! Glad you liked the story! I looked online to try and find the painting that I was talking about - this si the closest I could get. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kyBF9VuQMJ4/T4eMN0sL1gI/AAAAAAAADxs/W8-CsNxTtnc/s1600/011.JPG
I live in San Diego. This man speaks truth. TJ used to be fun, you used to not need a passport, cab drivers used to speak basic english. All of these things have changed for the worse.
Thanks Ari, thanks Trevor!
Spoiler Alert! Fucking punchline @ 00:00:06.
Jump to the 30 second mark.
He was actually battling it out with the U.S. Border Patrol.
I end up in Mexico once, I was drunk and tired sitting in back seat of my car while my friend is supposedly driving back home, I woke up in Mexico. We were lost!
I'm green card holder and I have no Visa for Mexico. Also don't have greencard on hand.
Got stop at border patrol, could have gotten away with just showing my ID but my dumb friend smoked some weed and rolled a joint in the car earlier that night, now dog is scratching up my car and getting impounded.
Now they want everything. They put me in holding cell. My sister have to fly down, rent a car to show them my green card which they didn't even take a look at it. I was the only Asia guy in there, all the Mexicans were like WTF he doing here..
also have to pay like $500 in cash to get my car out.
Now I have hard time getting Citizenship in USA. They keep bringing up the unauthorized border crossing.
Awesome!
love the series man. this and getting doug with high are my 2 youtube series i keep waiting for new episodes
Yaay! I've been anticipating Trevor's appearance since the first time I saw the opening scene. This was fucking great. I think there's a lot of people in America, at least where I live in the Midwest that don't fully understand how screwed Mexico is.
I didn't myself til a couple years ago when I met some of my grandparents' friends that told stories of schools getting shot at and their mayor's nephews getting kidnapped and dismembered. Shit's crazy, yo.