The Most BS Test Answers Teachers Have Seen (r/AskReddit)

teachers have read it what was the most BS on so you've seen on a test quiz si etc question described the chemical difference between h2o and co2 lanser h2o is hot water because the H stands for heart co2 his cold water because the C stands for cold not a teacher that he was one of the students I graduated with essay prompt write an essay on something that isn't an art but treated like an art should take one page X the art of time your shoes his essay the art of writing a short essay the art of writing a very short essay is quite simple use this as an example teachers response I don't know if this is brilliant or lazy I once used the wrong formula on a physics question but also [ __ ] up the calculation and ended up with the correct answer the professor asked to see me after class to tell me that at first he had marked it wrong because he thought I had peaked and wrote someone else's answer at the end of my gibberish but once he worked through my work realized how I got the answer I did he gave me half credit because he had never seen it happen before so there's that not a teacher but a former student I went to a Catholic High School our algebra 2 teacher was super religious and wanted to be a religion teacher if you put Jesus as the answer to any question he would give you half credit for being technically right because Jesus is the answer to everything here if the highest elevation on a map is 1050 feet and the lowest elevation is 515 feet what is the relief that we don't have to do maps anymore [ __ ] Larry on the fossils quiz I asked everyone to draw a dinosaur for extra credit and for my own amusement Larry wrote dinosaurs don't exist they were put here by Satan to trick us then he drew a picture of Satan honorable mention goes to the guy who artfully rendered a dinosaur in third block letters because that class was full of [ __ ] I once asked for a signature of a family member and got a drawing of a boy in my class tried to forge his parents signature on his field trip form but just wrote mom in fancy letters class Environmental Law question what isn't des students and swear an acronym I gave him half credit for being a smartass during my last year of high school I took calculus our teacher was an insanely smart guy who knew almost anything unfortunately for him it was last semester teaching at my school something about how he graded compared to the rest of the school and the board not liking it I'll never know for sure anyway as I was saying he taught us more than just calculus astronomy finances physics and anything we were just curious about that day he was a great guy and I enjoyed going to that class every day he still had to give us quizzes and tests like any other teacher but he didn't great very well mostly because he just didn't care he knew we were learning what we were wanting to learn and he was happy with that for our final exam though he gave us a four-page exam with the most difficult math problems I had ever seen half the stuff we hadn't even covered my entire class was in shock why in the hell would he do this to us but then he gave us the slighest smile I had ever seen paused for a moment as the entire class held their breath and quietly said the most forgiving words if you don't know what you are doing draw me the best hand turkey you can possible draw and that ladies and gentlemen is how I got an a' in calculus on a hand turkey I worked on for an hour and a half my first year teaching ninth grade English I had my students write an essay that was basically an analysis of a novel a chose one kid handed in an essay that was very obviously plagiarized and the formatting looked familiar I looked the book up on Wikipedia and sure enough he had just copied and pasted the first couple sections verbatim from the entry for goodbye mr. chips I wrote 100 really big on the top of the page and then wrote a bunch of stuff on the bottom of the page about how mature his analysis was and how hard he must have worked I wrote turnover at the bottom of the page and on the back of the paper I wrote just kidding really big with an explanation of why his grade was actually a zero when I handed the essays back this kid got so excited that he had gotten such a good grade and fooled his dumbshit teacher that he didn't read the back and handed it to a friend to show off I knew his friend took the time to read the back when I heard you're a freaking idiot from across the road a friend of mine is a high school English teacher and once assigned his students a persuasive essay take a stand on an issue and write an essay supporting that stand citing specific evidence one student chose to do his on Stone Cold Steve Austin is the best wrestler who ever lived now that's a dubious topic but one could see how you could still attempt to write a good essay on that citing his wild popularity impact on the sport etc nope this kid just basically just spent a few pages rehashing his catchphrases if anyone tries to mess with stone cold he'll whoop their ass close bracket the best though was the last line of the essay which just closed with Stone Cold Steve Austin is the best goddamn wrestler who ever lived Kirsten : while I like most folks in this thread and not a teacher I did have an affinity for creative rhetoric as a student and it was never more evident burn when the time came for us to apply for college scholarships the high school where I attended my junior and senior years was progressive in a number of ways the most notable of those being that everything with very few exceptions was done on computers there was also a significant focus on college applications and essays and a member of the faculty devoted entirely to helping our 80-something graduating students with the admissions process one aspect of this woman's job was to assist in finding scholarships for which each of us would be eligible and apparently she felt that I should apply for the one entitled overcoming adversity now while I did later discover that everyone had been sent that particular scholarship I took special note of it because I a white male from an upper middle-class family full of folks with doctorate degree wasn't eligible for anything else and besides the only requirement was a three paragraph essay so more in an effort to amuse myself and to actually accomplish something I decided to write what I hoped would be a heartfelt and seemingly earnest description of the hardships that I'd experienced there was only one problem I'd never had any such hardships oh sure there had been some tough times and scary situations but nothing by that point beyond almost dying during an ill-advised caving expedition which I didn't think would qualify in fact the more I thought about it the more I realized that I'd never even had the opportunity to overcome adversity just like that it hit me less than half an hour later I had crafted my essay the title perhaps appropriately was overcoming a lack of adversity in it I described how I'd never had the privilege of being underprivileged and how I'd been deprived of the chance to rise above my limitations as a result I further explained that if I was given the scholarship it would count not only as someone recognizing my handicap but also as giving me the chance to conquer it a couple of months later my principal rolled his eyes as he announced me as the recipient of the scholarship in question evidently I was the only one who had applied one exam had a question on probability it described a simple game involving a coin flip and asked what is the fair price you would charge your friend to play this game one student carefully calculated the correct value for the game's expectation value $1 comma 20 then he concluded the fair price I will charge my friend to play this game as two dollars because I want to make a profit I had a friend doing a media course in college he had some [ __ ] essay that he had to write and the topic was is a computer a machine got beef and other mysteries it was two pages long and concluded with the line if cows don't exist then God does exist which means cows do in fact exist therefore a computer is not a machine he actually passed the paper I was at our for a very introductory physics class s last year the question was something like Jane has a mass of 42 kilograms and is tied up on a platform on one side of a 30 meter room 20 meters in the air Tarzan has a mass of 60 kilograms and grabs onto a vine swinging from the middle of the room when he stands 20 meters in the air if he starts at an initial velocity of zero what is Tarzan's velocity at his lowest point what is Tarzan's and Jane's velocity as they are exiting the building what I received for an answer to the window to the wall till the sweat drips down my balls all them [ __ ] crawl Jane can suck my [ __ ] a ski ski [ __ ] a ski ski goddammit I once had a student sit in the back row for an exam stare at it for a half hour and then turn it in when I looked at it his name was on the first page there was a donkey doodle on the second and his only answer was on the last question I'm too high for this [ __ ] he did not pass intermediate algebra in my oppas history class I had a question that was something like what were the Union and Confederates looking for that led to the Battle of Antietam and I'm pretty sure it was a river or Creek or something but I couldn't remember at the time so my answer was just trouble senior year at class it's the last month of classes and we had all basically stopped trying our teacher had a pop quiz that man of us were prepared for the last essay was described the significance of Griswold v Connecticut I essentially wrote the plot description of the first vacation movie with my own insights into how its shaped laws my teacher responded with the I award you know points speech from Billy Madison he keeps the test to show students what not to do when you are unsure of an answer I'm a teacher of ridet in my time I have seen many answers that could be considered by some to be be as these answers have been on several different mediums including but not limited to tests quizzes and other forms of coursework just restate the question as an answer in hopes that the teacher just scans the paper to see if wrote anything I graded standardized tests one year and one of the questions was about how to set up a garden to perform an experiment any experiment that shows you understand how experiments are designed one kid actually got full credit hit every one of the metrics by setting up an experiment on what might get Sally to [ __ ] him in the garden it was something of a game for us to get to bring a particularly WTF answer to our team lead and mine was at the top of the board for almost two weeks I was a teaching assistant as students were turning in an election with our professor shouted to me over the dinner so long as their answer to hash six is something reasonable give them credit a student who had been struggling in the course suddenly hunched over and scribbled something on their quiz I took the quizzes home for grading and reached the struggling students quiz she had literally written something reasonable for her answer to hash six rules are rules I gave her full credit for the answer on the final exam she concluded with the statement these are all reasonable answers just in case once in Mike's a geography class we had a test regarding natural disasters earthquakes / tsunami / volcano etc when assessing the impact of the damage a volcano could do my friend forgot the word erupted and ended up writing and I quote the volcano volcano - the after she'd marked them she had to read his answer out - to the class because it made her laugh so much in the student who doesn't particularly like history so of course I didn't know the answer to the question how did the Red Army defeat the White Army in regard to ww1 my answer was they infiltrated the white Army's laundry resources and threw a red sock in each wash tab turning all the white clothes pink and I not only got credit for the answer the teacher gave me extra credit for being clever that was a good day when I was a senior in high school our literature teacher forced the eight best students in his class to take the applet exam even though he'd never practiced for it and he wasn't really teaching an app class sure enough we were doing miserably and we all finished 40 minutes early because we'd all given up the last essay question asked us to synthesize the themes from a few books provided on a list only one of which we'd read in class flowers for all German I turned around to look at the clock with 20 minutes left to see the kid behind me drawing the most fantastic picture of all German a mouse if you've never read the book in high detail with a sunburst behind him and a relevant quote surrounding it it was nearly Tudor quality all in ballpoint pen I'm pretty sure he got a 2 on the test like the rest of us that I hope the greater got a kick out of that I had a math problem in middle school that said something to the effect of John has a binder for holding trading cards each page has 9 pockets there are 20 pages and his binder how many cards are in the binder I said there wasn't enough information because the question never said the binder was full or had any cards in it at all mrs. Mason was having none of that the assignment was to write a one-page description of a topic you wanted to write about question description of why you are interested and who would care student hands and a three-page plagiarism of several news stories it definitely took them longer to find and connect that material than it would have taken to just do the actual work it's the only time I've ever done this but I failed her outright in the second week of school if you are so dumb as to not do a simple assignment in your own words especially one that as a basis for the entire course and to hand in a blatant plagiarism you do not get to proceed [Music]

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Id: huPzGvTPBpw

Length: 14min 54sec (894 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 04 2019