ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON "MARRIAGE TODAY WITH JIMMY & KAREN"... JIMMY: AND I'VE GOT SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU THIS MORNING. MARRIAGE WORKS WHEN YOU DO IT GOD'S WAY. I TELL PEOPLE THIS ALL OVER THE WORLD. YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. NO ONE MAY HAVE EVER SAID THAT TO YOU, AND YOU MAY NOT FEEL THAT WAY. BUT YOU HAVE A 100% SUCCESS. YOU WERE MADE FOR MARRIAGE IN YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB. BUT IT WORKS GOD'S WAY. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE 10 WARNING SIGNS OF DIVORCE. AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO WRITE THESE DOWN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO CLOSELY EXAMINE YOUR OWN LIFE AND JUST SEE IF ANY OF THESE THINGS ARE TRUE. YOU MAY BE SINGLE, YOU MAY BE DIVORCED, YOU MAY BE MARRIED, WHATEVER STATE THAT YOU'RE IN. BUT ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE MARRIED. JUST SEE IF THESE THINGS ARE TRUE FOR YOU. 10 WARNING SIGNS OF DIVORCE. IF THESE THINGS ARE PRESENT, IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE GONNA GET A DIVORCE. BUT THE MORE OF THESE THAT ARE PRESENT, THE MORE AT RISK YOU ARE. NUMBER ONE WARNING SIGN OF DIVORCE IS LACK OF PRE-MARRIAGE PREPARATION. THAT YOU DIDN'T GET TRAINING BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED. MARRIAGE IS A VERY IMPORTANT AND A COMPLEX RELATIONSHIP, AND IT REQUIRES UNDERSTANDING. KAREN AND I GOT MARRIED AT 19 YEARS OLD AND WE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING. THE ONLY ADVICE I GOT WAS FROM MY FRIENDS. THEY SAID, "EVANS, YOU'RE MAKING A TERRIBLE MISTAKE." THAT WAS MY PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING RIGHT THERE. WE METWE MET THE PREACHER WHO MARRIED US THE MORNING HE MARRIED US. I MEAN, LITERALLY, I NEVER GOT ANY ADVICE. AND THERE ARE TWO HORRIBLE THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN YOU DON'T GET PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING. ONE IS YOU HAVE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS CONCERNING MARRIAGE. PRE-MARRIAGE HELPS YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHAT TO EXPECT AND WHAT NOT TO EXPECT, THE REALITIES OF MARRIAGE. AND THE OTHER TERRIBLE THING ABOUT NOT GETTING PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING IS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE INHERENT DIFFERENCES IN YOUR SPOUSE. GOD MADE US DIFFERENT. AND THOSE DIFFERENCES CAN BE DYNAMIC OR THEY CAN BE DANGEROUS. AND WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO CHANGE THE INHERENT NATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX, YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT, RELATED TO MARRIAGE. NUMBER 2 WARNING SIGN OF DIVORCE IS COMING FROM A BROKEN HOME OR HAVING BEEN DIVORCED. NOW, CHILDREN OF DIVORCE ARE MORE FEARFUL OF MARRIAGE. CHILDREN OF DIVORCE HAVE A LOT MORE ANXIETY RELATED TO CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE. WHERE THE AVERAGE COUPLE MIGHT TALK OR ARGUE OR FIGHT, WHEN YOU COME OUT OF A BACKGROUND OF DIVORCE, YOU HAVE MUCH MORE ANXIETY ABOUT IT AND YOU'RE MORE PRONE TO DIVORCE. BECAUSE IT'S A HABIT PATTERN. IT'S WHAT YOU SAW FROM YOUR PAST. EVERY TIME YOU DIVORCE, YOUR CHANCES OF DIVORCE GO UP 10%. SO IF YOU'RE REMARRIED, ACTUALLY YOUR CHANCES OF DIVORCE WENT UP. YOU'RE NOT CURSED BECAUSE OF IT. WHAT I'M SAYING TODAY REALLY CAN, AND IN THIS SERIES YOU'RE LISTENING TO, YOU CAN SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DIVORCE. YOU'RE NOT CURSED BECAUSE OF YOUR PAST. BUT YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND, IF YOU HAVE A NEGATIVE HISTORY OF DIVORCE, YOU NEED TO STUDY EVEN HARDER. YOU NEED TO COMMIT YOURSELF TO LEARNING THE RIGHT WAY, RATHER THAN REACTING IN FEAR AND REACTING BASED ON YOUR PAST. YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND GOD'S WAY. NUMBER 3... WARNING SIGN OF DIVORCE IS COHABITING BEFORE MARRIAGE. AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE DOING THAT THESE DAYS, LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE THEY GET MARRIED. THE DIVORCE RATE FOR THE FIRST-TIME MARRIAGES IS SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 40- AND 50%. THE DIVORCE RATE FOR PEOPLE WHO COHABIT BEFORE THEY MARRY IS 70%. YOU ONLY HAVE A 30% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IF YOU COHABIT. NOW, AGAIN, THIS IS NOT A CURSE. YOU CAN CHANGE THIS THIS MORNING. BUT THE REASON IS BECAUSE WHEN YOU COHABIT, THERE'S A LACKTHERE'S A COMMITMENT PROBLEM DAY ONE. IF YOU WERE COMMITTED, YOU WOULD MARRY. BUT YOU'RE NOT COMMITTED, AND THAT'S WHY YOU LIVE TOGETHER. AND A LOT OF PEOPLE FEEL LIKE IF WE LIVE TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE, WE CAN, YOU KNOW, SEE IF WE REALLY ARE COMPATIBLE AND ALL THOSE THINGS LIKE THAT. THERE'S MORE ABUSE WHERE THERE'S COHABITATION. THERE'S MORE INFIDELITY WHERE THERE'S COHABITATION. AND THERE'S MUCH GREATER FAILURE OF THOSE RELATIONSHIPS. AND MEN AND WOMEN LIVE TOGETHER FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. WOMEN LIVE TOGETHER WITH A MAN BECAUSE THEY WANT TO SECURE HIM AND THEY WANT THE RELATIONSHIP TO GO TO THE NEXT STEP, WHICH IS MARRIAGE. WOMEN ARE SAYING, I'LL LIVE WITH YOU, BUT I WANT THIS TO TURN INTO MARRIAGE. MEN LIVE TOGETHER WITH WOMEN BECAUSE THEY GET ALL THE BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE WITHOUT A COMMITMENT. MEN AND WOMEN LIVE TOGETHER FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. SO I'M GONNA TALK TO THE LADIES HERE, 'CAUSE YOU CAN STOP THIS DEAD IN ITS TRACKS, LADIES. IF A MAN TELLS YOU THAT HE LOVES YOU, DON'T BELIEVE HIM... [LAUGHTER] UNTIL HE BUYS YOU A BIG GAUDY RING... [LAUGHTER] GETS IN FRONT OF A PREACHER AND YOUR FAMILY AND GOD, AND COMMITS TO YOU IN MARRIAGE. AND UNTIL HE DOES THAT, HE DOESN'T REALLY LOVE YOU. AND HE SAYS, WELL, I LOVE YOU, I WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER. AND YOU SAY, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. I'M TOO VALUABLE. I'M NOT GIVING MYSELF TO ANY MAN WHO'S NOT WILLING TO PAY THE PRICE. AND THE PRICE IS RIGHT THERE, JACK. YOU PUT A RING RIGHT THERE. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] WOMEN CAN STOP THIS THING OVERNIGHT. AND I KNOW SOME OF YOU ARE LIVINGSOME OF YOU HAVE LIVED TOGETHER, AND THAT'S I'M SAYINGGOD FORGIVE YOU, YOU KNOW, AND HE WILL. AND YOU'RE NOT CURSED. BUT YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH THIS COMMITMENT ISSUE NOW. COMMIT. BUT IF YOU'RE LIVING TOGETHER, AND SOME OF YOU ARE LIVING TOGETHER RIGHT NOWI KNOW YOU AREAND SO SOME OF YOU ARE LIVING TOGETHER. I'M SAYING THIS TO YOU NOW. EITHER MOVE OUT OR MARRY. YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT ISSUE, FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. NUMBER 4 WARNING SIGN OF DIVORCE IS WEAK SPIRITUAL FOUNDATIONS. ONLY GOD CAN MEET OUR DEEPEST NEEDS. OUR DEEPEST NEEDS ARE ACCEPTANCE, IDENTITY, SECURITY, AND PURPOSE. ALL OF US HAVE THE SAME DEEPEST NEEDS. ACCEPTANCE, IDENTITY, SECURITY, AND PURPOSE. YOUR SPOUSE CAN'T MEET THOSE NEEDS. NEVER, NEVER CAN A HUMAN BEING MEET THOSE NEEDS IN A TRUE WAY. ONLY GOD CAN MEET THOSE NEEDS. AND WHEN WE DON'T TRUST GOD TO MEET OUR DEEPEST NEEDS, WE TRANSFER THE EXPECTATION OF THAT TO THE PEOPLE CLOSEST AROUND US, ESPECIALLY OUR SPOUSE. AND SO WHEN KAREN AND I GOT MARRIED I GOT SAVED THE WEEK BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED. I HAD VERY WEAK SPIRITUAL FOUNDATIONS. I WANTED KAREN TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS SOMEBODY. IDENTITY. I WANTED KAREN TO GIVE ME SECURITY. I WANTED KAREN TO MAKE ME FEEL LOVED. I WANTED KAREN TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I HAD A PURPOSE IN LIFE. EVERYTHING THAT JESUS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING FOR ME, I WAS TRYING TO SQUEEZE IT OUT OF KAREN. SO, YOU NEED STRONG SPIRITUAL FOUNDATIONS FOR YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK. NUMBER 5 PREDICTOR OF DIVORCE IS POOR RELATIONAL SUPPORT. FIRST CORINTHIANS 15, WHERE I ASKED YOU TO TURN THERE"DO NOT BE DECEIVED. EVIL COMPANY CORRUPTS GOOD HABITS." DON'T BE DECEIVED. THE PEOPLE THAT YOU PUT AROUND YOU WILL CORRUPT YOUR HABITS IF THEY HAVE BAD MORALS. NOW, A FRIEND OF MINE, GARY ROSBERG, HE AND HIS WIFE BARB HAVE A RADIO PROGRAM CALLED "AMERICA'S FAMILY COACHES," AND ON THEIR RADIO PROGRAM, WHEN SOMEONE CALLS IN TO THEIR RADIO PROGRAM AND SAYS THEY'RE GETTING DIVORCED, GARY SAYS THIS TO THEM: WHO ELSE AROUND YOU IS GETTING A DIVORCE? AND HE TOLD ME, HE SAID IN ALMOST EVERY CASE, THERE ARE OTHERS GETTING DIVORCED. ADULTERY AND DIVORCE RUN IN GROUPS. THEY RUN IN GROUPS OF FRIENDS. UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO, SECULAR STUDY FOUND THAT PEOPLE WHO STAY MARRIED HAVE FRIENDS WHO SUPPORT THEM STAYING TOGETHER AND WHO HAVE A LOW OPINION OF DIVORCE. IF THE PEOPLE THAT ARE AROUND YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN DIVORCE AND WANT YOU TO STAY TOGETHER, YOU'VE GOT A SUPPORT GROUP AROUND YOU TO HELP YOU WORK THROUGH PROBLEMS. ALL OF US GO THROUGH PROBLEMS. ALL OF US ARE GONNA HAVE DIFFICULT TIMES. BUT WHEN WE GO THROUGH DIFFICULT TIMES, WE NEED THE RIGHT PEOPLE AROUND US. WE DON'T NEED PEOPLE AROUND US THAT WANT US TO GO TO A STRIP BAR OR TO HAPPY HOUR OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, THAT ARE MAN-HATERS OR WOMAN-HATERS. THAT HAVE THEIR OWN BONE TO PICK WITH, YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY IN THEIR LIFE, MAYBE THEIR WIFE OR HUSBAND OR EX-WIFE OR EX-HUSBAND THAT THEY WANT TO PUT OVER ON US. YOU DON'T NEED SOMEONE ENCOURAGING YOU TO DO THE WRONG THING. YOU NEED SOMEBODY TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO THE RIGHT THING. AND SO MAYBE AT WORK OR MAYBE A FRIEND OR MAYBE A FAMILY MEMBER, SOMETHING LIKE THAT. YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN YOUR CLOSE CIRCLE WHO ENCOURAGES YOU TO DO THE WRONG THING IS A BAD INFLUENCE. DON'T HATE THEM, YOU KNOW, BUT KEEP THEM AT A DISTANCE. YOU PUTMAKE RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE A GOOD VALUE SYSTEM AND WILL SUPPORT YOU DURING BAD TIMES. NUMBER 6 PREDICTOR OF DIVORCECHRONIC CRITICISM AND NEGATIVITY. JOHN GOTTMAN AT THE UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON ACTUALLY SAYS THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE PREDICTOR OF DIVORCE. NOW, THERE'S COMPLAINING AND THERE'S CRITICIZING. ALL OF US NEED TO COMPLAIN IN MARRIAGE. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT THING THAT WE LEARN TO DO. COMPLAINING, THOUGH, IS ABOUT ME. CRITICISM IS ABOUT YOU. HERE'S WHAT A COMPLAINT IS. I GO TO KAREN AND I SAY TO HER, YOU KNOW, KAREN, YOU SAID THIS A WHILE AGO, AND, YOU KNOW, IT HURT MY FEELINGS. NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT BY THAT. YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T MEAN BY THAT WHAT I TOOK FROM IT. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD WHEN YOU SAY THINGS LIKE THAT. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I DIDN'T ATTACK HER. I DIDN'T CRITICIZE HER. I JUST COMPLAINED. IT'S ABOUT ME. CRITICISM IS THIS. YOU COLD-HEARTED DEVIL... YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER. [LAUGHTER] YOU'RE LOOKING LIKE HER MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY. [LAUGHTER] AND YOU'RE SOUNDING MORE AND MORE LIKEYOU SEE, IT'S THIS IT'S ABOUTIT'S NOT ABOUT ME NOW. I'M NOT TELLING YOU HOW I FEEL AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT BY THIS. NO, I'M TELLING YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEANT BY THIS. THAT'S CRITICISM, AND IT WOUNDS OUR SPIRIT. YOU CAN'T BE INTIMATE WITH A PERSON THAT YOU DON'T TRUST, BECAUSE THE HOLY OF HOLIES IS OUR HEARTS. PROVERBS 18. "A MAN'S STOMACH SHALL BE SATISFIED FROM THE FRUIT OF HIS MOUTH. FROM THE PRODUCE OF HIS LIPS HE SHALL BE FILLED. DEATH AND LIFE ARE IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE, AND THOSE WHO LOVE IT WILL EAT ITS FRUIT. HE WHO FINDS A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING AND OBTAINS FAVOR FROM THE LORD." ISN'T IT INTERESTING THAT THOSE TWO VERSES GO TOGETHER? THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH IS IN MY MOUTH, AND WHEN I FIND A WIFE I FIND A GOOD THING. BUT I CAN JUST TELL YOU RIGHT NOW THAT WOMEN DRAMATICALLY RESPOND TO WHAT WE SAYGOOD OR BAD. OUR WORDS ARE LIKE SEEDS, AND WHEN WE SPEAK A WORD, WE'RE GONNA GET A HARVEST FROM IT, GOOD OR BAD. THAT'S WHAT THIS SAY RIGHT HERE. DEATH OR LIFE, GOOD OR BAD, WE'RE GONNA GET A HARVEST FROM WHAT WE SPEAK. LET ME TALK, GO BACK TO COMPLAINING. ALL OF US NEED TO COMPLAIN IN MARRIAGE, AND WE NEED TO HAVE A MARRIAGE WHERE WE ALLOW OUR SPOUSE TO COMPLAIN. AND HERE'S WHAT YOU SAY TO YOUR SPOUSE. I WANT TO PLEASE YOU, I WANT TO BE A GOOD SPOUSE TO YOU, AND IF I'M DOING SOMETHING WRONG, I WANT YOU TO TELL ME. PLEASE BE NICE. BUT I WANT YOU TO TELL ME. AND YOU WON'T PAY A PRICE. I WON'T BROWBEAT YOU, I WON'T PUNISH YOU, I WON'T WITHDRAW FROM YOU. I MAY NOT AGREE WITH YOU, BUT WE WANT TO HAVE A MARRIAGE THAT IS HONEST, AND SO I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME, OK? FOR EVERY COMPLAINT THAT YOU OFFER YOUR SPOUSE, YOU OUGHT TO OFFER 10 COMPLIMENTS AND THINGS THAT YOU PRAISE THEM ABOUT. YOU HAVE TO EARN YOUR RIGHT TO COMPLAIN. IF ALL YOU DO IS COMPLAIN AND NITPICK, IT'S GONNA DEVASTATE THE RELATIONSHIP. YOU NEED TO TELLTHINK OF PRAISE IS A DISCIPLINE THAT REMINDS US WHAT IS RIGHT. AND MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE, WE WE SEE EACH OTHER'S PROBLEMS. WE SEE EACH OTHER'S ISSUES. IT'S OK TO COMPLAIN. IT'S OK TO DO THAT. BUT YOU'VE GOT TO EARN THAT RIGHT. AND BY PRAISING I'M JUST REMINDING MYSELF WHY I MARRIED YOU. I'M REMINDING MYSELF WHY I LOVE YOU. AND I'M ALSO COMING INTO YOUR WORLD AND HELPING YOU TOHELP TO BUILD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM. ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS WE DO AS SPOUSES IS BUILD EACH OTHER'S SELF-ESTEEM. THAT'S WHY GOD PUT US IN EACH OTHER'S LIVES. YOUR MOUTH CAN EITHER BUILD A PERSON UP OR TEAR A PERSON DOWN. THAT'S JUST YOUR CHOICE OF HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. BUILD YOUR SPOUSE UP. COMPLIMENT YOUR SPOUSE. TELL THEM WHAT'S RIGHT ABOUT THEM. AND DON'T GET CRITICAL. COMPLAIN, BUT DON'T CRITICIZE. NUMBER 7... PREDICTOR OF DIVORCE IS CHRONIC ANGER AND UNRESOLVED CONFLICT. NOW, AGAIN, JOHN GOTTMAN, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON, THIS IS ONE OF HIS 4 PREDICTORS OF DIVORCE, IS CONTEMPT, IT'S LONG-TERM ANGER. NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ANGRY. THE BIBLE SAYS IN EPHESIANS 4:26, "BE ANGRY, BUT DO NOT SIN. DON'T LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR WRATH NOR GIVE PLACE TO DIABOLUS." THE WORD DEVIL THERE IS SLANDER, OK? BE ANGRY. GOD GETS ANGRY. JESUS GOT ANGRY. AT THE BEGINNING OF HIS MINISTRY AND AT THE END OF HIS MINISTRY, HE DROVE TRADERS OUT OF THE TEMPLE WITH A WHIP. AND SO GOD GETS ANGRY. OK? BUT GOING TO BED ON ANGER IS REALLY, REALLY DANGEROUS. YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR ANGER NOW. TODAY'S ANGER IS VERY MANAGEABLE. NO PROBLEM WITH IT. YESTERDAY'S ANGER IS A DESTROYER. THE BIBLE SAYS GO AHEAD AND BE ANGRY, BUT DO NOT SIN. SEE, A LOT OF PEOPLE, IN MARRIAGE ESPECIALLY, THEY GET ANGRY, BUT THEY SIN. THEY CURSE THEIR SPOUSE OUT, THEY MAKE THREATS, THEY DO HORRIBLE THINGS, THEY ACT LIKE A CHILD, AND THEN THEY SAY, WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT. WELL, THEY MADE ME MAD. OK, WELL, WE NEED TO BE THE ADULT IN THE RELATIONSHIP. GET YOUR FEELINGS OUT. HAVE AN HONEST RELATIONSHIP, WHERE YOU'RE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND FORGIVE. AND JUST MAKE THIS COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHERWE'RE NOT GONNA GO TO BED ANGRY. WE'RE GONNA STAY UP UNTIL WE GET THIS THING WORKED OUT. NOW, KAREN AND I GO TO BED PRETTY EARLY. MY BEDTIME'S SOMEWHERE AROUND 9:00 AND 10:00 AT NIGHT. AND SO BY 9:00 OR 10:00 I'M REAL HUMBLE. BY 11:00, IT'S ALL MY FAULT. [LAUGHTER] BY MIDNIGHT, IT ALWAYS WILL BE MY FAULT. [LAUGHTER] I JUST GET MORE HUMBLE. SO STAY UP TILL YOU GET HUMBLE ENOUGH TO FIX THE THING, THEN GO TO BED. OK. NUMBER 8 PREDICTOR IS BLAME TRANSFER. AND THIS IS ALSO CALLED DEFENSIVENESS. IF YOU WILL NOT ALLOW YOUR SPOUSE THE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN, YOU BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT. THAT'S WHY YOU WON'T ALLOW THEM TO COMPLAIN. BLAME TRANSFER. GOD CAME TO ADAM WHEN THEY SINNED AND SAID, ADAM, WHAT IS THIS THAT YOU'VE DONE? HE SAID, IT'S HER FAULT. HE WENT TO EVE AND SAID, EVE, WHAT IS THIS THAT YOU'VE DONE? SHE SAID, THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT. BOTH OF THEM TRANSFERRED THE BLAME. THAT'S THE ORIGINAL SIN OF MARRIAGE, IS BLAME TRANSFER. AND SO LET ME SAY THIS TO YOU, AND I WANTTHIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND. IT'CAUSE I'M A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. YOUR SPOUSE ISN'T ALL THE PROBLEM. RARELY ARE THEY ALL THE PROBLEM. AND YOU MIGHT SAY, WELL, I'M JUST 15% OF THE PROBLEM. OK. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT YOUR 15%? 'CAUSE WHAT YOU OUGHT TO DO IS TO ADMIT, HONEY, I'VE GOT A PROBLEM, AND I REPENT TO YOU. AND I'M GONNA DEAL WITH MY PROBLEM. BECAUSE IF YOU START THE HUMILITY AND THE CONFESSION, MAYBE THEY'LL CATCH ON. BUT EVEN IF THEY DON'T, FIRST PETER 2 AND 3 MAKE A PROMISE TO US, AND THAT PROMISE IS, IS IF WE WILL BE A REDEEMER, THE WAY JESUS WAS REDEEMER, WE WERE ALL IN THE WRONG AND GOD WAS ALL IN THE RIGHT. BUT EVEN THOUGH HE WAS ALL IN THE RIGHT, HE CAME DOWN AND REDEEMED US THROUGH HIS SACRIFICIAL LOVE. AND THE PROMISE IN FIRST PETER 3 IS IF WE WILL LOVE OUR SPOUSE WHEN THEY'RE DOING THE WRONG THING, THE WAY JESUS LOVED US, THAT WITHOUT A WORD GOD WILL CHANGE THEM IF WE BECOME HIS PARTNER IN REDEMPTIVE LOVE. NUMBER 9 PREDICTOR OF DIVORCE IS A NONCOMMITTED SHOPPER'S MENTALITY RELATED TO YOUR SPOUSE AND MARRIAGE. AND BY THE WAY, ONE OF THE REASONS THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE LIVE TOGETHER IS THEY HAVEN'T DECIDED. THEY'RE STILL SHOPPING. AND IF THAT'S NOT TRUE, THEY'D MARRY. A SHOPPER'S MENTALITY THAT SAYS, I WAS SHOPPING, I FOUND YOU, YOU'RE MY CHOICE, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'VE STOPPED SHOPPING. YOU BETTER STAY IN SHAPE. YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR ATTITUDE. YOU BETTER DO THE RIGHT THING, 'CAUSE IF A BETTER MODEL EVER COMES AROUND, I'M TRADING YOU IN. AND THAT'S WHAT IT IS. AS OPPOSED TO A COVENANT COMMITMENT IN MARRIAGE THAT SAYS, YOU'RE MY FINAL CHOICE. AND IT WILL BE DEATH THAT SEPARATES US. NOT MURDER, DEATH. NATURAL DEATH. [LAUGHTER] YOU HAVE TO MAKE THAT DISTINCTION NOWADAYS. YOU'RE MY FINAL CHOICE. AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU GO THROUGH. IT DOESN'T MATTER AGE, SICKNESS, PROBLEMS, DIFFICULTIES. YOU'RE MY FINAL CHOICE. AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO I SEE AT WORK. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO I SEE ACROSS THE STREET. IT DOESN'T MATTER THE DIFFICULTIES WE GO THROUGH. I ENDED MY SELECTION PROCESS WHEN I CHOSE YOU. I HAVE MADE A DECISION THAT KAREN EVANS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD, PERIOD. AND THAT WILL BE TRUE WHEN SHE'S 100 YEARS OLD. SHE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD, AND WE WILL BE MARRIED UNTIL DEATH SEPARATES US. THAT'S THE CHOICE THAT I'VE MADE. NUMBER 10, AND THIS IS THE POINT YOU HAVE BEEN LONGING FOR ALL MORNING. NUMBER 10, A NON-SCRIPTURAL SECULARIZED VIEW OF MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE. A SECULAR VIEW OF MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE. HERE IT IS RIGHT HERE, MATTHEW 19. WE'LL END WITH THIS. "THE PHARISEES CAME TO HIM, JESUS, TESTING HIM AND SAYING TO HIM, IS IT LAWFUL FOR A MAN TO DIVORCE HIS WIFE FOR JUST ANY REASON?" THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT THEY MEANT. "HE ANSWERED AND SAID TO THEM, HAVE YOU NOT READ THAT HE WHO MADE THEM AT THE BEGINNING MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, AND SAID, FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH? SO, THEN, THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE FLESH. THEREFORE, WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NOT MAN SEPARATE. THEY SAID TO HIM, WHY, THEN, DID MOSES COMMAND A MAN TO GIVE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND TO PUT HER AWAY? HE SAID, MOSES, BECAUSE OF THE HARDNESS OF YOUR HEARTS, PERMITTED YOU TO DIVORCE YOUR WIVES, BUT FROM THE BEGINNING IT WAS NOT SO. AND I SAY TO YOU, WHOEVER DIVORCES HIS WIFE, EXCEPT FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY, AND MARRIES ANOTHER, COMMITS ADULTERY. AND WHOEVER MARRIES HER WHO IS DIVORCED COMMITS ADULTERY." NOW, THIS SCRIPTURE GOES TOGETHER WITH FIRST CORINTHIANS CHAPTER 7, WHERE THE APOSTLE PAUL IS TALKING ABOUT ABANDONMENT AND ABUSE, THE PAULINE EXCEPTION. SO THESE TWO ARE PUT TOGETHER. ABANDONMENT, ADULTERY, ABUSE. THOSE ARE THE 3 REASONS THAT A PERSON CAN JUSTIFY DIVORCE. JESUS HAS A GROUP OF RELIGIOUS MEN, RELIGIOUS LEADERS, AND THEY MEAN EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAID. CAN WE DIVORCE OUR WIVES FOR ANY CAUSE AT ALL? HE SAID, WHAT GOD...WHAT GOD... YOU LEAVE ALONE. MARRIAGE IS SACRED. MARRIAGE IS NOT A PCE OF PAPER. IT IS AN ACT OF THE SPIRIT OF GOD. AND YOU CAN TEAR UP THE PCE OF PAPER, BUT GOD IS STILL THERE. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A CLEAN DIVORCE. YOU TAKE PART OF THAT PERSON WITH YOU. 10 YEARS AFTER A DIVORCE, RESEARCH PROVES MOST EX-SPOUSES ARE STILL ANGRY AND STILL HAVE FEELINGS OF LOVE. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE WHEN YOU GOT MARRIED, GOD... JESUS SAID, THEY'RE NOT TWO, THEY'RE ONE. HAVEN'T YOU READ YOUR BIBLE? THAT GOD MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE AND THEY'RE NO LONG TWO BUT ONE? WHAT GOD...LEAVE IT ALONE. WELL, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT TEACHING. YOU KNOW, IT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT WE GET THE RIGHT INFORMATION TO BE MARRIED. YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. YOU REALLY DO. AND I KNOW SOMEONE MAY HAVE TOLD YOU DIFFERENT, OR YOU MAY FEEL DIFFERENT, BUT YOU CAN SUCCEED. YOU JUST NEED THE RIGHT INFORMATION. AND THIS IS JUST A SMALL PART OF THE FULL "INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE" SEMINAR, AND WHEN I SAY INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE, I MEAN YOU CAN HAVE A MARRIAGE THAT'S INDESTRUCTIBLE. AND SO WE HAVE A FULL "INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE" SEMINAR THAT WE WANT TO PUT INTO YOUR HANDS. LET ME SAY, EVERY TIME YOU SUPPORT US FINANCIALLY WE WANT YOU TO BE BLESSED, BUT WE WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU'RE HELPING PEOPLE ACROSS AMERICA AND AROUND THE WORLD. PEOPLE SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN STAY TOGETHER WITH THEIR PARENTS, AND FAMILIES STAYING TOGETHER. RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT TO SUPPORT THE MINISTRY AND MISSION OF "MARRIAGE TODAY," WE'LL SEND YOU MY BOOK, "7 SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES." FOR YOUR GIFT OF $55 OR MORE RIGHT NOW, WE'RE GONNA SEND YOU THE FULL 8-PART "INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE" CD SERIES, PLUS THE "7 SECRETS" BOOK. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $90 OR MORE, WE'RE GONNA SEND YOU THE DVD SERIES, THE FULL 8-PART DVD SERIES, PLUS THE "7 SECRETS" BOOK, AND LET ME TELL YOU, THIS CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I MEAN, IT CAN HELP YOU SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE, NUMBER ONE. IT CAN HELP YOU SOLVE PROBLEMS IF YOU ARE MARRIED. IT CAN TAKE AWAY THE FEAR, YOU KNOW, IF YOU'VE HAD A FAILED MARRIAGE BEFORE. BUT IT CAN ALSO CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND YOUR FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS. IT REALLY CAN. WE WANT TO PUT THESE IMPORTANT RESOURCES INTO YOUR HANDS AS YOU HELP SUPPORT THE MINISTRY AND MISSION OF "MARRIAGE TODAY." AND HERE'S HOW YOU CAN GET IT. ANNOUNCER: SUPPORT "MARRIAGE TODAY" WITH YOUR BEST GIFT AND RECEIVE THE SERIES "THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE." WE'LL ALSO INCLUDE THE BOOK "7 SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES." THE CD SERIES AND BOOK ARE YOURS FOR A GIFT OF $55 OR MORE. THE DVD SERIES AND BOOK FOR $90 OR MORE. "THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE" SERIES WILL SHOW YOU THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF LOVE AND WHY ONLY ONE KIND WILL LAST. KEYS TO DIVORCE-PROOF AND AFFAIR-PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE. HOW TO BE ROMANTIC IN YOUR SPOUSE'S LANGUAGE. AND MUCH MORE. JIMMY: WE'RE CALLING THIS "THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE" SEMINAR BECAUSE WE MEAN IT. YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE WHEN YOU DO IT GOD'S WAY. AND A LOT OF PEOPLE TODAY FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T KNOW IF THEY'RE GONNA SUCCEED OR NOT. YOU'RE GONNA SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE. ANNOUNCER: SUPPORT "MARRIAGE TODAY" WITH YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT AND RECEIVE THE BOOK "7 SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES." EXPERIENCE THE "INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE" SERIES TODAY. JIMMY: THE TEACHING YOU SAW ON TODAY'S PROGRAM, IT COMES FROM "THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE" SEMINAR, AND, YOU KNOW, THAT "INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE," WHEN I GAVE THIS SEMINAR THAT TITLE, I KNEW THAT PEOPLE MIGHT JUST LOOK AT THAT AND SAY, CAN YOU REALLY HAVE AN INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE? AND THE ANSWER IS, ANYTHING BUILT ON GOD IS INDESTRUCTIBLE. JESUS SAID WHEN WE HEAR HIS WORD AND OBEY IT, WE'RE LIKE A WISE PERSON THAT BUILT THEIR HOUSE ON THE ROCK, AND WHEN THE WIND CAME AND WHEN THE RAINS CAME, THAT HOUSE STOOD, BECAUSE IT WAS BUILT ON A FIRM FOUNDATION. BUT HE ALSO SAID THAT THERE WERE PEOPLE THAT REJECTED HIS WORD, AND THEY WERE LIKE FOOLISH PEOPLE THAT BUILT THEIR HOUSES UPON THE SAND. LET ME TELL YOU THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE SAND AND THE ROCK. JESUS ALSO SAID THE SAND WAS GREAT UNTIL THE WIND AND THE RAIN CAME, AND IT'S GONNA COME. ADVERSITY COMES ON EVERY PERSON. THERE ARE GOING TO BE FORCES THAT COME AGAINST YOUR MARRIAGE TO DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE. WHATEVER THAT MIGHT BE. INTERNALLY, EXTERNALLY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE PRESSURE AND DIFFICULTY. WE KNOW THAT. SO JESUS PROMISED THAT THE WIND IS GONNA COME, THE RAIN IS GONNA COME, BUT WE HAVE THE CHOICE OF BUILDING A FOUNDATION IN OUR FAMILY AND IN OUR MARRIAGE THAT CAN LAST. BUT HERE'S THE ISSUE IN OUR SOCIETY TODAY. BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE ARE REJECTING THE WORD OF GOD. YOU CAN HAVE AN INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE. YOU CAN HAVE THE MARRIAGE OF YOUR DREAMS AND YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE IF YOU DO IT GOD'S WAY. BUT LISTEN TO WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU LAY DOWN ON SANDTHIS IS WHY SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE REJECTED THE WORD OF GODWHEN YOU LAY DOWN ON SAND, A, IT'S COMFORTABLE. I MEAN, IT'S JUST COMFY. B, IT'S CONFORMABLE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONFORM TO IT, IT CONFORMS TO YOU. AND SO, CHOOSE YOUR OWN BELF, CHOOSE YOUR OWN LIFESTYLE, CHOOSE YOUR OWN GOD. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS. THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING IN SOCIETY. AND WE LAY DOWN AND IT'S COMFORTABLE. WE FIND SOME COMFORTABLE BELF AND WE GET UP AND IT LOOKS LIKE US. IT CONFORMS INTO WHATEVER WE WANT IT TO BE. BUT ROCKS ARE NOT COMFORTABLE AND THEY'RE NOT CONFORMABLE. BUT, BOY, THEY'RE SAFE IN DIFFICULT TIMES. THE WORD OF GOD IS NOT GONNA CONFORM TO ME. IT'S ETERNAL. THE WORD OF GOD IS STABLE. IT IS THE ETERNAL SOURCE BY WHICH I CAN BUILD MY LIFE AND NEVER HAVE A REGRET. BUT UNDERSTAND THIS WHEN DIFFICULTY HITS, THE WORD OF GOD IS SAFE. THE WORD OF GOD IS SECURE. KAREN AND I MADE A DECISION EARLY IN OUR MARRIAGE WE ALMOST DIVORCED 'CAUSE WE DID EVERYTHING WRONG. BUT WE MADE A DECISION THAT WE WERE GONNA LIVE OUR LIVES AND RAISE OUR CHILDREN AND BUILD OUR FAMILY ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF GOD. WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST 40 YEARS. I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, THANK GOD, THANK GOD, BECAUSE WE'RE SO HAPPY THAT WE DID THAT. WE HAVE NO REGRETS. BECAUSE GOD'S WORD IS STABLE. GOD'S WORD IS STABLE. DON'T DO WHAT THE WORLD AROUND YOU IS DOING. DON'T DO WHAT PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE DOING. IF THEY'RE REJECTING GOD AND HIS WORD, WATCH WHAT HAPPENS TO THEIR LIVES. IT DOESN'T WORK. GOD'S WORD WORKS. YOU CAN HAVE THE MARRIAGE OF YOUR DREAMS. YOU CAN HAVE AN INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE. CHOOSE GOD'S WORD, EVERY TIME. MAKE YOUR DECISIONS ACCORDING TO GOD'S WORD AND YOU WON'T HAVE ANY REGRETS. YOU'LL HAVE A ROCK AS A SURE FOUNDATION. I HOPE THAT THIS TEACHING TODAY HAS BLESSED YOU, AND I HOPE THAT REALLY YOU HAVE RECEIVED ENCOURAGEMENT. YOU MAY BE DIVORCED. YOU MAY BE IN A VERY DIFFICULT MARRIAGE SITUATION RIGHT NOW. YOU MAY BE IN A TOUGH SITUATION IN LIFE. BUT I'M JUST ENCOURAGING YOU YOU CAN SUCCEED. GOD'S A BIG GOD AND HE'S WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. AND SO JUST BELIEVE IN HIM, TURN TO HIM, AND HE'LL CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND CHANGE YOUR MARRIAGE. THIS PROGRAM THAT WE BRING TO YOU TODAY, AS I CLOSE, I'M SAYING WE'RE ABLE TO COME TO YOU BECAUSE OF THE FAITHFUL SUPPORT OF OUR ROCK SOLID PARTNERS THAT STAND WITH US EVERY MONTH, SUPPORTING OUR MINISTRY. THEY REALLY ARE THE BACKBONE OF THIS MINISTRY. WOULD YOU BECOME ONE? KAREN AND I ARE ASKING YOU TO SUPPORT US FINANCIALLY EVERY MONTH. AS YOU SUPPORT US, WE SEND YOU A SPECIAL RESOURCE THAT ONLY COMES TO OUR MONTHLY PARTNERS. HERE'S HOW YOU CAN BE A PARTNER WITH "MARRIAGE TODAY." ANNOUNCER: WHEN YOU STAND WITH "MARRIAGE TODAY," YOUR INDIVIDUAL EFFORT MULTIPLIES WITH OTHER LIKE-MINDED PARTNERS, AND TOGETHER WE CAN REBUILD THE DREAM OF MARRIAGE FOR COUPLES AROUND THE WORLD. MAN: I WOULD RECOMMEND BECOMING A ROCK SOLID PARTNER BECAUSE YOU ARE GRAFTING INTO A GROUP OF INDIVIDUALS THAT ARE COMMITTED TO RESTORING MARRIAGE IN THIS COUNTRY, AND THAT'S SOMETHING WE WANT TO BE A PART OF. ANNOUNCER: IN PURSUIT OF THIS VITAL MISSION, "MARRIAGE TODAY" UTILIZES A DAILY TELEVISION BROADCAST, MULTIPLE LIVE EVENTS, A COMPREHENSIVE ONLINE OUTREACH, AND HUNDREDS OF MARRIAGE-BUILDING RESOURCES. YOUR PARTNERSHIP IS LITERALLY MAKING EVERY FACET OF THIS MINISTRY POSSIBLE, AND THAT MEANS COUPLES ARE RECEIVING THE HELP AND HOPE THEY NEED TO TAKE THEIR MARRIAGE TO THE NEXT LEVEL OF FULFILLMENT AND INTIMACY. WOMAN: WE ENJOY THE RESOURCES. WE ENJOY ALL OF IT. BUT I THINK JUST KNOWING WE'RE TOUCHING THE LIVES OF SO MANY OTHER MARRIAGES, CREATING AN ATMOSPHERE FOR THEM TO GET THE HELP THEY NEED. ANNOUNCER: BEING A ROCK SOLID PARTNER WITH "MARRIAGE TODAY" GRANTS YOU IMMEDIATE ACCESS TO AN EXCLUSIVE LIBRARY OF THE MINISTRY'S RESOURCES AND INTIMATELY CONNECTS YOU WITH OUR MISSION OF HELPING COUPLES SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE. WOMAN: WE'RE PROOF THAT THE MINISTRY IS BENEFICIAL AND THAT IT WORKS. IT HAS HELPED TO SAVE US, AND THAT MEANS THAT OUR CHILDREN GET TO GROW UP WITH TWO PARENTS IN A HOME TOGETHER. IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE IN OUR LIVES EVERY SINGLE DAY, THAT I COULDN'T IMAGINE NOT BEING A PARTNER. ANNOUNCER: EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING TO GIVE. AND THERE ARE MILLIONS OF UNREACHED COUPLES WHO DESPERATELY NEED THE MARRIAGE STRENGTHENING RESOURCES OF "MARRIAGE TODAY." THAT'S WHY WE NEED YOU TO JOIN US. BECOME A ROCK SOLID PARTNER WITH THE MINISTRY AND MISSION OF "MARRIAGE TODAY." THANK YOU FOR WATCHING "MARRIAGE TODAY WITH JIMMY & KAREN." SUPPORT "MARRIAGE TODAY" WITH YOUR BEST GIFT AND RECEIVE THE SERIES "THE INDESTRUCTIBLE MARRIAGE." BECOME A ROCK SOLID PARTNER TODAY AND CONNECT WITH THE MISSION OF "MARRIAGE TODAY." TOGETHER, WE CAN HELP COUPLES SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE.
