Tim Hawkins - Generic Groceries

you could totally do comedy just talk about your life man I do I just talk about how I just grew up never got good groceries we never got good groceries always got discount groceries we did my mom was frugal kid's Frugal that's a German word it means are those your dreams not anymore you need to find new dreams uh you know my mom always went to discount grocery stores you can always tell us a discount grocery store by the name sack and save sack a lot a lot of sack sack of crap you know one of these places got to bring your own box cutter if you want groceries does anybody work here you remember those old grocery stores the bathrooms were in the back how creepy was that go back through the gray doors there's like an illegal dog fight going on in the corner it's my dead uncle from 40 years ago always got discount generic groceries that's what we got generic groceries so it was in a black and white package no artwork it's like some kind of homeschool project you know no color just black and white generic always had a different name for something you wanted but you never got my friends did I didn't like my friends got Cheetos we got orange puffy sticks that's what we do never got hamburger helper it was beef assistant that's what they call [Applause] it's not a very good assistant it's like Mommy I want Wheat Thin salty Brown squares right in the cart sweetie how about Dr Pepper Dr Thunder honey you're gonna love Dr Thunder it's just like Dr Pepper with a little bit of garlic in it you're gonna love it sweetie it's an acquired taste those battery acid can we get some normal soda well then she got Shasta remember Shasta anybody remember Shasta Cola 10 cans for a dime how'd they stay in business she has to had all the flavors man grape Cherry lemon lime ranch Thousand Island you remember those never got Oreos we had Hydrox remember Hydrox that's not the name of a cookie that's the name of an acne medication for crying out loud that white stuff's not cream that zitu's from some middle schooler on a Sunday morning that's what that is I know it's gross I agree I agree I didn't I love cereal but I never got my good good cereal never got good cereal my friends would spend the night hey dude you got Cheerios we got toast 10 pound bag Santa Claus is Coming to Town [Applause] yeah we use it for a beanbag chair on movie night [Applause] I hated toasted holes there's never a toy at the bottom of toasted ho just a coupon for the bag of stink and toasted holes eight more years of hell tasted like Ezekiel bread with milk on it that's what it tasted [Applause] some of you are having flashbacks right now

Channel: timhawkinscomedy

Views: 452,426

Keywords: generic, discount, groceries, grocery, store, funny, humor, standup, comedian

Id: FzP9xhQZi3E

Length: 3min 26sec (206 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 17 2023